Patterns upon patterns.

I come on here when I really need help. Of course nothing that anyone ever says can actually help, what with moon exactly conjunct... biQ... Won't drop specifics here.
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Anyway, I'm a little scared. I have never predicted a karmic pattern incorrectly, I have distinct memories of speaking to someone whom has (later edit from 'basically become negatively polarised' edit to: has made a decision towards negative polarisation but is not negatively polarised as defined by the full opportunity for negative polarisation on this planet, in my understanding) and getting screaming intuitions to get off the phone and knowing exactly what that person was going to say in order to manipulate, but I didn't because of the energy, and I endured it.
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I only think the current pattern I am under is going to get worse not better. I am still in the same thing but it is growing, I may be able to suppress it.
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I get the intuition to call the girl. I know it, but because of the neoliberal clauses and vindictiveness on her behalf I consciously stop myself.
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For a while these have been fine, they have been mildly suicidal. More recently I am thrown into considerable pain to make me more than mildly suicidal. I'm finding some solutions, little things help. But the fundamental karmic pattern is there and it will not change.
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These are my options and general thoughts:
A) When I look at conspiracy and markets I can put this stuff at bay because I have allowed a light negative polarity, or perhaps this is a distraction. Of course the eventual goal of this is that when the energy and society is better things can sort themselves out.
B) I can try getting on with things as normal, but sometimes inner intuition stops that. My connection to the positive will not stop and will always lead back into this direction, I don't experience ambiguity or confusion as 5th density. I can try energy somethings, like Qi-gong and potential people. I can't drop my vibration lower like a lot of other people because of pains in my head and heart chakra warnings.
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Anyway, what I am standing against, for those of you whom do not know, is a 6th density entity that has chosen negative polarity. Of course there will never be any justice here. Karmically if I don't phone the girl I am completely liable, as she also is if she makes no effort at contact since it's just the way it is. It is a very successful greeting.
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The feelings I get when I can't phone her and my energy switches off are pure pain, before I have had a kind of 'every second' hell. So if it continues as it is without a solution, which it most likely will, at least as far as the people concerned the options are:

A) Have to refuse suicide but there may be pain for me to desire it.
B) Medication will kill me almost as quickly, I do not react well to medication I am extremely sensitive and the mildest suppression of my feelings I don't feel to be possible. I can't touch paracetamol since my brain goes numb and I go a bit nuts.
C) Not going to call the girl. Simply put the opening of the energies then rejection will make the whole process more painful, plus I have called her before and she doesn't like me, shows not the remotest sign of acting on 'love' she once apparently had, and everyone will have a go at me and the police might turn up (I suspect she already tried to make some sort of complaint).
D) Not going to negotiate with negative 6D wanderer. Everything positively polarised I say gets twisted into the negative polarity.
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But the pain remains. My hope is that either someone tells me the truth about parts of it that I need to continue, but it will just get twisted by neg 6D. My hope is that a generally positively polarised environment where negative polarity is less of an option prevails and the truth is delivered to me at that point.
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Some people say things like... you shouldn't expect others to 'save' you. To that I say: Go live in Gaza and say that, and: that's the same argument if you are applying it to the higher forces that the LoO chose to not stop the negative greetings to Carla because it was trying to teach her a lesson about self empowerment.
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(And besides, I'm not saying that I'm not going to do anything in the situation, I just percieve that I am not doing well in this atmosphere of intense neoliberalism, and no acknowledgement of psychic and 'other' realities)
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If my health does take a sudden drop, as could be the case from the way I am currently feeling. The girls name in this case is Natalie Johnson, the guys is [Name removed at later date when feeling some of these ideas to be incorrect] Re entered Peter Heywood.