Monday 23 March 2015

Max Keiser.

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Working with less mobility than normal. Some sort of repetitive strain injury from typing has stopped me using my right arm.
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Anyway. Basically, went on Max Keiser which at first I loved.
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But he put a tweet up something to do with Nigel Farage's kids not being afraid of protesters but being afraid of their fathers reaction to them. Apparently, the protesters chased a 10 year old down the street.
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I said something on his site, two comments. One specifying that he supports Russia and has in a roundabout way talked about the EU. Why would he side against a party that is also against the EU? Of course this was not let through.
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Max Keisers solution is another computer currency. He seems to be one that wants to be one of the new controllers.
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Although to be fair he more often encourages the sale of gold. So perhaps not.

Method through madness.

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A method has started to be seen through the madness.
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Greece wants its gold back.
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Perhaps the positive forces against the 'cabal' are making sure everyone has gold, so when currencies collapse, and a gold currency is begun, a new wealth can be created.
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Or perhaps that's everyone except cabal governments. Because they would probably not spend it wisely. Therefore, the Eurozone crumbles that leads to ukip getting elected, that leads to proper governance and a strong not-cabal-ruled country.
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What would happen then, PERHAPS energetically is that real soul, real wealth would have power and falsity (symbolised by false wealth/ computer/ paper money), would fall away.
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That this would happen with feelings as well, so false 'love' would become more obvious as things become genuine.

Sunday 22 March 2015

Astrology post.

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Here is a post I wrote on a thread about stalking, slightly edited where it responds to others on the thread.:
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Firstly, before you get to placements about the stalking you have to explain what it is. In my view it is something to do with feeling a very strong feeling between both parties and then this absolute fusion is rejected by one of the partners and thus the other one has very damaged feelings.
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I got turned on by some sort of slightly strange behaviour from a woman (although possibly fine just out of the societal norm, not threatening), slightly predatory, and so looked this up. But I should avoid this sort of curiousity in the future.
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The usual to begin with. It is the whole persons chart obviously. Pluto strongly aspect a personal planet. Especially hard aspects.
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You should look at Jupiter to create that sense of fusion and Venus and Neptune to see where things perhaps seem loving. Trines create an incredible sense of ease as though nothings wrong.
Pluto and it’s aspects perhaps Liz Greenes ‘The astrology of fate’ has lines specifically about this. Some online sources directly quote from Liz Greenes book. I read about Venus- Pluto from ‘Theastrologyplace.’
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Saturn is implicated whenever a person feels assaulted by the world. But a Saturn transit is more the person being driven to stress by the entire world and people being a part of it, than it is to do with single individuals. So Saturn may be my job went wrong, my friendships were shaken and this girl stalked me. But I made some fantastic music and got on with my career.
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Jupiter is also implicated in the fact that you can’t squash the feeling. For instance, people with Sun- Jupiter often have an intensity and/ or a joy that can never be supressed. Although I would look for transits because the one who has it natally implicated would have learned to handle it, the one that has it in transit may be blown out of all proportion.
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Where I do agree with the above posters though is that stalking is mostly a negative experience, therefore it is energy that could be applied in the right way but is misapplied for whatever reason. Therefore, to focus on the ‘confusion’ may confuse more than help.
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Venus is implicated as well. A frustrated 'romantic instinct' for whatever reason.

Girl on the beach.

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I said this profile on my facebook recently that is just dead true:
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Girl/ woman, sounded young, with a dog. Following me in the shadows on the beach. Exciting, didn't at first know it was a woman (so that bit wasn't exciting). Couldn't capitalise on it. But catalyst is experience and from experience we learn.
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This was true and it was dead exciting.
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It gives me a little bit of an idea or a way out as well of my predicament. If the girl were to do the work? I have had this a little before but I have always refused it. When I have tried to do the work it has not massively worked out but hasn't gone too bad.
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Opportunity, experience. One day there will be no opportunity left.
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I am in a little of a different place than I was before. I am more psychic. I can directly sense what others are thinking. Or perhaps I could always do that. I am not trying to learn or do a lot of things I was before. I am just being.
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But who knows? The challenge for me is to not try and do certain things, and those things that would give 'protection' or would expand my spirituality in any way are the things I am not doing.

Saturday 21 March 2015

The original dream.

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The original dream that lead me to a suicide attempt was that if I followed my mothers energy I would be locked inside my head and my mother had stopped me from going to the Buddhist centre. Not with force but emotionally.
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I can't see how I can disentangle myself from the mess I am in. The thing is that if I act service to others in the place I am in I get screwed over. But there isn't really an alternative because my energy system doesn't work like that.
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I am suffering. I don't have independence. And when my pain resistance falls and sometimes I go to sleep or do something else that is awful like that, the negative gains ground. Then something worse happens. For instance, I had to spend £15 to go to a job interview that I knew 100% was the wrong thing to do intuitively. I wasn't able to force myself to do it very easily. Which lead to me getting a taxi down there, the least effort.
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That £15 has lead to me not having enough money for a blood sugar machine. I feel that the energy the jobcentre dogmatically extracted from me to make me go and do that was energy I needed since I am in survival mode. I need every shred of the money I am given and energy I have to survive. With interference that is taken from me.
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Not having a blood sugar machine has lead further to me being ill.

Precarious world.

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This is a precarious world I live in.
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My mother has had some extra money, a few thousand she didn't expect. And I've felt really ill the past few days since I haven't had a blood sugar machine. So at first I took it. But now I feel very stressed that if I take it she will expect things from me.
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Why is this a problem? Because it starts with one small things and starts to become loads of things.

Friday 20 March 2015

As a fellow fifth density entity.

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I wondered if what Don really wanted on a deep level was children. Whether his sex drive couldn't function without actually doing the deed (going all the way), if contraception would have worked?
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I don't know, I just suddenly came out with that.
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I logged onto bring4th quickly and got incredibly painful heart chakra feelings.

Losing polarity and what it means.

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What I think it means when losing polarity is that you experience the negative of all the good feelings you feel.
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So if you have lost polarity then the best thing is to an extent to discipline yourself. Otherwise, this is the moment when you will drink, or eat badly, or undertake a bad habit.

Wow.

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I'm surprised.
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Life has seemed to shift against me in its patterns. I can't see a way to make things better. I am hemmed in.
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What has been interesting to me is that, I used to have an inheritance, while I had this I had something to fall back on. But now that I don't if I run out of a blood-sugar machine I run out. I just get ill.
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Basically I'm being trained by the world to fit in and do that bullshit it wants me to.
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What is interesting though is how difficult to fight my situation is. Partly because of 'polarity'. Every time I go for a job. I put so much effort in. At some point I know I haven't got it, and my psychic skills are very, very strongly communicating with me. Now that I am having to fight and use my perceptiveness because my survival is less assured.
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The person I live with, my mother, was absolutely fine when I had this inherited money and was doing things for her day in and day out. I used to walk the dog with her, do the washing and shopping all the time, etc. To the extent that I kind of lost my sense of individuality since she would very often turn up when all my chores were done and insist that I stop doing my music and do something for her. Go for a walk or go next door and get milk (which would often break my flow even when I didn't go).
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Now I don't have that money though. And I am very, very anxious a lot. She doesn't want someone in the house that isn't contributing and holds every single mistake I make as a debt. So I forgot important documents for a job interview. Had to come home for a taxi. And this is remembered later in the day.
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I have so many fears picked up from the LoO. I feared for instance that since I have rejected STO at some point I will not have the opportunity for it anymore (the thing dropping my STO polarity, i.e. making me feel low and not able to function. Is the STS pushing me into things I don't want to do. Such as applying for jobs that I can't get because I don't on a deep level want them, and suffering the emotional and spiritual consequences for an action I didn't decide.). Horrible things happen all the time to people on this planet. I can't be sure if I don't do the right thing I won't get some horrible disease.
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I do know however, that people won't be able to take much more pain. Like, there is a limit and we are close to it. People are clearly not fighting. Why not? I don't have any answers. We don't have any fluoride in the water in so that isn't it. I don't have any answers as to why people aren't fighting. If I try something people can't respond.
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Perhaps it is propaganda. The atheist and neo- liberal paradigm are very effective at sterilising people. Everyone thinks they're superior and the results of other peoples problems are their own weakness. Or love is the only way and nothing should be done about atrocities done on your doorstep.
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Wow, I love England!

Thursday 19 March 2015

Two kinds of comments at the guardian.

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There are two types of deleting of comments at the guardian newspaper.
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One is 'this post was removed because it does not abide with our community standards'.
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The other is. 'Where's my post.'
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Translation: Your post was not in line with the Guardians agenda.

Wednesday 18 March 2015

In my personal life: Where to go from here.

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For those of you who don't know, I have had problems recently. And the problems mainly involved having very strong feelings for a girl. Not conscious but like a tuning fork guided to that person, and because it is socially unacceptable for me to want her or go near her in any way. Contact her at all. The inability to supress my own feelings causes incredible pains when I have to fight against the feelings on the insistence of others.
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I have stopped meditating because of this.
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I also have this connection with a friend that I find incredibly nasty. The guy is a prick. For two reasons, one unproven and one proven. Firstly, whenever I am in contact with him I get the overwhelming and incredible intuition that he is with this girl. But when I have asked him about it he has denied it.
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Secondly, and regardless of the validity of the first statement the 'agenda' fits either. When I am talking with him he aggressively tries to tell me how my feelings for this girl are not valid for some reason. That they were based on your 'shadow' or your sexuality. But I know how I felt.
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I don't know where to go from here I am kind of lost. There is so much going on on some kind of etheric level. There was an incredible feeling of complete magnetism between me and this girl. Which was, if only briefly, reciprocated. But day in and day out it is like I have no mission, no 'raison d'etre'. Nothing feels right and I begin to at times feel dissociated or realise that I am powerless against people surrounding me that either A) don't understand me or B) bully me.
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Like I say I can't see any way out. I am really to socialise a lot soon. It is like there is no personality left. There is confusion and I am happy with myself in a way. But not in another.

Having seen the transits for the election.

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I think Labour are going to win a majority.
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Just that Sun- Taurus trine Pluto. I just see them as winning it.
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Venus on it's way into Cancer. Labour majority.
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Not what I want, or what would go with my more idealistic ideas. But that's what's going to happen in my view.
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If of course it does happen, when it really doesn't look at all like that is going to be the case with Labour around 33% tied with the Conservatives. Well, that would be a plus point for me then!

Guitar transits

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Two separate headings. Guitar and transits.
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Also, I just want to say that since the non masturbating/ root chakra. Plus all the other things I'm doing life is starting to crowd in a bit. Like there is actually a response from the world. I'm going to get a guitar tomorrow. I'm going for another job interview on Friday, day of the solar eclipse. (Didn't get the last one, said they had more than 80 responses.)
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And the dating site is giving me cause to actually message people and interact with girls where perhaps I wouldn't've. Some, perhaps all, of these processes are automatic and essentially meaningless, but in some way something is being fed back.
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I also have a lot of commitment to move out in relation to recent catalyst. I hope to get a guitar because I'm too psychicly 'open' without one. The guitar gives me a little psychic 'personal space'. After that I may even have to stop with moral ideas and go for jobs that are a little amoral in my opinion. Also, I may be doing work experience soon which would pretty much be full time. (Plenty of chance to meet people.)
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A friend is coming down from London to see me soon (and others). I'm going to a social event with others on Friday. I'm having to do a computer course, re- do one I just completely rushed through. Need the guitar for that as well because in some fundamental way my brain isn't working.
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So, dealt with the guitar now the transits. Although just one more point on the guitar is that once I get one I'm safe because things can move around inside me in whatever time/ space is relevant, for some reason I can't do that at the moment.
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Uranus- Pluto. Eh, eh? All getting ready for the fall of 'the cabal' (ha) then Netanyahu gets re-elected.
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For me this is pretty simple. The energy of a planet can be used for good or ill. It can be blocked or more likely - redirected with the use of free will.
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What Uranus- Pluto I believe has provided is the feeling of 'fighting against evil forces'. Uranus on the one hand, Pluto on the other. Uranus with it's ideas of freedom and Pluto with it's attempt to draw out what is really there, that being corruption.
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So the end of any Uranus- Pluto squares means that fighting feel is essentially over. But it does not mean the fight is over. Only that the absolute friction involved in it may not now be so heavy. Uranus is off to greater things.
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The feel of 'fighting the evil' was of course used by Netanyahu for his own purpose. It is the same energy when used correctly, or in a service to others way, leads to the feeling of fighting that has brought down the cabal. Where Uranus has been more secretive and less 'base.'

Honesty

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Won't be able to catch up with my views, at least it's less likely. Steadily raising :).
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Earlier I said that one of the strongest and best self improvement methods I was using was to stop masturbating. At the time I simply completely supressed my sex drive.
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Now I don't know the inns and outs but I have suddenly got to a place where that is not able to be supported. I mean, I don't release, and would feel awful if I did. But there is also the inability to supress my sex drive since sometimes I feel a kind of pain, or the effort to supress makes me feel very ill and 'disconnected'.
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So now I am sort of looking at girls, or thinking of girls. Sometimes going on profiles of dating sites, and having signed up on one. I have gone on a bit of porn but do not know if I will continue or discontinue this practice.
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Basically, I need to keep that 'energy' somehow alive and on the surface, it will not go down below the surface.

Tuesday 17 March 2015

Middle East Peace Envoy.

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Benjamin Fulfords earlier blog stated that there was an effort to relieve Tony Blair of 'diplomatic immunity'. A few days later Blair states he is resigning from being a middle Eastern Peace envoy. Seems like the guy is onto something!
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Anyway. I was thinking that so long as this all goes down how Benjamin Fulford says it will, with the Pope 'requesting' forgiveness of the people for the crimes of a (now disabled) 'cabal'. It seems to me that people will be able to harvest if everyone did forgive.
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This assumes something though. It assumes a rather neat little somewhat Christian paradigm. Which was stated in the Law of One. But I just tend to think things are more complicated when real. I don't think we will move from stage; 'getting rid of the cabal' to stage 'meeting positive ET's' to stage 'forgiving the cabal' for a long time.
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What if they are unrepentant.
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I also feel, as I have alluded to on this blog that these people; should they be getting any more 'face time' and attention. What about the millions who have lost families to genocides and people that would have done better with the miraculous cures available behind the scenes. Do these people not also have a voice?
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The Pope is offering a choice. And how informed is he?

Monday 16 March 2015

Dolce and Gabbana or Elton John.

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Dolce hands down.
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Elton John should get off his high horse and realise that his decisions could actually effect people's lives.

The only emotion I experience is...

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Rage!
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I don't really tend to write music anymore. I don't engage in the world in ways that make me happy and I KNOW that I don't. I mean, I used to like astrology but wasn't able to discuss that on a forum. I used to like volunteering and meeting people but for some reason am not able to do that anymore either.
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The rage comes from my daily thoughts. And how the reality that I perceive is ignored by everyone around me. Yesterday I got a job offer, or it may have been the day before. I didn't want this job, or more precisely, I want to try harder while I'm not employed in getting a job in administration. A full time job so I can move out of home.
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But I got a job offer and will probably get it. My hopes for a 'proper job' are somewhat dashed since I will not be able to undergo training for administration or something.
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This is deliberate. This situation is deliberate by all those out there, and there are many, whom would prefer what I had to offer was just not there and have the ability to overpower me.
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The only hope is that the Benjamin Fulford ideas come through. Then the 'weak' will be empowered. Those whom have not had a voice. I wouldn't fault them for whatever it is they want to do to 'the cabal'.
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I have been thinking a lot about what will happen if something happens, for instance, I got a non- fluoride toothpaste recently and imagining if fluoride were removed from the water supply the world over and everyone's psychic abilities started opening up... Just a little. Oh my god. All these brilliant things that could be happening.
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(The job thing is probably fine I don't know. Perhaps so perhaps not. Getting the job could lead in an unexpected direction or further empower me towards my goals.
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I'm rather scared the employers themselves will find this but at the same time, I don't apparently have the ability to withdraw what I'm thinking and feeling from this blog.)

Sunday 15 March 2015

'Revenge'.

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One thing that interested me is when David Wilcock was telling the back story of how these forces allied against the 'cabal' and negative ET's.
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He said that the aliens of the Roswell crash (most likely) were treated very badly by the American government and so looked into the future seeing China as a future power in the world and decided to ally with them.
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That is interesting because it suggests that even positive entities, when they have been harmed. Can hold a grudge and start to act strategically!

Ah.

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2 interesting things I heard recently:
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One that China has created a 'One World Currency' and are advertising it on billboards near Shanghai airport. This is the 'renmimbi' in gold.
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Two that we are in about the 80th week of a bull market. The only time this has happened before was before the dot- com bust and the 1929 recession.
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The meaning of these two should be clear. I suspect the bull market could come under scrutiny when Jupiter goes direct. People are 'contracted' in fear at the moment, doing the same things. But when there is suddenly the energy of 'expanse', of 'what's good for me and my interests?' (Jupiter in Leo). Suddenly people may question this, as their spirits start to swell and sense starts to flood in.
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The world in chaos is a good thing. The incredible stagnation of stuckly held views cannot continue. People are growing comfortable in their discrimination of others. Comfortable that if they do things that are unjust there will simply be no recriminations. Justice is not held up on any level anymore. In fact injustice is encouraged.
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I am talking of the fact that I can't move out and I get very patronising views from agents when I phone since I would be on jobseekers. 'You do have to be employed.' I do need to move out. I cannot function. Every time I prioritise someone else's needs no matter how minor my energy system blocks and gets repressed. I feel like I am living in a world without oxygen. I can't do what needs to be done.
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So, things need shaking up! These people are the type that will say 'oh that is horrible that the system is like it is' but will do nothing to help. I have tried to get people to fight but there are no takers. I tried starting a meet up on a spiritual group with the title 'exopolitics'. To involve spirituality and conspiracy theory. I have tried finding out what is going on about activism in my area, and been met with the most stupid brainwashed views. Ones that are strongly held and patently untrue and do more to keep injustice in place than to move anything. No matter how 'loving' the person speaking these views seems to be.
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So, China to the rescue? Let's focus on that first one. Chinese currency. I can't imagine how this would change the world system. But hopefully it would slowly disempower those at the top while empowering those at the bottom. Banking services will not be paid for by China (I'm guessing), they have their own systems. I can't imagine what Britain produces that China would buy from them but I do know if they do produce anything it would go to the companies and possibly their employers and workers rather than government. Imagine useless jobs like banking and various other rich people irrelevancies slowly getting tweeked down. Oh you can't afford that Ferrari anymore, what a darn shame!
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Too many movies I watch recently don't really end. I just watched another bad movie. It didn't really end. Like Cosmopolis. Perhaps subconsciously we feel that life isn't really ending, or at least there doesn't seem to be a 'happy ending' that you can emotionally feel and put in a film. Since you're collectively held opinion/ feeling of 'happy' is supressed.
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I don't know what to do next. I'm really going to be pushing to go into an administrative role and tomorrow I'll have to see if I have the 'chutzpah' to get out of bed when I feel awful. I have very little ability to discipline myself because energy sparks forward from deep inside me and can't be supressed, so if that is in the way of my willpower then I am in trouble.
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But tomorrow I have to get up EARLY and get on with things. I have to bite through the pain.

Thursday 12 March 2015

Vision.

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The post that was deleted from astro.com had an 'imagining' or vision connected to it.
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I saw a girl, whom was my daughter, with a yellow ish face, or not yellow like Chinese I don't think but round and kind of sunny. Saying 'He was a genius, but...crazy.' Or it might of been 'great but crazy'. Words to that effect.
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Kind of nice, I was too tired to put it in the post but maybe it would have saved it.
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The girl had a flowery dress on and was in a Spanish Monastery. But whether I had lived in Spain was not conveyed. I had the feeling that I was nowhere near the monastery.

Children going off to terrorist groups.

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I've got no more pageviews. Something I said?
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But I still have feelings and thoughts and opinions so here goes:
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Firstly, I have felt absolutely awful because I did not write down my dream today. Just really weird.
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Secondly, I have written a question on the guardian website to ask politicians about the gold standard and it would be great if that was picked up.
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Thirdly, I was watching question time and one of the parts of really quite nice union and agreement between the panellists was when they were talking about these kids going off to join terrorist groups.
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And no one knows why. But it's pretty obvious. There is no way for people to expand and be themselves. I can't imagine what's going to happen when Jupiter goes direct. They are trying to expand and it all gets blocked up. All their intellect, and what could be love, and loads of things all gets blocked and the pressure just gets unbearable.
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Then Isis picks up the tab.

Tuesday 10 March 2015

Eclipse.

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I may be able to eclipse my page views!
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Solar Eclipse coming in March 20 2015!
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Anyway, just a quick note on 5D entities. Adam Smith.
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Probably the reason Adam Smith did not see the inherent dangers in self centeredness is because as a 5D entity, positive. He didn't have any 'lack of love' to cause a problem. He never lived with having done something bad so he didn't conceive of people becoming excessively self interested.
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Where he did it was ignored.
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And far from being the hero of deregulation, fairly early on in 'A Wealth of Nations' Adam Smith talks about how bankers should be regulated against giving their customers money in too short change. He didn't like bankers much. He did like bakers, and fire engine assistants and normal people. There is a distinct distaste for unethical people and organisations in his work.

It's different.

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I am not in love. I do not feel a lot of love in my life and the love there was turned out to be a bit false.
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I experience a brief conversion to the positive polarity then it was all stuffed back down again. Thanks to some people choosing STS at that level of vibration.
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So, before when I was writing things about transits I did not know I was being STS. But now I pretty much do... And it doesn't feel the same.
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I need astrology to be STO if I'm going to do it. I can't just do my own transits like I just did. I will leave that up but I did prefer how things were before.
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But I can't fight people in the STO community who would abuse their power. Like Carla or the moderators of astro.com. The only way I can do that is to see the end of the cabal. Then truth will be revealed and illusion will just fall away. It should be traumatic.
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I do wonder, out of those 'negatively polarised' that were going to rush in just after the Law of One was written what they are doing here if the planet is going to, as a whole, transfer to STO. That's an enigma, who knows!
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But like I said, I can't use the 'magickal power' of astrology to enrich myself and only myself. The only thing I can do is fight the cabal. It's the only thing to do. And hope I can polarise positively without sacrificing in vibration.

Transits I'm looking forward to

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Uranus Pluto: This will be exact on 17th March at 01:00am. This is the last of seven Uranus - Pluto squares. All of which have given very little in the real world unless you allow for about a month either side of each square.
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But Pluto is the crash and Uranus is the rebellion against it. Together these two planets I believe are the whole David Wilcock Saga. The 'cabal' (Pluto) and the 'Alliance', (Uranus). Therefore I also wonder if combined with other things if this isn't the feeling of 'fighting against the negative' that pervades the air and with the internet, there is also a feel of there is loads of kind of 'enlightenment' or at least 'information' and in reality 'living information'. But with the increase awareness all we are able to do with it is get paranoid and angry.
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Jupiter going direct over my Sun: This is going to happen on the ninth of April and this is EXACT over my sun. Therefore, the part of my being that experienced strong feelings and was unable to stop these will be highlighted. Perhaps I will get a job. Perhaps I will go mad. (I will simply have to supress that this time around). Perhaps I will write some FANTASTIC music.
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Uranus Sun conjunction and Uranus going over my ascendant: It has been interesting when Uranus touched my ascendant exactly (this is all seeming a little over- precise) and then went back. I had a great difficulty with my decision making process since it's formation. The David Wilcock stuff, the LoO, all of it, and loads of other spiritual ideas. All came into question. On April 6th at 3pm the Sun will be sitting exactly on Uranus. And then on April 14th at roughly 11pm Uranus will cross into my ascendant.
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This means that those things will come part of my conscious personality. When Venus moved over my ascendant as Mars is just about to do. The fact that I have had not much luck with girls became an awful pain that stabbed right through the heart of me. The sun came out and all the beautiful girls were out in Brighton.
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So when Uranus goes there, somehow, the David Wilcock stuff will become part of my conscious waking personality. Or stuff with the Alliance. Maybe it will become obvious I need to write a certain song, or join something political I don't know.
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Mercury has just entered my twelfth house. The Sun will go into my ascendant. To be honest since I'm experiencing a lot of negativity at the moment it seems every transit could be translated as negative! Perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised.
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The Uranus Pluto however is a GLOBAL TRANSIT. We just had Uranus Jupiter but not a great deal happened. Of course when Jupiter goes direct perhaps there will not be as much of a 'contraction' as there is now. Things will start to move forward positively. There will be political debates. It all lines up!
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It strikes me that whenever I have hoped for political change to sweep in and take care of the Illuminati and move us into a golden age before this is a bit of a negative view. Since it is seeing others as uninformed and about to be 'punished' for their uninformedness. Not looking at things and ignoring me.
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Also, it seems to me that whenever you are moving against the status quo, you are being a little negatively polarised. Since you have to reach an amount of force greater than the desires of those whom don't want you to be who you are, are able to muster. The stress a person feels is the anger being sent to them by others.
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A whole pattern. A whole life pattern, is starting to emerge

Need to catch up with my pageviews.

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OK. I don't think that was the truth, what I just said. I do not know for sure.
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What I think is happening is that the original ideas that I had that were service to others have been held onto, things like acknowledging myself as Don Elkins and moments of recognition for instance, when I realised something from what a girl said. Memories like that.
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In order for me to remain in service to others polarity, I need to express these things and have them accepted, then balanced etc. Learning from them.
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But because we are in a low vibrational state where sometimes manners and social correctness are held above truth. This hasn't been expressed in service to others. What happens is I've had to steadfastly hold onto my truth and others have been aggressively working against me to get me to experience my truth as 'not truth' or that 'which is' as that 'which is not'.
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This is why it is so painful holding onto these views and there is a process moving against me (strong right ear ringing), a collective of peoples personal opinions and influences are trying to get me to see things in another way. A way where no one whom works against me has been wrong, all those ASSHOLES are right. And where people who genuinely love me and have my back, or at least a little. Where those peoples efforts and insights are forsaken and considered 'evil'. (Talking of a close friend now).
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So I have to accept that, exactly like David Wilcock when he first started out, obsessed with the Illuminati and having to take 'any job'. I am also in a kind of negative polarity. And I have to punch through the pain in order to maintain my psyche like it is, and not have it invaded by these false but seemingly more loving 'ideas'.

STO what's next.

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Perhaps it is time soon to do some 'service to others' posts on astrology perhaps. I'm not sure though. Those insights have to come.
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Perhaps it's back to 'what's next!' Because I have no idea.

Not sure and what now?

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My pageviews haven't increased massively recently, I am fast catching up my pageviews with my posts.
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Regardless of if I am or am not Don, nothing has really changed. Until I am somehow sure about something.
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What now? Well, I seem to be a little too internally torn to really be of service-to-others. The astrology things didn't work out. I can't absorb something without repeating it very quickly. I am very anxious.
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I need some proof. Obviously part of this is whether this Aquarius and 5D girl are together. I have had such strong intuition about that, but it feels likely that the intuition was just pushing something that was already in my mind. A tendency to connect disparate facts for example.
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It would just be too painful to even tell anyone of these things. So, I just have to try and live in the world until some sort of compromise, between me and the world is reached. I really need some evidence of something. Something that will move forward something. But evidence isn't always where it's at.
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The reason it's too painful, for instance, with the Aquarian friend, is that what if I'm fine with him and then the intuition shoots up again.
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I don't believe this most recent debacle, specially if I wasn't DE, I don't believe it was completely negatively driven. I think neg's destroy your mind in the shadows. It's likely that it all being on the surface and out like this, even though it might seem negative to some. Is the efforts of positive entities.

Re- evaluating the past.

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I have had some pretty mega thoughts today. And when I have had these thoughts I have had a certain psychological freedom and a REAL ability to see auras. My memories are a bit different as well.
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I have re-evaluated my feelings of my past life as Don Elkins. The reason being that some of the evidence was very circumstantial and came from OTHER PEOPLE. As I outlined before some of the evidence came from the fact that someone else's birthday was the day after Carla and Jim's wedding.
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'The layabout priest, he doesn't worship god, he worships the beast'.
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The LoO also stated that there would be a sudden flux of incarnation of those not polarised 'service to others'.
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I have had two really strong ear ringing experiences. One was when I picked up a book on sociopaths a few years before I came to the 'Don Elkins' dream. My whole right ear hollowed out and there was a mass ear ringing. I thought perhaps there was a sociopath in my life but didn't think much more of it.
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The second was when I masturbated over the girl who later became my 'Carla clone.' But I wasn't going with the strange fantasies (of cuckolding) I experienced as a result of our collective experience, I went with the idea of us both being genuinely in love. (This was a strong left ear ringing that when I went to the LoO books for help I went to the line of 'unusual' negative wanderers with high seniority coming down for incarnative experience.)
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There has also been a dream when I was trying to find out densities. It said 'this person (best friend) is not Jim.' I think one way that could be translated is the person in my original 'experience' wasn't from the same positive place as Jim.
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Put together these pieces of evidence for me call into question my ideas of having been Don Elkins and in fact completely invalidate it. When I had this experience of realising these things my auric ability has opened up massively and this is what could have been meant by 'if you don't do x you will be stuck in your head'. When I do not believe I was Don Elkins my quality of life improves. And also, this seeing auras thing is a huge freedom in my mind.
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So that's what I'm going with. The problem that I had before was that I couldn't gain insight into the situation by imagining loads of abstract 'negative greetings' but when I look at something concrete. A birth time, a physical flesh and blood human that caused difficulty in my life. Then I can gain some insight on it.

Hopeful

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The next day I'm feeling a bit more hopeful.
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Just saying. It is such a difficult area that it is so hard to get evidence on that there is very little that can actually be 'said' when it is all this abstract.

Monday 9 March 2015

I can't.

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I can't produce my own energy.
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This is how a lot of people no doubt feel. This is the human condition. I know of very few people whom I think are definitely producing their own energy.
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It goes a little into manifestation etc. This argument. I know two people, I suspect they are a couple. One of them is an Aquarius and one of them is a 5D girl.
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If they are a couple, although one of them would then be said to be lying to me about that fact, then that essentially proves my point. (Every single part of the story.)
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Anyway, recently I decided not to phone the guy on his birthday, Feb 9th. Then I met a girl who had the same birthday and another whom is 5D and we had great chemistry. So, combine this with the fact that I am not meditating, I am not able to meditate. Brings me to the fact I am not producing my own energy.
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I am essentially in STS. When something is manifested into my life it is the result of someone elses agenda. Both those people want me to forget about the original 5D girl and move on, perhaps with another girl. This energy is part of their agenda, it is not mine.
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Having my energy aggressively taken like that has been a painful process. I cannot meditate because I get feelings of the original 5D girl. I cannot meditate because to access my own energy is too much of a problem.
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This was of course why I wanted the photo of Don, to start to bring my own energy back. I feel very bad, like I am not going to survive. Like I can't function. This has gotten pretty bad and the fact that day after day roles on and David Wilcocks ideas produce nothing in the real world does not help.
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I can also not meditate because I know that if I say anything about certain areas I will probably be locked up. I can't meditate because I receive a psychic greeting that seems to lock me 'in my head' with a feeling of dread attached.
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I can't see how this can possibly get any better. There doesn't seem to be any way. Perhaps if I feel like this and continue on then they as a reflection of me, would collapse or have a hard time in some way. But that is kind of thin, they have out STS'd me all the way so far.
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So, I'll do the only thing I can do, keep going through the pain and try and use my intuition to the limited extent that I can. I keep losing polarity and, there are very STO forces around, but I keep on losing battles to other people with their own agenda. In order: A) The two I have outlined, first the original situation B) then not being able to busk and gain credibility as a musician. Although to be fair I did some good things here C) them keeping the lie going and me obviously having less power. D) Then came trying to get the photo from Jim E) Then came feeling suicidal and smashing my guitar F) Then came trying to deal with self- centred bring4th members G) Then bring4th as an organisation. H) Then trying to get my music off the ground at open mic I) Then came being treated badly by the moderators at astro.com and having my ideas stamped on by some woman.
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And at the same time although I forget when, Carla decided to treat me like crap as well. She's one of those I'd most like to get back, since my problem with them has stretched back for years.
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Each of these battles I have lost. Each time I have lost polarity and it doesn't seem to me that there is any happy ending here. How can I polarise positively simply SURROUNDED by service to self forces. It's like that excerpt in session 69 where it says; that a positive entity in negative space must learn/ teach, the lessons of service to self. That is a bit harsh considering the depth of evil that entity faces compared with the far lesser evil I face. (Although I fully expect that bring4th would let me go over the cliff rather than bring up those photos, although nowhere near any real negative polarity, that's unpolarised).
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However, as a basic principle that still stands. And that that piece of Law of One material has been put into a Chilean miners symbology that seems to link directly to me is kind of strange. Plus we have this symbology of Isis. Which could have something to do with it all.
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Regardless, push on and hope that something will come through. I'm relying on the environment now because I'm all out chuffed. I believe the current transit is Mars conjunct Uranus Trine Jupiter. Uranus is to do with revolutionary ideas and is on my Ascendant. Jupiter is next to my sun. There is an aggressive feeling also around the revolutionary ideas such as DW's. Which is getting to the 'core' of my being. Mars will eventually pass into the first house and no doubt I will continue to feel terrible about not being able to enforce my 'will'.
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But that does describe it. I don't see how I can go through any sort of healing that stops me seeing the world through the perspective of 'pain'. Which is what was said about Alistair Crowley.
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But how the DW info relates to all of this in that if the revolution happened soon, which of course it won't, but if it did, I would have money, independence, and access to people and information that can actually engage with me in relation to these problems. Symbolically, Isis will simply come down. All the young girls, symbolically all the people taken in by bullshit adaptions of teachings. Will be able to move out of these vibrations. Yes, that makes sense, that is good. 

Sunday 8 March 2015

Cosmopolis.

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I think I've just seen one of the really good films that I have seen.
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It's not a good film since the characters were completely bankrupt of any soul. You seen the hunger games? Well on a spiritual level at least the bad guys there were NASTY and the good guys had something. This doesn't even seem to be that.
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But something that is notable about the main character and those whom he closely reflects, is that he doesn't have a soul or any of his own energy. He is trying to get an honest conversation or sexuality from his wife who he is lying to; and the person he meets at the end, his killer. Also has this problem. It's like they are opposites. One dirt poor and one probably the richest guy in the world, and they both have the same problem.
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This is also underlied by some of the other characters. He has none of his own energy. He is relying on other peoples. Therefore he, quite justifiably, doesn't feel alive.
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Something to think about.

The conspiracy.

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I have two very important rituals. One is that I have Sunday off. And you know that THAT is one that employers will very often try to take from me. It's only happened once, but I know that if I was able to give up my Sunday and 'fit in' I would get a job easier.
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The second is that I go for a walk in the morning.
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I received a dream this morning and woke up with the idea that I shouldn't keep Sunday free anymore. Then a friend phoned in the morning and wanted to meet up. I got the feeling that it was a 'my way or the highway' sort of offer, but I couldn't go out without first having my walk.
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In the dream, both my mother and my friend were in it. And these are the two that tried most to take away my protection rituals and this makes me think.
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I have had dreams with Carla when I first messaged her about being Don Elkins, it said, 'don't move too quickly', which is something I did try to follow.
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I have also had other dreams and coincidental experiences around these things. What I believe is happening, is that I am punching through the veil, and just through the veil, there are loads of coincidences and other occurences that hint towards these truths.
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If someone feels an emotion and wants to stop you doing something, in the etheric they will actually go about trying to stop you doing it. It reminds me of one of the 'hells' that I have experienced where I was trying to live with my mother and she would come home and insist I go out for a walk with her and the dog. There was the 'loving' illusion to this but this isn't love. It would completely stop me doing music. I had to try so hard to do music during this time.
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This shouldn't blind us to the fact that sometimes people really do offer love. Real love.
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Anyway, the point is that you can get dreams which are other people expressing their agendas. You can also get positive things surrounding this. I remember going on a website and I felt, in some sort of dream language that went through reality and waking state that the girl went through her facebook and straight into my dream. Everything to do with this girl is positive.
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So what? I have learnt something. And I have learnt information that can stop me being enslaved to people's opinions and desires in the name of 'love'. (For what other 'high minded principle' could be so effective in creating slavery at the higher levels.)
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On Carla which I mentioned up there. When I wrote to Austin about past lives this is what the q'uo readings came through and said. Exactly the same thing. I don't know how to explain exactly how creepy this is. And when I mentioned some things whereby they were trying to shut me up on astro.com, a women came in and channelled for me (without my wish i.e. against my free will) in exactly the same manner as the language in q'uo, telling me some stuff that I don't feel was useful. Or even if it was it came from someone who evangelically disagreed with my views and whom made no effort to apologise for trying to stamp on my being.
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Anyway, I followed this advice that I had been given by dream readings for years. When it probably wasn't the best thing for me to do. It was probably just a selfish woman's desire to not look at the whole 'Don Elkins past life' issue, regardless of how it effects others and their psyche (and the incredibly convenient fact that others whom have come out with past life ideas like David Wilcock are 'evil'.)
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Tools for finding our way through these sorts of things are good. I would have preferred love, but since the girl that I was extremely magnetically attracted to turned against me, I will have to do with 'tools'.
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(Actually these are just my thoughts, but I do feel they are true. When my friend contacted me I felt it was all a bit off but this is where the coincidences lead. Remember, someone can have almost no problem with you whatsoever, but the part where they do have, if you then can pick it up. Can disguise itself as 'guidance'.

In this case especially, as in all cases basically. The story I 'sense' is more accurate, more completely describes the evidence, than the story that is presented.

In fact I'm not sure about the story and the real story. To keep sane it's not a big deal. My plan is to become basically powerful by getting a job etc.)

The next bit.

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I've had a fall out, with another group of people.
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Not really a fall out but an agreement on my part to separate, not sure how real it is, if I will keep it up. But on astro.com, I was saying loads of stuff, and then somebody tried/ very much succeeded in blocking things I had to say, and having mine and others posts deleted.
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This bought it home to me that astro.com is not really on my side, it is an anonymous body with it's own potential agenda. When I go on there I am adding my light to astro.com's agenda in that when people come on the forum looking for help, I'm there talking about astrology so people do not go elsewhere.
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Then what happens is because someone has a problem with something I am saying. Something I am saying in relation to them, basically bouncing off their energy, the part of them that I reflect, astro.com simply deletes my post. Which they can do at any time to enforce any agenda they want to.
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Just before I ended my blog on bring4th, a moderator came in and deleted something I said on it. But it was MY BLOG.
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To me, there is something to do with accountability here. Because people start STO organisations they then have the balance of power. They can then decide to use their own power which is there to stop STS individuals coming in and being nasty to everyone for their own purposes. With this power if anyone says anything they don't want they can then skew accountability.
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So when I felt people were behaving unjustly to me in that forum, and I say something about it. I said something outrightly angry BUT, I was faced with an absolute wall of simpering, indulgent, reluctance to hear what I was saying.
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This is the 'structural problem' that dogs our society. People have to be accountable to their actions simple as. Carla Rueckert said on her show something negative about David Wilcock, then I asked her to clarify and she simply very deliberately ignored me and refused. The security services are above any reproach on a recent BBC nasty 'this week' episode with Andrew Neil. Where the issue was are they treating some of these young Muslims in such a way as to trap them so radicalisation is the only option.
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This also comes into vibration and spiritual vibrations. If our spiritual vibration raises above a certain level then we have these feelings and we want these things to be solved. We need them to because all the talk of 'boundaries' etc. Doesn't hold up when you get down to your real feelings. So essentially, in a way it is a vibrational 'cap', you can't go above the level of accessing your feelings if an individual that has the inclination to snub or ignore what you are saying is up there at that level of vibration.
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And this is what David Wilcock teaches and experienced. I have learnt so much from this person, he is perhaps one of my ONLY spiritual teachers (although I mention things about Carla Rueckert up there, she has also been a spiritual teacher). Plus friends comments etc. Anyway, he had it in a rather overt way that he lived with an evangelical Christian who one day came down and tried to stamp on all the things he was learning through the LoO and other things.
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People who have power have agendas. The only way to stop people not being accountable for their actions at EVERY level is that individuals have power. If Carla's followers were not so complete 'yes men' then she would simply not be able to get away with that behaviour. She gets away with it because people are desperate. But if they had money and security in themselves, happiness and meaning, if she said something like that and refused to answer then people in general would just say 'Er... Are you going to answer that then?'
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Same with politicians and the media. Although I don't know if this apparent lack of 'fight' is something that may not go away. Regardless, the solution seems to be to carve out a place on the internet, or a set of skills, where people simply can't delete your posts or ignore what you are saying. If you have a platform of some sort and an individual voice, you say something, it is on record. Like David Wilcock has now written a book on his case for being Edgar Cayce. If he says something about someone then people know about it. And, if somehow I am able to create my own independence. To move out (so I can't be bought down at the opportune moment by family members that don't understand me) have money, and my own space on the internet that no- one can modify what I am doing, then I will also be able to create my own independence.
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If I became a musician, guitar singer- songwriter, well then, I may or may not have that independence. But if I did I would certainly have power.

Sunday 1 March 2015

non scientific part.

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Now those past lives are coming up again. Not seriously but a little. I wonder whether I am like the 'non scientific' part of Don. As in, I know the stuff but don't go through the scientific process, it's all intuition!

Prediction resistance.

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I made a sort of prediction on the guardian website. That Labour would get a minority and UKIP would join them in coalition government.
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I've heard several things against that since then. Polling saying Labour would get a majority, Nigel Farage saying that he doesn't like Ed Miliband.
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I would like it though if my prediction was correct, standing here commenting, and there was no option for resistance.
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:).