Improving the body.

I wrote my post yesterday, truly believing I had a simple solution to improve my life/ health. "Do more exercise". And that doing that would absorb my energy and I might not be posting here. I am stuck home today. Not able to do exercise due to health reasons. It is obviously more complicated. 

Yet here I am:

This Pearl Davis tweet is not about her usual subject matter. It is her explanation of a long term effort to lose weight and what she has learned.

She knows more about it than me. One of the things that people that lose weight say a lot is that if you lose it quickly. You also get it back quickly. I have lost it quickly previously. When she posted this I was getting results and thought I knew better. But I have, in fact, gained more back. 

She stated that she gained 2 million followers on youtube and ran marathons, and both of those things were not as hard as losing weight. I think somewhere along the lines of 45 lb's. 

The thing that I want to emphasize here. Is not her specific advice. Even though parts of it are definitely good and relevant to me. The point is, is that this is the amount of care and attention that is needed to improve health outcomes.

One of the things she says is that you need time to move these habits into your life. A person needs six months to focus on one specific thing. What the nutritionists and personal trainers do is that they overload people with all these things at once, and then the person tries it for a while but falls out with it.

There are many things she has said here that I will not need to do, and many areas I need to put effort into which she has not mentioned. (Pearl does a lot of exercise so didn't mention that!) But the point of looking at it all carefully and slowly integrating changes into a persons life I think is a good idea.  

Fogginess.

Not much to say. Just a quick check in for a few reasons. 

A) I am not going on twitter anymore. Elon has stated that he is starting to do a rate limit process. Where users who are unpaid can post twice an hour. I had not understood how much going on twitter effected me. I would often go on all day. I would be on it all day from when I woke up to when I went to bed at night.

But if Elon is putting in rate limits. He basically doesn't want me there. The Law of One is quite clear that on the service to others path you either offer service or withdraw if no service is requested. 

The amazing thing for me though is that I didn't realise how much of my cerebral energy was going there. There are a lot of highly intelligent comments on X. A lot of highly complex. Political, scientific, philosophical, or just all around deep posts.

When I am not on twitter. I find that I have more of that cerebral energy. I find that when I wake up in the morning, I can go on philosophy youtubes. Which is something I really like and was not able to make myself do previously. Might in the long term improve my output here. I am also reading slightly more. 

B) My health struggles are not yet fixed. I thought they would be fixed. But it doesn't look like they are yet. I also have a new complication. Gaining weight has thrown up an issue for me as a type 1 diabetic. My insulin rates are set. But there is a huge difference in insulin requirement between resting and active now I have gained weight. There is also other strange things. Such as that my body has a craving to supply sugar to all of itself but seems to only have the appetite to supply a thinner version of myself. There is definitely a tension there and I have a theory that there is in fact a natural inborn mechanism to try and get back to a healthy weight. Even if a lot of people don't have an experience of this. 

Put simply. Really simply. These are interesting insights I think. I have a lot of insight into metabolism and such being a diabetic and this might, given enough time, provide insight into how the body works in general that can inform others trying to lose weight. But simply put at the moment. I am kind of compelled into exercise. I am going to do low insulin and cover the shortfall with exercise. I need to modify my life to accomodate this, and will probably have experiences in exhaustion and such.

This is all a bit stressful and weird so I am not focusing on writing the blog. As in, I am literally not focusing. Not deciding not to focus. Not feeling clear enough to write. 

I have been having my normal profound thoughts. Reading in these areas and such. Reading the Law of One. But at the moment because of all this health stuff I am just completely lacking clarity.  

Book V. Second blog post.

So, continued thoughts here then. Following on that Law of One section I quoted yesterday:

The work that was perforce mine during this time of psychic greeting
was, as Jim pointed out, very helpful in focusing my will and attention. I
remember feeling tremendously uplifted and held in safe hands through all of the
episodes. The key was the surrender to seeing one’s own dark side. I think Dion
Fortune’s description of how to deal with a vampiric entity, in that case a wolf,
still to be the most direct example of the understanding needed to move through
such times. This wise soul had a wolf appearing at her bed, during training in
white western ritual magic. The solution was to draw the wolf directly into the
breast, loving it and accepting it as self. Against fearless love, the powers of
negation and death are helpless, and melt away.

I think those of Ra were very careful of our group, compared to some sources,
who did not show much concern that they were wearing the instrument out.
Advice such as was given for me could well apply to anyone who must husband
one’s energy 

Wolves are lovely. My last dog was a wolf. 

What strikes me here is how I am quite sure this is not my preferred attitude to handling negativity in general. 

We know that Jim, the Power person and sixth density Wanderer. His perspective was perhaps one of increasing power. If the entity shows you a weakness, then you can appreciate that. It improves you. Carla's here, the Love person and sixth density Wanderer. Sees it as an opportunity to Love. In a way that I find reflexively disgusting. You do not let the predator into your space. 

What of the attitude of Wisdom? 

I have found through trial and error that sending love in any form to people. Having that as a solution to outward problems. Doesn't seem to work for me. I prayed once upon a time unsolicited for people. After I discovered that in the Law of One they advised to send love to the fifth density negative entity. I figure there is no problem with sending energy and free will. Thinking back on past women and desire for them is an energy that I can't do much with. But I can transfer that sometimes to some version of 'They are the One Infinite Creator'. 

It's a question without an answer yet. But I wonder if Wisdom has a different response to this? I remember there was one session where Don was asking the contact if there was anything he could do to improve the fifth density negatives experience. I recall something of the answer which was "Service is only possible to the extent it is requested". 

Perhaps there was confusion here because it is wisdom that needs to be immediately applied to the real world? If you say you love someone you have to immediately do things for them? That wisdom has no preference for feelings like that that are "unmanifested"?

For that reason, perhaps the Wisdom attitude to... "Negative Greeting". Is along the lines of something else? Withdrawal? Ignoring an input as irrelevant?

Perhaps not. But I thought it is an interesting idea to explore.  

Check in, comment on Law of One book V.

Just fixing my health. As part of my quest to become a real health nut. I am stopping alcohol. I used to keep open that door because it seems to be better for communion, but it might be time to close it. If the rule I have in my head is "alcohol yes", then I can't say no to alcohol. If the rule I have in my head is "alcohol no", then I can't say yes to alcohol. Been messing myself up a bit with drinking alcohol. 

Drinking plenty of Pepsi Max though (which I had this big insight recently I shouldn't be drinking). I get very dehydrated and tire of water. 

I also need to wait for the effects of medication that will kick in tomorrow before I really feel well. So a short entry. This is also why I have not been posting.

I am reading the Law of One book V at the moment. Book five is different from the first four in that there is a lot more commentary from the Law of One trio that wrote the book. 

Reflecting on this verse. 

This from Jim:

The following information gave us some insight into how one’s choices
can be used in either the positive or the negative sense even when there is
the seeming interference of negative entities in the manner of what many
light workers call psychic attack and what we came to call psychic greetings.
We chose the term greeting to emphasize that there does not have to be a
negative experience on the part of the one who is greeted and that the
experience that the one who is greeted actually has is in direct proportion to
how that entity looks at the situation. If one wishes to see such a greeting as
a difficult attack, then that becomes the experience. One can, however, also
choose to see the Creator in all entities and events and can praise and seek
the light within any situation, and then that will tend to become the
experience.
When this latter choice is made the psychic greeting becomes a great
blessing in that it presents to the one who is greeted an intensive
opportunity to see the one Creator where it may be more difficult to see and
which, when accomplished, develops a great deal more spiritual strength
than may normally be developed without the negative entity’s aid in
pointing out the weaker areas of our magical personalities. Psychic greetings
can only be offered by negative entities’ enhancing our own free will choices
that are distorted towards service-to-self thought and behavior. Our poor
choices, usually reflecting a lack of love towards another or the self, get
magnified by the negative entity and bleed away our efforts to seek the light
and serve others until we are able to balance the situation with love,
acceptance, compassion, tolerance, and the light touch. This is why Jesus
said to “Resist not evil.” To resist and fight is to see someone or something
as other than the self, as other than the one Creator. That is the negative
path. The positive path sees and loves all as the self and as the One.

This is a hard line to hold. This kind of positivity and appreciation for the negative. I don't quite know how to process it. It is not something that comes to me naturally. It is not an understanding that naturally "flows" for me!

One of the other things that I have thought through. Talked about before, is Stefan Molyneux's definition of Love. "Love is our involuntary response to virtue, if we are virtuous". So that would not include malevolent aliens that have nothing better to do in their lives than sit there and try to mess up our lives psychically!

I wonder if what Stefan is talking about here is 'the pull of the magnet'. In that when they were talking about choosing an archetypal path. Astrology, tarot or the Kaballah. They said you choose the one where you feel the pull of the magnet. This might be what Stefan is referring to. Like... do we want to hang out with someone or not? An inner knowing. 

But love as defined here. Seeing malevolent entities in a loving way is not quite that. 

Regardless, whether I am right or wrong about these things. It seems to me that it is something that will take a long time to understand. 

Conclusion.

For me, things are going well. For some reason. There is just a kind of click. A kind of luck. Things are just flowing more than they once were. I like my identity as someone who does not drink. Now that I drink a lot more water and have other healthy habits. I may be better able to handle the non alcoholic varieties for communion.  

Getting things right.

My "output" is currently in flux. 

I have had a mega success spiritually. I have got my meditation right. Meaning. I have been having deep, semi religious experiences meditating. One day it felt like I had got deep enough to feel a part of myself that just seems to have the answers. That just emotionally knows if a question is important or not. 

Part of the improvement has been reading dreams before going into meditation. I... obviously... have a very active and technical mind. One that kind of grabs things like a dog grabs a bone. When meditating. If the first thing I let my mind do is to focus on the dream interpretation. Which is hard work mentally. Very random. Very difficult to find patterns in... Then either I get insights. Mega bonus. I am very stuck on that particular month. Or my brain gets tired and I go into a deeper meditation. 

I had an article written about 2/3rds through. Talking about David Wilcock. Going in depth through the way I saw his mindset. Correlating it to my own. Which is very similar. Schizophrenic tendencies. Obsessed with the Law of One. Explaining how I think he might have been thinking. I think I have a significant advantage in my understanding in that I have looked both at the skeptics. And the other more positive sides of his output like understanding the Law of One. The time he spent at llresearch. 

But, I deleted it. It just didn't seem relevant. People are going to believe what they are going to believe. In many ways my new meditation has kind of blissed me out and lead me to believe that not a lot of stuff is important in general. 

I do want to mention one thing though. That is kind of political:

 

The comments revealed on that second image, that the son is actually doing very well. The parents show off about their son even though they have behaved like that. Apparently he never offered one word of complaint but then just cut them off.

What I am about to say actually does relate to the meditation. It was strange when I was meditating that there was some sort of conviction that "it is all in hand" when it relates to karma. Not only that there is some sort of grand plan to make karma happen. But that karma is somehow instantaneous. I may have to go back for more answers on this. 

The trouble is with meditation is it seems to strongly emphasize subjective sensations like that. That are not always that outwardly interesting. But if I had gained information from observation. Then it would be easy to express in a way that was clearly positive and helpful. 

The point of these two images though. Is the gender balance. In many many areas of life is clearly skewed towards the female. Without this fundamental situation changing. I don't see how we can move foward as a society. 

I had once imagined that at some time in the future, we would have a massive disclosure and a lot of women would realise that the feminist agenda came from a very negative place. That a lot of politicians they believed in are extremely negative people. That this would break the society in a way that would be obvious. And karmic.

But now I am wondering if that is not how it will go down? It could be simply that AI takes a lot of the jobs that women are doing. It could be that things just move around in a way that can't be directly challenged or articulated. But the change of which, would mean that a lot of the people that don't want to. Never have to confront how crazy their beliefs were, and how much damage they did. It would be consistent with how free will works. 

In my view. This has been an uninteresting post and I should probably wait for a little more clarity before posting again. Just an fyi. 

Transcient information.

Having got home today. Just taken the dog for a walk. I am never prepared for the amount this exhausts me!

I realise there is nothing else I have to do than watch TV. I have read as much of the Lord of the Rings as I can. And for whatever reason. Perhaps because I have matured, and am reading way more complex stuff than I was as a child and would read all day, or because my brain has been through the ringer; I can only read a little bit at a time. Like, a chapter. Then I need some time to think about it. 

So I've done all the reading I can. I am thinking about my complaints about the liberal infiltration of media in relation to this Law of One quote:

Questioner: Do you say the United States actually has a manufacturing plant in Mexico?

Ra: I am Ra. I spoke thusly. May I, at this time, reiterate that this type of information is very shallow and of no particular consequence compared to the study of the Law of One. However, we carefully watch these developments in hopes that your peoples are able to be harvested in peace.

In this section of the Law of One. Don is talking about something that is really, really important from what I would understand. If we were to understand the secret technology held back. We would be able to literally heal disease. 

But Ra, a being far higher and with more understanding than any of us. Is saying that no, this is not important. The important thing is our individual understanding of the Law of One. 

It is a bit of a contradiction because it seems to me very obvious that we should oppose "evildoers" in our lives. But in this sense, it is not the case perhaps. I saw this today:

Not something Don asked on. Unclear if he was not aware of it or did not think it was something that was relevant to ask. But this information is 'negative' in a sense. In that, even it's utterance brings to mind service to self ways of handling the situations. 

The Law of One would have classed this kind of stuff as transcient information. So we are not to engage with it? The Law of One was quite clear that doing service to others things was the thing to be doing. Classing even, as in the above quote, relevant conspiracy information as "no particular consequence in the study of the Law of One". 

Also mentioning in other parts that doing things like meditation has a clear and powerful effect on the world. Lightening our kind of collective mind. 

The take away being is that being stuck, without socialising opportunities to spend your time at instead. Stuck watching TV. Is not the end of the world. That that is a more transcient concern I would think. It is must something I do while I write blogs, play music, and get on with other tasks.  

TV is getting too bad.

A bit of a different topic for this post. 

I have realised that to talk on this point, I have to be so careful about spoilers that I might as well just not mention the shows specifically. Just talk about what is generally true of modern shows. And generally true of older shows. 

Here is a video that is backed up by all the comments and many other videos on youtube about the same subject:

Youtube: Lack of Entertainment: How The Boys Became Insufferable:

https://youtu.be/KAHFQepXYqI?si=KZfIOyvIIKTwhgNs

There is actually a lot that needs to go into this. A lot of thoughts. But I will not be too long on all of it. 

I am finding an incredibly reliable pattern with a lot of these shows. They hundred percent know what people want to watch. So they make a good start of a show and get people hooked. And then add in the liberal agenda at the end of the show. When they have nothing to lose. They screw over all the characters people like. They humiliate characters in a way that doesn't make sense (such as Joker 2). In 'The Boys', they gave redemption arcs to the black characters. Only the black characters. Which didn't make a lot of sense from the set up. 

Redemption arcs or "villain arcs". One where a previous good character becomes a villain. Are very often done wrong from my understanding. In a sci fi show I once watched, a character who had unbelievable love for his daughter goes on to become space Hitler. It just didn't fit that he would be able to love like that then decided to try and kill the entire world for a personal grudge - to kill other young women like his daughter. The Redemption arc in 'The Boys' didn't make sense either. In the other direction. Characters who were set up with no moral fibre. No seeds of goodness at all. Later turned out to be really good people because of... 'blackness' I suppose. The melanated skin inevitably produces moral fibre apparently. It produces 4th dimension vitamin D and grows the conscience.

One show that has not done this, I suppose, was Picard. One of the older shows that I liked was Grimm. It became a bit silly but was a good show. But a LOT of shows have, either this problem. Or another problem. 

I went back to older shows and I have also found these not compelling. I will perhaps give other shows another go. Or even the ones I didn't like. But there is a definitive lack of understanding of human psychology in some of those older shows. The characters act kind of sociopathic for no reason at times. I have felt an even bigger repulsion to this at times. It is quite maddening. Preach to me about the beauty of black skin liberals. I cannot take anymore of these closet sociopath characters in older shows. 

I wonder, a deeper question then. What is the function of all this TV? Am I wasting my life? Well, that's debateable. I do have a lot of free time and I do do other things in the day but watch TV. Including reading the Law of One and other books. I would have got a playstation one by now if I had more disposable income. I binge watched seasons 4 and 5 of The Boys in a couple of days when I was quite ill. Not able to do anything else. It was in a period of non prayer and hopefully, now I am praying again, that won't happen frequently. 

I think, pretty much everyone is lounging around not doing much at the moment. With the economy so completely dysfunctional. No one has any money for leisure or to pursue meaning. No one is having kids or dating, apparently. 

But even so, I can't help thinking that there must be some other option to watching all this TV.  Some other thing I could be doing. I get quite tired reading. I don't like to watch too much youtube because it is intellectually taxing and we all need some chill time. I was watching powerful concepts a few hours ago and stopped after ten minutes because I was not following it. The concepts were too profound.

All are interesting things to consider. 

The process of 'understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness'.

 

There was a time when, in a very paranoid manner. I would message someone if I used their tweets in something like this. Just to inform them. But I don't think that's necessary. Also, I suspect, in almost all my communication with any woman, at any time. That if I message them, they think I want to sleep with them, and that's my only motivation. Like, I can't have an internal world with motivations outside of that one. 

If I was saying something negative about them I might hide the names. But since I am only going to talk positively about the validity of the wisdom here, I am not going to do that.  

These are two valuable tweets though to me. One of the things I do think is interesting is that women put a lot of their internal world out there on display. Whereas. Guys tend to write long, very well thought through statements about how things are. Fully analysed. Even if it includes their own experience, it will have context. Women, with all the positive feedback they get from the world. Will often just say "this is my experience". And leave it at that. 

Once women add analysis it often becomes things like "a real man... toils and slaves for a woman for no benefit without protest" or other, self serving statements.  

There is a statement in the Law of One that I think over frequently.

Questioner: If an entity develops what is called a karma in an incarnation, is there then programming that sometimes occurs so that he will experience catalyst that will enable him to get to a point of forgiveness thereby alleviating the karma?

Ra: I am Ra. This is, in general, correct. However, both self and any involved other-self may, at any time through the process of understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness, ameliorate these patterns. This is true at any point in an incarnative pattern. Thus one who has set in motion an action may forgive itself and never again make that error. This also brakes or stops what you call karma.

Insight.

I was thinking of this the other day, I have thought of this frequently because it does actually describe in some sense what we are supposed to be doing here I suppose. But I was thinking about this recently, and it seems obvious to me that this is the same way catalyst is processed through a person. Understanding (the mind) Acceptance (the body) and Forgiveness (the spirit).

I wrote previously on what some of this might mean here. In it I talked about how understanding, might actually be a complex process that sometimes takes years and the examples I gave are things like when understanding of a situation reframes the whole thing. For instance, understanding you had childhood trauma that trains you to interact in a certain way. Or some other issue that was energising the problem that you previously saw as the sole moral deficiency being on the other person. 

Acceptance though? I have talked before somewhere about how I think the male mind/ body/ spirit complex specifically works. Not that I know if women do or do not work the same way, but I suspect they work slightly differently so will not talk on female psychology here. 

One of the things that I have noticed in going to the gym is how it improves my thoughts. And it improves them very much in the direction that it can remove a lot of anxiety from previous thoughts and allow me to see clearly. An example is at a previous workplace, after a gym session, I suddenly had the insight that a female manager had deliberately been placed next to me to pick at me. That when she asked if I wanted help with something and that I should "send her the call". It was in the view of catching me out. Which she did, eventually, do. 

I was not able to confront this at the time because, I think, as I have observed before, my subconscious had calculated I could not oppose an entire workplace of people that didn't like me. So I was not able to confront within myself that this was the situation. But with the gym. With the testosterone increase. And the cleaning of a lot of these stresses out of my muscles. I was suddenly able to see that. 

There is another element of animalism that this highlights as well. I think if we are in a position of too low status, we are not able to process the world as it is because we make these sorts of concessions. I suspect, but have not confirmed, that for women. Social networking plays a larger role at this point. I have known women that have gone to the gym a lot, and while it helps them. It doesn't seem to create the sense of relief that is close to a religious revelation in its intensity that guys experience. Women it seems like to talk things over with their friends, and I think that kind of strategising is part of "body" strength potentially. 

The tweets.

This comes back to the tweets at the beginning for two reasons.

The first one, where Pelton Elroy talks about "forgiveness". Is this forgiveness? I don't think it is. The insight she is describing is not a forgiveness issue. It is an understanding issue, that others are different from us. 

The second one, about the lymphatic drainage massage. Talks, I think, with some validity about the process of acceptance. To really feel the emotions like that might happen long after "understanding" has happened. As I said, my theory is that acceptance is about the body. 

More to say.

I have other thoughts and questions about this. I wonder if the process talks about something a bit different. For instance, with "understanding". In general, if you start understanding things, you understand a lot of interconnected things. Like 'Oh, this is how women psychologically function'. Or 'Oh, my health impacted the situation like this'. It tends to apply to a wide variety of areas. 

So a "process" of understanding, acceptance and forgiveness would not necessarily be relevant to a single individual. So is a larger process being described here? A process whereby the way the entire world is looked at is very different?

I don't have answers on that yet. But it is yet another question on this which adds a little bit more context to the discussion.  

Self Deception. Prayer.

Things are good.

The positive change I noted in the last blog post. The decision to drink water frequently instead of Pepsi Max. Is having an extremely positive effect on my health. I drink fizzy water, with ice, and lemon drops. Means I can guzzle it. Liters a day. £2.65 for six two liter bottles of fizzy water. £3.50 for two bottles of Pepsi Max. 

I don't think this will be the last time I get confused about something on the spiritual path. The last time I think stopping something good, or doing something bad, is the answer. I seem to gain quickly by making errors. 

But it's an interesting thing to think over, the three articles I wrote, one with human design transits to back up my thoughts. The citadel I was creating in my mind. Taking information from my daily life about all the reasons prayer is NOT good. 

Self Deception. 

I remember hearing Stefan Molyneux one time say that he has a great ability to manipulate language. That the real danger of that is that he was able to convince himself of all sorts of bizarre stuff. I think there might be a bit of that going on with me. I am thinking of the case I was putting together in my mind to talk against prayer when I decided to do blogs again. 

So what follows is my general thoughts on the subject. But bear in mind, these are very subjective thoughts. Since they are on this kind of mystical/ metaphysical subject matter. They are "schizophrenic adjacent". They are general points. The argument I had against prayer even included Law of One quotes which I will summarise here.

The first point is that when I went back to prayer. Something completely wordless seemed to suddenly improve within me. I could suddenly see a lot of the thoughts I was working with were deluded. But I could not explain why. It was just a knowing. 

There is a general, extreme, feel good sensation from praying in general.

Benefits of prayer.  

During meditation. When I was praying frequently. I had the sense my consciousness was rising higher in my body and thinking less about sex. Sexual matters in general. Without the prayer, that was not there anymore. (I still meditated in the period I stopped prayer).

One of the theories I had about why it is good to stop prayer. Is that prayer seems to me to afford some kind of protection. Like, it seems to block general unpleasant sensations and some thoughts that may come from others. There is a line in the Law of One. Session 99.8, that talks about how on the positive path. There is a mental protection while on the negative path. There is a kind of sharpness of mind that the person uses for this. 

Following on from this. I theorise firstly. Within a Law of One paradigm I believe. That we are basically psychic, and if people are spending time thinking of us. Or even subconsciously doing so. We will feel the weight of them in our minds. This has some crossover with our internal objects if you were using an atheist paradigm. What we think others feel about us. But in this blog, the paradigm I am using is the psychic one.

If they feel angry at us we will feel a little worse as an example. This was especially true of me when I left a job where every single person there hated me. It was an office with a high turnover, but there were about twenty people in a small office. When I put on an Ankh, which I still have on today. I did feel some measure of protection from that. I felt less aware of a kind of hostile energy there.

Following on from this. My thoughts had been that when we relax our prayer field. When we are not protected. Other peoples real feelings get through to us and we then use that catalyst for our spiritual evolution, rather than blocking it. In whatever form this takes, (like, it might take the form of being interested in a philosophy that encourages a certain outlook in response!) 

Specific examples then. In this non prayer week. I had an insight into someone that did not like me and a comment her friend had made about how I had suddenly acted "weird". It was a sudden insight to me how this would be their (her and her friends) obvious conclusion. 

Another example is after prayer, an anger I constantly carry and that I am often watching for moments in its relaxation. I thought of an ex friend of mine. A previously very close friend. And thought about his more negative qualities and remembered they were there. I don't think of them much. But the anger I carry with me seemed to be 'discharged' in that remembering. 

Another example was I felt a stronger feel than normal from using a crystal. 

While I was not doing the prayer, my sexual fantasies changed massively. They were completely different. Less powerful. Less complex. 

There was also another thought that never completely gained traction. That I myself was not convinced by but was playing with. That if we are created by the Creator. We should not need to do the additional step of praying everyday. We should be perfect, with everything we need, as we are.  

Now that I have gone back to prayer I want to take these thoughts down. 

The sexual thoughts and the crystal stuff are not that relevant. Even though there is a different feeling from the crystal. Crystals, practically, have only ever delivered a very mild difference. I do like them and do feel a life force from that. I like carrying them with me. But they have never been strong enough to deliver a real world, identifiable, change. 

The anger thing. Finding a concrete place for my anger. It seems good on the surface I think. But in truth. It is not good necessarily to find places for anger like that. It will only bring up more anger now the emotion has somewhere to go. Like a positive feedback loop of getting more of something. 

The girl and the group thing. So, this girl is very left wing, didn't like me. My next point about peoples coherence in general, refers to this example. 

Pluto placement and larger thoughts. 

This, again might be me putting things together that aren't right. But it's what I am thinking at the moment. It's my best understanding/ interpretation of the world, as I am experiencing it.

My conscious Pluto is as follows (it is on a blue line if anyone knows what that means!):

28.6 exalted: The deep, intuitive, drive to win no matter what the cost. 

The human design, has some really interesting wording for some of the placements. Placements that show capacities of no virtue. The capacity to delude oneself and others (David Wilcocks conscious Sun position). Complete abject despair without the possibility of anything else (47.6). The tendency to be so broken that not even therapy can fix a person (18.5). The utter refusal to take accountability (4.5). Like Law of One quotes. I have written a few of these down to remind me of how varied and unpredictable life is. And that there is sometimes even a reason for things like this in the grand scheme of things. Things we would assume are 'negative'. "Gods plan".

This might be one of those. The deep intuitive drive to win no matter what the cost, might be of a really ruthless person, and I do have a few other placements that back this up. 

Here though, my perspective on this is that the world is awash with a lot of confusion and brainwashing. A lot of people, in my view, are not at all coherent in their belief systems. While I would not say that they do not consent in free will at their own messed up behaviours. (How could anyone ever know that, that is for God). I would say that there is enough incoherence in everything at the moment. To make an impact. As I have mentioned before. The negative polarity will get to a place on this earth where it breaks. And a spell will be broken for many people at that time. Concessions people believe they need to make, they will not need to make anymore. 

Concluding, bringing it all together.  

In my view, this future point is going to be very relevant to our current situation. The people that are angry with me because they are left wing and I am not. Are going to have a shock when it is proven the politicians and the system they support and worship has been doing monstrous levels of evil. It is likely in the future, in my belief, that the left will be so destroyed that nothing of its existence will be anything more than a historical footnote. And a dark one at that. 

If this were to happen. It does not mean that these people should be immediately "forgiven". It is also hard to hold a stable viewpoint of people if you plan to forgive them, and plan for them to have different behaviours in the future. This is maddening. But it does mean that what they are producing now. If they are sending anger. Might, simply not be a valid and useful feedback for catalyst. 

I do not any longer think that prayer provides protection. Like, a shield barrier. Blocking things from coming in. I think that it reframed my inner thoughts so that these sorts of energies from others are found a positive use within ones mind. 

In the long term. I am waiting on real world change bringing status changes and such. But in the moment, it is important to have good thoughts I think. The minutea of negativity before that is not necessarily relevant.  

Back at it.

So, I've had some insights and realise that I might have "detuned" for a week or so. My last three posts. Now reverted to drafts so inaccessible. Were about how I had had this massive insight that prayer is not psychologically healthy. 

My health always goes badly wrong when I stop it. This time was no exception. But the experience gave me an insight as to what might have been my discomfort with prayer. 

I... did something that is very stupid for diabetics to do. Type 1's anyway. I lowered my long term insulin. Or... well... there was a mismatch between the ideal dose and my actual dose to several units lower. This allowed me to break down fats, to go into 'ketosis'. So to speak. Which theoretically, is a very good way to lose weight.

Not for me though. And sometimes, not for regular people either (regular people can go into ketoacidosis!). Diabetics specifically struggle with this. When they do not break down sugar via insulin they break down fats and create ketones. Good for weight loss. But the difference is, diabetics, without insulin in their system. Create a LOT of ketones, very quickly. Create an overacidified body, which is usually how they find out they are diabetics. With a hospital visit in that very precarious state. 

So I did that. And started getting tired and nasceous, extremely dehydrated. Now, I know what this feels like, and what it means and I came out of this. But while I was figuring this out. Thinking it through. I realised I am drinking a hell of a lot of that caffeine free Pepsi Max. (Which is extremely acidic!)

Along with reading now, the fifth book of the Law of One. That in one of the beginning write ups talks about when you are spiritual you have to be in line with what you teach. I realised, that even though I have been praying every day for good health. I have been drinking Pepsi Max. This is an extreme contradiction. I am basically working against my own prayer. I think this is the reason that prayer suddenly felt wrong for me and like it was peeling away from me. 

I do not have any more blog centric points right now. I have prayed and do now feel better. I will still possibly need some time to recuperate and get back to my normal thoughts. But I wanted to undo the previous three posts where I discussed the brilliantness of stopping prayer. I am not 100% sure prayer is good. I might have got something wrong here. But I suspect that the real reason that I wanted to stop prayer was because of this hypocrisy, and that stopping Pepsi Max. Never having another glass. Will solve this issue. 

Closure.

I am holding off on a blog post. A certain subject. It is something I have posted before, changed my mind on, and deleted. Something that is very important. But because I have made the decision and changed my mind before. I do not want to write about it and commit to it, because I do not want to change my mind and delete it. I want to flesh out the experience of this change. Get more data. Make a better case. Hopefully it will only take one more full day. 

I do like to post everyday though. Else why make this post? 

So I will lay to rest a kind of boring subject. I have realised I don't care a great deal about David Wilcock and what was going on with him. Yes, it was a shock, and yes, it gave me a little bit of insight ref my predator/ victim post. (This has reflected into other people).

When I was young I attached to him a lot. When I grew older and realised he was a fraud (whether legitimate or pathologically naive). It essentially set up two different people. Two different people in a sense that related to him from myself. One was the young and naive person. Then was the freshly skeptical adult. 

I had some feeling for him left over from my childhood. You could kind of feel his desire for things to change positively and I wondered how he would be in that world if it did happen. (Him being a criminal). 

Despite him being connected to the Law of One. Despite him having opened my eyes to a lot of those things. He went from fraud to fraud to fraud. There is a kind of law that Stefan Molyneux discovered. "Love is our involuntary response to virtue, if we are virtuous". I don't really feel like I can have any particular positive feelings for someone that engaged in all that fraud. 

Synchronistically perhaps. I was watching one of the last season of one of the best shows I have ever seen today. Person of Interest. This will be a spoiler. But not of any overarching plot. Just of one episode. In it a conspiracy theorist, who is actively searching and runs a radio show. Stumbles on real evidence of something powerful/ supernatural. The evidence is not conclusive though. It is a strong and significant clue in the right direction. 

The protagonists try to explain to him, after he is nearly gunned down a few times. That he cannot reveal this information. Which the conspiracy theorist agrees to. Then changes his mind. 

But when he puts it all on the air, there is a different response than what was expected. The first person that phones in wants to talk about his own abduction experience. He isn't engaging with the material. The second one is bringing in some ridiculous idea. Some wacko idea not at all correct. It becomes immediately clear that even though the conspiracy theorist radio host really cares about the subject matter. His audience do not really. They are just wackos.  

Learning and book four of the Law of One.

I'm in a bit of a change period. Where I am trying to apply a concept. A spiritual concept. One that I have applied before and has not been successful. To see if I can gain information. To understand things. So I'll make this entry simple. 

So, reading the Law of One then.

In book 4. The Contact talks to the group that it will instruct them on the tarot. The major arcana. This is a teaching process. Not a lecture. So the contact instructs Don to look into the tarot and ask questions based on what he thinks they are trying to express. 

I have often wondered about this. That the readers, have likely not done that same amount of introspection. So what of free will. Are we not having our free will violated by reading the book?

This is not the case. For some reason. I do not know why. But in reading the book the contact is clearly aware of the situation. It states that Don's job is not to create an infallible set of images. But to generally introduce people to the material. Something like that, in session 93 or 94 I think. 

But there may be another way that this works. A theory I was working on, trying to think through a few weeks ago. That I may have hinted to here but I don't think I came out and stated. Is that there is something about the negative that is more objective in a kind of callous way than the positive. The negative, simply adapts in opposition to the positive. Like I previously discussed. If just lies to sabotage the positive. An example is that the liberals used to say for years "keep religion out of schools". Then when that was done. They are adding Islam into schools. Prayer days and such in UK schools. 

The negative is also very grounded. Very obsessed with the result in the physical world. It appears in many ways to be able to give the best result. Whereas, the positive often has to explain a whole lot of abstract and long term thinking in order to make its case.  

I played with the idea, but like I said. Can't really do anything with it. It is kind of vague. There is no POINT to it. In a sense. But then I saw this quote:

Questioner: There seems to be no large hint of polarity in this drawing except for the possible coloration of the many cups in the wheel. Part of them are colored black and part of the cup is white. Would this indicate that each experience has within it a possible negative or positive use of that experience that is randomly generated by this seeming wheel of fortune?

Ra: I am Ra. Your supposition is thoughtful. However, it is based upon an addition to the concept complex which is astrological in origin. Therefore, we request that you retain the concept of polarity but release the cups from their strictured form. The element you deal with is not in motion in its original form but is indeed the abiding sun which, from the spirit, shines in protection over all catalyst available from the beginning of complexity to the discerning mind/body/spirit complex.

Indeed you may, rather, find polarity expressed, firstly, by the many opportunities offered in the material illusion which is imaged by the not-white and not-dark square upon which the entity of the image is seated, secondly, upon the position of that seated entity. It does not meet opportunity straight on but glances off to one side or another. In the image you will note a suggestion that the offering of the illusion will often seem to suggest the opportunities lying upon the left-hand path or, as you might refer to it more simply, the service-to-self path. This is a portion of the nature of the Catalyst of the Mind.

My emphasis. 

It really gives me a place to put that insight. In a sense.  

This answer here, also seems to feed a little into the post I had two days ago. Not conclusively. But it is interesting:

Questioner: I was just wondering if the transparency of the garment on the third card indicates the semi-permeable nature of the veil between conscious and subconscious?

Ra: I am Ra. This is a thoughtful perception and cannot be said to be incorrect. However, the intended suggestion, in general, is an echo of our earlier suggestion that the nature of catalyst is that of the unconscious; that is, outward catalyst comes through the veil.

All that you perceive seems to be consciously perceived. This is not the correct supposition. All that you perceive is perceived as catalyst unconsciously. By the, shall we say, time that the mind begins its appreciation of catalyst, that catalyst has been filtered through the veil and in some cases much is veiled in the most apparently clear perception.

To me. I am wondering if I am thinking these things over. So in a sense. I have requested the teaching. It also makes me wonder about my thinking in general. This whole thing was semi profound, religious even. My thoughts came first and the quotes came afterward. I have read these books fully when I was younger, about twenty years ago. So it can be explained by the subconscious. 

But if thoughts are kind of structured or guided like that. A lot of my thoughts might be relevant. Leading somewhere. So to speak.

Bringing powerful metaphysical knowledge to real life.

So, to buffer against the fact I am doing a boring first section to this article. I will explain it's trajectory. I want to summarise my own personal situation. Then highlight some pieces of information I have gleaned from dream guidance, which links into the Human Design Chart. 

So your pal No Name Here (I've never been able to change that! I assumed I could when I started.) Is getting FAT. It has come from bad choices on my behalf. Namely, for about six months I have been stuck in a loop of being extremely afraid of constipation. The only thing that worked was chocolate. So, rather than do the sensible thing and go to the doctor for something that is stronger than what was already prescribed. I got stuck in an anxiety loop where it was the only thing I thought about. But the chocolate, sorted me out for the day, and I steadily gained weight from around 82 kg to 92 kg (I am 5'10"). Making my BMI now 29.7. I have never been fat before. Before about 2020 I never had an issue with weight and was steadily about 23.7.

I now have better medication for the constipation. Am meditating daily. Have been to the gym once but plan to go regularly. Things are moving but, there is a lot that needs be retraced, so to speak. It will take a huge effort to move in the right direction in reference to weight. The second I stopped caffeine, my weight was 92.8, 92.6, 92.4, 92.2, 92.0. Sounds good though. And then, unexpectedly, somehow, the following day, I was 93.6.

The point is now to take as much information as possible. Learn the precise thing that created that specific raise. Weight every day, precise food records. Etc. 

This is a model I put together from a long time of dream interpretation. The input is the general stuff of life, but there is a central spiritual thing, usually an injustice, that a person is focused on. The Good Light is all the good things a person motivates towards. Spirituality etc. The bad light is the stuff that is changeable within us but is kind of dark. All the stuff you can psychotherapy out. 

The Bad Darkness is things that you can't change. Like, a genetic thing. Tik Tok autism type of stuff. Things that will not fix via psychotherapy. Good Darkness is the things that are good, and that might be side effects of Good Light. But in the environment that we live in, they might not be good. An example is having a fairly high expectation of good behaviour in a fairly low status job. The negative side of a good self worth, and spiritual concepts that we are all One. 

The output is how all the real, gritty world problems are created. Things like narcissistic tendencies or whatever. 

When looking at the next part of the dream after this. I feel a complete sense of endless confusion. Even when looking at previous dreams where I apparently got this information. I can't remember how I did so. 

I have tried many times to interpret the dreams that followed these insights. To no avail. It's like something has been switched off. So I went back to what has already been gained to see if the energy blockage is coming because I have not yet applied what I have been given properly. 

There is more to say here, more insights I have already gained from this. But the point is, is that the many tools I use and talk about on this blog. They have to have real world relevance and application. 

When I look at this model. Including some of the things I have already found out about it. I feel intimidated. I feel small. That I am really putting together new knowledge from the depths. But in order for this information to be relevant. To be needed. It would have to apply to a problem that seems insurmountable almost. And I am in that. The health issues are not the only issue. I am also unemployed. Getting way to old with not enough experience dating for that to ever work out. Etc. 

Predators. Victims. Things to think over.

Some conflicting viewpoints going around in my mind. As with most conflicting viewpoints. The answer is probably exasperatingly in the middle. The eternal "balancing" and all that.

Youtube: Royal City Church: Exposed: The Sin Behind Your Morality: Pastor Andrew Carter. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaGSLLYi8Uc

The world is full of a lot of different theories. With my very non traditional beliefs. From people like Paul Wallis and Aaron Abke. I don't believe in some of the fundamentals of current Christian thought. Some of the things that are very fundamental.

But, as I mature, I feel I am starting to grip a makeshift tolerance. In the world, I have observed that people that have beliefs that do not make sense to me. Like deep skepticism of new age thought. Or mainstream Christianity. Nevertheless provide a lot of "Service to Others". 

To me, the way it seems to work. Is that people grip some kind of belief system that is service to others. And then, they add their intention to it to do good. And basically twist most of the belief system to legitimate service to others.

The Protestant (unlike the Catholic) religion is strongly anti any kind of salvation by works doctrine. It is purely salvation by faith which means technically, a purely technical argument. Is that you could murder in cold blood and for not good reason every single day, but as long as you believe, or claim to believe, you have given your heart to Jesus. You are all good. But even in this video Andrew does not hold a line as hard as that. 

The point that I wanted to gain from this and that I am thinking over. Is that it summarises a belief that we can never really know what is going on inside another. The example given was that there was a very charismatic character in a town at one point. People trusted him with their kids. His name was John Wayne Gacie. A prolific serial killer. 

Youtube: Pearl Davis: Betrayal is Internal and Has Nothing to do With You. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb2UfCnbqRE

I've talked about this woman before. I have heard a lot of very profound things from her. Her platform really seeks to, in humorous fashion sometimes including ridicule. Really show up a lot of female manipulation and such. The trouble is, with all female creators in this kind of area. Is often their very presence goes against their own argument. Pearls wisdom in a lot of these videos, I think, is quite good. 

But this is the other perspective to take here. In this video. She talks about dealing with people and some patterns she has observed in the real world. 

A lot of the time we just have to observe the way people are in the real world. 

Real experience: 

One thing I have gained from Davids recent behaviour. Is that, as the stories come out about what he was living through. He really was a victim.

I spent a lot of my young life obsessed with his narrative and his materials. I wondered today if, on the subconscious level, I had perceived that this had threatened my friendships when young and if I was angry about that. It is a strange thing to consider having had a completely subconscious insight that I have not been aware of before, and having some emotion around that. 

I still feel rage that I was lied to. Which is something I obviously need to come to terms with. I believed he had real insiders. He did not have real insiders. So that is a kind of aggressive act against me. 

But as the stories come out. It shows that David does seem to have been a victim. He spent ten hours on the phone a lot of days with a friend of his. He lost absolutely millions to Stavatti. And as Jay Weidner is apparently about to chronical, Corey Goode also had a lot of psychological hold over him. 

It is an important thing to have a concept for dealing with manipulators and seriously toxic individuals. But it seems to me possible that there are legitimate victims who do appear like predators. 

It is not clear whether the whole area is more complex than can be understood, and is only really up to God to understand. Like the Christian view I talked about. Or if the continual processing of catalyst, can lead to some sort of understanding beyond my initial understanding. 

Just stuff to think over.  

Experiences with suicidal people.

I realise, the way my emotions are going. I'm probably going to be talking about David a little. I feel that this is boring to readers. But the thing is with writing. Is that if you sit down to write a blog and only one subject is in your mind. You can't write anything else. There is a bottleneck effect in many things in this way. 

I suppose the only other option is to not post. 

When are you going to get the money? 

I read from John Christian Spadavecchia (impossible name to spell, that!) That a percentage of Davids income from both any courses he did, went to Chris Beskar. 

When David made his last call to the police department. One of the things that he said is that he was living in poverty and could not eat. 

So effectively what was happening was that every bit of money David had was going to Chris. But that also means that if any of his friends and family gave him money, or even food. They would be indirectly funding Chris Beskar.

It seems to me that David died from a pure stubborn refusal to stop giving his money to that parasite. There can't have been any compelling legal reason for David to give money to Beskar. Since David was not getting anything back from Stavatti despite investing millions of dollars. That means that any contract that the two had, Beskar was in default. Beskars position could be legally challenged. But it doesn't sound like there was a legal situation like that because David had given a whole bunch of money up until that point without any such agreement. 

Comparison to personal situation. 

It brings up memories an older, very similar situation in my personal life. 

I became very close friends with a woman over lockdown. She had serious mental health issues. She had a lot of trouble sleeping. I would talk to her everyday and see her physically a lot. 

A lot of her friends had flatly abandoned her. People that she had thought her friends. That had been friends over decades. Had suddenly stopped seeing her. People over that period, who obeyed authority completely and stopped seeing others, obviously believe there will be no karmic consequence for that. According to the outward evidence, I cannot yet disagree with that. 

She was effectively all alone, but I did see her. Why did I see her? Because I don't have the same political beliefs as all those people. I didn't slightly care about any of the COVID restrictions. The only ones I did pay attention to were the ones that I had to. Like, I had to have a mask. Just to make my life easier. But the second the all seeing eyes was off me I just did what I wanted. It was not a serious thing to me. 

This put her in a bit of a bind as lockdown ended. I was very vocal about my political beliefs at the time. Which I attribute partly to my medical condition. But I was not cool in that sense. I was someone that was inconvenient to hang around. Because she did not like those political beliefs. She liked leftist political beliefs more and was angry I had those. And would specifically mention that her friends had discussed this and disliked my political beliefs. 

I intended to go into this more deeply. But I realised I can summarise it more here. Her decision at this point was to jump into the arms of these friends. The kinds of people that would ignore her in lockdown. Some that did, some that she had not known before lockdown, but would do. And she got nasty/ passive aggressive with me. 

This very much cornered her. Because some of those leftists that she began hanging around with. Were abusive. And she was in an extremely fragile state. I don't know the half of it but suspect this was pretty bad. Including emotional blackmail. She got nastier and nastier with me and... literally... why would I put up with that? Seriously, even if I had known the eventual result. I would not have stayed friends with her. The connection seemed to have no healthy parts of a friendship left. She had sided, conclusively, with people that were open enemies to me.

To be clear, I don't even think being super loyal to me would have been her way out of the situation. She probably needed to go live home with her mother since she couldn't do basic things. She disliked living with her mother because her mother lived too far away from Beachy Head. But in the lack of showing the integrity of some sort of loyalty to me. She, of her own volition, got involved with abusive people. That was her choice and not one she needed to make. Since me and her had no problem that was initiated from my side.  

Free will. 

You know. People have free will. I'm sure if David had said to anyone around him. "You know what, I don't think Stavatti is on the level. I used my great detective skills and super intelligent mind to discern that". I'm sure the many people giving him advice would have said. "You know what, you're probably right!" In a far more emphatic way. "This is how you exit this situation now!"

It is hard to sympathise with these people when they are making such clear decisions in self destructive directions. 

When someone dies in this way. There is often some sort of effort to promote the idea of them as a completely innocent victim. Perhaps this is partly a 'don't speak ill of the dead' thing. But, in life we need to recognise patterns and use what we experience to avoid future dangers and problems. We cannot do that if we are not analysing, with a critical mind, situations like this. 

The fact is, that David made these decisions. I'm sure, being in a room with Chris. Is an extremely frightening thing. There is a certain fear that happens in the presence of sociopaths and malicious intent, that you don't get with even life threatening things that do not have any particular intent. It is a deep and unpleasant fear. 

Maybe my viewpoint here is uninformed. One of the not inconsiderable benefits of not having high status is not having to deal with people out to screw you for whatever benefit comes with high status. People intending to prey on whatever psychological weakness a person happens to have. 

Deeper demonic things.

This though, is what I attribute Davids problems to. It is quite clear from a lot that was said about him that, for a long time, he was coming apart psychologically. It is from a Reddit post I wrote. And explains to me, why Wynn Free, also died at the same time:

For me, the way I look at it is that he was probably influenced by something very negative very early on. I think his forays into the positive protected him a little. But eventually the negative won out. From my experience having a "compulsive" belief I was Don Elkins in a past life (and later on a schizophrenic break and suicide attempt). I think how this happens is that the negative can lay the foundation for that kind of belief, through a lot of stress, and then when the person believes that they were the relevant past life character. They set up an internalised object (from Internal Family Systems) of that character. That can then speak to the person from the negative entity whenever it wants. This then feeds into the subconscious and creates a lot of the things David described. Like having strong dreams that he should be part of Stavatti.

It's "very clever". Because it all feels rather compulsive, positive and internal once the person is hooked in.

But more to your point. From a Law of One perspective obviously, there is a certain charge to doing things like reading the entire Law of One, then committing wholesale to "transcient" subject. Which yes David could very well have drawn afoul of; and is all part of the same story obviously. He could have taken a very different route early on if he had studied the Law of One more seriously.

But had he done that, he would not have associated with Corey either. "As above so below".

I recall there was one moment where he went on holiday and had a dream that people were robbing him. He seemed just close to getting it but then he goes: "Anyway, Stavatti will be getting the money soon". He missed very obvious sign posts. So he was obviously getting a consequence to requesting the information. Talking and teaching on it. But not paying attention to his own dream guidance and such.

For me the original trigger was probably bad health (a serious health condition) pressing on my brain in a way that I was not aware of. For David, it might have been that he got involved in strong psychedelics when he was very young. Like, completely zoned out on mushrooms as a teenager because he stole those drugs from his parents.

This post is marked down to -1 on Reddit. Another one discussing similar powerful inner dynamics is at -7. People on the Law of One reddit keep marking down my posts and then getting upset when I say I do not intend to post there a lot. I only went back to the Law of One Reddit forum to post on David and will not post on any new threads there. Only respond if I have posted on one already made. 

Short ramble.

Just at this moment. My mind has stopped being able to do the things I usually like doing. Because of this David Wilcock thing.

I can't consciously access any particular thoughts on him. But I know that my mind is working on him. So I can't do the normal things I do. Like read the Law of One, the 48 Laws of Power, or another book on Jupiter I have by Liz Greene. I have an instinct that I can get back into that kind of thinking through the right route. Perhaps Human Design. (Perhaps because I can also work on Davids chart, and my own chart, with the emotional elements) But getting back to that kind of thinking of having insights is not as clear as it was before. 

My "internal image" of David has to be updated.  

Also, at the moment, I am feeling a vague kind of frustration. I am close to the end of watching one of the best shows I have ever seen in my life. Person of Interest. The storyline focuses on an AI and it is very intellectual, powerful, adult and layered. 

But reading up on it. I find that like almost every show I have ever watched and enjoyed. It was stopped prematurely for money reasons. It feels a little frustrating. Fiction and science fiction books have been nuked by DEI. Straight white men cannot write books anymore due to Karens in the publishing houses. So any book you see will be written by women. Who have not deserved the place. They are "DEI hires". And women usually write smut anyway. Science fiction now has way more smut in it.

TV shows have this issue. Where because of the demands of the money people. Shows are chopped and changed around and the writers are given contradictory messages. Told there will be six seasons more, then ending it after two seasons (Last two seasons of Stargate SG-1). Fringe had a similar story. It is a similar story with virtually every show.  

I have done well though, with daily meditation and prayer, and some medication. Also, coming off caffeine. To be in a constantly kind of clear state. Which leads me to the question of what exactly can be done with my intellect? 

I think, for me, David's Q- positive narrative meant that I believed the main real world will sort itself out and I do not have to bother with that so much. But his death has meant that suddenly I am not seeing it like that and suddenly I am thinking through ways I could have or should impact the world. This will probably lead to a lot of personal insight. 

Wilcock bites the dust.

So, David Wilcock is reported to have taken his life by shooting himself in the head on the 20th of April. The news has just filtered through to X. 

The type of readers that MAY follow me, from places like the Law of One forum. Even going back a few years. But also might not. Would be interested in that. 

For me, a lot of people are saying how tragic this is. I don't know if I agree with that. I do not think it is explicitly not tragic. But, at the same time. The guy was a bit of a mess, and he had taken a lot of decisions that harmed others. Like financial fraud. 

Even though we don't like to hear of someone doing that when we think they could have gotten out of it another way. It is also true that we live in a world of consequences. Many, many of us want people to experience consequences for their actions. And sometimes this is what that looks like. People have free will, and they can choose to not face consequences, whatever that looks like, when those consequences come knocking. 

David could have removed from Stavatti, sold his house, paid the IRS. But he did not want to do that. We do not know if he ever faced the fact Chris Beskar and Stavatti were lying to him. But he did not want to face those consequences. Did not want to admit that he was wrong. That he had been channeling something nonsensical of even negative. 

He could, of course, not have been in a good frame of mind. He had become extremely schizophrenic. We do not, as a society, actually have resources to help people in that position. I had a family member temporarily committed and he had to pull a patient off an unconscious nurse whom he had just hit and wanted to finish the job, and that was not the only problem. 

I did not know David personally. But I have had the suicide of someone I have known personally. And what I have learned from that situation is that there are never any good, satisfying answers. The people that have the answers, if there are any, will probably not share them. The person doing the suicide, doesn't think their thoughts are interesting enough for anyone to listen to, and they are not always that coherent anyway. Plus, real life is quite complicated. There might be several different reasons. Like, when you are stressed in life you often can't see the real problem, but with hindsight it becomes very obvious. Even if we knew the reason given it would not necessarily satisfy the part of us that questions. 

It is still a bit of a shock though. I had followed David when I was young and that kind of familiarity never goes away completely. I found him before I found the Law of One, I think around when I was 14 years old. When my brain was still forming. More recently, when I would feel myself falling back into his crazy orbit I would go on his detractors a lot. To re- remind myself of the world as it really is. 

Maybe karma.

When I find my microphone. I will do a youtube video on my thoughts on the archetypes. Focusing on how, before the veil, the 9 archetypes were only Matrix, Potentiator and Significator. Now we have the 21, and what the change, what the added extra archetypes, mean. What we can draw from the veiled situation creating those additional archetypes. 

But like I said, I will keep a lot of that away from the blog. Too in depth. 

For me, my health is in a good place from medication that I can finally come off caffeine and oh my god I am tired. I am tired all day. BUT, for the first time in months I am able to sleep AT NIGHT. It seems like the caffeine really was screwing with my circadian rhythm. I need a few days of sleeping at night. At the moment I sleep but I still feel tired in the day. 

There is a strange thing that has happened in England recently. Something that part of me does not want to really talk about. Since, as I have clearly stated, I am not a left wing person. I do not believe in the centralisation of state power and such. I do think Stefan Molyneux, who does not believe in government at all, has got it all right in terms of philosophy. 

However, in the UK there is now a renters bill. During my time I have seen quite disgusting behaviour from landlords. Charging people for things they did not do. Raising rent on people that can't afford it. Allowing problems like mold to stay in houses. A lot of houses have a real attitude about people on 'welfare'. Or who have pets. - I have seen a lot of cases where people had to throw out pets because a new landlord would not have them. 

Rather like how the tech bros in California, who had been promoting leftism for decades. Suddenly got upset when they were getting taxed huge rates. Some pushback on the constant behaviour of landlords is welcome in my view. 

I am not saying I agree with it. Or that I have looked carefully at the other side. I am just saying, that from a lot of individual cases I have seen. It is really highly positive. So many animals will no longer be put to death because of this. And animals, pets, can really add a lot of peoples lives. They can alleviate the most crushing loneliness and misery.  

Luckily, I personally am not a philosopher. Philosophy DOES have to have some sort of opinion on things like property rights. So it's just one of those interesting things I observe as I get on with the rest of my life.  

Piercing archetypes.

I have moved on a bit with my understanding, from the Law of One, on archetypes. It is hard work, I would say. It is hard mental work. Some of the lines I read I'm like... "Ah... I'll need a day to absorb that." In the later sessions, the insights like that would be almost every line. I can see why Don might have had trouble integrating all of that learning. 

But there is a problem with this. I am worrying a little about free will all of a sudden. I do not want to express many of my thoughts on it here. I might carry on with a few youtube videos on the Law of One and major arcana. But videos can only convey basic information - and they make things seem simple. The kind of information that could be conveyed via blogging, which includes a deeper emotional communication. I don't think would be OK to explain at this moment. 

There is a line in the Law of One that says something like if you study the archetypes you can really screw with peoples free will. Because of this, when I am out walking, I am starting to flip between different archetypes. But when I am with someone, I don't even allow my thoughts to go there. I think I am in the Significator most of the time. But I get moments and insights from the other two I have thought over (Matrix and Potentiator). How all these link together can also be run via the Human Design in general, and mine or others human design. So I had an insight yesterday about how one of the hexagrams from the Matrix of the Mind, gate 21, feeds directly into the Significator of the mind gate 45. 

It kind of makes sense how you can mess with someones free will with this. Because if my human design links with someone elses human design. Then if I move into a new archetype and emphasize something different. This can then link to their human design. A lot of these connections are kind of compulsive. 

But, the real world is also a thing. These concepts are interesting. But the real world is... also important. 

I do not know yet what real world application this information will have. But one thing I have brought recently is "The 48 Laws of Power."  

When I first learned about this book I had the assumption that it was like "service to self" guidebook. But there are a lot of books that are dressed up in that kind of language that are not really that. The real service to self books. Like Saul Aulinsky's "Rules for Radicals". Are not that. 

Anything politically left is the service to self, and I believe it to be the first stop for students of that polarity. Pol Pot, the leader of the Khmer Rouge. Studied at the Frankfurt school; and used explicitly that wisdom in his genocides.

What I think the book is, is that a lot of generally positive people are out there swimming with the sharks. A lot of times, nothing other than that kind of wisdom and tactics is useful. 

The strictly positive, Law of One linked wisdom. Seems to have pretty much no tactics against things such as social sabotage. 

Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn to use your enemies: I have been so screwed over by people close to me, for perhaps jealousy based reasons as is discussed. 

Law 10: Infection, avoid the unhappy, and the unlucky: This talks about how people who are kind of downers should be avoided. It is reflected in Stefan Molyneux's narrative. Avoid the divorced because they are a negativity that creates more divorces. 

Law 40: Despise the free lunch: I once heard a woman tell me how she never let a man pay for the first date because then if she decided to sleep with him, she knew it was for herself not a sense of obligation. This is a practical step known in the middle class. 

A lot of the laws sound far more "Machiavellian". To use a probably misunderstood term. But the entire thought process. If you are not familiar with it. Can also link you in to what might be going on around you in day to day office running. 

Anyway, weird times for me. Medication and health success. But intensely so.  

Learning the lessons.

I have been having successes. In my spiritual life. 

One insight I have been having for a while. Is that when you are kind of stuck. When you can't seem to move to improve anything because a movement in one direction. Will seem to get a response from the Universe to immediately prevent that improvement. A good thing to do is just to focus on one thing.

When there is a lot that needs to be improved. It is very easy to think you can do about five different things daily to improve it. However, generally if you do those five things. You will get overwhelmed and not do any of them. It will all get too intense. 

Also, almost the same thing but just a little different. When you do do something that is working. Say, meditation is working. Then it is easy to start to feel better, think you have a bit more energy, and want to add another additional improvement. Which is part of the same trap. An additional improvement will come. But it won't be added on as a thing just to improve some outcome. It will tend to come as a deep, spiritual realisation that a thing obviously needs to be changed and should have been changed for a long time. 

That's where I am. Meditation is the single thing I am doing every day. The second thing I think will improve a lot of different life outcomes is: coming off caffeine, completely.

I have had a long set of problems coming off caffeine previously. When I was in my twenties. I used to drink a 2 litre bottle or more, of diet coke every day. I would read a book by Stephen Cherniske. Caffeine Blues. Which went through a lot of studies to explain peoples physiological response to caffeine, and that it is actually a serious drug.

I did come off it. But as I have learned more about my health and improved said health. Including putting less pressure on my liver (through technological health improvements). I have thought that maybe it would be OK to go back on it. Maybe my previous bad reaction was part of my general ill health.

But now, I do not think this is the right choice for me:

My Personality Chiron placement in the Human Design: 12.5: The Success of Restraint lies in not abandoning the lessons learnt when the phase ends. 

My personality Saturn placement: 5.4. This will need a bit more explaining because I'm still not quite sure what it means. I'll also quote more. The blue line: Waiting as a guarantee of survival. Exalted: The power to make the best of ones fixed rhythms. Detriment: The drive to deny one's own fixed rhythm with predictable costs.

In general, the entirety of gate 5 is about that. About rhythms and such. 

I do not know precisely what this could be. But the way that caffeine is messing with my rhythms at the moment. I think at least. Is that it is easier to ignore your light/ dark circadian rhythm, if you have a chemical to help you do that. What is indicated to be about will power is actually to do with material substances potentially. 

I don't know of course that is it. It might be that my fixed rhythm is the eccentric rhythm of not sleeping at a normal time. I don't know what my sleep pattern is without caffeine. But I suspect, that I am using caffeine in order to DENY my own fixed rhythm. Which is the detriment of this. 

We all have similar demons of course. I am an unbelievably sensitive person when it comes to any drug. I used to know a guy that, when I slept around his house, he would drink a tea before bed, and sleep like a baby. The guy can take pretty much anything including pharmaceuticals and not have much effect from it. Perhaps some sort of "warrior gene". 

But I am not like that. We all have personal limits we have to deal with. 

When I stopped chocolate I went back to dreaming that had stopped for a long time. When I had chocolate and coffee recently I woke up with a painful heart that was pumping too hard. Coming off caffeine will be hard, especially in the first few days. And I do have it sometimes for medical reasons. But I think I will get the spiritual rewards if I do. And that's what it's about!

It's annoying. I've had two bars of chocolate and two coffees. One of them really strong. I am in such a good mood now. Really have to deal with moodiness when I don't have caffeine. But then I suppose that's the catalyst I work with.  

End of article. IQ and Grok. 

Just at the end here, I wanted to add a more playful bit. 

Recently, I found out that Grok can estimate a persons IQ. It estimated my IQ. To the same number, exactly. That I got in the MENSA test that I took once. I am referring to the percentage number of the population. Which is the number that matters. The actual number doesn't. Because it is different in each test. If anyone doesn't mention this while talking about IQ. In an other than casual way. Then they do not know what they are talking about. I've never seen anyone discuss it! 

Anyway. My IQ percentage is not a round number. It is not 40 or 45. It is an unpredictable number like 42. 

Anyway. That. Was AMAZING to me. For it to get my exact percentage like that. To use an analogy not real numbers. 42, not 41, not 43. Was just... Wow.

So I started doing it with other people. It was humbling. Especially, the women. There was a women I did it for that is not famous. Not well known on twitter. Higher than me. A LOT higher than me. I can't imagine talking with a woman whose IQ is higher than mine - that I know about. Who talks like that. 

A problem came though when I posted this on reddit and people came in with vitriol that I would even consider IQ to be a relevant concept. I got voted down by the leftists, and the halfway sane people making comments like "reddit doesn't like IQ discussions". Did not upvote me. This was a weird concept to me. If it has the same result that I got on MENSA, that should be pretty amazing no? Even if you don't agree with IQ. It got the same as the Mensa test! That. Is. Cool. 

It shows a difference with me and those sorts of people. I hear about something like IQ and I am excited. The first persons IQ I did was Stefan Molyneux and it is indeed a lot higher than mine. It is interesting. Someone like me sees a concept like this and tries to get something good from it. 

What is the mindset of a person that just avoids any mention of IQ like it is some sort of heretical text? How can you go through life not learning things from basic everyday tools?

Madness I tell you!

Anyway, so that's all I have for today. My caffeine come down will be HEAVY. But rewarding.  

When theory replaces experience. Part 2.

I like to do a blog a day. There are other things I do daily as well. Like meditation, prayer, etc. I have a big check list of things and if I did them. That I mark off daily. For that checklist. There has to be a cut off point. So at 0:00 it is a new day. It is not the old day. I can't do another prayer and mark it onto yesterday, even though, strictly in thought terms, until I go to sleep. It is technically the old day. 

If you understand what I mean.

So technically I did one blog yesterday and one today. Even though practically, they are only about an hour apart. 

Meandering or important?

I feel two things about what I am about to write. It includes a LOT of personal information. Some of it, like the last post. Even whiny personal information. But it is also very important to me. I am trying to capture a pattern that may be relevant to my physical health. Offering potential insight that might solve a physical health problem and helping me towards the paradigm that physical health can be improved by improving psychological health. I am also running my real experience through Law of One quotes. This is meaning of life stuff. It also brings in previous things I have expressed and how it might relate to health. How it might relate to psychological health. In real terms. So that is also important to me. Using the kind of information I produce in real help terms. 

The part I would like to discuss, and how it relates to my health and the Law of One. Is this quote from my previous blog. 

I worked at an office once where I was bullied by women. They made sure that they were having social events every week and inviting everyone to them except me. And any woman I interacted with there stopped talking to me after the first time. I would talk to them. Everything would be fine. Then the next time they would sit next to me. They would not say a word. Even to respond to hello.

This made me feel like I was actually going mad. I suppose I was. That would be the effect of this kind of long term gaslighting. (There were other things that happened at this office). I worked there for two years.

I was not able to effect them in any way. They usually left pretty quickly. I doubt any of them (there are about twenty names behind this, I still remember first and second names of many of them) will ever see any bad consequences from this. The anger from this expressed itself in ways that have undermined my psychology (found indirect expressions) and it's just now I am starting to grip this. It's been 8 years.  

I copy everything into One Note, and that is the formatting in One Note. 

I wanted to talk about then, what thoughts came out of those experiences that were so poisonous that 8 years later I am still working on them. 

I was in my late twenties/ early thirties in this job. My sex drive was high. Even though it is kind of reduced because of my bad health. I recall at one point, I think it was in my early thirties. Trying to prevent myself masturbating for three hours and losing. 

The experiences I had, as I have just summarised in this passage. But to just repeat and expand. I would be sitting in a place. A girl would come and sit next to me. I would start up a discussion. Nothing big. Just what are you studying? Spiritual stuff. Music etc. It would go fine and they would be positive and warm. Then next time I would sit next to them. I would say hello. Just hello. They would not even look at me. As happened with Hazel. And many others. 

I often go walking up the mountains with a dog and my mother. A dog that is hard to control because she is very strong and kind of hysterical. Whenever a male jogger comes past. 90% of the time they wave or say hello or something positive and I do back. Whenever a girl comes past. Less female joggers more women walking with one other woman or their dog. They do not say hello. I wave casually, say hello to them. I am not likely a threat with an elderly mother in tow. And 90% of time they DO NOT say hello. 

What Jesus would possibly call a "trespass". Too small of a deal to get worked up about. But, would it be "hateful" if I then, as is logical, said hello to men but not women? Just as it seems logical for me to adapt to the way women behave in the workplace.

If I had any power at all and there were any specific advantage that men had over women from dealing with them. This would be classed as "sexist". 

Anyway, I do not have a lot of experience with women. Not 'no' experience but barely any. Spent not much of my life with a girlfriend. So what do I do with my sex drive? This from two entries ago:

I am not able to write stories. I have tried and tried again. I had this idea a while back, based on the Law of One, session 18.5 I believe. That says if you have sexual desires not consonant with the Law of One to play them out in your head. I thought I could write stories with weird sexual things happening. Again and again I tried, and I have tried real stories. It never comes together. It never feels right because I can't see into the characters. 

I don't have the option for sex. So I would make these stories. I remember one time there was a very attractive blond girl that came to this office. She saw me, looked over, and arched her body forward. Caitlyn. So, out of a kind of conscious rage. I tried writing stories with these women. And them doing specifically sociopathic things. Really unpleasant things. 

As things have gone on though, this tendency I think may have lead to an energy blockage. 

Working from the LoO quotes:

From Session 18.5

Ra: I am Ra. The proper role of the entity is in this density to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away. 

"All things desired" is a bit of a vague point to me. I take it that what is meant is that we should go out and pursue what we want? All things desired might be money, might be having a good intimate partner. Etc. "All things desired" is a sticking point. 

Nevertheless then, what we are to do with the experience we have is to analyze, understand and accept them?

I have had many other difficult discussions. People that have screwed me over and things. I had a close female friend that killed herself. Male friends, as I mentioned in my last blog, turn on me because their girlfriends gossiped. 

All of this rage. All of this stuff. Has kind of combined. These stories with girls from the office that I mentioned. Combined with friends and stuff I have fallen out with. Have all been featured. 

Creating these stories has meant that I keep alive the image I have of a person. Rather than just letting them go and motivating towards a new "good" thing. 

The health implications:

Constipation. That is my health problem. Serious. Like, needing medication for it. It happening for months. Causing a lot of discomfort.  

When seen in the terms of a spiritual situation. Having an experience, a "catalyst". Should be understood and accepted. Analyzed. This means it has to be remembered. Maintained. This is the general frame I have used. 

But what if, what if, as I have discussed in "The problem of evil (Parts 1- 3)." There are things in our lives that can't be processed? Because they are part of a kind of disconnected evil that we can't really understand. A truly alien type of thing?

I am wondering, if the frame of the meaning of life linking to maintaining past situations like this. Past not particularly positive situations. Is linked here? What if, we are meant to take some stuff and analyse it. But some of it cannot be used so has to be gotten rid of? Like the body. It digests food but it ALSO throws out a whole bunch that it doesn't need! It has a load of fecal matter we get rid of every day. 

More theorising on forgiveness. 

I have talked before, a few times. Of my utter hatred for the theory that we are meant to forgive others without contrition. All the many reasons, including Law of One quotes. Why I do not think it is correct. 

This is talked about in the therapy community. Ad verbatim. There are a lot of people, and a lot of comments on youtube videos of people that have been through real abuse. Often from their parents. Saying how much they do not find this to be true. How it has reopened abusive situations. Perhaps how it is a violation for people to even say that. 

Somewhere, I am not sure where right at this moment. I will take more notes on my next reading through. The Law of One states that in the negative polarity. I think this was from a negative planet. People that have lost polarity by being dominated. Also gain the desire for negative polarity. 

The way I understand that. Is that when an evil person dominates another. The other person is angry and hates them a great deal. So they desire to get above the evil person and dominate them. 

I wonder if this is avoidable at all? The negative has a way of moving everything into its frame. It is harder to be positively polarised when a gun is pointing in your face. 

If there is a negative person who does something negative to you. Do you have any other choice but to hate them and want to dominate them back? Is this just a natural, animalistic response to that?

This is the reason, I think, that people that have been told to do forgiveness without contrition, rebel against this. Forgiveness without contrition is the teaching of the abuser and enabler. They never focus on the abuser needing to forgive. It feels like the person abused is being made to "forgive" for the benefit of the abuser. To keep the abuse going (Which... They are! That is the result hence revealed preference).

So, if you think like that. If forgiveness without contrition is just abusers insisting on their way. Then it becomes hard to let things go in general. It feels like you have to fight for the right to hold your own feelings and memories. 

For me, justifying like this. Letting go of things. Because some things are evil and can't be processed. Kind of squares that circle. 

Conclusion:

I... do not have a lot of faith that things like this can actually influence the physical. Nothing I have been aware of has changed anything physical. But, it is worth thinking about. It organically came together. 

I can feel the part of my body that is preventing things moving properly. It is in my large intestine at the lowers part. Roughly between the sacral and root chakras. Which also kind of fits.