Reflection on some human design transits.

I want to write a blog today. But if I am honest with myself. I am probably too low energy to write a blog. I am compelled to go to the gym. But the huge amount of highly fatty foods I have been eating to sustain it. Constant bacon and sausages. Means that my liver is struggling a bit I think. Will have to finally stop going to the gym for a little while. Even though I love it and feel compelled often. Just so I can eat a few vegetables. 

The combination of the gym and meditation feels like the golden thing for me though. Both of those things get rid of a lot of the crappy thoughts I have. The gym via just exercising out a lot of tensions and wearing me out too much to think much about sexuality. Meditation, by raising me up and making me feel a little above all the crappy concerns that sometimes bother me. I feel intuitively far more comfortable with thoughts that I identify as being difficult for me. 

A few things I want to say. Several articles I think and I don't have the energy to write it all now. I will have to try and choose only a few things. I might be able to get to each thing by being brief. 

The first, is that I had an insight based on the human design transits the other day. That stuff is all constantly whirring for me. When Venus was in 18.4 and Mars was in 15.4.

The Venus thing potentially correlates with me stopping porn. As I talked about recently. Or, I stopped it rather, when the Online Safety Act came in. But I mentioned it having an effect on my psyche. My conscious Neptune in the human design reads:

"A genius for perverse stimulation that afflicts oneself and others by promoting degeneracy and reducing joy to indulgence and decadence. The energy which fuels the drive for perverse stimulation". 

One of the gates I still wonder about. A thing I have done in the past that matches this quite exactly is that I can write erotic fiction that is dark. Nasty stuff. (Obviously it is the kind of porn I would choose, but the porn I would watch is never nearly as bad. The reddit stories are though sometimes! It's all stuff to do with adults) But without a female partner, or indeed anybody, to talk these things over with. It has not gone anywhere. I don't want to be a pervert that makes sick stories that everyone is frightened of and thinks is weird. I would need to confirm some of these things do turn on other people. Nevertheless, the 58 links to the gate 18.

I have often wondered if this is the right thing. If I am meant to hold that perverse sexual energy or if that is not what the line refers to? If that is not self in some manner? In the blog the other day, I was talking about how the way David Wilcock talked about conspiracy and linked it all to the Law of One, was a perversion of those more spiritual drives. Perhaps this kind of thing is more what the line in Neptune is talking about? This also links specifically to Neptune. But it also is more of an insight than an active, energetic... perversion. A placement in a chart seems more than a single insight. It should be working everyday.

Looking up the 58.2 before I wrote this and predictably. In the modern spiritual trend of toxic positivity. They have changed the definition to mean something else completely. Even though Ra Uru Hu specifically said this is what it means and gave examples.  

Mars in the gate 15.4. Mars seems to be linked to the insights I get by going to the gym. It also was strongly correlated with the kind of bullying I used to get in an office job. There was a time in my life where astrology was just so precise. (This is an interesting connection. Mars being both the bullying and the cleansing of a lot of those stuff as I go to the gym!)

Gate 15 refers to someone in my life that has this gate partly. Which I would have insights about when I went to the gym doing weights. This was an unsolved issue. When I was doing the gym and Mars was between 15.1 - 3 I had insights about that person specifically. When it got to the 4th line it suddenly Universalised. I do think the gate 4, the heart chakra or G Self. Is very linked to 'Universalisation'. 

And Universalisation I realise, is a very, very, important and powerful thing. I got this from Stefan Molyneux and it is one of the first principles of his 'Universally Preferable Behaviour'.

Universality basically means that if we experience reality in one area, our brain automatically applies it to everything. So the example in child psychology is that if a child is shown a tree. They automatically know what a tree is in every part of the world. 

This, it seems to me, is a huge part of why karma is real. But explained not with any metaphysical or even reference to physical laws. Explained through purely secular and verifiable means. 

If everything we do starts to be applied universally. Then people that take on bizarre behaviours. This has to universalise to their other relationships.

A lot of different examples of this. I find it noticeable sometimes how much of a solid behaviour jealousy is. You can give more information to people about the person they are jealous of. But the jealousy remains. You can explain that if they were to have put the same time into gaining the same thing. They would not have the things in their life they do love. 

It changes nothing. There was a time when I thought it would. But it really doesn't. A person who is jealous is trapped with the jealousy it seems. Or they are unwilling to see outside of it. 

For me, the Law of One makes jealousy very difficult as it shows very strongly how we are simply so unique we cannot have what the other has. 

There are other examples though. Imagine a girl that has a lot of attention in her twenties. Who starts to deal with every single relationship as one of transactions. Of carefully managing the men in her life for maximum exploitation. If a relationship comes up this model is not suitable for. Say a family one. Isn't it likely she will still use this kind of mechanism in dealing with 'the other'?

It would go the same for male pick up artists. Those techniques they use. They start off being used on women. I see them almost daily on my X feed. Things like not tolerating the excuses that women have to not sleep with a guy on the first date. Dropping them if they are too annoying. Loads of techniques like not being too needy or sending multiple texts.

It is very unlikely to me that this same set of behaviours won't then be used on other men in their lives eventually. How many years of using these patterns on women does it take for a person to just start reflexively using them in their lives? Like, when a woman does x, you apply pressure in y way. Perhaps this would not happen when a person has their full energy to think about things. "This is a guy, he will not respond the same way". Or even "I wouldn't want him to respond in the same way, I don't need this guy desperate to be with me". But life is a big complex affair that we rarely have our full energy to apply. 

Wouldn't it make sense these things would also be applied to male friends and family? Work colleagues? A lot of the people it was never intended for? After ten years, say, of using these same techniques on women all the time?

These are two small examples of behaviours that are just a bit off. There is nothing massively wrong with these two. The guys with the hot chick will have to realise she is wasting their time. The girls of the player. Well, they know what they are getting. Or at least they were told. The players don't lie usually. 

But even these two examples of things that all happen within consentual dynamics could create REAL problems for the people involved. While the society is so dysfunctional people aren't really getting the result of their actions. But even in the society as it is. Every so often these types of people will run up against people that are more powerful than them. More intelligent. Or even, by alienating the good people, they will find themselves in the jaws of a more dangerous person. As the women that alienate the nice guys and end up with a narcissist since he's the only one that will pursue past her entitled personality. 

This same concept I'm sure, can be applied to more serious ethical breaches. Not in a way I really know of. The examples that I used earlier on when I was trying to show that not all people that behave unethically are poor little souls that need to be looked after, as the left believes. The example I used was women doing cheating and making it as cruel as possible. No one is making anyone else cheat. You can have a bad relationship maybe - I would say that a man whose wife refuses to sleep with him, thus forcing him into celibacy. There is some case that can be made there I think. But the situations they are describing are not that. They are doing unethical things, because it turns them on. The motivating force is sexual satisfaction.  

In those instances, again, I have not consciously known people that have done this. And been close enough to see how the behaviour and mindset 'universalises' into their lives. But I am pretty sure, that from this theory. This does indeed happen. 

So those are some thoughts. Like I said this was with Mars in gate 15.4 and Venus in gate 18.4. Having a few thoughts on transits. I have noticed 4th line influences do immediately turn an insight from specific to an individual to suddenly relevant more universally. 5th line days carry a kind of anger and a kind of desire to push against power. But also a kind of clear breath and insight... 5 is the line of the throat chakra. 

6th line, I don't really know. Perhaps the entire perspective? The spiritualising of it? As I write this now. Mars is in 15.6 and Venus is in 18.6.

Anyway, that's all I have for today. I have some updated thoughts on Session 5.2. and thinking it through that I didn't get to. 

The primacy of meditation.

Video for today:

Youtube: Brandon Clark: I can't take it anymore. August 12th 2026:

https://youtu.be/L3asM4iiBDo?si=Mm-kl0SFRSNjddVo

I put a comment on this persons video. But it was a comment about how I had also avoided 'victim mindset' by being appreciative of things. Which is something I am working on. Rather than looking back on my past and regretting my health conditions preventing me from socialising and getting established. I thought perhaps I should appreciate that they lead me to spend loads of time thinking through this kind of stuff. 

But, it is not of the mindset of the kinds of people that make or view that video and the comment just sat there with no likes. So I deleted it. I often delete comments recently. 

As a summary then. This guy is talking about how he coaches a lot of guys. And a lot of guys have what he calls a "victim mindset". In that they keep making excuses for why they couldn't exercise. Things like 'I was travelling and couldn't work out'. But he has given his clients body weight exercises to do when you can't go to the gym. Things like that.

I do not struggle with disciplining myself to go to the gym. The reason being, is that when you are ill and unemployed; you have to invest a lot in leisure. So actually doing things constructive becomes the novelty. I know it sounds bad. But I have been very ill in the past. I am getting better now. But that is the reality of the situation. When you have periods where you cannot do anything. Like, you CANNOT do anything constructive, because of illness. What you do in the day for leisure kind of becomes the 'main event'. Since the illness is causing stress, kind of like how a job would. So you need mental time off from that as well.

Plus, for whatever reason it is. I don't struggle with motivation to get to the gym. Perhaps it is high stress levels which only the gym seems able to meet. 

But there is one area where I do struggle to motivate myself. And one extremely important area for my life...

Meditation. 

One of the things that has stopped me a few times is exhaustion. Like, after surgery. But even that is not a great excuse. I find prayer to be exhausting sometimes. I don't have the energy for it if I have been in a particularly hard workout or something. But meditation... It isn't actually a huge energy expenditure. I just don't do it because I don't want to do it. Outside the times when I do. 

The psychological effect of meditation I have found to be so unbelievably powerful. A distinct change towards a positive frame of mind. A distinct change to less of any kind of victim mindset. A slight but significant increase in intuition. That really mounts up. Just making very decision 10% better.

In effect. The world when I meditate vs. the world when I don't meditate is a functionally different place. So if I have the option of two different world views. One is the meditation world view. One is the normal world view... Which should I choose?

Obviously the former. To this end I am trying to figure out what would increase my likelihood at regularly meditating. I think, doing it at the same time everyday would help. So that is what I plan to do.  

Eclipse post. (Nietzsche, Creative Work, Communion).

Todays eclipse:

Eclipses were always a big part of my experience of astrology. In about 2017, for a period of a few years. Every time there was an eclipse. Often, down to the day, there would be something really powerful happening in my life. A kind of turning point. An important decision. 

More recently this has not been so obvious. Although, I have had an insight that I need to be less 'specific' about it. Rather than going into the technicals, thinking of it like a "Leo eclipse", might be helpful. Think of it generally in the terms that are relevant to Leo. 

I am in the UK where this can be seen. I have been near a landmark where easily a thousand people were gathered. And that is only one of them. Not even the beach, which would have been way more busy. People really like the eclipse obviously. I wonder if astrology has something to do that? Something deep, ancestral and unconscious? Or they just... like the eclipse?

For me, I suspect this has to do with my recent investigation of philosophy. Specifically Nietzsche. 

I already feel like I am getting insights and I have hardly touched the book. Nietzsche believed that peoples instinct, even philosophers. Was not towards truth itself. That it was their life force and a 'will to power' that simply takes what it can to increase it's power. If that is truth or lack of truth.

An insight from the Law of One.  

Nietzsche makes the point (in my understanding) that we cannot technically follow a 'non truth'. Because it doesn't exist. It would be a feature of madness. 

This has a lot of interesting implications. In the early parts of the Law of One, in the introduction. There is an interesting quote that might relate to this:

We have watched your group. We have been called to your group, for you have a need for the diversity of experiences in channeling which go with a more intensive, or as you might call it, advanced approach to the system of studying the patterns of the illusions of your body, your mind, and your spirit, which you call seeking the truth. We hope to offer you a somewhat different slant upon the information which is always and ever the same. 

So what we think we are doing is 'seeking the truth'. But what we are actually doing is 'studying the patterns of illusions of your body, mind and spirit'.

It's an interesting way to deconstruct how we see things. Truth is a concept that is hard to define for me. I don't take a super objective approach. To define truth something like 'that which we can confirm with our senses'. Omits a lot of very subjective things that people believe and feel are true. 

Where this is going is that it makes me redefine myself. How I perceive myself and such. If I look at myself as not seeking the truth, which is how I saw myself. But as of finding things like the Law of One as part of my 'will to power'. It starts to deconstruct everything. It justifies not paying attention to 'transcient' information. The pull of that is that it is 'seeking truth'. It also allows me to legitimately analyse others motives along those lines. I have always seen this in other people. But until I have considered it my own motivation, I won't properly see this in others, I don't think. 

This has one further potential application. 

I have struggled recently with an annoying little "side thing" in figuring things out. Recently, I stopped Communion for a while. It was terrible. I was very much weakened in my body. Dissociated. Didn't really enjoy the gym. But I did get one thing. My feelings were powerful and raw. I was able to do something that is really important to me. I was able to write a new song. 

It really just flowed. I love the song. It had both the overriding rhyming scheme and several other rhyming schemes within the verses. Music, as far as I was aware, is something that is really important for me. Perhaps my 'reason for being'. 

The effect of Communion. 

But like I say, when I do Communion, I can't make those sorts of songs. I haven't made those sorts of songs for years now. But my body is a LOT stronger. I am motivated to go to the gym a lot. I am also not subject to demonic hallucinatory like things. Dissociation. It is not a reasonable option whether to do the Communion or not. I have decided I am doing it. But the music addition is interesting. (I do a lot more skill based stuff with the Communion. Scales etc.)

But, with this 'will to power' thing I think I can understand a bit of the psychology here. When I play music. I do not feel like I get a lot of choice in what to write. I can struggle to do that. I can write poems and such. But the real music comes when I am playing and just fits. Often saying something insightful that I didn't even realise myself. 

I think I have mythologised that. In my view internally when I play songs I am playing the truth or channeling in some manner. But, the truth might be is that when I am creating a song. I am simply creating a song, and I grab anything, subconsciously, in order to create it. 

This starts to give me an understanding of what the mechanism is. When I am not taking the Communion. I am happy to write the song with my existing feelings. And this is not, contrary to what I thought. Any kind of 'channeling'. But simply a relationship with my subconscious mind.

When I take the Communion though. My outlook is changed. Part of me is no longer satisfied with the kind of songs I am making in that space. The last one was an open admission of my anger at women. With the Communion. The focus is more on taking that kind of anger to the gym and transmuting it. 

Reflection on the red pill.

When I was close to the people doing watching the eclipse today. I looked into their cars and it was just normal people. But a whole lot of couples. I realise, that me in my insular life. Looks at things very differently than a lot of the world. Most people out there, still have what is a normal ish life. They go out with their partner. They go out with groups of friends. They do all the 'normal' things.

The world from the statistics of the red pill doesn't look like that. So many videos about 'men walking away' just isn't reflected in the real world. 

I have had a fair few times when some real world information has made me doubt some part of it. One time was talking to a woman about her past and realising, that information I got from the red pill was not represented. She had dated all sorts of nutters. She was not going exclusively for 'Chad'. It was a strong, emotional, sensation, that still sticks with me.

Another was working at a place with a bunch of young women and they were all settling down and a lot of them getting married. I did not see any of the crazy party twenties the red pill tells you to expect.

Not that I have not seen exactly what the red pill predicts. But there is something wrong somewhere here with the model.  

To link this to what I was saying then. It could be that when I take the Communion. I am no longer happy with creating music from the substance that is my life. Perhaps because it would not be correct in some manner. But there is every chance that after the spiritual tools I used have actually palpably improved my life. I will have a different set of information to draw from.

Or none of this is right and I am just trying to understand Nietzsche, and adding up stuff which doesn't quite connect!  

On healing.

I had a long blog planned on the subject of porn. Since the UK government has put in the Online Safety Act. I have not watched it. I do not want to give the government my info to watch porn and I don't want to use a VPN. I don't care enough about porn to look for it under these circumstances.

It seems to have changed my thoughts and mindset significantly. I really saw nothing wrong with it before. Like, I really didn't. Especially because I am chronically single with not a lot of chance of getting into a sexual relationship. When people discuss porn it is always framed in a certain way. It is often framed by women that men have this super objectifying sense towards women if they watch porn. 

But, being women, I don't think they have any particular clue what it does. For me, it has seemed to have done the opposite. I have become distinctly less positive towards women since stopping porn. I have gotten over a kind of feeling that women are super cute and lovely, and have become more of what feels 'objective' about them. Most of the workplaces I have been at. The messages I have sent with a few small exceptions. Women have treated me in a very unpleasant manner, and it feels like I should emotionally acknowledge that. Or that I simply have on some level. 

But, like I said, something else has come in to interfere with my natural thought process today. 

I am reading the Law of One properly this time. I have read it twice recently. But I am reading it as to make careful notes on it. It is a way of reading that I would like to use a lot. You can't do that with fiction. Or, at least, it doesn't seem logical to. But philosophy, science, psychology. To retain the information and make it go deep, those kinds of notes are very useful. When you make notes you can link the information to things you already know or believe. 

Reading it properly though. Making notes. Considering things. Deepens the understanding and depth of the material. We all have a kind of Dunning Kruger I think where when we first see things we underestimate their complexity. This is true of philosophy. People just think they have perfect moral reasoning because they exist. But when you go into philosophy, (which is one of the highest IQ majors), you start to feel your brain rewiring. You realise that life itself is more complicated than you assumed. 

As it is with the Law of One. There is so much of it that is kind of easy. That just sounds basic. Like 'One Infinite Creator'. That could have been written by a person. But the more you go into it. The more "alien" it becomes. The more you re read things and realise they are significant. Even though you might have skimmed them before. Some things, like this, are just so utterly alien that I don't know where to being with it:

To begin to master the concept of mental discipline it is necessary to examine the self. The polarity of your dimension must be internalized. Where you find patience within your mind you must consciously find the corresponding impatience and vice versa. Each thought that a being has, has in its turn an antithesis. The disciplines of the mind involve, first of all, identifying both those things of which you approve and those things of which you disapprove within yourself, and then balancing each and every positive and negative charge with its equal. The mind contains all things. Therefore, you must discover this completeness within yourself.

This is from session 5.2.

No idea where to go with this. But I have talked before about not being able to find ways of healing. This is a different healing than most of them. It is not energy healing or working with nutrition. Or any of the usual healing methods. So perhaps it offers some light in the improving of health?

The exhausting game of spiritual teachings.

Writing another post, the last one was just a few hours ago.

I have been writing a lot slower for a while. Perhaps I am making up for that. Also, the sun is out, and it unbalances my medical condition. I have already had inconveniences. That combined with collapse at the gym at roughly the same time means this week will probably be spent doing very little so that means, I will likely prioritise spirituality a great deal this week. With spirituality comes the outlet of said spirituality in the form of this blog. I have trouble at about 26 degrees. It will be 31 later this week. 

Youtube: Melissa Dougherty: Bizarre Channeled Spirits, Jesus & Truth: May 6th 2025:

https://youtu.be/StGJwBNybjo?si=zP-ycDpD9xQeMevv

To me, this is an extremely annoying and incoherent video. Perhaps that is not the fault of the woman making it. Perhaps it is. 

The first part that is annoying. Not wrong necessarily. Is her characterisation of new age teaching, including the Law of One. There is a problem I have started to perceive out there in the world. That is, that nobody is really teaching the Law of One, what I would consider... "properly". When I say properly, I do not mean like the people at llresearch where if you bring up an argument against forgiveness without contrition. Reference session 34.6, and things like the Law of Free Will. They ignore you. Just ignore you. Don't engage with the material. 

This is not a person that can teach the material then. 

I have searched far and wide for teachers in this area. Probably not that far and wide since I would prefer to just read the book. But I remember going through llresearch's links page and finding a few people. The last one I went on there was an article something like: "Charlie Kirks subtle and dangerous demonisation of minorities". 

The Law of One reddit was practically orgasmic when Charlie was shot. Not the main people perhaps. And everyone can go on a reddit sub. But I thought that was interesting all the same. There was no one defending Charlie. There were pro him getting shot and neutral. So Llresearch attracts leftists clearly. 

Aaron Abke isn't much of an exception to this in my view. Firstly, Aaron doesn't actually teach the Law of One, not at all. He teaches veganism, and the Law of One did not support that. He is quoted in this video talking about having to 'destroy the ego' and all that:

Questioner: Can you tell me how you balance the ego?

Ra: I am Ra. We cannot work with this concept as it is misapplied and understanding cannot come from it.

The problem with the Law of One is that NO ONE is getting it right. Llresearch teaches forgiveness without contrition. I have found enough Q'uo readings, and got enough refusal to discuss the issue from the people there to know that. There are many other points they would not like to be challenged on. Many things they just stop speaking if you bring up the subject. 

So yes, Melissa summarises what she thinks new age beliefs are in this area and gets it wrong. Is that her fault? or is it because no one is coherently teaching it? Aaron is teaching what he believes, not what the Law of One teaches. At least, not exactly. 

Another issue I have with her video is that there are really a lot of claims in Aaron Abke's works. Like, videos and videos of them. That she goes nowhere near addressing. I suppose you can't do that in a one hour video. But the points she replaced these with were not particularly compelling.

For instance, one thing Aaron talks about is that when Paul met Jesus on the road to Damascus. What he claims was Jesus. When Paul had his vision. He was blinded by Jesus. Does that sound like Jesus? Jesus was a healer of the sick and the blind in many cases. Does it seem like Jesus would do that?

Also, in one of the biblical books. A woman possessed by a demon followed Paul and two friends for three days espousing the greatness of Pauls message. 

I am not saying these things are correct. I have myself not been able to go all the way with Aarons teachings. As I have talked about recently. But to push back against a spiritual teacher. Does it not seem at least polite to push back on his technical points? Aaron has laid out a powerful and highly technical argument. Does it seem fair. Does it seem 'good faith'. To just ignore all those points and then write a video repeating the mainstream Christian points with only one biblical quote?

Anyway, it did suddenly make me wonder what I thought of all this? Where I put myself if any of these incredibly mind numbing points were to come up in conversation.  

For anyone here that followed me due to the Law of One and has any loyalty to its material. I think you would likely share my understanding that Carla being so incredibly Christian has leant credence to Christianity and perhaps set her up as an idol in that manner? Also, it seems to have been given a subtle nod by the contact itself. As though looking at the books beckons you on the path of Christianity. When I found it I was an atheist. 

Carla, had faith, real faith. Carla used her faith to get through the whole thing with daily arthritis. But... well I don't have that same faith. My faith, my ideas and thoughts and things, come with a lot of questions. 

For me, it is all more of a trial and error thing. I pray, it works well, stop praying, get ill. I do communion, it works well, stop communion. Get ill. Have a whole spiritual crisis and dissociation. 

When I had a serious schizophrenic break (as serious as it gets!) I felt my mind unravelling, and I felt 'Jesus' holding me together after I prayed to him. So it feels a little dishonest to not identify myself as at least 'kind of' Christian. 

This same thing works with all the things I currently use. Meditation. Dream Interpretation etc.  

But even engaging with any of these people simply sounds so completely exhausting! The bible is one book that has had many different political events surrounding it. It has been copied and screwed with many times. I just... find it very unsatisfying to even look at it that much. For me, it was convincing that Paul was the one that started off Communion and it wasn't necessarily a Jesus thing. I tried to stop Communion, and it did not go well at all! So trying to understand the bible and its meaning. While everything practically useful comes from the Law of One itself! 

It's honestly all just so exhausting.

I also wanted to end with a little joke as well. This women defines truth at the end as something that is objective. Like, the sky is blue because we can see its blue kind of thing. This is a person that believes that a mythical figure from the distant past takes away all her sin if she does something wrong. That that figure actually experiences her sin. Or did in one powerful moment about 2000 years ago. 

That is just not objective at all.  

Judging mental health, and the perversion of spiritual energy.

Second post for today.

Went for a bit of a walk and even though it is not exactly 'gym' kind of stuff (I so so so want to go back there but I got indications I should take a longer break this time). A walk does get rid of that kind of "angsty" energy. Maybe like ten minute aerobic I will do next.

There are two completely separate points I want to make here. One that I might have made before. But I want to say it again, just because it is becoming relevant in my life. The other is, I think a kind of new point where I talk about the damage that David Wilcocks kind of material does to a person. And about growing up as well. 

Firstly, I want to state what I have discerned about dealing with people that might be genuinely sick. But might be lying (as many do) when it comes to mental health disorders and ideological madness. (Like, are they fooled by the arguments or are they actually committed to negative ideals?)

This video has informed me on this. I like this girl a lot. I admire her passion on a subject I also have passion on. The correctness of right wing beliefs and the madness of left wing beliefs. And the importance of a commitment to spiritual ideals. She's also very pretty. Actually pretty facially not just a good body. This helps with spreading such a message I think:

Youtube: TaylorIsOnline0: Degeneracy and leftism#: January 27th 2026:

https://youtube.com/shorts/CV_h4Bs4WU8?si=Kgoo02lz3iCfr_TX 

This is a good example of someone that made a choice to be ill in a sense. Not like the case of someone that pretends to be ill to gain resources. But someone for whom mental health was not a legitimate thing. That the mental health issue was a cover for a disturbed conscience.

I think many issues like this are contained within these two Law of One quotes:

Questioner: I am interested in how the first distortion applies to the negatively polarized entity misplacing the mind/body/spirit complex. Why is the negatively polarized entity followed to the place of negative time/space? Why would one of us freely follow the entity?

Ra: I am Ra. The positive polarity sees love in all things. The negative polarity is clever.

This is where I sometimes place it when say, someone you know personally and is not overly intellectual commits to left wing beliefs. Left wing beliefs, which are of course, completely malevolent. But this is how I justify that they do not deserve in the deeper sense. The natural consequence of their actions. Which would be to be violated by one of the refugees they are so desperate to bring into the country. (Which has happened to other individuals because of their wilful blindness and voting choices).

This is the second quote that might apply to these situations though:

Questioner: Can you tell me what bias creates their momentum toward the chosen path of service to self?

Ra: I am Ra. We can speak only in metaphor. Some love the light. Some love the darkness. It is a matter of the unique and infinitely various Creator choosing and playing among its experiences as a child upon a picnic. Some enjoy the picnic and find the sun beautiful, the food delicious, the games refreshing, and glow with the joy of creation. Some find the night delicious, their picnic being pain, difficulty, sufferings of others, and the examination of the perversities of nature. These enjoy a different picnic.

All these experiences are available. It is free will of each entity which chooses the form of play, the form of pleasure.

When I talked about this before, the example I gave before was from the dark recesses of reddit. On a reddit sub where women talk about cheating and making it as cruel as possible to their husbands to get off on it. This is a clear example of something that isn't something they are fooled into. Sex is very much a choice. I would argue. These are behaviours taken on for hedonistic pleasure. With awareness of their consequences. 

Bear in mind this kind of behaviours 'karma' in a sense, might reach into another part of their lives. Say their husband, being unsupported, had something negative happen that the woman then complains about but had she not been like this, he would have had the energy to maintain a positive life?

There are hundreds of deliberate little choices people can make which are choices. A lot of ways their own negative choices which they will never reveal would impact them negatively. To which they would then play victim. But also times when good people fall on hard times. 

This is where I put these kinds of moral decisions. There are both people that genuinely have mental health disorders (I have a best friend I knew since I was about 4 and I have seen that he was genuinely very off when he was young, none of it came along due to problems with his conscience and he was committed to therapy from an early age). There are also many whom do not, some of which convince themselves they do. For their own personal convenience. 

When you add it all up it comes to a kind of selfishness, I think. You cannot know what is going on inside someone else if you have known them for less than about a decade. So not knowing, it is hard to judge. And we do need to judge in this life I think. But for me personally, it is also good to realise that there are things that cannot be known.

Bearing in mind, the people that are lying about this kind of thing are the ones most fanatically committed to the lie. They will never admit they are making it up for their benefit. 

Thoughts on transcient material. 

I mentioned a friend I have had since I was young. I reconnected with him recently. It added to thoughts I have already built on. Since I can see how I have changed.

This is my human design chart:

When I am showing people that are new to the chart the human design. I show them that the whole thing adds up to something very intuitively correct. People with energy higher in their centres are focused on higher energy things, the same with lower energy. My father, who was sex obsessed, a very grounded person, has the five lower centres defined. 

With my chart you can see that there is a lot in the higher energy centres. Perhaps not as much as say, a mental projector. But quite high. 

This means that my energy is keyed to thinking of and discussing the kinds of concepts I discuss here. Cerebral things. 

What this comes with, what that kind of awareness also comes with. Is a need to understand free will. Since most people are not interested in such things and it would even be a violation of the law of free will in a lot of cases to tell them. 

In the positive, let's say this is a commitment, as it is with me to music, spirituality and philosophy.

To hold this energy, like I have said, requires a certain awareness of free will. It means, that if I am thinking of a dream interpretation or a quote from Nietzsche; that I do need to keep that to myself, no matter how fantastic I think that is (I do also have "censorship", 26.4, in my unconscious Saturn!)

This is the pattern of energy then. Having energy to focus on this kind of stuff, and with the Law of One. The pressure to bring in an entire paradigm that is otherwordly. Which the everyday world argues against. In a way by it's very existence. But it is all deeply positive and loving. Praying every day, meditating, and knowing that philosophy and ethics are important. Are deeply enriching to life. 

The perversion of the energy. 

But what David Wilcock did. Is he took the bones of the Law of One. But then added in a lot of 'wordly' things to add legitimacy to it. He said he had a secret insider that told him about Roswell. A secret insider that told him that soon enough, the Alliance was going to take over and we would all live in paradise. That David Wilcock alone had the science to create anti gravity hover cars etc. 

What I think this does, is it speaks to a persons desire to overcome free will. Which I think we all constantly desire. The One Infinite Creator laid down free will, and none of us have really accepted it. We all look at the world and want to reorder it in our own image. 

It converts the spiritual energy that invests in things like the Law of One and says: "Look, you do not have to be the only one paying attention to this. The only one that believes this. There is real world evidence it is going to be relevant to the real world soon. It is only fair you warn others".

It brings up in people the conversion of that spiritual energy into a kind of real world material energy that can be used as a weapon in our fight against... reality, in a sense. The world that will not let its secret be known and stubbornly insists that the way of matter is the truth. 

Maturation.

It also prevents the naturally positive and maturing aspects of the energy when it was still positive. For me, philosophy and these kinds of things are interesting. I want to be able to look at the world and understand it through a lens that adds benefit to me psychologically, spiritually etc. This, I would say, is a fairly mature instinct. 

When you are talking about David Wilcock stuff and the more mad parts of the Law of One. It does not have that maturing effect. It is essentially stuff that is not relevant to anything and can be, and perhaps needs to be, written off as crazy. It is a separate part of a persons being. 

What I have noticed as I have met up with old friends again. Is that the conversion of that David Wilcock kind of thinking, into a more philosophical kind of thinking. Means that the positive thing, cannot be dismissed in the same way. It becomes a part of your actual being and thus, it becomes solid and real. If a person liked the you that wasn't into that, they are suddenly confronted with the you that is into that. It provides change to the real world, and people might simply not be interested in that. 

There we go. Got all angsty earlier today which was why the shorter blog post earlier. But that's what I have for today.  

Gym and human design theory.

So, successes.

A few nights ago I went to the gym. I will probably have to take a break from it. My medical condition is known for not being as quick to recover. This feels bad but it is what it is. 

I am get insights from the gym. Often. Insights it does not feel I would normally have. Insights like 'so on so is jealous', when the evidence was clearly there I just didn't want to see it. I have very often mentioned that exercise gives me these kinds of insights and my theory is that, in a man, maybe in a woman too, but I can't speak for women. But in a man, stresses create a mental building block of a kind of information that allows a person to conform in a sense. So, the stress will give me a commitment to not seeing that a bunch of people don't like me as an example. That I am in a room with a bunch of people that dislikes me. This is a danger to me, perhaps not in modern times but in our ancestral past. 

Then when I do exercise. I will suddenly realise all the little signs these people did not like me. Because all the anxiety that is wrapped up in my muscles. All the adrenaline in my blood (even if this is years later) is suddenly cleared. 

Considering my background, and it is not completely pleasant. It is a bit dysfunctional. I have a medical condition that was badly controlled for years. I have a commitment to right wing politics even though I live in a very left wing area and I have been socially ostracised from pretty much every job and social group I have ever been in. Several workplaces they have arranged huge get togethers and invited everyone, (about thirty people), but me, and exclusively me. 

Human Design Theory.

This is probably why I started blogging to be honest. This is probably why I still blog. I have identified that a part of why I became so intense with that kind of information is because I was seeking a belonging in those communities to offset the constant bullying in my real life. 

I am not saying that these emotions are not the standard thing for people to experience given these experiences. But, the perceptual filter of the human design not self being anger, fits with my understanding of my mentality here. I am angry about this. And the anger, has become "layered". I got this term from Ra Uru Hu when he was talking about Projectors and the layering of their bitterness. For me, I think I have the same kind of layering, but it is not bitterness, as I am not a Projector. It is the layering of anger. 

So my way forward is the gym! Sitting at those weight machines and pushing forward to transfer that anger. Psychologically into insight, and physically into muscle. It would make sense if that, on a sociological level men experience a lot of stress from low status. That this is a good route for many men. 

The way it works for me then is that I go to the gym. I have insights into things that I am avoiding. Insights into why a person who screwed me over does justifiably deserve to be avoided, a bad thing about them when I have only seen good things. That kind of thing. But the point is to draw all the anger out of my subconscious. This is my process. 

So the process involves me feeling... More angry. More clarity at the anger I have always known is there and maybe, just maybe, I will unblock myself enough that I can actually create music again. That I will have something to sing about! 

At the moment, it might be the heat. I have been thinking of stuff to say. I have some stuff I want to say. But this subject is all I am going to talk about in this blog. As the anger is still too powerful.