A whimsical journey.

Ah, I am in a bit of a health bind. I have to have chocolate every day. For constipation. It is very effective and even though I have various other things. Very often, when it comes down to it, I need chocolate. It just works better. It stimulates my digestive system to generally work better. 

But chocolate has a side effect. It is a substance for me that has side effects that are distinctly worse than alcohol. I don't get a great deal of issue with alcohol. Chocolate... Disturbs my sleep. So I end up after taking it a while at the kind of end of my tether. Unable to properly rest. Kind of wanting a day without it, so I can just sleep the whole day. But knowing my stomach will pack up if I do. 

Anyway, this is not what this post is about, although there is a relevance to it that will come later. 

Youtube: Literary Archeology: Perspective is EVERYTHING. Society steals it from us by hiding where we come from. REDISCOVER truth. Posted February 9th 2026:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VYHZiUrrCs

I'm not expecting you to watch this video. But I will be commenting on it so it should be here.  

Conflict in a journey.  

Another point I want to bring in that is only tangentically connected to this. Is that I have had an insight recently. Thoughts I had had that lead me to create this image with AI (A kind of personal set of tarot cards I am creating for myself with dream imagery!) 

What this was intended to convey is that sometimes when two worlds collide, sometimes the conflict can be too much and you have to pick one or the other. This was with The Law of One/ Human Design (highly spiritual and even theological texts) and my belief in Stefan Molyneux. An atheist philosopher. Heavily atheist. 

When I made this card my thought was that these are fundamentally incompatible. And the dream imagery, that was actually quite different to this, and this imagery. That of a portal from another world disturbing this highway. Was meant to show that.

But now, what this card will mean, is that these two "roads" can infact be combined. It has suddenly come clear to me. In that Stefan Molyneux puts a lot of emphasis on Evolutionary psychology, and he references the subconscious mind as part of this. But I can kind of use both systems. The subconscious mind is indeed very powerful, so, it works within a persons life to teach them lessons, and to better themselves. Like what we might think of under a new age paradigm. 

I have a ruthless part of my mind that tears apart anything that isn't hammered down, and I do sit uneasily with a lot of my spiritual/ theological beliefs.  

The point. 

But there is a reason I brought the relevant youtube video up. 

So the story, if you did not want to sit through the half hour video or so, was a very whimsical story including flowers, magical talking flowers, and two young girls. If I have that right.

As I have gotten into meditation again and am regularly praying, also reading the Law of One, and with better health than I have been in the past. As does arrive with meditation. There is a kind of magic. An intuitive way of connecting things that is not normally present when I am not meditating regularly. 

I tend to think though, that a lot of the theological ideas are metaphors for something very relevant. This is fairly obvious. But when we subconsciously perceive a great deal of positivity. We feel that to be intuitively very positive and obviously, when we perceive dishonesty or threat to an overwhelming extent, we perceive and feel malevolence. Kind of obvious. 

What I think this story is showing though, what it means for me. Is that there is a way of getting things "right" that involves a kind of "magic". As an example. I have a few different talents and abilities. I do not have others. But I have a certain tendency towards open mindedness and thinking through various spiritual information. Like the Human Design Chart. 

It seems logical on a purely mental level, to do healing, Since I have medical issues and energy healing is something I believe is possible. But while it is a nice idea, it is an idea that hits a lot of notes mentally. In real life, it is a nice self centered idea, but I don't have the "emotional empathy" to help others in that way, I know that (as I know healers). It would allow me to push against the normal political zeitgeist. As does writing fiction. That would allow me to get a lot of ideas in about opposing evil doers. 

But none of these things are magical. They are all kind of... calculated. What really works for me. Aside from the spirituality already mentioned, is music. Music, is just magical. It solves issues for me. It fits my peculiar psychology to have a lot of detail involves, scales etc. in articulating and expressing emotion. There is no "technical" benefit to music. No intellectually explainable benefit. But music, is my path. I know it. And it provides powerful benefits that I cannot get from other sources. Powerful insights where things that I cannot normally get seems simple and obvious. It provides a lot of joy to others as well, whenever I play.

Magic. 

The idea of positive magic, I recall a psychologist who used to talk about this, who was thrown into disrepute as soon as he died, and whose conclusions were incredibly politically inconvenient. About how genius's mainly work by intuition and are lightyears ahead of everyone else in ways that can't be proven. Was the name Michael Eysenck or something? 

The woman making these videos. Is saying a lot of powerful positive things. Perhaps her own output is this unexplainable "magic". I see it a lot with what seems to be what someone is actually meant to do with their lives. Should be doing in general. It is an absolutely indispensible part of life in my understanding.

The relevant story had a lot of moments where the main girl could have not bothered with the magic. Where she could have stayed in her room and not gone to investigate what the flowers were doing. It had a lot of little elements typical of this magic. It had a lot of elements of following the irrational. 

Perhaps this is a magic that is specifically female. Or perhaps the story has other meaning and interpretations. Like most stories. There was more subtext to this story than the simple following of a whimsical journey. 

But that's at least, what it could mean, to me.  

The incel-ly post.

I am definitely in an "incel-ly" sort of phase. 

My health has been so bad for so long that I have not had to worry about sexual matters too much. I have always been able to easily withdraw. That, or I have been chasing girls and badly failing but also showing deep schizophrenic types of symptoms. Now though, a lot of that is solved; and my natural healthy drive has started to bug me.

On a philosophical level it annoys me. The Law of One is a set of theories I think about and respond to. But women, in our current society. Have what I would consider an almost aristocratic privilege and attitude to go along with that. Perhaps not past a certain age when the attention runs down. 

I do look good. I still get attention and looks. Even though I am not in my twenties anymore, am gaining a bit of weight, and am generally a bit pissed with life. But women are unpredictable. It could be that just approaching them I have better than expected success. That I am the literal degenerate that so many red pill content creators lambast, that women have a disproportionate affection for. When I speak to women, I am in control in a strange way. 

But I am kind of trapped. I have got my daily patterns as good as I can make them. Prayer, meditation, and when I can do it, music. Also the gym. Human design, and this blog. So I figure I should push every other technique if I am not yet getting the results I want.

There is no obvious route to improve my relation to women. Or to explore it. At the gym the other day, a blonde young hot thing was close to me and seemed to make eye contact as I left. At night, when I go, it is not a good idea I don't think, to talk to women. But it happened, as it did, and excuses can be used at any time. 

So one of the techniques I've considered exploring is writing stories about it working out. But when I write stories. The story works out like it wants to. I don't feel I can change it. I also don't feel like I can write stories because I have a low level of emotional empathy. I think. I am not sure. 

A few months ago I saw a girl that stayed with me long term. Blonde, young, beautiful, massive breasts. Very similar to another girl I knew that I was able to charm. I saw her near a church, and I tried to write a story about me talking to her and it working out. The point is, to imagine things working out and to train myself to relate to women better when I see them on the fly:

              Oh, another one Daisy thought to herself. Another guy that wanted to look tough but wouldn’t even approach her. He didn’t look much, this guy, but he was a little good looking. Looking like he’d put on a bit of weight, was probably married.

              She didn’t make eye contact and walked on. Fully aware of the intense beauty of her form. But after she thought he had gone, she saw a shadow up on the right of her.

              “Hey”, the guy said, obviously a bit nervous. “Can I talk to you for about fifteen minutes?”

              Shocked at this request, she looked at him. Feeling a little angry. But a spontaneous smile from this guy, stopped her short.

              “Er… No” she said.

              And then he fucked off. 

 I can't even make it work out in my own fantasies! 

The human design holds that I am a manifestor so I should just do what I want and hope for the best. Approach and worry about the rest later. The point of the stories was to improve the desireability of the whole thing. But perhaps it comes down to the human design. Or perhaps it does not. 

Reflections on Manifestor (Human Design) and Meditation.

Finally, I have found a Manifestor:

Simon Baker. 

Main character in 'The Mentalist'. I find that characters, actors, act precisely in line with the charts. Because if someone is to do acting. What else is there? For a generator, their sacral will be responding. Yes, No, and will form the character. It works with any type I am sure. 

 

This is another Manifestor. A guy called Neil Jackson. Yet another two manifestors are Jennifer Lawrence (the time of birth is given for Lawrence!), and Chadwick Boseman. Although I have never seen a Chadwick Boseman film. Manifestors are extremely rare though, and I sometimes wonder if they don't fit in with Hollywood culture. I remember going through the entire cast of Star Trek Deep Space Nine and I did not even find one Manifestor. 

The reason I mention this. Is because Simon Baker, Neil Jackson and Jennifer Lawrence, all have some similar themes in their characters. All emphasized very strongly. Like, it is the whole story. It is this story where a guy has to kind of seethe and plot to oppose a tyrant of some sort. An evildoer. 

Simon Baker, in the Mentalist, he spends almost the entire show hunting the serial killer that killed his wife and daughter. Red John. Neil Jackson. In Dream Team, which is a football soap. He is taken advantage of and strategically works against the forces trying to destroy the football club. Then in the Blade series. It is a similar story with a head vampire. 

In the Hunger Games. Jennifer Lawrence has a similar thing. Although, there are other themes, some movies where this specific theme is not shown. I wonder if it reflects something about the Manifestor energy?

Not sure how that fits in with the theory. But it is not the same kind of story with the other types. They do tend to be more worker types of people doing their normal life then coming across a whole lot of chaos. Like, the surrounding cops in the Mentalist, or a Bruce Willis film. (Pure Generator!) There is a lot of joy in the Generator characters in general. 

I don't know precisely what this means. Like, why the manifestors precise circuitry would create this effect. 

The Projector, as a non sacral, without the sacral. They relate a little more to the individual. Christopher Judge (Teal/c in Stargate SG-1). Heath Ledger. Rene Aubergenois (The captain of Deep Space Nine). Patrick Stewart, Marina Sirtis (Counsellor character in The Next Generation). These characters all have a deeply psychological element to them. The outer enemy is secondary to their inner journey (even with Teal'c episodes like the right of Mal Sharan!). 

Not so with the Manifestors though. The outer enemy really is the point of the Manifestor journey as portrayed in fiction. Or so it would seem. 

The manifestors generally carry themselves with a certain poise, and are quite a commanding presence. Even though Simon Bakers character in the Mentalist is not any sort of leader. He does effectively lead in a sense. They all have a kind of inscrutable intelligence and strategy. 

Thoughts on yesterdays post/ Meditation. 

Yesterday, I talked about how the meditation I was doing was kind of unbalancing me. As in, I was getting anxious. I have thought about why this is and a correction of it. 

It reminds me of the quote in the Law of One material: "It is unwise to run before you can walk". Or similar words of the same meaning.

When I was doing meditation. The meditations that were bringing me so deep I was not moving at all. I would feel my body stop from non movement. I would get powerful insights. This meditation was done with the aid of a certain ritual. I put book 2 of the Law of One next to me. I put a pyramid on my lap. 

I have been doing this for a while and it is powerful. BUT, there is an issue with this. It does seem to make me very cerebral and it does seem to make me completely forget about sexual and animalistic matters in general.

This is not healthy. So I have gone back to normal meditation. It does not sound like much and it definitely isn't much to people that are not acquainted with this sort of thing. But for me it is the difference between complete stillness and normal movement. When I am not deepening the meditation in that way my hands are moving normally. 

My meditation today was almost half me dealing with my own "lower" impulses. In general. I think this will be a far better effect than what I was doing before.  

Spiritual work and balancing.

Meditation is HEAVY! So heavy I feel that it has rewired my brain a little. To the extent I just keep coming up with thoughts to write on this blog, and they get dissolved by meditation. Also, what is personal and what I am OK to fit into a larger framework and write about seems to have changed slightly. 

I have come to an insight today. About laziness, relaxation or slovenliness. What people need. Also linking back to the Law of One quote about Balancing your work with your real life. "Your work must be equal to your life". 

So a framework then to separate what is kind of, as a loose label... "Spiritual work". Which is also just regular work. From outside work life. We will call this "leisure". But it might not actually be leisure depending on the person. 

As I have said previously, I have thought over this quote before. But it seems to have slightly clicked. 

Our spiritual work as I see it can be read out of our human design:

My idea on our spiritual work is as follows. Our incarnation cross is the thing that we are here to learn. The element of the thing we are. This really sets the course for the rest of the chart. Like others have said. it is extremely important. 

For Ra Uru Hu. This is wisdom. It is expressed through a behaviour. For me it is prayer. So my incarnation cross. Which is also wisdom. Is shown by prayer. For another element of person. This could be love or Power. 

Next, another element of the three, (wisdom, power or love). Is our conscious North Node. For me this is shown by meditation. This is my version of "love". The gate it's in though is also correlated with "philosophy" I suspect. Although, it may be that the philosophy is the whole chart. 

Last, the third of the three elements (So for me, we have done wisdom and love, the third is power). Is power. This for me is music. 

In a basic way, the conscious North Node is slightly more important than the subconscious. If we are ill, the subconscious will tend to not be functioning so well. But life is set so we always have meaning. The conscious side of the design functions no matter how ill we are. But also, confusingly. Our "life path" so to speak. The thing we are here to do in the real world. The thing that palpably changes things like status. Is in the unconscious North Node. 

The conscious is more important because it keeps everything in alignment. Whereas the subconscious is kind of impotent if anything goes wrong. The incarnation cross is the most important of all. 

What I have found out though. Where this relates to work and leisure. The incarnation cross, the nodes. Are our spiritual work. But the rest of our chart also needs exercise. It also needs to exist. 

I had the perfect day today in relation to these. Meditation has been unbelievably profound for me. I am doing prayer every day which is what has allowed me to do meditation and has fended off a lot of 'bad luck' things that seemed to undermine my health. But my perfect day today was to get all these things in balance. The prayer, the meditation, and an intense music session. 

But a person needs live beyond that. Relationships, friendships etc. I would say that if you don't have a certain amount of 'leisure'. You have nothing to sing about! My songs have always come from emotional real life situations. 

Without that, it seems to me, that "leisure" becomes kind of compelled. After meditation and music. I was not able to relax. All the entertainment I might normally enjoy. Youtube videos, books, poems, (even the Law of One) are just too much intellectual work. There was no possibility of calming down and certain experiences yesterday have put me in an anxious place.

So, seeing no other option. I went and changed my pennies and got two beers and a bar of chocolate. 

A small point. In my view, the meditation, music and prayer does not mean I should not be doing anything else. If I were to enter the workforce. I do not know what parts of my chart would be used but it could be part of the "spiritual work" so to speak. I just wanted to clarify because we never know what these crazy people want out here.  

It's all a bit confused and complicated because it relies on this unhealthy society. But that's what I am sticking with. We have our spiritual work. Then by a natural balance we are meant to have experience and leisure. if this is not possible we have to find a way to balance that.  

Gods plan and the red pill.

I feel strongly guided, I feel that it is one of the most useful things I can do in my life. To read the Law of One. There may be a time in the future where I have less free time. If our society improved and I was more physically healthy and able to get a job. When looking back on this time, how would I have liked to have spent it? Reading the Law of One is one of the best uses of said time I can think of. 

This blog is partly formed emotionally by this. Many times I am drafting a blog in my mind. Sometimes these can be written I imagine, or sometimes, the energy will just abandon me as I sit down to write. But when reading the Law of One. Some shift, some insight, will change my fundamental way of looking at things. If an idea feels like it has been formed by anger. The information will remain but the anger will disappate

Reading through session 72. I have not even finished it yet. But the insights into healing and energy in general are profound. 

What I am thinking of though. Is... women. As I have gotten into meditating, red pill types of content has become more satisfying. 

When I saw the AWFUL's and the Minnesota situation. Middle class liberal women literally becoming violent. Also sometimes when I go on spirituality focused reddits and such. I am surprised at the fanatical obedience to the leftist cause that a lot of women have. 

There are many things to consider here. Many ways that I wonder if there is some deeper message afloat. Some deeper spiritual meaning. 

One thing that I did not know when I was younger. One thing that was not at all made clear to me and has become something to think over. Is that women, young women, have a fantastic amount of attention going to them at all times. A young girls DM or text messaging folder will be filled with a lot of guys. All starting with just basic introductory messages. "How are you?" and such. 

I remember being at a bus stop and overhearing a young girl. Between 16 - 20. She said she had gone to a bar with her friends and they had an acquaintance there and somehow, the conversation had come about that her and her friends could go there whenever they want for free food and drinks. 

If I was not mistaken I thought this girl wanted my attention as well. As though she did not have enough already. 

As much as women scream when any "red pill" information is brought up. That it is all just hate against women. This kind of thing, the fact that women have all this attention, is very important for me to know. Blue pill sources are not going to highlight this. When I was young, it often confused me how unaffected women were if my attention was present or removed. How quickly they are able to move on. But it makes sense if they have a million other options. 

Female psychology is different to make psychology, partly due to environment, but also, in relation to hormones. Men have 16 times as much testosterone as women. Meaning men have the desire to push forward, to succeed, and to gain in status. 

This is a fundamental difference I think, in outlook. Men both have the power and desire to gain status. But they also start with very little status. Young men, outside some very dark things with pdf files and things, are not able to go to bars with their friends and have the hot girls in the kitchen tell them that they can come any time for free food. They do not have a million friends in their inbox. 

Mens status is connected to their work and money a lot more than womens is. 

This is why men are always challenged to "be better", where womens self help books have more enphasis on 'love yourself', and 'you are a being of infinite worth'. This is also why female writers and directors tend to create female characters that are Mary Sue's. Because from a female perspective, people just are of a certain quality. There is no climbing the ranks. Because in our distant past, almost all women reproduced. One man would reproduce out of every seventeen women.  

One finding in social sciences is that in every single society, men are more interested in politics than women. Women are simply not that naturally interested in politics I don't think. But they are interested in knowing all the relevant information that allows them to fit in. One of the few ways womens power of reproduction can be opposed is ostracism from other women. 

So while men want to know all the relevant things in the society. To potentially gain status from that among other things. I think women in general have two relevant behaviours here: A) They don't absorb politics to know the truth, but to conform. B) Because things generally come to them, rather than them needing to reach for things, they are not inclined to more deeply research a lot of things. 

This is all fairly basic. This is a big explanation as to how things are like they are. That women are used to kind of being served and the propagandists come to them. Obviously though there is a kind of spiritual component. Being constantly served, like the girl at the bus stop, brings a level of narcissism. In a way, the experience of these women, who have probably never been told they are wrong in their lives, committing to a leftist cause and being proven wrong, might be good for their spiritual growth. 

There is another element of this too though. 

The more left wing a society becomes. The more it is about high tax. The more social mobility decreases. With the way the globalists have fixed society. Social mobility has all but stopped. 

In a society that is 'socialist'. Where social mobility isn't really a thing. A girl can be fairly unpleasant to a guy, and there won't likely be any pushback. Because she can accurately assess his current status, and this will not change. 

But in a more capitalist/ free society, as Trump is transitioning to. He is going literally zero tax, meritocratic hiring etc. A guy that is relatively low status feels a hunger and attempts to redress this - and through hard work and such, he actually can; and the society benefits from this. So the guy that was once low status, might become higher status. Men in general have more power. It is a far more difficult world to navigate. It also includes more consequences for women for behaving in an unloving way. 

I saw a video the other day of a women on tik tok talking about her experiences with women. She said that she cannot tell even the mildest joke to them. She tried to make a joke about 9/11 and other women responded with horror. But, as she said: "Then if you make a joke about guys suddenly they're all comedians, right?"

This is the attitude of someone with an almost aristocratic level of privilege.  

Where this all leads me is to casually wondering if this might all tell us something about "Gods plans". Pre 2020, most guys were working hard and not really questioning a lot of this. However, we now have an issue that men are not approaching women, and men are not going to singles events and such like that. This is due to the red pill. Not the theory. People aren't rooting through Rollo Tomassi's books on dating app statistics and social theory. This is due to things like street interviews with women saying they are dating four men at a time. 

I wonder then, if the reason that things worked like this "behind the scenes". Is that men serve women. To push against that is hard work as it is very instinctual. A man gets himself together as best he can, then what? What to do with all that energy, fertility, money etc? But we have got to the point, informed by a broken economy and such, where that energy has stopped largely. It means that men are not paying lipservice to left wing stuff. They are paying womens bills less. So with that degree of separation, it becomes more possible to see what is actually going on in a lot of these women.  

The perfection of Gods plan (illness).

One of the things that has often bugged me, as part of my thinking over a lot of the kind of things that this blog discusses. Is that if everything is perfect, as the Law of One kind of states. How does illness interact with that? Illness just doesn't seem perfect really does it?

I have wondered before, if the Law of One was kind of lying about illnesses in general. In their respect of free will, they did not want to reveal that illness is basically a government program. Made up of Vax's and weird things that they put in our food. 

Jury is still out on that. But as I meditate properly again. As I really commit to prayer and such. I do feel as though I am starting to have more insights along this kind of area:

Youtube: Dr Melissa Sell: Your symptoms are not mysterious. (January 22nd 2026)

https://youtu.be/nrAOUGchJ2Q?si=ry-_EkecNYO5K4to 

If we look at symptoms this way, they are kind of perfect. I cannot easily recall the examples given in German New Medicine. But it is things like if we feel threatened in our territory, then our bladder expands so we can mark it. The theory expands out to a lot of areas. That diabetes, as an example, is where we experience early shock, and our body send an emergency signal back to our bodies. Exhausting the pancreas with the sudden need for huge amounts of sugar. 

This kind of correlates with how the new age sees these healings in some ways. Louise Hay, and the Law of One itself. But there is an additional feature with German New Medicine that it all relates strongly to Evolutionary Psychology matters. 

It all makes a lot more sense and is a lot more satisfying than looking up things on energy healing. There is something solid to grip in all this. 

So in this manner. Illness, though painful. Would be kind of perfect in a way. It would be the natural functioning of the body. In the diabetes example, it is the body's response to trauma. 

I expected this post to go differently. But I suppose that the way it has gone has gotten around my free will concerns. Directly saying what my thoughts are on my own condition might be relevant to those. 

But suffice to say, that I have been having very deep insights from my meditations. I have a health issue. I have many in fact. I have one big central one and a few other smaller ones. (Digestive problem, skin rashes etc.) 

My meditation today. I got it right again. As I said I hope I will get it right frequently. Deep within the meditation. At 12 minutes. I got an insight. At 24, I got the real insight. Hopefully, it will lead to an improved health outcome for one of my minor problems. It all fit. What was going on in my life when the health problem started etc. 

There is another aspect of this though. Something else that is relevant. 

A lot of these issues, a lot of these health problems come down to generally unpleasant people in our lives. I suspect strongly, that the "love is the only purpose" kinds of people in a lot of spiritual communities. The kind that promote forgiveness without contrition. Their general philosophies and way of being are directly against these kinds of insights and resultant healing. 

Of course they would not directly own up to it. Like how I described negative philosophies as generally shifting (In my post on the 31st, "Reflections on Negative Philosophies"). A lot of these negative philosophies. Because they are defined in opposition to a positive philosophy. They don't really have a central point and thus, simply change their form to oppose said positive philosophy when challenged. 

The example I gave, with determinism. Is that sometimes people describe about determinism that it is due to all our actions being determined by your genetics and need for survival. When challenged, that there are many people that oppose the need for survival. It will then shift to being a theological argument. 

People that promote "forgiveness without contrition" kind of arguments. the argument will shift in a similar way. The motivating force is cowardliness and the enabling of evil doers. So when you speak to them. They might say "Oh, you don't need to see the person and absorb abuse, forgiveness doesn't mean seeing someone". But in the real world, when someone is in communication with a bunch of Christians that believe this, they will in fact push them to see their abusive family members. 

So, the spiritual ideas on 'love', and what is in practice "infinite cowardliness". Are a direct opposition to actual healing. 

When the curtain comes down.

I went on twitter today, and have decided to not log onto twitter for a while. There were so many posts about recent Epstein file and related information, that I thought I'd take a break. 

I need to go through a bit of personal history to explain how I see this recently. But it is under the paradigm (another word doesn't fit!) of attempting to follow the teachings of the Law of One. So because I think the Law of One is important, I am going to explain it best I can, even if it goes through boring territory. 

When I was somewhere between 15 and 25. I first studied the Law of One. I did not apply much of it. I thought through a lot of things like trying to solve a puzzle and I suppose it did lead me to a whole lot more "service to others" things than I would otherwise have done. But I did not apply all of it. A lot of it I just kind of memorised and didn't really used. This is not an uncommon occurence, I don't think. With how people experience various insights and teachings. 

One of the teachings I did not apply was the Law of One's perspective on 'transcient' information. I do not have an understanding of this teaching directly from the text. But, I have been slowly working through its relevance. Like, when I was still paying close attention to conspiracy information. When I would stop, I would have insights into my psychology and stuff. My normal process. 

After my "schizophrenic break" at 27. I was not able to meditate and was disinclined from spirituality in a way I had not been before. In fact, I deliberately did bad stuff to suppress the madness within. Conspiracy was that. 

During my kind of worship of David Wilcock, as I see it now. And my obsession with conspiracy theory. I also had a lot of anger towards leftists around me. I was an annoying schizophrenic truther. I did keep myself to myself a great deal. I still believed in the Free Will. But, I felt passionately about these things and wanted others to come around to my views. So I would discuss right wing politics and do things like read the Qur'an and talk to people about that. The Islam angle is a bigger part of conspiracy information in the UK. 

It was at this point, where what is going on in the world at the moment would have been amazing to me. It would have been what I really wanted. I did not only want the truth to be revealed. But the people surrounding me to be forced to acknowledge it. So that I would not be the mad person that believes in QAnon, but would actually be right about these things and also, so that what would logically follow. Mass arrests and a golden age of humanity, would also follow. 

On top of basic information I also had absorbed a great deal of Pizzagate type of stuff. The full horror aspect that I won't go into here. I thought that this horror being exposed to generally left wing centrist people that refused any of this was a kind of karma. 

This is the main emotional point I wanted to bring up here. Since there are probably people freshly awakening that are experiencing this. And are pushing forward the Epstein information due to this. I was never able to get any official information to back up my perspective. It was a different time. 

However, my life and my perspective changed. Bear in mind that I have been pretty much "awake" since I was 14. In investigating my medical condition, I realised they were not seriously trying to cure it. 

Come COVID lockdown, and the energy of conspiracy was winding down. Friends and family wrote me angry letters and said they were not seeing me again due to right wing viewpoints. Or just ghosted me. But I discovered dream interpretation. Which was always the solution against the schizophrenic stuff. I was able to meditate again and started praying and such. My "Christian path" so to speak. Was maturing. 

But as I have gone through all this. Years of looking at the conspiracy stuff in detail. Several elements are relevant. I have looked closely at it and having been interested in it, got to the point where it is less interesting. Things are more interesting when you first look at them. I have thought through the whole thing from a spiritual or philosophical perspective. Emotionally, it is hard to not try and incorporate a lot of very dark information into my world view. As an example, times when prayer has not worked for people. 

Most recently though. Now that I am properly reading the Law of One, and properly meditating. My meditations are an experience all of their own. It allows me to truly not be interested in that conspiracy stuff. I have experienced it. I have looked at it in the past. I experience it as disturbing the positive state I am in when I meditate and such. 

There is a deceptive belief I have observed. That somehow, by not looking at stuff, you are not honouring the victims or something like that. That they had to experience all that, and you are not even going to read about it. 

But, that is not relevant. I always wanted to be able to genuinely, emotionally experience a lack of interest in transcient types of information. Now we are here, now it seems like things are starting to actually move. This is exactly what I am experiencing. 

It would be an interesting twist of fate if everyone else starts getting interested in this now; and all I wanted to do was meditate and play music.