TV is getting too bad.

A bit of a different topic for this post. 

I have realised that to talk on this point, I have to be so careful about spoilers that I might as well just not mention the shows specifically. Just talk about what is generally true of modern shows. And generally true of older shows. 

Here is a video that is backed up by all the comments and many other videos on youtube about the same subject:

Youtube: Lack of Entertainment: How The Boys Became Insufferable:

https://youtu.be/KAHFQepXYqI?si=KZfIOyvIIKTwhgNs

There is actually a lot that needs to go into this. A lot of thoughts. But I will not be too long on all of it. 

I am finding an incredibly reliable pattern with a lot of these shows. They hundred percent know what people want to watch. So they make a good start of a show and get people hooked. And then add in the liberal agenda at the end of the show. When they have nothing to lose. They screw over all the characters people like. They humiliate characters in a way that doesn't make sense (such as Joker 2). In 'The Boys', they gave redemption arcs to the black characters. Only the black characters. Which didn't make a lot of sense from the set up. 

Redemption arcs or "villain arcs". One where a previous good character becomes a villain. Are very often done wrong from my understanding. In a sci fi show I once watched, a character who had unbelievable love for his daughter goes on to become space Hitler. It just didn't fit that he would be able to love like that then decided to try and kill the entire world for a personal grudge - to kill other young women like his daughter. The Redemption arc in 'The Boys' didn't make sense either. In the other direction. Characters who were set up with no moral fibre. No seeds of goodness at all. Later turned out to be really good people because of... 'blackness' I suppose. The melanated skin inevitably produces moral fibre apparently. It produces 4th dimension vitamin D and grows the conscience.

One show that has not done this, I suppose, was Picard. One of the older shows that I liked was Grimm. It became a bit silly but was a good show. But a LOT of shows have, either this problem. Or another problem. 

I went back to older shows and I have also found these not compelling. I will perhaps give other shows another go. Or even the ones I didn't like. But there is a definitive lack of understanding of human psychology in some of those older shows. The characters act kind of sociopathic for no reason at times. I have felt an even bigger repulsion to this at times. It is quite maddening. Preach to me about the beauty of black skin liberals. I cannot take anymore of these closet sociopath characters in older shows. 

I wonder, a deeper question then. What is the function of all this TV? Am I wasting my life? Well, that's debateable. I do have a lot of free time and I do do other things in the day but watch TV. Including reading the Law of One and other books. I would have got a playstation one by now if I had more disposable income. I binge watched seasons 4 and 5 of The Boys in a couple of days when I was quite ill. Not able to do anything else. It was in a period of non prayer and hopefully, now I am praying again, that won't happen frequently. 

I think, pretty much everyone is lounging around not doing much at the moment. With the economy so completely dysfunctional. No one has any money for leisure or to pursue meaning. No one is having kids or dating, apparently. 

But even so, I can't help thinking that there must be some other option to watching all this TV.  Some other thing I could be doing. I get quite tired reading. I don't like to watch too much youtube because it is intellectually taxing and we all need some chill time. I was watching powerful concepts a few hours ago and stopped after ten minutes because I was not following it. The concepts were too profound.

All are interesting things to consider. 

The process of 'understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness'.

 

There was a time when, in a very paranoid manner. I would message someone if I used their tweets in something like this. Just to inform them. But I don't think that's necessary. Also, I suspect, in almost all my communication with any woman, at any time. That if I message them, they think I want to sleep with them, and that's my only motivation. Like, I can't have an internal world with motivations outside of that one. 

If I was saying something negative about them I might hide the names. But since I am only going to talk positively about the validity of the wisdom here, I am not going to do that.  

These are two valuable tweets though to me. One of the things I do think is interesting is that women put a lot of their internal world out there on display. Whereas. Guys tend to write long, very well thought through statements about how things are. Fully analysed. Even if it includes their own experience, it will have context. Women, with all the positive feedback they get from the world. Will often just say "this is my experience". And leave it at that. 

Once women add analysis it often becomes things like "a real man... toils and slaves for a woman for no benefit without protest" or other, self serving statements.  

There is a statement in the Law of One that I think over frequently.

Questioner: If an entity develops what is called a karma in an incarnation, is there then programming that sometimes occurs so that he will experience catalyst that will enable him to get to a point of forgiveness thereby alleviating the karma?

Ra: I am Ra. This is, in general, correct. However, both self and any involved other-self may, at any time through the process of understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness, ameliorate these patterns. This is true at any point in an incarnative pattern. Thus one who has set in motion an action may forgive itself and never again make that error. This also brakes or stops what you call karma.

Insight.

I was thinking of this the other day, I have thought of this frequently because it does actually describe in some sense what we are supposed to be doing here I suppose. But I was thinking about this recently, and it seems obvious to me that this is the same way catalyst is processed through a person. Understanding (the mind) Acceptance (the body) and Forgiveness (the spirit).

I wrote previously on what some of this might mean here. In it I talked about how understanding, might actually be a complex process that sometimes takes years and the examples I gave are things like when understanding of a situation reframes the whole thing. For instance, understanding you had childhood trauma that trains you to interact in a certain way. Or some other issue that was energising the problem that you previously saw as the sole moral deficiency being on the other person. 

Acceptance though? I have talked before somewhere about how I think the male mind/ body/ spirit complex specifically works. Not that I know if women do or do not work the same way, but I suspect they work slightly differently so will not talk on female psychology here. 

One of the things that I have noticed in going to the gym is how it improves my thoughts. And it improves them very much in the direction that it can remove a lot of anxiety from previous thoughts and allow me to see clearly. An example is at a previous workplace, after a gym session, I suddenly had the insight that a female manager had deliberately been placed next to me to pick at me. That when she asked if I wanted help with something and that I should "send her the call". It was in the view of catching me out. Which she did, eventually, do. 

I was not able to confront this at the time because, I think, as I have observed before, my subconscious had calculated I could not oppose an entire workplace of people that didn't like me. So I was not able to confront within myself that this was the situation. But with the gym. With the testosterone increase. And the cleaning of a lot of these stresses out of my muscles. I was suddenly able to see that. 

There is another element of animalism that this highlights as well. I think if we are in a position of too low status, we are not able to process the world as it is because we make these sorts of concessions. I suspect, but have not confirmed, that for women. Social networking plays a larger role at this point. I have known women that have gone to the gym a lot, and while it helps them. It doesn't seem to create the sense of relief that is close to a religious revelation in its intensity that guys experience. Women it seems like to talk things over with their friends, and I think that kind of strategising is part of "body" strength potentially. 

The tweets.

This comes back to the tweets at the beginning for two reasons.

The first one, where Pelton Elroy talks about "forgiveness". Is this forgiveness? I don't think it is. The insight she is describing is not a forgiveness issue. It is an understanding issue, that others are different from us. 

The second one, about the lymphatic drainage massage. Talks, I think, with some validity about the process of acceptance. To really feel the emotions like that might happen long after "understanding" has happened. As I said, my theory is that acceptance is about the body. 

More to say.

I have other thoughts and questions about this. I wonder if the process talks about something a bit different. For instance, with "understanding". In general, if you start understanding things, you understand a lot of interconnected things. Like 'Oh, this is how women psychologically function'. Or 'Oh, my health impacted the situation like this'. It tends to apply to a wide variety of areas. 

So a "process" of understanding, acceptance and forgiveness would not necessarily be relevant to a single individual. So is a larger process being described here? A process whereby the way the entire world is looked at is very different?

I don't have answers on that yet. But it is yet another question on this which adds a little bit more context to the discussion.  

Self Deception. Prayer.

Things are good.

The positive change I noted in the last blog post. The decision to drink water frequently instead of Pepsi Max. Is having an extremely positive effect on my health. I drink fizzy water, with ice, and lemon drops. Means I can guzzle it. Liters a day. £2.65 for six two liter bottles of fizzy water. £3.50 for two bottles of Pepsi Max. 

I don't think this will be the last time I get confused about something on the spiritual path. The last time I think stopping something good, or doing something bad, is the answer. I seem to gain quickly by making errors. 

But it's an interesting thing to think over, the three articles I wrote, one with human design transits to back up my thoughts. The citadel I was creating in my mind. Taking information from my daily life about all the reasons prayer is NOT good. 

Self Deception. 

I remember hearing Stefan Molyneux one time say that he has a great ability to manipulate language. That the real danger of that is that he was able to convince himself of all sorts of bizarre stuff. I think there might be a bit of that going on with me. I am thinking of the case I was putting together in my mind to talk against prayer when I decided to do blogs again. 

So what follows is my general thoughts on the subject. But bear in mind, these are very subjective thoughts. Since they are on this kind of mystical/ metaphysical subject matter. They are "schizophrenic adjacent". They are general points. The argument I had against prayer even included Law of One quotes which I will summarise here.

The first point is that when I went back to prayer. Something completely wordless seemed to suddenly improve within me. I could suddenly see a lot of the thoughts I was working with were deluded. But I could not explain why. It was just a knowing. 

There is a general, extreme, feel good sensation from praying in general.

Benefits of prayer.  

During meditation. When I was praying frequently. I had the sense my consciousness was rising higher in my body and thinking less about sex. Sexual matters in general. Without the prayer, that was not there anymore. (I still meditated in the period I stopped prayer).

One of the theories I had about why it is good to stop prayer. Is that prayer seems to me to afford some kind of protection. Like, it seems to block general unpleasant sensations and some thoughts that may come from others. There is a line in the Law of One. Session 99.8, that talks about how on the positive path. There is a mental protection while on the negative path. There is a kind of sharpness of mind that the person uses for this. 

Following on from this. I theorise firstly. Within a Law of One paradigm I believe. That we are basically psychic, and if people are spending time thinking of us. Or even subconsciously doing so. We will feel the weight of them in our minds. This has some crossover with our internal objects if you were using an atheist paradigm. What we think others feel about us. But in this blog, the paradigm I am using is the psychic one.

If they feel angry at us we will feel a little worse as an example. This was especially true of me when I left a job where every single person there hated me. It was an office with a high turnover, but there were about twenty people in a small office. When I put on an Ankh, which I still have on today. I did feel some measure of protection from that. I felt less aware of a kind of hostile energy there.

Following on from this. My thoughts had been that when we relax our prayer field. When we are not protected. Other peoples real feelings get through to us and we then use that catalyst for our spiritual evolution, rather than blocking it. In whatever form this takes, (like, it might take the form of being interested in a philosophy that encourages a certain outlook in response!) 

Specific examples then. In this non prayer week. I had an insight into someone that did not like me and a comment her friend had made about how I had suddenly acted "weird". It was a sudden insight to me how this would be their (her and her friends) obvious conclusion. 

Another example is after prayer, an anger I constantly carry and that I am often watching for moments in its relaxation. I thought of an ex friend of mine. A previously very close friend. And thought about his more negative qualities and remembered they were there. I don't think of them much. But the anger I carry with me seemed to be 'discharged' in that remembering. 

Another example was I felt a stronger feel than normal from using a crystal. 

While I was not doing the prayer, my sexual fantasies changed massively. They were completely different. Less powerful. Less complex. 

There was also another thought that never completely gained traction. That I myself was not convinced by but was playing with. That if we are created by the Creator. We should not need to do the additional step of praying everyday. We should be perfect, with everything we need, as we are.  

Now that I have gone back to prayer I want to take these thoughts down. 

The sexual thoughts and the crystal stuff are not that relevant. Even though there is a different feeling from the crystal. Crystals, practically, have only ever delivered a very mild difference. I do like them and do feel a life force from that. I like carrying them with me. But they have never been strong enough to deliver a real world, identifiable, change. 

The anger thing. Finding a concrete place for my anger. It seems good on the surface I think. But in truth. It is not good necessarily to find places for anger like that. It will only bring up more anger now the emotion has somewhere to go. Like a positive feedback loop of getting more of something. 

The girl and the group thing. So, this girl is very left wing, didn't like me. My next point about peoples coherence in general, refers to this example. 

Pluto placement and larger thoughts. 

This, again might be me putting things together that aren't right. But it's what I am thinking at the moment. It's my best understanding/ interpretation of the world, as I am experiencing it.

My conscious Pluto is as follows (it is on a blue line if anyone knows what that means!):

28.6 exalted: The deep, intuitive, drive to win no matter what the cost. 

The human design, has some really interesting wording for some of the placements. Placements that show capacities of no virtue. The capacity to delude oneself and others (David Wilcocks conscious Sun position). Complete abject despair without the possibility of anything else (47.6). The tendency to be so broken that not even therapy can fix a person (18.5). The utter refusal to take accountability (4.5). Like Law of One quotes. I have written a few of these down to remind me of how varied and unpredictable life is. And that there is sometimes even a reason for things like this in the grand scheme of things. Things we would assume are 'negative'. "Gods plan".

This might be one of those. The deep intuitive drive to win no matter what the cost, might be of a really ruthless person, and I do have a few other placements that back this up. 

Here though, my perspective on this is that the world is awash with a lot of confusion and brainwashing. A lot of people, in my view, are not at all coherent in their belief systems. While I would not say that they do not consent in free will at their own messed up behaviours. (How could anyone ever know that, that is for God). I would say that there is enough incoherence in everything at the moment. To make an impact. As I have mentioned before. The negative polarity will get to a place on this earth where it breaks. And a spell will be broken for many people at that time. Concessions people believe they need to make, they will not need to make anymore. 

Concluding, bringing it all together.  

In my view, this future point is going to be very relevant to our current situation. The people that are angry with me because they are left wing and I am not. Are going to have a shock when it is proven the politicians and the system they support and worship has been doing monstrous levels of evil. It is likely in the future, in my belief, that the left will be so destroyed that nothing of its existence will be anything more than a historical footnote. And a dark one at that. 

If this were to happen. It does not mean that these people should be immediately "forgiven". It is also hard to hold a stable viewpoint of people if you plan to forgive them, and plan for them to have different behaviours in the future. This is maddening. But it does mean that what they are producing now. If they are sending anger. Might, simply not be a valid and useful feedback for catalyst. 

I do not any longer think that prayer provides protection. Like, a shield barrier. Blocking things from coming in. I think that it reframed my inner thoughts so that these sorts of energies from others are found a positive use within ones mind. 

In the long term. I am waiting on real world change bringing status changes and such. But in the moment, it is important to have good thoughts I think. The minutea of negativity before that is not necessarily relevant.  

Back at it.

So, I've had some insights and realise that I might have "detuned" for a week or so. My last three posts. Now reverted to drafts so inaccessible. Were about how I had had this massive insight that prayer is not psychologically healthy. 

My health always goes badly wrong when I stop it. This time was no exception. But the experience gave me an insight as to what might have been my discomfort with prayer. 

I... did something that is very stupid for diabetics to do. Type 1's anyway. I lowered my long term insulin. Or... well... there was a mismatch between the ideal dose and my actual dose to several units lower. This allowed me to break down fats, to go into 'ketosis'. So to speak. Which theoretically, is a very good way to lose weight.

Not for me though. And sometimes, not for regular people either (regular people can go into ketoacidosis!). Diabetics specifically struggle with this. When they do not break down sugar via insulin they break down fats and create ketones. Good for weight loss. But the difference is, diabetics, without insulin in their system. Create a LOT of ketones, very quickly. Create an overacidified body, which is usually how they find out they are diabetics. With a hospital visit in that very precarious state. 

So I did that. And started getting tired and nasceous, extremely dehydrated. Now, I know what this feels like, and what it means and I came out of this. But while I was figuring this out. Thinking it through. I realised I am drinking a hell of a lot of that caffeine free Pepsi Max. (Which is extremely acidic!)

Along with reading now, the fifth book of the Law of One. That in one of the beginning write ups talks about when you are spiritual you have to be in line with what you teach. I realised, that even though I have been praying every day for good health. I have been drinking Pepsi Max. This is an extreme contradiction. I am basically working against my own prayer. I think this is the reason that prayer suddenly felt wrong for me and like it was peeling away from me. 

I do not have any more blog centric points right now. I have prayed and do now feel better. I will still possibly need some time to recuperate and get back to my normal thoughts. But I wanted to undo the previous three posts where I discussed the brilliantness of stopping prayer. I am not 100% sure prayer is good. I might have got something wrong here. But I suspect that the real reason that I wanted to stop prayer was because of this hypocrisy, and that stopping Pepsi Max. Never having another glass. Will solve this issue. 

Closure.

I am holding off on a blog post. A certain subject. It is something I have posted before, changed my mind on, and deleted. Something that is very important. But because I have made the decision and changed my mind before. I do not want to write about it and commit to it, because I do not want to change my mind and delete it. I want to flesh out the experience of this change. Get more data. Make a better case. Hopefully it will only take one more full day. 

I do like to post everyday though. Else why make this post? 

So I will lay to rest a kind of boring subject. I have realised I don't care a great deal about David Wilcock and what was going on with him. Yes, it was a shock, and yes, it gave me a little bit of insight ref my predator/ victim post. (This has reflected into other people).

When I was young I attached to him a lot. When I grew older and realised he was a fraud (whether legitimate or pathologically naive). It essentially set up two different people. Two different people in a sense that related to him from myself. One was the young and naive person. Then was the freshly skeptical adult. 

I had some feeling for him left over from my childhood. You could kind of feel his desire for things to change positively and I wondered how he would be in that world if it did happen. (Him being a criminal). 

Despite him being connected to the Law of One. Despite him having opened my eyes to a lot of those things. He went from fraud to fraud to fraud. There is a kind of law that Stefan Molyneux discovered. "Love is our involuntary response to virtue, if we are virtuous". I don't really feel like I can have any particular positive feelings for someone that engaged in all that fraud. 

Synchronistically perhaps. I was watching one of the last season of one of the best shows I have ever seen today. Person of Interest. This will be a spoiler. But not of any overarching plot. Just of one episode. In it a conspiracy theorist, who is actively searching and runs a radio show. Stumbles on real evidence of something powerful/ supernatural. The evidence is not conclusive though. It is a strong and significant clue in the right direction. 

The protagonists try to explain to him, after he is nearly gunned down a few times. That he cannot reveal this information. Which the conspiracy theorist agrees to. Then changes his mind. 

But when he puts it all on the air, there is a different response than what was expected. The first person that phones in wants to talk about his own abduction experience. He isn't engaging with the material. The second one is bringing in some ridiculous idea. Some wacko idea not at all correct. It becomes immediately clear that even though the conspiracy theorist radio host really cares about the subject matter. His audience do not really. They are just wackos.  

Learning and book four of the Law of One.

I'm in a bit of a change period. Where I am trying to apply a concept. A spiritual concept. One that I have applied before and has not been successful. To see if I can gain information. To understand things. So I'll make this entry simple. 

So, reading the Law of One then.

In book 4. The Contact talks to the group that it will instruct them on the tarot. The major arcana. This is a teaching process. Not a lecture. So the contact instructs Don to look into the tarot and ask questions based on what he thinks they are trying to express. 

I have often wondered about this. That the readers, have likely not done that same amount of introspection. So what of free will. Are we not having our free will violated by reading the book?

This is not the case. For some reason. I do not know why. But in reading the book the contact is clearly aware of the situation. It states that Don's job is not to create an infallible set of images. But to generally introduce people to the material. Something like that, in session 93 or 94 I think. 

But there may be another way that this works. A theory I was working on, trying to think through a few weeks ago. That I may have hinted to here but I don't think I came out and stated. Is that there is something about the negative that is more objective in a kind of callous way than the positive. The negative, simply adapts in opposition to the positive. Like I previously discussed. If just lies to sabotage the positive. An example is that the liberals used to say for years "keep religion out of schools". Then when that was done. They are adding Islam into schools. Prayer days and such in UK schools. 

The negative is also very grounded. Very obsessed with the result in the physical world. It appears in many ways to be able to give the best result. Whereas, the positive often has to explain a whole lot of abstract and long term thinking in order to make its case.  

I played with the idea, but like I said. Can't really do anything with it. It is kind of vague. There is no POINT to it. In a sense. But then I saw this quote:

Questioner: There seems to be no large hint of polarity in this drawing except for the possible coloration of the many cups in the wheel. Part of them are colored black and part of the cup is white. Would this indicate that each experience has within it a possible negative or positive use of that experience that is randomly generated by this seeming wheel of fortune?

Ra: I am Ra. Your supposition is thoughtful. However, it is based upon an addition to the concept complex which is astrological in origin. Therefore, we request that you retain the concept of polarity but release the cups from their strictured form. The element you deal with is not in motion in its original form but is indeed the abiding sun which, from the spirit, shines in protection over all catalyst available from the beginning of complexity to the discerning mind/body/spirit complex.

Indeed you may, rather, find polarity expressed, firstly, by the many opportunities offered in the material illusion which is imaged by the not-white and not-dark square upon which the entity of the image is seated, secondly, upon the position of that seated entity. It does not meet opportunity straight on but glances off to one side or another. In the image you will note a suggestion that the offering of the illusion will often seem to suggest the opportunities lying upon the left-hand path or, as you might refer to it more simply, the service-to-self path. This is a portion of the nature of the Catalyst of the Mind.

My emphasis. 

It really gives me a place to put that insight. In a sense.  

This answer here, also seems to feed a little into the post I had two days ago. Not conclusively. But it is interesting:

Questioner: I was just wondering if the transparency of the garment on the third card indicates the semi-permeable nature of the veil between conscious and subconscious?

Ra: I am Ra. This is a thoughtful perception and cannot be said to be incorrect. However, the intended suggestion, in general, is an echo of our earlier suggestion that the nature of catalyst is that of the unconscious; that is, outward catalyst comes through the veil.

All that you perceive seems to be consciously perceived. This is not the correct supposition. All that you perceive is perceived as catalyst unconsciously. By the, shall we say, time that the mind begins its appreciation of catalyst, that catalyst has been filtered through the veil and in some cases much is veiled in the most apparently clear perception.

To me. I am wondering if I am thinking these things over. So in a sense. I have requested the teaching. It also makes me wonder about my thinking in general. This whole thing was semi profound, religious even. My thoughts came first and the quotes came afterward. I have read these books fully when I was younger, about twenty years ago. So it can be explained by the subconscious. 

But if thoughts are kind of structured or guided like that. A lot of my thoughts might be relevant. Leading somewhere. So to speak.

Bringing powerful metaphysical knowledge to real life.

So, to buffer against the fact I am doing a boring first section to this article. I will explain it's trajectory. I want to summarise my own personal situation. Then highlight some pieces of information I have gleaned from dream guidance, which links into the Human Design Chart. 

So your pal No Name Here (I've never been able to change that! I assumed I could when I started.) Is getting FAT. It has come from bad choices on my behalf. Namely, for about six months I have been stuck in a loop of being extremely afraid of constipation. The only thing that worked was chocolate. So, rather than do the sensible thing and go to the doctor for something that is stronger than what was already prescribed. I got stuck in an anxiety loop where it was the only thing I thought about. But the chocolate, sorted me out for the day, and I steadily gained weight from around 82 kg to 92 kg (I am 5'10"). Making my BMI now 29.7. I have never been fat before. Before about 2020 I never had an issue with weight and was steadily about 23.7.

I now have better medication for the constipation. Am meditating daily. Have been to the gym once but plan to go regularly. Things are moving but, there is a lot that needs be retraced, so to speak. It will take a huge effort to move in the right direction in reference to weight. The second I stopped caffeine, my weight was 92.8, 92.6, 92.4, 92.2, 92.0. Sounds good though. And then, unexpectedly, somehow, the following day, I was 93.6.

The point is now to take as much information as possible. Learn the precise thing that created that specific raise. Weight every day, precise food records. Etc. 

This is a model I put together from a long time of dream interpretation. The input is the general stuff of life, but there is a central spiritual thing, usually an injustice, that a person is focused on. The Good Light is all the good things a person motivates towards. Spirituality etc. The bad light is the stuff that is changeable within us but is kind of dark. All the stuff you can psychotherapy out. 

The Bad Darkness is things that you can't change. Like, a genetic thing. Tik Tok autism type of stuff. Things that will not fix via psychotherapy. Good Darkness is the things that are good, and that might be side effects of Good Light. But in the environment that we live in, they might not be good. An example is having a fairly high expectation of good behaviour in a fairly low status job. The negative side of a good self worth, and spiritual concepts that we are all One. 

The output is how all the real, gritty world problems are created. Things like narcissistic tendencies or whatever. 

When looking at the next part of the dream after this. I feel a complete sense of endless confusion. Even when looking at previous dreams where I apparently got this information. I can't remember how I did so. 

I have tried many times to interpret the dreams that followed these insights. To no avail. It's like something has been switched off. So I went back to what has already been gained to see if the energy blockage is coming because I have not yet applied what I have been given properly. 

There is more to say here, more insights I have already gained from this. But the point is, is that the many tools I use and talk about on this blog. They have to have real world relevance and application. 

When I look at this model. Including some of the things I have already found out about it. I feel intimidated. I feel small. That I am really putting together new knowledge from the depths. But in order for this information to be relevant. To be needed. It would have to apply to a problem that seems insurmountable almost. And I am in that. The health issues are not the only issue. I am also unemployed. Getting way to old with not enough experience dating for that to ever work out. Etc.