I have attempted several times to write a blog today. Each time I have started and then not been able to. A few times immediately attempting to write again, and not being able to.
This was perhaps because one of the things I wanted to discuss was a very transcient subject. Q based stuff. But it feels to me now as though I can't force myself to be interested in that anymore. I have successfully applied that teaching, and it has now become relevant to my emotions.
So, after a nap. I have decided to basically summarise my learning from the Law of One recently. The lessons I have applied. I also want to include an astrological insight I had.
Number 1: affirmations.
I stated previously, that doing affirmations as well as everything else. Meditation, prayer, the other stuff I was doing at the time like using a pyramid. Is all too much. That a person, to improve, can only really focus on a small amount of things.
I think the problem I was having is that I was doing loads of stuff, all at once. Because of that, I had not actually written any of my own affirmations. I had only listened to youtube videos with them.
Trying that again recently. Halfway through the day I got a feeling of malevolence. Listening to someone elses affirmations I find does not work. I suspect it has something to do with the way I phrase things being due to certain insights of mine. Like, I phrase things so they don't contradict first principles of sorts I have thought up. There are a lot of concepts out there in the world, stemming from what I perceive to be a kind of magical thinking, that I just don't agree with. That I fairly passionately don't agree with.
I made my own affirmations though. And WOW, do they feel good. I cannot tell really. But it feels like I am getting results from them already. Some of them are about how I communicate with others. When I went to the launderette recently. I talked with the launderette guy there quite a lot. I have been going there for several years. Acknowledged he is a social person and would be fine to talk with. But never chatted with him before. There were various other small things like that. People smiling at me and things.
One of the things that discouraged me from affirmations when I was in my twenties was that I passionately disagree, on a fundamental, non rational level (like, I never rationally worked out I didn't agree with it, I feel repulsed by the idea) of any kind of mystical/ law of attraction kind of concept.
But that is not what the affirmations are about. I can feel that they are working through my subconscious mind. For instance, I have to align quite a lot of things in order to go to the gym. Navigating health difficulties. I wanted to go to the gym one evening. And when I was in the supermarket, I could feel myself planning things about making sure I get to the gym. In a way that seemed specific to the affirmations. It seems quite likely my body language is more approachable, which is why I seem to be having a bit more interaction with people.
I see this as a 'long term investment', and that after months or years, the behaviour changes I am affirming will be second nature.
Number 2: consistency.
One of the affirmations was about going to the gym and improving with workouts. Friday evening. I went to the gym and did one of the best workouts I have done in a long time.
I can't know precisely if that was affirmation related, there were other things it could be. But my health not being great I usually do 30 min to an hour workouts. This one was 2 hours. And I was living in heaven the next day or more. Weirdly tired, not normal tiredness, but a self contained zen tiredness. I felt so good. So overpoweringly good. I was completely calm mooded but, elated. That I stopped the things I usually do. Prayer, affirmations, meditation, reading the Law of One and I even reduced my medication for my stomach, since the exercise had created a boost where I thought that was proper.
Bad idea! This was mentioned by the contact to Carla in the Law of One. When she took medication for her arthritis, the contact advised that she had thought it was fine to stop the affirmations because of the medication. But you have to keep doing it.
No, I need to keep doing those things. I can't just chill because I've been to the gym.
Number 3: Following on from 'non condemnation'.
I am going to admit to unflattering things here. But I think it is important to explain what I am about to say.
This goes on from a post I made about a week ago. I talked about how the Law of One, specifically book five. Talks about how we should not be too emotional, in a sense, about the negative forces. This is in reference to the psychic attack that the Law of One group were facing (so as an example of their thinking, they rephrased it to 'negative greeting'). So I wrote a blog post about how I had swapped out prayer that were all about protection from evil and such. To prayers that were more love focused.
This has had the effect of increasing my "empathy" in a noticeable way.
I have, for a long time, wanted to put together smut stories of a sort. These would not be the romantic ones. But ones filled with degeneracy. Along the lines of the things I think are interesting.
The problem I have often had though, is that, in imagining my scenarios. They have been fantastic. But as soon as I try to make them into real stories, a few pages in, they fall apart, because of my spontaneous awareness that the characters would not act like that in real life. X person simply would not engage in this kind of thing with Y.
The stories, on reflection, were filled with psychopathic characters. But now I have changed my prayers. My thoughts on certain people have massively changed. Peoples behaviours from the past have become less of a mystery. All of a sudden it's like "well of course so on so would do x if they had y, which is a natural consequence of them doing z". It feels like a massive set of general blockages of my understanding of peoples behaviour has fallen away.
With it, a certain amount of upset and regret. Lacking empathy has consequences. (I got self conscious about that line. Nothing serious I'm talking about here. Just that could have related to people differently.)
In the sense of the erotic stories. They have also changed. Characters that were jumping at the chance to do unethical things are suddenly not relevant. And the remaining scenes are more focused on things that are far more realistic, in my view, as to peoples overall psychology. The characters are more cajoled into these things. Not determined to do unethical things against the grain. The relationships make more sense.
That sounds like not a big deal, because I am describing something that is only happening in my head. But bear in mind. These types of erotic stories have been set in exactly the same fashion for years, now I change that set of prayers, I have suddenly had insights into psychology and the stories have changed. To me, this feels like a very significant change.
I can't even imagine what precisely the mechanism for all this is.
Number 4 insight, astrology thought:
The concept of karma. I recognise now, as I think of it, that the concept of karma was one that I held onto on an inner level because I passionately wanted to see that karma done to evildoers out in the world.
People do this a lot. They have some kind of wisdom that has an emotional underpinning. Neitzsche talked about this kind of thing a great deal. It was one of the big foundations of his theories.
I used to go to an astrology group, where almost every week, the boomer women would bring out a different reason that, due to their astrological predictions. The left wing were going to win out in some amazing victory. Always for a different reason. Like, one I remember was a huge technological breakthrough of green technology.
I was told about karma by my grandmother when I was, extremely young. Before the age of three when I moved away from her.
But I realise, thinking about it, I need to update my idea of karma. It is too magical thinking. It is something I believe, because I was told to believe it.
But I've realised, that astrology does actually explain a bit of what I might understand to be karma. Where this comes from, is that I was reading a Liz Greene book, she said that transiting planets do reflect natal planets.
Of the slower moving planets.
Jupiter natal in the first house, wide trine Uranus and Neptune. This gives me the kind of presentation of a kind of spiritual person I assume. My strongest experience with transiting Jupiter was when it went over my natal sun and I went completely mad. Had a schizophrenic break. This incident definitely fed into that whole thing.
Saturn, eighth house: My eighth house Saturn I think is responsible for a certain tendency I have of noticing and scheming against gossipers. I have a whole set of behaviours I watch for if someone is gossiping about me. When Saturn opposed my Sun a few years ago. I was getting in trouble at my workplace. Which I think, was due to the fact I was being gossiped about (I was told this fairly directly) and they wanted me gone.
Uranus, 9th house. Exact conjunct Moon: Uranus, I have traced to precise dates to be politically involved. I see it as the free market and innovation such as that in general. I will leave this one where it is. But the pattern fits.
I've realised I don't want to go any further. But the takeaway is. That rather than seeing it all as karma. Looking at things in relation to planetary transits. It makes a lot more sense. With Saturns force and Pluto's ability to bring down deep grinding justice.

