Experimenting with healing ideas.

I feel... Fantastic. I have gone to a class on stretching at my gym. Although it was less stretching really as 'resistance training'. I really need quite an involved exercise program to improve from my current state. Not just weights, stretching as well, and other lifestyle changes. 

I talked recently about Session 5.2. in the Law of One. I have had two recent experiences in wondering how to access the emotions that it talks about. One of them that did not feel particularly authentic and relevant. But I will not be discouraged that easily. The second felt like it was very powerful. 

The first was, I have not been able to seriously get to the investigation of emotion yet, I am reading a book on it. But I did get an insight or thought about the area. The first stage of session 5.2. is being able to quieten the mind, and I have meditated six days in a row now. 

I had an insight that if the example the Law of One gave was that where you have patience, you should find your impatience. So find the negative part even if it feels like you are kind of OK. 

I have not felt jealousy to my memory. I don't know what the opposite of jealousy is. Detachment? It feels like I don't process or have interest in other people enough to have jealousy. Even if they have things that are desireable. 

But since thinking this kind of thing I have kind of got an intuitive jealousy. I felt a little jealous reading Neitzsche and feeling like he is a genius. A genius in a way I am not. 

While, that seems like a good result... technically. It doesn't feel interesting or real. To find the completeness in myself is to be able to understand jealousy. But I feel like it is a very false sense of jealousy. Like a thought wearing the clothes of a feeling. 

Another place though I did feel legitimate emotions. I have struggled with my music for a while. I play guitar and like making songs that seem to arrive intuitively. Often it is a bit like channeling in a sense. The words kind of say things that are quite insightful. That rhyme well. That I do not feel like I personally made up. 

As a small aside. While I did at one time think I was kind of channeling. Like the music was from some unquestionable place. My insight from Neitzsche though is that the will to power working through someone isn't necessarily grasping at pure truth to channel it through me. It is grasping anything it can to make a good song!

But anyway, back to what I was saying. Discovering emotions and such. Working with them. I have mentioned before how the Communion seems to be directing me towards gaining skill and less towards actually making the music. 

What I realised when I started to make a song. Was that the emotion contained in creating a song is like a river. The theme was based on the betrayal I feel via people like Nigel Farage. People that have betrayed the cause. I was once going to make that same song over David Wilcock and got an intuition not to. It was only later I realised why this is. David Wilcock was not a predator. He was a mentally unwell man. 

The amount of emotion involved in actually making songs feels like it would derail the rest of my life. But holding that ability within the general life architecture of guitar skills might give it the appropriate vessel to not overwhelm me.

There are additional points here I can make in my examination of healing in general. Starting, as the Law of One does, with the mind and understanding of emotions. For the moment, that's all I have to say.  

 

Video on cult leader using Law of One material.

So, this is the video I want to work on today:

Youtube: Mark Vincente and Aaron Abke: Bentinho Massaro Behind the Mask. Episode 8: May 24th 2026:

https://youtu.be/q27H8PXwEBE?si=PAWrXdsC_DzhgXkT

As will become obvious perhaps as I talk this through. I am quite a stickler when it comes to Law of One teachings. A little obsessive. 

Aarons main thing is Christianity, in his specific interpretations. He had said at one point he has read the Law of One 12 times. But for me, the Law of One IS my main thing. While I do find Christianity legitimate and it is my faith in a sense. It is secondary to the Law of One itself and mainly is a thing in my life because, on top of my own experiences. The Law of One and Carla Rueckert, seemed to encourage it.  

It is a beautiful thing having no status sometimes. As a person that is disabled. For many years I existed in a neurotic state with no self awareness. I really do not have any status. No power over anyone outside a small personal circle. No girlfriend, no career, and no internet presence aside from this blog, and an X account where most tweets don't even get a single like. 

I preface with all that because, I really think very highly of Aaron Abke. With the possible single disagreement of his veganism. But what Aaron has done here is that he has answered the questions in good faith but where he has said 'the Law of One says'. I don't know if it did say precisely that in every instance.

Unfortunately, for brevity I also am not going to quote every single passage I am using. There will likely come a day when I can do so. I have recalled many of them specifically. But not all of them right at the moment and I will likely be using a great deal of the Law of One in this post. Even searching for a quote can be exhausting because you are picking through profundity all the time.  

I should specifically point out here that Aaron is very young for his unbelievable achievements. He may not have had any time to independently come to the points I will bring in. If those are to act as a critique.  

The questions here were things like... What does the Law of One say about the service to self?

There are very specific things it said about the service to self. But of those specific things. It said little in total. The channeled work never really laid it out in any proper way that I am aware of. There is this quote, that would be relevant to what the conversation was talking about reference, "Service to others" and "Service to self":

Questioner: Can you tell me what bias creates their momentum toward the chosen path of service to self?

Ra: I am Ra. We can speak only in metaphor. Some love the light. Some love the darkness. It is a matter of the unique and infinitely various Creator choosing and playing among its experiences as a child upon a picnic. Some enjoy the picnic and find the sun beautiful, the food delicious, the games refreshing, and glow with the joy of creation. Some find the night delicious, their picnic being pain, difficulty, sufferings of others, and the examination of the perversities of nature. These enjoy a different picnic.

All these experiences are available. It is free will of each entity which chooses the form of play, the form of pleasure.

The discussion in this video also mentioned the pull of terms like 'service to others', into something like codependence. It was stated in the Law of One that if we are to pray to God we are doing the service to others thing. 

The conversation was about a dude who has apparently taken the sheen of the Law of One and become a cult leader. A kind of perverted weirdo. Who uses it a lot to try and get women into bed the whole time. 

Where I think a person could go with this in terms of definitions. Is that the Law of One does not say a lot about the service to self. In my understanding. It does not say, for instance, that they are super charming and well put together. Our contemporary literature on psychopaths does that. 

The contact said that a negative entity experiences anger in order to harvest energy out of others (46.9). That the negative entity sees everyone as inferior to it and that they should be guided by its force (50.6). This same quote in session 50 also discussed how the negative likes to form a cult. That the negative entity looks good because they use their appearance to manipulate others. (Can't quote this by memory yet!) It does talk about them forming cults in a sense. 

While it is a good beginning. I do not really think what the Law of One provides is really enough. The Law of One is a disconnected very cerebral source. The information is relevant but, it lacks with it the real gritty language and awareness which needs to be brought to bear when dealing with the negative in the real world as many of us do do. It needs some sort of instinctual understanding and some sort of first principles. The Law of One often wasn't questioned down to first principles, I don't think. 

So while yes, more needs to be said, like perhaps that they are specifically charming. The Law of One didn't necessarily say that.  

There is another place that this is also relevant. The need to have wisdom and information from outside of the Law of One to discuss the Law of One. Bentinho apparently says he is a sixth density wanderer. 

In my view, there is an entire philosophical discussion that needs to be had about how much status a person should gain from... even if they were legitimate, information they have from their past lives and/ or deeper selves. I believe several people in the world are sixth density wanderers. Does that make them perfect? No. Enlightened? Not necessarily. Immune from being a douchebag sometimes? Definitely not. 

The Wanderer becomes completely the creature of third density when they come here. That means they can be as mad as anyone else. 

There is more to say here I think is very relevant. Bentinho's output is... to me... completely incoherent. It's all just word salad that means nothing, but it is enough to fool some people with a leaning towards this material because it tends to use words like 'truth', 'forgiveness', mixed in with heavy conspiracy.

But Aaron doesn't say that. Many of the people posting on Marks videos do not either. I think this is the product of trauma. Dissociation can make anything "spiritual" and not tied to the real world sound good. What he says is that the negative carefully mixes in a tiny kernel of evil with positive spiritual stuff. 

No it doesn't. It mixes in word salad and the word salad itself is poisonous enough. Session 12.27 of the Law of One is fairly clear that 'love', is a behaviour. It is not words. I think this is a confusion in general in the spiritual community. Partly because it is heavily populated by women, and it has become homogenised to female perspectives. (That the thing women can do naturally, look after children and care for things, is the inherently most important virtue, and none others is really important). I credit this particular issue as contributing, as not the major part, to my schizophrenic break. Literally me trying to bend my spirit into a homogenised perspective where it wouldn't go. 

Most of the overly loving output of the spiritual communities is itself negatively inspired I believe. It saps the energy of fighting evildoers. One time when the group were discussing in detail Carla's 'greeting' by a negative entity. It had two targets. One was to further block her indigo chakra. Blocked from low self worth. The other was to expand the heart chakra. To overactivate her.  

I would say it is heavy and tiring even reading any of Bentinhos word salad output. At the end of the day a lot of the problems he is creating do not need a careful examination of the Law of One to explain how he is going "wrong"... or more accurately, "deceiving". The guy is a creepy nutjob and you do not need a Law of One quote to tell you that. You need common sense. 

It is like when Emory Smith told Vanilla Sky Dreaming that he had aliens landing in his garden and she believed him. It doesn't need a Law of One quote to explain what that is likely not happening. I could give you one, 61.9. But there is a certain groundedness and common sense that is just needed to function properly in life. 

And we've all been there as well. We've all been young and idealistic. Most of us that have been in the spiritual spaces. I used to follow David Wilcock. But there comes a time to 'put childish things behind us', as Aarons favourite apostle (jk) once said in the bible.  

Investigating healing.

Just a quick note.

I am personally working on this line in the Law of One. I have stopped going further in my current reading:

Questioner: We have decided to accept, if offered, the honor/duty of learning/teaching the healing process. I would ask as to the first step which we should accomplish in becoming effective healers.

Ra: I am Ra. We shall begin with the first of the three teachings/learnings.

We begin with the mental learn/teachings necessary for contact with intelligent infinity. The prerequisite of mental work is the ability to retain silence of self at a steady state when required by the self. The mind must be opened like a door. The key is silence.

Within the door lies an hierarchical construction you may liken unto geography and in some ways geometry, for the hierarchy is quite regular, bearing inner relationships.

To begin to master the concept of mental discipline it is necessary to examine the self. The polarity of your dimension must be internalized. Where you find patience within your mind you must consciously find the corresponding impatience and vice versa. Each thought that a being has, has in its turn an antithesis. The disciplines of the mind involve, first of all, identifying both those things of which you approve and those things of which you disapprove within yourself, and then balancing each and every positive and negative charge with its equal. The mind contains all things. Therefore, you must discover this completeness within yourself.

The second mental discipline is acceptance of the completeness within your consciousness. It is not for a being of polarity in the physical consciousness to pick and choose among attributes, thus building the roles that cause blockages and confusions in the already-distorted mind complex. Each acceptance smoothes part of the many distortions that the faculty you call judgment engenders.

The third discipline of the mind is a repetition of the first but with the gaze outward towards the fellow entities that it meets. In each entity there exists completeness. Thus, the ability to understand each balance is necessary. When you view patience, you are responsible for mirroring in your mental understanding, patience/impatience. When you view impatience, it is necessary for your mental configuration of understanding to be impatience/patience. We use this as a simple example. Most configurations of mind have many facets, and understanding of either self polarities, or what you would call other-self polarities, can and must be understood as subtle work.

The next step is the acceptance of the other-self polarities, which mirrors the second step.

These are the first four steps of learning mental discipline. The fifth step involves observing the geographical and geometrical relationships and ratios of the mind, the other mind, the mass mind, and the infinite mind.

The second area of learn/teaching is the study/understanding of the body complexes. It is necessary to know your body well. This is a matter of using the mind to examine how the feelings, the biases, what you would call the emotions, affect various portions of the body complex. It shall be necessary to both understand the bodily polarities and to accept them, repeating in a chemical/physical manifestation the work you have done upon the mind bethinking the consciousness.

The body is a creature of the mind’s creation. It has its biases. The biological bias must be first completely understood and then the opposite bias allowed to find full expression in understanding. Again, the process of acceptance of the body as a balanced, as well as polarized, individual may then be accomplished.

It is then the task to extend this understanding to the bodies of the other-selves whom you will meet. The simplest example of this is the understanding that each biological male is female; each biological female is male. This is a simple example. However, in almost every case wherein you are attempting the understanding of the body of self or other-self, you will again find that the most subtle discernment is necessary in order to fully grasp the polarity complexes involved.

At this time we would suggest closing the description until the next time of work so that we may devote time to the third area commensurate with its importance.

We can answer a query if it is a short one before we leave this instrument.

A damn long quote. The only relevant bit is the first two parts. The first part is to be able to keep the mind clear... So... regular meditation. I am now doing regular meditation and aiming for 21 days.  

The part following has that you need to identify parts of yourself. Like, where you have anger, you find it's opposite... What is the opposite of anger? I don't know. Passivity?

This is an area I have not previously been that interested in. So I have a lot of stuff to figure out, even if only to investigate. I do have a book on this area. First, before we even get there. I need to identify the different emotions. This is a common therapeutic technique and language. The idea is that a lot of people can't identify their emotions as they have a lack of ways to describe them. Therapy ideas in this area give people a huge list of emotions to choose from. 

It might end up that, as I thought before. I am just not suited to healing in general. It might end up that I have to get back to music, philosophy, and the types of things I talk about here. The Law of One says clearly in session 4 that healing is only one distortion of the Law of One. Assumedly that means that not everyone is 'distorted' in that particular direction.

Reflection on some human design transits.

I want to write a blog today. But if I am honest with myself. I am probably too low energy to write a blog. I am compelled to go to the gym. But the huge amount of highly fatty foods I have been eating to sustain it. Constant bacon and sausages. Means that my liver is struggling a bit I think. Will have to finally stop going to the gym for a little while. Even though I love it and feel compelled often. Just so I can eat a few vegetables. 

The combination of the gym and meditation feels like the golden thing for me though. Both of those things get rid of a lot of the crappy thoughts I have. The gym via just exercising out a lot of tensions and wearing me out too much to think much about sexuality. Meditation, by raising me up and making me feel a little above all the crappy concerns that sometimes bother me. I feel intuitively far more comfortable with thoughts that I identify as being difficult for me. 

A few things I want to say. Several articles I think and I don't have the energy to write it all now. I will have to try and choose only a few things. I might be able to get to each thing by being brief. 

The first, is that I had an insight based on the human design transits the other day. That stuff is all constantly whirring for me. When Venus was in 18.4 and Mars was in 15.4.

The Venus thing potentially correlates with me stopping porn. As I talked about recently. Or, I stopped it rather, when the Online Safety Act came in. But I mentioned it having an effect on my psyche. My conscious Neptune in the human design reads:

"A genius for perverse stimulation that afflicts oneself and others by promoting degeneracy and reducing joy to indulgence and decadence. The energy which fuels the drive for perverse stimulation". 

One of the gates I still wonder about. A thing I have done in the past that matches this quite exactly is that I can write erotic fiction that is dark. Nasty stuff. (Obviously it is the kind of porn I would choose, but the porn I would watch is never nearly as bad. The reddit stories are though sometimes! It's all stuff to do with adults) But without a female partner, or indeed anybody, to talk these things over with. It has not gone anywhere. I don't want to be a pervert that makes sick stories that everyone is frightened of and thinks is weird. I would need to confirm some of these things do turn on other people. Nevertheless, the 58 links to the gate 18.

I have often wondered if this is the right thing. If I am meant to hold that perverse sexual energy or if that is not what the line refers to? If that is not self in some manner? In the blog the other day, I was talking about how the way David Wilcock talked about conspiracy and linked it all to the Law of One, was a perversion of those more spiritual drives. Perhaps this kind of thing is more what the line in Neptune is talking about? This also links specifically to Neptune. But it also is more of an insight than an active, energetic... perversion. A placement in a chart seems more than a single insight. It should be working everyday.

Looking up the 58.2 before I wrote this and predictably. In the modern spiritual trend of toxic positivity. They have changed the definition to mean something else completely. Even though Ra Uru Hu specifically said this is what it means and gave examples.  

Mars in the gate 15.4. Mars seems to be linked to the insights I get by going to the gym. It also was strongly correlated with the kind of bullying I used to get in an office job. There was a time in my life where astrology was just so precise. (This is an interesting connection. Mars being both the bullying and the cleansing of a lot of those stuff as I go to the gym!)

Gate 15 refers to someone in my life that has this gate partly. Which I would have insights about when I went to the gym doing weights. This was an unsolved issue. When I was doing the gym and Mars was between 15.1 - 3 I had insights about that person specifically. When it got to the 4th line it suddenly Universalised. I do think the gate 4, the heart chakra or G Self. Is very linked to 'Universalisation'. 

And Universalisation I realise, is a very, very, important and powerful thing. I got this from Stefan Molyneux and it is one of the first principles of his 'Universally Preferable Behaviour'.

Universality basically means that if we experience reality in one area, our brain automatically applies it to everything. So the example in child psychology is that if a child is shown a tree. They automatically know what a tree is in every part of the world. 

This, it seems to me, is a huge part of why karma is real. But explained not with any metaphysical or even reference to physical laws. Explained through purely secular and verifiable means. 

If everything we do starts to be applied universally. Then people that take on bizarre behaviours. This has to universalise to their other relationships.

A lot of different examples of this. I find it noticeable sometimes how much of a solid behaviour jealousy is. You can give more information to people about the person they are jealous of. But the jealousy remains. You can explain that if they were to have put the same time into gaining the same thing. They would not have the things in their life they do love. 

It changes nothing. There was a time when I thought it would. But it really doesn't. A person who is jealous is trapped with the jealousy it seems. Or they are unwilling to see outside of it. 

For me, the Law of One makes jealousy very difficult as it shows very strongly how we are simply so unique we cannot have what the other has. 

There are other examples though. Imagine a girl that has a lot of attention in her twenties. Who starts to deal with every single relationship as one of transactions. Of carefully managing the men in her life for maximum exploitation. If a relationship comes up this model is not suitable for. Say a family one. Isn't it likely she will still use this kind of mechanism in dealing with 'the other'?

It would go the same for male pick up artists. Those techniques they use. They start off being used on women. I see them almost daily on my X feed. Things like not tolerating the excuses that women have to not sleep with a guy on the first date. Dropping them if they are too annoying. Loads of techniques like not being too needy or sending multiple texts.

It is very unlikely to me that this same set of behaviours won't then be used on other men in their lives eventually. How many years of using these patterns on women does it take for a person to just start reflexively using them in their lives? Like, when a woman does x, you apply pressure in y way. Perhaps this would not happen when a person has their full energy to think about things. "This is a guy, he will not respond the same way". Or even "I wouldn't want him to respond in the same way, I don't need this guy desperate to be with me". But life is a big complex affair that we rarely have our full energy to apply. 

Wouldn't it make sense these things would also be applied to male friends and family? Work colleagues? A lot of the people it was never intended for? After ten years, say, of using these same techniques on women all the time?

These are two small examples of behaviours that are just a bit off. There is nothing massively wrong with these two. The guys with the hot chick will have to realise she is wasting their time. The girls of the player. Well, they know what they are getting. Or at least they were told. The players don't lie usually. 

But even these two examples of things that all happen within consentual dynamics could create REAL problems for the people involved. While the society is so dysfunctional people aren't really getting the result of their actions. But even in the society as it is. Every so often these types of people will run up against people that are more powerful than them. More intelligent. Or even, by alienating the good people, they will find themselves in the jaws of a more dangerous person. As the women that alienate the nice guys and end up with a narcissist since he's the only one that will pursue past her entitled personality. 

This same concept I'm sure, can be applied to more serious ethical breaches. Not in a way I really know of. The examples that I used earlier on when I was trying to show that not all people that behave unethically are poor little souls that need to be looked after, as the left believes. The example I used was women doing cheating and making it as cruel as possible. No one is making anyone else cheat. You can have a bad relationship maybe - I would say that a man whose wife refuses to sleep with him, thus forcing him into celibacy. There is some case that can be made there I think. But the situations they are describing are not that. They are doing unethical things, because it turns them on. The motivating force is sexual satisfaction.  

In those instances, again, I have not consciously known people that have done this. And been close enough to see how the behaviour and mindset 'universalises' into their lives. But I am pretty sure, that from this theory. This does indeed happen. 

So those are some thoughts. Like I said this was with Mars in gate 15.4 and Venus in gate 18.4. Having a few thoughts on transits. I have noticed 4th line influences do immediately turn an insight from specific to an individual to suddenly relevant more universally. 5th line days carry a kind of anger and a kind of desire to push against power. But also a kind of clear breath and insight... 5 is the line of the throat chakra. 

6th line, I don't really know. Perhaps the entire perspective? The spiritualising of it? As I write this now. Mars is in 15.6 and Venus is in 18.6.

Anyway, that's all I have for today. I have some updated thoughts on Session 5.2. and thinking it through that I didn't get to. 

The primacy of meditation.

Video for today:

Youtube: Brandon Clark: I can't take it anymore. August 12th 2026:

https://youtu.be/L3asM4iiBDo?si=Mm-kl0SFRSNjddVo

I put a comment on this persons video. But it was a comment about how I had also avoided 'victim mindset' by being appreciative of things. Which is something I am working on. Rather than looking back on my past and regretting my health conditions preventing me from socialising and getting established. I thought perhaps I should appreciate that they lead me to spend loads of time thinking through this kind of stuff. 

But, it is not of the mindset of the kinds of people that make or view that video and the comment just sat there with no likes. So I deleted it. I often delete comments recently. 

As a summary then. This guy is talking about how he coaches a lot of guys. And a lot of guys have what he calls a "victim mindset". In that they keep making excuses for why they couldn't exercise. Things like 'I was travelling and couldn't work out'. But he has given his clients body weight exercises to do when you can't go to the gym. Things like that.

I do not struggle with disciplining myself to go to the gym. The reason being, is that when you are ill and unemployed; you have to invest a lot in leisure. So actually doing things constructive becomes the novelty. I know it sounds bad. But I have been very ill in the past. I am getting better now. But that is the reality of the situation. When you have periods where you cannot do anything. Like, you CANNOT do anything constructive, because of illness. What you do in the day for leisure kind of becomes the 'main event'. Since the illness is causing stress, kind of like how a job would. So you need mental time off from that as well.

Plus, for whatever reason it is. I don't struggle with motivation to get to the gym. Perhaps it is high stress levels which only the gym seems able to meet. 

But there is one area where I do struggle to motivate myself. And one extremely important area for my life...

Meditation. 

One of the things that has stopped me a few times is exhaustion. Like, after surgery. But even that is not a great excuse. I find prayer to be exhausting sometimes. I don't have the energy for it if I have been in a particularly hard workout or something. But meditation... It isn't actually a huge energy expenditure. I just don't do it because I don't want to do it. Outside the times when I do. 

The psychological effect of meditation I have found to be so unbelievably powerful. A distinct change towards a positive frame of mind. A distinct change to less of any kind of victim mindset. A slight but significant increase in intuition. That really mounts up. Just making very decision 10% better.

In effect. The world when I meditate vs. the world when I don't meditate is a functionally different place. So if I have the option of two different world views. One is the meditation world view. One is the normal world view... Which should I choose?

Obviously the former. To this end I am trying to figure out what would increase my likelihood at regularly meditating. I think, doing it at the same time everyday would help. So that is what I plan to do.  

Eclipse post. (Nietzsche, Creative Work, Communion).

Todays eclipse:

Eclipses were always a big part of my experience of astrology. In about 2017, for a period of a few years. Every time there was an eclipse. Often, down to the day, there would be something really powerful happening in my life. A kind of turning point. An important decision. 

More recently this has not been so obvious. Although, I have had an insight that I need to be less 'specific' about it. Rather than going into the technicals, thinking of it like a "Leo eclipse", might be helpful. Think of it generally in the terms that are relevant to Leo. 

I am in the UK where this can be seen. I have been near a landmark where easily a thousand people were gathered. And that is only one of them. Not even the beach, which would have been way more busy. People really like the eclipse obviously. I wonder if astrology has something to do that? Something deep, ancestral and unconscious? Or they just... like the eclipse?

For me, I suspect this has to do with my recent investigation of philosophy. Specifically Nietzsche. 

I already feel like I am getting insights and I have hardly touched the book. Nietzsche believed that peoples instinct, even philosophers. Was not towards truth itself. That it was their life force and a 'will to power' that simply takes what it can to increase it's power. If that is truth or lack of truth.

An insight from the Law of One.  

Nietzsche makes the point (in my understanding) that we cannot technically follow a 'non truth'. Because it doesn't exist. It would be a feature of madness. 

This has a lot of interesting implications. In the early parts of the Law of One, in the introduction. There is an interesting quote that might relate to this:

We have watched your group. We have been called to your group, for you have a need for the diversity of experiences in channeling which go with a more intensive, or as you might call it, advanced approach to the system of studying the patterns of the illusions of your body, your mind, and your spirit, which you call seeking the truth. We hope to offer you a somewhat different slant upon the information which is always and ever the same. 

So what we think we are doing is 'seeking the truth'. But what we are actually doing is 'studying the patterns of illusions of your body, mind and spirit'.

It's an interesting way to deconstruct how we see things. Truth is a concept that is hard to define for me. I don't take a super objective approach. To define truth something like 'that which we can confirm with our senses'. Omits a lot of very subjective things that people believe and feel are true. 

Where this is going is that it makes me redefine myself. How I perceive myself and such. If I look at myself as not seeking the truth, which is how I saw myself. But as of finding things like the Law of One as part of my 'will to power'. It starts to deconstruct everything. It justifies not paying attention to 'transcient' information. The pull of that is that it is 'seeking truth'. It also allows me to legitimately analyse others motives along those lines. I have always seen this in other people. But until I have considered it my own motivation, I won't properly see this in others, I don't think. 

This has one further potential application. 

I have struggled recently with an annoying little "side thing" in figuring things out. Recently, I stopped Communion for a while. It was terrible. I was very much weakened in my body. Dissociated. Didn't really enjoy the gym. But I did get one thing. My feelings were powerful and raw. I was able to do something that is really important to me. I was able to write a new song. 

It really just flowed. I love the song. It had both the overriding rhyming scheme and several other rhyming schemes within the verses. Music, as far as I was aware, is something that is really important for me. Perhaps my 'reason for being'. 

The effect of Communion. 

But like I say, when I do Communion, I can't make those sorts of songs. I haven't made those sorts of songs for years now. But my body is a LOT stronger. I am motivated to go to the gym a lot. I am also not subject to demonic hallucinatory like things. Dissociation. It is not a reasonable option whether to do the Communion or not. I have decided I am doing it. But the music addition is interesting. (I do a lot more skill based stuff with the Communion. Scales etc.)

But, with this 'will to power' thing I think I can understand a bit of the psychology here. When I play music. I do not feel like I get a lot of choice in what to write. I can struggle to do that. I can write poems and such. But the real music comes when I am playing and just fits. Often saying something insightful that I didn't even realise myself. 

I think I have mythologised that. In my view internally when I play songs I am playing the truth or channeling in some manner. But, the truth might be is that when I am creating a song. I am simply creating a song, and I grab anything, subconsciously, in order to create it. 

This starts to give me an understanding of what the mechanism is. When I am not taking the Communion. I am happy to write the song with my existing feelings. And this is not, contrary to what I thought. Any kind of 'channeling'. But simply a relationship with my subconscious mind.

When I take the Communion though. My outlook is changed. Part of me is no longer satisfied with the kind of songs I am making in that space. The last one was an open admission of my anger at women. With the Communion. The focus is more on taking that kind of anger to the gym and transmuting it. 

Reflection on the red pill.

When I was close to the people doing watching the eclipse today. I looked into their cars and it was just normal people. But a whole lot of couples. I realise, that me in my insular life. Looks at things very differently than a lot of the world. Most people out there, still have what is a normal ish life. They go out with their partner. They go out with groups of friends. They do all the 'normal' things.

The world from the statistics of the red pill doesn't look like that. So many videos about 'men walking away' just isn't reflected in the real world. 

I have had a fair few times when some real world information has made me doubt some part of it. One time was talking to a woman about her past and realising, that information I got from the red pill was not represented. She had dated all sorts of nutters. She was not going exclusively for 'Chad'. It was a strong, emotional, sensation, that still sticks with me.

Another was working at a place with a bunch of young women and they were all settling down and a lot of them getting married. I did not see any of the crazy party twenties the red pill tells you to expect.

Not that I have not seen exactly what the red pill predicts. But there is something wrong somewhere here with the model.  

To link this to what I was saying then. It could be that when I take the Communion. I am no longer happy with creating music from the substance that is my life. Perhaps because it would not be correct in some manner. But there is every chance that after the spiritual tools I used have actually palpably improved my life. I will have a different set of information to draw from.

Or none of this is right and I am just trying to understand Nietzsche, and adding up stuff which doesn't quite connect!  

On healing.

I had a long blog planned on the subject of porn. Since the UK government has put in the Online Safety Act. I have not watched it. I do not want to give the government my info to watch porn and I don't want to use a VPN. I don't care enough about porn to look for it under these circumstances.

It seems to have changed my thoughts and mindset significantly. I really saw nothing wrong with it before. Like, I really didn't. Especially because I am chronically single with not a lot of chance of getting into a sexual relationship. When people discuss porn it is always framed in a certain way. It is often framed by women that men have this super objectifying sense towards women if they watch porn. 

But, being women, I don't think they have any particular clue what it does. For me, it has seemed to have done the opposite. I have become distinctly less positive towards women since stopping porn. I have gotten over a kind of feeling that women are super cute and lovely, and have become more of what feels 'objective' about them. Most of the workplaces I have been at. The messages I have sent with a few small exceptions. Women have treated me in a very unpleasant manner, and it feels like I should emotionally acknowledge that. Or that I simply have on some level. 

But, like I said, something else has come in to interfere with my natural thought process today. 

I am reading the Law of One properly this time. I have read it twice recently. But I am reading it as to make careful notes on it. It is a way of reading that I would like to use a lot. You can't do that with fiction. Or, at least, it doesn't seem logical to. But philosophy, science, psychology. To retain the information and make it go deep, those kinds of notes are very useful. When you make notes you can link the information to things you already know or believe. 

Reading it properly though. Making notes. Considering things. Deepens the understanding and depth of the material. We all have a kind of Dunning Kruger I think where when we first see things we underestimate their complexity. This is true of philosophy. People just think they have perfect moral reasoning because they exist. But when you go into philosophy, (which is one of the highest IQ majors), you start to feel your brain rewiring. You realise that life itself is more complicated than you assumed. 

As it is with the Law of One. There is so much of it that is kind of easy. That just sounds basic. Like 'One Infinite Creator'. That could have been written by a person. But the more you go into it. The more "alien" it becomes. The more you re read things and realise they are significant. Even though you might have skimmed them before. Some things, like this, are just so utterly alien that I don't know where to being with it:

To begin to master the concept of mental discipline it is necessary to examine the self. The polarity of your dimension must be internalized. Where you find patience within your mind you must consciously find the corresponding impatience and vice versa. Each thought that a being has, has in its turn an antithesis. The disciplines of the mind involve, first of all, identifying both those things of which you approve and those things of which you disapprove within yourself, and then balancing each and every positive and negative charge with its equal. The mind contains all things. Therefore, you must discover this completeness within yourself.

This is from session 5.2.

No idea where to go with this. But I have talked before about not being able to find ways of healing. This is a different healing than most of them. It is not energy healing or working with nutrition. Or any of the usual healing methods. So perhaps it offers some light in the improving of health?