Modern TV

Relative success spiritually. Two things. First, I started drinking purely water a month or so back. Since then I have had dreams almost daily. Before then some of my dreams were strung out with two weeks between them. I feel that water genuinely keeps me attached to my 'higher self', so to speak. 

Secondly, I finally pushed ahead with a set of dreams I have been stuck on for a while. I feel like I should have pushed on it quicker. But there is a specific month of dreams (I interpret them in months) that I have been stuck on for about six months when it normally takes a week or so. It is very rewarding doing this. If you struggle with a part of dream interpretation. It means that the guidance it was giving was not something that you were able to easily arrive at yourself. For months, with these dreams, I did not get what they meant. 

With free will. The spirits will not give us things we do not get to part of the way ourselves. It's like, if we realise the path is down here, the spirits can help with the little things like 'don't eat the poisonous berries on the walk'. But they can't tell us to walk down the path initially. Since if they did, we would not be doing it from our genuine selves, but only a cerebral understanding of what was required. So we would not have the energy to do it. 

So with these dreams, different parts of the dreams at different times I have thought over. But to finally put it together now adds up to a whole bunch of useable information. 

Where it has gone is that it seems to be relating to other things I am understanding at the moment. I am looking at astrology. Interestingly, Simone Weil. Who talked about human psychology as all philosophers basically do I suppose. I am finding parts of my own psychology that I also see in behaviours I don't understand in other people. So, that does kind of lead in the direction of us all being One. Or a mirror. 

Anyway, I am still not that far on my Simone Weil understandings. So I will not write anything in my blog about them yet. Although I do find her to be very profound. If Carla Rueckert had a past life. It could be Simone Weil. She is of the same type of quality. 

Anyway, a bit more of a blog on a shallow topic today:

Youtube: Emily Butler: Why Does Modern Storytelling Feel So Empty?: August 28th 2026:

https://youtu.be/5jYn0m7x7RE?si=NmD8JVTEITbX9t05

I... don't even know where to being with this. I actually watched this video a few days ago and can't remember her precise points. But, the absolute mess that modern film making is today. It is exhausting. 

It has also expanded to a lot of areas. Fiction books, music, a lot of areas just have come down quite amazingly in quality. 

It really seems to come down to me is just the results of a dying society. The results of constant cost cutting. A few examples:

The Boys: Started out as an interesting take on superheroes. Was destroyed for many reasons. But the writers specifically hated Trump and all Trump voters. In the out takes. They were swearing at the fans. These people are ideologically captured and that kind of ideology does not make good stories. 

Star Trek Discovery: When I watched this, I watched about ten minutes and in those ten minutes. The characters dissolved into arguing exactly like children. It was insulting to even watch. This show had a black woman called 'Michael' as the main character. It was also again, heavily based on liberals view of fascism and such. The Klingons were made into these kind of Nationalist characters. 

The 4400: An older and so better series. The show was powerful and interesting. But in the fourth season the whole thing completely dissolved and the nuanced stories disappeared. It all became annoying and simplistic. In ways that I can barely even describe. 

All the shows that were stopped after one or two seasons. I don't know why these show writers just can't make longer shows. Star Trek Deep Space Nine had a very unimpressive first season. It didn't really kick off until Season 5. That's 26 episodes a season. Over the long term cancelling shows so quickly makes people lose interest in new shows. 

The Scream films: The early films were great, the more they have gone on the weirder they have become. It sounds like there were two very daring ideas. One was to have the antagonist win in Scream 4 and then in Scream 5, she would be the one hunted. They didn't do that. Another was to have the hero from Scream 5 and 6 to become the villain in Scream 7. But she said something pro Gaza so Hollywood canned her. 

The films are obviously dying from lack of originality and recycled characters getting too old for the show. 

The Star Wars films: Just became incredibly dumb. It became a girl boss franchise because Daisy Ridleys character was good at everything without any explanation as to how her character learned those skills (Like flying the Millennium Falcon!)

The Terminator films: The new ones are just bizarre. They are not girl boss bizarre. Not political really. They just don't have any particular "soul" to them. Somehow the stakes aren't real. It doesn't seem to matter if the good characters die. 

The new Jurassic Park films: Just crap. The original is so much better. The original has way better graphics.  

The Avengers is kind of engaging, you can put it on while you are doing something else.  

The Sarah Connor Chronicles was an exception. This was a good show with some fantastic ideas and scenes. But of course it was killed after Season 2. Nobody, John Wick, Breaking Bad, were perhaps exceptions. But almost every film and series is just crap. 

There was a golden age of cinema in about 2000. Gladiator. Terminator 2. Arnold Schwarzenegger films. The Matrix. The Lord of The Rings trilogy. 

Terminator 2 I have formative memories of. The intense danger of that show feels somehow profound. It was the opposite of what shows are today. Everything felt "real". 

This all, is just one of those 'life' things, and the problem, as I see it, is that Hollywood, and the movie and tv show industries. Are obviously not getting any real consequence for shoveling out bad shows. 

It all feels like a bit of a "violation". It is obvious that 'creativity' is almost like another universe, another world. There are good writers out there that would bring forth whatever message that realm wants to communicate at the moment. But it is all being blocked by all this stuff. 

Reflections on sexuality and psychology.

Before I begin I want to go back on something I said previously. I floated the idea in a previous blog that the way for a person to discipline themselves to meditate is to do it the same time everyday. I have decided this is not the right idea for me personally. My health issues are too unpredictable for this to be useful to me, and eventually, this same mechanism starts to prevent meditation. If it is 9am or 6pm I don't want to meditate because: "I only meditate at 1pm." 

The way to get myself to do anything seems to still be to just force myself to do that thing. It is a weird feature of my consciousness that I follow rules I have laid out mentally to the letter. So I said on this blog I only meditate at 1pm and so I have only meditated at 1pm until I state otherwise. I do not want to state one thing on this blog and do another as that would be hypocrisy. (An old paranoia I have relating to the Law of One's statements along these same lines. "If you do not learn what you are teaching" etc.)

I realise that ideally people will just take what is useful to them and this might be overly fastidious but it is apparently how my brain works.  

Todays video:

Youtube: Jaclyn Proper: Dark Sexual Fantasies Explained: Trauma, Shadow Work and Kink. April 9th 2025.

https://youtu.be/jDDKH1_cDyQ?si=6OW9M4dW6F8iqj6K

I have a human design position that talks about this. Gate 58.2 in my conscious Neptune:

A genius for perverse stimulation that afflicts oneself and others by promoting degeneracy and reducing joy to indulgence and decadence.

Trying to get away from, what are my fairly perverse fantasies. Trying to intellectualise and separate myself from my fantasies. Only to be snapped back by my guidance. 

Laying out the kink. 

I wanted to spend this blog exploring the idea of sexual kinks and such and wondering if and how they reflect into our larger sexual life, and if knowledge can be taken from that. Having an ability to talk on these matters I imagine would be useful in dealing with women. Women love their psychologising of everything. So if you were to say that sexual kinks mean something it might be a good avenue into seeing if a woman is into you. Because if she recoils you know she is not. And getting her to talk about the subject at all. 

It is a subject I do not want to talk about really. My last substack. I had a whole post where I suddenly talked about said fantasies, and after that I could not return to substack. So I opened this blog again and posted a link to here. But I realise that talking about fantasies generally is probably going to be difficult. I cannot talk with authority outside my own and so giving examples like: "If a person has x fantasy" when it is obviously me. Is an exercise in ridiculousness and feels mildly cowardly. 

So I will give mild non specific examples of my own fantasy. And then I will talk about some of my own thoughts about why we get these fantasies. It will include Evopsych more than this creator has used. I don't think women naturally like EvoPsych as it lends more authority to the real physical world and does not assume an authoritative dominance of ones emotional state. You get some women that do use it, but it is not their first instinct I suspect. It will also include more of a kind of 'will to power' linked Nietzschean psychology.  

So, my fantasy is kind of strange. It is kind of uber complex. As someone with Schizophrenic tendencies, that you might call Schizoid. I have extremely complex fantasies that are more like stories. I heard once from a woman who talked about porn called 'Red Head Redemption'. That male fantasies are simple. Blond with big tits. Female fantasies are these long drawn out emotional things. Well, then my fantasies are female. 

So, talking vaguely, my fantasies are about female sadism. I think the sadism is the core. It has various other links that kind of look like other things, but are not. So humiliation is part of that. But there is as point my masculinity won't tolerate the humiliation. I would not dress in female underwear or be walked around like a dog as an example. Because if a women tried that on me, in my mind at least, I would hit her so hard she would never get up. 

The fantasies tend to involve things like groups of girls clanning together to create bullying dynamics - using gossipy psychological tactics and such. While also including guys in this. The influence of the guys is something that my internal model has slowly included more and more of and this comes from talking to people about sexuality and trying to get an accurate model of how these things could actually happen. Women often don't have a tendency towards sexual sadism (or, I think with women they often simply indulge said tendencies and don't think of them in any real depth, they don't allow themselves to see that they get off the sadism element of it!) BUT, if a guy they are into wants them to do it they will do it and then they will enjoy it. They will 'yield' to their boyfriends bully they are cheating with, as an example. 

The reasons? 

So this is where I think some of those ideas come from:

A) Evopsych: I have been quite ill most of my life. I am getting way better now. The physical problems I had before did actually put me in a constantly stressed state and I do feel often inspired my kind if 'reptilian' primal mind. 

My thought on this is that the bodies mission is to reproduce. But there are all sorts of things that can get in the way of this. I think the body tries to get around the barriers created by the mind and the real world. So with me, I am in a weak position. These fantasies are close to submission. The body wants to reproduce and figures the most likely way for that to happen is to meet a dominant girl. So it pushes the mind to fantasise about this stuff to increase the chances of reproduction.

Also, going along with this then. Guy that are naturally strong and always have been naturally strong are likely to fantasize more about forcing themselves on the woman. And it also explains a little womens desire to be 'forced' in fantasy terms. If they generally dislike men, and are actively pushing them away, which many women do; then the body calculates that if they are forced then they still get to reproduce.  

B) A need for truth. 

One of my fantasies that jumped out of nowhere that was incredibly sadistic and even shocking to me. One that went into the area of pain without a lot of sexual satisfaction until way later in the story. Came to me after dealing with a woman that... just hated me. Not only did I experience it (although in subtle ways with plausible deniability!). But I could feel it from her. 

While a lot of my fantasies involve complex mind games involving a lot of people (this also might be trying to bring reality in because this is how women operate, through gossip and secrecy). There is usually a "mask off" moment. A party where everything is revealed in one fell swoop for maximum psychological pain. 

I think some of this might have come from my experience of constantly dealing with women that have bullied me in some manner. It has, in fact, happened a lot. And a lot of the time it has happened, the girls involved have shown some sexual interest at the same time. 

It reminds me of a Bob Dylan line in a song called 'Positively 4th Street'. "And you know as well as me. You'd rather see me paralysed. Why don't you just come out once and scream it!" A lot of these experiences feel like just ongoing teasing and part of me just wants a "mask off" moment with these experiences. 

People crave truth on a very fundamental level. 

C) Childhood experiences.

In reading the Law of One. I came across Carla Rueckerts brief discussions on sex. She said, and I think the idea was discussed in the Law of One. That a persons earliest experiences are what kind of sets them for their later adult experiences. So the example she gave was a man that when he was a young boy, was tied up with other children in a childhood game. In trying to get out of this he was turned on, perhaps rubbing up against the girls or something. This set him up to only be able to be turned on by being tied up. Some guys are like that. They only get turned on by their kink. They are not turned on by normal sex. 

For me this was definitely true. Although I do not want to give details. 

D) Normal anxieties and fears reflecting into the psyche. 

Other possibilities here might be, so in a cuckolding example. That the guy has a subconscious fear and understanding of the brutality of other men and determination for sex. Their willingness to engage in violence. So they fantasize about giving his girlfriend to the guy to placate them. To show their value to the tribe. To not be aggressed on etc.

Another in the same area might be that a guy is inexperienced and badly wants his girlfriend to experience real pleasure. He calculates that if she does not experience real pleasure she will leave him. Or some other bad thing will occur. And he does not think he can do it himself. Perhaps he lacks a certain ferocity. So the fantasy becomes about her getting off with someone else. 

Healing of these things.

I don't think these things can be healed. I don't think any single thing you can do will change your fantasy one iota. I have noticed that when I go to the gym these fantasies change a bit. Sometimes, I am suddenly more dominant in a fantasy I expected to be submissive in. Even to the extent that I suddenly change roles. I am not the person receiving the sadism, but the person scheming to bring sadism to an unsuspecting man from the women in his life. 

But that is not a big change really. The bump in testosterone didn't change that much really, and the previous more submissive version will probably return.  

I have often thought to myself that the pure quantity and breadth of human sexuality cannot be enacted in a life if one does not want to toxify it. Fantasies, like cuckolding, rape, and worse, are the kind of things that probably have to stay in the mind. I doubt one can bring the bullying, and jealousy dynamics of cuckolding into ones life without screwing up said relationships and life. Women who dream of being violated would probably never recover if it really happened because the actual experience would be nothing like the fantasy. 

For this reason. I have often thought of writing erotic fiction on these sorts of things. But, simply put, I need a woman to engage with me about this in order to do that. I cannot explore these ideas in a compete vacuum. I need a woman, and potentially even more people. To say 'yes this is realistic, no this is not, yes this thing is a turn on, yes I did that.' Before a woman did say to me 'I would do that if my lover asked me to'. I did not put together that if I wanted a girl to do perverse stuff in the story the guy had to push it, and she gets turned on by turning on the guy. 

In my real life I have very little access to sexuality and this is probably the problem for a lot of men. In fact I know, statistically, it is. Female empowerment has tanked relationships as men are now out of work due to DEI hiring. So what we are left with is this thing, sexuality, that creates loads and loads and loads of energetic output and mental fantasies, that has basically nowhere to go. It is not even creating children anymore.

And even a lot of the guys that are married are sexless!  

Whether this can be leveraged into self knowledge or if it is just additional noise, to be kind of ignored and maybe prayed away. I don't know.  

Gate 59, todays transit.

Oof, had a couple of days where I just was not sleeping properly. Four days of either very bad (physical medical issue) or lack of sleep. In quite the anxiety state. But I slept last night. Hallelujah. 

The issue I was having, although it seemed like a very physical issue. It had a very physical cause and effect. Once I did a Communion. I had a big insight into a decision I had made. Then I slept properly. I cannot prove the emotional issue was responsible for the sleep issue. But it seemed to be. 

Anyway, this is the human design for the eclipse of today. I have reflected on this previously. But now we have actually gotten here, I have more insight into it.

Trying to figure it out before, I realise I have not put enough emphasis on the 59th gate.

Two people in my life, in which there was a long term issue of sorts. One of them a conflict, another was a communication issue. But both people involved had... the gate 6 in a prominent part of their chart. 

In one instance, the one keeping me awake, it was probably me that was wrong. In the other, well, the only thing I had to do was tell the truth. 

I imagine that this eclipse has something to do with Lindsay Clancy on a larger level. Since she is the main thing happening politically she would be hooking into the transits. But I can't really see where she is here. 

The women supporting Lindsay, whom are really getting pushback now. Having their boyfriends break up with them and things. The feminists. These people might be shown by the gate 6 which the gate 59 is receiving. Feminism is very like 'starting a fight' (conflict, gate 6), and then most of the time people won't push back. This time, with the Lindsay Clancy issue, they are pushing back.

The path is straight and narrow.

Karen Mitchells psychopathy research. 

All day, I have been drafting in my head, an incredibly intense blog, taking in information from a women called Karen Mitchell. Who wrote a new book on psychopaths - or what she calls Persistently Predatory Personalities. Upending a lot of what is said about them. Adding in a lot of research and context which takes an understanding of them. An understanding of this subset of conscienceless people. Far closer to what the Law of One talked about in terms of service to others entities.

When I was young, a teenager, I got really interested in psychopaths. I have brought a lot of books on the subject. But what they talked about was a creature that was a different thing, it was nowhere near what the Law of One conceived of as 'service to self' behaviours. 

Karens perspective is that these types of people are strongly, strongly averse to any revelation of the kind of people they are and so, a lot of them go into psychopathy research and intentionally skew it. One source that she quotes says that about 85% of their behaviours and energy goes towards making sure they are hidden from the world. So they will go to a charity and not even do any of their evil deeds at that charity, since the charity for them is serving only one function. They will create entire marriages just to shield themselves from scrutiny. 

I was then going to branch out and think about what that might mean for our society. Because for me, it changes the perspective. As I read this, it changes my perspective on what societal problems really are. A lot of people think the problem is ideological capture, or sin of one description or another (lust, greed), maybe lack of tradition and familial and community connections. But for me, understanding these personalities shifts my perspective on a lot of what the problems might really be and what is needed to fix it. Even in traditional societies, these types would have existed. It may have been what has caused a good amount of the fuel for feminism (both the trauma of male abusers keeping women in marriages, and sociopaths then becoming part of feminist causes).

This expanded out into political and various sociological thoughts which I have decided are of a transcient nature. So I wanted to focus on what we might experience during this specific moment in history. I don't think it would be an understatement to say that a lot of our society is dysfunctional. With things like a broken economy. It is dysfunctional in a way that cannot be ignored. In a way that interferes with our lives even if we want to stay away from 'transcient' matters! 

Powerlessness.

Focusing on myself but I am SURE that my experience is relevant to many others. (But not every other!) There really isn't a lot that I can physically do to change my circumstances in any meaningful way. I cannot get a job. I have a medical issue limiting me from some roles. The jobs I apply for I barely even get responses to for years on end. 

A similar thing, a similar lack of power goes for both potential intimate relationships and friendships. I suppose it is not 100% that if I approached a girl and such it would go badly. There are lots of degenerate unemployed that do sleep with a load of girls (but even that is not necessarily a thing of motion. A thing that grows into a productive relationship!). But, to me, it is highly likely this would be the case, and if you add in disability, and the lack of previous experience, as an issue, it makes the whole thing even more difficult. Friendships are somewhat similar. My life is limited due to the disability and the issues it creates where a lot of my friends have a lot going on - they have grown up and become adults with responsibilities. My power over those situations is not particularly high - I might not meet them for years on end if they have other things going on. Not least because I don't have any particular leverage in these situations.

That sounds like moaning doesn't it? Maybe it is. But it is also serving to illustrate something that is relevant to this post. My relative position of powerlessness. Both the bible and the Law of One though, mention the straight and narrow path. I have often come back to this teaching in thinking things over.

What do I have power over then?

While, it is not much, in the everyday sense of the world. These are not things that have real material effects. I do think there are things I do have power over and that I can do that may eventually improve my situation. 

The gym. My stats are unchanging. I have one of those good scales that measures everything like body fat, bone density, muscles mass etc. None of my stats are changing. They are going up and down but not changing. Nevertheless, they do not need to. Changing myself into someone that exercises regularly is a long process, and I am reliably able to get to the gym. 

The gym is one of those things that you can work at for a long time, an annoyingly long time apparently, and not see much change. Then suddenly, you do. So the gym is one of those things that you just plug away at and then perhaps later get results. You do the same thing every week. So it is like a straight and narrow path. Only improving on basic things in relation to it. Like nutrition or stretching or other surrounding things. 

Dream interpretation, the Law of One, and philosophical teachings: All of which take up a position that gains very powerful insights. Extremely positive and powerful perspectives. But none of it can necessarily be translated to material success except indirectly. You feel better in the day so you are more active or more engaged perhaps. 

The insights I get from dream interpretation are really next level. They give me insights into people that those people would not suspect. 

The only other area is meditation, prayer and affirmations. So spiritual practices that are a little more grounded.

In a sense, in a situation where I am powerless, any of these particular practices might mean a breakthrough or might allow me to take advantage of changes in the political landscape.

Same for everyone?

Even though as I said I have friends who have more going on in their lives. More 'adult responsibilities'. This does not mean they have more power. If someone has a child for instance, they are controlled by the childs needs, a similar thing once you have a business, money and bills. 

Continuing reflections on Session 5.2.

Fun Science Fiction. 

Before I go on, I want to say something that will come back later. I have recently finished watching 'Twelve Monkeys'. It is a very good show in relation to todays TV shows. Of which, in my view, outside of a few gems, often has a lot of shortcuts and lack of coherence and such. 

Twelve Monkeys is the same in a way. The time travel storyline and emotional arc of the characters turns out to not make a lot of sense in my view. But the story is well enough put together to be good and there are some genuinely creative ideas in it.

One of them is the red forest. In this show, when a time travel paradox is created. It changes a forest from normal to red. Meaning the plants and such are all red. If people then take the leaves of these plants and put them in tea. They can time travel. Or time travel/ have a psychedelic experience. It is kind of both. 

What is good in the show though is what a lot of shows do good. They set up the mystery amazingly. The characters are quite interesting. The show is extremely fun with a lot of action scenes. But overwhelmingly. The show creates this sense of mystery. This 'mystique'. You don't know why big things are happening and then some secret group or some time travel thing explains it. 

Emotions and Jealousy.

I mentioned before I am trying to get a handle on the healing advice given by the Law of One in session 5.2. A quick summary is that the first part is to do with finding opposites of emotions and 'balancing' them. The second part is to do with accepting the self. 'It is not for a being of third density to pick and choose among it's attributes'. 

In relation to the first part. The emotion I started with is jealousy. It is just where I intuitively went because it is something I don't have much experience of... I don't think. As in, it might be showing up in my life but I am not identifying it as such. But the sensation, if it is there, is not at all like the way others have shown it to me. I have seen people get aggressive and angry to the object of their jealousy. Which I have not experienced.

My first insight here is that 'what is the opposite of jealousy?' Thinking about another line from the Law of One. When they were describing sexual blockages: The second blockage is orange ray. The desire to be possessed or the desire to possess. Then is the yellow ray. The desire to control of the desire to be controlled. 

So this clearly shows the opposite. Interestingly here 'the desire to be controlled' is not something often discussed in our culture. Because our culture likes victim culture and wants to make out the 'controlling' partner to be the devil incarnate. But I suppose there are a lot of reasons someone would actually want to be controlled. If they don't like making their own decisions and such? Anyway, that is a side note.

So jealousy then, would be the desire for others stuff - it's kind of also for their 'life force' as I have seen it. Or, is the opposite? The desire that others be jealous of you? I do actually experience that. I experience that as a kind of legitimate 'revenge'. If I were successful, then other peoples punishment for what I perceive to be bad/ disrespectful behaviour, would be to be on the sidelines and ignored, feeling jealous of my achievements and life. 

The kind of thing that is very much shortcutted when you have a disability. 

I talk a bit about how I have not had social experiences in my youth and that that is not a good thing. While it has often been a cognitive thing for me. I have set in my mind a pathway that I believed from the mainstream world that was not followed. Go to University type of place. A sequence of friends and girlfriends. Some time lived in a kind of hedonistic existence of working but mostly partying and then settling into a job and such with a long term partner/ wife. The social experiences were a prequel to that. A necessary building block. Without which, none of the rest of it happens. 

But, is it cover for a more emotional experience? As I went walking the dog today I saw two attractive young girls loading a car. Moving or something. The feeling I feel then... Is it jealousy? I don't associate the feeling with jealousy because it is not directed AT anybody. There was a guy with them. That I just didn't care about. I don't look at the guy and hate him and want what he has. When I have experienced people being jealous towards me they hated ME. They would make comments about what I had said about music as an example. Since I genuinely practice. But there is still something there that might be comparable to 'jealousy'. A feeling or something?

It is also related to entitlement. People that feel jealous on some level feel entitled to have the thing that they are jealous about (i.e. music ability). That would seem to be linked in there somewhere. 

Acceptance.

The acceptance side of the equation. When I am in nature, I passionately am reaching for something 'higher' and 'other' than this world. Tolkien once wrote that the value of fantasy is partly to enrich our experience of the world. So if people are reading about talking trees as an example. When they are out walking near trees they might think more about trees.

Linking back to my 'red forest' point at the beginning. There are other shows and books that have increased my thought and curiousity about nature. The weird super mold in The Expanse for example.

But when I am looking around at nature. I am trying to get myself in the moment to experience something 'other' than this world. It is a strong feeling. As I discussed in a previous blog. That kind of power, as talked about in sci fi. Would be able to undo the massive evil we see in the world today. I imagine what it would be like that some weird time travel thing changed and the nature that I am around turns to red. 

In The Expanse. One of the most satisfying things in the book was that the supernatural mold that would do loads of stuff would not be controlled by the very limited and often 'bureaucratic' people in the story. I often experienced when I was younger a desire for something supernatural to 'break the will' of all the people that insisted on living in the real world and rejected the supernatural that I believed existed (I have grown from this now!)

But, this was what I experienced ALL DAY most of yesterday. When I prayed, that feel did go. I do feel it is easier to just appreciate 'what is'. 

So where the 'acceptance' comes in is that I am a spiritual person. I do need to pray daily. That this is just the way it is. While a lot of my intellectualising does not conclude that prayer and that mindset is super important. That is nevertheless part of me. Perhaps a part I struggle to accept. 

Learning the Ways of the Body. 

I got a little bit of an idea what the Law of One was referring to when it talked about understanding your body and then other peoples body. Perhaps this:

Youtube: Proscopa Insights: How To Judge People By How They Look Physionomy Explained: August 1st 2026.

https://youtu.be/p7g65k0Vtiw?si=QhL3k4USn45_rWhW

I recall looking up physiognomy about a decade ago and there was just nothing on it. It appears to have grown in popularity, if you search for a book on Amazon there are now a lot of books on it. 

Anyway, so those are my thoughts for today.  

The basics. Transits.

Every day I see some sort of incredibly evil disgusting thing on social media. I follow rape gang survivors on there. We see the fallout form Lindsay Clancy and other things. 

It has often made me feel powerless. Has often made me reach for a reason for it all. Or if not a reason. Some way to process. Some wisdom that will bring light to it. Even if that wisdom shows something dark. 

Also, when I watch science fiction, and a thing which is also linked in my mind to the kind of tools I talk about on here. I also yearn for a truly spectacular power to become obvious. Like, if you are watching a science fiction film. Then huge global problems get sorted out through things like time travel and ancient prophecies. 

Astrology is one of these things that does feel like it brings along some sort of meaning in that area. Even though so much pain is tied to the way the world is at the moment. Things have palpably shifted now Saturn and Neptune are in Aries. We have gone from the left having control over everything, especially the narrative. Now we have moved to more obvious pushback.

I was not going to talk about this today. It feels too petty, too personal. When I played out some of these annoyances in my mind I just didn't think they were important enough to put into this blog. BUT, then I saw the human design basis for these things. It all added together so perfectly, that it felt like it brings some value. Partly, to show the power of these systems. And in the hope, that these grand transits are slowly showing a pattern, which we can observe. Where evildoers face consequences. Where Gods plan is revealed and the higher positive forces are proven to be powerful, not inert. 

I have mentioned a few times recently how interest in philosophy is something that is taking up my attention. I have mapped out the parts of my life that are relevant to each nodal point. The nodes are important I think. Because they tend to show exactly what behaviours are needed. They relate to the real world. Where the incarnation cross is something we just do whether we intend to or not. We just 'are' our incarnation cross. Whereas, we do or do not do our nodes. 

For me: Conscious North Node in 25.6. Relates to my meditation, spirituality and philosophy. Personality South Node: Gate 46.6: Relates to the classic psychotherapeutic approach. That which can be changed. Your parental story etc. But for me, the behaviour that is relevant here is exercise. Going to the gym. Unconscious North Node: 21.2: The body is very different. The North Node here is less clean but is more powerful. This relates to me to playing music: South node 48.2: This tends to be all the unchangeable darkness. So things that cannot be changed. This is where a persons 'autism' or medical conditions would be. The behaviour here I suspect is paying attention to research on manipulators. Narcissists/ Psychopaths etc. Because where my physical and mental health is less than good, it gives me a vulnerability. 

This is a fairly unique take on the nodes. I built it from pretty much the ground up. 

At the moment, I am feeling a kind of frustration. I thought the Conscious North Node, 25.6 was unchangeable at some point. But now I realise that it has changed. The 'light'. The good stuff. Has moved incrementally for me. It used to be the Law of One and theology. But now it is moving over to philosophy a little. 

The trouble I am getting is that I am getting myself together now. Am interested in philosophy. Am interested in a lot of things. But the world is giving me a big block. At the moment, it has become clear that it is interesting to look into philosophy and other things. But it is close to impossible to communicate any of this to anyone else because... They are just not interested. There are many other anger causing ways this manifests stretching right back into my past and political concerns and such. People 'expect' the kind of left wing egalitarianism mindset. And that is at odds with reality for me. 

And this is where the transit comes in. Transiting Neptune is sitting on Gate 25.6. It is retrograding back over it. Now doesn't that transit just perfectly match the experience I mentioned?

So, there is a very Neptunian block here but there is a solution. That solution is the only thing that feels any good at the moment... The gym! 

Most of the issues that are created in that high level cerebral kind of mindset. Of thinking over philosophy and other things. Can be simply met by a grounded and joy filled celebration of the real world and the body. By going to the gym. It brings in a kind of animal, simplistic, enthusiasm, which is the opposite of that previous energy. 

I believe Neptune transits are very important. They relate to that kind of dream world. To Law of One types of things. 

The two eclipses. Closing up emotional investigation.

Firstly, I have ended my experimentation on 'healing ideas'. Along the lines of where my intuitions were clearly carrying me. 

I was reading this book, which was one I brought more than a decade ago, to look into this area:

An avid leftist this woman is. Although she has toned it down since I checked her blog about five years ago. The first chapter references Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Coleman as a good book. 

Nevertheless, the woman has a skill. She used to be very into energy work which was where I originally found her. She wrote a fantastic book which is still in print despite the fact she no longer believes energy work is real! 

Anyway, so I started reading this and she speaks well and informatively about how emotions work. She starts talking about how emotions can go two ways but we often need to put them along a kind of 'middle way'. So people either repress their emotions, perhaps intending to deal with them later. Or they release them all the time and at inappropriate times. The example she gave, which is quite fitting to the current news cycle. Is getting angry at a baby. 

She says it is never appropriate to get angry at a baby so you need a third avenue. To channel the emotions somehow... You know... Like music! Then when it got to the part where it talks about exercises to access your emotions... Well I could go no further with this book. If my life has given me the perfect way to access my emotions, like I talked about. It is also the only real way I have been able to access my emotions my whole life. Meditation, dream interpretation and the gym are close seconds. Then it seems pretty obvious that music is the way, and it is not useful to pursue other avenues. 

It also feels mildly cowardly to avoid music as an avenue for this, and also lazy, since gaining in music ability to make songs is hard work. The feelings that come out in music are raw and create vulnerability. For instance, I have a song about my sister. It expresses a lot of loving feelings for her. About a sense of misery I have at watching her get lost in politics. I have attempted to excise any positive feeling I have for my sister, with all sorts of ideas and philosophies, because I feel her to be contemptuous of me, the affection I feel is... unreturned, as though I were a nuisance; I have not been able to communicate with her. But the music tells the truth. 

The 12th of August Eclipse:

I believe this to be very significant and will lay out how I think it is working in our lives and in my life:

The aspects for the Sun and Earth:

Sun: 4.2: The recognition of limitation in oneself and others leads to tolerance and the suspension of judgement.

Earth 49.2: The potential to explore every possibility before rejecting. 

It is also worth referencing the entire thing. Conjunct the South Node in Leo would be about expressing warmth and heart but that not being useful. That being an aspect 'of the past'. 

The Sun in gate 4.2 has been very strongly something I have talked about here recently. Recently, I have been reacquainted with a close friend I have known VERY well. Someone I know a great deal of their backstory and how they have acted since they were about four years old. Someone that I would know if they were lying. The realisation I have gotten from this is the reality of mental health issues, like autism and ADHD. I am the kind of person that would not dismiss out of hand the idea that a lot of people talking of these issues are lying for personal gain - as does happen, and as is discussed. But in this case, I know the person well enough. 

The day itself, in the eclipse. I was near a landmark that people were going to to view this eclipse. Hundreds of people. Probably thousands actually. A whole long road with people camped along the whole thing even before you get to the landmark. 

I saw a lot of young people, a lot of couples. A lot of examples of the social experiences I have missed. Hanging out with groups of mixed gender friends. 

The gate 49 is the one that very strongly shows this feeling. I used to get very paranoid around concepts like these. About being deliberately socially ostracised and while I cannot remember exact instances. I suspected strongly the gate 49 is the part of the chart relevant to these feelings for me. I have the 19 hanging on an undefined root in the conscious Earth. Undefined often means it needs support from the world. 

I do not know precisely what that precise line means. But I know the general area it is talking to. The general area is this entire area of socialising. 

To me, it is likely letting go of all this stuff. Even though I have talked about letting go of precisely this. It is easier to make up stories you don't know if they are true when you are not in contact with people. The changes in my life show that this is now becoming a real thing. Letting go of the past... Or not. 

Reflection onto my personal chart:

Obviously the points in this chart effect us personally. My conscious Mars is in gate 4.1. So just next to the Eclipse Sun here. What I think this is, has a huge effect on, is my philosophy, and my investigation and commitment to philosophy. 

Before in my life, as I have previously mentioned here. I read the Law of One, but did not deeply research it and apply it. I also was very connected to David Wilcocks ideas on everything. So all my 'spiritual energy', or maybe it is 'mental energy'. Got lost in unproductive mad thoughts like that. But now that cerebral energy is very relevant to the world. When people bring up moral issues. Which are most of life it sometimes seems. I can run it through philosophy. Which is, ironically, a far more solid contribution to any discussion than conspiracy. 

This is a big change which might reflect on all these things. Ultimately, what I now know. Is that as desireable and sweet as those social connections are. Many, many of them are traps waiting to happen because people don't have a solid commitment to virtue. 

It definitely changes the interaction. Before, I was me and my life force and no real standards. But with the addition of the philosophy, including a proper understanding of the Law of One. There is a change there. Which effects all these issues a great deal.  

The coming Eclipse:

Sun: 59.6: The tendency based on personality or circumstances to accept only temporary unions that may be otherwise impossible or dangerous to continue. - The power of intimacy regardless of conditions. 

Earth 55.6: The possibility of finding the spirit through materialism. 

The goal and mythology of astrology. If astrology was put into a fiction film for instance. Is the accurate and prophetic accounting of the things that are going to happen. Like, what a Nostradamus prophecy is meant to be. 

In practice, I have found that to be close to impossible. Perhaps I am not yet experienced enough for that. Or perhaps it is not possible? It is unlikely I would have had the foresight to explain that entire chain of reasoning on the August 12th eclipse had I not had the experience I had had on August 12th. 

Gate 55 is not connected to anything in my chart. I do not recall a single experience or awareness I have had around the gate 55. Mars in the gate 39 energising transiting Earth in gate 55 should be quite intense, Gate 59 is a little different. People with the gate 59, they do dissolve those barriers. 

These transits could be a movement that makes something new over the failed previous social energies. An entirely new social direction not related to all those thoughts. A relationship perhaps. Not encased in a larger friend group. 

But, I don't know how it will manifest. This ends my thoughts on these transits.  

De- tuning.

I think it is becoming more important for me to stay 'tuned' at this part of my life. 

I had a dream tonight. It was one of those dreams where you know you are dreaming, and you want to get out of the dream, but you cannot. I call entities to get out of that state. But the thing about this dream was that it was not a dream. I was in a completely black space. 

Horrifying obviously if you know what this is hinting at with reference to the Law of One. I think it is a warming. The warning is that I am at a point now where yielding to temptations is going to be costly.

This has happened because, I was doing meditation daily and feeling fantastic. I have also been going to the gym although have missed this week outside of learning stretching (which is more like very light resistance work some of it). 

But as I meditated, and felt great from the exercise. Playing music is a good thing as well. I started to doubt the use of 'prayer'. Wondering if I still need it if I am getting the positive effect of meditation.

When I don't pray. I get a bad luck. I just meet people that are not good luck in the same way. People I don't think I would meet if I were 'protected'. Life just coincidentally works out a bit worse. 

Which is what happened here. One by one small little temptations crept in. I was eating chocolate. I had some wine with my communion, as I felt stressed, and wine a bit later. Then I didn't meditate one of the days, thereby breaking a streak. Caffeine stops me sleeping normally after a short while. I am just not quite as rested. I just can't quite get to a normal level of relaxation. Which I am feeling now. I am feeling the level of relaxation below what it would have been had I had a bar of chocolate. 

It's just a slight thing that leads to another detuning thing and another. But it started with stopping prayer.

I realise this is a very self centered post .While I do mix my experiences with what I am saying in most posts. This has been fully based on myself. But I do think that we all do experience this in some manner. Readers here are most likely to be of this kind of leaning. For you, it might not be caffeine or alcohol that creates the problem. Many people barely respond to caffeine it seems to me. But we all do have our equivalent temptations. And the spiritual journey that we are on is important. Especially as we get it right and thereby, have more power so the negative effects of yielding to temptation are more costly on ourselves and others. 

I am hoping I am getting to the end of these little experiments and will eventually be able to just pray everyday and meditate, either very frequently or every day. 

Experimenting with healing ideas.

I feel... Fantastic. I have gone to a class on stretching at my gym. Although it was less stretching really as 'resistance training'. I really need quite an involved exercise program to improve from my current state. Not just weights, stretching as well, and other lifestyle changes. 

I talked recently about Session 5.2. in the Law of One. I have had two recent experiences in wondering how to access the emotions that it talks about. One of them that did not feel particularly authentic and relevant. But I will not be discouraged that easily. The second felt like it was very powerful. 

The first was, I have not been able to seriously get to the investigation of emotion yet, I am reading a book on it. But I did get an insight or thought about the area. The first stage of session 5.2. is being able to quieten the mind, and I have meditated six days in a row now. 

I had an insight that if the example the Law of One gave was that where you have patience, you should find your impatience. So find the negative part even if it feels like you are kind of OK. 

I have not felt jealousy to my memory. I don't know what the opposite of jealousy is. Detachment? It feels like I don't process or have interest in other people enough to have jealousy. Even if they have things that are desireable. 

But since thinking this kind of thing I have kind of got an intuitive jealousy. I felt a little jealous reading Neitzsche and feeling like he is a genius. A genius in a way I am not. 

While, that seems like a good result... technically. It doesn't feel interesting or real. To find the completeness in myself is to be able to understand jealousy. But I feel like it is a very false sense of jealousy. Like a thought wearing the clothes of a feeling. 

Another place though I did feel legitimate emotions. I have struggled with my music for a while. I play guitar and like making songs that seem to arrive intuitively. Often it is a bit like channeling in a sense. The words kind of say things that are quite insightful. That rhyme well. That I do not feel like I personally made up. 

As a small aside. While I did at one time think I was kind of channeling. Like the music was from some unquestionable place. My insight from Neitzsche though is that the will to power working through someone isn't necessarily grasping at pure truth to channel it through me. It is grasping anything it can to make a good song!

But anyway, back to what I was saying. Discovering emotions and such. Working with them. I have mentioned before how the Communion seems to be directing me towards gaining skill and less towards actually making the music. 

What I realised when I started to make a song. Was that the emotion contained in creating a song is like a river. The theme was based on the betrayal I feel via people like Nigel Farage. People that have betrayed the cause. I was once going to make that same song over David Wilcock and got an intuition not to. It was only later I realised why this is. David Wilcock was not a predator. He was a mentally unwell man. 

The amount of emotion involved in actually making songs feels like it would derail the rest of my life. But holding that ability within the general life architecture of guitar skills might give it the appropriate vessel to not overwhelm me.

There are additional points here I can make in my examination of healing in general. Starting, as the Law of One does, with the mind and understanding of emotions. For the moment, that's all I have to say.  

 

Video on cult leader using Law of One material.

So, this is the video I want to work on today:

Youtube: Mark Vincente and Aaron Abke: Bentinho Massaro Behind the Mask. Episode 8: May 24th 2026:

https://youtu.be/q27H8PXwEBE?si=PAWrXdsC_DzhgXkT

As will become obvious perhaps as I talk this through. I am quite a stickler when it comes to Law of One teachings. A little obsessive. 

Aarons main thing is Christianity, in his specific interpretations. He had said at one point he has read the Law of One 12 times. But for me, the Law of One IS my main thing. While I do find Christianity legitimate and it is my faith in a sense. It is secondary to the Law of One itself and mainly is a thing in my life because, on top of my own experiences. The Law of One and Carla Rueckert, seemed to encourage it.  

It is a beautiful thing having no status sometimes. As a person that is disabled. For many years I existed in a neurotic state with no self awareness. I really do not have any status. No power over anyone outside a small personal circle. No girlfriend, no career, and no internet presence aside from this blog, and an X account where most tweets don't even get a single like. 

I preface with all that because, I really think very highly of Aaron Abke. With the possible single disagreement of his veganism. But what Aaron has done here is that he has answered the questions in good faith but where he has said 'the Law of One says'. I don't know if it did say precisely that in every instance.

Unfortunately, for brevity I also am not going to quote every single passage I am using. There will likely come a day when I can do so. I have recalled many of them specifically. But not all of them right at the moment and I will likely be using a great deal of the Law of One in this post. Even searching for a quote can be exhausting because you are picking through profundity all the time.  

I should specifically point out here that Aaron is very young for his unbelievable achievements. He may not have had any time to independently come to the points I will bring in. If those are to act as a critique.  

The questions here were things like... What does the Law of One say about the service to self?

There are very specific things it said about the service to self. But of those specific things. It said little in total. The channeled work never really laid it out in any proper way that I am aware of. There is this quote, that would be relevant to what the conversation was talking about reference, "Service to others" and "Service to self":

Questioner: Can you tell me what bias creates their momentum toward the chosen path of service to self?

Ra: I am Ra. We can speak only in metaphor. Some love the light. Some love the darkness. It is a matter of the unique and infinitely various Creator choosing and playing among its experiences as a child upon a picnic. Some enjoy the picnic and find the sun beautiful, the food delicious, the games refreshing, and glow with the joy of creation. Some find the night delicious, their picnic being pain, difficulty, sufferings of others, and the examination of the perversities of nature. These enjoy a different picnic.

All these experiences are available. It is free will of each entity which chooses the form of play, the form of pleasure.

The discussion in this video also mentioned the pull of terms like 'service to others', into something like codependence. It was stated in the Law of One that if we are to pray to God we are doing the service to others thing. 

The conversation was about a dude who has apparently taken the sheen of the Law of One and become a cult leader. A kind of perverted weirdo. Who uses it a lot to try and get women into bed the whole time. 

Where I think a person could go with this in terms of definitions. Is that the Law of One does not say a lot about the service to self. In my understanding. It does not say, for instance, that they are super charming and well put together. Our contemporary literature on psychopaths does that. 

The contact said that a negative entity experiences anger in order to harvest energy out of others (46.9). That the negative entity sees everyone as inferior to it and that they should be guided by its force (50.6). This same quote in session 50 also discussed how the negative likes to form a cult. That the negative entity looks good because they use their appearance to manipulate others. (Can't quote this by memory yet!) It does talk about them forming cults in a sense. 

While it is a good beginning. I do not really think what the Law of One provides is really enough. The Law of One is a disconnected very cerebral source. The information is relevant but, it lacks with it the real gritty language and awareness which needs to be brought to bear when dealing with the negative in the real world as many of us do do. It needs some sort of instinctual understanding and some sort of first principles. The Law of One often wasn't questioned down to first principles, I don't think. 

So while yes, more needs to be said, like perhaps that they are specifically charming. The Law of One didn't necessarily say that.  

There is another place that this is also relevant. The need to have wisdom and information from outside of the Law of One to discuss the Law of One. Bentinho apparently says he is a sixth density wanderer. 

In my view, there is an entire philosophical discussion that needs to be had about how much status a person should gain from... even if they were legitimate, information they have from their past lives and/ or deeper selves. I believe several people in the world are sixth density wanderers. Does that make them perfect? No. Enlightened? Not necessarily. Immune from being a douchebag sometimes? Definitely not. 

The Wanderer becomes completely the creature of third density when they come here. That means they can be as mad as anyone else. 

There is more to say here I think is very relevant. Bentinho's output is... to me... completely incoherent. It's all just word salad that means nothing, but it is enough to fool some people with a leaning towards this material because it tends to use words like 'truth', 'forgiveness', mixed in with heavy conspiracy.

But Aaron doesn't say that. Many of the people posting on Marks videos do not either. I think this is the product of trauma. Dissociation can make anything "spiritual" and not tied to the real world sound good. What he says is that the negative carefully mixes in a tiny kernel of evil with positive spiritual stuff. 

No it doesn't. It mixes in word salad and the word salad itself is poisonous enough. Session 12.27 of the Law of One is fairly clear that 'love', is a behaviour. It is not words. I think this is a confusion in general in the spiritual community. Partly because it is heavily populated by women, and it has become homogenised to female perspectives. (That the thing women can do naturally, look after children and care for things, is the inherently most important virtue, and none others is really important). I credit this particular issue as contributing, as not the major part, to my schizophrenic break. Literally me trying to bend my spirit into a homogenised perspective where it wouldn't go. 

Most of the overly loving output of the spiritual communities is itself negatively inspired I believe. It saps the energy of fighting evildoers. One time when the group were discussing in detail Carla's 'greeting' by a negative entity. It had two targets. One was to further block her indigo chakra. Blocked from low self worth. The other was to expand the heart chakra. To overactivate her.  

I would say it is heavy and tiring even reading any of Bentinhos word salad output. At the end of the day a lot of the problems he is creating do not need a careful examination of the Law of One to explain how he is going "wrong"... or more accurately, "deceiving". The guy is a creepy nutjob and you do not need a Law of One quote to tell you that. You need common sense. 

It is like when Emory Smith told Vanilla Sky Dreaming that he had aliens landing in his garden and she believed him. It doesn't need a Law of One quote to explain what that is likely not happening. I could give you one, 61.9. But there is a certain groundedness and common sense that is just needed to function properly in life. 

And we've all been there as well. We've all been young and idealistic. Most of us that have been in the spiritual spaces. I used to follow David Wilcock. But there comes a time to 'put childish things behind us', as Aarons favourite apostle (jk) once said in the bible.  

Investigating healing.

Just a quick note.

I am personally working on this line in the Law of One. I have stopped going further in my current reading:

Questioner: We have decided to accept, if offered, the honor/duty of learning/teaching the healing process. I would ask as to the first step which we should accomplish in becoming effective healers.

Ra: I am Ra. We shall begin with the first of the three teachings/learnings.

We begin with the mental learn/teachings necessary for contact with intelligent infinity. The prerequisite of mental work is the ability to retain silence of self at a steady state when required by the self. The mind must be opened like a door. The key is silence.

Within the door lies an hierarchical construction you may liken unto geography and in some ways geometry, for the hierarchy is quite regular, bearing inner relationships.

To begin to master the concept of mental discipline it is necessary to examine the self. The polarity of your dimension must be internalized. Where you find patience within your mind you must consciously find the corresponding impatience and vice versa. Each thought that a being has, has in its turn an antithesis. The disciplines of the mind involve, first of all, identifying both those things of which you approve and those things of which you disapprove within yourself, and then balancing each and every positive and negative charge with its equal. The mind contains all things. Therefore, you must discover this completeness within yourself.

The second mental discipline is acceptance of the completeness within your consciousness. It is not for a being of polarity in the physical consciousness to pick and choose among attributes, thus building the roles that cause blockages and confusions in the already-distorted mind complex. Each acceptance smoothes part of the many distortions that the faculty you call judgment engenders.

The third discipline of the mind is a repetition of the first but with the gaze outward towards the fellow entities that it meets. In each entity there exists completeness. Thus, the ability to understand each balance is necessary. When you view patience, you are responsible for mirroring in your mental understanding, patience/impatience. When you view impatience, it is necessary for your mental configuration of understanding to be impatience/patience. We use this as a simple example. Most configurations of mind have many facets, and understanding of either self polarities, or what you would call other-self polarities, can and must be understood as subtle work.

The next step is the acceptance of the other-self polarities, which mirrors the second step.

These are the first four steps of learning mental discipline. The fifth step involves observing the geographical and geometrical relationships and ratios of the mind, the other mind, the mass mind, and the infinite mind.

The second area of learn/teaching is the study/understanding of the body complexes. It is necessary to know your body well. This is a matter of using the mind to examine how the feelings, the biases, what you would call the emotions, affect various portions of the body complex. It shall be necessary to both understand the bodily polarities and to accept them, repeating in a chemical/physical manifestation the work you have done upon the mind bethinking the consciousness.

The body is a creature of the mind’s creation. It has its biases. The biological bias must be first completely understood and then the opposite bias allowed to find full expression in understanding. Again, the process of acceptance of the body as a balanced, as well as polarized, individual may then be accomplished.

It is then the task to extend this understanding to the bodies of the other-selves whom you will meet. The simplest example of this is the understanding that each biological male is female; each biological female is male. This is a simple example. However, in almost every case wherein you are attempting the understanding of the body of self or other-self, you will again find that the most subtle discernment is necessary in order to fully grasp the polarity complexes involved.

At this time we would suggest closing the description until the next time of work so that we may devote time to the third area commensurate with its importance.

We can answer a query if it is a short one before we leave this instrument.

A damn long quote. The only relevant bit is the first two parts. The first part is to be able to keep the mind clear... So... regular meditation. I am now doing regular meditation and aiming for 21 days.  

The part following has that you need to identify parts of yourself. Like, where you have anger, you find it's opposite... What is the opposite of anger? I don't know. Passivity?

This is an area I have not previously been that interested in. So I have a lot of stuff to figure out, even if only to investigate. I do have a book on this area. First, before we even get there. I need to identify the different emotions. This is a common therapeutic technique and language. The idea is that a lot of people can't identify their emotions as they have a lack of ways to describe them. Therapy ideas in this area give people a huge list of emotions to choose from. 

It might end up that, as I thought before. I am just not suited to healing in general. It might end up that I have to get back to music, philosophy, and the types of things I talk about here. The Law of One says clearly in session 4 that healing is only one distortion of the Law of One. Assumedly that means that not everyone is 'distorted' in that particular direction.

Reflection on some human design transits.

I want to write a blog today. But if I am honest with myself. I am probably too low energy to write a blog. I am compelled to go to the gym. But the huge amount of highly fatty foods I have been eating to sustain it. Constant bacon and sausages. Means that my liver is struggling a bit I think. Will have to finally stop going to the gym for a little while. Even though I love it and feel compelled often. Just so I can eat a few vegetables. 

The combination of the gym and meditation feels like the golden thing for me though. Both of those things get rid of a lot of the crappy thoughts I have. The gym via just exercising out a lot of tensions and wearing me out too much to think much about sexuality. Meditation, by raising me up and making me feel a little above all the crappy concerns that sometimes bother me. I feel intuitively far more comfortable with thoughts that I identify as being difficult for me. 

A few things I want to say. Several articles I think and I don't have the energy to write it all now. I will have to try and choose only a few things. I might be able to get to each thing by being brief. 

The first, is that I had an insight based on the human design transits the other day. That stuff is all constantly whirring for me. When Venus was in 18.4 and Mars was in 15.4.

The Venus thing potentially correlates with me stopping porn. As I talked about recently. Or, I stopped it rather, when the Online Safety Act came in. But I mentioned it having an effect on my psyche. My conscious Neptune in the human design reads:

"A genius for perverse stimulation that afflicts oneself and others by promoting degeneracy and reducing joy to indulgence and decadence. The energy which fuels the drive for perverse stimulation". 

One of the gates I still wonder about. A thing I have done in the past that matches this quite exactly is that I can write erotic fiction that is dark. Nasty stuff. (Obviously it is the kind of porn I would choose, but the porn I would watch is never nearly as bad. The reddit stories are though sometimes! It's all stuff to do with adults) But without a female partner, or indeed anybody, to talk these things over with. It has not gone anywhere. I don't want to be a pervert that makes sick stories that everyone is frightened of and thinks is weird. I would need to confirm some of these things do turn on other people. Nevertheless, the 58 links to the gate 18.

I have often wondered if this is the right thing. If I am meant to hold that perverse sexual energy or if that is not what the line refers to? If that is not self in some manner? In the blog the other day, I was talking about how the way David Wilcock talked about conspiracy and linked it all to the Law of One, was a perversion of those more spiritual drives. Perhaps this kind of thing is more what the line in Neptune is talking about? This also links specifically to Neptune. But it also is more of an insight than an active, energetic... perversion. A placement in a chart seems more than a single insight. It should be working everyday.

Looking up the 58.2 before I wrote this and predictably. In the modern spiritual trend of toxic positivity. They have changed the definition to mean something else completely. Even though Ra Uru Hu specifically said this is what it means and gave examples.  

Mars in the gate 15.4. Mars seems to be linked to the insights I get by going to the gym. It also was strongly correlated with the kind of bullying I used to get in an office job. There was a time in my life where astrology was just so precise. (This is an interesting connection. Mars being both the bullying and the cleansing of a lot of those stuff as I go to the gym!)

Gate 15 refers to someone in my life that has this gate partly. Which I would have insights about when I went to the gym doing weights. This was an unsolved issue. When I was doing the gym and Mars was between 15.1 - 3 I had insights about that person specifically. When it got to the 4th line it suddenly Universalised. I do think the gate 4, the heart chakra or G Self. Is very linked to 'Universalisation'. 

And Universalisation I realise, is a very, very, important and powerful thing. I got this from Stefan Molyneux and it is one of the first principles of his 'Universally Preferable Behaviour'.

Universality basically means that if we experience reality in one area, our brain automatically applies it to everything. So the example in child psychology is that if a child is shown a tree. They automatically know what a tree is in every part of the world. 

This, it seems to me, is a huge part of why karma is real. But explained not with any metaphysical or even reference to physical laws. Explained through purely secular and verifiable means. 

If everything we do starts to be applied universally. Then people that take on bizarre behaviours. This has to universalise to their other relationships.

A lot of different examples of this. I find it noticeable sometimes how much of a solid behaviour jealousy is. You can give more information to people about the person they are jealous of. But the jealousy remains. You can explain that if they were to have put the same time into gaining the same thing. They would not have the things in their life they do love. 

It changes nothing. There was a time when I thought it would. But it really doesn't. A person who is jealous is trapped with the jealousy it seems. Or they are unwilling to see outside of it. 

For me, the Law of One makes jealousy very difficult as it shows very strongly how we are simply so unique we cannot have what the other has. 

There are other examples though. Imagine a girl that has a lot of attention in her twenties. Who starts to deal with every single relationship as one of transactions. Of carefully managing the men in her life for maximum exploitation. If a relationship comes up this model is not suitable for. Say a family one. Isn't it likely she will still use this kind of mechanism in dealing with 'the other'?

It would go the same for male pick up artists. Those techniques they use. They start off being used on women. I see them almost daily on my X feed. Things like not tolerating the excuses that women have to not sleep with a guy on the first date. Dropping them if they are too annoying. Loads of techniques like not being too needy or sending multiple texts.

It is very unlikely to me that this same set of behaviours won't then be used on other men in their lives eventually. How many years of using these patterns on women does it take for a person to just start reflexively using them in their lives? Like, when a woman does x, you apply pressure in y way. Perhaps this would not happen when a person has their full energy to think about things. "This is a guy, he will not respond the same way". Or even "I wouldn't want him to respond in the same way, I don't need this guy desperate to be with me". But life is a big complex affair that we rarely have our full energy to apply. 

Wouldn't it make sense these things would also be applied to male friends and family? Work colleagues? A lot of the people it was never intended for? After ten years, say, of using these same techniques on women all the time?

These are two small examples of behaviours that are just a bit off. There is nothing massively wrong with these two. The guys with the hot chick will have to realise she is wasting their time. The girls of the player. Well, they know what they are getting. Or at least they were told. The players don't lie usually. 

But even these two examples of things that all happen within consentual dynamics could create REAL problems for the people involved. While the society is so dysfunctional people aren't really getting the result of their actions. But even in the society as it is. Every so often these types of people will run up against people that are more powerful than them. More intelligent. Or even, by alienating the good people, they will find themselves in the jaws of a more dangerous person. As the women that alienate the nice guys and end up with a narcissist since he's the only one that will pursue past her entitled personality. 

This same concept I'm sure, can be applied to more serious ethical breaches. Not in a way I really know of. The examples that I used earlier on when I was trying to show that not all people that behave unethically are poor little souls that need to be looked after, as the left believes. The example I used was women doing cheating and making it as cruel as possible. No one is making anyone else cheat. You can have a bad relationship maybe - I would say that a man whose wife refuses to sleep with him, thus forcing him into celibacy. There is some case that can be made there I think. But the situations they are describing are not that. They are doing unethical things, because it turns them on. The motivating force is sexual satisfaction.  

In those instances, again, I have not consciously known people that have done this. And been close enough to see how the behaviour and mindset 'universalises' into their lives. But I am pretty sure, that from this theory. This does indeed happen. 

So those are some thoughts. Like I said this was with Mars in gate 15.4 and Venus in gate 18.4. Having a few thoughts on transits. I have noticed 4th line influences do immediately turn an insight from specific to an individual to suddenly relevant more universally. 5th line days carry a kind of anger and a kind of desire to push against power. But also a kind of clear breath and insight... 5 is the line of the throat chakra. 

6th line, I don't really know. Perhaps the entire perspective? The spiritualising of it? As I write this now. Mars is in 15.6 and Venus is in 18.6.

Anyway, that's all I have for today. I have some updated thoughts on Session 5.2. and thinking it through that I didn't get to. 

The primacy of meditation.

Video for today:

Youtube: Brandon Clark: I can't take it anymore. August 12th 2026:

https://youtu.be/L3asM4iiBDo?si=Mm-kl0SFRSNjddVo

I put a comment on this persons video. But it was a comment about how I had also avoided 'victim mindset' by being appreciative of things. Which is something I am working on. Rather than looking back on my past and regretting my health conditions preventing me from socialising and getting established. I thought perhaps I should appreciate that they lead me to spend loads of time thinking through this kind of stuff. 

But, it is not of the mindset of the kinds of people that make or view that video and the comment just sat there with no likes. So I deleted it. I often delete comments recently. 

As a summary then. This guy is talking about how he coaches a lot of guys. And a lot of guys have what he calls a "victim mindset". In that they keep making excuses for why they couldn't exercise. Things like 'I was travelling and couldn't work out'. But he has given his clients body weight exercises to do when you can't go to the gym. Things like that.

I do not struggle with disciplining myself to go to the gym. The reason being, is that when you are ill and unemployed; you have to invest a lot in leisure. So actually doing things constructive becomes the novelty. I know it sounds bad. But I have been very ill in the past. I am getting better now. But that is the reality of the situation. When you have periods where you cannot do anything. Like, you CANNOT do anything constructive, because of illness. What you do in the day for leisure kind of becomes the 'main event'. Since the illness is causing stress, kind of like how a job would. So you need mental time off from that as well.

Plus, for whatever reason it is. I don't struggle with motivation to get to the gym. Perhaps it is high stress levels which only the gym seems able to meet. 

But there is one area where I do struggle to motivate myself. And one extremely important area for my life...

Meditation. 

One of the things that has stopped me a few times is exhaustion. Like, after surgery. But even that is not a great excuse. I find prayer to be exhausting sometimes. I don't have the energy for it if I have been in a particularly hard workout or something. But meditation... It isn't actually a huge energy expenditure. I just don't do it because I don't want to do it. Outside the times when I do. 

The psychological effect of meditation I have found to be so unbelievably powerful. A distinct change towards a positive frame of mind. A distinct change to less of any kind of victim mindset. A slight but significant increase in intuition. That really mounts up. Just making very decision 10% better.

In effect. The world when I meditate vs. the world when I don't meditate is a functionally different place. So if I have the option of two different world views. One is the meditation world view. One is the normal world view... Which should I choose?

Obviously the former. To this end I am trying to figure out what would increase my likelihood at regularly meditating. I think, doing it at the same time everyday would help. So that is what I plan to do.  

Eclipse post. (Nietzsche, Creative Work, Communion).

Todays eclipse:

Eclipses were always a big part of my experience of astrology. In about 2017, for a period of a few years. Every time there was an eclipse. Often, down to the day, there would be something really powerful happening in my life. A kind of turning point. An important decision. 

More recently this has not been so obvious. Although, I have had an insight that I need to be less 'specific' about it. Rather than going into the technicals, thinking of it like a "Leo eclipse", might be helpful. Think of it generally in the terms that are relevant to Leo. 

I am in the UK where this can be seen. I have been near a landmark where easily a thousand people were gathered. And that is only one of them. Not even the beach, which would have been way more busy. People really like the eclipse obviously. I wonder if astrology has something to do that? Something deep, ancestral and unconscious? Or they just... like the eclipse?

For me, I suspect this has to do with my recent investigation of philosophy. Specifically Nietzsche. 

I already feel like I am getting insights and I have hardly touched the book. Nietzsche believed that peoples instinct, even philosophers. Was not towards truth itself. That it was their life force and a 'will to power' that simply takes what it can to increase it's power. If that is truth or lack of truth.

An insight from the Law of One.  

Nietzsche makes the point (in my understanding) that we cannot technically follow a 'non truth'. Because it doesn't exist. It would be a feature of madness. 

This has a lot of interesting implications. In the early parts of the Law of One, in the introduction. There is an interesting quote that might relate to this:

We have watched your group. We have been called to your group, for you have a need for the diversity of experiences in channeling which go with a more intensive, or as you might call it, advanced approach to the system of studying the patterns of the illusions of your body, your mind, and your spirit, which you call seeking the truth. We hope to offer you a somewhat different slant upon the information which is always and ever the same. 

So what we think we are doing is 'seeking the truth'. But what we are actually doing is 'studying the patterns of illusions of your body, mind and spirit'.

It's an interesting way to deconstruct how we see things. Truth is a concept that is hard to define for me. I don't take a super objective approach. To define truth something like 'that which we can confirm with our senses'. Omits a lot of very subjective things that people believe and feel are true. 

Where this is going is that it makes me redefine myself. How I perceive myself and such. If I look at myself as not seeking the truth, which is how I saw myself. But as of finding things like the Law of One as part of my 'will to power'. It starts to deconstruct everything. It justifies not paying attention to 'transcient' information. The pull of that is that it is 'seeking truth'. It also allows me to legitimately analyse others motives along those lines. I have always seen this in other people. But until I have considered it my own motivation, I won't properly see this in others, I don't think. 

This has one further potential application. 

I have struggled recently with an annoying little "side thing" in figuring things out. Recently, I stopped Communion for a while. It was terrible. I was very much weakened in my body. Dissociated. Didn't really enjoy the gym. But I did get one thing. My feelings were powerful and raw. I was able to do something that is really important to me. I was able to write a new song. 

It really just flowed. I love the song. It had both the overriding rhyming scheme and several other rhyming schemes within the verses. Music, as far as I was aware, is something that is really important for me. Perhaps my 'reason for being'. 

The effect of Communion. 

But like I say, when I do Communion, I can't make those sorts of songs. I haven't made those sorts of songs for years now. But my body is a LOT stronger. I am motivated to go to the gym a lot. I am also not subject to demonic hallucinatory like things. Dissociation. It is not a reasonable option whether to do the Communion or not. I have decided I am doing it. But the music addition is interesting. (I do a lot more skill based stuff with the Communion. Scales etc.)

But, with this 'will to power' thing I think I can understand a bit of the psychology here. When I play music. I do not feel like I get a lot of choice in what to write. I can struggle to do that. I can write poems and such. But the real music comes when I am playing and just fits. Often saying something insightful that I didn't even realise myself. 

I think I have mythologised that. In my view internally when I play songs I am playing the truth or channeling in some manner. But, the truth might be is that when I am creating a song. I am simply creating a song, and I grab anything, subconsciously, in order to create it. 

This starts to give me an understanding of what the mechanism is. When I am not taking the Communion. I am happy to write the song with my existing feelings. And this is not, contrary to what I thought. Any kind of 'channeling'. But simply a relationship with my subconscious mind.

When I take the Communion though. My outlook is changed. Part of me is no longer satisfied with the kind of songs I am making in that space. The last one was an open admission of my anger at women. With the Communion. The focus is more on taking that kind of anger to the gym and transmuting it. 

Reflection on the red pill.

When I was close to the people doing watching the eclipse today. I looked into their cars and it was just normal people. But a whole lot of couples. I realise, that me in my insular life. Looks at things very differently than a lot of the world. Most people out there, still have what is a normal ish life. They go out with their partner. They go out with groups of friends. They do all the 'normal' things.

The world from the statistics of the red pill doesn't look like that. So many videos about 'men walking away' just isn't reflected in the real world. 

I have had a fair few times when some real world information has made me doubt some part of it. One time was talking to a woman about her past and realising, that information I got from the red pill was not represented. She had dated all sorts of nutters. She was not going exclusively for 'Chad'. It was a strong, emotional, sensation, that still sticks with me.

Another was working at a place with a bunch of young women and they were all settling down and a lot of them getting married. I did not see any of the crazy party twenties the red pill tells you to expect.

Not that I have not seen exactly what the red pill predicts. But there is something wrong somewhere here with the model.  

To link this to what I was saying then. It could be that when I take the Communion. I am no longer happy with creating music from the substance that is my life. Perhaps because it would not be correct in some manner. But there is every chance that after the spiritual tools I used have actually palpably improved my life. I will have a different set of information to draw from.

Or none of this is right and I am just trying to understand Nietzsche, and adding up stuff which doesn't quite connect!  

On healing.

I had a long blog planned on the subject of porn. Since the UK government has put in the Online Safety Act. I have not watched it. I do not want to give the government my info to watch porn and I don't want to use a VPN. I don't care enough about porn to look for it under these circumstances.

It seems to have changed my thoughts and mindset significantly. I really saw nothing wrong with it before. Like, I really didn't. Especially because I am chronically single with not a lot of chance of getting into a sexual relationship. When people discuss porn it is always framed in a certain way. It is often framed by women that men have this super objectifying sense towards women if they watch porn. 

But, being women, I don't think they have any particular clue what it does. For me, it has seemed to have done the opposite. I have become distinctly less positive towards women since stopping porn. I have gotten over a kind of feeling that women are super cute and lovely, and have become more of what feels 'objective' about them. Most of the workplaces I have been at. The messages I have sent with a few small exceptions. Women have treated me in a very unpleasant manner, and it feels like I should emotionally acknowledge that. Or that I simply have on some level. 

But, like I said, something else has come in to interfere with my natural thought process today. 

I am reading the Law of One properly this time. I have read it twice recently. But I am reading it as to make careful notes on it. It is a way of reading that I would like to use a lot. You can't do that with fiction. Or, at least, it doesn't seem logical to. But philosophy, science, psychology. To retain the information and make it go deep, those kinds of notes are very useful. When you make notes you can link the information to things you already know or believe. 

Reading it properly though. Making notes. Considering things. Deepens the understanding and depth of the material. We all have a kind of Dunning Kruger I think where when we first see things we underestimate their complexity. This is true of philosophy. People just think they have perfect moral reasoning because they exist. But when you go into philosophy, (which is one of the highest IQ majors), you start to feel your brain rewiring. You realise that life itself is more complicated than you assumed. 

As it is with the Law of One. There is so much of it that is kind of easy. That just sounds basic. Like 'One Infinite Creator'. That could have been written by a person. But the more you go into it. The more "alien" it becomes. The more you re read things and realise they are significant. Even though you might have skimmed them before. Some things, like this, are just so utterly alien that I don't know where to being with it:

To begin to master the concept of mental discipline it is necessary to examine the self. The polarity of your dimension must be internalized. Where you find patience within your mind you must consciously find the corresponding impatience and vice versa. Each thought that a being has, has in its turn an antithesis. The disciplines of the mind involve, first of all, identifying both those things of which you approve and those things of which you disapprove within yourself, and then balancing each and every positive and negative charge with its equal. The mind contains all things. Therefore, you must discover this completeness within yourself.

This is from session 5.2.

No idea where to go with this. But I have talked before about not being able to find ways of healing. This is a different healing than most of them. It is not energy healing or working with nutrition. Or any of the usual healing methods. So perhaps it offers some light in the improving of health?

The exhausting game of spiritual teachings.

Writing another post, the last one was just a few hours ago.

I have been writing a lot slower for a while. Perhaps I am making up for that. Also, the sun is out, and it unbalances my medical condition. I have already had inconveniences. That combined with collapse at the gym at roughly the same time means this week will probably be spent doing very little so that means, I will likely prioritise spirituality a great deal this week. With spirituality comes the outlet of said spirituality in the form of this blog. I have trouble at about 26 degrees. It will be 31 later this week. 

Youtube: Melissa Dougherty: Bizarre Channeled Spirits, Jesus & Truth: May 6th 2025:

https://youtu.be/StGJwBNybjo?si=zP-ycDpD9xQeMevv

To me, this is an extremely annoying and incoherent video. Perhaps that is not the fault of the woman making it. Perhaps it is. 

The first part that is annoying. Not wrong necessarily. Is her characterisation of new age teaching, including the Law of One. There is a problem I have started to perceive out there in the world. That is, that nobody is really teaching the Law of One, what I would consider... "properly". When I say properly, I do not mean like the people at llresearch where if you bring up an argument against forgiveness without contrition. Reference session 34.6, and things like the Law of Free Will. They ignore you. Just ignore you. Don't engage with the material. 

This is not a person that can teach the material then. 

I have searched far and wide for teachers in this area. Probably not that far and wide since I would prefer to just read the book. But I remember going through llresearch's links page and finding a few people. The last one I went on there was an article something like: "Charlie Kirks subtle and dangerous demonisation of minorities". 

The Law of One reddit was practically orgasmic when Charlie was shot. Not the main people perhaps. And everyone can go on a reddit sub. But I thought that was interesting all the same. There was no one defending Charlie. There were pro him getting shot and neutral. So Llresearch attracts leftists clearly. 

Aaron Abke isn't much of an exception to this in my view. Firstly, Aaron doesn't actually teach the Law of One, not at all. He teaches veganism, and the Law of One did not support that. He is quoted in this video talking about having to 'destroy the ego' and all that:

Questioner: Can you tell me how you balance the ego?

Ra: I am Ra. We cannot work with this concept as it is misapplied and understanding cannot come from it.

The problem with the Law of One is that NO ONE is getting it right. Llresearch teaches forgiveness without contrition. I have found enough Q'uo readings, and got enough refusal to discuss the issue from the people there to know that. There are many other points they would not like to be challenged on. Many things they just stop speaking if you bring up the subject. 

So yes, Melissa summarises what she thinks new age beliefs are in this area and gets it wrong. Is that her fault? or is it because no one is coherently teaching it? Aaron is teaching what he believes, not what the Law of One teaches. At least, not exactly. 

Another issue I have with her video is that there are really a lot of claims in Aaron Abke's works. Like, videos and videos of them. That she goes nowhere near addressing. I suppose you can't do that in a one hour video. But the points she replaced these with were not particularly compelling.

For instance, one thing Aaron talks about is that when Paul met Jesus on the road to Damascus. What he claims was Jesus. When Paul had his vision. He was blinded by Jesus. Does that sound like Jesus? Jesus was a healer of the sick and the blind in many cases. Does it seem like Jesus would do that?

Also, in one of the biblical books. A woman possessed by a demon followed Paul and two friends for three days espousing the greatness of Pauls message. 

I am not saying these things are correct. I have myself not been able to go all the way with Aarons teachings. As I have talked about recently. But to push back against a spiritual teacher. Does it not seem at least polite to push back on his technical points? Aaron has laid out a powerful and highly technical argument. Does it seem fair. Does it seem 'good faith'. To just ignore all those points and then write a video repeating the mainstream Christian points with only one biblical quote?

Anyway, it did suddenly make me wonder what I thought of all this? Where I put myself if any of these incredibly mind numbing points were to come up in conversation.  

For anyone here that followed me due to the Law of One and has any loyalty to its material. I think you would likely share my understanding that Carla being so incredibly Christian has leant credence to Christianity and perhaps set her up as an idol in that manner? Also, it seems to have been given a subtle nod by the contact itself. As though looking at the books beckons you on the path of Christianity. When I found it I was an atheist. 

Carla, had faith, real faith. Carla used her faith to get through the whole thing with daily arthritis. But... well I don't have that same faith. My faith, my ideas and thoughts and things, come with a lot of questions. 

For me, it is all more of a trial and error thing. I pray, it works well, stop praying, get ill. I do communion, it works well, stop communion. Get ill. Have a whole spiritual crisis and dissociation. 

When I had a serious schizophrenic break (as serious as it gets!) I felt my mind unravelling, and I felt 'Jesus' holding me together after I prayed to him. So it feels a little dishonest to not identify myself as at least 'kind of' Christian. 

This same thing works with all the things I currently use. Meditation. Dream Interpretation etc.  

But even engaging with any of these people simply sounds so completely exhausting! The bible is one book that has had many different political events surrounding it. It has been copied and screwed with many times. I just... find it very unsatisfying to even look at it that much. For me, it was convincing that Paul was the one that started off Communion and it wasn't necessarily a Jesus thing. I tried to stop Communion, and it did not go well at all! So trying to understand the bible and its meaning. While everything practically useful comes from the Law of One itself! 

It's honestly all just so exhausting.

I also wanted to end with a little joke as well. This women defines truth at the end as something that is objective. Like, the sky is blue because we can see its blue kind of thing. This is a person that believes that a mythical figure from the distant past takes away all her sin if she does something wrong. That that figure actually experiences her sin. Or did in one powerful moment about 2000 years ago. 

That is just not objective at all.