Experimenting with healing ideas.

I feel... Fantastic. I have gone to a class on stretching at my gym. Although it was less stretching really as 'resistance training'. I really need quite an involved exercise program to improve from my current state. Not just weights, stretching as well, and other lifestyle changes. 

I talked recently about Session 5.2. in the Law of One. I have had two recent experiences in wondering how to access the emotions that it talks about. One of them that did not feel particularly authentic and relevant. But I will not be discouraged that easily. The second felt like it was very powerful. 

The first was, I have not been able to seriously get to the investigation of emotion yet, I am reading a book on it. But I did get an insight or thought about the area. The first stage of session 5.2. is being able to quieten the mind, and I have meditated six days in a row now. 

I had an insight that if the example the Law of One gave was that where you have patience, you should find your impatience. So find the negative part even if it feels like you are kind of OK. 

I have not felt jealousy to my memory. I don't know what the opposite of jealousy is. Detachment? It feels like I don't process or have interest in other people enough to have jealousy. Even if they have things that are desireable. 

But since thinking this kind of thing I have kind of got an intuitive jealousy. I felt a little jealous reading Neitzsche and feeling like he is a genius. A genius in a way I am not. 

While, that seems like a good result... technically. It doesn't feel interesting or real. To find the completeness in myself is to be able to understand jealousy. But I feel like it is a very false sense of jealousy. Like a thought wearing the clothes of a feeling. 

Another place though I did feel legitimate emotions. I have struggled with my music for a while. I play guitar and like making songs that seem to arrive intuitively. Often it is a bit like channeling in a sense. The words kind of say things that are quite insightful. That rhyme well. That I do not feel like I personally made up. 

As a small aside. While I did at one time think I was kind of channeling. Like the music was from some unquestionable place. My insight from Neitzsche though is that the will to power working through someone isn't necessarily grasping at pure truth to channel it through me. It is grasping anything it can to make a good song!

But anyway, back to what I was saying. Discovering emotions and such. Working with them. I have mentioned before how the Communion seems to be directing me towards gaining skill and less towards actually making the music. 

What I realised when I started to make a song. Was that the emotion contained in creating a song is like a river. The theme was based on the betrayal I feel via people like Nigel Farage. People that have betrayed the cause. I was once going to make that same song over David Wilcock and got an intuition not to. It was only later I realised why this is. David Wilcock was not a predator. He was a mentally unwell man. 

The amount of emotion involved in actually making songs feels like it would derail the rest of my life. But holding that ability within the general life architecture of guitar skills might give it the appropriate vessel to not overwhelm me.

There are additional points here I can make in my examination of healing in general. Starting, as the Law of One does, with the mind and understanding of emotions. For the moment, that's all I have to say.