I can't.

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I can't produce my own energy.
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This is how a lot of people no doubt feel. This is the human condition. I know of very few people whom I think are definitely producing their own energy.
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It goes a little into manifestation etc. This argument. I know two people, I suspect they are a couple. One of them is an Aquarius and one of them is a 5D girl.
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If they are a couple, although one of them would then be said to be lying to me about that fact, then that essentially proves my point. (Every single part of the story.)
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Anyway, recently I decided not to phone the guy on his birthday, Feb 9th. Then I met a girl who had the same birthday and another whom is 5D and we had great chemistry. So, combine this with the fact that I am not meditating, I am not able to meditate. Brings me to the fact I am not producing my own energy.
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I am essentially in STS. When something is manifested into my life it is the result of someone elses agenda. Both those people want me to forget about the original 5D girl and move on, perhaps with another girl. This energy is part of their agenda, it is not mine.
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Having my energy aggressively taken like that has been a painful process. I cannot meditate because I get feelings of the original 5D girl. I cannot meditate because to access my own energy is too much of a problem.
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This was of course why I wanted the photo of Don, to start to bring my own energy back. I feel very bad, like I am not going to survive. Like I can't function. This has gotten pretty bad and the fact that day after day roles on and David Wilcocks ideas produce nothing in the real world does not help.
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I can also not meditate because I know that if I say anything about certain areas I will probably be locked up. I can't meditate because I receive a psychic greeting that seems to lock me 'in my head' with a feeling of dread attached.
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I can't see how this can possibly get any better. There doesn't seem to be any way. Perhaps if I feel like this and continue on then they as a reflection of me, would collapse or have a hard time in some way. But that is kind of thin, they have out STS'd me all the way so far.
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So, I'll do the only thing I can do, keep going through the pain and try and use my intuition to the limited extent that I can. I keep losing polarity and, there are very STO forces around, but I keep on losing battles to other people with their own agenda. In order: A) The two I have outlined, first the original situation B) then not being able to busk and gain credibility as a musician. Although to be fair I did some good things here C) them keeping the lie going and me obviously having less power. D) Then came trying to get the photo from Jim E) Then came feeling suicidal and smashing my guitar F) Then came trying to deal with self- centred bring4th members G) Then bring4th as an organisation. H) Then trying to get my music off the ground at open mic I) Then came being treated badly by the moderators at astro.com and having my ideas stamped on by some woman.
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And at the same time although I forget when, Carla decided to treat me like crap as well. She's one of those I'd most like to get back, since my problem with them has stretched back for years.
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Each of these battles I have lost. Each time I have lost polarity and it doesn't seem to me that there is any happy ending here. How can I polarise positively simply SURROUNDED by service to self forces. It's like that excerpt in session 69 where it says; that a positive entity in negative space must learn/ teach, the lessons of service to self. That is a bit harsh considering the depth of evil that entity faces compared with the far lesser evil I face. (Although I fully expect that bring4th would let me go over the cliff rather than bring up those photos, although nowhere near any real negative polarity, that's unpolarised).
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However, as a basic principle that still stands. And that that piece of Law of One material has been put into a Chilean miners symbology that seems to link directly to me is kind of strange. Plus we have this symbology of Isis. Which could have something to do with it all.
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Regardless, push on and hope that something will come through. I'm relying on the environment now because I'm all out chuffed. I believe the current transit is Mars conjunct Uranus Trine Jupiter. Uranus is to do with revolutionary ideas and is on my Ascendant. Jupiter is next to my sun. There is an aggressive feeling also around the revolutionary ideas such as DW's. Which is getting to the 'core' of my being. Mars will eventually pass into the first house and no doubt I will continue to feel terrible about not being able to enforce my 'will'.
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But that does describe it. I don't see how I can go through any sort of healing that stops me seeing the world through the perspective of 'pain'. Which is what was said about Alistair Crowley.
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But how the DW info relates to all of this in that if the revolution happened soon, which of course it won't, but if it did, I would have money, independence, and access to people and information that can actually engage with me in relation to these problems. Symbolically, Isis will simply come down. All the young girls, symbolically all the people taken in by bullshit adaptions of teachings. Will be able to move out of these vibrations. Yes, that makes sense, that is good.