Wow.

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I'm surprised.
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Life has seemed to shift against me in its patterns. I can't see a way to make things better. I am hemmed in.
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What has been interesting to me is that, I used to have an inheritance, while I had this I had something to fall back on. But now that I don't if I run out of a blood-sugar machine I run out. I just get ill.
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Basically I'm being trained by the world to fit in and do that bullshit it wants me to.
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What is interesting though is how difficult to fight my situation is. Partly because of 'polarity'. Every time I go for a job. I put so much effort in. At some point I know I haven't got it, and my psychic skills are very, very strongly communicating with me. Now that I am having to fight and use my perceptiveness because my survival is less assured.
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The person I live with, my mother, was absolutely fine when I had this inherited money and was doing things for her day in and day out. I used to walk the dog with her, do the washing and shopping all the time, etc. To the extent that I kind of lost my sense of individuality since she would very often turn up when all my chores were done and insist that I stop doing my music and do something for her. Go for a walk or go next door and get milk (which would often break my flow even when I didn't go).
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Now I don't have that money though. And I am very, very anxious a lot. She doesn't want someone in the house that isn't contributing and holds every single mistake I make as a debt. So I forgot important documents for a job interview. Had to come home for a taxi. And this is remembered later in the day.
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I have so many fears picked up from the LoO. I feared for instance that since I have rejected STO at some point I will not have the opportunity for it anymore (the thing dropping my STO polarity, i.e. making me feel low and not able to function. Is the STS pushing me into things I don't want to do. Such as applying for jobs that I can't get because I don't on a deep level want them, and suffering the emotional and spiritual consequences for an action I didn't decide.). Horrible things happen all the time to people on this planet. I can't be sure if I don't do the right thing I won't get some horrible disease.
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I do know however, that people won't be able to take much more pain. Like, there is a limit and we are close to it. People are clearly not fighting. Why not? I don't have any answers. We don't have any fluoride in the water in so that isn't it. I don't have any answers as to why people aren't fighting. If I try something people can't respond.
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Perhaps it is propaganda. The atheist and neo- liberal paradigm are very effective at sterilising people. Everyone thinks they're superior and the results of other peoples problems are their own weakness. Or love is the only way and nothing should be done about atrocities done on your doorstep.
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Wow, I love England!