It was my fault as well.

And I'm just realising that.
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I arranged a date with her and cancelled and this is what she was really angry about. (All that time ago)
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I thought to arrange another one with her over this crop circle thing but I bottled out. I had this vision of her giving a blow job to another guy on the phone while I was talking to her and I experience this fear that my love will be twisted against me in some way.
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So it WAS me that also did as bad, and me that doesn't have the courage to ask her out. However, she did explicitly tell me she didn't want me phoning her back. These things are always equal. I am responsible for not asking and she could be responsible for rather than saying 'don't phone me back', something more positive along the lines of 'only talk to me if you have something positive to say'.
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Anyway, does this help anything. It helps me stay afloat energy wise but it doesn't really help anything in practical terms. It reveals to me that I am afraid of her lack of conscience and the trust is gone.