- When I volunteer now I am in a warehouse like setting, a kind of 'hopeless' environment.
- I am losing all contact with everybody who is getting sick of me in my currently sick state, if I ask for help they cannot help me.
- I am doing less and less, I don't enjoy movies or anything really.
- I cannot talk to people about my problems anymore. Samaritans is stopping and people are sick of me and will not talk to me.
- Not really keeping these blogs going with new info.
This is also happening with the girl. I could tell when I talked to her last. It was definitely not positively polarised and it definitely wasn't negatively polarised. It was in the dead centre.
My thoughts is that I need to be negatively polarised a little to get a disease. I could easily just fall into a place where there is no hope.
I could force myself into negative polarity and live a life without this girl always denying my real feelings of being in love with her and having to supress and manipulate more and more.