(I feel this post is a little 'raw' and it should not be taken as being correct per- sey. It is an expression of my energies and how I am attempting to deal with them. I am working with a complex and seemingly a little 'inhuman' thought process.)
I am going to continue with my story of the predicament I find myself in.
There seems to me quite a lot less viewers as of later. :(. Not much I can do about that really.
Regardless. I have been getting pains on my shoulder, I hope this will be a record of the hell that I have been through, not hell though really, not in relation to Greece, or Illuminatus'. The 'very mild discomfort'. That has nevertheless been terrifying enough to drive me to a suicide attempt. Not specifically this bit of it.
After I experienced a seperation and hatred from this girl that I had outlined, I have had the STRONG feeling that a friend of mine was dating her. Not only have I felt that, but have been PSYCHICALLY DRAWN TO CALLING HIM, through a process that is definitely psychic that I won't outline. But is definitely psychic.
When I do, I have had a certain version of the truth, backed up by positive entities within me, he has denied that truth and said other things. I feel when I talked to him that there is an overlay of the conversation that is happening and a symbolic one coming through his speaking and mine, and explaining another one.
What it all comes down to is my '5th density self', the part in David Wilcock that Carla challenged and disapproved of. The part that puts information together in an organic tapestry and finds out truths the service to self hates with a passion. This fifth density self, the thing that understands David Wilcock and the stock market, and understands the karmic patterns behind events (like I am currently describing) and the truth of the emotions of my feelings for this girl and how these link up with other information. This is what he viciously hates in me and my conversations with him, the last one, simply became a hate fest on his behalf, where he dogmatically told me not to support the political party I am very supportive of and told me I should have voted for someone else. And condescended to me as inferior in my views of world politics and spiritual beliefs.
My conscious personality does not want to call this person again, but because of the patterns I am loath to have to 'obey' I will contact him. I have been feeling bad that from an energetic POV, the responsibility is on me to contact and start the karma off.
I am afraid, this has been quite an STS relation so far, there is no way to unhook it and make it STO until a certain level of 'truth' is acknowledged in the 'real world' IMO. I won't describe the catalyst that makes me believe I should contact him but I will describe the part of the LoO I think this relates to. In session 69 the wanderer in the vicinity of the negative had to engage with the negative because of the higher selfs understanding that the Creator desires experience.
I'll phone him and try and engage in a normal conversation and ask him pointedly if he thinks there is still any way for us to get on. I will attempt best I can to explain my perspective but he will probably shout it down and consider it beneath his 'superior' self to attempt to engage with.
It of course partly goes back to the girl I originally had a problem with, her emotions/ forgiveness or love are a part of it, part of this death wheel of karma. A metaphor does not come to mind for the unlikeliness of any positivity from her, or ability to handle the situation as it really is.
(I did think of one, 'blood out of a stone'. Which with my thinking process I have calculated the odds to be probably lower than this girl changing her mind, or of this girl getting struck by lightning, or of me and this girl getting struck by lightning and both seperately winning the lottery on the same day.)
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