Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Flagrant self use.

Whatever spirits and guidance is still with me. Trying to express itself even though everything is as blocked as it is.

This is how I see the situation. I wanted to talk this over on the phone with her today but having been treated like some sort of piece of shit at the bottom of her shoe for a long time now, my courage is wanting in phoning. (Also my mobile is blocked).

Therefore, I'm going to summarise my whole situation. Because it won't rest inside me.

  • We met, it was not quite notable actually, I liked her, she appeared to like me, I didn't think too much of it.
  • We had VERY good chemistry, even talked openly about chemistry and sexuality etc.
  • I felt a bit of guidance and was getting confused over it, but essentially my connection with her came through. She put me off though. So we kind of almost arranged to go out together but didn't.
  • After a few casual missed opportunities to see each other, I went to her birthday, again, I didn't really get much from her but during this time I realised, through a dream she was saying and what I had been also going through we were meant to be together and were both resisting it.
  • I phoned her and arranged to see her.
  • I cancelled. It was too far ahead for me and I woke up with a feeling of a negative entity near me and pure panic, so I cancelled.
  • I rearranged.
  • She cancelled. This happened while I was out walking the dog with my mother and I got what felt to be negative UFO presence. The way the text was written made it sound like she was leaving and I left also.
  • A few email exchanges showed more emotion than I thought was there. I was basing it on the idea that i would not see her when I next went in but she (presumably) thought I was cancelling even though she was still there.
  • After I left I went back to give some astrology. She had been crying and she said something about her entities (I suspect was a lie.) She said she had gone through a period of healing from the idea of 'soulmates'. As she said this I felt inside her this energy, and I put it together metaphysically that if she felt this it was true. Since in the LoO this intuitive understanding shows that if someone has a feeling, to 'heal' it or apparently 'let go' of it creates the need to balance it later. 
  • I knew this, and the ongoing positive guidance I recieved magnetised me to this girl like nothing else.
  • However, during that interaction she asked me to phone her, and had wanted  to go out. I tried, I went to visit, but she refused to forgive me after that.
  • A combination of psychic ability and metaphysical calculation (I felt the amount of energy she would need to push down the positive feelings for me.) Lead me to believe she had slept with someone one of the nights I had been phoning her and I asked her about this.
  • Since this point she has used the place she was volunteering at and the manipulation of those surrounding her to block me off. While I have not been able to let go of the original chemistry. She blocks my calls, blocked my facebook. She has shown no mercy (outright cruelty) although I know the feeligns are still there and have experienced extreme pains in my guidance to call her and sort it out.
If she had phoned me or something could be worked out obviously the love would take over and I would leave the negativity behind. However, this has not happened. I have been through extreme amounts of pain because of this girl, and I am upset and angry. 

I have little power in the situation like I outlined. I imagine she in a condescending and nasty fashion enjoys this aspect of it. (This I covered later, she is probably 'unpolarised' rather than 'negatively polarised', so who knows?)

I feel bad that there is no possibility of any love or forgiveness from her or the people involved (or truth, she and others have lied to my face). I feel uncomfortable saying this because of the possibility I cannot back it up. but: I WANT HER TO GO TO JAIL FOR A VERY LONG TIME. I want a trial of these facts when in relation to perhaps positive ET's etc. The amount of cruelty on her behalf is massive (but not by the standards of earth), she understands the situation about the guidance and the pain etc.

If I can't communicate with her I will force her to notice me.

My thought about her motivation is that she wanted to be 'special' for me, as a girl, but was mortified when I was less than nice to her and horrified at her own behaviour of having slept with someone else and then had a relationship with a close friend of mine.

However, I don't care about her justification or motives. I don't care how much she claimes a neoliberal form of love or how many times she has thought she should do the right thing and turned against it. I want the girl in jail. I want her to suffer as I have and I want the world to know who she is. 

I don't care whether I harvest or polarise, I hate her.

(I do hope I when the 'cabal' falls I will become more famous and the world will know. I may of course die before that happens and that of course would solve her problems.)

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