So I am split at the moment. I have just experienced a burst of positive feeling. A kind of 'love'. I realise that some of the girls that occasionally interest my mind recently were in fact moreso sexual attraction, this new interest started with a smile.
Previously for me the situation with girls has gone so catastrophically bad, the prospect of the whole thing repeating is not a pleasant one.
You know how when you feel a positive feeling and are not anywhere near the person of interest it is a very unpleasant sensation? Added to this I have a somewhat narrow window in which to secure any sort of contact. What was a huge positive thing... Reduced work because I wanted to get a new job and then time off work. Is now suddenly not a positive thing.
At the moment it is the beginning of the Brexit talks, there has also been a false flag recently that may effect me and people I hold as very positive in the alternative media community. I don't care about either of these things. I do not know how relaxed and happy I am able to be before my 'problems' from previous tussles will bother me.
So I suppose I will just stay here, in this room. Not watching TV, not so interested in the internet, just not really caring about anything in particular. As though I were being punished.