Explaining myself.

I'm going to do the best to explain myself here.

I realised my angry and deeply psychological rant could cause wounds to me and others.

Simply put, I had an experience where I felt a kind of connection with someone. Then it all went wrong. It doesn't matter how it went wrong, but I was at a deep level of personal intensity. Which is what increases when 'work is done' in this area.

I feel many times that there is a service to others choice and a service to self choice. If we choose service to others then that's OK, but if we do not, then we get thrown into service to self.

If someone outside of us influences us, they can throw us into service to self.

At a high level of intensity sometimes extremely powerful loving feelings can become a state where love is winked out. There can be demonic feelings at this time.

I am not at a high state of intensity anymore but getting shoved into negative polarity like this is what I am recovering from. And the world has no tools to help me. 

There are other interlocking things with the people/ forces that 'prevented service to others'. But with higher energy centers worked on and lower energy centers (money, job, safe at home, etc.) there is a great deal of vulnerability. Carefully managing a state of vibrational intensity is the way to go.

Also, working towards the 'judgement day' of when all this psychic stuff comes out and there can be healing and restitution is another way to go. IMO people have too much of a licence to behave like assholes for there to be healing at this time. I do not believe healing happens purely internally, I think that's a cop out. Or at least I cannot seem to do that. It may be I have chosen to heal with writing (Chiron in third house Gemini) or I don't let outside influences effect my emotions (Saturn conjunct Moon) But that is my reality.

In fact, I don't really believe healing as an ongoing process happens at all at the moment.