My last blog was five days ago. Often it is three days apart and often it has been one day.
For the last few days, I have been doing energy work on myself. It seems to be providing good results. I seem to be more grounded and aware of the world. More spiritually connected. I have also had energy to do more exercise than I would expect myself to have.
Previously, I have been unable to do energy work without feeling side effects. Strong dysfunctional anger. But I think that was a problem with my previous technique. My previous technique was to do the energy work fully using visualisation only. My current technique is to use more physical movement. Like, putting hands on the place to be healed. Like they do in Reiki. This does strongly change the results.
I am very unsure if this is the right thing for me to do. I would love to be able to heal by laying on of hands. But I am not pursuing that at the moment. I only hope to have a beneficial effect on myself and to explore the area in general. The idea of someone, anyone, having the power to lay on hands and palpably heal people like you would see in science fiction and fantasy stories. Is very inspiring to me. It would be amazing. I think at least. But is not realistic.
But again, there may be an issue that I have wondered before if I am just not meant to be a healer. There are a lot of positive effects. I have turned over more to reading philosophy that I do less of than I'd like since this practice. There is a strong element to the energy in that it feels 'oppressive' in a sense. I balance this out, oppose this strong energy, by meditating. But is that oppressive and slightly miserable feeling due to the natural forcefulness of an energy that is moving my body into a very different way of being? Or is it that I specifically am not meant to be a healer so the energy does not feel right and eventually my own natural energy asserts itself and opposes this?
While I have been doing the energy work. I have not been blogging, as another example. I did not do the energy work today and as I have continued writing this blog. I definitely have a sense of joy that has been missing for a few days.
But improvement often does include misery. Like a calorie deficit. You have low energy, stop sleeping properly, and feel miserable. So I am truly on the fence about whether energy healing is good for me or not.
Insights into the Human Design.
Every so often I simply post in my blog about recent insights I have had living with the Human Design.
Firstly, my two Saturn placements. For a long time I have had no insight into this. My conscious Saturn is in gate 5.4. Which is about having your own pattern that often opposes the normal pattern. I am a late riser and have all sorts of eccentric patterns. Having it in writing is one of the things that allows me to accept that.
The unconscious Saturn though. Gate 26.4. This is both an exaltation and detriment. The lines name is censorship and the technical read out of it. (Reading about it there might actually be a deeper, more profound meaning than what I am going to talk about.) But I will just say some thoughts I have had on it.
Saturn is a social planet. There are two social planets. Two important elements of socialising that are not personal or collective. That is, the joy in a shared group, think of it like a Church choir (Jupiter) and the discipline involved. So Saturn. Who the group decides to ostracise, and who the group decides to discipline internally. This is more strongly seen in a work setting.
This censorship is two things. 'The ability to save the collective from itself'. The upper, the exaltation. I believe. Is to do with things like keeping this kind of spiritual information away from people due to free will. Having insight from the Law of One and human design and not revealing any of it. On the downward, the detriment, a more grounded energy. I think this is to do with politics. Keeping conspiratorial and political things away from people. Essentially the lower level of those higher thoughts. If you get into that kind of spirituality. You become aware of negative and conspiratorial things. Where there are positive angelic entities; there is also negative demonic entities, and their various activities.
Additionally, I have been thinking a little about my Venus positions. My unconscious Venus is actually a little too complex in how it manifests to discuss. This is my unconscious Venus which is conjunct my unconscious Jupiter at 51.1. It starts off an entire energy centre that is a big part of my life. I might mention things that relate to that entire energy centre of the G- Self. But explaining in detail how the energy of the Venus leads into the G- self and all that means is a bit much.
But my conscious Venus! My conscious Sun is in gate 33.6. My conscious Venus is in gate 33.1. Recently, I have had a long discussion with someone about politics. I will not go into this persons chart because this would be against Free Will. This person would not be likely to read this blog. Both because he doesn't have it, as far as I know. And also, is not someone that is inclined to read a great deal. And has almost zero interest in the subject matter.
But I still won't say exactly what the chart that I was pushing against says. Only, just the smallest comment. That one or his Venus placements is specifically political, and the other is easily adapted to being it once the subject becomes politics. It is used politically.
Like I said the conversation was political. And I was taking the right wing ish view and him the left wing. It wasn't as clear cut as that but that's what it was in practice. One of the tactics that I didn't like that he used was claiming offence at certain things said. I noticed that I tried to withdraw from the conversation at one point. So I was using my gate 33. But it was not possible to do so. Then a bit later, the situation conspired to force a withdrawal. I did not have any particular understanding of what I said that caused 'offence'. So I just started saying less and less. I could not say one thing or its opposite. I was not afraid to say anything. I just, did not know how to communicate in a way that was actually constructive in some manner.
So it struck me very much that what had happened is that I had attempted a normal withdrawal. Then that had not happened. The situation had simply become impossible for me to express anything. So obviously, the other person had nothing to respond to. It was interesting to me though that it seemed strongly that the energy had created this withdrawal in line with the gate 33.
More to say.
There is more to say, but I do not have the energy to articulate it. In general. I think there is a lot that was not quite correct about what Ra Uru Hu said. Namely, I think he unknowingly used the term 'not self', to avoid the attention of the negative. And since he did use the vague term 'not self' to describe everything negative. It also made the positive, the thing we motivate towards similarly negative. Because we automatically know that these two concepts are opposing.
To this effect. I wonder if the defined parts of our chart always link to something constructive as long as we are positive. So if someone has a defined Ajna, they are going to process things that are useful. The undefined parts of our chart, are only positive if someone outside us with it defined, or something cultural, provides a positive interpretation of that part of the chart. For instance, I do not have the gate 41, but the Evopsych beliefs that it highlights I have gotten from the world so it is essentially, positive conditioning.
But if someone is connecting to something, a belief system of some description that is not positive, but is the result of someone elses self serving agenda. Then it attaches to the 'not self' parts of the chart. The undefined centres.
For instance, when I was more left wing and blue pilled, I had a lot of desire and neediness from the undefined sacral and solar plexus. The left and feminism to me meant a worship of women as feminists define them. As positive, mysterious, and morally superior.
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