Break. Mysticism and decision making.

I am breaking off today from the article set I was writing. To talk about something that is of metaphysical/ spiritual interest I think. 

Today, I am suddenly tired in a weird way. A non physical way. I can't think clearly. Which is unusual for me. It is also why I did not jump into that other set of articles. Which are highly technical. 

I have had a dream. An extremely profound dream. I will not describe what the dream was actually about because... You wouldn't believe me. Or, even if a person did. The actual profundity of it could not be explained. I will say, it was inhabiting the "being" of a person that wasn't me; and was a set of emotions that is unfamiliar to me. Which is very "Law of One" adjacent. - The dream had direct and profound implications for ideas I have had. Implications that completely change some of them, or the foundation of new ideas being formed. 

But also, the way I am at the moment is... subtle. But unmistakeable. I do not feel right and I have been eating chocolate. Which often, does not make me feel right. 

Decision making.

The problem I am having with chocolate is. I cannot, through a logical decision making process. Through an objective one. Justify not having it. What do I mean by that. The last time I ate avocado I literally threw up. I suddenly became allergic to avocado as sometimes happens with allergies. I am celiac. I eat wheat and I get quite dizzy and sick. I stopped alcohol for 10 years, when my father, a severe alcoholic, died with a lot of complications. I also realised I was losing entire days with hangovers. 

It's easy to stop something when there is a practical reason like that. Even with the alcohol. Which there wasn't a prohibitive problem. I had a direct, logical reason for why I stopped the thing.

With chocolate. It is not the same. Chocolate and stopping or severely reducing it. (To almost nothing). The only way I can justify doing this is via a kind of "mystical" process. But, for me, I do like to try and follow a logical thought process. Philosophy, first principles and such, is the stuff I admire. 

Each time I have eaten chocolate. The problem associated with that has seemed to be specific to that time. The first issue I had with it was that when I was eating large amounts to solve constipation, I got fat. But once I got proper medication. I could massively reduce the amount I was having so I wouldn't gain weight. Then I got diarrhoea from it. Then I had chocolate before a workout and overdid the workout and strained myself for two weeks. So I just, stopped having it with workouts. Now, right now, it is even vaguer. I just don't feel right. I feel sleepy. I feel "feminine" and ungrounded. I badly want to get back to the state of not having had it. 

There was another issue here and there. Another issue which doesn't seem important or can be easily handled. Each time I have had chocolate there is a different, and apparently, easy to handle problem. But reliably, there is a problem each time, and it is one that messes up my life to an extent of making me have to miss a few workouts or another, very temporary, but very important to me, issue. 

Faith in mysticism.

I am not a fan of making decisions due to signs and wonders. This subtle subconscious whatever is NOT the same as seeing 3:33 on the clock and changing your life because of it. It is potentially legitimate to say your subconscious does not like a substance. 

But, I do not want any more of these very slightly negative "side effects". It seems to me a practical step to eliminate this substance that just seems to be "cursed" from my perspective. 

I may have it, like I said, very, very infrequently. It may be a thing I only have with others as a treat. Since I do not want to justify another way that I am "weird". I have simply had my fill of being the outcast. But despite not having a logical, practical, objective justification like I would like to have. It seems to me I do have to follow where this more 'mystical' thought process has lead.