I recall right before I had my 'schizophrenic break'. A lead in was being very confused about who I was. Am I fifth density or sixth density? Was the issue at the time.
The intensity of learning that wisdom has not come again. The eventual result of that contemplation was very, very powerful wisdom. But sometimes I still experience a lot of discomfort in "Is it this way or that way". That might be what is happening here. Many times I have thought I should do healing and then gone back on it. Maybe I will again try and figure this out.
Energy healing, and whether I should do it. Has been one of those things. As a person who is ill. Healing is very important to me. As a person who is spiritual and religious. There is at least a little faith that higher, positive spiritual worlds and things exist.
I think this is a subject that is also of interest to other people. A lot of people do things like Reiki and/ or, they commit to spiritual ideas in general and believe that world exists. This is meaningful to people. Christians believe, at least in theory I suppose. That healing is possible. Since Jesus told his disciples to heal others (and cast out demons). And a lot of people have various illnesses.
The basic reality.
A few days ago though I had an insight. The energy healing I have been doing before which got a bad result. Maybe I was doing the technique wrong? Maybe I need to actually touch my body while I do it. Like, start with holding my feet etc.
So I did that. It seemed to work. I, all of a sudden had a lot more energy and a kind of 'natural' feeling of 'oneness'. A feeling of general profundity. A connection with plants.
I got very intense dreams as well (a very good sign! Or so I thought) and I slept a lot. But also, I got a lack of joy. Which I attributed to... maybe the effects of discipline. Whatever I am doing is obviously not working. So my body perhaps needs discipline to do things slightly differently? Watch less TV. Read more philosophy etc.
A few days of this though. And I started to realise I am experiencing no joy. One of the reasons, is that I am sleeping a lot. I theorised when this happened that I am sleeping deeply and healing something. But there is no positive feeling associated with this. The dreams at first seemed profound. But as it went on. A dream I had tonight. Was unpleasant in a sexual manner. Not fetishtic and fun. But kind of demonic.
It also means that I don't have the energy to get to the gym. The gym is one of the things I legitimately just absolutely love. It also provides a lot of my healing in the... real sense I suppose. I know that a lot of the problems I have. Both physical and emotional. Are helped massively by the gym.
But what of the healing? The energy healing. Is it not meant to work for anyone and... just work in general? I have been thinking about that. I have felt a lot of positive help since doing this. I thought it might be them being happy I am on the right path. But as I have come to the conclusion I am NOT meant to be doing energy healing. I have thought of it a bit more clearly.
In one of the sessions. I can't remember when exactly. And I am not going to search it. But I am making a proper read through at the moment (with copious notes. Almost every question) so will have most of that kind of stuff committed to memory soon.
The Law of One stated that some healers are using yellow ray energy to do the healing rather than green ray energy. Yellow is will power. This is not apparently a good energy. It is not 'of the Creator'. It is of the individual person. Green is where you want to be if you want the energy channeled from the Creator. Which is what healing really is.
I... have no love for healing. It is purely something I am doing out of need and frustration at my medical condition. I can definitely understand that the small amounts of positive effects I did have. But without any connected warmth or joy in my life. Could easily have come from yellow ray healing. That sounds like it would completely fit.
And at least I have an answer!
Another thing that is slightly connected that I have been thinking over. The way my path went was that it was originally very metaphysical. David Wilcock and the Law of One. And later, after being excessively mystical was not serving me. I went over to Stefan Molyneux for a long time. About a decade.
Stefans attitude, and what he would label as the attitude of philosophy in general. Is that it is best to make decisions based on logic and objective evidence. Not mystical beliefs. I used to believe that if I ate chocolate there was a 'mystical' reason it always went wrong. But just now I have questioned that. I have had a few bad times with chocolate including last time I had it before the gym, I strained myself, the caffeine stimulation lead to overexertion and couldn't go back for two weeks.
But that isn't like... a reason to never have chocolate. It is a kind of mystical thinking I suppose. That there is some sort of curse that says I can't have chocolate. Always a different problem. Whereas, maybe it isn't always a different problem related to a curse. Maybe it is just a few different annoying problems have come up. Which I can avoid. By say, not having it just before exercise!
In the sense. It is very much my "path" it feels to me to work with things due to objective evidence and logic and such.
I do use a pyramid sometimes and do find that useful genuinely. But this is me theorising why, I don't think I should be doing energy work on myself.
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