This will be a post that goes lightly into conspiratorial areas at the end.
Tomorrow, the effect of my medication increase is going to kick in so I will be, in a good place. I have resisted this raise for 2 weeks because it comes with potential limitations. So I have had the negative side effects. But, tomorrow I will be more well. So that will be good.
I have had thoughts on the best way forward for psychological improvement. Working off various dream interpretations, youtube videos, and general insights. But I am not quite well and articulate enough to put it together today.
Emotional insight.
As a basic thought. In relation to session 5.2. I have worked through jealousy and what I figure to be its antithesis. And I have worked through humiliation and what I consider to be its antithesis and times in my past when I experienced that. This was... quite something. Bringing up emotions from my past by deciding to do so creates quite the emotional shift. It was not something I realised I had access to.
Then, looking for further opposing beliefs like that. I remembered a time, as pointed out to me by a close friend close to this time, when I got very into martial arts and became quite aggressive. Then I went to Reiki and started doing a lot more music. So my personality shifted quite a lot. These are potentially to me two direct opposites that exist within me that can bring light to this balancing practice.
But what I then started realising was that all these balancing emotions were following the same pattern. The martial arts started when I got bullied in school. The Reiki and music was the opposite of that. A belief, not grounded in reality, of a sacred destiny. These are the same two emotions underlying the humiliation, and its antithesis. This obviously fits into the antithesis of jealousy. The 'revenge of living a good life'. This would fit into the sacred destiny part. Then the other, jealousy of others, often socially. Links to the humiliation issue.
I do not experience, consciously at least. Great sadness or great happiness. I do experience a kind of hedonism which is kind of happiness. But it is not happiness as others experience it I don't think. I think this is a genetic limitation, likely, from my father (who could have been a sociopath but was likely just a really mixed up guy). Or maybe my medical condition has dulled me a little. Or perhaps it is from lack of self awareness, or lack of achievement in my life that would bring that happiness? Lack of fun with women? (Nietzsche once commented that women make the highs higher and the lows more frequent!) Or for another reason entirely. It is not a set of emotions I think at the moment will likely bear fruit to explore.
But the fact that every emotion is organising into these two separate sections brings me back to what I had said previously about the human design. That parts of my life have been divided into understanding of their themes through the human design and specifically the nodes are something I often gain insight into. These emotions seem neatly divided in the unconscious and conscious south nodes. The humiliation in the unconscious south node. And the 'sacred destiny', in the conscious south node. The conscious south node is gate 46.6. Which is the channel of failing where others succeed/ succeeding where others fail. So it is a hexagram involved in that kind of mystical destiny like thing.
This has made me suspect, not know for sure, but suspect. That the investigation into the emotions in relation to this healing kind of direction is not going to be fruitful for me. Because my instincts, and intuition, are essentially running in a different direction. Towards human design kinds of insights.
Anyway, this is all just a bit of meandering thought. I consider my goal to be worth all these thoughts and that is to find functional thoughts/ philosophies/ healing modalities/ spiritual concepts to bring meaning and healing to life.
One more thing though.
I am watching Star Trek Voyager that I like a great deal. I think it is the best Star Trek. I used to think that was Deep Space Nine but on watching them as an adult I realise Voyager is actually more adult and profound. Less ridiculous and spectacular. I am currently watching, would you believe it, an episode where one of the Star Trek officers is abducted by aliens and put through really intense brainwashing. Which, he does yeild to. And finds he is unable to undo emotionally at the end of the episode when he is safe again.
It is what I kind of wanted to talk about. Something adjacent. At some point in 2020. I looked heavily into Elite Gender Inversions. The idea that a lot of these actors are transgender. Like, all of them.
I watched about 200 videos on this because I just needed to get it through my head. I can see this now, clear as day. And I was reminded of this while watching this series. The constant attempts to sexualise Jeri Ryan with her thin body and huge breasts. But whose face is unmistakeably masculine:
Youtube: New Age Slave: Jeri Ryan Transvestigation. April 16th 2025:
https://youtu.be/KBe97SF5WDI?si=c4Hcgih6wCxy3EIO
There are two points that I want to make from this. Firstly, that the breadth of the deception we are under is huge. Sometimes the deceptions go into layers. So you uncover one layer and you get to another and another, and you are still not at the actual truth.
Like with the Lindsay Clancy case. The first layer is that you hear that women have an important issue of postpartum depression that men are not taking seriously in a court case. OK, that's a lie. The death of three children were involved. The next level is problems with the actual case and how the state has handled it. Inconsistencies. Dodgy things with the husband. I would say this is just as much of a deception. That there is always a specific script written for the 'low level conspiracy theorists'. The next level down is that they are both clearly transgender so the entire thing might be staged. I would imagine there are further layers.
EGI's are not just actors. They are singers. Some of those I was devoted to. They are politicians. Like Trump, as an example (David Icke is a prominent one too, Alex Jones might have been replaced.). Even after I investigated this all in some depth. I realised I could not completely separate myself from all this because... It is everywhere. It is ubiquitous in culture. Which is why I have Voyager on now despite suspecting it is a 100% transgender show. You would have to just sit in a room alone without any entertainment to avoid it all. A level of stress impossible to tolerate.
All put together. The take away for me is that the level of deception is astounding. A lot of things that seem to be happening. That we are given all the hints that a certain thing is happening that is against the liberal agenda. Is all of this same kind of control in my view. It was not a coincidence that the writers of The Boys made it all an anti Trump fest. They were ordered to do so. They are not liberal writers losing discipline. They are metaphorical robots to whatever this agenda is.
For this reason. Firstly, it can all be ignored. This or that politician said that might be a little relevant to any policies that effect your actual life. But what we are being shown is a show. I imagine huge country wide movements like Promethean Updates talking about Trump fighting the deep state might be accurate. But a lot is just a show and deception for some agenda. (The good guys have agendas sometimes too!)
I do not believe in flat earth. But if the world were flat. Our leaders would not tell us. I consider a lot of reality we are told might turn out to be a deception. The ruling elite might be Reptilians - or Reptilians itself might have been a deception - and there might be a different kind of alien menace. But even when truthseekers and good guys do something, that might be a deception too. For instance, I am not particularly trusting of the Epstein saga considering these were all transgenders. You would think that might have been mentioned! So I consider it might be a convenient smokescreen to take some (human?) criminals out of society, without revealing things that the population cannot yet face.
This has a lot of obvious meaning for the future. It is possible that after this real life stuff is revealed. A lot of peoples behaviour will change radically.
What have we missed?
I said there were two points. And my second point is simpler... What is it that has been stolen from us in these things?
Incalculable surely. It really is tied up with all of the deception on our planet. But watching Voyager I wonder what heights a show with non transgender characters would have? A group of sane people intuitively arriving at a powerful message.
A genuine woman playing a female character, if suitably incentivised. Might tell us more about female nature. Might be able to play with those complexities from her intuition. A similar thing with men and the 'heroes journey'. The shows might be able to explain nitty, real life philosophical issues and heroic feats. To inspire and to explain.
Anyway, that's all I have for today.
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