Wow, as I have described recently in blogs. For no clear reason. I have suddenly gotten a lot of stress. This includes me having not been able to sleep for a few consecutive days and other unusual symptoms.
I am going to make a physical change in massively decreasing the time I spend at the gym. I was starting to get some momentum and enjoy it. But I was not able to get the protein requirements, 150 grams at minimum, usually more. I strained myself a bit. Starting off with fewer exercises after stretching perhaps.
But psychologically. I am putting together something that might have caused me psychological difficulty that would also be in common with others that are on the same kind of pathway as me. I.e. spiritual, challenged to practice faith I believe. And also, having a basic understanding in belief in sources like Q.
Psychological dissolution.
Two things that have personally had me lose a kind of back up faith I had before.
One: I am looking for work. This is a very dark and thankless task. Full of annoying things and contradictions. I also have problems from my medical condition. Including bone thinning and other things that might restrict my ability to do physical work. My last job was in a call centre/ office or admin environment. Even though the people that worked there did not like my personality. Or lack thereof since I was quite ill at the time. The work itself were things I was very able to do. I was very organised and attentive to customers.
I have been getting emails for a while with manual labour types of jobs though. Jobs on production lines and unloading shipping containers and things. Things I assumed I couldn't do. But if I was really against the wall. Those are the kinds of jobs I felt like I should try and do as a last resort. In my mind, I figured. These are the jobs that women are not interested in. The reason I am not able to get a job is partly that the economy is just destroyed. But also, partly. That women are considered superior in the current society, and prioritised for jobs in the current job market. There is a lot of proof of this. In America, non farm payrolls for August show something like 92% of new jobs go to women.
I also know this from going to job interviews and as my name shortened is gender neutral. I got a lot less, a lot less, zero even, job interviews after I headed my CV with the full name showing I am a man not a woman. I got job interviews every so often with the ambiguous name.
I talked to someone in my life and realised, that even though the bone thinning does restrict my movement. I am actually capable of doing most of the shelf stacking kind of movements. This was a surprise to me. It's strange how possibilities are just deleted from consideration after you have dismissed them for some reason. I also am going to the gym obviously. So I decided to try and get one of those jobs. Well, I contacted the recruiter that was putting out those kinds of jobs and yeah, it was not as smooth sailing as I thought. In fact. The recruiter kind of lied to me in the conversation. Saying he had a lot of jobs he keeps back but in fact, he wanted to set me up with an unsuitable one I had already seen, he was obviously trying to find people for as he has resent that email quite a few times.
I suddenly discovered that no, there were not a lot of manual labour jobs waiting to be done so long as I would actually agree to do them. This area is as difficult as the rest of the economy.
The second point is just the general wear and tear of jobseeking. The whole thing is becoming more and more fake. The jobs seem more and more fake. I used to only apply within my town. It is a large city. Now I actually apply outside of that to jobs that there is no practical reason I would be prioritised over someone that lives closer and has any other number of other beneficial reasons to hire. Younger for instance. Female.
The entire thing is really strongly feeling like a farce recently. The jobseekers pretend to jobsearch, but don't think they will get a job. Some of them don't want a job. The jobs put up fake jobs. I don't know why. But it is probably incentivised by the government somehow to not reveal how badly they have destroyed the economy. The job boards put up these jobs knowing they are fake and the (overworked) Job Centre workers also pretend to do their jobs. They know the situation so just pretend to be productive. The whole thing is fake from beginning to end, but it takes a huge deal of time and emotional energy.
Taken together these two I think represent a bit of a shock to my system. It is the realisation of a lack of hope, even a grim hope. That was there before. It makes money saving more important. I think this might be the stress I was referring to.
Faith and Q.
Recently, the Trump organisation has been putting out a LOT of Q posts. One of them was Dan Scavino putting out an image that was posted on a Q post on a delta (so same day on an earlier year. Part of Q code!) Another delta was simply "Julian Assange" on September 14th. And on September 17th Julian Assange posted: "I'm back".
There were a lot more hints than just this. That the Q stuff is soon going to kick off.
Also, on a global level. Something weird is clearly happening. Saudi Arabia had a swarm of drones destroy some of their oil infrastructure. No one has claimed credit for this. Ukraine has destroyed a few oil refineries and Saudi's have told Europe they will not supply them for October. There have been several airport shutdowns in the UK.
What this leads to, is that security in my own life has dissolved a bit. But faith in Q, and a larger political reality, has had to increase. And that is not easy.
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