Self Deception. Prayer.

Things are good.

The positive change I noted in the last blog post. The decision to drink water frequently instead of Pepsi Max. Is having an extremely positive effect on my health. I drink fizzy water, with ice, and lemon drops. Means I can guzzle it. Liters a day. £2.65 for six two liter bottles of fizzy water. £3.50 for two bottles of Pepsi Max. 

I don't think this will be the last time I get confused about something on the spiritual path. The last time I think stopping something good, or doing something bad, is the answer. I seem to gain quickly by making errors. 

But it's an interesting thing to think over, the three articles I wrote, one with human design transits to back up my thoughts. The citadel I was creating in my mind. Taking information from my daily life about all the reasons prayer is NOT good. 

Self Deception. 

I remember hearing Stefan Molyneux one time say that he has a great ability to manipulate language. That the real danger of that is that he was able to convince himself of all sorts of bizarre stuff. I think there might be a bit of that going on with me. I am thinking of the case I was putting together in my mind to talk against prayer when I decided to do blogs again. 

So what follows is my general thoughts on the subject. But bear in mind, these are very subjective thoughts. Since they are on this kind of mystical/ metaphysical subject matter. They are "schizophrenic adjacent". They are general points. The argument I had against prayer even included Law of One quotes which I will summarise here.

The first point is that when I went back to prayer. Something completely wordless seemed to suddenly improve within me. I could suddenly see a lot of the thoughts I was working with were deluded. But I could not explain why. It was just a knowing. 

There is a general, extreme, feel good sensation from praying in general.

Benefits of prayer.  

During meditation. When I was praying frequently. I had the sense my consciousness was rising higher in my body and thinking less about sex. Sexual matters in general. Without the prayer, that was not there anymore. (I still meditated in the period I stopped prayer).

One of the theories I had about why it is good to stop prayer. Is that prayer seems to me to afford some kind of protection. Like, it seems to block general unpleasant sensations and some thoughts that may come from others. There is a line in the Law of One. Session 99.8, that talks about how on the positive path. There is a mental protection while on the negative path. There is a kind of sharpness of mind that the person uses for this. 

Following on from this. I theorise firstly. Within a Law of One paradigm I believe. That we are basically psychic, and if people are spending time thinking of us. Or even subconsciously doing so. We will feel the weight of them in our minds. This has some crossover with our internal objects if you were using an atheist paradigm. What we think others feel about us. But in this blog, the paradigm I am using is the psychic one.

If they feel angry at us we will feel a little worse as an example. This was especially true of me when I left a job where every single person there hated me. It was an office with a high turnover, but there were about twenty people in a small office. When I put on an Ankh, which I still have on today. I did feel some measure of protection from that. I felt less aware of a kind of hostile energy there.

Following on from this. My thoughts had been that when we relax our prayer field. When we are not protected. Other peoples real feelings get through to us and we then use that catalyst for our spiritual evolution, rather than blocking it. In whatever form this takes, (like, it might take the form of being interested in a philosophy that encourages a certain outlook in response!) 

Specific examples then. In this non prayer week. I had an insight into someone that did not like me and a comment her friend had made about how I had suddenly acted "weird". It was a sudden insight to me how this would be their (her and her friends) obvious conclusion. 

Another example is after prayer, an anger I constantly carry and that I am often watching for moments in its relaxation. I thought of an ex friend of mine. A previously very close friend. And thought about his more negative qualities and remembered they were there. I don't think of them much. But the anger I carry with me seemed to be 'discharged' in that remembering. 

Another example was I felt a stronger feel than normal from using a crystal. 

While I was not doing the prayer, my sexual fantasies changed massively. They were completely different. Less powerful. Less complex. 

There was also another thought that never completely gained traction. That I myself was not convinced by but was playing with. That if we are created by the Creator. We should not need to do the additional step of praying everyday. We should be perfect, with everything we need, as we are.  

Now that I have gone back to prayer I want to take these thoughts down. 

The sexual thoughts and the crystal stuff are not that relevant. Even though there is a different feeling from the crystal. Crystals, practically, have only ever delivered a very mild difference. I do like them and do feel a life force from that. I like carrying them with me. But they have never been strong enough to deliver a real world, identifiable, change. 

The anger thing. Finding a concrete place for my anger. It seems good on the surface I think. But in truth. It is not good necessarily to find places for anger like that. It will only bring up more anger now the emotion has somewhere to go. Like a positive feedback loop of getting more of something. 

The girl and the group thing. So, this girl is very left wing, didn't like me. My next point about peoples coherence in general, refers to this example. 

Pluto placement and larger thoughts. 

This, again might be me putting things together that aren't right. But it's what I am thinking at the moment. It's my best understanding/ interpretation of the world, as I am experiencing it.

My conscious Pluto is as follows (it is on a blue line if anyone knows what that means!):

28.6 exalted: The deep, intuitive, drive to win no matter what the cost. 

The human design, has some really interesting wording for some of the placements. Placements that show capacities of no virtue. The capacity to delude oneself and others (David Wilcocks conscious Sun position). Complete abject despair without the possibility of anything else (47.6). The tendency to be so broken that not even therapy can fix a person (18.5). The utter refusal to take accountability (4.5). Like Law of One quotes. I have written a few of these down to remind me of how varied and unpredictable life is. And that there is sometimes even a reason for things like this in the grand scheme of things. Things we would assume are 'negative'. "Gods plan".

This might be one of those. The deep intuitive drive to win no matter what the cost, might be of a really ruthless person, and I do have a few other placements that back this up. 

Here though, my perspective on this is that the world is awash with a lot of confusion and brainwashing. A lot of people, in my view, are not at all coherent in their belief systems. While I would not say that they do not consent in free will at their own messed up behaviours. (How could anyone ever know that, that is for God). I would say that there is enough incoherence in everything at the moment. To make an impact. As I have mentioned before. The negative polarity will get to a place on this earth where it breaks. And a spell will be broken for many people at that time. Concessions people believe they need to make, they will not need to make anymore. 

Concluding, bringing it all together.  

In my view, this future point is going to be very relevant to our current situation. The people that are angry with me because they are left wing and I am not. Are going to have a shock when it is proven the politicians and the system they support and worship has been doing monstrous levels of evil. It is likely in the future, in my belief, that the left will be so destroyed that nothing of its existence will be anything more than a historical footnote. And a dark one at that. 

If this were to happen. It does not mean that these people should be immediately "forgiven". It is also hard to hold a stable viewpoint of people if you plan to forgive them, and plan for them to have different behaviours in the future. This is maddening. But it does mean that what they are producing now. If they are sending anger. Might, simply not be a valid and useful feedback for catalyst. 

I do not any longer think that prayer provides protection. Like, a shield barrier. Blocking things from coming in. I think that it reframed my inner thoughts so that these sorts of energies from others are found a positive use within ones mind. 

In the long term. I am waiting on real world change bringing status changes and such. But in the moment, it is important to have good thoughts I think. The minutea of negativity before that is not necessarily relevant.