The incel-ly post.

I am definitely in an "incel-ly" sort of phase. 

My health has been so bad for so long that I have not had to worry about sexual matters too much. I have always been able to easily withdraw. That, or I have been chasing girls and badly failing but also showing deep schizophrenic types of symptoms. Now though, a lot of that is solved; and my natural healthy drive has started to bug me.

On a philosophical level it annoys me. The Law of One is a set of theories I think about and respond to. But women, in our current society. Have what I would consider an almost aristocratic privilege and attitude to go along with that. Perhaps not past a certain age when the attention runs down. 

I do look good. I still get attention and looks. Even though I am not in my twenties anymore, am gaining a bit of weight, and am generally a bit pissed with life. But women are unpredictable. It could be that just approaching them I have better than expected success. That I am the literal degenerate that so many red pill content creators lambast, that women have a disproportionate affection for. When I speak to women, I am in control in a strange way. 

But I am kind of trapped. I have got my daily patterns as good as I can make them. Prayer, meditation, and when I can do it, music. Also the gym. Human design, and this blog. So I figure I should push every other technique if I am not yet getting the results I want.

There is no obvious route to improve my relation to women. Or to explore it. At the gym the other day, a blonde young hot thing was close to me and seemed to make eye contact as I left. At night, when I go, it is not a good idea I don't think, to talk to women. But it happened, as it did, and excuses can be used at any time. 

So one of the techniques I've considered exploring is writing stories about it working out. But when I write stories. The story works out like it wants to. I don't feel I can change it. I also don't feel like I can write stories because I have a low level of emotional empathy. I think. I am not sure. 

A few months ago I saw a girl that stayed with me long term. Blonde, young, beautiful, massive breasts. Very similar to another girl I knew that I was able to charm. I saw her near a church, and I tried to write a story about me talking to her and it working out. The point is, to imagine things working out and to train myself to relate to women better when I see them on the fly:

              Oh, another one Daisy thought to herself. Another guy that wanted to look tough but wouldn’t even approach her. He didn’t look much, this guy, but he was a little good looking. Looking like he’d put on a bit of weight, was probably married.

              She didn’t make eye contact and walked on. Fully aware of the intense beauty of her form. But after she thought he had gone, she saw a shadow up on the right of her.

              “Hey”, the guy said, obviously a bit nervous. “Can I talk to you for about fifteen minutes?”

              Shocked at this request, she looked at him. Feeling a little angry. But a spontaneous smile from this guy, stopped her short.

              “Er… No” she said.

              And then he fucked off. 

 I can't even make it work out in my own fantasies! 

The human design holds that I am a manifestor so I should just do what I want and hope for the best. Approach and worry about the rest later. The point of the stories was to improve the desireability of the whole thing. But perhaps it comes down to the human design. Or perhaps it does not.