The "Inner Work".

This will be another personal post. I cannot, at the moment, produce thoughts and posts that "point the needle" in a specific direction. That discuss some sort of subject out there in the world. 

So this will be about my 'inner work'. And you are invited to read no further if that is not of interest to you. 

Inner work.

What I mean by inner work is that, as referred to in the Law of One. Although not quite like I am going ot talk about it. And as referred to in the everyday world even. The psychological world. How I would define "inner work" is the process of finding insight into yourself, into taking those sensations, memories, emotions, the substance of your life, and organising it for some use in relation to positive service to others purposes. 

So, an example might be... I have had xyz experiences with women. I go to therapy. Then I read about about women and talk to friends about them. Then I have a successful relationship. So the initial feelings of confusion and anger about the experiences with women is transmuted into something positive. 

But of course, that is a nice, clean, and (probably) unambiguously positive example. With no nuance. In real life, a lot of the inner work is taking things that are within us and just moving them, only a miniscule amount towards being somewhat more positive. Not all the way into a realised physical behaviour and change in your life. Just a bit more positive than it was before. It is also more messy than that in general. Generally the initial bad thing that caused a problem in the past. Branches out into a lot of areas not just one like this. 

But, this is the general principle. Take what is inside and manage it to produce a good result. The Law of One talks about a general guideline of 'accept thyself, know thyself, become the Creator'. 

What does that mean in practice? That means that all the crappy, resentful, angry, pathetic parts of ourselves. That these things are not just to think about mildly, then have a drink and forget about. But taking these parts of ourselves is the route to moving forward in a positive manner. 

Schizophrenic patterns. 

I originally had schizophrenic patterns of thinking. There was a physiological issue pushing this strongly. So I had no free will... Effectively. I sometimes think about times in my life when I have not appeared to have free will that I can identify. 

So there were two things I used in this place. A place where my mind was effectively not working properly. One was David Wilcock. Who only provided a certain amount of focus. The other, when I had difficult times with women. Was that I started listening to Stefan Molyneux. This was because I was heavily blue pilled at the time and needed some context for female behaviour. As I have stated in earlier blogs. I feel that red pill, with its more realistic take on female psychology. Can allow a guy to not be a burden to women by not having innaccurate ideas. (As an example, acknowledging women have a lot of options)

But also, another reason I went over to Stefan Molyneux. The world and its vastness. The relative isolation. My understanding of the negative polarity and conspiracy theory. I perceived this giant world and that I needed to 'fall behind' someone in a sense. Support someone. So that that person could push forward in cultural ways. 

The thinking is a little bit negatively polarised. Or, disciplined in a way that does not serve. Stefans world view is one that kind of dots all the i's and crosses all the t's. To listen to him regularly I can align my thinking along the lines of his world view and world meaning (Reason, leads to Virtue, leads to Happiness).

Collapse of structure.

But you can see how this all leads in a very structured direction. My feelings are kind of wrapped up in a bundle and placed behind these ideas. Funnelled into these concepts of meaning. 

But, now a lot of the initial catalyst has dissolved a bit. As my physical health has improved. Not all the way. But significantly. Dream interpretation is also a big positive for schizophrenic types of conditions (Ref Elinor Greenberg). So the initial catalyst that motivated me has now changed. 

Without an overarching viewpoint to put things together. What it leaves me with is a bunch of feeling that are unordered. To just sit with all of them until I can in some way order them myself. 

The Law of One does not provide a strong overarching idea. It does provide some. But it is all couched in the constant reminders that everything is a constant mystery. There are not so many real world grounded concepts in the Law of One. 

So each emotion has to be experienced and slowly placed into its meaning. 

Conclusion.

I feel that this is my Saturn- Neptune insight. The astrology is interesting at the moment. Saturn Neptune, and this is the eclipse month. Two eclipses. Saturn Neptune conjunct over my North Node. It is a small and subtle (Neptune) but powerful (Saturn) change.