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For the immediate future, I am beaten when it comes to girls.
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I experience the same pattern again and again and again and it's making me miserable. There is very good chemistry between me and a girl, then I don't honour it somehow, like for instance, my song that I had written for open mic today has just deleted itself so I can't go to an open mic.
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Pretty immediately, the backlash is that the girl treats me badly in some way, or sleeps with someone or just something generally nasty.
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I can't take this anymore. I have to withdraw. It's enough to make me so unbelievably miserable how predictable this pattern is. The insane anger at the times I have been put through this, how repetitive this is.
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I also am not going to compromise. I'm not going to experience a relationship with a girl I'm not really into, with one whom the 'magnet' is not present. I'd just rather suffer. I'll accept the suffering.
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
Monday, 9 February 2015
How am I?
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The amount of energy that goes into 'being me'. Lol.
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I will describe a short story to explain how I am. And how it has reflected the past.
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The original problem that caused me trouble was when me and a girl had very, very good chemistry and the girl withdrew and I was unable to withdraw.
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A few minutes ago I had another similar problem like that and I was able to withdraw quite completely. I was going to describe it but there doesn't seem to be any reason to.
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So from that perspective I feel safer. I am able now to do things that compromise on theoretically perfect ethics in order to protect myself in the very real material sense. Rather than practicing spirituality and relying on spiritual powers to protect me.
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Apart from that I keep myself in a constant state of anxiety so I don't fall into inactivity. Not really a conscious choice. Just a warning going off BEEP BEEP BEEP. I am starting to clothe myself in the reality of other people. Possibly because of the aforementioned root chakra work.
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I am eating well again. Not drinking alcohol. Constantly thinking about metaphysics. But determined to make things change. Not allowing myself to wallow at all in any sort of comfort.
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(later edit: It does feel SO SO good to withdraw. I truly never intend to see the girl again or anyone associated with her. It was a minor slight but this is what feels right.)
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The amount of energy that goes into 'being me'. Lol.
-
I will describe a short story to explain how I am. And how it has reflected the past.
-
The original problem that caused me trouble was when me and a girl had very, very good chemistry and the girl withdrew and I was unable to withdraw.
-
A few minutes ago I had another similar problem like that and I was able to withdraw quite completely. I was going to describe it but there doesn't seem to be any reason to.
-
So from that perspective I feel safer. I am able now to do things that compromise on theoretically perfect ethics in order to protect myself in the very real material sense. Rather than practicing spirituality and relying on spiritual powers to protect me.
-
Apart from that I keep myself in a constant state of anxiety so I don't fall into inactivity. Not really a conscious choice. Just a warning going off BEEP BEEP BEEP. I am starting to clothe myself in the reality of other people. Possibly because of the aforementioned root chakra work.
-
I am eating well again. Not drinking alcohol. Constantly thinking about metaphysics. But determined to make things change. Not allowing myself to wallow at all in any sort of comfort.
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(later edit: It does feel SO SO good to withdraw. I truly never intend to see the girl again or anyone associated with her. It was a minor slight but this is what feels right.)
Sunday, 8 February 2015
Astrology and Nessu.
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I need discipline in order to be able to relax at all. I just casually checked astrology a second ago and then realised it lit up my brain. I have to express it. But it is questionable as to whether it is in my best interests or not. To me.
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I have stayed away from astrology partly because of the 'madness' of high vibration.
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But, I have something to say. Nessu is a planet that gives us this feeling that things are profoundly unfair. Although it is said when Nessu ends something, it really ends it.
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It is currently at the very end of Aquarius. Now Aquarius is that fanatical desire to improve society that sometimes like I said is... Fanatical. This planet is the reflection of the fact that area seems very unfair at the moment since even those improving society seem to be getting beaten on. Also it has not seemed to have moved forward.
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But Nessu is soon to move onto Pisces. That means the feelings of unfairness will move away from societal improvements and protest being unfair and possibly move towards the whole psychic area being unfair. I don't know what this second area is but I imagine that if the David Wilcock stuff comes out and we are aware of our alien based heritage, there may be a feeling in the air of entities abusing power etc. Or imbalances between one person and another where one is more psychic than another. Or a kind of racism against extra terrestrial, or terrestrial extra-terrestrial forces and persons.
-
I need discipline in order to be able to relax at all. I just casually checked astrology a second ago and then realised it lit up my brain. I have to express it. But it is questionable as to whether it is in my best interests or not. To me.
-
I have stayed away from astrology partly because of the 'madness' of high vibration.
-
But, I have something to say. Nessu is a planet that gives us this feeling that things are profoundly unfair. Although it is said when Nessu ends something, it really ends it.
-
It is currently at the very end of Aquarius. Now Aquarius is that fanatical desire to improve society that sometimes like I said is... Fanatical. This planet is the reflection of the fact that area seems very unfair at the moment since even those improving society seem to be getting beaten on. Also it has not seemed to have moved forward.
-
But Nessu is soon to move onto Pisces. That means the feelings of unfairness will move away from societal improvements and protest being unfair and possibly move towards the whole psychic area being unfair. I don't know what this second area is but I imagine that if the David Wilcock stuff comes out and we are aware of our alien based heritage, there may be a feeling in the air of entities abusing power etc. Or imbalances between one person and another where one is more psychic than another. Or a kind of racism against extra terrestrial, or terrestrial extra-terrestrial forces and persons.
Saturday, 7 February 2015
Sex deprivation in men.
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I have to say, this is not an article I ever expected to write. Astrology, the Illuminati, deep metaphoric things with deeply powerful forces (so called) maybe. But this. it's terrible.
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But, I'm not just talking about sex deprivation. But the fact that I have not been masturbating for over a month and the effect is starting to be really strong.
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When things started going wrong for me earlier I used to have the feelings that since I had done everything perfectly, since I was eating well, acting with compassion etc. There were no 'hooks' for negative forces to interfere if they wanted to.
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One of the first things to go on my 'fall down' was the masturbating. I felt as though something arrived and I started having sexual ideas/ fantasies that I do not know were based on truth or not (although true things have disguised themselves in that way before).
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But it is interesting. I have not masturbated in over a month and have not had sex. This is probably the first time I have done this successfully outside a spell at Kingston University. The effect is powerful. I feel this energy at the base of my spine moving up like some sort of kundalini. And there is some sort of animalisticness and stuckness of psychic energy. Like on some sort of etheric level there are too many doors open at the same time and the energies flowing in are getting stuck.
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I remember sometimes when I used to walk around and 'need' girls in a sort of sensitive way. I would look at the girl, she would know the score, and it would be awkward for both of us as I walked on. Now though it is not like that. I look at the girl and she looks back directly with a kind of knowing. I don't shrink on some sort of emotional level from that 'mini- confrontation.'
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It's a good feeling. And I am just learning to apply the energy so I can be more effective in my life. Sexual energies are the root chakra. So it is those that I am likely now to be constantly engaged with. But I wonder if with these energies the way they are I may have to put a little LESS energy into being psychic since the energies are naturally rising up my body without conscious effort.
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Another thing, often in the past when I did masturbate I felt something, not in my favour release. Like a battle had been lost and a non positive situation could now manifest without resistance. I remember when I was just about to get chucked out of co- op feeling that.
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I should add here, since I posted this on facebook and have hence become self conscious. That I'm not overly bothered if this dry streak is to come to an end or not. Infact, it is easy to become comfortable in complacency. I am seeking to move out of home and if that happens then perhaps I will start seeking company more. If I get a job I might meet someone etc. But I am not desperate at all, and even if I am I'm not desperate to sort the situation out.
-
I have to say, this is not an article I ever expected to write. Astrology, the Illuminati, deep metaphoric things with deeply powerful forces (so called) maybe. But this. it's terrible.
-
But, I'm not just talking about sex deprivation. But the fact that I have not been masturbating for over a month and the effect is starting to be really strong.
-
When things started going wrong for me earlier I used to have the feelings that since I had done everything perfectly, since I was eating well, acting with compassion etc. There were no 'hooks' for negative forces to interfere if they wanted to.
-
One of the first things to go on my 'fall down' was the masturbating. I felt as though something arrived and I started having sexual ideas/ fantasies that I do not know were based on truth or not (although true things have disguised themselves in that way before).
-
But it is interesting. I have not masturbated in over a month and have not had sex. This is probably the first time I have done this successfully outside a spell at Kingston University. The effect is powerful. I feel this energy at the base of my spine moving up like some sort of kundalini. And there is some sort of animalisticness and stuckness of psychic energy. Like on some sort of etheric level there are too many doors open at the same time and the energies flowing in are getting stuck.
-
I remember sometimes when I used to walk around and 'need' girls in a sort of sensitive way. I would look at the girl, she would know the score, and it would be awkward for both of us as I walked on. Now though it is not like that. I look at the girl and she looks back directly with a kind of knowing. I don't shrink on some sort of emotional level from that 'mini- confrontation.'
-
It's a good feeling. And I am just learning to apply the energy so I can be more effective in my life. Sexual energies are the root chakra. So it is those that I am likely now to be constantly engaged with. But I wonder if with these energies the way they are I may have to put a little LESS energy into being psychic since the energies are naturally rising up my body without conscious effort.
-
Another thing, often in the past when I did masturbate I felt something, not in my favour release. Like a battle had been lost and a non positive situation could now manifest without resistance. I remember when I was just about to get chucked out of co- op feeling that.
-
I should add here, since I posted this on facebook and have hence become self conscious. That I'm not overly bothered if this dry streak is to come to an end or not. Infact, it is easy to become comfortable in complacency. I am seeking to move out of home and if that happens then perhaps I will start seeking company more. If I get a job I might meet someone etc. But I am not desperate at all, and even if I am I'm not desperate to sort the situation out.
Friday, 6 February 2015
UKIP and the fight for freedom
Not against the 'immigants' of course. But the fight for freedom against a certain type of financial problems.
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This kind of thinking is copied quite exactly really from a man named David Wilcock. I may add some astrology in here but mostly the conspiracy stuff will be his.
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...
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This kind of thinking is copied quite exactly really from a man named David Wilcock. I may add some astrology in here but mostly the conspiracy stuff will be his.
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...
OK. So where are we. To set the stage lets assume that right back into antiquity. Right back to the early centuries of our history there have been elite groups and manipulators among us. The 'divine right of kings'. Mostly simply a mythologised version of preferring power goes to the same bloodlines and stays that way.
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We have all heard of these ideas. The 'Illuminati.' The Bavarian Illuminati falling after someone carrying documents got struck by lightning. At precisely the right moment for those events. Some believe these power groups are still among us. And if there was any way to control the world it would be through currency.
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So, what's the problem with that in the late 1700's. Well, currency was backed by gold giving it real value which meant no one really controlled it. Or rather currency was gold. So, starting with the work of Adam Smith (who is featured on the English banknote), there were political directives and two world wars and suddenly all the gold has disappeared. We now have printing presses in the power of private companies who can print money, and then lend it at interest ensuring that there is always a lot of debt in the economy.
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This is the seat of their power.
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Enter Nigel Farage whom stated, excerpted from the book 'The synchronicity key' by David Wilcock (but then simply searched on the internet):
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http://www.ukipmeps.org/pages/
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'Yes, I've read and thought a lot and there are certainly several American commentators pointing out that there may well be, in terms of gold reserves and their reality, a huge fraud going on.'
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There could not be a more 'to the point' statement that gets to the heart of the conspiracy area. And this from a 'soon-to-be-mainstream,' politician.
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Now onto just a little bit of astrology, and this racism thing. Jupiter is going retrograde at the moment through Leo. This makes me think that people are feeling that they are being assaulted on the personal level, a 'destructive' kind of assault. When it starts going direct we will start to get a new perspective on something in this area. It goes direct I believe in late March and in April we have the political TV debates. These I think will start to lift things and if anyone has been paying attention. David Cameron has been trying to political maneouver. According to some reports so he doesn't have to face Nigel Farage.
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2020 is the next election where UKIP could potentially win. 2020 is also the end of the Jupiter Saturn cycle (but that's complex and not to be outlined here) and several other astrological/ political change cycles.
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(I do of course admit UKIP may seem a little racist 'at the moment'.)
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This article is copyright :).
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We have all heard of these ideas. The 'Illuminati.' The Bavarian Illuminati falling after someone carrying documents got struck by lightning. At precisely the right moment for those events. Some believe these power groups are still among us. And if there was any way to control the world it would be through currency.
-
So, what's the problem with that in the late 1700's. Well, currency was backed by gold giving it real value which meant no one really controlled it. Or rather currency was gold. So, starting with the work of Adam Smith (who is featured on the English banknote), there were political directives and two world wars and suddenly all the gold has disappeared. We now have printing presses in the power of private companies who can print money, and then lend it at interest ensuring that there is always a lot of debt in the economy.
-
This is the seat of their power.
-
Enter Nigel Farage whom stated, excerpted from the book 'The synchronicity key' by David Wilcock (but then simply searched on the internet):
-
http://www.ukipmeps.org/pages/
-
'Yes, I've read and thought a lot and there are certainly several American commentators pointing out that there may well be, in terms of gold reserves and their reality, a huge fraud going on.'
-
There could not be a more 'to the point' statement that gets to the heart of the conspiracy area. And this from a 'soon-to-be-mainstream,' politician.
-
Now onto just a little bit of astrology, and this racism thing. Jupiter is going retrograde at the moment through Leo. This makes me think that people are feeling that they are being assaulted on the personal level, a 'destructive' kind of assault. When it starts going direct we will start to get a new perspective on something in this area. It goes direct I believe in late March and in April we have the political TV debates. These I think will start to lift things and if anyone has been paying attention. David Cameron has been trying to political maneouver. According to some reports so he doesn't have to face Nigel Farage.
-
2020 is the next election where UKIP could potentially win. 2020 is also the end of the Jupiter Saturn cycle (but that's complex and not to be outlined here) and several other astrological/ political change cycles.
-
(I do of course admit UKIP may seem a little racist 'at the moment'.)
-
This article is copyright :).
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
Lost polarity.
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The stage was set. It was time to go to Open mic night and I blew it.
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I'm starting to see a pattern though. A) Met a girl whom I neglected my intuitive 'magnet' towards, but we coincidentally started talking later and she was a musician and so I suggested we go to Open Mic night. Ai) Didn't follow that up immediately when I got home. B) Then on the day did want to go to open Mic night but since I had experienced the energy of her that was now gone, I didn't have the energy to do a good song, only to create a new 'lesser' song. Bi) Lost polarity again when I didn't go down with my new 'lesser' song.
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If I carry on experiencing losses of polarity like this I will make no gains. I.e. Nothing will happen. I need to get myself into a position where I am constantly in a good polarised position.
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Without the negative option there is no room to experience the positive option. That's why the game must continue.
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The stage was set. It was time to go to Open mic night and I blew it.
-
I'm starting to see a pattern though. A) Met a girl whom I neglected my intuitive 'magnet' towards, but we coincidentally started talking later and she was a musician and so I suggested we go to Open Mic night. Ai) Didn't follow that up immediately when I got home. B) Then on the day did want to go to open Mic night but since I had experienced the energy of her that was now gone, I didn't have the energy to do a good song, only to create a new 'lesser' song. Bi) Lost polarity again when I didn't go down with my new 'lesser' song.
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If I carry on experiencing losses of polarity like this I will make no gains. I.e. Nothing will happen. I need to get myself into a position where I am constantly in a good polarised position.
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Without the negative option there is no room to experience the positive option. That's why the game must continue.
Tuesday, 3 February 2015
Come on here to outlet.
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I've come on here just in general. Not to say anything important.
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The vultures are circling. I am becoming increasingly trapped. Little things are being de- tuned. Relationships with friends are becoming more difficult. Plans to escape my situation are becoming directly challenged. Polarity is being forcibly dropped as though a vampire came down to suck out the electronic 'charge', the thing that makes the polarity.
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There is no hope at this point, I mean, we adapt don't we. So I may be able to bring it back together. Go volunteering to get a reference (although I might not need to). Get a job, move out. Perhaps sing a few songs at open mic night. But in order to have a good life, I suppose what we need is a mission and a clear path to higher realms. And just the simple things. Confidence. Confidence to do basic things without feeling too low to do them.
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Life could be interesting if things unfolded. I suppose there is always free will. For even if there is something that feels 'not good' or whatever, there is the free will choice to experience the positive, service to others side of this all.
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I've come on here just in general. Not to say anything important.
-
The vultures are circling. I am becoming increasingly trapped. Little things are being de- tuned. Relationships with friends are becoming more difficult. Plans to escape my situation are becoming directly challenged. Polarity is being forcibly dropped as though a vampire came down to suck out the electronic 'charge', the thing that makes the polarity.
-
There is no hope at this point, I mean, we adapt don't we. So I may be able to bring it back together. Go volunteering to get a reference (although I might not need to). Get a job, move out. Perhaps sing a few songs at open mic night. But in order to have a good life, I suppose what we need is a mission and a clear path to higher realms. And just the simple things. Confidence. Confidence to do basic things without feeling too low to do them.
-
Life could be interesting if things unfolded. I suppose there is always free will. For even if there is something that feels 'not good' or whatever, there is the free will choice to experience the positive, service to others side of this all.
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