Due to health problems. This is one of the first times in a long while I have been able to reliably go to the gym. For a while I had stomach problems that stopped me going. At various times various other problems. But at the moment. I can usually get to the gym, do a session, and there is nothing stopping me.
The power of the gym on my mental health has just been staggering. So much so that I am writing a blog only concerned with this. After a gym session I am often able to access emotions that I did not know I felt. As I have written about before. I am able to access things that I perceived that were perhaps a 'survival threat'. But are revealed with muscle release and testosterone increase.
But I am thinking it is more than that now. Thinking it is more than simple things I didn't acknowledge through a subconscious fear. Ra Uru Hu once talked about the Projector in Human Design. He said that the Projector experiences blame and this blame gets layered. It would make sense to me that each type experiences 'layering' of the not self emotion, not just Projectors. Because every type has a fundamental not self emotion created by their true self type being mismanaged. When things go wrong, the other side of the positive energy is a negative energy. So that would have happened constantly and from very early on. Meaning it always gets layered.
This is the kind of insights I have been getting. Things revealed that I got incredibly angry about. But which haven't been thought about for a long time. Some of these insights are very relevant to how the world works like. My last blog about 3i/Atlas ideally being alien contact was kind of answered. I can see a little bit more. I have more insight into unpleasant behaviours that people have that deserve the kind of situation we are in now. Not have it all sorted out. This is only possible with the rage of remembering unpleasant behaviours against me in the past. It is good, like the negative feeling serves a positive function of insight!
I am very tired though, even as I write this. This insight has come from a harder gym session than previously since I was annoyed (angry!) that I had missed one, due to unavoidable health issue.
The positive effects though, I feel it would be hard to even spell them all out here. But one of the insights I have had was just how messed up I was previously in my life. This makes a big impact on the world around me. On how I process my past.
I am reading, and really enjoying, the Lord of the Rings. I previously read this when I was not particularly well. When I read it previously, I stopped because it was just incredibly dark. I got to the point where Frodo is walking through the second forest with the Elves and I just felt it was bad.
Now I read it though, and it is not even slightly dark! The reason it is not dark is that there is so much love in the set up. There is so much love with the hobbits and the relationship of the four friends. I am really in a positive place with this book and I think it is where Tolkien shines. He has set up an incredibly loving thing for us to invest in before he introduces the danger. A lot of sci fi doesn't really do that. They just lightly introduce the characters then get on with the plot. But... Something needs to be threatened! Courage needs to be shown.
The difference in my memory from now to when I previously read it is so stark that I realise that I was more unwell mentally than I ever realised. This brings in a lot of additional and powerfully relevant insights. I cannot remember hardly a single thing that I am now reading. Not one thing. The memories I do have are inaccurate of this book.
Anyway, that's it for the moment. I believe that doing the gym regularly from now on. If I am able to. If there is no more problem. Will be a hugely positive thing in my life and it is something that I really want.
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