14 days NoFap.

This feels like the big one for me. I have broken the cycle of behaviour that lead to me failing at this particular task should I attempt it. I now have an app which massively helps. 

One of the things I used to think when I couldn't get this right is when I got a sexual 'hit' of feeling, I would say to myself it isn't healthy to not engage in sexual things AT ALL, so I would engage in a bit of this kind of thing and inevitably, it would escalated and end with me ending my 'NoFap' streak.

But, a few insights, along with positive health changes and I simply don't do that. I don't engage at all. Not even for a second. This could mean that I simply don't engage with it ever again.

The only other test that might represent a problem is being physically close to an actual breast. I remember being down the beach and a woman went braless in the ocean, and I paced around for hours not being able to calm down. 

The effects:

It is a powerful behaviour change. On the basic level it seems to me as though it would be helpful in losing weight for all sorts of reasons. Having more energy to motivate myself towards exercise and things, even though it is cold and I haven't eaten amazingly. It also gives additional energy for food preparation. Last night even though I woke up in the early morning I stayed up to 5am sorting out the food properly. Cleaning the kitchen, making a large salad and doing a slow cooker meal. 

This might influence the gym as well which has been pretty fantastic for weight loss for me. 

Maybe subconsciously I am taking advantage of my bodies increased co- operation at losing weight to "attract a mate". 

There are psychological effects as well. I am noticing an increased passion and virility that changes my behaviour. It means that I am less likely to want to go on a streaming service than I think I would normally. I want to do real life things more. 

Obviously, this inclines me towards things I want to do but don't do sometimes a bit more like reading. 

Additionally. I remember recently thinking about something, thinking about a situation in my life with people and not being content to leave it up there in the abstract. The way this manifested for me was that I drew tarot cards on the issue and I did in fact gain a very distinct insight into the situation that moves me in a particular direction. 

Conclusion:

Not much more to say. Although, I have felt unblocked recently in a major major way. Unblocked enough that I might know what to say to get my youtube output going again. It's looking good!

Stay away from me with your BAD VIBES! (Part 2).

Wow, been playing guitar for a few hours straight. Feels good. Also quite tired though. Anyway, wanted to follow up on this blog. It might not be an ideal subject for Christmas Eve. I really like the little rituals we have to increase our happiness in this life like Birthdays and Christmas. 

But, there is something spiritual about this blogging. So I will do this now. 

Obviously, if this is part two, the immediately preceeding post, part 1, is relevant. I am talking about how red pill realities are getting to a point now where they are relevant and a particular group of women I am talking about who turn against them. 

So, following up directly from the last post, I can't summarise the whole thing. This is a post that I made on that same blog post:

That really isn’t a problem for me except in the few cases it is a problem. When I have met my sister, she has said things that I have heard stated by red pill guys. Like, she could have gotten a script from them (obviously she has never heard of them and can’t grasp that it is high value men who work off that information not some mysterious dysfunctional ‘incels’). If I could get one thing through to her I would say to her that guys know what is going on, and you can do what you like, but just assume that guys will be intelligent enough to know what you really mean later. 

I don't want to dump my sister in it. But, this blog is anonymous. The readership is very low. It is rare that it reaches double figures. I am also only saying what I can. There is really not a lot of detail in this excerpt either. But I suppose I will have to say a little more.

This is the crux of the situation for women. I will show this by their response in just a second. Women are fine with the red pill existing. But, uniformly, if they are not at all sympathetic to the ideas, and if they like to see the red pill as 'woman hating' or something. Then they want to put down any men who are into it as being low status and, one of womens favourite weaponised terms... "Incels". 

Deep feelings:

Possibly this is a big part of the emotional crux of why I brought this up with them. I will explain the damage they create in just a second by being so nasty about this set of beliefs. 

Me and my sister don't get on really. Now "technically", we are on good terms. I have specifically stated to her that we are not on bad terms from my perspective because I imagine she is effected negatively if I said anything else. But, my sister, whom I wanted to create a mutually beneficial relationship with, along the lines of Stefan Molyneuxs philosophy. People that see each others blinds spots and helps each other out. 

But, also in line with the Stefan philosophy of basically being honest with oneself. All signals are that she does not like me, or at the very least, is indifferent and does not intend to make any effort. After I tried to make contact with her, and did meet her one time, for the first time in years, she suggested we meet up, cancelled, in a very indirect way, then I suggested a phone call, clarified as to 'only written messages' (emails). Then when I sent messages she predictably ignored me. After apologising for precisely that in the past, she did it again almost immediately, which is something that I have taken up with people in the past... "Fake apologies".  They invalidate any future apology.

My sister is 21. She is how I described women in the previous post. I may be wrong. Of course there always has to be an allowance made for a gap in perception. That, as an example, she wouldn't tell me if she simply saw me as a dangerous degenerate and she was nice to everyone except me. 

Well actually, I doubt that. 

But the women in the previous post. When they are young. Because of the great power beauty bestows on them. They treat people not that well. 

And in the past that might have kind of work. Before red pill. There were a lot of guys ready to pick up women after they made disasterous choices in their 20's.

But not anymore. I am acutely aware that the guys surrounding her will think... precisely like I do. They are being friendzoned and otherwise ignored in favour of her chasing novelty. That things will get hard for her in the future due to this. 

Low status incels:

So lets get back to how the anti red pill narrative at places like ElsaElsa work against this. 

That same thread I carried on discussing things and the women didn't take up any issue with most of what I said. The blog owner did pick up the status point. But it was not a huge thing. One of the women I had talked to though, passive aggressively, mentioned it on another blog.

From a later post, December 11th 2024 "Morality & Body Language & Finding love", Elsa does not like da commas:

It’s actually NOT strong or high value masculine, only the overcompensation of warped masculine traits, and from a deeply fearful sense of victimhood and disempowerment – men are the poor victims, women are the enemy. Men are not from Mars anymore! (Mermaid)

Pretty direct huh? To what I was saying. It also hits an emotional point in me. If I was trying to communicate something to my sister about this, then obviously it's going to hit a chord with me. There is a reason, as I will explain, that I highlighted this point, and that it is destructive for women to refuse to acknowledge it. 

I should note in terms of 'the collective' on Elsa's forum. "Mermaid" was shut down when she came out with her feminist tripe of shutting down successful women as 'doe eyed tradcons'. A girl said that she considered herself traditional and that she had escaped a destructive feminist mother. So that is positive. Even so, I think the collective is as I describe the title. I was the one who made a fuss. I was easily provoked. Fairly directly provoked I think. It is always the passive aggressive that seem to win out on these forums. It seems to be set up that way.

The point:

And this is it. The point I am trying to get to. Is that when girls like my sister, and other women I have known. Think of their future. The status of men that are aware of red pill realities is directly relevant. 

I don't understand the thinking honestly. But she thinks that it is only losers that are aware of red pill things, and she won't be judged on any red pill standards. She thinks she can simply choose not to have anything to do with anyone that has anything to do with the red pill. 

It's what I said in the last post and it is confusing to me. Why do women think they can socially shame the entirety of reality into behaving how they see fit? I suppose, that God complex comes from the power she enjoys in her early twenties. Women of that age, in a way, do have the power of gods. Especially in our society. 

But when it comes down to it, you can't choose what the other gender finds attractive. Statistics say that men who have, what today is called "misogynistic" views, (i.e. standards and awareness of female behaviour), are far more prevalent in men that are sexually successful.

It is older women like these astrology boomers who are against all things red pill that directly assault womens awareness of these realities, that in turn, gives younger women the wrong information with which to navigate the world. If they knew that it was rich, high status and intelligent men that are aware of these things. They would take that into account. But 'mermaid' is trying to make sure that doesn't happen. 

Conclusion:

So I'm trying to stop myself going on Elsa. They are unlikely to miss me. I have recently made a video about my experience with passive aggression on another forum, and stated in a few recent blogs how I think withdrawing a bit from the digital world is where my energy is going. 

The astrology of Mars (the forums) going over my Mercury, really fits. We'll see what happens after Mars goes direct again.

Stay away from me with you BAD VIBES! (Part 1 maybe).

Ah, learning a lot of Christmas songs for tomorrow. Like, memorising chord progressions and things. Feels good.

I wanted to address this specific post. In my last post I said I had gone a bit over the top in a boomer comment section. I hope I can get pretty deep into why this is. But it might be that the blog forms so that I only mention the basics. 

Anyway, I REALLY don't want to alert the woman that wrote the original blog that I am writing this post, and I am not clear on the specific rules on when people are alerted to these things. So I won't drop the specific article. But the article is an article: Kindness, from a variety of perspectives, elsaelsa.com, created on December 3rd 2024.

It was literally embarrassing trying to communicate with these women when they don't even slightly care. But this is the message she looked at:

“What shows kindness, or lack of such quality? In particular, I am interested in this in one-on-one relationships….say you want to end a relationship but on your way out, you think you don’t owe the other person anything (which is often true; really easy these days to drop a person out of our lives & never have to see them again). Someone told me long ago that people are kind because that’s all they could ever offer (meaning, they don’t have anything else to offer). At the time I thought this was wrong….but, I don’t know. Most people drop people like flies these days. What do you think of this?

I must add that I do have a personal stake in this Q, having insisted on being kind. But I rarely see this reciprocated, especially in people my age (early thirties). Is this not common anymore, I wonder.

I kind of screen people (men) on the basis of this one criteria, first. The way some people use height, or income…well this is my no 1 primary thing to check…..I’m just re-evaluating if this is worth the bother? or realistic, even.”

I would argue, that when a lot of men start dating, they are naturally kind. Yes, there are a few that are interested in "only one thing". But that is definitely not the majority in my experience. 

The thing with the interplay of masculinity and femininity, is that men have a lot of toughness, from various sources. Part of this is that they think technically, part of this is that others are just not as soft on them as they are on women. But, being young, they probably are not going to be "super hard". 

Guys can get insensitive with women, especially if they are successful with women. When pleasing them is no longer important because there is always another. But for a lot of the time, a lot of men don't have a lot of internal defence against the positive feelings they have for women. 

Women produce a kind of emotion, a kind of sweetness that can't really be replicated elsewhere most of the time. All the reasons men find women annoying and such... "crazy". Their protected nature, and often, inability to see objectively outside their own emotions. Are also desireable to men. 

Since men are very connected to the objective world (where the wealth can be built), they can't replicate this inside themselves easily. But women do supply it. A kind of warm emotion disconnected from the harshness of nature. A softness. 

How does this become insensitivity?

Many things come up for me when discussing this entire area. It will definitely feel cathartic to write all this out as I felt a lot of annoyance at trying to explain some of this previously and plus, they were not encouraging me to explain anything. If you have something that you want to explain the other person has to be basically receptive. If they are making passive aggressive comments and not asking you questions, the conversation simply will not flow to any deeper truths. 

One of the red pill founders, Rollo Tomassi. In his book the rational male. Talks about how, due to "womens liberation", women have started to see relationships as more of an indulgence than having the same sense of need they used to have. Before obviously, the amount of redistributive taxation that we have now. Firstly, a woman would understand that a man is earning money for her. Secondly, women needed men, so there was another element to the relationship than just what's in it for her, a good deal of the time. 

There has been a lot of cultural change from earlier on. The pill being one of those. Medical innovation. 

And this has changed women in a lot of powerful ways. I would like to give a lot of personal anecdotes to explain this, but I feel that this would be a bit rude to the women whose experiences I am repeating. Even if they were not identified. 

But lets consider the world that young men are "competing in". It is said in the red pill that the period between their 20's and 30's. A lot of women are in the "whore" phase. There is a lot in the red pill said about this. But what I want to focus on is the style women have in this phase of deliberately going out, and pursuing short term relationships. 

What is 'normal'?

Stefan Molyneux once remarked about women that in their twenties. When they are looking for short term "fun". They consider guys that are looking for something long term to be "weird", "clingy" and even "creepy". 

Then, when a woman does decide she wants to settle down. At about thirty. All of a sudden the fact that men won't commit, the guys that are still coming around for short term "situationships" (a purely female term if ever there was one!) All of a sudden, the men are "narcissists", or whatever.

This is... ridiculous! You see that right? 

It shows the limits of female power. That sounds like a strange thing to say in this society. But, there is a limit to how much you can simply point at a behaviour you don't like and socially shame it; well, technically you can do it as much as you like, but it has a limit to how long it remains effective. There is a point it doesn't really work especially if it is so transparently self centered as this. There is no true morality here, and men, or at least a lot of men, and a growing number, know that. 

But the point is, a lot of young men experience a lot of unpleasantness in these environments. There are a LOT of women that will have no difficult conversations. Anything, literally anything that is 'bad vibes'. They will ditch a guy and even, if they just feel like it. 

Something that Jordan Peterson said recently. A person that doesn't have negative consequences for their actions cannot perceive morality. They don't know what is right or wrong. But there are consequences to female behaviour. It just comes later. Not in their twenties when they are subjecting men to their will. But later on. 

The wound:

And this is the wound that the men this woman is talking to are struggling with. The astrologer herself mentioned the potential of too high of standards, perhaps that is the case. Also, perhaps she has reached 30 and engaged in all sorts of degeneracy in her 20's. So the guys that come around know what the score is.

Now, once women reach 30, guys know what has probably happened. She spent her twenties whoring around which means, she is all sorts of damaged and talks about her 'narcissistic exes'. She probably gave herself over on the first date a lot, and wants the man to wait now (because she has "learned her lesson"). There are all sorts of very negative things a guy needs to watch out for which is partly why, once girls get to that age, guys just hit it and bounce.

It could also be the standard female problem of just going way out of her league and wanting to be exclusively desired from this place. Often just wanting that and not defining it as even a proper relationship. Just believing that a man with a lot of options is going to suddenly like her. Perhaps he will confess his love to her? Too much Greys anatomy. 

But there is another side of this.  A more human side. The men this woman is dealing with, let's say she is mid twenties. They have been dealing with a lot of girls that have been quite unkind in their rejecting of anything long term. This is why we are in the state that we are in. If a guy has been, in turn, ghosted or cheated on by women. Perhaps he was in a hook up situation and when he wanted to make it more serious he was laughed at. Or in some other way he was considered a "convenience".

Then the best decision going forward is simply to mirror that behaviour. Sign up for the hook up and don't get too involved. Ghost at leisure.

Conclusion:

And this is what I would say to her. This post. This is what the issue is. To understand it. She could approach it differently. Even if she didn't get a different result. Having a justification might make her feel better about it.

So the question is poorly framed in my view. The question is not identifying people that are unchangeably kind. It is identifying if someone who was kind is now behaving in a different way. It is understanding people enough to get what she wants in the situation. 

It is having some sort of empathy for men in general. I realise that is an incredibly tall order. But it is a very workable strategy. 

Perhaps she needs to show vulnerability first. Perhaps she needs to ask them about their other relationships or properly clarify what her connection with them means. Regardless of how (tbh if) she does handle this in some way going forward. The information and explanation I have summarised in this post would be a useful aid to her I believe.

But, the women at Elsaelsa aren't interested in exploring any of that. All of what I have summarised here comes under the red pill umbrella and qualifies as "red pill meanie". Too many "bad vibes"? All of what I have summarised would actually help her rather than considering men and the current dating market in an overly simplistic manner.

You would really have expected them to grow up by now. In their sixties they still hold that way of viewing life.

The gym is the way.

Man,

To the gym, I am a convert. When I get the health benefits of gym going I feel that if a religion were to be able to provide these I would be an evangelical to said religion. I just feel so good and it has so many good effects on me I can't get elsewhere. 

My weight has been; 86.4, 86, 85.5, 85.4. That last day of just .1 was really disappointing, I did quite a bit to put myself into ketosis on that day. Went to the gym yesterday: 84.5! I have previously lost a lot at the gym when I was doing nothing for diet AT ALL! The gym is the way.

It also has psychological benefits. One of the real things to get rid of grudges which is something I suppose I struggle with. I have also thought that when we move into a more positive time, a "golden age" so to speak. In that if that were to happen and "power" was a bit more equal. Like, people had more power in their lives and were not so ground down. Then if they had grudges, would become a bit more relevant (because they would have the power to enact them!).

But I also think, that in such a positive golden age. That if people had a positive increase in their health. It would be hard to hold a lot of grudges. You simply don't care about people who have wronged you if you feel utterly fantastic. If you are eating and exercising at your peak... who cares?

Of course, serious things even if you feel good they matter, and some things matte that much. But while I was doing weights yesterday, I thought about that. I thought about the girls that created absolute havoc for two years at an office job I was working. It is normally enough to stir some vague resentment. Not a super strong sensation, but something that is notable. 

But while I was doing weights in the gym that sensation was not possible to access. Life is just too good.

The deeper benefit:

But it also goes deeper and this is the point I wanted to come to. One of the annoyances that has come up for me. There is a blog I go on run by a boomer woman and whose readership is possibly 50% ish boomer women. It is an astrology blog. 

One of the annoyances I have had there is that they are all anti red pill. Which, on it's own is not a big deal. But when they get younger women asking them questions that could be answered, I believe, to great effect, by explaining realities that are red pill adjacent. It annoys me. Because it is bringing up a problem, a real life problem someone has, and refusing to solve it. In fact making it worse in some cases. (Younger women do listen to older women).

So, I have ended up, which was not a good idea and had predictable results. Trying to explain said red pill concepts. Without the red pill men are just acting in a completely irrational way, but if you say; well men are experiencing and thinking xyz and then allowing them to use that knowledge to improve themselves. Then at least there is some effort to help the individual. 

When I do bring in red pill concepts however, like I said the answer is predictable. It is 'the red pill is just feminism for men', i.e. deep state anti natalism for men. 

No evidence is of course offered for these claims. The fact that the manosphere has suffered a lot of censorship and is targeted in other ways is not factored in. 

Normally, this has annoyed me. It has annoyed me and because I have felt bad about that, felt it was a bit pathetic, I have suppressed it.  

Which of course didn't solve anything and creates a blockage.

Blockages cleared.

This morning though, that blockage was cleared. With a dopamine infused insight! I realised that I could put it back on the woman that had said that. My thought process now goes like this: "It is extremely convenient that manosphere complaints are all deep state psy ops that don't need to be paid attention to." There is no evidence of the belief, so why is she choosing it? Because it is convenient for her. She does not need to criticise any women and gain the approbrium of the sisterhood. 

And that, even though it is not clear why it makes a difference, it does. It kind of releases it for me. Rather than feeling I need to oppose the falsity it just settles me back into a place of... "Oh, so you are what you are".

That's not the only thing. On twitter I saw a picture a few minutes ago (which I can't find now!) Of a woman that had changed her content from very highly technical neuroscience of some description, to now going for twitch fame. Just chatting with her breasts out. I don't know if I would care about that normally. But I felt a distinct emotion of simply not caring. 

And I think, in this world full to the brim with its distractions and confusion. Sometimes not caring is the best thing. 

The higher self plan.

A few hours ago I wrote a comment on a Stefan Molyneux podcast about atheism and such, saying partly that the tract of "Gods plan" and such. Was I suppose, a cop out of sorts.

But, obviously I don't quite believe that, if a lot of my output is about Gods plan and such. But I do believe that people that do believe that kind of thing, it is a personal aspect of faith, like dream interpretation, and it shouldn't be used to gain control over another. To gain power in a conversation when difficult, but completely legitimate, questions are brought up. 

In essence, where I might meet atheists in my own life. Know atheists in my life. I believe anything that I might express can often be also talked about in a way that respects a secular viewpoint. Like Stefan himself does sometimes. Stefan sometimes uses God and Jesus as a metaphor for various things. Or even demons. 

The higher plan.

One of the thing that strikes me in general with the way life works out. Is that for me, several different problems I have, are very strongly helped or solved by one single thing. I think this happens a lot and it is almost as though the spirits have conspired to point us in a certain direction.

For me, that is weight lifting, among other things; and I will talk about some other related things and how they link up. 

I have bone thinning and non alcoholic, fatty liver disease. Linked to that liver issue is the need to lose weight. Weight lifting solves each of these. Weight lifting, is basically the only thing that really helps me lose weight, which I know since I weigh myself everyday. Although I have changed my diet a lot. I eat a lot more salads and such, and meat. It was not particularly positive doing just calorie counting, fasting for even a day was abysmal. What is constructive though, is weight lifting/ walking and controlling my food intake. That is far more sustainable and workable. When I am doing both of these, weight lifting is when I get a drop in weight, whereas outside of that it doesn't go down a whole lot. 

The other thing that seems to be coming about with these changes is that NoFap, six days at the moment, seven in about three hours. As the energy changes, I am noticing myself as more involved in everyday life. In a way I can't describe. I just made a twenty minute video getting very annoyed at a forum I go on every so often.

I said recently that I feel my health improvement, and astrological changes (nodal return); and how this might coincide with things working out globally. I.e. I wanted to be not engaged in conspiracy so much when something actually went down and this reflects that. 

On top of this (remember I mentioned how it all seems to come together!) The NoFap seems to be making me internalise things a lot more. As part of that I am hoping I remove my energy from blogs and forums altogether. Or perhaps at least if my output was more grounded, there would be a layer of 'shield'... as such.

Where the nudges lead

And hopefully, along with yet more changes I won't mention just at this moment. There is a lot of potential benefit to say ... "weightlifting". In relation to things like jobseeking. If you turn up to a job interview thinner and healthier than you would've been, better energy. Then that sounds like a good thing. It also potentially opens up opportunities in relation to relationships and such. 

I hope to go to the gym in the next few hours. It closes soon until the morning of the 27th of December. So to be in a great mood over Christmas, I need to go in the next few hours that I am looking forward to. 

Happy Christmas to you too! People been saying it doesn't feel like Christmas, but it feels fine to me!

Charts and destiny.

Blogging is one of those things that I do as part of what I feel I should be doing. There is a certain flow with expressing this information in some way. I figure the break has been to realise I should be losing weight as well in my real life. 

When I used to search for jobs previously. The only thing that I can do metaphysically to actually increase that was to blog and/ or make videos. No other thing. Meditation. Prayer, or anything like that seems to help with the jobseeking.

I remember when I made a blog or video, I can't remember, and the jobseeking just went into flow and I immediately got an interview. A bad one, a group interview. But something. 

It's like watching these patterns in life. 

The grand plan:

As I mentioned in my last blog. It feels as though something big is happening but I can't quite identify what that is on the political or larger scale. The drones have seemed to me to not be a big deal. To actually be things like not seeing planes correctly as covered by Steven Cambian. But, there is just something that makes me think there is something happening:

That last one is really creepy. 

There are a lot of calculations that go through my head. Like, one of those is just a pure calculation of good vs. evil. We see the evil everyday. We see the corrupt law courts. Bad health situations. Various things I will not go into. But if we added this up as a numerical thing. The fact that we see any good in this world at all, shows that the power of the good must also be very large.

If we were to suddenly remove the evil in its entirety, and only the good was manifesting. Then, what would that add up to? The amount of positive that would have to be would have to put us into golden age territory in my viewpoint. 

I believe this golden age would include extra terrestrials and whatnot. 

Gods plan:

It reminds me a little of something I have been working on. On a Stefan Molyneux podcast, called 'My history with corruption part 1'. He mentioned at the end that one of the satisfaction he gets from the philosophy he does is a kind of revenge. Where the world subject him to certain ideas and standards, such as that the family is voluntary, as evidenced by the fact that divorce is done on so little justification. So, he counters that with that if the family is voluntary, then children should be able to separate from their abusive parents. This is a prospect that the world doesn't take so kindly. Here is his human design:

I wanted to start out a video on this specifically. Arguing for the validity of such 'mystical' tools as the human design. I would go through why I didn't think that impulse was certain placements. But this is a shorter blog so I will skip to the point. Where I think that comes from is his unconscious Jupiter in the gate 39. It feels very strongly that that is the case with a deeper explanation of said gate. 

The point is I believe that encoded in our own charts, perhaps specifically in the unconscious Jupiter but perhaps in other parts for other people. Is a kind of satisfaction of even the most petty emotional impulses of us. 

Some part of us that gets a kind of ironic revenge on the world for what it has put us through that becomes part of our "path".

This and me.

For me, as I mentioned in a recent community note on my youtube. I feel as though I have gone through a bit of a shift recently. A shift that somewhat activated my gate 21 and manifestor capabilities a bit more. 

The shift has lead me to be more available to "the real world". Less cerebral and lost in spiritual matters. But also less bothered with anything not central to me personally. My ability to communicate in the real world has improved. This also means I am less focused on conspiracy matters. 

What I always wanted my "revenge" to be back when I was passionately, passionately right wing and such. A full on QAnon conspiracy theorist. Is that when all the people that had ignored me all that time suddenly wanted me to tell them what is going on that I would not tell them because I would no longer be interested in conspiracy.

That is the shift that has happened. If this conspiracy stuff happened now I just would not be bothered. I don't have the energy to engage with that kind of thing. It just feels like the same kind of thing.

Conclusion:

I have found many, many very interesting things in human design. With actually talking to people about it. How people's charts plays out like this I think is very interesting.

That strange place called "real life".

It's been a while since my last post.

Quite a lot of things have been going on for me emotionally. That I can't quite articulate or describe. I have posted again and again about a kind of writers block I have. I theorised in one of my previous blogs that my energy has changed very substantially on my nodal return. My unconscious Nodal return is at gate 21. Which is my manifesting channel. I am also, synchronistically, now gaining in health in a massive way. 

So it could be that my "preincarnative programming", lead in the direction of kind of switching into being a proper manifestor now. Whereas before, I was kind of a slight projector. Without the 21 - 45 going into the throat I am technically a projector with a conscious 11-56.

Be that as it may, like many people are voicing on twitter and such. I am feeling a very strange feeling, a very otherwordly feeling lately. 

It is probably better for me to process this in relation to my personal life. Since, it is not at all easy to identify weird sensations in the collective. 

In my personal life. I have one main task. That is losing weight. I have a thick chest in reference to my bone structure. I really do seem to have captured that broadchested, "Leonian essence". I am far broader than my father was, as an example. He was a slight man. I think this is what has allowed me to conceal my own weight from myself. 

But I am definitely overweight now. My bmi started off at 27.8. Went down at one point to about 27.1 and now is somewhere in between there. I have been unable to lose weight. But I have put in a lot of the processes to start doing so (I find weight loss to be quite the process, i.e. having the foods in to create salads etc.). My goal is to get down to what was my ideal BMI when I was younger. 23.7. Which is about 10kg. 

I have also started, now that I realised that there are apps available for this now. Doing nofap. Ideally, in order to lose weight, the really powerful thing, if you do not want to starve yourself, is the gym. It is generally being able to get up and do exercise when you can't just eat a lot to give you the energy and enthusiasm, when a lower calorie intake has meant you have lower energy. NoFap is a strong push in that direction. I've just always wanted to do it and now I have an app that does it that seems to hit the spot well. I am on day 3. 

NoFap has been pretty powerful. It has been pretty powerful in clearing my mind in some manner and making me more focused. Making me more focused on mundane realities and better able to communicate. I also wonder about losing weight, and if there is some relevance to the Law of One where they said, in session 18.5: "Nothing needs to be overcome, that which is not needed falls away". 

Having the intent and energy to do this blog feels as though it came from NoFap and it might be that "writersblock" that I have been talking about on my youtube channel. 

The idea that a lot of emotions are held up in the fat is an interesting one to me, and I wonder if, as we lose weight, we also let go of that psychological baggage that it expresses.

The world itself though is weird. Weird for more reasons than I really want to talk about. If I check in with myself I don't really believe anything will legitimately change. But something is off. 

There is more I want to say, especially expanding on my previous thoughts on the human design. I need to properly express some of these. But they don't comfortably fit into the flow of this specific blog theme so I will do that in another post at some time.

Mad politics and philosophy.

I didn't give credit for a previous decode on my youtube community notes. Although I would need to check that it was the guy who actually made it. But I will for this one. This comes from a twitter account @Cowboyw2b2:

I think these decodes are pretty much daily, or if not daily, still often. Even though the timing of two twitter posts is a little weak. When you add everything together it is not weak. (As in other Q posts as well!)

It makes me wonder about hope in general. If there is some sort of military force that is able to leave clues and prophesize things in this amount of detail. Then higher positive spirits and such must be able to do it to a far greater specificity. 

That gives me hope, and at the moment there is not much of it. For me personally, it feels like I have been gathering together all these various esoteric practices for decades. Meditation, visualisation, dream interpretation, prayer, Christianity, etc. and there are FAR more. And now it is time to actually apply them to difficult real life problems. 

The real life problem I have is that now that my health is better, and now that I meditated which gave me a powerful entry into my emotions. I have found emotions that are inconvenient. Loneliness. In a person that has been comfortable with solitude for a long time, and has adapted their lives to solitude.

Low status.

Also, it has been a long time of not having a job and so not having money. Not having money for a while, when I was too ill to do much. Well there wasn't much option. But you need money to enjoy life once you are well enough to do so.

And the thing I most want is... A playstation! Even though it feels like a loser thing to get. But I suppose it makes me even more of a loser to not be able to afford a £40 second hand playstation. 

Anyway, it seems like my energy is not working. I seem utterly unable to get myself together enough to write a youtube video or make a more interesting blog... Shucks!  

Perhaps in the lounging around I will have enough thoughts to put something together. As I was writing this I had an idea for something that could be very interesting. For years, I paid a lot of attention to a philosopher named Stefan Molyneux. I got incredibly angry at something he said. This was influenced by my medical condition that has filled me with too much adrenaline for years and integrated this into my personality, because it was my background emotion. A very complex psychological thing to figure out. 

Anyway, he wrote a response to me and I stopped going on the telegram and commenting on his posts there. The podcast was FDR 5217: The truth about mysticism. When I started meditating this came up as something to pay attention to. 

Now that I have got more into QAnon, which is a distinctly mystical, and anti objectivist cognitive process. It might be worth doing a video breaking that down. And when I think of mentioning Stefan Molyneux, I might include certain astrological relevances to his chart. Just because those are at the forefront of my mind. I would not want to use those points directly to challenge his free will, but I do want to say them. So the video could be hours long. 

Anyway, I feel a bit ashamed when I try and listen to that specific podcast that I have downloaded, so I have not listened to it yet. The emotion is too strong. But I suppose once I have, I might be able to form a video on this subject.

That was a surprise part 2

Yes, it is still a surprise. I have not recovered from. 

Catalyst is an interesting thing as discussed in the Law of One material and how such teachings manifest organically in my life. Quite often, when I get to really intense personal periods is when I suddenly have a whole bunch of insights.

In the specific case, there are two parts of me which I use to deal with the world. This is all new personal information. One is that there is a kind of QAnon/ Law of One type of mindset. One that has a lot of faith in these kinds of things. Second is a kind of Stefan Molyneux/ philosophy/ my own general skepticism mindset. It might be difficult to imagine I have that second side since my general output is so spiritual and such. But it is there.

The second one that I have for a long time thought was more reliable, relating the first one to schizophrenic tendencies. Has kind of fallen by the wayside after the election. Sitting on election night having been scared a few weeks previously of a Democrat win, I checked the human design transits and saw 1.1. Then a few more synchronicities and I could not undo that feeling. 

The result of said election where there was simply no deep state presence at anywhere near the level it has previously been. Plus, I have noted it being missing even before that. It leads me to think that the QAnon narrative I originally understood. Many specifics in that area. Is correct. This is quite a fundamental rewiring of my brain. I never stated I didn't believe in it. But I have generally not been interested in pursuing any understanding in this area, and my faith in it has definitely emotionally wavered before November 5th.

I want to, as I said in my last post, get back to doing youtube vidoes and blogging. Even though there is no direct benefit for me to be doing those things. I'm not getting paid. So there is no reason for me to push myself to do it when it is not easily accessible as a kind of leisure activity. But I do still want to do it. 

Nevertheless though, I am still recovering from this sudden shift in my beliefs.

That was a suprise.

Damn,

Today has been very weird. Just weird hyper focused bad luck. Things that don't make sense. My health has been in danger but that is not really unusual. 

I did a second communion just now and decided after that that my thoughts on Tarot in a previous post called 'Schizo tarot' was just wrong. I just completely span out of control for some reason. I am still kind of breaking down why it went wrong. I just watched that womans most recent video and enjoyed it. Although from that same post I am still going to come away from personal tarot readings. I liked this womans political tarot readings though.

She says something that I am starting to believe is true after this election. Or starting to re- believe... "White hats are in control".

It is taking me a while to put my psychological health back. To get on with basic tasks that need doing. But hopefully it won't be too long. I want to get on with making youtube videos again but I think it is a little way off.

The unbelievable benefit of meditation.

Out of all my self improvement tactics. Meditation is the most reliably positive. I would have listed all of the other ones to show meditation is better than all these. But in truth, some of the other ones have helped me out of specific binds where meditation was not so effective. So, when I had a psychotic break I could not do meditation because the psychosis would return. So I did dream interpretation. And I pray before my meditation sessions so that self improvement tactic is inseparable from meditation in a sense.

But recently, perhaps massively improved by my improved health. Meditation has taken centre stage again. I have always wanted one single thing that I can do. One thing that if I do that then I will be going in the right direction. At the moment, meditation is that thing for me. 

This was one of the self improvement techniques really heavily pushed by the Law of One, which is my spiritual backbone. The first benefit, is that I struggle a little to access and articulate my own feelings. Perhaps this is due to having schizoid leanings or perhaps it is a very normal thing. Or I have it just a bit more than others. But, I feel normally in my life, I simply can't access certain emotions. Then when I meditate I can. For instance, after a meditation session recently I was far more affectionate. 

I have been trying to access that sense of new feelings and emotions for a while, and I thought it was something that disappeared with my youth! 

The positive effects can't really be described. No matter how things are going for me. No matter how bad I feel about lack of achievement or some other thing. Low status. That half hour of feeling good, of being away from the world will still be there. And I can look for ways to improve it. Should I stretch or do yoga ahead of it? Thinking about using a pyramid or something else. 

I have had unusual feelings that I am not sure what to do with but that I have an instinct are the route to improvement for me. I have had insights that relate to the meditation that explain things in my life. One of the things I have become aware of. Firstly I became aware of a deep fear that I talked about on my community notes and explains why my youtube video output has dried up. But also from that, as I become aware of my fear, I become aware of a kind of vulnerability. A delicateness of sorts. It's hard to explain because I don't really seem delicate.

But it is these kind of things that we avoid, that I believe are thought to be the route to our improvements. Even though in the short term it seems to be stopping me from doing one of my other goals which is music. Playing guitar.

It has started to shift my life on such a fundamental level it may change the direction slightly. I have the suspicion, that after a while of doing this there will just be a bunch of coincidences pushing me in a better direction. I can feel a sense of a part of me preparing that.

Schizo Tarot.

(I decided this post was wrong a few days later but am leaving it up).

Well, with the way I experience life I realise I might not be suited to Tarot reading in general. I have been thinking about the tarot readings that I have absorbed and even though some of them are very effective and helpful in the moment. A better solution I believe, would be to have the tools to deal with those situations that the tarot is helping with that are better than tarot.

One of my strong instincts being someone that absorbs so much "spiritual" stuff, such as dream interpretation. Is to use every last bit of it and I realise that the tarot as a tool for future telling I can't really use. I use the major arcana in relation to archetypes. But I don't think in relation to tarot reading from now on.

I remember a tarot reading I gave at Christmas to someone that was spot on. It was so spot on in relation to the persons challenges that I had no idea about, that it's a weird thing to think about and during the reading, my mother had to keep on assuring her friend that she had not told me all her secrets ahead of time. 

Video of this post:

Case in point, I am going to do a bad tarot reading of this video here, I am going to do my instinctual reading of these cards:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxpIQaOuU5M

Laura's View and Tarot Too: A Peek Ahead, November 2024

These were the positions the reader ascribed:

First card, general theme, second card, clarifier, third card, hidden influence, fourth card, advice, fifth card general outcome, sixth card, where we should put our attention.

US: King of Swords, The Emperor, Nine of Pentacles, Four of swords, The Magician, Four of cups. 

Rest of the world: Eight of cups, The High Priestess, The Emperor, The Heirophant, The Magician, The Seven of Wands. 

The king of swords is known to be about truth and integrity and such, but when combined with the Emperor, I don't see the certainty that this is Trump. I would think that the Magician, the Heirophant, The Chariot, The Star might be Trump. But the Emperor is more of a long term and distinctly Russian kind of figure it seems to me. This could be Putin. 

The Nine of Pentacles is a bored rich girl. This could be the surprise voting block retarding the US movement forward into a sane foreign policy. Or even Kamala herself. Four of swords is exhaustion and burnout types of things. The advice is... There is nothing you can do about this! The magician is the direction of the conscious mind eventually leading to shock before entering the subconscious mind. The four of cups is the rejecting of an offered gift. What gift do the US citizens have to reject if Trump is President for he only gives good gifts? The rejecting of an offered gift is the gifts from Kamala's America. 

The eight of cups is overwhelm and confusion. Where illusions abound. This is how the outside world would respond to Kamala's victory. The High Priestess is the follow on from the Magician. It is number two in the Major Arcana where the Magician is number one. This is the fact that other countries have to then respond to a Kamala Presidency and to escalating global tensions. 

The Heirophant is indeed a difficult card which states that people languish in a good situation. Where there is wealth, soon follow heirarchy and entrenched power structures. Where there is chaos, there is problem solving and innovation. The only solution here is an empowering philosophy that justifies social caution and often social withdrawal, it justifies the application of charm. The magician combined with the following card is the sudden need to fight under this new situation. 

Conclusion

I really obviously hope that we have a Trump Presidency and a de-escalating of global tensions, but I have not seen much to indicate that the vote rigging has been sorted. Yes, there is one or two judge rulings and competant local politicians who are flagging things. But it just doesn't seem to me that the US population on youtube, have done any particular due diligance to justify they sudden faith that Trump will be President despite clear vote rigging in the last election.

These are just my thoughts. Like I said, I don't think Tarot reading is going to work any longer for me personally. I am pretty afraid of this situation personally and have realised that I have had a strong drop in productivity recently for this reason.

Strange social dynamics.

So todays video I'm going to jump off of is this one. If it doesn't embed it's called WHY WOMEN IGNORE 'NICE GUYS': ANDREW TATE AND SADIA KHAN, by SadiaKhanPodcast:

https://youtu.be/e0uxEsDE4aQ?si=6t2k6dI5QN8I3GoC

Going back to discussing gender roles that always feels a bit uncomfortable.

This clip was a bit of a shame it felt like to me. Sadia's point at the beginning was that you can get hot women that simply won't be approached by a certain kind of guy. 

This is something I have observed a bit of in real life. 

The complexity:

When I was a teen, when I was very young and putting together my ideas on the world. I was always told that men are psychologically simple and women are psychologically very complex. Women are 'complicated'. As soon as I got involved with the push and pull of life. Working with girls in my early twenties at the height of their power, and ability to create drama. With testosterone so high at that age (how do any of us survive seriously?) This belief system didn't serve me well.

Firstly, as women will say to me, my psychology, as a guy, isn't simple. My psychology is perhaps one of the most complex of anyone you are ever likely to meet, and that's because I have a strong schizophrenic leaning, and a medical condition that changes things around a bit for me. So as one example, it reduces my sex drive. 

I was also getting a lot of bizarre stuff from women. What I eventually came to understand was; "you know what, these women aren't that complex". What the utility of that insight was, was that when they would do weird semi abusive things to me. (I was literally stalked for a while). I could not be going around thinking that they were lovely mystical creatures. What I begun to understand, was that there is a difference between "mysterious". I.e. what almost feels like a gift from the Creator. Unwrapping a present. And "secret". I.e. the girl is exploring her options on the side. She is withdrawn not because there is some lovely, mysterious present to unwrap. But because she is keeping a secret. She is withdrawing parts of herself. 

The emotional to's and fro's of a girl that has to juggle a bunch of guys is not particularly interesting. It is kind of boring and trashy. 

The beauty.

But later, I did start to realise that when you get to know women on a more personal level, that there is a level of mysteriousness there. 

A big part of the mysteriousness of women though, firstly, they are not really aware of it. Women are also naturally secretive and they simply don't communicate in the same why guys do. The manosphere careful delineation of wisdom, including statistics and a kind of army like heirarchy, is not the same as womens incoherent babbling on Tik Tok. Womens intense aversion to introspection has been one of the things that has really struck me.

That's where this video comes in. Sadia started with a comment on how women might experience the world that I thought was interesting, then Andrew came in with standard manosphere points. Obviously, ones that he cares passionately about, and that is perhaps admirable. But in my personal experience, it is sometimes worth considering the female perspective here. 

I used to know a girl who had been deeply beautiful when she was younger. It has informed my view of the world to a great degree. The stories she told me of this, being ungrounded and unable to relate to the world due to the pressure from both men and women were not pleasant. She was a deeply miserable and tormented person. 

Sadia's point at the beginning of this video was that beautiful women don't actually have the same choice in men, and it is something worth thinking about I think. Even if this is due to her own hubris. Even if she is choosing that, it is an interesting point to consider as a sociological phenomena.

This girl I talked about, the 'beauty'. She struggled a bit it felt to me when she knew me because... I was nice to her. I am kind of deep with all my astrology and all that. I knew very specifically how to manipulate her (I'm actually good at manipulating women if I want to be) and I manipulated her to stop her killing herself. But I wasn't using that manipulation to make her complete strange sex acts or gain status in another way - she was confused by this. Knowing me, my perspective on things, and comments I made that she found interesting. I think she felt these improved her. My understanding of status and such. 

She had simply never known anyone remotely like me in her life. 

I am aware I am speaking highly of myself here. 

In a way I was playing the 'nice guy', or it might look like that. But I am not a nice guy in the sense of passive aggressive until I get laid. I am just all kinds of psychologically deep and spiritual. 

The world.

Now, going back to what I said earlier, if this is an issue for women. They probably are not going to articulate it. I imagine a lot of their experiences they never even realise.

But when I look at a girl like Victoria Pfeiffer. I instinctively know that a lot of guys who could show her a new way of looking at the world will avoid her and the ones that want her. Of course some will be fantastic people. But a lot will go for the status. 

A lot of the issues do have a self created element though, and it is for that reason I can't actually feel bad for them about this. A lot of twenty year old girls are really crappy to nice guys while they are chasing experience with flashy demons. Karma has to complete itself. But it is still something worth noting I think, all the same. 

My theory on karma is that when she is nasty to those 'nice guys'. They get angry and that's what creates the karma.

Dreams of death.

I wanted to do a post following on from this community note on my youtube:

I have discussed on this channel before opposing ideas of forgiveness without contrition. I am aware that if I am to talk about something like that it becomes relevant to explain how then, emotions are released and such, without that as a tool.

 

And I had a dream about this this morning. It isn't good 'form' in general I don't think to explain dreams but, I hope a small exception is OK.

 

There was a kind of 'low life criminal'. He reminded me of the corrupt cop in the first season of Lucifer. He managed to pull off both 'dangerous and tough' and 'kind of pathetic at the same time. He was making a deal with death and I was sitting next to them both. Death, this time in my dream and at others, has always had something distinctly feminine about the figure. Here there was no feminine form/ skin. It was more of a ghostly black figure that couldn't be seen. But the way the figure looked at me and felt, is a more feminine way of doing so. One of complete attention.

 

I am meant to be observing this story and not even able to be seen or interfere. Like a star trek style holodeck thing perhaps. Like peeking in on an already recorded scene in 3D. The deal this character is making with death is one that doesn't benefit him that much. But includes them killing someone else. This has a distinctly unpleasant feel to it. There is only more suffering for this character down this road. (I would assume!)

 

Since it doesn't bring him any benefit and I did not want the person killed that these two were planning to kill. I interferred with the scene, to the surprise of death, by asking the low life character why he was doing it, what he wanted, and asking in an aggressive way. He said he just wants to die, so I grabbed his neck in my arms and killed him. Death looks kind of pissed (plan obviously thwarted) and the dream ends there.

 

The one dream that the Law of One contact was asked to interpret they said that the dream was from a negative source so that does happen. Dreams can't be considered infallible. But if I were to take this as positive. I would think it would be something like that bible quote 'vengeance is mine saith the lord'. It strikes me that by taking this action I have made an enemy of death; by giving the low life what he wanted I have made an additional problem for myself. By alleviating his karma and the agony of his life I have separated him from malign forces, the suffering that his own character has earned.

 

In this case, the 'killing' of the character is a false form of toughness. The actual more ruthless thing to do would be to leave them to the karma of their own devices.

Annoying small formatting there. 

In my view this is a very interesting dream and insight. But I continued having insights into it after I posted this. 

Death being a ghostly black figure that couldn't really be seen is an interesting thing I think. And deeply feminine. Definitely some relevance to that energy in my own life. Death was kind of short as well. 

There is definitely a kind of misery that women in general can be kind of talented at. Definitely not all, this is not a red pill post or anything. But I remember when I worked in fast food. You get a bunch of guys together doing something that is not that high status, and they just get on with it. You would not be able to tell they had any inner conflict necessarily (doesn't mean they don't). But you get a group of women on a shift late night and you can FEEL the misery they bring to the interaction. They make eye contact with each other to communicate how bad everything is. It's like... Oh my god! 

Definitely not always. In one store I worked it was majority female and I never got that vibe. I think it happens primarily amongst women that think they deserve better. But in general, in my personal life as well, with women with depression and such. The energy of women to really engage with the misery that low status entails is really very oppressive in my opinion. 

That reminds me of this situation and how I have summarised it thus far. I said deaths energy was female, and the criminal character is engaging with that energy that is noticeably manipulative. In a way it could be talking about how people like that have women in their lives and so are subjected to that energy. Like, I don't need to bring karma down on someone that has a woman in their life that is committed to misery. Because that women day in and day out will concoct more and more ways to be committed to and spread such misery. 

Real life:

There is more to that female death though, psychologically, I believe. That black void that sucks all into it. But is not negative or aggressive. Still, not a person or energy I would want to cross. 

Way more to the dream though and the concept. Two things that both travel together. The QAnon narrative that I originally arrived at through David Wilcock fits with this. Rather than there being a magical new age fast mass change where the evildoers are all immediately arrested and the evildoers and conformists in the real world are suddenly unbelievably shocked. The idea of a slow, entropy laden society change where these people have to experience this degradation every single day is potentially a more potent karmic punishment. 

As well with David Wilcock himself. To put faces to this dream the low life criminal could have BEEN David Wilcock; and the person I wanted to protect, that a negative force (Stavatti) was agreeing with the criminal to target might have been Steven Cambian. I am powerless in any legal issue there but it still means I have emotions regarding this kind of thing. 

The dream of course doesn't just answer this single point if this were a correct interpretation. It will also give a general philosophical overview of such concepts. Never just the fish always to teach how to fish. 

I think my brain has kind of shorted out at this point. I did have an episode a few weeks ago where I got in a kind of anxiety spiral I couldn't get out of until I drunk quite a bit. I identified that I was doing too much and that dream interpretation was specifically something causing additional stress so I stopped that. Yet here I am!

Praying for others.

This post has a bit of background to it. A post I did on this blog, The Significator. Dated July 30th. A post I did two posts ago called 'Energy Exchange'. The entire theme is of energy exchange and prayer when a kind of codependent need arises and it has obviously been something I have been thinking about a while. 

Conclusions.

In the post "energy exchange", I concluded that prayer was OK under certain conditions. Previously, on a forum I made this post. This is an except of said post:

These are the experiences I have had with attempting to use prayer and/ or energy work to aid others:

 

A) In my teens or early twenties did some prayer for all those around me before bed each night. One of my close friends had an experience during that time that we both felt, I think, came from said prayer. He had had an argument with his fwb about him watching porn and she was now angry with him. He told me to stop doing this and not ever do it with him.

 

This guy engaged in a lot of degeneracy and has started to come around now more than a decade later due to medical issues.

 

B) Sent energy to my mother who came home many times more stressed than normal. Only five minutes.

 

C) Sent energy to a family member who became aggressively suicidal during this period. A very passive aggressive and dark person. Felt like he was trying to "throw off" the prayer.

 

D) Sent energy to mother again who had a sudden issue at work losing her laptop. It felt like since someone is being given an extra energy, if they are atheist and can't identify what the energy is or why it is suddenly there, they are more likely to push against it.

 

E) One that was actually successful. A female friend I had I have mentioned. Borderline and horrible insomnia. Month after month sometimes with about an hour sleep a night as she told it. I prayed for her once without telling her and she slept through the night. Phoned me super happy. Another time when I prayed for her she phoned me and said she had had a good day and was suddenly far more happy. This person was open and happy to receive prayer though. When I told her after the first insomnia thing she was happy and positive about it.

Even though there are sometimes exceptions. The general leaning and conclusion is that it is not best to pray for people for all sorts of reasons. I outlined an exception in the post called 'Energy Exchange', but I am walking that back now. 

Visiting the real world.

Following up on the post 'energy exchange talk'. From that post:

As I move forward in articulating what I think is relevant in bringing these abstract concepts to real life. I find that I can't dismiss many of the subjective experiences I have. I have to find some way to philosophise on these to make them relevant. This being something that will happen in the future though. A great deal of subjective experiences impacts on my life in relation to these concepts. But I try to make things as objective and real world as I can, in order for them to be useable.

In terms of the useability of these concepts. It seems to me that breaking things down to their most domestic every day manifestations is highly productive. 

But I also want to bring in something else. When we raise our attention to the level of all this energy work. Of things that are only perceived in the mind and not in factual reality. It brings in a whole other arena of processing the interactions happening there. Not for real of course. If we sit back and visualise a friend talking to us we don't imagine this is a real thing. Like, we can take our imagined communication and base reality on it. But, how we are engaging with this world might still be relevant. 

Going from this now, I am going to quote Stefan Molyneux as to what happens with the general process of codependency. Episode 4916:

2:09:00: 

It means that you, really want to change people around you, desperately want to change people around you, which is actually their desire not yours. If you want to change say… Sue. Some woman named Sue in your life. You try to change her, you want to change her, you keep going back. You email her, you send her messages you talk… you understand the desire to change her comes from her not you. She wants you to try and change her it gives her power over you. And she doesn't have much power because she's a [inaudible]. She's not connected to reality she's connected to opinions. Or CNN whatever right. So Sue, Susan. The desire to want to change Susan comes from Susan not you. You are a slave to her desire for you to change her. To want to change her.

 

If you were dating a woman, you kept taking her out on expensive trips. But she knew the moment she slept with you you'd leave her. Is she gonna sleep with you? No, because not sleeping with you gets her more benefits than sleeping with you. Not changing gets Susan and other people more benefit from you than changing. Because the moment they change, they go from a position of power, to a position of desperation. From weakness. From power to supplication. If they join you on the 'I want to change people' side. Then they're no longer on the position of withholding change and thus having power over others. Now, they're on your side. Which is the begging, supplicating, please change so I can be happy. I am a slave to you not changing.

 

Now who wants to go voluntarily from master to slave? Who wants to go from a high power, moral superiority situation? To a low power desperate begging dog situation. No, they're not going to change. Because you want them to change. They won't surrender high power, for low power.

Stefan Molyneux flat out sounds like Shakespeare sometimes. Here is another few lines. FDR Podcast 5345:

7 min: Dieting has a failure rate of 95%. When people have every incentive to help themselves. Encouragement. Health benefits. Longevity. What makes you think you can bat better than that. How many people start an exercise regime and stick to it for any length of time?

27 min: Your brother knows he's not going anywhere. 'Hey man you're not doing anything with your life'. He knows he's not doing anything with his life. But when you tell him that. He fights against you and that diminishes his stress at not doing anything in his life.

 

28 min: He can reject persons argument and that means he rejects his own anxiety.

From the notes I have taken, they are not nearly as clear as the previous example. The conclusion here is that you do not attempt to help people because it is close to impossible. It creates loads of issues such as that they might feel an anxiety towards change, and that if you become the symbol of said change they can reject you/ the change, along with their stress.

To be clear that does not mean you don't ever "state your case". 

In relation to prayer though, prayer I believe is relevant and powerful. It happens sometimes without any consequences or responsibility being incurred. I imagine, for instance, the local Christians prayed that I stop astrology when I saw them briefly. 

So it is worth bringing these philosophical insights to prayer. 

Conclusion.

The real conclusion here is that I am using a complex process to justify something I have already decided and that goes as follows. 

A) When going to the gym. That I have been doing recently now that my health has allowed it. (And I am a strong convert now!) It becomes clear that attachment in a real way to physical reality. The feeling of strength. Can separate a person from that 'realm' and that I think is a truly positive thing.

The process of introspection has lead me in a lot of cases to consider 'power' as a concept. Power in the real world effects these energies. Money etc. But it doesn't make reference to them directly. I think that is very valuable. 

B) The last relevant reason, and a difficult reason, to separate from attempting to help others by "prayer" is that I simply, get too tired! Someone elses issues are not my issues. Praying for someone that is continually making bad choices is putting energy down a black hole. This applies to the example that was successful in my earlier recounting of my own experiences praying and sending energy to others. The point is that I did not have the energy to continue to send energy to her. And now that my health has improved. I still don't have the energy to engage in that kind of thing. 

It is a hard thing to justify, on the positive path, to those with conscience. To actually remove energy to attempt to help others or care for them. It needs some truly deep and insightful explanation and information to do so. I feel that it was always a lie that society tries to make us be self centered. It seems to me now that society tries to make us codependent. Perhaps it makes the good people codependent. 

But this is my conclusion thus far. With all the back up posts. And I hope that it is a good enough case!

Apologies.

Apologies are something I am starting to find interesting. I spent many years, due to my medical condition. Not really processing a lot of how people behaved since I had too much of my own, biologically (not psychologically) created stress. I.e. due to my medical condition.

During this time, I developed a way of thinking that kind of bypassed a few elements of normal human interaction that I didn't really understand, or couldn't accommodate. I found it hard to grip the concept of 'status'.

However, now my physical health is improving. A lot of this output is to articulate my attempt to learn these lessons very quickly now. I haven't lived really. But I can observe. I can learn fast.

To codify this learning I am now looking into philosophy. 

Apologies.

Apologies are one area that really reflect a great deal of status based human interaction I think. I am also getting wise to the ways they are used, which is why I am writing this article. 

When I think of apologies I think of them in a very specific way. It might not be correct anymore, I might be becoming more neurotypical myself now that my physiology is functioning better. I might be neurodivergent in some way anyway. But when I think of apologies, I think of them in terms of how neurotypicals process the world. 

On the surface of it, it seems to me that the only reason neurotypicals engage in apologies is so that they can highlight that one person has animal power over another. Think of politics. When a group gang up on someone and insist on an apology. Usually getting it, and usually carrying on to harass the individual anyway. The entire point of that apology is that the target grovels to the social group, and that the group has then humiliated, and continues to humiliate, the individual.

Who has animalistic power matters a lot to neurotypicals (I'm not saying it doesn't matter to me I'm just working through this as an idea). It seems to me that it is the basis point of their interaction, and this happens both ways. A) It happens when one person expresses dominance over another and B) It happens when one person deliberately makes themselves out as submissive to another. 

The second is important because it is less obvious. When listening to Stefan Molyneux, he sometimes says when people are being excessively vague or have a host of other communication difficulties. That the person experienced abuse as a child and adopted behaviours to protect themselves. But now that they are an adult and speaking to him, he does not want to deal with excess vagueness because it is placing him in the position of being the abuser. If you are actually trying to get to the point of something, then excess vagueness is very annoying, and you have to constantly push the other person to be more clear... It's frustrating and pushes the questioner towards anger.

Utility

Now, this is not to say that it is not a practical method of communicating. Because there is now corruption and confusion around the issue. It is something I have been trying to get right in my own life and reflecting on. 

My model of neurotypicals is that they are always experiencing animalistic status. But perhaps, when not dealing in an abusive situation. The losing of power from one individual to another is part of what makes the apology relevant. It is a relevant currency. 'I am serious enough about this issue to take a hit to something that is very important to me, my animalistic status'. 

Personally, I naturally feel that this is, a bit of a circus act. To me, emotionally, apologies could simply be an explanation of what went wrong and why, and concrete steps to make sure the thing doesn't re-occur. But I recognise, that for the normal world. Apologies are a relevant way of communicating. I think though, that this is largely dysfunctional, as I will explain. 

I have probably apologised a few times in my life. These are always calculated. I have never meant an emotional apology once in my life. I have never felt those feelings. There are a few different things influencing this and one of the things that influences my interaction with others is a need to kind of settle a score. If someone is annoying me, I don't want to leave open any avenue for their contact in the future. This is quite paranoid, but it is nevertheless how I think. 

So, if there was an event in the past I want to explain my side of it, so if the person therapies themselves later, and I don't want to deal with them, they already have my explanation. If I am confused about some aspect of the past. I like to give the person the option to communicate even if they will likely reject it. So that no one can convince me, and I can't convince myself, that it all ended due to some disagreement and communication difficulty.

Apologies have been part of this for me. Do we have a good friendship that was pushed away by my behaviour that I can't fully perceive or recall (due to earlier health issues?) Then I will apologise now, and see how it goes. But I don't mean it. I don't have an emotional experience of regret or guilt that I did something wrong. It is only putting a different input into a coding platform to see if there are different results. 

The real world. 

I can remember one apology I made to someone in a friend group. Two that were given to me without me having requested them, but both to people that were being unpleasant and difficult and were seeking a change of behaviour from me, WITHOUT, I now realise, a change of behaviour from themselves. 

It took me by surprise because my model of neurotypicals had them not giving apologies, because of the refusal to lose status. But I realise, that is not their entire psychology. 

The function when I apologise to another that I mentioned, was to see if that person would be a potential friend in the future (I mentioned practical steps of not mentioning politics in general as my concrete behaviour change in relation to this apology). I was also owed an apology I believed, and this apology would also serve a practical purpose. The practical purpose being that the person was a rabid leftist that had gossiped about me, and I would have to walk on unbelievable eggshells to deal with them, and in order to do that I would need a bit of assurance that this would not happen again, that I could relax at least a little when interacting with them. No apology from the person was forthcoming because of course... Rabid leftist. Of course it would happen again. Those sorts of people are never wrong. 

However, of two apologies I have received. One of them was definitely, and distinctly, not a real apology and the second one I don't know for sure. But I also suspect that. 

One apology I received was a person that was actively disrespecting me and I could feel, constantly with this individual that he strongly wanted to be the 'dominant animal', and that he was willing to go to some lengths in the real world to do that. So I was saying to him I've had enough of this. He apologised, but shortly after, he ghosted me for two months. Which made a lot of sense to me. I could feel when he made the apology this would kill his own animalistic sense of himself. So when I got pushback like that, I was not surprised. 

Later in messages with this person I got down to it. I basically said to him that if we were going to interact, I needed an explanation of his stance on ethics. Since what ethical standards could I hold him to that would be dominant over his emotional preference. I.e. if his emotional preference were to behave badly again, what practical values does he hold to oppose that? No answer, so I haven't seen him since, and probably won't see him again. 

The second example was someone that apologised, then went back to precisely the same behaviour. This person often works to keep me in this kind of half relationship with them that I find annoying and utterly, utterly pointless. Potentially this is because at the moment I am ill and low status. But I might be of some value to them later on. I know others like this. I know people that if I gained in status, imagine like a stereotypical super talented musician film. Then these people would suddenly deign me worthy of communicating with them and would make contact. In my life, I am obviously high IQ, and some people might see this and act accordingly. Regardless of the merit of that idea.

The solution.

But both of these apologies have the same solution. If someone says sorry my now response is: What do you mean by that apology? What are you apologising for? What practical things are you intending to change in terms of your behaviour?

This answers both these individuals. Both the dominant, that think they can keep you around to perhaps have someone they can feel dominant to; and the submissive, who probably have abandonment anxiety, and are appeasing you but don't really mean it (because in their mind they are every bit as right as the dominant is!). The submissive will continue being vague, because that stuff is real deep in the psyche.

What precise behaviours are you actually going to change? Otherwise I'm not accepting the apology. And the danger that you are trying to avert by apologising will not be averted! This effectively takes the apology from a meaningless statement of social dominance. Truly meaningless, since there might be a revenge on part of the "apologiser" to regain their social status. It changes the apology then to something that has real world relevance. Behaviour that is not working needs to change. Are you going to change it? Then maybe, just maybe, it will become a functional way of communicating.

Energy exchange talk.

So, this will be my jumping off point for this blog:

https://youtu.be/KODgo6-unUc?si=tWTQgl3XE0KPg5mQ

If it doesn't embed. Then the video is 'When you think of someone, you send them energy' by Aaron Doughty. Dated 10th of October 2024.

I watched all of this video and it seems to follow on from the general theme of the channel. The general idea of people pleasing and such, as it is expanded into new age concepts. I recall this creator mentioning some Law of One concepts. 

It is a good video and it is an idea in an area that is kind of annoying. As I move forward in articulating what I think is relevant in bringing these abstract concepts to real life. I find that I can't dismiss many of the subjective experiences I have. I have to find some way to philosophise on these to make them relevant. This being something that will happen in the future though. A great deal of subjective experiences impacts on my life in relation to these concepts. But I try to make things as objective and real world as I can, in order for them to be useable. 

The Law of One was VERY clear that this area is legitimate and that visualising the sending of energy is deeply relevant. 

The points.

He talks a lot about one form of energy exchange, where someone is in love with another perhaps. Overthinking about another and sending energy in attempt to remain in emotional contact after a break up. 

While that is relevant, and I have something to say on that interaction. To me it feels like there is a lot more going on in energy exchange terms that can be discussed. 

I pray every day. I pray the armour of god and several others. I also have an Ankh and another necklace around my neck. When I say that prayer, often, immediately a lot of thoughts stop. I remember this very specifically in relation to a workplace where I was bullied for two years. It was not a corporate workplace. It was a small business, with around 14 on the ground staff and maybe 5 staff in management. 

The 'feeling', the just pure feeling of hatred being received from these people after I left (seeming, through coincidence, to kind of strategically outplay them at the end!) Was deep and insane. While I was in that business, there was a moment where I made eye contact with someone then got one of the strongest left ear ringings I have ever had. Demons ran in that space.

Feels therapeutic to talk about this.

This is one thing I have to say about the whole area and I think it depends on the specific energy field. I can impact others with my energy. But this is not real "energy", but a kind of cerebral process. I am just not a forceful person and it doesn't feel like my energy effects others unless I am extremely angry. My energy doesn't feel like it leaves my field a lot unless I am praying. 

But I do feel like I receive energy, and that's just the way it is.

Exceptions:

But, this is the general case. There are of course small exceptions.

One of them is my half sister. I have experienced yet again being hoodwinked into a kind of half relationship with her. I am not sure the point of this from her perspective. But I have experienced a fair bit of internal discomfort and a desire to protect her. Watching my dysfunctional father and his third wife and how they behaved, and being fairly powerless to do anything having been so ill in my youth... That sucks eggs.

So in this instance, I am not quite sure who is sending energy or what is going on. But it is more complex than normal. I have had close friends I have lost contact with that I never think about. But family, such a difficult situation. Is different. 

Very often I have thought about her and when I pray my normal shielding prayers and it subsides. But even so, I am quite sure the energy is not only coming from her it is also in me going to her. I also feel I might have locked off my understanding of my caring for her. Only after a few beers yesterday did I have that realisation! My rational thought process engages in a lot of "this transaction is favourable/ unfavourable" sorts of thoughts. But once I had drunk and got over that, I realised that she sits within me in a way that I can't rationalise out. 

The solution here though, I believe, is prayer. I have written previously, not here, but I have written previously on how prayer or sending any kind of energy violates free will. I have had a fair few experiences to justify this point of view. But, once you get so entangled that you are sending the love anyway, then I believe it is time to bring prayer in. 

Because once you have brought prayer in. You have invited positive spirits into the interaction to positively influence. Communication might become direct and crisper. Inspiration might abound. You are taking that emotion and pushing it through a process that makes sense of it. Finding its highest manifestation. I often choose prayer not written by myself in this part of the process. 

I can't speak for her. But it seems to me there is a heavy dollop of mutual, and dysfunctional at this stage, love, that is enmeshed in this situation. The other prayers were close connections. But not the same kind of love over communication difficulties. To express love in those other situations would have been just to talk to the person. But in this situation it is all confused. 

Insights

In the real world though, the way we stop overthinking things is to have insights into them. For instance, my father told me on his deathbed to look after said sister and I realised today how hypocritical that is. He was asking for an investment from me that he did not give to me. He was leaving said half sister with a woman that he identified as a man hater, which over time means that the relationship would likely be sabotaged. (This was his stated perception but she might have only hated him I don't really know.)

It is at this place I believe that such abstract and metaphysical concepts can be dismissed. If we change some part of our mind does it effect the way energies work? Well of course it does, and even the suggestion suggests a potentially very complex realm to explore.

But that is probably not needed. The relevance of a simple insight to change things is enough for the process of improvement I believe. I grew up with a single and chaotic mother. I also have other fawning behaviours from my illness. Will taking down my own blue pill - esque kind of thinking influence this situation? Well who knows? But these are the relevant questions to ask in my opinion.

Life equals work.

I want to put this Law of One Quote in the spotlight:

Questioner: [Aside: Jim, did you understand?] I’m a little confused. I partially understood you; I’m not sure that I fully understood you. Could you restate that in another way?

Ra: I can restate that in many ways, given this instrument’s knowledge of your vibratory sound complexes. I will strive for a shorter distortion at this time.

Two kinds there are who can heal: those such as yourself who, having the innate distortion towards knowledge-giving of the Law of One, can heal but do not; and those who, having the same knowledge, but showing no significant distortion consciously towards the Law of One in mind, body, or spirit, yet and nevertheless have opened a channel to the same ability.

The point being that there are those who, without proper training, shall we say, nevertheless, heal. It is a further item of interest that those whose life does not equal their work may find some difficulty in absorbing the energy of intelligent infinity and thus become quite distorted in such a way as to cause disharmony in themselves and others and perhaps even find it necessary to cease the healing activity. Therefore, those of the first type, those who seek to serve and are willing to be trained in thought, word, and action are those who will be able to comfortably maintain the distortion towards service in the area of healing.

Coming down from a high:

I think this is an important spiritual point that is not easy to find out there in the world. Not easy to articulate since many of the people that would articulate this kind of thing. Are either male and super high status and would never say anything like this (Male high status types are all about 'You gotta grind fella'). And most women talking about self care are talking to echo chambers. 

Man this feels good. 

I have talked about this on a Law of One forum where I got something back from them saying that it was only in this specific instance I think, as one of the point. No one engaged with it even slightly. Simply because, the people on that forum seem to me to not have the slightest interest in the Law of One. Especially in applying it. Asking the Law of One forum about how they applied some of the Law of One teachings, if their internet behaviour was translated to real life, feels as though you get surprised looks like you grew an extra head all of a sudden. "What the hell are you talking about, I've never heard of the Law of One!"

So I'll have to have a go at it myself and not engage any others in understanding this. It has some relevance to my life right at the moment. 

What does this quote mean, like really mean? They relevant part for me is 'Those whose life does not equal their work may find some difficulty in absorbing the energy of intelligent infinity'. This is a deeper description than "If you work hard you need to rest every so often". There is a kind of life that is described, captured in these words,

Equal. Your life must be equal to your work. A point here of relevance. What does the Law of One contact mean by "work"? It's a word that feels like it should have an obvious interpretation. But in fact, when you really think of it. It doesn't. I have often felt things like dream interpretation and music to be "work". The world would not agree. These are squarely in the leisure category. The only thing that is work to the world is something that qualifies as "wage slavery". 

So, to be clear here, let's search "work" in lawofone.info:

Questioner: This is a hard question just to ask, but what is the function or what is the value experientially of the formation of positive and negative social memory complexes, of the separation of the polarities at that point rather than the allowing for the mixing of mind/body/spirit complexes of opposite polarity at the higher densities?

Ra: I am Ra. The purpose of polarity is to develop the potential to do work. This is the great characteristic of those, shall we say, experiments which have evolved since the concept of The Choice was appreciated. Work is done far more efficiently and with greater purity, intensity, and variety by the voluntary searching of mind/body/spirit complexes for the lessons of third and fourth densities. The action of fifth density is, viewed in space/time, the same with or without polarity. However, viewed in time/space, the experiences of wisdom are greatly enlarged and deepened due, again, to the voluntary nature of polarized mind/body/spirit action.

There were other suitable passages but I think this will do. In a more exhaustive article this might be a section of it's own. How does the Law of One define "work"?

The term could have many meanings. I remember reading an article from a mens rights website that talked about how much therapy men get from work with their hands. Like, when you put a sword into water and it sizzles this can feel like it is changing something within. The 'wage slave' concept of work and the 'work in consciousness' as it is stated here, might be the same thing. But for this specific example, we can assume that 'work in consciousness' is explicitly relevant to this Law of One quote.

My life:

I bring this up for how it relates to my life. I do a lot of things such as dream interpretation. I do a lot to make the best out of myself. But this is obviously not normal "work". I don't get any money out of it. I wouldn't say I live in poverty, as I am supported by family. But, most of the time I only have money for food. But I have reasonable accommodation.

The point I am trying to get to here is 'life'. This quote doesn't seem to indicate "rest" is enough. It says your work has to be equal to your "life". What does "life" mean? Well life does not mean rest it means experience. It means joy. When I think of life I imagine going bowling with a mixed gender group. People chatting and giggling. 

Without having 'life' at the side of work. The person won't be able to absorb the intelligent infinity needed. The intelligent infinity in this context, is something like the breath of the creator experienced through joy and leisure. So where you have a conversation with someone you like and how that influences how you see the world might be an example. 

The way I am thinking of this is that if you were say, bowling with a mixed gender group, laughing with people and talking life over. It would refresh the individual and give them a mixture of positive energy that would then be pushed forward and channeled into the thing the person was considering "work".

Achievers:

This makes sense to me as I look out into the world because many of the people that have achieved massively have this kind of social side to their lives. A lot of the people that are out there achieving things didn't spend a long time in their lives with no friend and no intimate relationships. Playing computer games and drinking beer, watching TV. These people spend time with groups of friends and channel this level of 'life' into their work. So they have great work.

But, now it's time for humility. I have been having trouble. The reason I have been having trouble I believe is due to this quote. 

Most of my leisure things are half 'work'. Music as an example, is something that has a deeper element to it. Not only is it good to play but the creation of a song, that is hard work, also changes me a bit. It solidifies intuitive thoughts I have only slightly had. 

I don't really like movies. So I content myself with youtube vids, that still require a technical thought process. I have fiction books and other books. But they are books, they are not really relaxing. I do dream interpretation. Music. Meditation. Make videos on human design. All of this stuff is still a kind of 'work'. 

But, this is the point. I have no life. Like... No life. I have stopped enjoying movies. I don't play computer games. That might not be as much of 'life' as socialising, but they are still 'life'. A little bit. I don't have the money for a computer console. I have zero friends. I don't see most of my family. I don't have a job or any resources to join interest groups, social groups. Potential intimate partners is... well why even mention it?

Overload:

My life matches my work. I am not sure how important and relevant my 'work' is. Blogging and doing things on the human design seem profound when I do them. But they are not a legitimate career. Music is the same. These are things I do to improve myself but seem to remain of relatively low impact in the real world. 

Recently though, since turning my attention over to philosophy as a discipline. Working through some of those ideas and also, experiencing those things in relation to the Law of One and other previous ideas. I have become more animalistic. I have more of a desire for experience. My health might be a bit better; and I am working hard at getting a job. 

It is not likely in the modern economy but, I am still working at it. I don't know what else to do. I interviewed on Friday and have done a few other things in the upping of my effort in this area. But I was exhausted.

Once I became exhausted I couldn't calm back down. I was stuck in this hyper cerebral place. Experiencing my 'work disproportional to my life' is... painful. The only place to go and hide from the 'not quite able to get the interview out of my head' is in things like dream interpretation. That are less than relaxing. 

My solution has been to do something to get a little bit of "life" out of life. I saw a PS1 console today for £30 and I'd like it. The games are like £10. But I don't have that money. So I did the only thing that would allow me to enjoy a movie. Beer and chocolate!

I am not sure if this will allow me to relax but it seems like the only option at the moment. It pains me, that I will probably not be the person that achieves anything of note in this life. But, well, what can I do? Even the energetics, plus of course the disability, don't really allow me to "grind" and gain in some sort of way. I am what I am and I can't change that. Perhaps over the long term daily prayer will help. But like I just said, life is as it is!