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I did a short blog on bring4th a while back. Probably not that useful, perhaps balancing an area of life that is already quite service to self therefore nothing can be gained.
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But I don't feel good, so I decided to do a brief blog here.
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Lightly service to self reality I am glancing into but I have at least been given a way out. This. Wisdom. Service to others.
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I am very well looked after at home with my mother, there isn't too much closeness or anything. We're both Leo's. Individualistic.
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Anyway, the thing I wanted to say was Bob Dylan. It seems to me he had to basically be service to self to an extent in order to get his music done. Perhaps he didn't I don't know.
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Many of the questions I have is how much are things really guided. How much of the new age is in fact true or is a lot of it fallacy. What effect is this blog having on me?
Monday, 26 January 2015
Saturday, 24 January 2015
Strange experience.
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I have had a strange experience.
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When my psychological problem set off a few months ago, in the aftermath. I got the feeling that a friend was dating the girl I had become interested in. He denied it but our conversation started off a severely, in my view, service to self nature.
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What would happen is that I knew he was dating her, I just knew it. And he would deny it so me talking to him and not acknowledging that I knew it while feeling very strongly that I did I feel was service to self. It is based on a domination and a kind of fear.
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But, the friend told me by text he wanted to chat and I ignored him. I feel better. I feel a lot better. I also have started to get insight into my psyche, through astrology. I just feel better. My energy is back.
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This could be to do with grounding or something, or the dream I placed on bring4th. But nevertheless, it's all good at the moment.
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I have had a strange experience.
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When my psychological problem set off a few months ago, in the aftermath. I got the feeling that a friend was dating the girl I had become interested in. He denied it but our conversation started off a severely, in my view, service to self nature.
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What would happen is that I knew he was dating her, I just knew it. And he would deny it so me talking to him and not acknowledging that I knew it while feeling very strongly that I did I feel was service to self. It is based on a domination and a kind of fear.
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But, the friend told me by text he wanted to chat and I ignored him. I feel better. I feel a lot better. I also have started to get insight into my psyche, through astrology. I just feel better. My energy is back.
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This could be to do with grounding or something, or the dream I placed on bring4th. But nevertheless, it's all good at the moment.
Seperating.
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So on some kind of 'subconscious pattern', I feel I am separating from bring4th a bit. (Although I did wonder whether to write a dream I had on my bring4th blog since it seemed relevant and people may want to see it.) The next article I need to write, the next direction I need to push myself in, is to write a full explanation of my monetary status etc. There is a kind of fascism in England and in the rest of the world around jobseekers etc. Although plenty of defenders. We're still basically in positive polarity.
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Also, perhaps it's time to get on with the next phase of my journey. There are things in my life, decisions I know will potentially cause stress and I don't want to make. But I know, from LIVING WITH MYSELF, for years that if I get an intuition to do something, then I will be off doing that thing. I wonder if my higher self will shoot me into a position that is helpful to society/ makes me happy/ adequately polarised. It could all become very stressful, but that's life.
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So on some kind of 'subconscious pattern', I feel I am separating from bring4th a bit. (Although I did wonder whether to write a dream I had on my bring4th blog since it seemed relevant and people may want to see it.) The next article I need to write, the next direction I need to push myself in, is to write a full explanation of my monetary status etc. There is a kind of fascism in England and in the rest of the world around jobseekers etc. Although plenty of defenders. We're still basically in positive polarity.
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Also, perhaps it's time to get on with the next phase of my journey. There are things in my life, decisions I know will potentially cause stress and I don't want to make. But I know, from LIVING WITH MYSELF, for years that if I get an intuition to do something, then I will be off doing that thing. I wonder if my higher self will shoot me into a position that is helpful to society/ makes me happy/ adequately polarised. It could all become very stressful, but that's life.
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Friday, 23 January 2015
Extremely mad.
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This is extremely mad what I am about to say but it feels true nonetheless.
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A friend was talking about me the other day, excitedly, about one of the times before when I had come off vegetarianism because I was eating a bacon sandwich as I was talking. He essentially brought forward a different version of the story, where, to my mind he is suspiciously in the center of attention.
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But, I said that's not how it went down, and he basically dominated to insist that it was and I didn't challenge that. This gives me an uncomfortable feeling that the guy is sort of 'stealing my memories' in a very STS sense. Making a part of myself serve him and his interest of condescension and domination.
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This is what bring4th obviously wanted from me. To withdraw the investigation into Don and to go question all my memories whereby if we consider the synchronicities leading to me believing x and y then those would be questioned until they were different memories. Perhaps with an evil malevolent figure nearby leading me to never be comfortable in my own skin again.
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What to do? Well, the reason that happened was because I was eating chocolate. I can't go and meet this friend because I was too stressed and I did eat loads and loads of chocolate to handle his presence. Basically that kind of thing stimulates you to the place where you let down your natural guards. Your body reflects this by getting overrun in all similar ways. Caffeine stimulates, sugar makes a person not realise something bad is really there.
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So, back to eating properly is currently my defense. The stress meaning I didn't want to talk to this person was probably accurate. Every time I am nice to him it becomes a conversation about how he hates my decision making process and thinks it's irrational. This is the side effect of becoming very psychic. This kind of thing probably wouldn't've bothered me before.
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It makes me wonder about all these things. There was a time once when I went on a girls facebook that I know, or more correctly that I don't know at all. It was as though in a visualisation sense she jumped through the screen and into my dreams. It was a very nice dream. But the implication is, firstly, don't go looking on people's facebook. I find any looking at women on facebook brings a sexual feeling that stays. Secondly, it has an interesting relation to any porn. How much are these things effecting energy fields etc. Just touching Carla's energy field when I made a comment once changed my thoughts. As does a lot of psychic touching of energy fields.
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This is extremely mad what I am about to say but it feels true nonetheless.
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A friend was talking about me the other day, excitedly, about one of the times before when I had come off vegetarianism because I was eating a bacon sandwich as I was talking. He essentially brought forward a different version of the story, where, to my mind he is suspiciously in the center of attention.
-
But, I said that's not how it went down, and he basically dominated to insist that it was and I didn't challenge that. This gives me an uncomfortable feeling that the guy is sort of 'stealing my memories' in a very STS sense. Making a part of myself serve him and his interest of condescension and domination.
-
This is what bring4th obviously wanted from me. To withdraw the investigation into Don and to go question all my memories whereby if we consider the synchronicities leading to me believing x and y then those would be questioned until they were different memories. Perhaps with an evil malevolent figure nearby leading me to never be comfortable in my own skin again.
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What to do? Well, the reason that happened was because I was eating chocolate. I can't go and meet this friend because I was too stressed and I did eat loads and loads of chocolate to handle his presence. Basically that kind of thing stimulates you to the place where you let down your natural guards. Your body reflects this by getting overrun in all similar ways. Caffeine stimulates, sugar makes a person not realise something bad is really there.
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So, back to eating properly is currently my defense. The stress meaning I didn't want to talk to this person was probably accurate. Every time I am nice to him it becomes a conversation about how he hates my decision making process and thinks it's irrational. This is the side effect of becoming very psychic. This kind of thing probably wouldn't've bothered me before.
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It makes me wonder about all these things. There was a time once when I went on a girls facebook that I know, or more correctly that I don't know at all. It was as though in a visualisation sense she jumped through the screen and into my dreams. It was a very nice dream. But the implication is, firstly, don't go looking on people's facebook. I find any looking at women on facebook brings a sexual feeling that stays. Secondly, it has an interesting relation to any porn. How much are these things effecting energy fields etc. Just touching Carla's energy field when I made a comment once changed my thoughts. As does a lot of psychic touching of energy fields.
Thursday, 22 January 2015
The religious direction.
I can't pray at the moment. Because anything that is done has to be continued. If I pray and then move into a space of thought where prayer is not longer part of the game I will lose whatever life condition or ability I gained through the prayer. So if I had prayed for strength I will lose that strength.
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If I was to put the cross on that would get rid of some of my problems. Specifically, if I put it on I will do things having felt 'supported' but I will a) partly have my Uranian abilities shut off, and b) not suffer from losses of polarity, but not have such abilities to prove my mettle in the face of unfortunate circumstance, or not as the case may be. Since I am supported I won't have the ability to gain high amounts of polarity.
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But I feel so awful that perhaps it doesn't even matter anymore. I know there is something incredibly evil around, like my soul is trapped, but I can't feel it consciously, but I know it's there.
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I am now going to read a high vibration book. Try and follow teachings that DEFEND me from the tendency to want to become religious at all. That keep my vibration very high. Of course these also give me the risk of negative polarity as well.
Living a real life.
Man I feel crap.
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There was a girl at the supermarket I didn't talk to. I should've. If I am trying to have a go at life I should have. This is the low vibrational behaviour I can't accept. If there were only one. I feel a dullness at the moment.
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Then when I got home I wondered if posting on the blog was the negative equivalent of the positive energy I would have applied with the girl.
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This is all creating problems. It seems to me being in love is one of the most powerful positively polarised experiences. If I was in love it would all be good :).
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This isn't negative though this post. I feel a lifting. Maybe a technique I use to get out of the fact that I will experience the occasional negatively polarised energy in this world.
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Although I do feel a deliberate effort to avoid my best friend and my mother. Whom seem to hate me more and more recently, although with my best friend this is incredibly subtle. There is not much that I perceive that I can do about that though.
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The thing though is not doing a set action that is decided, it's doing what I know I should do in accord with my intuition in the moment. Once I start doing things, it will hopefully provide me some successes so I can do more. Eventually I will be able to make absolute waves from doing behaviours that have just been following intuition.
Eaten choclate.
Eaten a lot of chocolate. What sometimes happens when I eat chocolate is that I make up a crazy story that I believe is true at the time and then when I detox I feel better. Also, recently come off vegetarianism because I've felt incredibly ill in a way spirulina doesn't seem to fix.
Anyway, sent love and light to Carla and Woah. WOAH. I have sent love and light to other before and got extremely paranoid, there is definitely something dark somewhere around me. But when I sent love and light to her and wished her well on her journey I felt very, very good. I feel connected again and confident.
Some of the things I have been thinking perhaps haven't been true.
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