Root chakra results and improvement.

Well, Oh my god! I said four days ago that I was successful at 'semen retention'. Results already. Yesterday, on three hours sleep, after I actually drunk some wine hoping that it could lift whatever anxiety was stopping me sleeping. I actually went to the gym? At 1 am, came home after and stayed up! I really struggle with energy and due to medical reasons sometimes sleep for about twelve hours in a day. But I am super charged with semen retention.  

Another thing I also talked about was that I find it useful, as a kind of philosophical concept, to look at the matrix of the mind, and to focus on certain things primarily, and to notice that a lot of things, that even though they are positive and I can get excited about them. They are not the 'main thing'. 

I figure things like that are really important. Because, it is only ever our mind that really creates a lot of the changes. A lot of people know what they should eat to lose weight, or what they should do in their lives. But they don't do it. The fundamental thing we need to remain focused on, I think, is the motivation behind doing whatever it is we want to do. And to get distracted by process rather than point, is to start to invite your own destruction in a sense. (So if I say to myself 'the gym is my reason for being' because I like it at the moment rather than 'music is my reason for being', things will start to derail).

Which matters now. The gym session I had the day before yesterday, was fantastic. It was one of the best feelings I have ever had. I went to failure on each exercise, and had increased the weight on average 30kg per machine. More or less depending on specifics. It was good. 

But it happened during a time when I am eating whatever I want and have 'good energy'. I have grown fat. I cannot put on more weight. So I will have to eat salads and things and probably won't have that energy again. After Christmas/ from the 27th, I will have to eat well. I have lost 6kg in a couple of months before. I can do it, I know how to do it. But I did not commit to a diet change at that time due to various factors.

I have also identified a subtle blockage in my life. I am not motivated to make music because my internal image of myself is not a good one. I focus on scales constantly and do not want to sing songs. The trouble is with music, is that there is an ego element. "I don't want to talk about it..." Only matters if the talker has some status. That goes with pretty much every song. 

It is miserable. I got such good results from weight lifting before I thought I could do it without diet change. But it is what it is.