Continued failure to follow session 32.1. Reflections.

Firstly, there is no discernible change from the Online Safety Act coming in today! Wooo. That might be because they already have connected my identity to my social media accounts, but who knows?

Secondly, I have reached a conclusion about how to handle aspects of my attempt to follow the Law of One. I have talked about it before. Session 32.1. Instructs Carla to not have LSD, and by extension, a reading of that answer, could, likely is. To stay away from most substances and medication that could effect someones psyche. 

This means definitely alcohol. Likely caffeine.

But I have been wrestling with what this guidance means for me personally. There are a few different things to consider. The Law of One group were in a very different situation than I am in. Both in good and bad ways. But one of the good ways talked about a lot in the Law of One was that they all had mutual emotional support with each other. 

Another thing that may or may not be true. That I have been playing with. Is that perhaps Carla was destined to just do something amazing. Whereas I have not been destined to do something amazing, so am not held to the same standard. Maybe writing blogs, doing youtube videos and playing music. All to a fairly low audience. Perhaps this is it for me?

Anyway, so last night late in the night. Me and my mother took the dog to the emergency vet and they had to put him down. He had a very serious problem, he probably would have been dead in a few days had we not taken him. Any surgery and interference would probably have distressed him and not prolonged his life. 

This was a great shock. I handle things such as overwhelm, which is a repeated catalyst. By kind of shutting down. I want to be in a darkened room and such. In the moment this often makes me do well in a crisis because initially, I just don't take it in. I am still in that phase now. I still haven't really addressed the emotion but I can feel it there. 

I think this is a kind of male strategy. But I still think it is unique to me. I do think a lot of men would be more outwardly emotive at a lot of catalysts such as this. 

My mother however, is not like that. My point being is that in order to handle my current catalyst, I went and got chocolate and beer. Chocolate partly to handle the constipation, which I can handle when I am closely watching my diet. But in this situation I can't do that. 

So my mother stayed up for 35 hours straight. Not able to focus and be productive with that. Just in a fight or flight state of shock. I had already had one beer. The beer and chocolate was to come out of unproductive shock. But it was very important for me to have a second one, so I could sit down with her and cajole her into drinking wine, because nothing else would disrupt the sleepless anxiety situation she had gotten into. 

My point being, is that how I am constructing my current wisdom is that, chocolate and alcohol. For this and other reasons. Seems to be basically positive. I can't know for sure of course. There might have been another way to handle things. But these seem like concrete positive ways of handling these things in service to others. 

I have to admit it does feel quite bad. It doesn't feel like something I can TRULY justify. It feels like I am allowing myself to fall into a state of mediocrity and perhaps I am. But it logically seems to be the best decision.