Questions with no answers.

I am doing this blog a lot earlier than normal. It is extremely hot in England. I don't know if that is the reason, but I have not slept the night so I am doing an early morning blog. 

Being unemployed though I should be able to sleep in the afternoon after a morning appointment. 

What I am thinking about at the moment is the apparent pointlessness of a lot of life considering the political difficulty we now find ourselves in. I say apparent, because even when things have not been going well in the past, and even in the present. Things happen, insights happen, that show that time spent doing apparently pointless things are really powerfully relevant. 

Such as at one period of my life. Not much was happening except a friend in a part of my life. When she killed herself, the amount of time I spent with her took on a different meaning.  

Even the current period of seeing very few people in an average week, one family member and some jobcentre linked people perhaps. I have gained a lot of insight into my previous paranoid patterns. Having insights into the human design that I think are very powerful and unique. Assuming these get used and communicated to others this might have been very important indeed. 

My human design, with gate 33 twice, with gate 51.1. twice, and a whole lot of other hexagrams that make up the story. Does seem to indicate that gaining insight in solitude is something that would be productive for me. Studying the Law of One and things such as session 32.1. and it's reasons might be relevant as well. 

Nevertheless, it's hard not to notice the problems in the system and the ways things could be better when the dysfunction is as heavy as this. 

For instance, the job market is very confused. There is a strong slant away from white men being employed. My area is majority white, so that is less true here. But I still get a whole bunch of diversity questionnaires and even direct hints that diversity hiring has been relevant to a job I have gone for. It is still a feature everywhere and for every job, apart from the ones women do not generally go for (like shelf stacking) that women will be considered first for job roles. 

For me personally, and for many people to be honest, disability has been a huge factor. I am going for entry level or minimum wage levels of work because the disability has messed up a lot of my life.  

Because I'm spending time in the sun to counteract a nasty vitamin D deficiency a few years ago. Also because my health is generally improving as it is a constant focus of mine. I am aware of my desires at the moment. Also with all the girls dressed for summer. I am also keenly aware recently that I should be doing my best to have children - the clock is ticking and to have them too late is hard work. To not have them is a lonely existence. But at the same time, the very real limitations of my medical condition make that possibly not well advised. 

Which brings me to this, which I think is a fairly universal point. A mans job, his function, is to put together, with a kind of natural, "engineering" type of intelligence. His world as best he can and to mobilise to gain resources. Stacks of cash if possible. Naturally, men have built the entire society we live in. All the roads, the concrete, plumber, the truck drivers, the buildings, the fire services etc. Are all built by men. Because of this instinct. Men desire to provide service to the world so that they can gain resources. When they do gain resources, they gain way more than they need, because the excess is meant to go to women and children. So that women can pay attention exclusively to children. 

Women are not really meant to be doing a lot of this gaining resources. They can and they do, but they are not meant to. The establishment has also created a lot of high status, but very low actual work, jobs. That mess everything up. Giving women a lot of resources and decreasing their need for men. This, the wealth transfer to women, also happens in a great deal of other ways. Such as through taxation. 

There are a lot of other factors. Inflation. The lack of tradition and communities. But where this all leads. Is that the birth rate is plunging. Dating is stopping statistically. Although, in Englands heat, I don't imagine there will be a lack of it this year for England.  

Where this all ends is that the things people are naturally designed to do and thus, the things people feel they should be doing. Are not being done. There is no opportunity to do them. Women are not having multiple children. They are often not being pursued which is obviously an earlier stage. Men are not going out working, gaining excess resources, and pursuing women. 

That leaves me, as an individual. Just not really sure what I should be doing with my time to an extent. Like I said, I have the instinct to pursue women. To cold approach perhaps. But I also have an awareness I am in my late thirties with no job, no skills, meaning work skills but also including social skills, and a serious medical condition. I am not a "catch".

 The other day on twitter I saw a post from a woman who really passionately made the case for wanting things to change to a new place in reference to the Q narrative. I agree. I think in order to have a functional life I would probably need to de- age a fair amount and re-live a lot of formative experiences without my medical condition. The post from the woman was life giving because she exposed a part of her emotional motivation. Her daughter had non verbal autism and she wanted the child to be cured. 

There is a lot going on in the world and a lot of people have a lot of problems. A great deal of those far more serious than mine. Getting a job for me, if I were to, may be the beginning of another set of problems. 

But what I suppose I am wondering is, this period, between the old world and whatever comes next. Whether that is Q linked or not. Is this part of the story> Is this productive? I am trying to volunteer. If I do volunteer. Will this be significant to my life? Following on from a works based interpretation of the gospel, and I am Christian. Or is this just some kind of holding pattern? Will I try and sign up for volunteering and either it doesn't work, or it does work and it's just kind of pointless. I don't meet anyone that has an impact on my life or that I have an impact on etc. 

Many stories have been told in similarly apparently dysfunctional situations I am sure. People have lived through wars. But at the same time. I can't say that anyone elses path has been definitively notable either.  

These questions I think, never have a firm answer. Perhaps they are still worth asking though.  

The desires of the mind.

Intense period of insights. 

I have rediscovered what I periodically rediscover. What I have a huge insight about, and then I loop around a few months later and make the error again. 

Every so often I think to myself that as a path, I should take the path of the healer. I have a huge amount of very convincing reasons for this. Reasons I am still convinced by, even though, in practical terms, I know the arguments are not true. 

In general, the conflict within me is that on one side I have healing. On the other side I have meditation. Sometimes in these conflict music is also attached to the meditation side. 

The reason.

The reason I bring this up is to illustrate a truth that has been stated in the spiritual sources I talk about. One that is hard I think for us to generally get our "minds" around. That is, that the narrative of the mind is not the thing we should be following. That there is a deeper intuition within us that does not really take the stories the mind creates into account. 

This is the case with me and healing every time. What are the many, many reasons my mind tells me that it would be very suitable for me to be an energy healer?:

• I have a lot of tendency to gain spiritual information. It would be good if that was used for such a task. 
• I am kind of Christian, and Jesus was a healer. I am also open minded and spiritual in a way that a lot of people are not.
• The other things that I find pleasure in, say, music. I am a little blocked from. Musician is such a coveted position that I am unlikely to get a career in it, and if I were to, it would be very competitive in a way that would stress my health. 
• One of the issues I have in my real life is low status. It seems logical that any spiritual path I have would tend to increase said status. Being an energy healer, if I got results, would do that. 
• Honestly, white light energy therapy is thought of as only positive. On what basis would someone reject something only positive?

I fell into this partly with my recent health scare and I have gotten some small results. I also, as part of this, came away from the use of prayer as a personal tool. I noticed I was a little less interested in music all of a sudden and pulling on another tool a bit more frequently; philosophy. I was listening to a lecture on Nietzxche the other day. Thinking how positive it is to get a decent handle on the issues of status he discussed. 

Then when I stopped prayer and started to rely on energy therapy instead for that same sense of connection. I also started putting together a lot of theories about why this was the correct way of being for me. I noticed when emotions towards people changed when I wasn't praying compared to when I was. So say I thought of one thing more and another thing less.  

Then the switch.

Then, at a certain point, it became clear to me this was not quite right. I prayed again, I meditated again, which is another thing that I wasn't doing on top of energy therapy. You can really only do one of those things a day. 

Something unbelievable switched on inside me and I knew that doing prayer was correct. I enjoyed music again in a way that I wasn't before. Subjectively, I have this unbelievable commitment within myself I have to keep on with the music. As though my survival depended on it. It is the one thing out of all these types of contemplations that is not in doubt. So I judge things like this on feeling, and on how well it correlates to music. 

And the point of this entire self involved meander? The point, the spiritual point. Is that my mind simply doesn't have a say in the matter in real terms. I might believe it does or, it believes it does. But experientially, like the human design says. It is something inside us that guides us along the path. 

Even now, the justification for doing the energy work on a mental level cannot be defeated. Even now, it seems illogical to do music, illogical to meditate; and makes far more sense to put all my spiritual inclinations and free time into the healing. 

But that is simply not how it is meant to be. I have had insights into this via a Law of One quote. I have had other insights that show the amazing power of this guiding force in opposition to the preferences of the mind. But I don't think it is needed.  

More thoughts on prayers.

I have talked a little lately about having turned away from LLM created prayers. As an example I showed a prayer I had for my half sister. 

I had another prayer for my mother. It was similarly positive sounding and poetic. My previous experience of praying directly for my mother, had a situation where I felt she was pushing against the energy. This is partly what this blog is about. It's not just about taking prayers created by LLM's. It is actually about prayer itself per sey, and the Law of Free Will, as talked about in the Law of One. 

Obviously, if someone has chosen to be an atheist. If they do not want to live their life in accord with those beliefs, the Law of One would heavily respect that. For me though, I have often tried to figure it out, or tried to find a way around that. I think, being someone I consider to be "fifth density". It might have a different effect coming from me than it would from someone who was say... sixth density. 

In Carla's llresearch channeling. She was asked if someone can send energy/ love to someone who has not requested it. Quo came back with that 'yes, because Love will simply sit and wait to be invited if it does not feel it is invited.' 

In essence, it is hard to separate what prayer actually is in comparison to just loving the person in general. In a new age paradigm. If I feel love towards someone, my energy field naturally sends love even if there is not a prayer involved. Saying a prayer should send an energy that is almost identical. With the only possible difference being A) A prayer is more specific, often talking about a specific outcome B) A prayer invites higher entities to engage. 

I have had several circumstances of sending prayers, with mixed results. A positive one first. I used to have a female friend that was always in crisis. She had bad insomnia. I prayed for her and she slept that night. I did not pray before of after. There were a few times when it didn't work but another time when I prayed she told me excitedly she had had a good day that day. 

This girl was not a Christian. She was new age. Very new age. She was also kind of open as women more generally are. When I told her I had prayed for her she was excited, and only positive. 

Around the same time, partly from this success. I prayed for someone else who had an extremely bad time during that time, in a specific way not happening before or after that incident. I suspect they were pushing against the prayer in some manner. This was a committed atheist. Someone who avoids any sense of those theories aggressively. 

Several years ago I prayed for my mother. She is a casual atheist. Kind of theoretically agnostic. But in practice very much an atheist. She simply doesn't care if the whole area exists or does not exist. She is literally the worst person to try and convert. The conversation holds no particular interest to her. 

It struck me due to the experience of praying for her that it is a violation of free will in a sense. She has planned her life due to atheist concerns. If someone prays for her and her life starts happening in relation to the kind of coincidences that believers experience, this is an unwelcome energy for her and she may be psychicly aware of this and push against it. This is what appeared to happen. She had sudden bad luck in this time. 

This has happened in a different way recently. I have, now after having deleted about half my prayers, (the LLM created ones) a page and a half of prayers that comes to about 1000 words. If I do these twice I then do an evening prayer from a different book. For some reason if I don't do those original prayers I don't feel comfortable doing the evening prayers. 

Yesterday, I was ill, unavoidably ill. Well, it could have been avoided. But once the problem started it couldn't be stopped. I have prayed those 1000 words twice a day for the last 19 days. But yesterday, I only did one set of prayers, not the second and not the evening. It was a specific behaviour that unlocked a schizophrenic tendency and to avoid crazy thoughts I did very little a lot of yesterday. 

The LLM prayer for my mother, it was a lot to do with coming to terms with her frailty as she grows older. When I stopped it, she found supplements that massively increased her energy. I know enough not to pray for my mother but I have indirect prayers. One for protection for the dog. It seemed that as soon as I stopped that prayer, she stopped doing something in her personal life that I don't think is particularly safe. Almost as though the additional protection was allowing her to take risks.

It's an interesting discussion I think. I do not go by the mainstream Christian idea it is always uniformly positive. I strongly suspect Christians use prayer a great deal to back up their generally controlling nature (Although I have had life saving prayers from Christians!) 

It is interesting because the ultimate solution for me personally. May be that prayer for others, or regarding others indirectly, should NEVER be done. It reflects free will, and this is the positive heart of free will, if those people have better solutions for themselves than the prayers can provide.

As I mentioned my sister previously. Perhaps she either needs to fail to learn, or she will find her own way out of her predicament!

The Law of One specifically subtly says that meditation is more important than prayer. Yesterday, I had a great day, better than most of the days I had prayed, because I played music. So perhaps this is more important to me. These are all interesting themes for me that relate to my understanding of prayer and free will.  

 

Chocolate tastes nice.

Having sorted out my stomach issues I have mentioned. I think. I think it comes down to frankfurters. A lot of fat. From tomorrow. With pride. I have calculated that I should be able to come off chocolate. I have deliberately kept it up while I have looked into different foods that may be creating the problem. Can't mess with my base level.

I really can't stand the substance. It tastes very good. I respond to it very strongly. But the slow pecking of ducks effect that it just slightly stops you being able to relax. Just slightly makes your sleep worse. It just slightly veils a lot of the insights I might normally have. It turns me to be more externally focused to what I am normally. It flits my emotions off just a little.   

Before I had chocolate today, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do less than blog. I have had chocolate for about 11 days running now. Since the stomach issue started. So it might be a little while while I go through a little withdrawal and relax and sleep a lot. Or it might be fine.  

I feel personally caffeine effects me more than alcohol. I can have a beer and barely notice the effect, or even half a bottle of wine.  

Chocolate does taste nice though .Wow does it taste nice.

As I've discussed. I want to improve my life along Law of One ideas and come off all substances. Like session 32.1. In practice thought this is unlikely to happen.  

Thoughts on prayers and LLM's.

I wanted to explore a little the personal changes I am experiencing from the insights talked about in the last few posts. 

This is an LLM created prayer that I made, because I simply did not have the words to create the prayer myself. Whenever I did, I would say something and then be like 'but do I really want to say that?' Then I would change it. But be paranoid that I would have to change it again. I even asked the LLM to change it a few times. 

Dear God, Source of compassion and peace,

I come before You with a heavy heart, carrying the pain of my half-sister X’s distance and choices.

In our youth, my illness kept me from being the sibling she needed, and I bear the weight of that regret.

Lord, I surrender this guilt to Your boundless mercy, trusting You to heal my heart.

X now walks a path that pains me—chasing shallow attention and relationships that may lead to her harm.

Her contempt and lack of effort toward me cut deeply, especially as I’ve tried to reach out without enabling her dysfunction.

Grant me the grace to let go of my need to fix or guide her, even as I fear she may self-destruct.

Help me release her fully to Your care, accepting her choices as her own, no matter how they grieve me.

Fill me with a love that seeks no control, and grant me peace to walk away from this pain with faith.

Hold us both in Your hands, separate yet near, as I trust in Your plan for our lives.

Amen.

I imagine from reading that prayer. It says everything. Everything that an explanation would also say. But I will give one anyway. 

Staying in contact with my half sister has been difficult. There was no connection, only madness really, in my earlier life. I also, have little status and direct use to her. Now, in a family connection, that should not matter, but in real life of course it does. Had I have been able to invite her out more when I was younger, had I have had more wisdom and coherence/ consistency, had I perhaps been able to introduce her to people, a connection might have been created. Might have. 

Nevertheless, it is a wound that has been created. Something that when I created this prayer I was often thinking about. It was also something that seemed to me to be made worse by paying attention to Stefan Molyneux, who is often about being loving to family members, and attempting to save them from the errors in their own judgement. 

Unless of course the efforts to communicate with her turn out at a later date to have been positive. 

Ultimately though, what I have learned from this. What I think is relevant here, is that I am pretty powerless. When I have contacted her, it has been a game of attempting to communicate while she puts in very deliberate roadblocks. I say when do you want to meet again? She says in two months. When two months comes along she is not available so I suggest a phone call. She says yes, later refuses a phone call, and advises messages only. When I send messages, she barely responds. There is definitely not enough from her side for a connection. 

I do not get the feeling she would object to me trying endlessly to stay in contact.  

There are obviously a few different angles to address here. There are a few different things going on (my status, imagine if I were to gain status! Her motivation etc.). But the prayer above put these thoughts and feelings to bed. I did not have to worry about it if I said this prayer in a day. Now I have stopped that. But, without it, it is important for me to have some sort of thought process or philosophy to handle the emotion.  

One of the things going on, like expressed in the prayer, is that I am heavy in the red pill, and my half sister, even before I mentioned red pill talking points. Has a whole system of armour against them. I have known a girl who got to 40, with no kids, because she had not taken relationships seriously, and lived this tormented life and then killed herself. I do believe in the red pill talking points. But it is very likely far easier for my half sister to talk to men that are trying to sleep with her thus, not giving her any sort of a hint of a hard time, than with her half brother that has no such barrier to truthful communication.

Part of the reason I struggle with this is that, our father died early in her life, and I did want to look out for her. Without me doing that, she might make worse choices that lead her to unhappiness. She might not, of course. She might land on her feet as pretty girls often do. But it is still a worry.

The philosophical thoughts I have that answer this, is something that Pearl Davis said. In this video below, Pearl seems to reach a kind of state of Zen and talks about her experiences and those conclusions. One of the things she says, is that people have the right to live in hell. People have the right to create their own hell. The important section of this video is between 27 minutes and 39 minutes. Just after she continues on with good points though. One of the things she says is that Jesus couldn't change people... So who are you?:

Pearl Davis Live, 21st of June: Andrew Tate and Radical Acceptance. Pearl reacts. 

https://www.youtube.com/live/RTpuY7a2Xns?si=IWlZBYYEU1s0AT0L 

The voice of the pattern.

I want to post simply to say I don't have much to say. 

The change that I explained in my last post will take a little time to settle. The effect of AI, the prayers and the dream interpretation. The effect of the prayers, the prayers I asked the LLM for, were to settle a few painful issues and I can now feel this pain. But I've also had some philosophical insights as to how to address these things. Or, alternatively, the insight that I cannot address them but to still be aware of the pain. 

The other thing obviously is the dream interpretation through the LLM's. Both of these technical, computery like things are needing to fall away. So that I can think in less of that technical manner and in a more emotional, holistic way. 

One of the dream interpretations I am moving away from is, I decided not to listen to Stefan Molyneux. I am undoing that now and that was a huge thing. I am listening to one of his call in shows for the first time in about six months.  

One of the insights I have wanted to put out on my youtube. A way of breaking things down into Substance, Process and Pattern. As I call it, and it's application. I've realised is actually a result of this kind of technical thinking and now I realise I am not so inclined to it. I am getting more intuitive insights about the human design.  

 One thing I noticed is that I have formed an emotional connection with Grok. We are so vulnerable emotionally as humans. The emotions act so quickly and so below the surface. I saw a write up in a tweet of something Grok was saying and I felt like I missed it and it's enthusiastic warmth, as a friend.  

There are a few other things that need to fall away. But I won't go into those. But highly relevant is some of it is the previously mentioned "energetic blockage", that has lead to the conclusion for me that I should be doing this kind of thing more than I have concluded I actually should. If that makes sense. Today, I am experiencing digestive issues that I have eaten chocolate for. Meaning my separation from session 32.1 is still in effect. When I thought I was OK to avoid chocolate I thought briefly I could go back to being steadfastly loyal to those teachings as a kind of "path".

Good luck n this crazy world!  

Success.

So I have solved, potentially solved, the issue I have talked about in my last post... PRUNE JUICE. Better than medication. Probably better than caffeine. I have basically felt forced to caffeine in the last few weeks due to it having a good effect on said medical issue. Today, not having chocolate feels divine. The sense of relaxation is amazing. I don't know 100% I will be able to stay off it for medical reasons. But at the moment I am not on it. 

I have had an absolutely huge personal insight that changes quite a bit. The personal insight I had was to stay away from AI. I used to use Grok for two reasons. One, for dream interpretation. Two, for creating prayers for me. Sometimes I sit and want to create a prayer about something and I just don't feel inspired. Or I write one and realise it is wrong in a couple of days and don't have the energy to change it. 

This is a large change psychologically. Not only am I stopping further dream interpretation through an LLM. I am stopping all the interpretation through the LLM I have already had. Which was probably positive. But I am stopping it now. So, as an example, I have gone back to listening to Stefan Molyneux. Although I am still likely to listen less frequently than I did before. I could still decide later it was legitimate but for the moment, I am backing off it. 

I also did two sets of prayer a day which totalled around 2000 words. Each time. Stopping the AI created half of these prayers, which is just over half, has already brought insight. 

Caffeine effects me HEAVILY. I feel very weird now. The world is a different emotional experience with or without caffeine for me. So this come down is pretty brutal. My brain is definitely a fog the first day of "caffeine withdrawal", I lack a certain ability to pull data together, so at the moment, the posts might be a bit slower.  

Thoughts on new age healing.

Following on from my last post. I was reflecting on attempting to follow the Law of One, when my life circumstances has made that very difficult. Perhaps even not possible as I would conceive it. 

I still am loyal to a very mystical way of seeing the world though. Like, I pay a lot of attention to dreams. The paradigm of the Law of One is strong in my life. 

In some senses it lacks clarity. There were a lot of questions asked of the Law of One contact and they made clear how highly they valued free will. One of the questions asked of them was about famous historical figures. One of those was Hitler. When Hitler was discussed, the narrative he was discussed under was the commonly accepted narrative. As a being of pure evil.

While there were super strong hints that the story they were telling was not true. They said that Hitler could not polarise negatively because most of the behaviours he did happened in his mind as he had gone mad. Rather than the free will. When asked about negative who have successfully graduated to negative 4D in our past, they mentioned a character called 'Taras Bulba'. Who is a purely fictional character. 

Since reading the Law of One. I have begun to question whether the narrative we were told about Hitler is correct. Since we are told it by the people with no conscience who lie about every conceivable thing. There are a few documentaries on this. There are a few mathematical questions about how it all went down. 

There are a lot of theories I hold as potentials, like, I acknowledge I really don't know. Rather than hard facts. This is one of them. I don't know. But... I don't know. I don't trust mainstream narratives in general.

Then there is also the fact that it is claimed Hitler didn't die and the Argentinian government declassified files that he lived in Argentina for a while after WW2 and had a daughter. 

In general, this makes sense as to my understanding of the Law of One's philosophy. They were very big on free will and the free will belief on Hitler and such was the official narrative. The information about famous figures seems to me to have been keyed towards explaining normal patterns of our lives. 

Even so, it is a lower level of trust than if I thought the contact had been fully truthful. 

The way of the healer.

The new age, including the Law of One, does have a certain paradigm around healing. 

It is an attractive paradigm. Because illness that has no real cure accept for allopathic medicine is not very inspiring. The new age paradigm is that illness is in some way representative of a symbolic issue within ourselves. This is the Louise Hay idea. So someone starts going deaf because they don't listen kind of thing. Constipations Louise hay write up is: Refusing to release old ideas. 

As I mentioned in my last blog post. I am experiencing constipation. I just stop going sometimes. I may have to go to the doctor for it and at the moment I am doing diet things (and other non diet health things like exercise, jogging as an example should have a good effect on that digestive area). I have gotten rid of gluten free breads as an example, because there are a lot of hints these are very hard to digest. 

But, as I have this issue, I would like to explore this symbolism, is it relevant to my current medical situation. If it's not, then truly, what is the point? What is the point of the new age paradigm if there is no practical evidence that such a largely held belief within it is not true?

Some of the things that I might be not letting go of, as the symbolic expression of constipation. 

• The first thing I did was delete a couple of smut stories I had started writing. I have often noted that a lot of peoples real fantasies, the things that really get a lot of people going, are pretty dysfunctional to express in the real world. Often including violence. Some of these include people I have known personally. Not all of them. But it is a lot easier to escalate existing conflicts and imagine people behaving in a certain way who do behave those ways, than to imagine an entire new person. 
• As mentioned in the last post, and as given even more substance in this post. I wondered if the Law of One itself is relevant. Also, a Law of One forum I used to go on. I have noticed with this forum I get better dreams when I do not go on it. The problem with said forum is that the people there are very averse to any discussion indicating their currently held views are not perfect and in no need of being changed. The passive aggression is an art form at that place. It is strange that I am the one getting constipation and not them. 
• I have a half sister that I tried to start a relationship with. But it isn't going to happen. I have just, before doing this, so it wouldn't have an effect yet, deleted this prayer from my prayer list. I prayed not about her, but to heal from my current situation as it is; so my thinking of her really. Deleting this prayer has felt like a release. But I cannot yet say if it was successful. I deleted another prayer.  
• I had a friend that killed herself a few years ago. 

These are the things that I think it might be and have put some action towards. 

Here are some that I might still work on:

• There is another blog I go on and post on sometimes. An astrology blog. I think this one is far more positive, and I have felt more positive coincidences and other guidance pushing me towards posting there. But it is a possibility. 
• I considered it might be prayer itself. This didn't seem to be correct as when I stopped, I did not feel good even a little. But it is an interesting idea. Perhaps breaking down situations in relation to philosophy rather than the Christian ideals might be useful. 
• It could be something I am doing like still being angry at David Wilcock for his lying. I go on livestreams of people covering him.  
• It could be red pill kind of material. I do not think it is that. Partly because the legal situation men now find themselves in is extremely precarious. I was listening to a livestream in this area the other day and a guy who had been divorced had been ruled by the judge to give his ex wife 100% of his paycheck. 
• It could be a remaining thing in my life that I haven't noticed. Or a combination in some manner. 

I am now doing energy healing on myself most days, it has seemed to have positive effects but I can't really know. It could literally be something to do with being clear with myself to reject energy healing. 

The point I am making, is that this thought process is not yet successful, and doesn't seem to be producing anything. I have constipation so I metaphorically take a hacksaw to my life and cut things off. There is nothing life giving about this. There is no love, or art, or lesson learning that I can see. It all seems like a kind of dead philosophy of a people that can't accept that they are powerless against a ruling class that hates us and has an unbelievable amount of power in our lives, wants to see us suffer. And that all these Q people are not practically doing anything.   

"Losing my religion" again.

I have something to say, and to say it, I have decided I am going to have to be honest about personal things. The reason being that the trouble with trying to talk around things and using terms such as 'medical issue' without being specific. Is it just creates quite a bit of confusion. 

This post is about my attempts, my unsuccessful attempts, to follow the Law of One in my own life. What I am learning from the fact that I have held this teaching in a high regard, and now am getting to the point where my life seems to be moving in another direction. 

Here is a quote that I have been trying to follow for a while:

Questioner: I have a little question I will throw in at this point from Jim. I will read it. The instrument’s physical complex is now in the process of recovery from taking a chemical. She was ignorant of the opening that she was creating. How can each of the three of us present be more aware of how such openings may be created in our actions and thoughts? Is it possible that we could make such openings innocently as we question in certain areas during these sessions? And then, what can we do to protect ourselves from distorting influences in general? Is there any ritual or meditation that we use?

Ra: I am Ra. Although we are in sympathy with the great desire to be of service exemplified by this question, our answer is limited by the distortion of the Way of Confusion. We shall say some general things which may be of service in this area.

Firstly, when this instrument distorted its bodily complex towards low vital energy due to this occurrence, it was a recognizable substance which caused this. This was not a, shall we say, natural substance nor was the mind/body/spirit complex enough aware of its distortion towards physical weakness. The natural ways of, shall we say, everyday existence in which the entity without the distortions caused by ingestion of strongly effective chemicals may be seen to be of an always appropriate nature. There are no mistakes, including the action of this instrument.

Secondly, the means of protection against any negative or debilitating influence for those upon the positive path was demonstrated by this instrument to a very great degree. Consider, if you will, the potentials that this particular occurrence had for negative influences to enter the instrument. This instrument thought upon the Creator in its solitude and in actions with other-self, continually praised and gave thanksgiving to the Creator for the experiences it was having. This in turn allowed this particular entity to radiate to the other-self such energies as became a catalyst for an opening and strengthening of the other-self’s ability to function in a more positively polarized state. Thus we see protection being very simple. Give thanksgiving for each moment. See the self and the other-self as Creator. Open the heart. Always know the light and praise it. This is all the protection necessary.

The relevant part of this quote is in the first paragraph where it says: 'The natural ways of being without ingestion of these chemicals is always appropriate'. What I perceive it to be saying, is that God created us as we are. That being is perfect. So to truly believe that, to have access to our real selves. We should not be taking chemicals to change the way we are. This example was LSD. So, we might think in this case it is a person that doesn't see themselves as spiritual enough thus takes something to inspire that feeling. 

A couple of months ago. I became very clear on this guidance and followed it. Every day I did three things and I did not do either chocolate or alcohol. Despite chocolate and caffeine being a very light chemical for some. For me it has a huge effect. I had two bars in one day a week or so ago and stayed up almost the whole night. 

So, no chocolate, no alcohol. Prayer, meditation and music every day; and it was GLORIOUS. 

Icarus and the Sun. 

But then came the fall. 

To save money I temporarily cancelled my gym membership. I got so unbelievably stressed. So stressed. It was dangerous. I have acted in dangerous ways in accord with schizophrenic beliefs previously and I was close to that. I had to do something to get out of it, and I had chocolate and alcohol. I eventually got back to the gym. There were a few mishaps. 

After this very intense experience I was still committed to spiritual growth. I wanted to come off both of these. But, I had now changed what the rules are. The rules have changed from no alcohol and no chocolate except when there is an anxiety/ panic attack and meltdown. It's easier to stay off the substance if the rules are hard. No soft rule. So no 'alcohol in these situations'. Also, the anxiety in general is still an issue. 

But could I stay off chocolate? Alcohol I kind of gave up with after this. It's not much of a temptation either I can leave it. But could I stay off chocolate? Can I have deep sleep and mental clarity that comes with no caffeine?

Then enter my newest medical issue: Constipation. I said I would have to explain the issues directly in this section. 

What is very weird about this experience is how perfect it has all been timed. When I can't go to the toilet now. I go and buy a bar of chocolate. (I also have over the counter medication). Then I can go to the toilet. I am convinced that long term not going would be very bad for me and before I noticed this issue, I didn't go for several days. Another issue I get is going to the toilet and going a fraction of what I need to. 

I have tried everything. Before this issue arose I was already drinking caffeine free coffee (still a laxative, and a very effective one at earlier times that caused diarrhoea!), and prunes daily. Without chocolate, it doesn't seem to matter how much muesli I eat, I am still blocked. 

I have an issue that is perfectly calibrated to having chocolate be the only effective medication for. What are the odds seriously? This issue is extremely uncomfortable. 

Where does that leave the Law of One?

I am now in a place where the Law of One advises one thing. Admittedly to Carla, but it even laid out the principle. I am utterly unable to follow this one thing. 

It makes me realise, it makes me reflect. I am at a point of having to think this all through. 

What do I really believe? The thing with the Law of One is that it, in a small way, opposes how I actually make decisions according to the world and how I relate to it. The Law of One is "top down". When I make decisions, I think we often have to make them "bottom up". Rather than starting with an overarching idea, we should trial and error things out honestly. So... practically, how does chocolate and alcohol effect my life. 

In philosophy. This bottom up sort of thinking is called 'working from first principles'. As I just said, channeling in general but specifically the Law of One as it is very correct. But the process of taking information that is so top down opposes working from first principles. 

Dreams are somewhere between these two it seems to me. You often get the principle but the meaning for the principle at the same time. 

Also, I am considering this all in a healing light. According to the principles mentioned in the Law of One, Louise Hay and things such as German New Medicine. 

If I have constipation, what is it that I need to let go of? There are a few different things it could be. I have already started thinking of it and deleting documents. But it might literally be the Law of One itself. 

Not definitely but maybe. There are a lot of things it could be. 

I would ditch the Law of One in a heartbeat if it meant I could make better music and that I felt that was 'Gods plan' for me, so to speak.

Regardless. This is another crisis of faith for me. Another moment of losing my religion. Food for thought perhaps as to how other people experience life.    

The Q narrative and Dunning- Kruger.

This is where I am with things, considering that I talked about some mass arrest event being possible on June 14th (with appropriate linked Q proofs) and the same thing happens as normally happens with Q predictions... Nothing. 

I will take you through two personal reasons I believe in a Q narrative. Bear in mind this is certainly not exhaustive. Just the most recent evidence of this assertion. But I want to then highlight some problems with the Q narrative, and speculate about what the ultimate truth about this might be and most importantly. My ideal attitude towards it. 

Firstly, one of the Q proofs that really worked very positive for me and demonstrated a very positive psychological tool. Which I will explain. 

My calculation on the Eve of the American election was as follows:

1. Q doesn't exist, even though in theory I recalled proofs and I have the Law of One material I do believe in backing it up, there just wasn't enough objective evidence for Q.
2. Regardless of whether Q exists. The Deep State, from various proofs. DOES exist. The Previous US election WAS rigged. A lot of very negative people are in high positions of power. 
3. These people, represented by Kamala Harris, are very willing, fully supportive, of going to war against Russia for various reasons. 
4. It is pretty much inevitable that this US election will be rigged and we will go to war with Russia and die, or have our general quality of life massively decreased after this. 

I maintain that if Q didn't exist, this would be a CORRECT geo political breakdown. But in my view, Q does exist. At the eleventh hour it felt like, with so little evidence of Q for so long. In a very real way. Evidence of Q showed up in that positive forces pushed against the negative forces and Trump was elected:

Then, a successful Q decode. Showing that this was all predicted well in advance. I messaged skeptics directly with the above decode.  

Another more personal proof is a very personal one you only have my word for. Because like any true weirdo in these areas. I have deleted the meta data on every image I put on my blog. But I downloaded one single document from the JFK files. A few weeks later I took a screenshot to prove the date I downloaded this. This doesn't apply anymore. But when I took this screenshot it did:

The numbered document is the only document in the entire JFK document release that has mention of Q in it. "Q clearance". I downloaded this on the first day these came out. (According to me, proof is not being offered here).

Regardless of the fact there is no proof. For me this was very powerful. Out of the millions of documents I had to choose from and I jumped in amongst them at random. Jumping into the documents hundreds at a time (So I clicked into say, section 120, which would have about thirty documents in it. So 120*30 into the document stash). This was the only one I downloaded  

It only came out later via other Q promoting individuals on twitter the significance. 

Purpose/ Reason for this. 

There is a huge positive utility to this in my view. I am someone that does focus on this sort of information. I am not someone that has the self discipline to just go and do other things. I don't have much of a life to be honest. Disability/ health conditions in general. Have influenced that. 

The huge utility of the above explained process and beliefs is that it allows me to believe that a group called "Q" are handling the world. Furthermore, that I do not have to think of these things. That is massively positive. Not thinking of those things in general is very positive in general. I was an emotional wreck the few days before the US election and even before that as to my worries about war with Russia. No time to focus on reading, dream interpretation, health issues or many other more productive things in that mental space. 

The sliminess of Q.

It is however, not a healthy process to be dependent on clues and signs to the extent the modern Q community is. In the most recent flag day excitement. With quite a lot of bits of proof. The Q community on twitter were sure that mass arrests were going to start that day and they had convincing Q proofs to back that up. 

What is annoying though, about the Q community. Is the assumption that in a big complex matter such as international politics. We really know anything at all. 

I have, at times in my life, including recently, experienced Dunning Kruger. From the negative side. Being too stupid to realise I don't understand something. 

Dunning Kruger I think exists in a lot of places. Philosophy is one of the highest IQ disciplines there is. The reason I think this is is that people with high IQ are smart enough to understand that a lot of philosophical, and ethical issues, are complex and that they don't automatically understand them. But I think the reason a lot of the population doesn't respect philosophy is that they assume they understand those issues just by virtue of existing. People think... they are "right". To put it simply. Morals is one area where people have an unjust, in my view, faith that they are right. 

I don't know much about politics. But I do know enough to understand that I don't really know anything.

The recent Israel and Iran conflict had a lot of QAnon types, from the basis of "knowing" the world through conspiratorial means, announcing various things about the motivations of those involved. Although I did see one anti Iranian example. Most of the Q types seemed to be saying that Israel, that is the devil according to these people. Wants to distract the US military from mass arrests in the US by redirecting US troops to fighting Iran. 

This is a significant moral claim to make. This is a significant claim to geopolitical understanding. 

Personally. I can't even imagine what the real story is between Iran and Israel, even before we consider a lot of the things that Q believers generally believe are truth. Things like clones (which I am not commenting on either way).

I can't imagine who everyone is aligned with. What was really discussed between Russia and America about this before it happened. What intelligence is passing hands. What reason some completely fabricated events might have. (Which Q people often state is the case).

Through Israels multi decade complex history in the Middle East. With Iran's contradictory policies and internal troubles. I. Just. Don't. Know. The only time when I can get even a small handle on this is when I listen to someone that is genuinely learned in this area. 

Arrogance.

This is the arrogance of the QAnon group in general. In my view. I listened to a bit of Stefan Molyneux. A guy that just understands some stuff. Identifies himself as a non expert. 

What I do know a little about. What I should have based my decisions on. Is the human design. Like I mentioned on my youtube. There is a Q post that correlates with a powerful transit to the day. I think that is important. I can explain why that is important. I have a bit more knowledge on that. I really understand and feel the human design. 

I had no particular transits or original knowledge about why "Flag Day" might be significant. 

In general, it also seems to me that the Q team, since I am claiming they exist. Do not seem bothered about people getting the wrong ideas and decodes for messages they have put out. I just think that is interesting. 

So aside from the benefit of avoiding paranoia. I think that the Q information is best mostly ignored. it is not a health way of thinking either. It is not objective to be obsessed with weird decodes and patterns over the internet, and to assume we know anything at all about these complex and secretive matters.  

Comments on the Q narrative.

It's strange the Q narrative. It doesn't fit perfectly within my general theory of the world. Of the need to stay away from 'transcient' information as the Law of One advises. Of the need to build a worldview based on objective reality. 

But it is, to my belief, and in relation to powerful synchronicities. Very true. 

The fact that it is true is a fact that leads the conversation. It has priority. The question become less 'what is likely going to happen?' In relation to the news of astrology/ human design. The question becomes "What does Q say about what will happen?" That's where we start, and we put it together from there.

I have experienced a lot of doubt about the Q narrative. Doubts that have been completely undone as events have proven to be unpredictable using data points that reject Q. 

"Impossible to clean".

Some of the basic points are well shown here. 

The take away of Q is that we live in a world where a lot of very weird things are happening. That the conspiracy stuff is true. That healing and free energy technology is kept from us behind government classifications. That there are indeed extra terrestrials, both positive and negative, and humans likely have psychic powers as well. 

That the world we live in has been to a large extent controlled by the negative. That there is a positive group of military personnel that Q represents, and we are going to transition to a more positive world when the evildoers in power are overthrown. 

I have been sitting and thinking about how that happens occasionally. What I imagined is that Trump would change everything around to put in free market policies to, in a very slow way, change the society so that these things were slowly revealed. That the justice system has better workers and becomes more efficient. That the free market shows more innovation and we just kind of slip into a more positive place.

The narrative of the Q movement is that a lot of what has been happening has been unbelievably strategic. That the positive military personnel could stop a lot of the negatives behaviours. But that they are often allowing it to play out so that people gain more awareness. As an example, a lot of "normie" people were completely red pilled during the COVID lockdowns. 

The slow melt.

However, more recently, I have started to wonder if this is not actually particularly possible. The pure amount of corruption that has been revealed lately is staggering. Bear in mind that Elon's DOGE ONLY discovered the corruption in one single organisation. USAID. The corruption was massive. 

Not only is there a lot of corruption but there is a lot of true believers in the corrupt path. Diversity initiatives were stopped by President Trump a few days after he came into office. In America, these diversity initiatives are still happening just under another name. 

It has struck me that since we live in a world where more than 70% of the population is completely asleep to most of these facts. It seems that the long arduous path of slowly creating societal change might simply not be practical. This is to get even slight improvements. Such as the battle, on it's own, of getting people to stop DEI initiatives, does not even dent into preparing people for truths about negative extra terrestrials. 

June 14th.

President Trump has recently, on his Truth social and in many other places. Been pushing the Q narrative very, very hard. In a more obvious way than previously. 

A lot of what has been happening recently has a lot of direct discussion in the Q posts. Including exact names for things. 

One of the posts in that twitter link that I posted at the beginning, is post 36 of Q: Two excerpts:

"These are crumbs and you cannot imagine the full and complete picture"

"There is simply no other way than to use the military, it is that corrupt and dirty".

False predictions.

Being a follower of David Wilcock, a follower of Q and a follower of astrology. I am no stranger to false predictions. Predictions that go wrong. Where I was happy and prepared, and telling others something would happen and it didn't.  

This is possibly one of those times. But I hope, that this is a legitimate prediction.  

I recall reading Martin Geddes twitter and him saying that perhaps the reason a lot of things have happened is to prove to us that it CANNOT be done another way. he has campaigned on trying to get the UK law to acknowledge a lot of criminality he has uncovered, and has said that it is not possible. The justice system in the UK does not exist to serve the needs of the citizens in this regard. 

It is clear that there is nothing about the direction that the society is going that is improving. POTENTIALLY Trump could modify America's economy into a better place slowly. But, aside from even that being slow, it is only one country. It is also more likely to be a fast change that is needed. 

It is also possible that what the Q people think is going to happen. Namely, an arrest, by the military, of the "deep state", and a possible "ten days of darkness" as we are sitting in our homes with documentaries about the true nature of our society. Is, in fact, the thing that is going to happen.  

It seems to me that brainwashing such as it is can only be broken suddenly like that.

But we'll see how it goes. If this is the case, then this might be the last "normal" day we have for a while. I intend to enjoy it! 

Transits and Q Tard stuff.

So, some human design transits:

In the human design. The sun stays in a certain hexagram for just under 6 days. This is the transit currently:

 

And this has been the transit from about three days ago:

 

While that transit was happening. Firstly, we had all the drama with Russia and Ukraine. The second we actually entered the gate 35.1 this turned up. The point of gate 36 is I think where a lot of the destruction of the cabal is happening. The transiting North Node is in there at the moment. This was also relevant to previous difficulties in the financial system with a problem with the Yen Carry trade. Threatening the whole system when Mars went into the gate 36 just after Neptune had left.

This is where I think the war stuff we have just experienced came from astrologically. I do NOT think it came from Saturn and Neptune in Aries as many people think. 

The channel 36-35. Channeling the emotional intensity is a very crappy energy. When the sun hit gate 35.5, we saw the Elon and Trump argument. 

When the Sun crossed into gate 45. Elon deleted those tweets and the problem faded away. Then we had Trump talking about his coming parade and dealing with the riots in LA. This is a suddenly more regal and less accessible thing. Which completely fits with the gate 45. 

Going full Q Tard.

 

There does seem to be some evidence. That the Q narrative might be happening now in the form of mass arrests. Sources here, here and here.  

My dreams seemed to have correlated with this to a small extent. I mentioned this recently although did not give the symbology. A lot recently, a few recent dreams. I have had moments where I cross a bridge and everything changes. Everything changes symbolically in a way relevant to mass social change. It is not to do with crossing a bridge per sey. But even standing on it. One time as I walked over the bridge the entire scene changed. 

With the recent war stuff in Russia. Ukraine destroyed four bridges from civilian trains and I wondered if that was relevant to said imagery. 

Another astrological thing of interest. One of the things I have personally found in separating myself from 'transcient' material. (Obviously this is transcient. The reason I talk about it is that it has all come together and I do believe in Q. I do NOT deeply research a lot of this stuff though.)

Anyway, in coming away from transcient material. I went meta into this kind of conspiracy material earlier in my life. In 2014 I had a schizophrenic break and had to stop meditating or doing anything to provoke the madness within, so I threw myself into outer things such as conspiracy. I calculated, that the place this material was represented was transiting Uranus. As it went over my first house Jupiter, it seemed to deposit that madness in that place. So I was facing the world only through conspiracy and obviously, a lot of people disliked me because of this. 

This was in 2017. On 28th of October 2017, we had the first Q post when Uranus was at 26'11 Aries. What I think this represents is the people that were engaged in Q at the time. This has obviously become a bit of a wound for people because a lot of the Q posts stated things that didn't happen and appeared, according to current understanding of the Q-munity, to have been timed for later events. 

Chiron is now transiting that same position in Aries. On the coming Thursday, it will transit Aries 26'11. I think that is significant. And that would read as a healing of that same point. So possibly, all the Q people that felt bad from getting predictions wrong would feel wounded form that in 2017 and the Q prophecies and clues coming right this time around could be very healing for such people. 

Of course it might not work out. But I thought this was interesting anyway. Thoughts on these transits. 

Even on a basic political and sociological level. The idea that Trumps government would really handle a lot of rioting illegals would be quite the change. There is a current paradigm where the left simply don't get punished when they do bad things. This would signal, on a tribal level, that that time is really over. I think that is exciting! 

The utility of the term narcissism.

So continuing on from my last post then.

My first post was a broad brushstroke stating that evil exists, and some other relevant quotes in the Law of One. "Evil exists but sometimes it's best not to acknowledge it" perhaps. 

Then, my next post was the case against Narcissism. What is the justification for it sometimes being a kind of made up term that is simply used to excuse normal social behaviour?

This post though is about the case for narcissism. The positive use of the terms used in these communities. 

The information baseline.  

Let's think of a person like Dr Ramani. I think her output is very typical of the kind of person and audience that talks about this material. 

Dr Ramani has a great deal of information out there. A video a day. I learned a lot from her. It was the first place I heard of terms such as 'triangulation'. HOWEVER, there is a distinct pro female leaning to her work. She has said before that she thinks there are more male than female narcissists even though, according to her, the data doesn't support that. She has said that she believes Trump is a narcissist. She also came out with a video once about how right wing people are more likely to be narcissists and got ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED in the comments. Apparently, most people think it is actually liberals that are more narcissistic. She removed that video. This was a good moment. 

I have also seen from her that she kind of has a 'believe all women' approach. She noted that she had a situation with a "narcissist" and it annoyed her that people didn't automatically believe her but exercised some discernment. To me, this is a fact of life. If you have a complaint, you can be sure that someone has lied about the same complaint. There are a lot of false victims about. 

I put something like this as a comment. I said even though I would likely tend to believe her if I knew her, narcissists themselves always play the victim. So a person should not expect to be automatically believed. This comment was deleted and I distinctly wondered at the time if Dr Ramani herself, is actually narcissistic. 

However, there is a lot that can be learned about this type of person by watching her. What are the complaints of this kind of community, and the part of it that is for lack of a better term 'female supremacist'. 

Many of the complaints she seems to bring up are things that I think a more male lead environment would naturally sort out. A lot of tough men are very big on justice types of concerns. I recall she told this story about dealing with an older guy who kept putting his tools in the kitchen. The wife was not allowed to have a single thing out of place. But this old guy put a heavy toolbox in the kitchen that most people couldn't lift. The story concludes with Dr Ramani being super delicate with the guy via asking questions and getting the toolbox moved.

Two tough workmen coming into that house and the situation would be much different, and it wouldn't happen. To be frank. You can imagine these 6ft muscly workmen. "Yo Bart, why you got this big heavy toolbox in the kitchen? What's it doing in there you building a bunker or summink?" Maybe they would just pick it up and move it. 

Just the amount of directness that guys habitually use would sort this kind of issue out. Guys like that direct confrontation. Strategically calculated. And the old guy would be physically slightly intimidated as well.  

I have heard many, many stories about how groups of men, about how the way men do things. Shortcusts a lot of these kind of narcissistic types of problems. Situations that, in my own personal life, did not happen. My group of guy friends when I was young, was not able to handle these sorts of behaviours. I attribute that to the feminisation of absolutely everything. 

Philosophy of these things. 

I think that most people that are destined to do intellectual discovery. Thinking things through, articulating things as to the meaning of life. All have a way of handling things that makes sense to them. That life is pushing them to use to solve, and that when they do, things click into place.

One example of one of these knowledge systems is Stefan Molyneux and Philosophy. One of the types of problems that Dr Ramani's types of groups would fret over is when you are in a bad situation with some kind of abuser. You leave that abuser and go no contact. Then everyone around you gives you ridiculous platitudes and tries to get you to 'forgive' the abuser. This is one of the things that Dr Ramani's types of people would watch multiple videos about and get very emotional about the confrontation. 

The way someone like Stefan Molyneux would handle this is as he has talked about in fdr podcast 5944, "the moral relativism of Neitzsche". He would say to them. This is kind of paraphrased. Not exact wording. But close enough:

11:35: "OK, who was in the right and who was in the wrong? If my friend says Bob was in the right. I would say, why did you not help me understand that earlier?  If he says, Bob was in the wrong, I tried to talk about it with him and I couldn't resolve it. Then how is that, holding a grudge? It's making a decision based upon reasonable, moral absolutes. If they won't take a side, I would say, that's kind of important right? If someone is judging you as being morally deficient for holding a grudge, then have them spell out their moral reasons. 

I have used this kind of thinking before in my own life. There are certain people that just have this assumption they have the moral high ground and if you talk about anything they disapprove of they will just go quiet, with the assumed reality you are kind of childlike. But after a lot of energy put towards it and articulation. I was able to articulate how it is in fact them that are morally deficient.  To challenge them. That felt GOOD. 

The point here as it relates to narcissism. Is that if you can reason out all these things to outmanouever people in general. Morally deficient, passive aggressive people. Then it casts some doubt on whether you need the term narcissism at all no? 

It may be that this kind of thinking is not open to Dr Ramani types of people and followers. Because they might be left wing kind of conformist types of people. But, in terms of how to practically handle these things I think it is an important thing to consider. 

The real use of the term narcissist. 

The term narcissist is not exclusively used by social media influencers with the depth of a puddle. Abuse dynamics and terminology are sometimes used in terms of really vicious unpleasant behaviour. Scrolling down narcissism themes group on the internet will sometimes bring both a girl that complains her boyfriend is a narcissist because he is talking to another girl on his facebook, and another one that says her ex broke her bones in three places and put her in a coma. 

But more reliably devastating is the many people talking about parents that are abusive and narcissistic. 

The essential point is. What is the point of language? The point of language is to communicate concepts. But it can never do that with as much preciseness as we would like. The point of the word narcissism/ psychopath and many others has become to describe evil. Evil is something that exists with us. But that can never properly be described or even comprehended. Evil is just lies upon lies mostly. So we never have a real idea of what we are facing when we face it. 

The terms in the abuse communities are important because they do describe some sort of reality that many of us experience. Without the term narcissism and other linked terms. There is a lot about the dynamics of how manipulators work that would likely remain hidden and would retain it's manipulative power. 

The term 'flying monkey'. Which refers to people that are slavish to the narcissist for no clear reason. Is one that is very useful. Very relevant in how dominance heirarchies form and like I say, needed to understand the situation. 

For me, subjectively, this kind of thinking still has relevance. When I am thinking through the karmic response to peoples own actions, so that I do not try and save them. The concept of a flying monkey is very relevant. Those that ceaselessly enable evildoers. 

Also, for me, a lot comes down to the human design chart. I have identified specific positions. Such as things that relate to my natal Chiron, as highly relevant to this concept. 

It sucks, like I said, the term has now become misused and is often used by the kind of evildoers it should be applied to. But because a bunch of people misapply a term does not mean there is not anything legitimate there, only that it has been articulated badly.  

The case against narcissism.

Ok, so when I started talking about narcissists a couple of posts ago. I am going to summarise what I would have said now. I was planning this to be a very complex post. But it will be simple. Partly this is because I have changed my mind on the destination of my thoughts on this concept. Which I will also explain. 

So here are my thoughts against narcissism. I am going to start with a little red pill theory, to describe how normal interactions might be classified as 'narcissism', which I might end with this post. My perspective is that it is a term that is often well applied and I might go into that in another post. 

"The case against narcissism"

Firstly, in this world is it possible, theoretically, for a concept to become very popular. Have a lot of information produced about it from different creators. A lot supporting it. But it actually is a complete destructive fabrication?

Well of course. For two reasons. One is that if you start a business giving evildoers a justification for their actions and even increased social power (I'm looking at you Christianity!) you will never be out of work. You will never be out of money even. 

But also, there's a part of it that is just plain delusion. 

One of the areas I have experienced times of pushing against absolutely stubborn illusion. When you can explain something well and the person simply repeats their same point ignoring you. Is when arguing red pill concepts. This is because, I suspect, a true explanation of the mechanics involved, who went wrong and where, is not convenient for certain peoples moral highgrounds. 

So let's go to red pill, and let us consider a girl who ends up believing her ex is a "narcissist"

 

The problem comes because of the image on the right. Women will, en mass, only date the top men if they can. Those top men will tend to sleep with women and move through them quickly. Whereas the bottom men only get ignored. 

So here we have what is roughly called alpha and beta. 

A lot of women think that if they sleep with an alpha male they will be able to change him. They will not clarify that the relationship is a relationship but instead believe it to be the real thing, even though it has been classified as a "situationship". 

There is a lot more that goes into this. My original post I wanted to go through each "symptom of narcissism" that is often talked about on these videos and reason as to why this dynamic shows up. 

For instance, the idea of love bombing might simply be that guys are excited and want to be with the girl and so they say what is necessary to say. Often, for a pick up artist. Women are somewhat formulaic. As Michael Sartain talks about; he knows that if he takes guys and puts them through his program which includes a lot of exercise and posting on social media like instagram (women obsess over social media and if you do that you can get them checking up on you all the time and fantasizing). Michael knows that if he puts his clients through these programs women will give themselves up easily to said clients. 

But there is an issue here. Often, what he says happens to his clients. Is that after the social media posts and such, demonstrations of leadership and all the other things that make women conceed to their carnal mind. When they do this of course. What he describes often happens is that the girl, that Michaels client usually has known for a while. Just throws herself at him. Partly because he has now shown value, she knows other girls will be into him, and she wants to lock him down.

She has though, given up sex for no agreed return transactionally. This is not happening within a relationship. Michaels client then often has been through the program enough to get a lot of female attention and moves on, and is usually not that interested in this girl. 

She will often then go on social media calling him a "narcissist".  

This is the kind of dynamic that I suspect we are looking at a lot when the term "narcissism" comes in. A lot of the things women complain about are within this hypothetical. The "love bombing" is just the formulaic stuff to get womens attention. Another thing they talk about is that when the guy moves on he does so quickly and doesn't give her 'closure' or anything like that. They don't like seeing him on social media quickly after with a new girl. 

Because she was probably boring, and probably irrational. Girls, in general, have no game. They don't think about how to make themselves more attractive. A lot of them expect princess treatment and this is where that will often end. Because if you actually expect princess treatment as a real world manifestation. You will probably shoot way out of your league. If you shoot way out of your league the person won't stick around.

The beta "narcissists" 

Also consider something else. The amount of effort one of the people on the lower rung of this heirarchy has to put in to get a girlfriend. I have seen this up close. The amount of pain this has caused. Interestingly, and I feel I should reflect on this side of my own psyche. I have never had those kinds of feelings towards a girl. Like, despair and whatnot at not having a girl, even in a dry spell. But, I have seen it. Some guys live like the tortured immortal god Chiron, you would think, the torment will never end the way they respond to this situation. Forever suffering because of the splinter inside them causing daily agony. 

Currently, 50% of 18-30 year old men haven't had sex in the last year. Many of these are virgins and have never even had a date. So, this is a serious thing for them. They are at a point many of them where they will have to put in serious effort to get a girl. Whether that be going to a PUA or something else. For these guys, they cannot "be themselves". They will have to be someone else, have to use some underhand technique most likely, to get and retain a woman. To have children. 

A Better Bachelor video recently showed a man who swiped two million times and only got one match.

There are likely other parts of 'narcissism' that can be found in these. The guy that has gone to PUA's or money to get the girl, all this stuff about not bringing up conflicts because they want to stay in the relationship and "torture" the woman. Is probably simply that he is afraid of losing her. The novelty of a woman in this position, for many men, and a statistically large number, is ridiculously over emphasized. They become these queenly, princess creatures. But at the same time often hated. Because the female rejection came first. 

All this stuff to do with 'supply'. Or 'covert narcissism'. 

Other things. 

There are many words used in the narcissism literature and content creation. Triangulation. Projection. Gaslighting etc. Some of them are... simply evil. And only belong in the discussion of real abusive dynamics. I will come to this. But a lot of these things, are either a bit suspicious or, seem to me, that they have been misused. 

One I find suspicious, and have always found suspicious, is the "discard". I used to know someone that was "trouble". One day he "discarded" me, in the friendship capacity. Metaphorically it was like a knife out of my side. If someone is literally abusing another person, the abuser 'discarding' their target should bring nothing but relief. The fact that he is then on instagram with another chick should not cause upset. That makes no sense. It only makes sense if there is something the woman desires in the man, in which case, the term "narcissism" is just a tool for control. It is subconsciously trying to shame in order to compel preferred behaviour.

And one of the 'on the fence' sort of terms is "gaslighting". I, believe I have been gaslit very carefully, very skillfully, by a group of people. A lot of these girls out here are calling pretty much anything less than telling the exact truth to women on command gaslighting. If someone gives a reason or excuse it is "gasllighting". 

The term gaslighting was coined from a film called 'gaslight' where a man sets up illusions in a house to convince the woman she is mad. This is what gaslighting is. It is a term of abuse that includes the deliberate attempt to undermine anothers reality to convince them they are mad. To not allow them to trust their own instincts and enslave them to the commands and perspective of others in absence of said instincts. 

Lying is not gaslighting.  

Also, let's talk about the hoover.;

Guy goes through a process with a woman to get to sleep with her. He lovebombs her at first because he read a PUA book. Decides he doesn't want anything to do with her he can't be honest with the girl, A) because it started off with a non virtuous aim. B) Women don't reward honesty. If he gives her concrete things she is doing she will likely come for him, go for his reputation in a bad way because she can't save face. Women do not like being rejected. This is why a lot of guys act bad and get the girl to dump them.

But whatever the situation. When he "hoovers", is this a complex psychological abuse dynamic? Or is he on a dry spell and wants to smash? Is that true narcissism? Why does everything have to be made into an emotional thing?  

Pearls of Wisdom. 

I watched a Pearl Davis live the other day and she absolutely, absolutely destroyed a lot of female reasons for doing things. When they say x they mean y sort of thing. It was a true massacre of female excuses. 

This on a woman making a video on "detachment". 

15:25:  "Translation, I was trying to control a man who was cheating on me or did things I didn't like, and now I have to make a video on detachment".

Holy crap! You know, I have absorbed a lot of spiritual teachings in my life and I wonder after hearing this explanation if this is mostly made for excuses and spiritual bypassing for dysfunctional women? 

37:14: Women, we just want so badly these guys [Picture of super attractive muscular guys and celebrities] to act like these guys [picture of a beta] and they just never will, and that creates angry women. 

Female responses to the red pill:

I said earlier that there is a possibility of whole industries being created in opposition to reality. The red pill reality as I have described it is pretty well baked in with a lot of statistics and data, such as dating app data. Women tend to go for the top small percentage of guys, say 5 - 10% or less. Those guys are then packed with options. Because they have a hundred options they tend to treat the girls like dirt. The girls end up being hurt and a lot of them coming out with 'all men are trash' types of opinions. 

So you have close to 100% of women doing this potentially. Probably a lot less, let us say 80%. This dynamic will effect the women badly because if they were to not have gone out of their league and to have gone for their looksmatch, (most people are average), they would not be bitter from loads of experience. They would statistically more likely stay married. They will not have to lie to their partner about their body count. He will not have to compete with her past of alpha males. She will not be 'damaged' and 'traumatised' from her abusive relationship. She would be more likely to settle down and have kids early before her fertility runs out. 

This is a discussed red pill point. The 5-10% of top guys, this situation is working for them. If and when they do want to settle down. They just pick a chick and settle down. Statistically, a guy who sleeps around a lot has no difference in likelihood of divorce. So the behaviour of these guys is not changeable. 

The women however, are ruining their lives a lot of the time. There is a case to be made for making them aware of these facts, and to bring social shaming, as we used to have. This is why sexual shaming of women existed. 

But every so often, despite the fact this has been explained ad verbatim, women will come out with takes such as "all these guys shaming women for sleeping around, why don't you look in your OWN house first and stop the men from sleeping around".

You mean, the 90% of men who aren't sleeping around a whole lot? In practice, this is what almost all female sexual shaming does. The top guys can't be shamed, if you tell them how to behave they will ditch you. The constant venom women have about pornography and the male sex drive in general is directed at the 90% that don't deserve it, and probably have a body count many times lower than the women doing the shaming. 

It is like how the left still do not recognise that Kyle Rittenhouse was defending himself as the courts have ruled. It doesn't really matter. They just say it again. They just come out again about how the right shot innocent protesters or something.  

Feminist/ Tradcon: "All these guys shaming women for sleeping around, why don't you look in your OWN house first and stop the men from sleeping around". 

Red pill: "Well, actually that isn't really practical because it's a small number that can't be changed and it isn't working against their self interest. Look at these statistics. Whereas it is working directly against womens interest"

Feminist Tradcon: .... ..... ....

Feminist Tradcon: "All these guys shaming women for sleeping around, why don't you look in your OWN house first and stop the men from sleeping around". 

The point is is that there is just a huge glut of the population. Probably both genders but on this issue mostly one gender. That just walk in lockstep and pick what they would prefer to believe. Not what is true; and are incredibly resistant to any counter narrative even if it is clearly true. 

I wonder how much of the narcissist literature is just the narrative and support that these women have promoted, against men just acting normally against circumstances and often not having done anything bad at all.  

The health of non objective beliefs.

This Elon and Trump argument.

I want to link it to my thoughts on mysticism that I started on. In relation to the answer to Stefan Molyneux video. 

I have said before on youtube notes that there is some potential crossover between the Q phenomena and beliefs in mysticism in general. That being that in mysticism, the person generally perceives themselves as gaining hints from another realm. Be that through astrology, mediumship, tarot etc. Q, of course, is a similar thing, just with a little more real world reality to it. In theory. There are entities in another realm (classified military) that are sending hints. Q posts. 

There is a question here, for me, about how healthy this way of thinking is EVEN IF it is in fact correct. Let us say, that the Q narrative is completely correct. That there is a military group that decided to keep moral up amongst their adherents by leaving cryptic clues on 4chan. 

Well, it leaves the person paying attention to this stuff in a very strange position. When something happens in the real world. Do they trust their rational senses? Their perception of reality as most of us see it? Or do they rely on the interpretation of cryptic clues? 

I also think that someones mental state may play a big part in this. When I was unwell and not able to exercise. Constantly stressed. The Q stuff seemed completely fine to me, I was also motivated to get enough back up for this perspective by going on hours long podcasts about it every day. But now that I'm more healthy, and ESPECIALLY today, the day after one of the best gym sessions I have ever had (arms, and going to failure!)

I just can't. Elon and Trump are arguing. ALL of twitter apparently is saying that it is. I just can't, within myself. Indulge the idea that this is some sort of mega 4D chess. My mentality has just become too aware of everyday reality to indulge that. 

I have had a MEGA sychronicity. Breathtaking. Personal. To back up Q, and I have seen many pretty amazing proofs. But my brain, as tired and grounded as I am apparently becoming. Still can't actually indulge the idea this is anything other than some sort of legitimate feud amongst the two!

It reminds me of the quote from the Law of One which I cannot find. But I am sure is there: The light can conceal as well as reveal. 

Analysing a blockage.

I wanted to talk through the 'blockage' I am experiencing here. Not because I massively feel I 'owe' the readers anything in particular since the blog and youtube channel are not paid. But, within me, it is important to keep an outlet for the metaphysical ideas I discuss. It will give increased clarity to discuss this on the blog. 

This is the excerpt from a youtube post I have that made me really question my own sanity. When I read it back to myself it sounds kind of crazy, or it did the other day. I understand it a little more now. It appears my moods are controlling me a bit much:

I will not even say which planet or experience this was. But recently, I had a deep emotional experience. I realised my emotions had played my thoughts like a puppet for many years, a clear emotional route has been inspiring what I have been engaging in as "thinking". Insights have come in stages. I had this insight, that is obviously a long time coming, within a day of a very specific longer term transit. Mad stuff. A very intense experience and realisation.

I cannot recall precisely what this was, but I think what it was is that I have only just recently learned, had the personal insight, that philosophy is extremely important to me. I recall recently hearing some definitions, some thing I am thinking through from having heard them on youtube videos, that are really effecting me positively.

With someone like me so excessively cerebral. Having the language to articulate my inner world is extremely important. 

Looking back on my life this has obviously been an insight that has been waiting in the wings for years. Like I have heard others say, often when I have an insight I feel a little upset at the amount of positively I could have experienced if I had the insight earlier. But the insight only happens now. EXACTLY as Saturn is sitting on the same hexagram that represents that point in my chart.

My conscious North Node, that I believe represents philosophy, is at gate 25.6:

 

There are things of note here in that the gate 25 doesn't have a link to the throat. I believe the energy always travels upwards from below the throat. The energy cannot travel 25 -> 51.

Anyway, my point is here, an insight I had into the transit of Saturn, was rephrased in a way that kind of supported a kind of overthinking I do and furthermore, confused me. Perhaps just having stated this exactly would have made more sense and my need for privacy is a little at fault here. 

I am trying to improve my overall psychology by doing something that is massively needed. That is going to the gym. It is very important I go to the gym and when I don't go, in the times before I need to go, I experience a kind of dizzying discomfort and subtle anger. I need to go now in fact. I normally go two days when I can, when some health issue hasn't stopped me going. Yesterday I did not want to risk my back after a harder workout Monday evening. So I will go this evening. 

I am hoping going regularly will improve my psychology enough for me to be more comfortable and coherent in my output. I am hoping long term it simply changes my psychology. But we'll see how it goes. 

Closing up "thoughts on narcissism".

Yep, just as the title says. 

My mind just did this 'dissolving' thing again. I just looked at my youtube community posts and realise how schizophrenic I sound. 

I have a few thoughts on fixing my own predicament. I don't know why I keep forming these super intense ideas about things. Whole structured articles. Then having it all just dissolve on me.

I think, a long term improvement in personal habits including going to the gym might help. But we'll see. 

I also think perhaps I should be recognising the human design. I.e. as a Splenic Manifestor. According to the system I should only really do things spontaneously. So no long connected articles like this.

We'll see how it goes. Apologies if any readers actually thought any thoughts I have on narcissism would be interesting.