14 days NoFap.

This feels like the big one for me. I have broken the cycle of behaviour that lead to me failing at this particular task should I attempt it. I now have an app which massively helps. 

One of the things I used to think when I couldn't get this right is when I got a sexual 'hit' of feeling, I would say to myself it isn't healthy to not engage in sexual things AT ALL, so I would engage in a bit of this kind of thing and inevitably, it would escalated and end with me ending my 'NoFap' streak.

But, a few insights, along with positive health changes and I simply don't do that. I don't engage at all. Not even for a second. This could mean that I simply don't engage with it ever again.

The only other test that might represent a problem is being physically close to an actual breast. I remember being down the beach and a woman went braless in the ocean, and I paced around for hours not being able to calm down. 

The effects:

It is a powerful behaviour change. On the basic level it seems to me as though it would be helpful in losing weight for all sorts of reasons. Having more energy to motivate myself towards exercise and things, even though it is cold and I haven't eaten amazingly. It also gives additional energy for food preparation. Last night even though I woke up in the early morning I stayed up to 5am sorting out the food properly. Cleaning the kitchen, making a large salad and doing a slow cooker meal. 

This might influence the gym as well which has been pretty fantastic for weight loss for me. 

Maybe subconsciously I am taking advantage of my bodies increased co- operation at losing weight to "attract a mate". 

There are psychological effects as well. I am noticing an increased passion and virility that changes my behaviour. It means that I am less likely to want to go on a streaming service than I think I would normally. I want to do real life things more. 

Obviously, this inclines me towards things I want to do but don't do sometimes a bit more like reading. 

Additionally. I remember recently thinking about something, thinking about a situation in my life with people and not being content to leave it up there in the abstract. The way this manifested for me was that I drew tarot cards on the issue and I did in fact gain a very distinct insight into the situation that moves me in a particular direction. 

Conclusion:

Not much more to say. Although, I have felt unblocked recently in a major major way. Unblocked enough that I might know what to say to get my youtube output going again. It's looking good!

Stay away from me with your BAD VIBES! (Part 2).

Wow, been playing guitar for a few hours straight. Feels good. Also quite tired though. Anyway, wanted to follow up on this blog. It might not be an ideal subject for Christmas Eve. I really like the little rituals we have to increase our happiness in this life like Birthdays and Christmas. 

But, there is something spiritual about this blogging. So I will do this now. 

Obviously, if this is part two, the immediately preceeding post, part 1, is relevant. I am talking about how red pill realities are getting to a point now where they are relevant and a particular group of women I am talking about who turn against them. 

So, following up directly from the last post, I can't summarise the whole thing. This is a post that I made on that same blog post:

That really isn’t a problem for me except in the few cases it is a problem. When I have met my sister, she has said things that I have heard stated by red pill guys. Like, she could have gotten a script from them (obviously she has never heard of them and can’t grasp that it is high value men who work off that information not some mysterious dysfunctional ‘incels’). If I could get one thing through to her I would say to her that guys know what is going on, and you can do what you like, but just assume that guys will be intelligent enough to know what you really mean later. 

I don't want to dump my sister in it. But, this blog is anonymous. The readership is very low. It is rare that it reaches double figures. I am also only saying what I can. There is really not a lot of detail in this excerpt either. But I suppose I will have to say a little more.

This is the crux of the situation for women. I will show this by their response in just a second. Women are fine with the red pill existing. But, uniformly, if they are not at all sympathetic to the ideas, and if they like to see the red pill as 'woman hating' or something. Then they want to put down any men who are into it as being low status and, one of womens favourite weaponised terms... "Incels". 

Deep feelings:

Possibly this is a big part of the emotional crux of why I brought this up with them. I will explain the damage they create in just a second by being so nasty about this set of beliefs. 

Me and my sister don't get on really. Now "technically", we are on good terms. I have specifically stated to her that we are not on bad terms from my perspective because I imagine she is effected negatively if I said anything else. But, my sister, whom I wanted to create a mutually beneficial relationship with, along the lines of Stefan Molyneuxs philosophy. People that see each others blinds spots and helps each other out. 

But, also in line with the Stefan philosophy of basically being honest with oneself. All signals are that she does not like me, or at the very least, is indifferent and does not intend to make any effort. After I tried to make contact with her, and did meet her one time, for the first time in years, she suggested we meet up, cancelled, in a very indirect way, then I suggested a phone call, clarified as to 'only written messages' (emails). Then when I sent messages she predictably ignored me. After apologising for precisely that in the past, she did it again almost immediately, which is something that I have taken up with people in the past... "Fake apologies".  They invalidate any future apology.

My sister is 21. She is how I described women in the previous post. I may be wrong. Of course there always has to be an allowance made for a gap in perception. That, as an example, she wouldn't tell me if she simply saw me as a dangerous degenerate and she was nice to everyone except me. 

Well actually, I doubt that. 

But the women in the previous post. When they are young. Because of the great power beauty bestows on them. They treat people not that well. 

And in the past that might have kind of work. Before red pill. There were a lot of guys ready to pick up women after they made disasterous choices in their 20's.

But not anymore. I am acutely aware that the guys surrounding her will think... precisely like I do. They are being friendzoned and otherwise ignored in favour of her chasing novelty. That things will get hard for her in the future due to this. 

Low status incels:

So lets get back to how the anti red pill narrative at places like ElsaElsa work against this. 

That same thread I carried on discussing things and the women didn't take up any issue with most of what I said. The blog owner did pick up the status point. But it was not a huge thing. One of the women I had talked to though, passive aggressively, mentioned it on another blog.

From a later post, December 11th 2024 "Morality & Body Language & Finding love", Elsa does not like da commas:

It’s actually NOT strong or high value masculine, only the overcompensation of warped masculine traits, and from a deeply fearful sense of victimhood and disempowerment – men are the poor victims, women are the enemy. Men are not from Mars anymore! (Mermaid)

Pretty direct huh? To what I was saying. It also hits an emotional point in me. If I was trying to communicate something to my sister about this, then obviously it's going to hit a chord with me. There is a reason, as I will explain, that I highlighted this point, and that it is destructive for women to refuse to acknowledge it. 

I should note in terms of 'the collective' on Elsa's forum. "Mermaid" was shut down when she came out with her feminist tripe of shutting down successful women as 'doe eyed tradcons'. A girl said that she considered herself traditional and that she had escaped a destructive feminist mother. So that is positive. Even so, I think the collective is as I describe the title. I was the one who made a fuss. I was easily provoked. Fairly directly provoked I think. It is always the passive aggressive that seem to win out on these forums. It seems to be set up that way.

The point:

And this is it. The point I am trying to get to. Is that when girls like my sister, and other women I have known. Think of their future. The status of men that are aware of red pill realities is directly relevant. 

I don't understand the thinking honestly. But she thinks that it is only losers that are aware of red pill things, and she won't be judged on any red pill standards. She thinks she can simply choose not to have anything to do with anyone that has anything to do with the red pill. 

It's what I said in the last post and it is confusing to me. Why do women think they can socially shame the entirety of reality into behaving how they see fit? I suppose, that God complex comes from the power she enjoys in her early twenties. Women of that age, in a way, do have the power of gods. Especially in our society. 

But when it comes down to it, you can't choose what the other gender finds attractive. Statistics say that men who have, what today is called "misogynistic" views, (i.e. standards and awareness of female behaviour), are far more prevalent in men that are sexually successful.

It is older women like these astrology boomers who are against all things red pill that directly assault womens awareness of these realities, that in turn, gives younger women the wrong information with which to navigate the world. If they knew that it was rich, high status and intelligent men that are aware of these things. They would take that into account. But 'mermaid' is trying to make sure that doesn't happen. 

Conclusion:

So I'm trying to stop myself going on Elsa. They are unlikely to miss me. I have recently made a video about my experience with passive aggression on another forum, and stated in a few recent blogs how I think withdrawing a bit from the digital world is where my energy is going. 

The astrology of Mars (the forums) going over my Mercury, really fits. We'll see what happens after Mars goes direct again.

Stay away from me with you BAD VIBES! (Part 1 maybe).

Ah, learning a lot of Christmas songs for tomorrow. Like, memorising chord progressions and things. Feels good.

I wanted to address this specific post. In my last post I said I had gone a bit over the top in a boomer comment section. I hope I can get pretty deep into why this is. But it might be that the blog forms so that I only mention the basics. 

Anyway, I REALLY don't want to alert the woman that wrote the original blog that I am writing this post, and I am not clear on the specific rules on when people are alerted to these things. So I won't drop the specific article. But the article is an article: Kindness, from a variety of perspectives, elsaelsa.com, created on December 3rd 2024.

It was literally embarrassing trying to communicate with these women when they don't even slightly care. But this is the message she looked at:

“What shows kindness, or lack of such quality? In particular, I am interested in this in one-on-one relationships….say you want to end a relationship but on your way out, you think you don’t owe the other person anything (which is often true; really easy these days to drop a person out of our lives & never have to see them again). Someone told me long ago that people are kind because that’s all they could ever offer (meaning, they don’t have anything else to offer). At the time I thought this was wrong….but, I don’t know. Most people drop people like flies these days. What do you think of this?

I must add that I do have a personal stake in this Q, having insisted on being kind. But I rarely see this reciprocated, especially in people my age (early thirties). Is this not common anymore, I wonder.

I kind of screen people (men) on the basis of this one criteria, first. The way some people use height, or income…well this is my no 1 primary thing to check…..I’m just re-evaluating if this is worth the bother? or realistic, even.”

I would argue, that when a lot of men start dating, they are naturally kind. Yes, there are a few that are interested in "only one thing". But that is definitely not the majority in my experience. 

The thing with the interplay of masculinity and femininity, is that men have a lot of toughness, from various sources. Part of this is that they think technically, part of this is that others are just not as soft on them as they are on women. But, being young, they probably are not going to be "super hard". 

Guys can get insensitive with women, especially if they are successful with women. When pleasing them is no longer important because there is always another. But for a lot of the time, a lot of men don't have a lot of internal defence against the positive feelings they have for women. 

Women produce a kind of emotion, a kind of sweetness that can't really be replicated elsewhere most of the time. All the reasons men find women annoying and such... "crazy". Their protected nature, and often, inability to see objectively outside their own emotions. Are also desireable to men. 

Since men are very connected to the objective world (where the wealth can be built), they can't replicate this inside themselves easily. But women do supply it. A kind of warm emotion disconnected from the harshness of nature. A softness. 

How does this become insensitivity?

Many things come up for me when discussing this entire area. It will definitely feel cathartic to write all this out as I felt a lot of annoyance at trying to explain some of this previously and plus, they were not encouraging me to explain anything. If you have something that you want to explain the other person has to be basically receptive. If they are making passive aggressive comments and not asking you questions, the conversation simply will not flow to any deeper truths. 

One of the red pill founders, Rollo Tomassi. In his book the rational male. Talks about how, due to "womens liberation", women have started to see relationships as more of an indulgence than having the same sense of need they used to have. Before obviously, the amount of redistributive taxation that we have now. Firstly, a woman would understand that a man is earning money for her. Secondly, women needed men, so there was another element to the relationship than just what's in it for her, a good deal of the time. 

There has been a lot of cultural change from earlier on. The pill being one of those. Medical innovation. 

And this has changed women in a lot of powerful ways. I would like to give a lot of personal anecdotes to explain this, but I feel that this would be a bit rude to the women whose experiences I am repeating. Even if they were not identified. 

But lets consider the world that young men are "competing in". It is said in the red pill that the period between their 20's and 30's. A lot of women are in the "whore" phase. There is a lot in the red pill said about this. But what I want to focus on is the style women have in this phase of deliberately going out, and pursuing short term relationships. 

What is 'normal'?

Stefan Molyneux once remarked about women that in their twenties. When they are looking for short term "fun". They consider guys that are looking for something long term to be "weird", "clingy" and even "creepy". 

Then, when a woman does decide she wants to settle down. At about thirty. All of a sudden the fact that men won't commit, the guys that are still coming around for short term "situationships" (a purely female term if ever there was one!) All of a sudden, the men are "narcissists", or whatever.

This is... ridiculous! You see that right? 

It shows the limits of female power. That sounds like a strange thing to say in this society. But, there is a limit to how much you can simply point at a behaviour you don't like and socially shame it; well, technically you can do it as much as you like, but it has a limit to how long it remains effective. There is a point it doesn't really work especially if it is so transparently self centered as this. There is no true morality here, and men, or at least a lot of men, and a growing number, know that. 

But the point is, a lot of young men experience a lot of unpleasantness in these environments. There are a LOT of women that will have no difficult conversations. Anything, literally anything that is 'bad vibes'. They will ditch a guy and even, if they just feel like it. 

Something that Jordan Peterson said recently. A person that doesn't have negative consequences for their actions cannot perceive morality. They don't know what is right or wrong. But there are consequences to female behaviour. It just comes later. Not in their twenties when they are subjecting men to their will. But later on. 

The wound:

And this is the wound that the men this woman is talking to are struggling with. The astrologer herself mentioned the potential of too high of standards, perhaps that is the case. Also, perhaps she has reached 30 and engaged in all sorts of degeneracy in her 20's. So the guys that come around know what the score is.

Now, once women reach 30, guys know what has probably happened. She spent her twenties whoring around which means, she is all sorts of damaged and talks about her 'narcissistic exes'. She probably gave herself over on the first date a lot, and wants the man to wait now (because she has "learned her lesson"). There are all sorts of very negative things a guy needs to watch out for which is partly why, once girls get to that age, guys just hit it and bounce.

It could also be the standard female problem of just going way out of her league and wanting to be exclusively desired from this place. Often just wanting that and not defining it as even a proper relationship. Just believing that a man with a lot of options is going to suddenly like her. Perhaps he will confess his love to her? Too much Greys anatomy. 

But there is another side of this.  A more human side. The men this woman is dealing with, let's say she is mid twenties. They have been dealing with a lot of girls that have been quite unkind in their rejecting of anything long term. This is why we are in the state that we are in. If a guy has been, in turn, ghosted or cheated on by women. Perhaps he was in a hook up situation and when he wanted to make it more serious he was laughed at. Or in some other way he was considered a "convenience".

Then the best decision going forward is simply to mirror that behaviour. Sign up for the hook up and don't get too involved. Ghost at leisure.

Conclusion:

And this is what I would say to her. This post. This is what the issue is. To understand it. She could approach it differently. Even if she didn't get a different result. Having a justification might make her feel better about it.

So the question is poorly framed in my view. The question is not identifying people that are unchangeably kind. It is identifying if someone who was kind is now behaving in a different way. It is understanding people enough to get what she wants in the situation. 

It is having some sort of empathy for men in general. I realise that is an incredibly tall order. But it is a very workable strategy. 

Perhaps she needs to show vulnerability first. Perhaps she needs to ask them about their other relationships or properly clarify what her connection with them means. Regardless of how (tbh if) she does handle this in some way going forward. The information and explanation I have summarised in this post would be a useful aid to her I believe.

But, the women at Elsaelsa aren't interested in exploring any of that. All of what I have summarised here comes under the red pill umbrella and qualifies as "red pill meanie". Too many "bad vibes"? All of what I have summarised would actually help her rather than considering men and the current dating market in an overly simplistic manner.

You would really have expected them to grow up by now. In their sixties they still hold that way of viewing life.

The gym is the way.

Man,

To the gym, I am a convert. When I get the health benefits of gym going I feel that if a religion were to be able to provide these I would be an evangelical to said religion. I just feel so good and it has so many good effects on me I can't get elsewhere. 

My weight has been; 86.4, 86, 85.5, 85.4. That last day of just .1 was really disappointing, I did quite a bit to put myself into ketosis on that day. Went to the gym yesterday: 84.5! I have previously lost a lot at the gym when I was doing nothing for diet AT ALL! The gym is the way.

It also has psychological benefits. One of the real things to get rid of grudges which is something I suppose I struggle with. I have also thought that when we move into a more positive time, a "golden age" so to speak. In that if that were to happen and "power" was a bit more equal. Like, people had more power in their lives and were not so ground down. Then if they had grudges, would become a bit more relevant (because they would have the power to enact them!).

But I also think, that in such a positive golden age. That if people had a positive increase in their health. It would be hard to hold a lot of grudges. You simply don't care about people who have wronged you if you feel utterly fantastic. If you are eating and exercising at your peak... who cares?

Of course, serious things even if you feel good they matter, and some things matte that much. But while I was doing weights yesterday, I thought about that. I thought about the girls that created absolute havoc for two years at an office job I was working. It is normally enough to stir some vague resentment. Not a super strong sensation, but something that is notable. 

But while I was doing weights in the gym that sensation was not possible to access. Life is just too good.

The deeper benefit:

But it also goes deeper and this is the point I wanted to come to. One of the annoyances that has come up for me. There is a blog I go on run by a boomer woman and whose readership is possibly 50% ish boomer women. It is an astrology blog. 

One of the annoyances I have had there is that they are all anti red pill. Which, on it's own is not a big deal. But when they get younger women asking them questions that could be answered, I believe, to great effect, by explaining realities that are red pill adjacent. It annoys me. Because it is bringing up a problem, a real life problem someone has, and refusing to solve it. In fact making it worse in some cases. (Younger women do listen to older women).

So, I have ended up, which was not a good idea and had predictable results. Trying to explain said red pill concepts. Without the red pill men are just acting in a completely irrational way, but if you say; well men are experiencing and thinking xyz and then allowing them to use that knowledge to improve themselves. Then at least there is some effort to help the individual. 

When I do bring in red pill concepts however, like I said the answer is predictable. It is 'the red pill is just feminism for men', i.e. deep state anti natalism for men. 

No evidence is of course offered for these claims. The fact that the manosphere has suffered a lot of censorship and is targeted in other ways is not factored in. 

Normally, this has annoyed me. It has annoyed me and because I have felt bad about that, felt it was a bit pathetic, I have suppressed it.  

Which of course didn't solve anything and creates a blockage.

Blockages cleared.

This morning though, that blockage was cleared. With a dopamine infused insight! I realised that I could put it back on the woman that had said that. My thought process now goes like this: "It is extremely convenient that manosphere complaints are all deep state psy ops that don't need to be paid attention to." There is no evidence of the belief, so why is she choosing it? Because it is convenient for her. She does not need to criticise any women and gain the approbrium of the sisterhood. 

And that, even though it is not clear why it makes a difference, it does. It kind of releases it for me. Rather than feeling I need to oppose the falsity it just settles me back into a place of... "Oh, so you are what you are".

That's not the only thing. On twitter I saw a picture a few minutes ago (which I can't find now!) Of a woman that had changed her content from very highly technical neuroscience of some description, to now going for twitch fame. Just chatting with her breasts out. I don't know if I would care about that normally. But I felt a distinct emotion of simply not caring. 

And I think, in this world full to the brim with its distractions and confusion. Sometimes not caring is the best thing. 

The higher self plan.

A few hours ago I wrote a comment on a Stefan Molyneux podcast about atheism and such, saying partly that the tract of "Gods plan" and such. Was I suppose, a cop out of sorts.

But, obviously I don't quite believe that, if a lot of my output is about Gods plan and such. But I do believe that people that do believe that kind of thing, it is a personal aspect of faith, like dream interpretation, and it shouldn't be used to gain control over another. To gain power in a conversation when difficult, but completely legitimate, questions are brought up. 

In essence, where I might meet atheists in my own life. Know atheists in my life. I believe anything that I might express can often be also talked about in a way that respects a secular viewpoint. Like Stefan himself does sometimes. Stefan sometimes uses God and Jesus as a metaphor for various things. Or even demons. 

The higher plan.

One of the thing that strikes me in general with the way life works out. Is that for me, several different problems I have, are very strongly helped or solved by one single thing. I think this happens a lot and it is almost as though the spirits have conspired to point us in a certain direction.

For me, that is weight lifting, among other things; and I will talk about some other related things and how they link up. 

I have bone thinning and non alcoholic, fatty liver disease. Linked to that liver issue is the need to lose weight. Weight lifting solves each of these. Weight lifting, is basically the only thing that really helps me lose weight, which I know since I weigh myself everyday. Although I have changed my diet a lot. I eat a lot more salads and such, and meat. It was not particularly positive doing just calorie counting, fasting for even a day was abysmal. What is constructive though, is weight lifting/ walking and controlling my food intake. That is far more sustainable and workable. When I am doing both of these, weight lifting is when I get a drop in weight, whereas outside of that it doesn't go down a whole lot. 

The other thing that seems to be coming about with these changes is that NoFap, six days at the moment, seven in about three hours. As the energy changes, I am noticing myself as more involved in everyday life. In a way I can't describe. I just made a twenty minute video getting very annoyed at a forum I go on every so often.

I said recently that I feel my health improvement, and astrological changes (nodal return); and how this might coincide with things working out globally. I.e. I wanted to be not engaged in conspiracy so much when something actually went down and this reflects that. 

On top of this (remember I mentioned how it all seems to come together!) The NoFap seems to be making me internalise things a lot more. As part of that I am hoping I remove my energy from blogs and forums altogether. Or perhaps at least if my output was more grounded, there would be a layer of 'shield'... as such.

Where the nudges lead

And hopefully, along with yet more changes I won't mention just at this moment. There is a lot of potential benefit to say ... "weightlifting". In relation to things like jobseeking. If you turn up to a job interview thinner and healthier than you would've been, better energy. Then that sounds like a good thing. It also potentially opens up opportunities in relation to relationships and such. 

I hope to go to the gym in the next few hours. It closes soon until the morning of the 27th of December. So to be in a great mood over Christmas, I need to go in the next few hours that I am looking forward to. 

Happy Christmas to you too! People been saying it doesn't feel like Christmas, but it feels fine to me!

Charts and destiny.

Blogging is one of those things that I do as part of what I feel I should be doing. There is a certain flow with expressing this information in some way. I figure the break has been to realise I should be losing weight as well in my real life. 

When I used to search for jobs previously. The only thing that I can do metaphysically to actually increase that was to blog and/ or make videos. No other thing. Meditation. Prayer, or anything like that seems to help with the jobseeking.

I remember when I made a blog or video, I can't remember, and the jobseeking just went into flow and I immediately got an interview. A bad one, a group interview. But something. 

It's like watching these patterns in life. 

The grand plan:

As I mentioned in my last blog. It feels as though something big is happening but I can't quite identify what that is on the political or larger scale. The drones have seemed to me to not be a big deal. To actually be things like not seeing planes correctly as covered by Steven Cambian. But, there is just something that makes me think there is something happening:

That last one is really creepy. 

There are a lot of calculations that go through my head. Like, one of those is just a pure calculation of good vs. evil. We see the evil everyday. We see the corrupt law courts. Bad health situations. Various things I will not go into. But if we added this up as a numerical thing. The fact that we see any good in this world at all, shows that the power of the good must also be very large.

If we were to suddenly remove the evil in its entirety, and only the good was manifesting. Then, what would that add up to? The amount of positive that would have to be would have to put us into golden age territory in my viewpoint. 

I believe this golden age would include extra terrestrials and whatnot. 

Gods plan:

It reminds me a little of something I have been working on. On a Stefan Molyneux podcast, called 'My history with corruption part 1'. He mentioned at the end that one of the satisfaction he gets from the philosophy he does is a kind of revenge. Where the world subject him to certain ideas and standards, such as that the family is voluntary, as evidenced by the fact that divorce is done on so little justification. So, he counters that with that if the family is voluntary, then children should be able to separate from their abusive parents. This is a prospect that the world doesn't take so kindly. Here is his human design:

I wanted to start out a video on this specifically. Arguing for the validity of such 'mystical' tools as the human design. I would go through why I didn't think that impulse was certain placements. But this is a shorter blog so I will skip to the point. Where I think that comes from is his unconscious Jupiter in the gate 39. It feels very strongly that that is the case with a deeper explanation of said gate. 

The point is I believe that encoded in our own charts, perhaps specifically in the unconscious Jupiter but perhaps in other parts for other people. Is a kind of satisfaction of even the most petty emotional impulses of us. 

Some part of us that gets a kind of ironic revenge on the world for what it has put us through that becomes part of our "path".

This and me.

For me, as I mentioned in a recent community note on my youtube. I feel as though I have gone through a bit of a shift recently. A shift that somewhat activated my gate 21 and manifestor capabilities a bit more. 

The shift has lead me to be more available to "the real world". Less cerebral and lost in spiritual matters. But also less bothered with anything not central to me personally. My ability to communicate in the real world has improved. This also means I am less focused on conspiracy matters. 

What I always wanted my "revenge" to be back when I was passionately, passionately right wing and such. A full on QAnon conspiracy theorist. Is that when all the people that had ignored me all that time suddenly wanted me to tell them what is going on that I would not tell them because I would no longer be interested in conspiracy.

That is the shift that has happened. If this conspiracy stuff happened now I just would not be bothered. I don't have the energy to engage with that kind of thing. It just feels like the same kind of thing.

Conclusion:

I have found many, many very interesting things in human design. With actually talking to people about it. How people's charts plays out like this I think is very interesting.

That strange place called "real life".

It's been a while since my last post.

Quite a lot of things have been going on for me emotionally. That I can't quite articulate or describe. I have posted again and again about a kind of writers block I have. I theorised in one of my previous blogs that my energy has changed very substantially on my nodal return. My unconscious Nodal return is at gate 21. Which is my manifesting channel. I am also, synchronistically, now gaining in health in a massive way. 

So it could be that my "preincarnative programming", lead in the direction of kind of switching into being a proper manifestor now. Whereas before, I was kind of a slight projector. Without the 21 - 45 going into the throat I am technically a projector with a conscious 11-56.

Be that as it may, like many people are voicing on twitter and such. I am feeling a very strange feeling, a very otherwordly feeling lately. 

It is probably better for me to process this in relation to my personal life. Since, it is not at all easy to identify weird sensations in the collective. 

In my personal life. I have one main task. That is losing weight. I have a thick chest in reference to my bone structure. I really do seem to have captured that broadchested, "Leonian essence". I am far broader than my father was, as an example. He was a slight man. I think this is what has allowed me to conceal my own weight from myself. 

But I am definitely overweight now. My bmi started off at 27.8. Went down at one point to about 27.1 and now is somewhere in between there. I have been unable to lose weight. But I have put in a lot of the processes to start doing so (I find weight loss to be quite the process, i.e. having the foods in to create salads etc.). My goal is to get down to what was my ideal BMI when I was younger. 23.7. Which is about 10kg. 

I have also started, now that I realised that there are apps available for this now. Doing nofap. Ideally, in order to lose weight, the really powerful thing, if you do not want to starve yourself, is the gym. It is generally being able to get up and do exercise when you can't just eat a lot to give you the energy and enthusiasm, when a lower calorie intake has meant you have lower energy. NoFap is a strong push in that direction. I've just always wanted to do it and now I have an app that does it that seems to hit the spot well. I am on day 3. 

NoFap has been pretty powerful. It has been pretty powerful in clearing my mind in some manner and making me more focused. Making me more focused on mundane realities and better able to communicate. I also wonder about losing weight, and if there is some relevance to the Law of One where they said, in session 18.5: "Nothing needs to be overcome, that which is not needed falls away". 

Having the intent and energy to do this blog feels as though it came from NoFap and it might be that "writersblock" that I have been talking about on my youtube channel. 

The idea that a lot of emotions are held up in the fat is an interesting one to me, and I wonder if, as we lose weight, we also let go of that psychological baggage that it expresses.

The world itself though is weird. Weird for more reasons than I really want to talk about. If I check in with myself I don't really believe anything will legitimately change. But something is off. 

There is more I want to say, especially expanding on my previous thoughts on the human design. I need to properly express some of these. But they don't comfortably fit into the flow of this specific blog theme so I will do that in another post at some time.