When the curtain comes down.

I went on twitter today, and have decided to not log onto twitter for a while. There were so many posts about recent Epstein file and related information, that I thought I'd take a break. 

I need to go through a bit of personal history to explain how I see this recently. But it is under the paradigm (another word doesn't fit!) of attempting to follow the teachings of the Law of One. So because I think the Law of One is important, I am going to explain it best I can, even if it goes through boring territory. 

When I was somewhere between 15 and 25. I first studied the Law of One. I did not apply much of it. I thought through a lot of things like trying to solve a puzzle and I suppose it did lead me to a whole lot more "service to others" things than I would otherwise have done. But I did not apply all of it. A lot of it I just kind of memorised and didn't really used. This is not an uncommon occurence, I don't think. With how people experience various insights and teachings. 

One of the teachings I did not apply was the Law of One's perspective on 'transcient' information. I do not have an understanding of this teaching directly from the text. But, I have been slowly working through its relevance. Like, when I was still paying close attention to conspiracy information. When I would stop, I would have insights into my psychology and stuff. My normal process. 

After my "schizophrenic break" at 27. I was not able to meditate and was disinclined from spirituality in a way I had not been before. In fact, I deliberately did bad stuff to suppress the madness within. Conspiracy was that. 

During my kind of worship of David Wilcock, as I see it now. And my obsession with conspiracy theory. I also had a lot of anger towards leftists around me. I was an annoying schizophrenic truther. I did keep myself to myself a great deal. I still believed in the Free Will. But, I felt passionately about these things and wanted others to come around to my views. So I would discuss right wing politics and do things like read the Qur'an and talk to people about that. The Islam angle is a bigger part of conspiracy information in the UK. 

It was at this point, where what is going on in the world at the moment would have been amazing to me. It would have been what I really wanted. I did not only want the truth to be revealed. But the people surrounding me to be forced to acknowledge it. So that I would not be the mad person that believes in QAnon, but would actually be right about these things and also, so that what would logically follow. Mass arrests and a golden age of humanity, would also follow. 

On top of basic information I also had absorbed a great deal of Pizzagate type of stuff. The full horror aspect that I won't go into here. I thought that this horror being exposed to generally left wing centrist people that refused any of this was a kind of karma. 

This is the main emotional point I wanted to bring up here. Since there are probably people freshly awakening that are experiencing this. And are pushing forward the Epstein information due to this. I was never able to get any official information to back up my perspective. It was a different time. 

However, my life and my perspective changed. Bear in mind that I have been pretty much "awake" since I was 14. In investigating my medical condition, I realised they were not seriously trying to cure it. 

Come COVID lockdown, and the energy of conspiracy was winding down. Friends and family wrote me angry letters and said they were not seeing me again due to right wing viewpoints. Or just ghosted me. But I discovered dream interpretation. Which was always the solution against the schizophrenic stuff. I was able to meditate again and started praying and such. My "Christian path" so to speak. Was maturing. 

But as I have gone through all this. Years of looking at the conspiracy stuff in detail. Several elements are relevant. I have looked closely at it and having been interested in it, got to the point where it is less interesting. Things are more interesting when you first look at them. I have thought through the whole thing from a spiritual or philosophical perspective. Emotionally, it is hard to not try and incorporate a lot of very dark information into my world view. As an example, times when prayer has not worked for people. 

Most recently though. Now that I am properly reading the Law of One, and properly meditating. My meditations are an experience all of their own. It allows me to truly not be interested in that conspiracy stuff. I have experienced it. I have looked at it in the past. I experience it as disturbing the positive state I am in when I meditate and such. 

There is a deceptive belief I have observed. That somehow, by not looking at stuff, you are not honouring the victims or something like that. That they had to experience all that, and you are not even going to read about it. 

But, that is not relevant. I always wanted to be able to genuinely, emotionally experience a lack of interest in transcient types of information. Now we are here, now it seems like things are starting to actually move. This is exactly what I am experiencing. 

It would be an interesting twist of fate if everyone else starts getting interested in this now; and all I wanted to do was meditate and play music.  

Reflections on negative philosophy

Oh man, plumbing problem. So a few days away from blogging or even thinking of these things. No meditation.

I am just rebuilding myself a little after life chaos. Like, eating properly and stuff. But one of the things I did to chill recently. Is started a fight on reddit.

It was on a male, and probably older male focused subreddit. But I engaged in a philosophical discussion about determinism. It was a good enough subforum for me to passionately state my case, without being haranged and banned. They could handle conflict.

It started indirectly. I responded to something someone said and then got the idea to challenge the forum from what I have understood of Stefan Molyneux's understandings of determinism. 

But I learnt something I think. Or I observed something that I think illustrates an important point. 

I also, when looking for this material, went through my notes on Stefan Molyneux. I found them unbelievably profound and, for whatever reason. While I have retained a good deal of what he talks about. There is a lot I also haven't seemed to retain. A lot of things I read from my notes were as though I was reading for the first time. 

Anyway, Stefan Molyneux's argument against determinism. Not his full argument. Because he has many hours on it. But his argument from a podcast that was, 5682 "Determinism murders virtue". But just that podcast that I have already listened to makes several interesting cases. And it became my material to argue against the group of people I was arguing against, who were HEAVILY pro determinism. 

It is a good, intuitive argument, I think. But still, one pattern emerged. My understanding of determinism is that it is a philosophy that strips moral agency from people, by putting down the idea of free will. So an example from Stefans podcast, which none on that forum argued against, is that if a person is a determinist. They might believe that because their father beat them. They are destined to beat their child. That we have no free will. So this is just how it is.  

From this perspective, I am defining determinism as a fairly negative philosophy. Since the Law of One defines free will as the most important law of the Universe. We can say at least that it is categorically confused. 

So in examining this fairly negative philosophy. A few interesting patterns came up. It is also interesting as to how to handle negativity in general. 

Going back to Saint Francis of Assissi's definition. That negativity is a lack. It is a void. A few experiences I have had have made me think about that. So what happens when you confront negativity I think is that you attach, a person ideally attaches. Not to the negativity itself. Not to the substance of the determinists argument. Of which there is no substance. But to the more positive things that indirectly connect to it.

What did Stefan talk about? He talked about the intuitive change a person would experience if they thought they were speaking to a real person (I.e. the free will person) Or an AI (A being without free will). He talked about technical arguments. "Why would you do x if there was no y?" The flaw and bad faith in the argument that everyone is powerless relative to Omniscience.  He ends it on the description of the malevolence of the idea in relation to moral reasoning. 

But these are mostly things that don't actually reference the idea. But reference the natural positive instinct that people have that show that the idea is ridiculous or damaging. 

A lot of the examples I got back were kind of slimey. What people with bad theories often do is they simply try to represent their ideas well, by using generally positive terms and not defining said terms. There was not a lot of consistency in the response. Some people seemed to be using over intellectualised language. Which I thought through and challenged. 

People just tried to endlessly redefine what Determinism was. One time someone clearly said that we are compelled by our survival instincts. So everything is determinism and there is no free will. I said that there are people that commit to things such as feminism, and decide not to have kids. There are deliberate martyrs. 

The guy then said that this was no proof against determinism. So I said then that it is an unfalsifiable belief and was more of a "faith". There were a few attempts to define it as a kind of theological belief. So the goalposts shift. 

I can't expect a reddit subforum to properly articulate a high level philosophical belief. But I don't know that this is one. The Law of One subforum, with some notable exceptions. Had very little conception of what the Law of One actually said, and often made posts wildly diverging from it. I doubt a few of them had even read the Law of One. 

But, the emotional core of the argument. The motivation of why a lot of people pursue it, can be explored. Because it will be revealed under this kind of conflict. A few people started saying "Well, what do you think about free will". The argument is, semi obviously from the forum. Not so much a love of determinism. But a hatred of free will.  

So the points made were partially things like "If the belief is a rejection of another things, like Santa Claus or God, you don't need to justify it, so lack of a null hypothesis doesn't invalidate it."

The deep point of this forum is simply the refusal to believe in free will. Any point made against them meant that the definition of determinism shifted, to avoid being targeted. Because the thing that is fundamentally true and didn't shift. Is the idea of free will, that was being opposed. 

This is why the negative is so chameleon like. Because they are defining themselves against something, rather than for something. Which kind of puts them in the middle of "nothing", in a way. 

Which is why their belief cannot really be tackled head on. The Law of Free Will itself means that there are certain things that we cannot make others accept. To me, that says that for certain concepts. Proof will never be perfect.  

So how to handle this? In truth I believe these concepts CANNOT be opposed. I doubt very much whether what I have said on that forum has made an impact. It might have. But if and when it does, it will probably be in relation to other life events. 

I have often wondered to myself why the world is so bereft of supernatural events. In line with the Law of One. I do not accept that matter simply never responds like that. But I do see an incredible advantage in terms of polarity and spiritual laws, if all our conflict is restricted to the physical. To the real world, and the movement of resources. 

Theoretically, if what I have been saying is correct. If determinism is a really unpleasant ideology that paralyses the person. The pain for the people following it will come when they apply these ideas in the real world, and somehow, somewhere, someone pushes against them. It is how I think the world will work at other times. If someone I know disliked me for political reasons. If those were suddenly removed. The political reasons would be no excuse. Only their behaviour would be left. And they would have to justify it in other ways. 

Meditation: -> The funnel.

A second day of the same kind of meditation as yesterday. Completely mentally involved for half and hour and two days in a row means that I can repeat the process. That this is simply my new method of meditating. 

I am putting forward a tentative theory, as to a benefit of meditation. The Law of One talked about meditation in relation to processing. That if we hear and absorb information. If we don't meditate, then we don't process it. 

While meditating today I got a result. The result was that I became deeply aware, as a feeling, of one of the truths that I have heard again and again from social media and youtube videos. One of the truths that opposed my early childhood conditioning. Where we set up the general background emotional commitment to "how things are". 

As we grow older though, those things are less easy to change. So meditating creates this zone where that information finally slips deeper into our being. 

This direction also is on the way to answering a question I have constantly asked myself about real life. 

But another thing that seems relevant to me is that it is kind of like this:

What this shows, in my very crappy illustration. Is that deep inside us is this system I think. Each shape here represents a section of stuck beliefs/ feelings/ thoughts that blocks our general life force and experience. (The red life is our life force that becomes unobstructed as these things are solved!)

Meditation just detonates these, and the way it does so is that the various wisdom we have absorbed are actually applied to our emotions and thoughts. Often, the reason we have found this information is so that we can use it. Something we subconsciously know. 

Meditation though, is a tool. It is not the answer. Meditation will bring me these powerful insights and it solves my ... "psychological difficulties" for want of a better term. But there is no work put in to do meditation. I have done it for many years so there is that. I have probably trained myself physiologically to be very open to it and trained myself in the kind of faith and thinking through sources like the Law of One. But it does not provide anything in the real physical world

I am very excited about long term positive results of this practice. I feel I am deeply learning each time I do it.  

To meditate is to be.

A very self centered post but you will realise from reading this is because I am unusually happy with a recent success... 

Well, success, and I mean BIG success. Success that felt a bit like a drug high. That I think might have come close to 'contact' in a sense (In the Law of One, the contact talked a bit about how they valued the subtle connections we have with the spirits in our daily lives, even as much as a full on ET contact). 

Anyway, since I am praying regularly, things are good. (Gotta keep on top of that). I have also been trying to keep up with meditation. I tell myself that doing daily meditation is not the point, since I will not be able to do it one day. But I can pray every day. So my energy can be focused on the prayer, rather than the meditation per sey.

But I digress. 

I got my meditation together. I set up a few minutes, ahead of the meditation, to get things in order. I actually read the bible in this time, and I have a suspicion that my path will grow more in that direction as things continue. I will become more devout. But as yet, only a suspicion. Daily reading the Law of One is a big thing at the moment. 

Anyway, after this preparation. My meditation was deep. I mean DEEP. I have started to appreciate my earlier years of not having much of a life, being ill, and a bit of a 'loser' in the shallowest sense. Because it did allow me to meditate a lot. I value that now. 

So, what did I experience? I can't fully describe it. It was better than most of what I have experienced in life so far. It was a strange synergy of every little bit of information I have gained from the Law of One. My understanding of the spiritual reality. How it relates to real life. The realest of life. All combined with active insights. 

It was beautiful. It gave so much clarity. It was like when you suddenly gain a new perspective and you realise something that you thought was important, is not actually important. The insights are continuing but in a far more grounded and subtle way. It's just clarity really.

It is perfect.  

I have quite a lot to say that I can't articulate. Or that I suppose I could if I tried. But it also doesn't seem that important. 

I suppose I wondered if this blog, I would spontaneously come out with more profound stuff. I often come out with points I don't expect while writing these blogs. But it hasn't actually. I will leave it up though. Because at the very least. If there are other spiritual seekers out there. Another reminder to meditate (The Q'uo readings basically say that every reading!) Might be good. 

The Primacy of Prayer.

Very very often I have thought to myself. In my general rotation of the different tools that I use. Is there one that I can use, that if I used it every single day, would have the effect of improving my life. 

Meditation? Looking at the human design transits? Playing Music? Refraining from masturbation? Reading the Law of One?

But I think, finally. I have found what that thing may be.... Prayer. Making sure that I set an alarm to do two main prayers a day, and saying an additional set of prayers from a book at night. 

As might be obvious if someone were to read the last few weeks of this blog. I am reading through the Law of One again. Many of these blogs produce quotes that were sequential from the one before. So one from 48, 50, 53 etc. 

I had an unpleasant experience the other day. One that could have easily escalated in an unpleasant direction. I felt that it would go wrong a few moments before it did in a similar way to how it did (we can call this situation A). There was just an unpleasant vibe in the air. I was wondering, in general, as to the point of things and it was in fact a non positive coincidence that lead to the situation. In a way it was pointless. 

I have found a very strong correlation, impossibly strong. When I pray. Things kind of go OK. When I pray for a while they go so OK that I stop praying because it is not obvious that it is doing anything. But when I stop. I will just get some sort of nasty coincidence. Things will just start to go wrong in some way. When I was actually making a philosophy out of NOT praying a few days ago. A set of posts I may have deleted deciding it was not useful or correct. I got a health issue from a minor lack of judgement that put me out for four days and created a lot of discomfort. 

For me, the protective value of prayer is not in doubt. Even though I am still wrestling with a skeptical side to my nature. So I have reflected on what the value might be even if there was no larger positive entities not interacting with us. The take away is that doing prayer is very positive. It is this that I hope to do, day after day, and to look back on my life and see positive results. 

I said, in reference to 'scenario A', that it was unpleasant, could have gone far more wrong and was kind of pointless. In the Law of One, session 68, the three of talking to and transcribing the contact. Found that they were in real danger of being negatively infringed upon. It feels similar to my situation at the moment, albeit in a less important way. 

I also want to make another point here about the Law of One, this also from session 68:

Questioner: Then you are saying that if this fifth-density negative entity is successful in its attempts to transfer the mind/body/spirit complex when that complex is in what we call the trance state to negatively polarized time/space, then the higher self has no choice but to allow incarnation in negatively polarized space/time? Is that correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is incorrect. The Higher Self could allow the mind/body/spirit complex to remain in time/space. However, it is unlikely that the Higher Self would do so indefinitely due to its distortion towards the belief that the function of the mind/body/spirit complex is to experience and learn from other-selves thus experiencing the Creator. A highly polarized positive mind/body/spirit complex surrounded by negative portions of space/time will experience only darkness, for like the magnet, there is no, shall we say, likeness. Thus a barrier is automatically formed.

What is interesting here to me is that even though, the Law of One contact is talking about opposing entities of a kind of galactic level evil. That this also applies to the most basic every day situations we get with even mildly annoying people. "Thus a barrier is automatically formed". Is a principle that is relevant to our daily lives. 

Anyway. The reason that prayer is THE thing, I believe. Is that meditation is very liable to be stopped by illness or life chaos and once you don't do something only one day. The momentum is broken. Last week I had a few days where I was stressed about something and didn't sleep. The next few days I slept for about twelve hours each day. When you sleep for twelve hours and you are not necessarily expecting it. Like, you fall to sleep at 18:00, and you have other things going on. Then you don't have time to meditate. 

We'll see how it goes. But hopefully, this is the thing! 

Reflections on my schizophrenic break.

In 2014 I had a severe schizophrenic break. One which had real world consequences. 

With all the insights I am currently having. I am starting to get to a place where I have insight into this. Not only the situation itself, but the situations that followed it. 

I have annoyed a great deal of friends and family through being fairly focused on right wing talking points. It seems to me though that the right wing talking points were a desperate inner attempt at gaining some sort of objectivity, from not having it in my previous understandings. Combining mild left wing leanings and spiritual teachings like the Law of One. 

However, there was also the lack of strength in my spiritual beliefs. I had read through the Law of One. But the Law of One is a set of deeply powerful spiritual concepts. When life happens, it is easy to let some half imagined, abstract idea come in and mess with an understanding. The Law of One's understanding are refined and powerful, so when you are kind of in the 'flow' of life. Those understandings becoming confused, can be quite catastrophic. 

I talked two blogs ago about sending love and light to people in general. My previous thought process had started to think of this as a very bad thing to do. In fact, this was a distinct part of my paranoia. That if I did send any kind of love or positive feeling, it would have extremely negative consequences. 

Later on in my life, things that I am reflecting now. In relating to certain individuals where I did not feel they were necessarily that positive. I am starting to realise that having come away from this tactic was not positive at that time either. 

Bringing us to this specific quote from the Law of One:

Questioner: Thank you. In closing that part of the discussion I would just say that if there is anything that we can do that is within our ability— and I understand that there are many things such as the ones that you just mentioned that are not within our ability— that we could do for this particular entity, if you would in the future communicate its requests to us we will at least consider them because we would like to serve in every respect. Is this agreeable to you?

Ra: I am Ra. We perceive that we have not been able to clarify your service versus its desire for service. You need, in our humble opinion, to look at the humor of the situation and relinquish your desire to serve where no service is requested. The magnet will attract or repel. Glory in the strength of your polarization and allow others of opposite polarity to similarly do so, seeing the great humor of this polarity and its complications in view of the unification in sixth density of these two paths.

At the very base of it, this is something that I should have been aware of a long time ago. To 'relinquish your desire to serve where no service is requested', (a line to reread when it is hard to remember). From having first learned about the Law of One, having had the energy to kind of improve me. It seems obvious to me that in order to remain sane and strong to the principles relevant to it. It was important, and is important, to re-read the books and make sure that the information is strong in a sense. Not modifiable by passing thoughts and fancies. 

This line from the Law of One also clarifies for me something that I have thought about and written about before. 

Stefan Molyneux: "Love is our involuntary response to virtue if we are virtuous".

I have still been thinking about this. It is clarified a little by another quote by him: "Reason, leads to virtue, leads to happiness".

To understand this. I imagine two people. Two women. One is right wing in a sense. Has her own viewpoints. Settled down early with a husband she loves with a couple of rug rats. Has a good relationship with her family and such. Supports things like perhaps Christianity, and literature like Charles Dickens.

The second woman is a leftist. A real leftist. Believes in climate change/ feminism, and is all sorts of insane. Leftists have a passionate hate for right wing people in general. Tend to believe and act on things like the positivity of the independent woman and hook up culture. Tends to hate men. Tends to hang around with people that take all kinds of drugs. Not interested in a long term relationship. Slept with a lot of very high status men she hoped would want her for more than a hook up. 

Life is not as simple as this. These are stereotypes and caricatures. In actual fact often right wing/ Christian women, even if they are traditional, can be quite controlling since they now have to do a lot to keep up their status. But on a basic level. One of these people seems like she would be nice to hang around. The second one does not seem like she is nice to hang around. Talking to a woman who mostly is concerned with looking after kids and has awareness of powerful literature. Would be positive and a relief. The second sounds like endless unproductive drama. Like a real headache, that will probably not want to deal with you anyway if you have anything other than left wing cult like beliefs. 

This makes sense as to the 'love is our involuntary response to virtue if we are virtuous'. This feeling is involuntary. You don't have to work to prefer to deal with the first one.  

And this is what might be meant by "The magnet will attract or repel".  

Sending love/ The Characterisation of Villainy.

In this blog I will include casual spoilers of The Mentalist, Person of Interest and Breaking Bad. Not real spoilers. Not like "This is the identity of Red John". But, "this is how it was emotionally with Red Johns accomplice".

Firstly though, just a personal note. I wrote two blogs ago about reading session 67 of the Law of One and, in my interpretation of the material, the idea that sending 'love and light' to people in general IS a correct thing to do.

There is actually quite a lot going into this, it became something I really thought over a few years ago. I have had quite powerful insights into how I originally got a schizophrenic break. I think insights into this could be a very positive thing to communicate in the future.

Right now though, the good thing is... "Sending love to people". I believed I should not do this previously, so I have reversed this. I am doing it with both people I have known personally and organisations and such. Not always with a clear cut agenda. Like, I believe the Law of One said that sending love to negative entities harms them in a sense. Reference sessions 25 and possibly 67. I also believe it is likely that sending positive energy to people you do get along with is mostly positive. Although, in some cases I explicitly don't do so. I think if you have an open, loving, normal relationship with someone. Artifically sending "love" is not necessarily a good thing. 

Results, are few, and internal. But good. The main positive one. I mentioned on my original post how my ability to create music has kind of taken a nose dive in the past few years. In a strong way, said musical 'flow' returned. Not in making new music, but in playing old. It is true indeed I believe, that in order to connect with certain half finished previous songs. Sending love and light IS important. 

I do feel that it is a big thing, a big insight I have had and I am expecting ongoing positive things. I just want to quote this first to explain one of the things I don't think is right about 'sending love':

This woman talks a lot, directly opposing the non violence beliefs of Christianity and any other single thing that is non violent. She seems very high IQ. She provides a very good counterweight to articulate opposing arguments to the validity of certain spiritual ideas, I think. 

I've thought through her opinions at various times, internally, as I go through my various experiences in relation to spirituality. 

But, I want to oppose this one here. Sending love and light to a person does NOT, in my view, mean that you see them as more positive than you did before. Or that you would be less equipped to deal with conflict with them (in my case this is emotional conflict).

In general. When sending love and light to others. I get insights in general into my connections with them. This is simple things, but powerful things. Things such as: 'Oh, of course this person would have this perspective on the situation'. In a sense, I find that I am more able to let them go with these insights. It is folly to assume a certain thing will definitely cause a certain result. Sending love and light to someone does not automatically mean that I wish to never harm a hair on their head (perhaps this is the case with women and a more maternal love!) It might be shortened in a sense to 'attention'. And giving attention to something tends to reveal its truth. Rather than dictate a certain direction. 

I seriously think that this mental change for me will create real life changes as time goes on. The music insight alone is extremely powerful!

Anyway, onto our next subject here. This might not be relevant but I'm just posting it since it got to me a bit:

 

I made an article angry at this but then deleted it. '10 days' is a significant date in the Q communities and people were retweeting this. The Q communities are very used to false starts and disappointments. But they still will give it another weak shot. It's kind of annoying in a sense because a lot of people are suffering and holding out hope. 

Donald Trump had a statement today, and this man, Stephen Miller, was part of that statement. Was it of groundbreaking importance? I don't know, time will tell. It is not significant in the same way a mass arrest of Democrats including the Clintons would be significant. But it might still be significant.

Stephens announcement was that he has found corruption and lies within the reporting of crime statistics in Washington D.C. For me, I have always thought the mechanisms of gaining statistics is one of the best manipulation tactics of our politicians and neo liberal elite. If you don't know what a problem is, you can't address it. It was not crime statistics specifically that made me catch onto this. 

The characterisation of villainy.

The mentalist: 

I've been thinking, in general recently, as I watch a LOT of TV. (Being unemployed and of ill health). About the way these shows characterise negativity in general. Sort of like, crime or evil. 

In the Mentalist. a cop show but focused on a protagonist that uses mental tricks to solve crimes. The show focuses, for FAR too long in my view. On chasing a serial killer who has started off a kind of cult and has a lot of supporters. Hidden supporters. 

In almost all of the episodes of this show where a supporter is caught, they turn out to be the most mundane person that you could imagine. A therapist, a policeman, some guy on the board of a charity or something. The character will be all normal, and then when they are cornered completely shift: "I serve Red John". 

It makes me wonder about the nature of evil. I would expect a certain 'eliteness' to malevolence. But truly, is this the case? Anyone you talk to who has worked with victims of severe physical abuse, will tell you that it is quite common, and quite severe. People all over the world are going home and beating their kids half to death. Child trafficking is a big problem in the west. 

If that is the case, if it is not just 'the elite' doing these things, if the numbers are large, many of us could have interacted with some truly evil people, unawares. 

Though, it is not in that same style. It is not people that get a glaze over their eyes and start telling you about something as evil, and unambiguous, as their worship of a serial killer. 

One thing that springs to mind is the sudden aggressive physical opposition of ICE even when they are attempting to deport, sometimes, people that have violated children. But in a lot of cases serious criminals. It is difficult to strongly connect people with left wing beliefs from the genocidal chaos that is leftism as it gets more pure. A lot of left wing policies, if you try and communicate them to others, you won't be believed. Even their own supporters don't understand these things. 

But the pattern is kind of there all the same. The AWFUL's being arrested by ICE are the most normal people that you would hope to meet! 

Breaking Bad:

The world of criminality, is one that I do not have any experience of. I wonder sometimes how much I am being educated about real criminality when I watch these shows. How much is just completely incorrect and made up. Breaking Bad, when I watched it, really gave me a feel I was looking into some very educated information about how said criminal world works. 

A lot of inside information about how to make Meth. In one scene Jessie, who has experience in the criminal underworld, says to Walter: "Why are we here? This is like a non drug dealers idea of where a drug deal should be. We should have gone to the mall". Then when the drug dealer they are dealing with meets them he says "Why are we out here homie? Was the mall closed?"

Person of Interest;

A new gem I have found. I don't think it is as popular as the previous two. I am not that far through it. But so far it is a professional show. 

In Person of Interest, there is a group of corrupt cops. The reasoning behind one of the senior members makes a great deal of sense. He said that he liked one of the new up and coming criminals because he "keeps a low profile and he greases the right wheels". To him, for the police to control an entire territory is too much work. Too unpredictable. To have a criminal that is reasonably civilised doing it. This makes sense in strange, structured, cop logic. 

One of the things I also wondered about in this show was that this 'up and coming' criminal was a bit like a Wall Street Guy. Extremely intelligent. The kind of person that would get more money in stocks than controlling the streets. It is another thing I wonder. Do these people really exist in the criminal world? 

Going the other way

The other way this could work is looking at real criminal things and seeing if they correlate with the show. 

In one of these shows. there was a person going around killing single parents. When investigated, this turned out to be that they were not in fact single parents before they were killed. The children were falsified after they die so an individual could claim to have adopted the children and receive money for this. 

Well, let us look at a real situation like this. The daycare fraud in Minnesota. In the show, this was all a very refined event. Full of complex maneouvering and generally smart, high IQ, people. The Somalian fraud is not that. The Minnesota fraud is very unsophisticated. It was discovered by a 23 year old youtuber driving around different daycares having a look. 

I don't know if there is this incredible refinement to negativity. Evil is, in a lot of cases, incredibly lazy. It's excuses are often made on the fly and they are ridiculously easy to see through. I can't remember where I heard this, perhaps in some analysis of Lord of the Rings. But there is an incredibly reliable, "disgusting" aspect to evil. 

And, not evil but negativity in general. Crime, drugs, sexual degeneracy of various intensities. There is a LOT of it. If it ever does start to be handled. It does seem to be at the moment. Perhaps we will get a clearer image of what it is. 

The human design new year, gates 61, 60 and 41.

Reflecting on the human design chart:

It's very frustrating working with something so obscure and abstract as astrology in general and the human design. While I am sure it is true. I seem to be often guided to and have insights that it is the tool to use at any given time. The strange art of watching signs in the sky to be timed with subtle changes in reality, just subtle coincidences in life. Is all rather passive in a sense.

But nevertheless, I do believe it, it is to some extent my "faith". 

One of the patters that has seemed clear to me since looking at this system, and astrology in general. Is the obvious logic that if something is going to change. Then the moments before it actually does is a period where the LEAST change is happening. Change only happens when the forces pushing for it have overcome the resistance to such change. So it breaks a bit like a damn in a sense. 

The Human Design New Year is coming around January 22nd. I tend to feel things kind of stagnate a bit in this period. Our modern rituals put New Year a few weeks before obviously. Right around the time when the Sun is in gate 38. it then goes through 54 - 61 - 60, then the new hexagram is gate 41. 

There's a lot to explain here. Gate 61 is a kind of enlightenment of sorts. It is the beginning of the mystical or psychological process. This is equal to the Religious (64-47) and scientific (63-4). In January 2020, Saturn and Pluto conjunct at gate 61. This provided, in my reading, a huge burst of energy that 'enlightened' the world. The light provided was that circumstances revealed a lot of peoples inner nature to the world. We all of a sudden knew who would turn against us for political disagreements. 

The following hexagram is gate 60. Because as we can see in the world. After that light is revealed. Oftentimes, it is inconvenient. It has definitely been inconvenient in this example. People want to sweep it under the rug. To forget. But the limitation, gate 60, prevents that. Everything clams up and gets stuck. There is no new situations to celebrate. No new partners. No new jobs. The situation must be dealt with. All the hidden limitations come to the fore. 

Gate 60 has deep spiritual implications. It is a gate I have worked with closely in examining and understanding my "not self". What the real limitations are matters in this space. Because what our limitations are, are not always obvious. Sometimes, for example, we think what was actually a physical issue, was a mental issue, or just bad luck. There are literal layers that have to sometimes be uncovered to see our real limitations. 

It matters what the real limitations are, because it is not at all clear what the path forward, as shown by the gate 41 is, if said limitations cannot be seen.  

Gate 41, is big though. It feeds directly into gate 30. Which I believe shows, in the not self, the madness of certain left wing beliefs and it's link to narcissism. Relating to Chiron and Neptunes meeting in gate 30 in February 2010. 

Gate 41 correlates with evolutionary psychology. It's descriptions as 'Decrease', could also link to issues with the economy, although I have never observed that happen. 

Regardless, where I am going with this is that it is my hope that something politically significant will come with this transit. Venus is actually currently in gate 41.2. Once the sun goes there, Mars will also follow. They are not all out of the gate 41 (aside from Pluto that is long term transitting), until February 2nd when Mars leaves.  

Like I say, it is all too maddeningly abstract. But it would be interesting to think about.  

The Law of One and sending love and light.

I have been reading the Law of One. There was something in session 66 which I just cannot get a handle on. Something like, that if someone uses an illness to improve their life, it becomes more difficult to cure that illness. 

Very confusing. Something I have to turn over in my head. 

Anyway, this from session before the point that I found interesting:

Questioner: I will ask if I am correct in this analysis. We would consider that the entity making this so-called attack is offering its service with respect to its distortion in our polarized condition now so that we may more fully appreciate its polarity, and we are appreciative and thank this entity for its attempt to serve our One Creator in bringing to us knowledge in, shall I say, a more complete sense. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. There is no correctness or incorrectness to your statement. It is an expression of a positively polarized and balanced view of negatively polarized actions which has the effect of debilitating the strength of the negatively polarized actions.

This, in general, is a very odd perspective. That negative people in the world should be kind of appreciated. 

This was the interesting line for me though, when I last read it: 

Questioner: Then how could we solve this paradox?

Ra: I am Ra. Consider, if you will, that you have no ability not to serve the Creator since all is the Creator. In your individual growth patterns appear the basic third-density choice. Further, there are overlaid memories of the positive polarizations of your home density. Thus your particular orientation is strongly polarized towards service to others and has attained wisdom as well as compassion.

You do not have merely two opposite requests for service. You will find an infinite array of contradictory requests for information or lack of information from this source if you listen carefully to those whose voices you may hear. This is all one voice to which you resonate upon a certain frequency. This frequency determines your choice of service to the One Creator. As it happens this group’s vibratory patterns and those of Ra are compatible and enable us to speak through this instrument with your support. This is a function of free will.

A portion, seemingly, of the Creator rejoices at your choice to question us regarding the evolution of spirit. A seemingly separate portion would wish for multitudinous answers to a great range of queries of a specific nature. Another seemingly separate group of your peoples would wish this correspondence through this instrument to cease, feeling it to be of a negative nature. Upon the many other planes of existence there are those whose every fiber rejoices at your service and those such as the entity of whom you have been speaking which wish only to terminate the life upon the third-density plane of this instrument. All are the Creator. There is one vast panoply of biases and distortions, colors and hues, in an unending pattern. In the case of those with whom you, as entities and as a group, are not in resonance, you wish them love, light, peace, joy, and bid them well. No more than this can you do for your portion of the Creator is as it is and your experience and offering of experience, to be valuable, needs be more and more a perfect representation of who you truly are. Could you, then, serve a negative entity by offering the instrument’s life? It is unlikely that you would find this a true service. Thus you may see in many cases the loving balance being achieved, the love being offered, light being sent, and the service of the service-to-self oriented entity gratefully acknowledged while being rejected as not being useful in your journey at this time. Thus you serve One Creator without paradox.

The reason this is interesting to me. Is that "sending love and light" to people that I do not get on with is something I have mulled over for a long time. I had thought that it is strictly not the right thing to do because it is a violation of free will. But this session seems to indicate that it should be sent to this purely malevolent entity that DEFINITELY would not consent to it under free will. 

I have not found it to be effective to pray for others without permission. That DOES seem to be more of a free will issue. But sending love might not have been as bad as I had initially thought. I have decided many times NOT to send love, thinking it to not be positive. But this quote blows that out of the water. 

But perhaps it is in fact fine. Also, I used to be able to write music, I used to flow more often. Now I am coming up with lyrics less often. This is probably just age. But I do wonder, when I was younger, if I fell out with someone, often a hot girl, I would still feel love due to that testosterone/ idealism type of thing that young men have. So I wonder, if I send love, it would allow me to continue with a lot of songs. In order to articulate a lot of the complexity in a situation. Love perhaps still needs to be involved. 

Reflections on societal responsibility.

This is a video I want to make a comment on today. Not a particularly direct comment:

Youtube: Chiara: Musings on the G center in human design. Dated 12th of January:

https://youtu.be/OR2094DLhpY?si=x7JNjKceWcLjZM4i

These sorts of casual discussions on the human design I have always found to be very useful. Often when people get overly confined to structure they miss out the benefits of a story that has little insights within it.  

While watching this video I had an insight on responsibility/ accountability in general. It strikes me that having a human design chart in front of a person. Having the person they could ideally be, I suppose. Might change some of what we feel about them. 

The quote earlier that I wrestled with about "love being our involuntary response to virtue if we are virtuous". Might link to this. It is not a thought I have completed. But it is interesting. 

I used to know a girl with an undefined G. I have said this before, but I have to repeat it here for context. We were friends but I was not well enough for actual sex. So we played about a bit but nothing serious. We spent a lot of time together though, but she was borderline. With severe mental issues. Putting it lightly. And she jumped off a cliff.

I have wrestled with the very masculine, self help or philosophical idea of one hundred percent responsibility. I believe it makes sense. It is the opposite to a powerless perspective. 

But I have wrestled a little bit with it as it applies to me personally. Since I have a serious medical condition, and it is only recently that I have been kind of... well. I have had a lot of issues because of this. The medical condition really screwed me up. Issues with anger and such like that. 

So, it seems to me that it is hard to take responsibility for a previous situation, emotionally. This is the issue I think with the discussion on responsibility in general. For me.  The emotional element. When it is discussed and people are challenged it is often strongly emphasized. It is very what I would have once called a "neurotypical way of thinking". That every single thing needs to be processed emotionally to be "real". 

But the insight I had as to how I interacted with this girl. I have a defined G, and all the additional things that provide context to that for me. How, as the defined G, I could have explained of modelled certain things. It stung. But it also got past that emotional difficulty. Regardless of what the emotions are. I can see the best way things could have gone down in a way they didn't, and it doesn't have any emotional connection. 

It's like listening to someone complain about money, and the larger economy, when you know fully well their voting choices have created this issue. There are many issues I think, with how much blame should lay on people voting destructively. You could say that people are tricked. That the negative has fashioned the world in a way that someone going to put a tick in a box in a voting booth creates galactic level crimes and this is an unfair trick. Or you could say that no, those people voted the way they did. Often bullied and socially ostracised others based on said propaganda, and they need to take emotional responsibility. 

The middle route is, it doesn't matter, I cannot know and do not care about this emotional element. But we can describe and explain the mechanical element in the chart. Person held this political idea and it moved xy and z parts of the chart into the not self, as an example! 

 

Getting it wrong.

Even though my ideas on stopping prayer, still make complete sense to me logically. In experiential terms, it has not. 

I do apologise. Lately I seem to be feeling around in the dark a little in order to find spiritual insights and general ways of improving.

I have reverted those posts to drafts. So they are not visible any longer. Since it makes no sense to put out something I don't believe is true. There have been other posts previously which I was not quite sure were true or not. But I left them up. Since there were parts of the reasoning that were still legitimate. But this one there was nothing, I don't think, that was legitimate. 

So, I made a post with a few ideas about prayer. The reasoning still might be sound... In theory. But when it comes to real life it is not practical.  

I have also wondered along with this if separating myself from the Q'uo readings is not completely correct. For two reasons: A) The Law of One contact said that Carla was doing very well in her alignment with the Creator. B) She was a very talented channel. So she can channel, and those entities speaking through her are not just her. 

I went on the lawofone.info site links recently. Going through some blogs and such. The retardation is strong. One of the articles I saw was titled: "Charlie Kirks strategic targetting of minorities".

The attitude towards left wing individuals is something I have not quite solved. While I do take Stefan Molyneux's viewpoints on a lot of things. I do agree with the theory again strongly. There is not really a way to get out of 'taxation is the initiation of the use of force' and such. It's not as clear in my experience that all left wingers are inherently 'sinful', and the Law of One does not cast the situation on Earth to be a fight we are involved in. Which makes the left less dangerous. Being less like people that might destroy civilisation, and more like a population to be managed by higher angelic forces.

There is a mega powerful transit coming. Four planets in gate 61. Maybe I'll go into that. But I just wanted to mention it. 

 

 

Session 61.9. Subjectivity.

Firstly starting off with a reflection on this Q and A from the Law of One:

Questioner: This brings out the point of the purpose for the physical incarnation, I believe. And that is to reach a conviction through your own thought processes as to a solution to problems and understandings in a totally unbiased or totally free situation with no proof at all or anything that you would consider proof, proof being a very poor word in itself. Can you expand on my concept?

Ra: I am Ra. Your opinion is an eloquent one although somewhat confused in its connections between the freedom expressed by subjective knowing and the freedom expressed by subjective acceptance. There is a significant distinction between the two.

This is not a dimension of knowing, even subjectively, due to the lack of overview of cosmic and other inpourings which affect each and every situation which produces catalyst. The subjective acceptance of that which is at the moment and the finding of love within that moment is the greater freedom.

That known as the subjective knowing without proof is, in some degree, a poor friend for there will be anomalies no matter how much information is garnered due to the distortions which form third density. 

Subject knowing versus subjective acceptance! 

This session and answer has definitely joined a few neurons in my brain. Provided a kind of answer to a very internal query. 

There is a bit of a trap that a person can find themselves in I think. When looking for truth. Weighing up a belief in a larger spiritual reality, which cannot be completely justified objectively. For instance, in the Law of One. 

The trap is, I think, that if you have to throw out objectivity to some extent. The tendency is to fall back on a subjective truth. The reality becomes that the subjective has larger meaning. Perhaps based on a religious or spiritual experience of some sort. 

But then subjective knowing and subjective acceptance are not distinguished between and I will do my best to explain what I think each does mean:

Subjective acceptance: This is something that I cannot justify why it is a virtue. But is talked about in the Law of One. Subjective acceptance is that our subjective experiences are accepted. So if we do have a spiritual experience that is purely subjective. We do not pretend it didn't happen. That this extends to accepting what is going on in our lives and what that would mean in general. So it kind of becomes objective eventually. 

Subjective knowing: Subjective information. Like let's say a lot of this information, such as talked about by the Law of One. Becomes kind of formalised, in New Age beliefs as an example. If we were to take the belief that life is a set of lessons that are planned by higher forces. Then we can impute that belief onto the real world. It can become dogmatic. 

This means that we really can be sure of very little. To restrict our experience to subjective acceptance, rather than subjective knowing that would seem to come from that.  

Writing Smut.

Root issues. 

I have talked recently about root energy issues in general.

I think about sex a bit. But not just in the way that all guys, and probably all people do. Like experiences I would like to have or whatever/ girls I want. But, I am not well, do not have money and really lack energy even if I did get a relationship, or so much as a female friendship. I am left with the drive but nowhere for it to go. 

The law of One vaguely advises on this. They say that if a person has a fantasy that is 'not consonant with the Law of One'. So, there are all sorts of unhealthy and unethical things we fantasize about. The best way to handle it is to play it out in the imagination. 

To me, I wondered for a while, if I could take that 'imagined' scenarios and put them in written form. Create another of what female writers in general like so much. A smut story. But a male one obviously. There are plenty of these stories on the internet already. 

This comes up in relation to my chart. I have the gate 58.2: A genius for perverse stimulation that afflicts oneself and others by promoting degeneracy and reducing joy to indulgence and decadence. 

Perspective.

I have often either wrote or wanted to write these stories. But I have often also, felt they were debased and wrong. Especially when I include real people in them. Like, people I know in the real world. So I have often ended up deleting them. But they are kind of good. I am able to write these stories.

Partly to push against this tendency I have tried my hand at writing normal stories. But just stories that are about mine and others ideal future. The trouble with these stories though. Is that they are no good. They are ridiculously cheesie in a way. It is like I am just suited to write the smut stories and do not enjoy writing normal stories. As though I just have more inclination and motivation. I get completely there would be more motivation to explore something carnal than something of any particular higher meaning. The carnal stuff comes first. 

The reason I have previously stopped with these stories is because they are debased, and because I have worried that writing them effects my real life negatively. Like, if I were to talk to someone my conception of them might be effected by these smut stories going through my mind. This is also in relation to metaphysical things that might be effecting things. In the New Age and Law of One those thought based effects on reality are considered very real. 

BUT, I realise this is not necessarily correct. Since, there is no physical effect of this reality. I have got no effect of positively getting on with any of these people, or people similar to them. From not doing those stories. 

When I am writing those stories and I attribute my lack of social success to potentially those stories. That is completely wrong. I just need to push on and not let the idea effect me.

Human Design:

Today, Venus is in gate 58.5 which I also have, and often correlates with ideas about writing these kinds of stories. It is not clear from the white book if this clarifies anything. But it is about whether or not someone succumbs to temptations. 

This doesn't mean I definitely will create these stories. Just that thinking through the various factors that impact it.  

We all get down sometimes.

At the moment. I am "unconnected". I don't know if everyone knows what that means. But I think everyone knows what it is like to feel "out of sorts" in some manner or other. Everyone has a kind of flow state where things work better, and a less than flow state where things feel a bit more "out of tune". 

It is likely health issue linked. I can't get on with meditation when I have a health problem, and that is the literal base of my spirituality. I am also thinking something over in the Law of One, so not reading further. Reading a session is usually pretty fantastic in general.

I think this time is productive though. I think I am working through something about how life works and such. Things that I need to accept about myself. 

This shift might be coming since I have shifted my way of processing, as previously discussed, and perfectly in line with transiting Pluto leaving gate 60.6 and entering gate 41.1. The shift is... no more energy healing... Only prayer is ever used by me. 

My plan is... getting back to meditation. After, sleeping properly. I normally sleep very well, but only seem to stay asleep for a few hours at a time at the moment. I DID notice huge shifts in my mental perspective that are interesting, having been on low sleep and having just slept. But those are reflections for other times.

I am also seriously questioning my tendency towards prayer, the rote prayers I do often. It feels very unsafe to stop it and I do get benefits from it. But I've noticed it is a bit of an energy drain. I have this set of prayers which I use from a book before I go to bed that even seem to have a positive effect on others. BUT, there is something draining and not right about it, and something more refreshing about the dreams when I do not pray. I do not get this sensation with prayers I have created, they don't have a connected energy drain. But I think maybe the language and my sensation of a general liberal leaning (the prayer for the good of the world includes the word 'racism'), are starting to mean that these prayers are not good for me.   

Anyway, that's all. I decided to make this post because I am quite sure it is a post that others relate to. 

Reflections on root chakra issues.

I have not kept up with the Semen Retention. The illness I suffered a few days ago left me in a very low place and having more energy in that place, not sleeping. Was not practical.

There was also another concern though. The Law of One in their discussion of polarity summarised that the negative polarity, often suppresses it's energy so said energy can later be released at a moment that increases it's distortion to power. So as an example, suppressing anger and seeming positive and absolutely exploding in threatening anger when it is needed.   

As my "root chakra" energy started to gain. I found that the best way to not have 'carnal' thoughts in general. Was to just scroll past any posts/ social media, with female images. 

Unfortunately though, it seems to me this kind of anger. This attempting to literally erase any idea of lust from my mind. Also kind of stops the flow of their output in general. It is the effort to suppress the sex drive. it pushes it down so inevitably the lust floats back up.

Women often also connect their image to their general output of sweetness.  

I think this is why a lot of men have so much trouble with semen retention. 

There are other relevant things. I like this youtube creator. I am getting a little desperate with figuring out ways to increase health around other limitations. I want to lose weight for example, but my ability to change my diet and exercise, is carefully, and quite seriously, limited by various factors.

So I like to try and imagine myself doing exercise. It's one of the things that I am exploring. It is perhaps unrealistic. A little like a lot of my ideas. But it's still something I am thinking of:

Article. Dr David R Hamilton: The Science of Mental Reps: Build Strength with your brain:

https://drdavidhamilton.com/the-science-of-mental-reps-build-strength-with-your-brain/

So one of the things I like to do is to watch videos like this, that are surprisingly unsexual for me. Despite the fact it is a female form. I do though, prefer the beautiful female form to a guy doing this:

Youtube: TRAIN WITH GAINESBYBRAINES: 30 DAYS AB WORKOUT: 14 DAY AB CHALLENGE.

https://youtu.be/ZawiEE3xB-U?si=GHd49cTI4hVJa3Zi

The point is also partly to just keep thinking of it so I am more likely to exercise in general. 

So that's just some general thoughts I have on the subject. It is a difficult balance and perhaps impossible one. I will be seeking to allow myself to think freely, to let my attraction to women continue. But at the same time will be seeking to lessen the levels of lust that originally lead to not being able to do any semen retention. 

Our changing society. Gate 38.

I realise this post might be a bit too personal, boring and even vaguely schizophrenic. I hope it provides value in that I am thinking through the Law of One. But I did feel the need to add this proviso at the beginning. I am partway through as I write this but I hope to end on a good point about society and such. 

New Years and the gate 38. 

I can't stand New Years Eve. I have never liked it. I think the best one I ever had was drinking a whole bottle of Baileys and watching the first episode of a vampire show that I never followed up on. 

In the practical real world. This is because I don't really have friends. The previous friend I did have I hung out with occasionally. I recall them all leaving on New Years Eve and every party or event has turned out to be bad luck. I have ended up walking home as the time crossed 0:00. I used to think this was because the real Human Design New Year is on January 22nd. When the Sun crosses into gate 41. But now I've started to think it is because on New Years Eve. The Sun is in gate 38. And that is a damn difficult gate. 

The gate of the fighter. From the channel of struggle.  

Which fits my current experience. Having been quite ill the past few days I am recovering. 

From the Law of One session 61: 

Questioner: Is there anything in particular that the instrument could do to improve the physical condition?

Ra: I am Ra. This instrument has two factors affecting its bodily distortions. This is in common with all those which by seniority of vibration have reached the green-ray level of vibratory consciousness complexes.

The first is the given instreamings which vary from cycle to cycle in predictable manner. In this particular entity the cyclical complexes at this space/time nexus are not favorable for the physical energy levels.

The second ramification of condition is that which we might call the degree of mental efficiency in use of catalyst provided for the learning of programmed lessons in particular and the lessons of love in general.

This instrument, unlike some entities, has some further distortion due to the use of pre-incarnative conditions.

My emphasis. Obviously, since Law of One quotes aren't randomly bolded. This line was one of those moments for me where I have to put down the book and try and digest it. That, with some other things in dream interpretation. These are good moments. Having met something so profound you have to think it over before you absorb anything new. 

Applying the quotes. 

The profundity is more in line with reading the Law of One repeatedly, reading not just the words but absorbing the overlying pattern. What we are here doing is to absorb and use everything in our real life. To "process all of our catalyst". I have watched this be a part of other admirable peoples lives. 

To me the line would likely be 'catalyst provided for the learning of programmed lessons and in particular and the lessons of wisdom in general. Assuming I do have lessons since the fifth density incarnate wanderer on Earth is already harvestable to sixth density. However, I do think I have lessons. 

So what does this spate of illness. What catalyst has it been providing me? For me, I felt like I finally might have got something right. But then, I might have got one of the particulars wrong. 

When I realised a bit of time would be spent in recovery I realised it is an opportunity to fully REJECT energy healing as a potential solution to anything. Energy healing is a thing I have returned to periodically that is always somewhat toxic. I have even had dreams, multiple dreams in fact, summarising to me that this is not positive. One of those reasons may be a certain lack of emotional empathy. I cannot extend the healing to others once I have theoretically healed myself, because I have not had the experience of caring for other massively. I do look after family members and such but my emotional empathy "doth not overflow". In the same way that an introvert doesn't have masses of energy for socialising. 

I suspect partly, that the reason for this, is that I desire very strongly to oppose evil. If I was life planning and I was discussing said plans with higher entities and they said to me something like. "You can have a distortion towards healing but you would spend a decade and a half as a leftist as well". That would be a hard 'no' for me. 

But I still wanted healing. Without turning to energy healing it is a bit more about just waiting it out. So I turned to prayer. Waking up I had an insight and decided to send energy to a few people. So this was my almost learning the lesson but getting the fine print wrong. 

I got what I consider energetic responses. Like, someone very similar to the person I sent energy to turned up and I got insights into that person that energy. I also got an instinct to contact someone, and I was reminded of the massively unproductively complex connection we have. 

For me, as a fifth density entity... "Love", as in sending Love. Does not make a difference. It does not solve anything. It does not shift or provide solutions to anything. So the point is. No sending love to myself in the form of energy healing. No sending love to others. 

What does make a difference.

What I think does make a difference is gaining enough wisdom on my situation that I understand why it is the way it is, and thus that I am able to moreso accept it. 

At the moment my situation is largely unchangeable. I am of course growing in ways that matter. Like, my understanding of the Law of One, and I am improving in health. I am probably improving in health as a direct result of not being employed and not being employed in the current market. So even though being unemployed is frustrating. There is a positive element to it. 

HOWEVER, the world is a larger place and even though I don't socialise. Moving forward in my life would assume that socialising would be necessary. 

In reflecting on gender roles, as this is the crux of the issue I think. (Because even men are controlled by women). My understanding is that men are fundamentally designed to work and provide value. To provide resources. They provide this, and what follows on is their instinct to look after a wife and family. What men desire when they have money is to get a woman and put her in the kitchen. To summarise in a very basic way. 

Every single car, computer, every cement block on the pavement, is due to mens desire for status in this way. 

Women are in a different place. They are born with beauty and an excess level of emotional energy. They are about looking after babies, or people, knitting together communities, and generally through that mechanism supporting whatever the tribal values are. Women are vulnerable to, and repeaters of, whatever the dominant propaganda is of the day. 

This stuff is deeply, deeply placed in our genetics. In our very being. As far as I understand. So men go out looking for ways to provide value in the world. Gain resources. The world is more likely to shame men that are not able to do so. As they are not useful to the tribe. (They don't have the inherent value of the female reproductive system).

So mens value is themselves + the job they are able to do and resources they provide. In the normal situation, women have to gain those resources from men. So they are nice to men. They think about ways to get said resources. They are charming. 

There is more to this that I won't go into. 

At the moment what we have is men but no jobs. A lot of them. Since as we have seen recently. A lot of white millennial men are deliberately excluded from workplaces by woke retards. But what we have is a lot of subsidised female jobs. Of course, there are real female jobs as well. But, disproportionately, women are getting a lot more of the jobs and some of those jobs are completely subsidised. "Lazy girl jobs", as seen on TikTok and such, can see women getting six figures for doing barely anything.

So this creates a long term toxic effect. Women have a lot of value. Female reproductive system + Job. A huge amount of value. Men have no value. No female reproductive system and potentially no job. And the ones that do have jobs, their money is taken from them and given to women via the government and taxes. So it leads to this effect where women. Just don't care about men in general. And they are not willing to concede that they are right about anything. It is the left wing bundle of neurosis or the high way. 

The reason this is partly done is to stagnate society. Men are innovators because that kind of groundbreaking creativity. The Elon Musk/ Nicola Tesla's of the world. Is a male thing. Men, even from about six months show greater tendencies towards systemising than women. The look at how things run and push for them to run better. 

Women do not have that testosterone. They favour the status quo. And speech policing everyone as though they were looking after infants. Their movement in general, opposes meritocracy and competence.  

This leads to a difficult situation but it is in the process of rectifying. It has begun in the US but it will spread to other countries. Manufacturing is returning to the US. By many times. DEI has gone. So men will rise in power. It will go back to where men have the competence, and the resources, and women, and various other communist affiliated groups, will be strongly incentivised to go back on the value system that they have built over the last few decades. 

When a group in society goes from powerless to powerful, it will cause quite a lot of potential friction. 

Conclusion:

So that is the wisdom that keeps me together. It correlates with an emotional desire for 'revenge'. But it is not really revenge, just the knowledge, the wisdom, of how things actually are. One of the things that is relevant to discussing these concept is "What precise emotion or thing connects to a word". Since revenge can mean different things. But it is possible to align such a word with something that is higher and for the good. 

This world and this society has reached such levels of darkness and confusion that it could be that when things change, we will simply look back on a lot of these troublesome behaviours as a time shrouded in darkness that does not make any particular sense. Or perhaps moral lessons will be drawn from it.