Sending love/ The Characterisation of Villainy.

In this blog I will include casual spoilers of The Mentalist, Person of Interest and Breaking Bad. Not real spoilers. Not like "This is the identity of Red John". But, "this is how it was emotionally with Red Johns accomplice".

Firstly though, just a personal note. I wrote two blogs ago about reading session 67 of the Law of One and, in my interpretation of the material, the idea that sending 'love and light' to people in general IS a correct thing to do.

There is actually quite a lot going into this, it became something I really thought over a few years ago. I have had quite powerful insights into how I originally got a schizophrenic break. I think insights into this could be a very positive thing to communicate in the future.

Right now though, the good thing is... "Sending love to people". I believed I should not do this previously, so I have reversed this. I am doing it with both people I have known personally and organisations and such. Not always with a clear cut agenda. Like, I believe the Law of One said that sending love to negative entities harms them in a sense. Reference sessions 25 and possibly 67. I also believe it is likely that sending positive energy to people you do get along with is mostly positive. Although, in some cases I explicitly don't do so. I think if you have an open, loving, normal relationship with someone. Artifically sending "love" is not necessarily a good thing. 

Results, are few, and internal. But good. The main positive one. I mentioned on my original post how my ability to create music has kind of taken a nose dive in the past few years. In a strong way, said musical 'flow' returned. Not in making new music, but in playing old. It is true indeed I believe, that in order to connect with certain half finished previous songs. Sending love and light IS important. 

I do feel that it is a big thing, a big insight I have had and I am expecting ongoing positive things. I just want to quote this first to explain one of the things I don't think is right about 'sending love':

This woman talks a lot, directly opposing the non violence beliefs of Christianity and any other single thing that is non violent. She seems very high IQ. She provides a very good counterweight to articulate opposing arguments to the validity of certain spiritual ideas, I think. 

I've thought through her opinions at various times, internally, as I go through my various experiences in relation to spirituality. 

But, I want to oppose this one here. Sending love and light to a person does NOT, in my view, mean that you see them as more positive than you did before. Or that you would be less equipped to deal with conflict with them (in my case this is emotional conflict).

In general. When sending love and light to others. I get insights in general into my connections with them. This is simple things, but powerful things. Things such as: 'Oh, of course this person would have this perspective on the situation'. In a sense, I find that I am more able to let them go with these insights. It is folly to assume a certain thing will definitely cause a certain result. Sending love and light to someone does not automatically mean that I wish to never harm a hair on their head (perhaps this is the case with women and a more maternal love!) It might be shortened in a sense to 'attention'. And giving attention to something tends to reveal its truth. Rather than dictate a certain direction. 

I seriously think that this mental change for me will create real life changes as time goes on. The music insight alone is extremely powerful!

Anyway, onto our next subject here. This might not be relevant but I'm just posting it since it got to me a bit:

 

I made an article angry at this but then deleted it. '10 days' is a significant date in the Q communities and people were retweeting this. The Q communities are very used to false starts and disappointments. But they still will give it another weak shot. It's kind of annoying in a sense because a lot of people are suffering and holding out hope. 

Donald Trump had a statement today, and this man, Stephen Miller, was part of that statement. Was it of groundbreaking importance? I don't know, time will tell. It is not significant in the same way a mass arrest of Democrats including the Clintons would be significant. But it might still be significant.

Stephens announcement was that he has found corruption and lies within the reporting of crime statistics in Washington D.C. For me, I have always thought the mechanisms of gaining statistics is one of the best manipulation tactics of our politicians and neo liberal elite. If you don't know what a problem is, you can't address it. It was not crime statistics specifically that made me catch onto this. 

The characterisation of villainy.

The mentalist: 

I've been thinking, in general recently, as I watch a LOT of TV. (Being unemployed and of ill health). About the way these shows characterise negativity in general. Sort of like, crime or evil. 

In the Mentalist. a cop show but focused on a protagonist that uses mental tricks to solve crimes. The show focuses, for FAR too long in my view. On chasing a serial killer who has started off a kind of cult and has a lot of supporters. Hidden supporters. 

In almost all of the episodes of this show where a supporter is caught, they turn out to be the most mundane person that you could imagine. A therapist, a policeman, some guy on the board of a charity or something. The character will be all normal, and then when they are cornered completely shift: "I serve Red John". 

It makes me wonder about the nature of evil. I would expect a certain 'eliteness' to malevolence. But truly, is this the case? Anyone you talk to who has worked with victims of severe physical abuse, will tell you that it is quite common, and quite severe. People all over the world are going home and beating their kids half to death. Child trafficking is a big problem in the west. 

If that is the case, if it is not just 'the elite' doing these things, if the numbers are large, many of us could have interacted with some truly evil people, unawares. 

Though, it is not in that same style. It is not people that get a glaze over their eyes and start telling you about something as evil, and unambiguous, as their worship of a serial killer. 

One thing that springs to mind is the sudden aggressive physical opposition of ICE even when they are attempting to deport, sometimes, people that have violated children. But in a lot of cases serious criminals. It is difficult to strongly connect people with left wing beliefs from the genocidal chaos that is leftism as it gets more pure. A lot of left wing policies, if you try and communicate them to others, you won't be believed. Even their own supporters don't understand these things. 

But the pattern is kind of there all the same. The AWFUL's being arrested by ICE are the most normal people that you would hope to meet! 

Breaking Bad:

The world of criminality, is one that I do not have any experience of. I wonder sometimes how much I am being educated about real criminality when I watch these shows. How much is just completely incorrect and made up. Breaking Bad, when I watched it, really gave me a feel I was looking into some very educated information about how said criminal world works. 

A lot of inside information about how to make Meth. In one scene Jessie, who has experience in the criminal underworld, says to Walter: "Why are we here? This is like a non drug dealers idea of where a drug deal should be. We should have gone to the mall". Then when the drug dealer they are dealing with meets them he says "Why are we out here homie? Was the mall closed?"

Person of Interest;

A new gem I have found. I don't think it is as popular as the previous two. I am not that far through it. But so far it is a professional show. 

In Person of Interest, there is a group of corrupt cops. The reasoning behind one of the senior members makes a great deal of sense. He said that he liked one of the new up and coming criminals because he "keeps a low profile and he greases the right wheels". To him, for the police to control an entire territory is too much work. Too unpredictable. To have a criminal that is reasonably civilised doing it. This makes sense in strange, structured, cop logic. 

One of the things I also wondered about in this show was that this 'up and coming' criminal was a bit like a Wall Street Guy. Extremely intelligent. The kind of person that would get more money in stocks than controlling the streets. It is another thing I wonder. Do these people really exist in the criminal world? 

Going the other way

The other way this could work is looking at real criminal things and seeing if they correlate with the show. 

In one of these shows. there was a person going around killing single parents. When investigated, this turned out to be that they were not in fact single parents before they were killed. The children were falsified after they die so an individual could claim to have adopted the children and receive money for this. 

Well, let us look at a real situation like this. The daycare fraud in Minnesota. In the show, this was all a very refined event. Full of complex maneouvering and generally smart, high IQ, people. The Somalian fraud is not that. The Minnesota fraud is very unsophisticated. It was discovered by a 23 year old youtuber driving around different daycares having a look. 

I don't know if there is this incredible refinement to negativity. Evil is, in a lot of cases, incredibly lazy. It's excuses are often made on the fly and they are ridiculously easy to see through. I can't remember where I heard this, perhaps in some analysis of Lord of the Rings. But there is an incredibly reliable, "disgusting" aspect to evil. 

And, not evil but negativity in general. Crime, drugs, sexual degeneracy of various intensities. There is a LOT of it. If it ever does start to be handled. It does seem to be at the moment. Perhaps we will get a clearer image of what it is. 

The human design new year, gates 61, 60 and 41.

Reflecting on the human design chart:

It's very frustrating working with something so obscure and abstract as astrology in general and the human design. While I am sure it is true. I seem to be often guided to and have insights that it is the tool to use at any given time. The strange art of watching signs in the sky to be timed with subtle changes in reality, just subtle coincidences in life. Is all rather passive in a sense.

But nevertheless, I do believe it, it is to some extent my "faith". 

One of the patters that has seemed clear to me since looking at this system, and astrology in general. Is the obvious logic that if something is going to change. Then the moments before it actually does is a period where the LEAST change is happening. Change only happens when the forces pushing for it have overcome the resistance to such change. So it breaks a bit like a damn in a sense. 

The Human Design New Year is coming around January 22nd. I tend to feel things kind of stagnate a bit in this period. Our modern rituals put New Year a few weeks before obviously. Right around the time when the Sun is in gate 38. it then goes through 54 - 61 - 60, then the new hexagram is gate 41. 

There's a lot to explain here. Gate 61 is a kind of enlightenment of sorts. It is the beginning of the mystical or psychological process. This is equal to the Religious (64-47) and scientific (63-4). In January 2020, Saturn and Pluto conjunct at gate 61. This provided, in my reading, a huge burst of energy that 'enlightened' the world. The light provided was that circumstances revealed a lot of peoples inner nature to the world. We all of a sudden knew who would turn against us for political disagreements. 

The following hexagram is gate 60. Because as we can see in the world. After that light is revealed. Oftentimes, it is inconvenient. It has definitely been inconvenient in this example. People want to sweep it under the rug. To forget. But the limitation, gate 60, prevents that. Everything clams up and gets stuck. There is no new situations to celebrate. No new partners. No new jobs. The situation must be dealt with. All the hidden limitations come to the fore. 

Gate 60 has deep spiritual implications. It is a gate I have worked with closely in examining and understanding my "not self". What the real limitations are matters in this space. Because what our limitations are, are not always obvious. Sometimes, for example, we think what was actually a physical issue, was a mental issue, or just bad luck. There are literal layers that have to sometimes be uncovered to see our real limitations. 

It matters what the real limitations are, because it is not at all clear what the path forward, as shown by the gate 41 is, if said limitations cannot be seen.  

Gate 41, is big though. It feeds directly into gate 30. Which I believe shows, in the not self, the madness of certain left wing beliefs and it's link to narcissism. Relating to Chiron and Neptunes meeting in gate 30 in February 2010. 

Gate 41 correlates with evolutionary psychology. It's descriptions as 'Decrease', could also link to issues with the economy, although I have never observed that happen. 

Regardless, where I am going with this is that it is my hope that something politically significant will come with this transit. Venus is actually currently in gate 41.2. Once the sun goes there, Mars will also follow. They are not all out of the gate 41 (aside from Pluto that is long term transitting), until February 2nd when Mars leaves.  

Like I say, it is all too maddeningly abstract. But it would be interesting to think about.  

The Law of One and sending love and light.

I have been reading the Law of One. There was something in session 66 which I just cannot get a handle on. Something like, that if someone uses an illness to improve their life, it becomes more difficult to cure that illness. 

Very confusing. Something I have to turn over in my head. 

Anyway, this from session before the point that I found interesting:

Questioner: I will ask if I am correct in this analysis. We would consider that the entity making this so-called attack is offering its service with respect to its distortion in our polarized condition now so that we may more fully appreciate its polarity, and we are appreciative and thank this entity for its attempt to serve our One Creator in bringing to us knowledge in, shall I say, a more complete sense. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. There is no correctness or incorrectness to your statement. It is an expression of a positively polarized and balanced view of negatively polarized actions which has the effect of debilitating the strength of the negatively polarized actions.

This, in general, is a very odd perspective. That negative people in the world should be kind of appreciated. 

This was the interesting line for me though, when I last read it: 

Questioner: Then how could we solve this paradox?

Ra: I am Ra. Consider, if you will, that you have no ability not to serve the Creator since all is the Creator. In your individual growth patterns appear the basic third-density choice. Further, there are overlaid memories of the positive polarizations of your home density. Thus your particular orientation is strongly polarized towards service to others and has attained wisdom as well as compassion.

You do not have merely two opposite requests for service. You will find an infinite array of contradictory requests for information or lack of information from this source if you listen carefully to those whose voices you may hear. This is all one voice to which you resonate upon a certain frequency. This frequency determines your choice of service to the One Creator. As it happens this group’s vibratory patterns and those of Ra are compatible and enable us to speak through this instrument with your support. This is a function of free will.

A portion, seemingly, of the Creator rejoices at your choice to question us regarding the evolution of spirit. A seemingly separate portion would wish for multitudinous answers to a great range of queries of a specific nature. Another seemingly separate group of your peoples would wish this correspondence through this instrument to cease, feeling it to be of a negative nature. Upon the many other planes of existence there are those whose every fiber rejoices at your service and those such as the entity of whom you have been speaking which wish only to terminate the life upon the third-density plane of this instrument. All are the Creator. There is one vast panoply of biases and distortions, colors and hues, in an unending pattern. In the case of those with whom you, as entities and as a group, are not in resonance, you wish them love, light, peace, joy, and bid them well. No more than this can you do for your portion of the Creator is as it is and your experience and offering of experience, to be valuable, needs be more and more a perfect representation of who you truly are. Could you, then, serve a negative entity by offering the instrument’s life? It is unlikely that you would find this a true service. Thus you may see in many cases the loving balance being achieved, the love being offered, light being sent, and the service of the service-to-self oriented entity gratefully acknowledged while being rejected as not being useful in your journey at this time. Thus you serve One Creator without paradox.

The reason this is interesting to me. Is that "sending love and light" to people that I do not get on with is something I have mulled over for a long time. I had thought that it is strictly not the right thing to do because it is a violation of free will. But this session seems to indicate that it should be sent to this purely malevolent entity that DEFINITELY would not consent to it under free will. 

I have not found it to be effective to pray for others without permission. That DOES seem to be more of a free will issue. But sending love might not have been as bad as I had initially thought. I have decided many times NOT to send love, thinking it to not be positive. But this quote blows that out of the water. 

But perhaps it is in fact fine. Also, I used to be able to write music, I used to flow more often. Now I am coming up with lyrics less often. This is probably just age. But I do wonder, when I was younger, if I fell out with someone, often a hot girl, I would still feel love due to that testosterone/ idealism type of thing that young men have. So I wonder, if I send love, it would allow me to continue with a lot of songs. In order to articulate a lot of the complexity in a situation. Love perhaps still needs to be involved. 

Reflections on societal responsibility.

This is a video I want to make a comment on today. Not a particularly direct comment:

Youtube: Chiara: Musings on the G center in human design. Dated 12th of January:

https://youtu.be/OR2094DLhpY?si=x7JNjKceWcLjZM4i

These sorts of casual discussions on the human design I have always found to be very useful. Often when people get overly confined to structure they miss out the benefits of a story that has little insights within it.  

While watching this video I had an insight on responsibility/ accountability in general. It strikes me that having a human design chart in front of a person. Having the person they could ideally be, I suppose. Might change some of what we feel about them. 

The quote earlier that I wrestled with about "love being our involuntary response to virtue if we are virtuous". Might link to this. It is not a thought I have completed. But it is interesting. 

I used to know a girl with an undefined G. I have said this before, but I have to repeat it here for context. We were friends but I was not well enough for actual sex. So we played about a bit but nothing serious. We spent a lot of time together though, but she was borderline. With severe mental issues. Putting it lightly. And she jumped off a cliff.

I have wrestled with the very masculine, self help or philosophical idea of one hundred percent responsibility. I believe it makes sense. It is the opposite to a powerless perspective. 

But I have wrestled a little bit with it as it applies to me personally. Since I have a serious medical condition, and it is only recently that I have been kind of... well. I have had a lot of issues because of this. The medical condition really screwed me up. Issues with anger and such like that. 

So, it seems to me that it is hard to take responsibility for a previous situation, emotionally. This is the issue I think with the discussion on responsibility in general. For me.  The emotional element. When it is discussed and people are challenged it is often strongly emphasized. It is very what I would have once called a "neurotypical way of thinking". That every single thing needs to be processed emotionally to be "real". 

But the insight I had as to how I interacted with this girl. I have a defined G, and all the additional things that provide context to that for me. How, as the defined G, I could have explained of modelled certain things. It stung. But it also got past that emotional difficulty. Regardless of what the emotions are. I can see the best way things could have gone down in a way they didn't, and it doesn't have any emotional connection. 

It's like listening to someone complain about money, and the larger economy, when you know fully well their voting choices have created this issue. There are many issues I think, with how much blame should lay on people voting destructively. You could say that people are tricked. That the negative has fashioned the world in a way that someone going to put a tick in a box in a voting booth creates galactic level crimes and this is an unfair trick. Or you could say that no, those people voted the way they did. Often bullied and socially ostracised others based on said propaganda, and they need to take emotional responsibility. 

The middle route is, it doesn't matter, I cannot know and do not care about this emotional element. But we can describe and explain the mechanical element in the chart. Person held this political idea and it moved xy and z parts of the chart into the not self, as an example! 

 

Getting it wrong.

Even though my ideas on stopping prayer, still make complete sense to me logically. In experiential terms, it has not. 

I do apologise. Lately I seem to be feeling around in the dark a little in order to find spiritual insights and general ways of improving.

I have reverted those posts to drafts. So they are not visible any longer. Since it makes no sense to put out something I don't believe is true. There have been other posts previously which I was not quite sure were true or not. But I left them up. Since there were parts of the reasoning that were still legitimate. But this one there was nothing, I don't think, that was legitimate. 

So, I made a post with a few ideas about prayer. The reasoning still might be sound... In theory. But when it comes to real life it is not practical.  

I have also wondered along with this if separating myself from the Q'uo readings is not completely correct. For two reasons: A) The Law of One contact said that Carla was doing very well in her alignment with the Creator. B) She was a very talented channel. So she can channel, and those entities speaking through her are not just her. 

I went on the lawofone.info site links recently. Going through some blogs and such. The retardation is strong. One of the articles I saw was titled: "Charlie Kirks strategic targetting of minorities".

The attitude towards left wing individuals is something I have not quite solved. While I do take Stefan Molyneux's viewpoints on a lot of things. I do agree with the theory again strongly. There is not really a way to get out of 'taxation is the initiation of the use of force' and such. It's not as clear in my experience that all left wingers are inherently 'sinful', and the Law of One does not cast the situation on Earth to be a fight we are involved in. Which makes the left less dangerous. Being less like people that might destroy civilisation, and more like a population to be managed by higher angelic forces.

There is a mega powerful transit coming. Four planets in gate 61. Maybe I'll go into that. But I just wanted to mention it. 

 

 

Session 61.9. Subjectivity.

Firstly starting off with a reflection on this Q and A from the Law of One:

Questioner: This brings out the point of the purpose for the physical incarnation, I believe. And that is to reach a conviction through your own thought processes as to a solution to problems and understandings in a totally unbiased or totally free situation with no proof at all or anything that you would consider proof, proof being a very poor word in itself. Can you expand on my concept?

Ra: I am Ra. Your opinion is an eloquent one although somewhat confused in its connections between the freedom expressed by subjective knowing and the freedom expressed by subjective acceptance. There is a significant distinction between the two.

This is not a dimension of knowing, even subjectively, due to the lack of overview of cosmic and other inpourings which affect each and every situation which produces catalyst. The subjective acceptance of that which is at the moment and the finding of love within that moment is the greater freedom.

That known as the subjective knowing without proof is, in some degree, a poor friend for there will be anomalies no matter how much information is garnered due to the distortions which form third density. 

Subject knowing versus subjective acceptance! 

This session and answer has definitely joined a few neurons in my brain. Provided a kind of answer to a very internal query. 

There is a bit of a trap that a person can find themselves in I think. When looking for truth. Weighing up a belief in a larger spiritual reality, which cannot be completely justified objectively. For instance, in the Law of One. 

The trap is, I think, that if you have to throw out objectivity to some extent. The tendency is to fall back on a subjective truth. The reality becomes that the subjective has larger meaning. Perhaps based on a religious or spiritual experience of some sort. 

But then subjective knowing and subjective acceptance are not distinguished between and I will do my best to explain what I think each does mean:

Subjective acceptance: This is something that I cannot justify why it is a virtue. But is talked about in the Law of One. Subjective acceptance is that our subjective experiences are accepted. So if we do have a spiritual experience that is purely subjective. We do not pretend it didn't happen. That this extends to accepting what is going on in our lives and what that would mean in general. So it kind of becomes objective eventually. 

Subjective knowing: Subjective information. Like let's say a lot of this information, such as talked about by the Law of One. Becomes kind of formalised, in New Age beliefs as an example. If we were to take the belief that life is a set of lessons that are planned by higher forces. Then we can impute that belief onto the real world. It can become dogmatic. 

This means that we really can be sure of very little. To restrict our experience to subjective acceptance, rather than subjective knowing that would seem to come from that.  

Writing Smut.

Root issues. 

I have talked recently about root energy issues in general.

I think about sex a bit. But not just in the way that all guys, and probably all people do. Like experiences I would like to have or whatever/ girls I want. But, I am not well, do not have money and really lack energy even if I did get a relationship, or so much as a female friendship. I am left with the drive but nowhere for it to go. 

The law of One vaguely advises on this. They say that if a person has a fantasy that is 'not consonant with the Law of One'. So, there are all sorts of unhealthy and unethical things we fantasize about. The best way to handle it is to play it out in the imagination. 

To me, I wondered for a while, if I could take that 'imagined' scenarios and put them in written form. Create another of what female writers in general like so much. A smut story. But a male one obviously. There are plenty of these stories on the internet already. 

This comes up in relation to my chart. I have the gate 58.2: A genius for perverse stimulation that afflicts oneself and others by promoting degeneracy and reducing joy to indulgence and decadence. 

Perspective.

I have often either wrote or wanted to write these stories. But I have often also, felt they were debased and wrong. Especially when I include real people in them. Like, people I know in the real world. So I have often ended up deleting them. But they are kind of good. I am able to write these stories.

Partly to push against this tendency I have tried my hand at writing normal stories. But just stories that are about mine and others ideal future. The trouble with these stories though. Is that they are no good. They are ridiculously cheesie in a way. It is like I am just suited to write the smut stories and do not enjoy writing normal stories. As though I just have more inclination and motivation. I get completely there would be more motivation to explore something carnal than something of any particular higher meaning. The carnal stuff comes first. 

The reason I have previously stopped with these stories is because they are debased, and because I have worried that writing them effects my real life negatively. Like, if I were to talk to someone my conception of them might be effected by these smut stories going through my mind. This is also in relation to metaphysical things that might be effecting things. In the New Age and Law of One those thought based effects on reality are considered very real. 

BUT, I realise this is not necessarily correct. Since, there is no physical effect of this reality. I have got no effect of positively getting on with any of these people, or people similar to them. From not doing those stories. 

When I am writing those stories and I attribute my lack of social success to potentially those stories. That is completely wrong. I just need to push on and not let the idea effect me.

Human Design:

Today, Venus is in gate 58.5 which I also have, and often correlates with ideas about writing these kinds of stories. It is not clear from the white book if this clarifies anything. But it is about whether or not someone succumbs to temptations. 

This doesn't mean I definitely will create these stories. Just that thinking through the various factors that impact it.  

We all get down sometimes.

At the moment. I am "unconnected". I don't know if everyone knows what that means. But I think everyone knows what it is like to feel "out of sorts" in some manner or other. Everyone has a kind of flow state where things work better, and a less than flow state where things feel a bit more "out of tune". 

It is likely health issue linked. I can't get on with meditation when I have a health problem, and that is the literal base of my spirituality. I am also thinking something over in the Law of One, so not reading further. Reading a session is usually pretty fantastic in general.

I think this time is productive though. I think I am working through something about how life works and such. Things that I need to accept about myself. 

This shift might be coming since I have shifted my way of processing, as previously discussed, and perfectly in line with transiting Pluto leaving gate 60.6 and entering gate 41.1. The shift is... no more energy healing... Only prayer is ever used by me. 

My plan is... getting back to meditation. After, sleeping properly. I normally sleep very well, but only seem to stay asleep for a few hours at a time at the moment. I DID notice huge shifts in my mental perspective that are interesting, having been on low sleep and having just slept. But those are reflections for other times.

I am also seriously questioning my tendency towards prayer, the rote prayers I do often. It feels very unsafe to stop it and I do get benefits from it. But I've noticed it is a bit of an energy drain. I have this set of prayers which I use from a book before I go to bed that even seem to have a positive effect on others. BUT, there is something draining and not right about it, and something more refreshing about the dreams when I do not pray. I do not get this sensation with prayers I have created, they don't have a connected energy drain. But I think maybe the language and my sensation of a general liberal leaning (the prayer for the good of the world includes the word 'racism'), are starting to mean that these prayers are not good for me.   

Anyway, that's all. I decided to make this post because I am quite sure it is a post that others relate to. 

Reflections on root chakra issues.

I have not kept up with the Semen Retention. The illness I suffered a few days ago left me in a very low place and having more energy in that place, not sleeping. Was not practical.

There was also another concern though. The Law of One in their discussion of polarity summarised that the negative polarity, often suppresses it's energy so said energy can later be released at a moment that increases it's distortion to power. So as an example, suppressing anger and seeming positive and absolutely exploding in threatening anger when it is needed.   

As my "root chakra" energy started to gain. I found that the best way to not have 'carnal' thoughts in general. Was to just scroll past any posts/ social media, with female images. 

Unfortunately though, it seems to me this kind of anger. This attempting to literally erase any idea of lust from my mind. Also kind of stops the flow of their output in general. It is the effort to suppress the sex drive. it pushes it down so inevitably the lust floats back up.

Women often also connect their image to their general output of sweetness.  

I think this is why a lot of men have so much trouble with semen retention. 

There are other relevant things. I like this youtube creator. I am getting a little desperate with figuring out ways to increase health around other limitations. I want to lose weight for example, but my ability to change my diet and exercise, is carefully, and quite seriously, limited by various factors.

So I like to try and imagine myself doing exercise. It's one of the things that I am exploring. It is perhaps unrealistic. A little like a lot of my ideas. But it's still something I am thinking of:

Article. Dr David R Hamilton: The Science of Mental Reps: Build Strength with your brain:

https://drdavidhamilton.com/the-science-of-mental-reps-build-strength-with-your-brain/

So one of the things I like to do is to watch videos like this, that are surprisingly unsexual for me. Despite the fact it is a female form. I do though, prefer the beautiful female form to a guy doing this:

Youtube: TRAIN WITH GAINESBYBRAINES: 30 DAYS AB WORKOUT: 14 DAY AB CHALLENGE.

https://youtu.be/ZawiEE3xB-U?si=GHd49cTI4hVJa3Zi

The point is also partly to just keep thinking of it so I am more likely to exercise in general. 

So that's just some general thoughts I have on the subject. It is a difficult balance and perhaps impossible one. I will be seeking to allow myself to think freely, to let my attraction to women continue. But at the same time will be seeking to lessen the levels of lust that originally lead to not being able to do any semen retention. 

Our changing society. Gate 38.

I realise this post might be a bit too personal, boring and even vaguely schizophrenic. I hope it provides value in that I am thinking through the Law of One. But I did feel the need to add this proviso at the beginning. I am partway through as I write this but I hope to end on a good point about society and such. 

New Years and the gate 38. 

I can't stand New Years Eve. I have never liked it. I think the best one I ever had was drinking a whole bottle of Baileys and watching the first episode of a vampire show that I never followed up on. 

In the practical real world. This is because I don't really have friends. The previous friend I did have I hung out with occasionally. I recall them all leaving on New Years Eve and every party or event has turned out to be bad luck. I have ended up walking home as the time crossed 0:00. I used to think this was because the real Human Design New Year is on January 22nd. When the Sun crosses into gate 41. But now I've started to think it is because on New Years Eve. The Sun is in gate 38. And that is a damn difficult gate. 

The gate of the fighter. From the channel of struggle.  

Which fits my current experience. Having been quite ill the past few days I am recovering. 

From the Law of One session 61: 

Questioner: Is there anything in particular that the instrument could do to improve the physical condition?

Ra: I am Ra. This instrument has two factors affecting its bodily distortions. This is in common with all those which by seniority of vibration have reached the green-ray level of vibratory consciousness complexes.

The first is the given instreamings which vary from cycle to cycle in predictable manner. In this particular entity the cyclical complexes at this space/time nexus are not favorable for the physical energy levels.

The second ramification of condition is that which we might call the degree of mental efficiency in use of catalyst provided for the learning of programmed lessons in particular and the lessons of love in general.

This instrument, unlike some entities, has some further distortion due to the use of pre-incarnative conditions.

My emphasis. Obviously, since Law of One quotes aren't randomly bolded. This line was one of those moments for me where I have to put down the book and try and digest it. That, with some other things in dream interpretation. These are good moments. Having met something so profound you have to think it over before you absorb anything new. 

Applying the quotes. 

The profundity is more in line with reading the Law of One repeatedly, reading not just the words but absorbing the overlying pattern. What we are here doing is to absorb and use everything in our real life. To "process all of our catalyst". I have watched this be a part of other admirable peoples lives. 

To me the line would likely be 'catalyst provided for the learning of programmed lessons and in particular and the lessons of wisdom in general. Assuming I do have lessons since the fifth density incarnate wanderer on Earth is already harvestable to sixth density. However, I do think I have lessons. 

So what does this spate of illness. What catalyst has it been providing me? For me, I felt like I finally might have got something right. But then, I might have got one of the particulars wrong. 

When I realised a bit of time would be spent in recovery I realised it is an opportunity to fully REJECT energy healing as a potential solution to anything. Energy healing is a thing I have returned to periodically that is always somewhat toxic. I have even had dreams, multiple dreams in fact, summarising to me that this is not positive. One of those reasons may be a certain lack of emotional empathy. I cannot extend the healing to others once I have theoretically healed myself, because I have not had the experience of caring for other massively. I do look after family members and such but my emotional empathy "doth not overflow". In the same way that an introvert doesn't have masses of energy for socialising. 

I suspect partly, that the reason for this, is that I desire very strongly to oppose evil. If I was life planning and I was discussing said plans with higher entities and they said to me something like. "You can have a distortion towards healing but you would spend a decade and a half as a leftist as well". That would be a hard 'no' for me. 

But I still wanted healing. Without turning to energy healing it is a bit more about just waiting it out. So I turned to prayer. Waking up I had an insight and decided to send energy to a few people. So this was my almost learning the lesson but getting the fine print wrong. 

I got what I consider energetic responses. Like, someone very similar to the person I sent energy to turned up and I got insights into that person that energy. I also got an instinct to contact someone, and I was reminded of the massively unproductively complex connection we have. 

For me, as a fifth density entity... "Love", as in sending Love. Does not make a difference. It does not solve anything. It does not shift or provide solutions to anything. So the point is. No sending love to myself in the form of energy healing. No sending love to others. 

What does make a difference.

What I think does make a difference is gaining enough wisdom on my situation that I understand why it is the way it is, and thus that I am able to moreso accept it. 

At the moment my situation is largely unchangeable. I am of course growing in ways that matter. Like, my understanding of the Law of One, and I am improving in health. I am probably improving in health as a direct result of not being employed and not being employed in the current market. So even though being unemployed is frustrating. There is a positive element to it. 

HOWEVER, the world is a larger place and even though I don't socialise. Moving forward in my life would assume that socialising would be necessary. 

In reflecting on gender roles, as this is the crux of the issue I think. (Because even men are controlled by women). My understanding is that men are fundamentally designed to work and provide value. To provide resources. They provide this, and what follows on is their instinct to look after a wife and family. What men desire when they have money is to get a woman and put her in the kitchen. To summarise in a very basic way. 

Every single car, computer, every cement block on the pavement, is due to mens desire for status in this way. 

Women are in a different place. They are born with beauty and an excess level of emotional energy. They are about looking after babies, or people, knitting together communities, and generally through that mechanism supporting whatever the tribal values are. Women are vulnerable to, and repeaters of, whatever the dominant propaganda is of the day. 

This stuff is deeply, deeply placed in our genetics. In our very being. As far as I understand. So men go out looking for ways to provide value in the world. Gain resources. The world is more likely to shame men that are not able to do so. As they are not useful to the tribe. (They don't have the inherent value of the female reproductive system).

So mens value is themselves + the job they are able to do and resources they provide. In the normal situation, women have to gain those resources from men. So they are nice to men. They think about ways to get said resources. They are charming. 

There is more to this that I won't go into. 

At the moment what we have is men but no jobs. A lot of them. Since as we have seen recently. A lot of white millennial men are deliberately excluded from workplaces by woke retards. But what we have is a lot of subsidised female jobs. Of course, there are real female jobs as well. But, disproportionately, women are getting a lot more of the jobs and some of those jobs are completely subsidised. "Lazy girl jobs", as seen on TikTok and such, can see women getting six figures for doing barely anything.

So this creates a long term toxic effect. Women have a lot of value. Female reproductive system + Job. A huge amount of value. Men have no value. No female reproductive system and potentially no job. And the ones that do have jobs, their money is taken from them and given to women via the government and taxes. So it leads to this effect where women. Just don't care about men in general. And they are not willing to concede that they are right about anything. It is the left wing bundle of neurosis or the high way. 

The reason this is partly done is to stagnate society. Men are innovators because that kind of groundbreaking creativity. The Elon Musk/ Nicola Tesla's of the world. Is a male thing. Men, even from about six months show greater tendencies towards systemising than women. The look at how things run and push for them to run better. 

Women do not have that testosterone. They favour the status quo. And speech policing everyone as though they were looking after infants. Their movement in general, opposes meritocracy and competence.  

This leads to a difficult situation but it is in the process of rectifying. It has begun in the US but it will spread to other countries. Manufacturing is returning to the US. By many times. DEI has gone. So men will rise in power. It will go back to where men have the competence, and the resources, and women, and various other communist affiliated groups, will be strongly incentivised to go back on the value system that they have built over the last few decades. 

When a group in society goes from powerless to powerful, it will cause quite a lot of potential friction. 

Conclusion:

So that is the wisdom that keeps me together. It correlates with an emotional desire for 'revenge'. But it is not really revenge, just the knowledge, the wisdom, of how things actually are. One of the things that is relevant to discussing these concept is "What precise emotion or thing connects to a word". Since revenge can mean different things. But it is possible to align such a word with something that is higher and for the good. 

This world and this society has reached such levels of darkness and confusion that it could be that when things change, we will simply look back on a lot of these troublesome behaviours as a time shrouded in darkness that does not make any particular sense. Or perhaps moral lessons will be drawn from it.