Accountability and Grief.

I try to keep quiet about dreams because I am not sure about the free will relevance of saying "I had a dream about xyz" and potentially giving that thought more credence. But, the dream, what was communicated in it. Is bugging me enough that I want to put it here. Not what the dream was specifically but the "energy" of it. It is as though I breathed in the deeply emotional vibe of this woman before I saw the video. 

My thoughts though are relevant from these two sources. Not sure what I am going to say yet but this is my jumping off point:

Youtube: Karolina: I wasted an entire year after my breakup. Posted on 6th of January 2025:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FU0Ivh8Kn0

and this:

Life stuff:

There are two sides of this that I want to discuss. One is the everyday life stuff. The thoughts that come from my experience in life. The second is what has come partly from the dream. That is a lot deeper. 

Firstly, the post from "naturallymj" there, is very predictable from female psychology. I have seen this and heard this when women tell their stories from later in life. Womens general appreciation of the power they hold when they are in their twenties is not high. Often with the determination to cast themselves as victims - preventing them acknowledging the almost god like power to direct men they have at that age. They never enjoy the power they have in that part of their lives. Nor do they often notice it until it is gone. 

If you happen to know a girl in her twenties then you can make this case. But they will ignore it. Because they cannot imagine not having the sexual market access they currently have. But as they age, they will slowly reduce the access they have. Bit by bit, day by day. Like ice eroding an entire cliff edge. So one day the shoe will be on the other foot. The power they take for granted will suddenly not be there and they will fly into a rage when the men they want, they no longer have power over. It will be something they have not experienced before.

Then they are "victims". But they are not victims. Especially if you tried to tell them. It's all so damn predictable. When the 20 year old girl rejects any advice even approaching that as it punctures her vanity. You know that five, ten, fifteen years down the line she will become a problem for you, which you might have to deal with in a ruthless manner. Not only that, but she will not be an asset. Because a girl that settles down in her twenties when she can get her best option (who is very likely to be very financially secure and to adore her) is the one that will be happiest and a benefit to those around her. 

Vanity:

So I will discuss this from two perspectives. One is that this gods plan stuff is a cope. And the other is that "God" as such is very much a mystery. 

I have a very mystical/ theological/ new age perspective. When a friend of mine killed herself a few years ago that I was close with. One of the things that helped was going to Near Death Experience books. I also went to the channeling I often mention, and dreams helped. 

But, in dealing with the world. A lot of people are simply fairly anti all that spiritual stuff. In a lot of ways I find this annoying. Because to me, sayings like 'God helps those who help themselves' (not actually a bible verse). That kind of philosophy is relevant. I have talked to people with deep problems that refused to pray. For me, prayer is a solution to many many issues. I have told people previously that if they don't want to pray I have nothing further to tell them because prayer has worked for me so why would I look any further?

They generally have not liked this simple understanding. I have definitely gotten the vibe they wanted me to jump into action to "save" them further. Because they are unwilling to take this basic step in helping themselves. 

But OK, if we are not to do the spiritual stuff. Shall we move onto something else? Relevant at this specific point is that I cannot really prove it. I will respect that people don't want to engage in spirituality if they want, under the Law of Free Will. But I think and feel, get the vibe, that the real reason people want to avoid the spiritual side of things is that they don't want a solution. Because a solution involves some sort of accountability. This happens in other areas of passive aggressive conflict as well. It has taken me a while to articulate a defence against this. But after years, with the help of Stefan Molyneux's podcast. I have done so. 

This does have relevance to the subject matter. It is not completely a tangent. It links back. 

One of the true satisfactions I have had in life. After people reject spirituality. Is learning the language of a secular understanding of all these things. People have no defence against this because, they are explicitly anti spiritual. Usually left wing and generally anti Christian. So they have submitted themselves, pushed a little and promoted Darwiniism as a world view. So it's hard for them to justify anything against that. 

Under a secular world view then. The reason we are here is to have children. Under Darwiniism. That is the point of life. Not doing so is selfishness because our millions of ancestors all made that sacrifice for us. But also, the conscience is there for a purpose. That part of us that gets upset, and bitter, and all of it. The purpose of the conscience, well let's quote the man himself:

So the conscience is to align us with the rules of life that we know benefit the species. It is the most workable thing to have a loyal monogamous relationship for child rearing. It is the most workable thing for civilisation and tribal life if no one initiates the use of force for personal gain (this is separate from defensive violence).

This is where I would go with this:

Just do nothing:

The problem I have with the response on the 'naturallymj' tweet, and many, many of them are like that. Is that it sidesteps any accountability. The fact that this is the only one she answered shows something. If women as a whole, in our global tribe, are being overly vain in their youth and misusing the only true power women have. Then, acknowledging that and in some small way trying to help other young girls avoid that might be something worth doing. Or contributing to political ideologies, such as traditionalism, that already have solutions for that. 

It is known in the 'red pill' that if men go through a horrible thing. They will try and advise the next generation on how to avoid it. If women make horrible decisions. They tend to justify those decisions and in so doing, they tend to encourage the next generation of women to do exactly the same things. 

In our society this is also the path of least resistance. Just go with the crowd. "Have fun" in your 20's. Don't be a 'brood mare'. Etc. etc. 

But in actual fact all these women are doing is spreading poison. Either push the message that girls should push against their galactic sized vanity. Or, you are not aligned with universal morals. And your conscience will continue to torment you.

The 'Gods plan' avoiding accountability tweet. That will make her feel good very briefly. It is designed to make her avoid accountability. But eventually her conscience will smite her again. 

And deeper:

Nevertheless. I should say, that in my personal life. I cannot really apply "accountability" and it is something I am trying to handle. Emotionally. Regardless of where the grief springs from, it is still the same emotion. 

I was ill when I was young and my life has basically been obliterated as far as I can tell. At least to the outward world. Barring some sort of 'QAnon' golden age type thing, as I talk about sometimes. 

I do not have any qualifications to give me status. Or relationship experience that would give me the knowledge I need to conduct myself well and, what would probably be needed is to have kids in the next few years, and I am still ill so probably wouldn't have the energy for that. As far as I can tell it is somewhat over for me in terms of mainstream, material success. Again, barring large societal change that might indeed come. 

Accepting this is difficult. I recognise that I have engaged in a lot of self delusion things might still work out. I might still gain something, some life satisfaction or expression of important spiritual truths or music as an example. But, against the general competition of the world, status in any practical form is unlikely.

For me personally then. The grief needs to in some way be processed despite accountability expressly NOT being able to be accepted. There was nothing I could have done. The acceptance is partly that there was nothing I could do. I was at the mercy of circumstance.

I obviously can't say that these women took the wrong choices. For instance, when I was young I wanted to be a famous musician. Things I have learned about the music industry since have convinced me I would probably have been killed if I had gained success there. Like Phil Ochs. When we look at the world we project out what would have happened but we can never be even remotely accurate in that. Some marriages that seemed to be going well for the first few years have ended horribly.

Ultimately, even though a lot of people have persuasive answers. The fact that life is a giant mystery remains very central to understanding and living it. I am NOT in fact an atheist, so I don't consider a secular world view to be dominant. But I still can't stand arrogance.

Philosophy, status, valuing people.

This is the video I want to use as a jumping off point today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ma6CmZRQYOI

This is the worst advice on self help. Jonathan Bi. Posted today 3rd of January. 

Status issues. 

Something I have pondered a little. Like I have mentioned disability has lead to some contemplations on this area. 

This video talks about how we process status. Like, if we all always want status on some level. Or at least with some specific people. The philosopher here asks the question about this area and if it is appropriate or not, to not care what people think. He does this with a dose of instrospection assigning the question to himself and his own experiences. 

So to answer this I will also have to introspect a bit because my psychological and philosophical knowledge here is slightly lacking. I don't have much to draw off. 

One of the things he puts forward is that if you are putting something out and hoping to be respected. Who do you hope to be respected BY? Do you hope to be respected by your audience or your peers and people you look up to?

So I'm going to apply that to myself to attempt to answer this. 

My life.

In my world, toiling in relative obscurity without really any clear goal. If I were to gain status. There is only one way in which that would be a desireable thing that I can think of. But herein already lies a question and one that is relevant to anyone that acknowledges some higher power in their lives. Is what I desire relevant? Or will I be 'guided' along a route to an outcome that is better?

Possibly read too much female inspired new age teachings when I was younger. It often feels women are more "liquid" in their life paths. They respond more to the outside world. 

Putting that aside for a while. The idea that what I want may simply not be relevant. Despite all the material I put out daily. The only thing that I can actually imagine myself doing that would gain me status. Is music. The only thing that is relevant to this conversation because it might propel me to a position where I would associate with people that are fairly high status in my world. People like Stefan Molyneux, Chris Williamson. 

Then all of this human design stuff and such would become a part of my personality that was related to what I talk about when people asked me. But, was not actually what I was known for or my actual profession. It is very workable. Having something to talk about. Making a musician personally accessible in that way. 

So how would I relate to everyone in this situation? The main people that it would matter to would be the people that listened to the music and brought it. How would I then relate to the Chris Williamsons and Stefan Molyneux's of the world? Would it matter what they thought of me? Also, there is another class that is perhaps more relevant to this discussion. Which would be other musicians.

Well firstly, the only reason I would be relating to them is because I had the status from an audience for the music. 

Valuing people.

Stefan Molyneux. I started talking about him but realised him being ostracised so lower in social status, he might not be such a good example. In real terms his social status is higher than almost anyone. In a way that matters to me. I do feel a sense of rage that globalists who I see as bugs compared to Stefan are allowed to censor him. I shouldn't be mean to bugs they have a lot of utility. 

But anyway, back to social status. Maybe I'll go back to Stefan. How would I relate to someone like Chris Williamson? If I do things, create new music, is it important that he and people like that would see that as positive?

I suppose it would be fairly important. Having status means that I would have to have opponents. Other musicians perhaps. 

To me, it seems the truth about status and wanting people to like you is that we want most people to like us. Because it benefits us on a primal level. If people like us they will make things easier for us and give us resources. 

Status also means, that we would be able to, in some way, perhaps not even deliberate. Punish those that have crossed us. It doesn't matter which way you cut it. Status seems like a positive. 

There is a fair amount of relevant information, such as the relating to the archetype of the Moon and what value can be gained in darkness (lack of status). But still, status, that comes from value and people liking you, is a tool. It is like fire for cooking a meal. It is the equivalent of money. It has a lot of uses and there is not a lot of benefit to not wanting to have a tool for it's potential benefits.

Thoughts on Jupiter and ones "path".

Wow, I have a lot to say today. I will be getting to human design after a personal story so feel free to scan. I will also talk about the Law of One, as applied to my personal story, so probably mid way through. 

Personally, I am doing an 'anti new year' thing. Today is the day I am pissed off with my current goals and coming off them. I have started dieting and such since the 22nd of November. Putting together a lot of theories about the best way to lose weight and putting those things into practice.

So, one of the things I would do is if I would have some sugar. I would walk that same amount of sugar off. It would normally take about 3 hours. Then on top of that I would do the gym (almost exclusively weights). This worked a fair few times. I would go down by a kilogram in a day due to this. Like, immediately after the gym. 

I would also mainly eat salad and soup. I would make a root veg meal in the slow cooker and make a salad. So outside of that, I wouldn't eat a great deal. I did make an exception for Christmas. But not massively so. There were a few hickups where medically I couldn't restrict my eating. 

A lower resistance line. 

In stock trading. There is something called a resistance line. It is a point in the graph where the stock does not go above or below. As an example, I have a company called 'Weirdos are us'. It trades at £10 a share. It goes up and down all the time but whenever it goes down to £8 it immediately bounces up. On a long timeline of say, ten years, this resistance line might hold and the stock never goes below that. 

Then something happens and the stock DOES go below £8. Then, for the next thirty years or so. The stock has a higher limit of £8. Like, it will never go above that. This is based on a real stock analysis I have seen and those are accurate timelines. The stock waited decades and remembered it's resistance line when doing on a surge. 

My resistance line was 84.4 - 84.8. Every time it gets in that range it bounces up. But since I knew this. I was fully prepared. I did all the things yesterday and I felt pretty bad. Walking off all your sugar and eating mostly root vegetable soup causes ketosis. A kind of acidic sense in the blood. Which comes with a nausea depending on how severe it is. Only very very light at this level. But worth mentioning. 

So I would feel pretty bad. As I have a few times on this diet. I have laid in bed knowing I am in ketosis and putting off when I eat normal food and start processing sugar instead. Which I do think is more healthy and feels better. 

I felt bad yesterday for a few reasons. What did I get for my trouble? I GAINED weight. The resistance line is undefeated and I did everything perfectly yesterday.  

So, against the pressure of feeling truly crap. Being sick of soup and salad. I am eating cake. 

I plan to try different things and see what their effect is. For example. I have been prioritising weights at the gym. I hope to do a thirty minute aerobic session and see it's effect on my weight. For the moment though. There are no other diets or plans until I get a better idea of how to do this. 

Philosophy on such things:

My life has crumbled slightly since the weight loss attempts. I prioritise the over all things. If getting a job was a legitimate option as I see it, I would prioritise that. Having money for very healthy and luxurious food, plus a routine. Would help. A large fruit salad is a so far effective weight loss technique I can't afford. 

So, I'm behind on shaving and need to do some tidying. I have not prioritised music that is something that never feels good. I have not prioritised meditation. In fact, despite the re realisation of the power of meditation. I have not been doing it at all. Because mostly I feel dreadful.

I... question the health, in general, of a process that means you have to completely prioritise it like that. i have no real reason to think that. But for me... 'The path', has always seemed to have come with a higher self sense that all the different parts come together under a single unified purpose. 

I will talk about this a bit more when I get to the human design side of things. 

It reminds me of this excerpt from the Law of One:

Session 18.5:

Ra: I am Ra. The proper role of the entity is in this density to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away.

... Nothing shall be overcome, that which is not needed falls away.

It talks more about how unhealthy 'overcoming' is. The method of going full throttle is definitely an act of trying to overcome. 

New Years insights and the power of Jupiter. 

I said recently, about five posts ago, that Stefan Molyneux had identified an interesting emotion when doing a podcast. That he felt that the way his path had worked out kind of satisfied a need, a desire for a kind of revenge. The standards the world has placed on him when then turned on the amoral. When I heard about this I thought 'That is definitely hexagram 39' out of all of Stefan's other hexagrams. 

Here is his chart:

Now here is the chart for someone else. Pearl Davis:
 

On New Years Eve. Pearl Davis did a show called something like "The 2024 awards". It was the award for the best catfish and was undoubtably partly motivated by womens constant trolling of her based on this. 

She said a few times the different things women say against her, like that this is engagement farming, but that she wanted to do this because it is really funny. (Gate 58... Joy!)

Her platform is a large part showed by gate 18 in her North Node. Her destiny. I have been thinking a bit recently as to how completely two hexagrams become a channel. 

My point is, is that with Stefan Molyneux, his conscious Jupiter is in gate 56. That is to do with expressing of abstract information. So Stefans destiny as a philosopher is expressed here.

The same with Pearl. Pearl has the gate 38. So that is another positive side of her 'path' or 'message' in a sense. She is very much against women "complaining" and being a "victim". As shown by the gate 38.

The down and outs.

Then I went back through people I have known that are... "losers". Or messed up in other ways. Sometimes just really young and not making good choices. 

What I found interesting was the impactful, the punch of the "revenge" type of thought was very much there in those same people. But the POSITIVE side of Jupiter, was not expressed by these same people. 

So, it is likely that in people that are 'unpolarised' or 'not self'. The unconscious Jupiter being the body works find but it is not aligned by the positive.

This starts to take me in the direction that I used to have when I was younger. That people are either on or not on their spiritual path. 

Anyway, this is the end of this post my energy has given out.