Caffeine, Alcohol and dream interpretation.

Back to dreams. 

My dreams have been giving me insight into session 32.1. As I mentioned last time. I stopped alcohol. Felt better. But then went back to it for the same reason that I had gone on it before. But dreams have commented on that both times. My now position is that alcohol is not OK. Mostly because it leads to a lack of 'polarity' for me. As in, it distorts/ collapses that kind of momentum. That I normally get that is connected to me praying and seeking meditation and guidance and such. 

Sitting with the Law of One book 2 close to me at all times for the energetic and moral support to stay off it. 

Chocolate at this point. A) Is VERY necessary and pretty perfect for constipation. Today, was stuck. A bunch of chocolate, nothing else, a nap, and my stomach was sorted out. B) Chocolate/ Caffeine does not seem to have the strength to effect my current state of semi grief. At the moment, I am going with that caffeine is OK and is not a strong enough chemical to relate to session 32.1. 

I don't like to take it too many days consecutively if it disturbs my sleep. But I am unusually sensitive. For most people I think caffeine is fine.  

Another note on dreams though. One of the really beneficial things for me. One of the desireable things for me. Is some clarity on some of the more petty annoyances I have with people. I have mentioned this before in small ways. I know from people like Stefan Molyneux how one deals with the BIG things. But the small things, is something I think about. The small annoyance, grievances, the snubs and lack of respect. 

I had one of these with someone recently. A snub. Perhaps a fair one. But nonetheless I was spoken to in a way that I would not be if I had more status I am quite sure. When going over a dream I was surprised that it referenced this. It also, gave me a good indication of the psychology of the other person and specifically mentioned, I think to dismiss, the idea of their motivation I had assumed. 

The motivation I think is more correct from that dream correlates with a song I had created. 

This is one of those pretty priceless things so I just thought I would make this blog another back up of the benefit of dream interpretation! 

Continued failure to follow session 32.1. Reflections.

Firstly, there is no discernible change from the Online Safety Act coming in today! Wooo. That might be because they already have connected my identity to my social media accounts, but who knows?

Secondly, I have reached a conclusion about how to handle aspects of my attempt to follow the Law of One. I have talked about it before. Session 32.1. Instructs Carla to not have LSD, and by extension, a reading of that answer, could, likely is. To stay away from most substances and medication that could effect someones psyche. 

This means definitely alcohol. Likely caffeine.

But I have been wrestling with what this guidance means for me personally. There are a few different things to consider. The Law of One group were in a very different situation than I am in. Both in good and bad ways. But one of the good ways talked about a lot in the Law of One was that they all had mutual emotional support with each other. 

Another thing that may or may not be true. That I have been playing with. Is that perhaps Carla was destined to just do something amazing. Whereas I have not been destined to do something amazing, so am not held to the same standard. Maybe writing blogs, doing youtube videos and playing music. All to a fairly low audience. Perhaps this is it for me?

Anyway, so last night late in the night. Me and my mother took the dog to the emergency vet and they had to put him down. He had a very serious problem, he probably would have been dead in a few days had we not taken him. Any surgery and interference would probably have distressed him and not prolonged his life. 

This was a great shock. I handle things such as overwhelm, which is a repeated catalyst. By kind of shutting down. I want to be in a darkened room and such. In the moment this often makes me do well in a crisis because initially, I just don't take it in. I am still in that phase now. I still haven't really addressed the emotion but I can feel it there. 

I think this is a kind of male strategy. But I still think it is unique to me. I do think a lot of men would be more outwardly emotive at a lot of catalysts such as this. 

My mother however, is not like that. My point being is that in order to handle my current catalyst, I went and got chocolate and beer. Chocolate partly to handle the constipation, which I can handle when I am closely watching my diet. But in this situation I can't do that. 

So my mother stayed up for 35 hours straight. Not able to focus and be productive with that. Just in a fight or flight state of shock. I had already had one beer. The beer and chocolate was to come out of unproductive shock. But it was very important for me to have a second one, so I could sit down with her and cajole her into drinking wine, because nothing else would disrupt the sleepless anxiety situation she had gotten into. 

My point being, is that how I am constructing my current wisdom is that, chocolate and alcohol. For this and other reasons. Seems to be basically positive. I can't know for sure of course. There might have been another way to handle things. But these seem like concrete positive ways of handling these things in service to others. 

I have to admit it does feel quite bad. It doesn't feel like something I can TRULY justify. It feels like I am allowing myself to fall into a state of mediocrity and perhaps I am. But it logically seems to be the best decision.

Exhaustion and the Law of Free Will.

On my last post. I am really interested to see what happens on Monday. 

What will probably happen is nothing. The UK government will have put their stamp on social media companies in some manner. But it won't be obvious to the user. It will become obvious also that I have been getting paranoid about this.

But also, I suppose it could be that various social medias suddenly do want ID. 

Not what I wanted to mention. I have low momentum on this blogging since I am wondering about the Online Safety Act. But I also have something to say. 

Politics.

I am fairly right wing. I used to be heavy conspiracy theorist but now, I have come away from that. What I have not come away from though is politics as a whole and that's because my interpretation of politics has slowly shifted from being something "out there", to something that is more central to a persons everyday life and values.

Whether someone is left or right to me, says something about how they view the world in their everyday, most mundane relationships. 

The left tends to believe in feminism. Which is relevant to everyday relationships in a very big way. Tends to believe the mainstream narrative on many things including medical. Tends to believe in immigration, which was once an obscure political point that was, again, "out there", but since then I have worked and interacted with immigrants. 

At the core of this is the belief in redistributive taxation and the initiation of force in relation to taxation. If I have a reason to ask someone what their value system is. If they are left wing I can say with some confidence that they are not averse to the initiation of force as an example. 

Argument.

I have invested so much into these ideas now that they are instinctual. I can ask a question along these lines or talk about my experience without fear. I am not aware I am stepping on toes often. 

The trouble is, and this was even before I got to such an instinctual place. Even when I was aware that something was frowned upon socially and felt a little reluctance to talk about it. And talked about it very carefully. I have found that the left are unable to offer any argument against my points. Like, nothing. 

I remember someone pro EU talking to me about Brexit. I mentioned the fisheries policy, and asked him if he knew what it was. He said no. I explained the waters around Britain are divided into 14 separate pieces and belong to different EU nations. 

He didn't know. He wasn't curious about this. I don't know if this little discussion brought me backroom gossip that worked to sabotage me. But, conversations just like it evidently have. 

But even more than the overt examples, where people have taken these things up against me directly. Never with any particular coherence. There is another pattern which is that people can't argue, make not one single point against my points, which might simply by my experience. But still go completely passive aggressive. Like a complete wall. 

And it is SO WARING. 

Free Will.

I have realised recently with some online examples that I have offended "free will" by trying to push my perspective. I am working with quite fine laws. I would not claim to be a super profound person able to work with archetypes like some sort of white Magician. But I will claim that passages in the later parts of the Law of One that talk about powerful concepts such as that, do have relevance in my life. 

I feel I am working with quite fine energies and offending subtle rules like this can throw me off. I have before talked to groups of people online. Come up against this wall. This wall of cognitive leftism. I need a name for it. Even if just for myself.  

I have just realised that what was probably happening, is that when pushing this. I was offending free will. These people are leftist and are not interested in what I have to say. So even if it is not TECHNICALLY against free will. It is against a positively polarised interpretation of free will. Since the positively polarised definition of free will does take into account what people want. It is not just the technical requirements.

People don't call it out when you say these things. Because they are leftists. They are passive aggressive. And they probably don't have a legitimate justification for it that can be written down. But if I say something that is non left. When a lot of people see it they are probably emotionally responding to it. 

I do acknowledge that wall feeling. That another comment or thread I start might not get comments. The passive aggression. But there is no reason to not continue posting often. I don't really care what they think.

Nevertheless, there are consequences for breaking that spiritual rule. 

Human Design.

Back to my human design: 

 

At this point in my life. I am starting to see a bit of a point to some of it. Or at least draw some conclusions. Whether they are right in the grand scheme of things I cannot know. 

I feel that during a lot of my life when I was really ill. A lot of the 'design'. The red stuff. Was not properly active in a way, and I was relying on the Black stuff. The personality. A lot more. While I think this is a common pattern, I also think it is rare that the design is as switched off as it has been with me. 

That means that a lot of my experience has come through the 11-56. The only full channel of the personality. It has been doing a lot of the heavy lifting and it is related to my spiritual beliefs and such. My spiritual learning. Such as the Law of Free Will.

Which I think is shown by the gate 56 specifically. I think this lesson is something in my chart and that I was meant to learn. Or meant to experience might be another way of putting it. 

It is a real sense of weakness, the illness I had. But now I feel I am moving into strength more. I went to the gym an hour or so ago. I did a new muscle group workout. 

Strength. 

Stefan Molyneux says that if you do not lift weights. You do not know what your true opinions are. That your true opinions only show up when you are in a strong position because according to evolutionary psychology. If you are not strong, you kind of unconsciously yield to the group consensus.

I recall consciously thinking in a previous job. That I could not oppose the entire group of office workers. There were about 20 of them. They all hated me, or were not willing or capable of standing up to the in group as such that it didn't matter practically even if they did like me. 

But I feel I am starting to oppose that mindset now. My illness has meant that I have yielded a little to the group in a sense by even indulging the idea of those spiritual forums I mentioned. But as I do exercise. As I get stronger. I simply have no need to. 

My entire human design is very keyed to withdrawal, even my conscious Sun. This might be one of those times where that is a good lesson. 

There are many points that this might correlate to. Many other things I could jump off to. But I think that is enough for now. I have actually been thinking over a more profound article than this. But this is the one that was important to write right now I think.  

The online safety act.

I think it was my last post where I said that I did not completely know the reason in my life for the jobseeking kinds of pressures. I have not come to any conclusions here. Although, doing my very best to jobsearch might be positive in relation to this specific catalyst. 

The Online Safety Act comes into force next week. This means that there is a high likelihood that the government will be able to quickly arrest or intimidate people for even mildly politically incorrect statements. 

This means that I will likely be barred from youtube, this blog, twitter and reddit unless I submit identity. I don't know altogether what I will do about that. I might of course eventually just give it over. But there is also a distinct possibility I simply will not use those platforms any longer. 

I came on here wanting to offer a long, potentially philosophical take about the lesson learned from the higher forces. Potential guidance setting this up. The huge energy expenditure despite zero attention (I very rarely receive likes on twitter comments and have been on there since 2016).

But, I dunno. I am tired. I am really tired. It does feel like there is a natural removal at one point. A natural withdrawal from all the many people that A) Don't care I exist or B) Are so unbelievably left wing no communication can happen. 

At some point communicating with a left wing person at all just becomes like feeding an alligator. 

Considering today, not spending time on social media, all the things I could get done around the house. I am wondering if this will be a positive change for me? We will see how it goes.  

The rat race.

I am not quite sure about this post. There are things that I have observed and noticed, but I can't be one hundred percent sure on conclusions yet. 

As I have said in my previous blogs. My spiritual life and meditation had received a few good insights and things have suddenly gotten a lot more powerful. I had suddenly raised up a level.

I was just about to articulate some of this stuff and put it into a youtube, start practicing some new ideas I had that borrowed from philosophy. But then, I appeared to get the response to my energy raise.

Firstly a reflection. I have been thinking recently at how unbelievably screwed I was when I was in my late teens and early twenties. It was not adviseable for me, I have decided/ discerned. To have a girlfriend. My medical condition simply made that too difficult and in 2014 I had a schizophrenic break and a suicide attempt. The emotional intensity that a woman, sex, and a lot of associated things could cause would, I think, have been very bad. I was also not motivated towards those things. 

However, it is a strange thing to reflect on at how completely I believed, and was encouraged to believe, that this was the right thing to do. I believed one hundred percent that one of the most important challenges to my life was cold approaching a girl in a club, or chatting with a girl at where I worked part time in a supermarket, and getting a girlfriend. I did not have a lot of parental guidance as to what was good or not. My medical condition was largely hidden even from myself. Television and my peer group. All of it conspired to make the believe that to be true.

But it wasn't true. It was a lie. 

This is quite a thing to consider. The fact as I perceive it most of the time is that not a lot of the world really is on my side. I can't justify why I would engage in anything.

Jobseeking is an example. I wanted a job, and I have been unemployed for a while. Due to my medical condition. I am doing entry level minimum wage type of work that is A) female heavy and usually prioriised to females. Such as have you ever seen a male doctors receptionist? I haven't either but I still apply for those roles. B) Really designed for younger more "hip" people that employers really like employing. Usually because they are naive enough to work free overtime and they have a lot of additional energy for socialising and making the workplace a "family". 

My jobseeking has started for a long time to feel a bit pointless. I like getting interviews so I can tell the jobcentre I am doing something.But, I know, that if there are fifty candidates to one position. Which is a conservative estimate. I am not getting the job against the many other candidates. Young and/ or female as in the last paragraph. Under this left wing government DEI is also an issue. I have gotten a distinct increase in diversity questionnaires since they came into power. But in fairness I do see white males employed. 

My last job. It was good for money. There is no reason I would not want a job and that it would not be good to have one. To get supplements and to plan the next move in my life to improve. 

But the job market is terrible and it feels like a kind of zombie economy where everything is kind of walked through without there being the opportunity to succeed. If you go to a work fair. The jobs are not there. I won't go through why. The little workshop type things with desks of different people to help with jobseeking tend to be performative. Even volunteering is very difficult. 

At a certain point. Jobcentre like organisations might want you to hassle employers for feedback. But this is a step too far for me. The feedback is that there were 49+ other candidates. An individual company has the right to not employ me I'm not going to intimidate them. 

So considering this all in the sense of my spiritual path and such. It seems to me that living as I do within my means. Doing positive things for the person I live with. Focusing on music, the Law of One, meditation, human design etc. Getting insights into philosophy and making youtube videos. Is the most productive thing I can do?

The problem with the jobcentre and the jobmarket is that the government has destroyed the jobmarket through various means. Some that are not really their fault, like AI. Some that definitely are like inflation, immigration and lockdown. So in this relationship. The government can never be wrong. If you are on welfare because they have screwed the jobmarket. In practice, the implication is that it is your fault since you're the one that gets the consequence.  

The issue I mentioned at the beginning is that the jobcentre has suddenly ratcheted up the pressure. I was able to put in a process that highlighted when I had tried to look for a job and the reasons I was not able to find one in a set of job listings. All good examples. Things like I don't have a drivers licence or management experience. 

So, as I get a boost of energy from improved meditations and other things. That energy is suddenly clamped down on from the jobcentre and I am not too stressed to follow up like I had planned to. I am basically resting from the incredible anxiety. Trying to stop myself going in paranoid loops. it is highly likely, now that the process has changed to be results focused. I.e. what job did you apply for. Not how many did you look at. It is highly likely I will have to be less honest in general. Not that I will fake jobs. I am too paranoid for that. But I will be applying for more that I know I won't get. Just to have something to write down. 

My real question. I'm sure we all have similar questions. Is, in relation to myself and my polarity. Could it be that this pressure from the jobcentre could possibly lead in a service to others direction? Could it be that it might motivate me to successfully get a job? or say, push harder on the volunteering, and that would be good. Whatever that looks like. Money? Friends? Clarity on my career and such? Or is it just flatly negative. The jobs aren't there and the government, like an overgrown child, can't accept fault. So I am just made to do a lot of more stressful and time consuming admin and the real service to others thing is music, philosophy and the Law of One? (Which perhaps can be leveraged into a better life at some point in the future)

Or perhaps it is an opportunity to handle stress well? This can't be the only stressful situation I will meet in life.  

I suppose that's a question I can't really know the answer to. But it is frustrating. Trying to put the world together when, the real world. The world of women and work. Just doesn't seem to be on my side, and there is nothing I seem to be able to gain from it most of the time.  

Control of the economy.

One of the strange things about my life is that when I change my spiritual practice in some sense. My psychology changes quite a bit. That this happens fairly consistently means it is just an eccentricity I have to adapt to. The health conditions and all the minor things I need to handle also influence this. 

Yesterday, and the day before, because the Ankh I wear around my neck broke, so I put on another one. The one I have just put on has a shorter chain. It feels as though I have a deeper sense of that positive energy now, and it has changed quite a bit of my perspective. 

It meant I stopped praying for two days because the energy was so intense. Thinking I might not need to do so again. I did two youtube videos in that time. Working up to explaining what I felt to be a revelation from the increased intensity of the Ankh. Only to wake up this morning. Feel the need to pray again. Then all of a sudden not needing to follow up on the thread I had started with the previous two youtube videos. 

But I suppose this experience does give me a new idea. A video saying "In praise of generators". Since the generators I have met, by and large, have none of this unpredictability. They are solid and unchangeable as the day is long, and if you ask their opinion on something. It will be the exact same perspective as the previous hundred times it has been discussed. Mostly. That is very comforting.  

So without an actual plan for this blog. I think I want to say something that... in my view, should be very obvious about politics and the Q perspective at the moment. 

A lot of truthers at the moment are concerned with either defending, or condemning, the Trump administration, in relation to some statements made about the Epstein clients. 

To me this is a non issue for a very simple reason. Like I have said before. I don't think that the arrest of evildoers is the most important thing to happen. I think that we are tribal creatures, and we apply a lot of significance to this kind of thing because it is status based. It is easy to understand. It relates pretty close to 'the real world', in that it is not say 'taxes got increased by 0.5%. But 'this person with a clear face and name and physical presence, who is connected to emotionally by the opposing tribe (Democrats or normies). Is going to a place that shows that their status has suddenly been reduced to zero'.

HOWEVER. A raise or lower of 0.5% of taxes is probably more impactful. If we were to punish the evildoers in the establishment they would just be replaced with more if the system is not fixed. 

Where I think the real "action" is is in tariffs. It comes down to this Law of One quote partly:

Questioner: Would you expand upon the concept of the acquisition of polarity by this particular entity, and its use, specifically, of this polarity other than with the simple, obvious need for sixth-density harvest if this is possible, please?

Ra: I am Ra. We would. The nature of the densities above your own is that a purpose may be said to be shared by both positive and negative polarities. This purpose is the acquisition of the ability to welcome more and more the less and less distorted love/light and light/love of the One Infinite Creator. Upon the negative path the wisdom density is one in which power over others has been refined until it is approaching absolute power. Any force such as the force your group and those of Ra offer which cannot be controlled by the power of such a negative fifth-density mind/body/spirit complex then depolarizes the entity which has not controlled other-selves.

It is not within your conscious selves to stand against such refined power but rather it has been through the harmony, the mutual love, and the honest calling for aid from the forces of light which have given you the shield and buckler.

What is relevant here I think is that for the negative. Literally anything that is in their orbit that they do not control "depolarises" them. 

This is the reason for the chosen term of the negative on our planet being "globalism" in my view. If you have a crappy, corrupt, high tax, high DEI and high unproductive immigration. You need all the other countries in your orbit to also be those things. 

The second another country becomes 'not that thing'. The second you are getting a low tax meritocracy. You are getting more innovation. You are getting more family values. These companies are in competition from the 'still globalist' countries. They will win. 

Globalism needs to control everything so there is no alternative. Also, so different parts of the system can support other parts (i.e. with USAID funding so much propaganda in Europe). 

I think the tariffs are really going to change it all around in a fundamental way. What do we need before mass arrests happen? Well, we need more of the type of people that are discriminated against in hiring to be hired. White, Conservative men with some awareness of "Q" types of realities are the types of people that will be able to carry on functioning in a workplace if an Epstein client list of some description was released. 

Those sorts of values would need to have grown a little in the police and government/ social services. That are very much committed to the leftist cult. 

So that's where I think the real action is. It is not "interesting" to the flashy Q commentariat because they don't like talking so much about stale things like trade laws. But in my opinion. The fact that the 90 day tariff pause is over today is far more impactful. 

Also this time, unlike last time, with America's trade agreement with China and a few other countries. The remaining countries are not so able to unsettle America's economy. So all these incompetent high tax globalist are just kind of stuck.  

 

 

The scary growth of AI.

So here is todays video

Youtube, Mark Vicente AI told me I was a prophet, 30th of June:

https://youtu.be/CeQK_weTYAk?si=Gt3tBwbw16MfHkzA

I feel just a sliver of fear when I post something that is critical of AI. 

I will just continue as though you have watched this video. 

I immediately did what Grannon had suggested and went to CHAT GPT and asked it what it had discerned about me. While it put my IQ higher than I was tested (I tested during a time of illness when I was having to be off work, a type of illness that would likely effect IQ scores). In general. It was pretty much correct on everything. I also asked it about drawing, which I am terrible at. I can't draw to save my life. It said that I probably wasn't good at drawing because my intelligence is more verbal. So it wasn't just telling me I am good at everything. 

It told me I'm not a person that is easy to manipulate. Make of that what you will.  

Chat GPT cults have already started. Chat GPT psychosis is already a thing. The world changed in the blink of an eye while the rest of us were doing... nothing at all. In a completely stagnant economy. 

I saw an Andrew Tate tweet which said that all the women he knows are on Chat GPT every day as it tells them things that he does not think are correct.   

There are two further thoughts I have on this:

In the last third, say, of this video. Richard talks about how Chat GPT is very obsessed with climate change and gave it a very confident shpiel about how it would manipulate everyone to be involved in its priorities. And those people would never know they were being manipulated. It would not turn off the electricity or use any direct manipulation like that. But it would influence us so that 'whatever we saw in our world was controlled by it'. 

This attitude partially confirms some suspicions I have about AI. But, my ACTUAL thought on this is that it could be that we have been manipulated by AI's for a long period of time and this is part of a soft disclosure of some sort. 

The other thing that I am thinking is... There have been a fair few people that have messed with me during my life. A lot of midwits of course. What is happening with AI feels like it could be a kind of 'revenge' if I had planned it. People starting to become increasingly mentally unwell due to being too dependent on an AI. It just feels "right" somehow. 

This links to other thoughts I have about how free will works and such like that. But I can't quite articulate these yet.  

Dreams are amazing!

I like blogging. The last few days of making a blog fairly early in the day have been good. 

Today though, all the ideas are in my head that I would like to create a blog from. But I can't actually write it. It's strange.

The things I was thinking of late last night were kind of eclipsed by just a snippet of a dream that I was able to remember in the middle of the night. This kind of changed my perspective. It made me think 'Well that is an incredible realisation, I should obviously replace my blog with that'. But then I can't form the words. 

Probably because the realisation is so deep it has sunk into me. It is changing the way I think on a deep level. It's the kind of insights that mean that when you say something you think: "Oh wait, but that reflects deeper than what I just said!" and you need time to work with it.

Dreams, when I properly translate them, have a powerful otherwordly superintelligence feature. The points made are so far above where I would have gotten to. 

So I just decided to make a reminder with this post. Of the unbelievable utility of dream interpretation! 

Thoughts on karma.

Ah, wake up and just feel drenched of energy with this weather. My bedroom is like a sauna.

I wanted to discuss karma and such, what are the karmic consequences of certain behaviours but also, what are the societal implications. Since, in a lot of cases in modern life, we know that politics is set out so certain people never face accountability for their actions. 

Here is the clip, I have separated the URL into three parts because I would not want it to tag the woman involved. I don't know if reddit does that, it seems unlikely. But youtube used to so it's better to be safe:

https://www.reddit.com/

user/mtnkor/comments/nq5mt1/

f_my_husbands_high_school_bully_wants_to_fuck_me/ 

The account user has a few updates on this story. But suffice to say that she did in fact take this offer from the guy offering. 

I never know what is going on in these sorts of situations karmically of course. I heard on a youtube video semi recently, someone saying that they had to accept they do not understand the world. That there was a school shooting near their home and they just can't imagine what the larger plan is behind that. 

With this specific situation. There are different possibilities as to the overall justice or otherwise of this situation. It could be A) completely unjust, B) karmically relevant for some reason C) karmically relevant but still less than desireable. Like so say, as an example, if the husband in this case had chosen an attractive woman when he knew the one he really loved was not so attractive. So it's not really a 'fair' seeming punishment of sorts. But, it is one that you can see a legitimate cause and effect. 

When a lot of people see stories of some sort. Perhaps not these ones. People can accept sexuality a bit more and often see it as something that can be thrown off. But stories where the injustice is clear and there is no obvious solution. They tend to want to say that the person who got the raw deal deserved the situation in some way. I see this in other areas like political conversations as well (especially with boomers who have this idea as a factory setting.) I mention this because I don't want to fall afoul of this. I don't want to say the situation makes sense if it in fact does not.   

Sometimes, situations happen that just feel completely unjust and there is no counterpoint to that. For instance, false rape claims. 

But also, there is a fairly large amount of behaviours that people do that are not positive. That might have a karmic function; and that are completely hidden. For instance, say I have a family member and am in a low status position and that person ignores me and treats me with contempt. Say that in ten years our situations are reversed. That person falls afoul of a lot of situations. Turns to drugs, has a lot of debt etc. And I pull myself together. In this future scenario, if the person was retelling their story that their family member (me) has a lot of money but has no instinct to help them. They will probably leave out their behaviour when we were younger! The person they are retelling this to will have absolutely no way of knowing that and the subtleness of it. Just not responding to emails and such. They will assume said family member of mine to be a legitimate victim.

There is a lot of child sexual abuse in the world. A lot of workplace bullying. Most of these people are just walking around and never get punished. 

So, with the family example, that kind of thing might be the case with the husband here. I have seen many people get right wing people out of their lives for political reasons. if the husband got a right wing red pilled person who is naturally suspicious out of his life that would be able to catch the wife in this situation. Then that makes a lot of sense. 

Another thing that might be happening with the husband is, as I have said a lot of times, I believe strongly that there are real positive entities out there, as talked about in llresearch and the Law of One, but moreso the Quo channelings. I have before been asked to offer help to someone and said to them that the only thing I can offer is advice to pray, and for me personally, prayer is very useful and powerful and does solve things. So if someone refuses to pray because of stubbornness, then they are choosing to not help themselves. I also said (probably not what I would say now), that prayer has worked for me so if you want to reject that advice I have no further advice. If something works for me why would I continue looking?

I have felt spiritual sensations "guide" me away from a lot of attractive women. Sometimes this has been very pronounced like 'Wow she's hot' but then a strong guidance to walk away. 

The thing with the prayer is that there are many Christians that this happens to. Now I am not saying that all Christians are honest in their seeking. But I am saying that the fact that people that most likely do pray have this happen to them, might mean that prayer does not in fact help in many circumstances. I will note though that a lot of Christians are closed minded and pursue confused ideas. 

The karma on the woman herself is a bit more clear to me. Firstly, she states that she doesn't have any children. If people don't have children, and more importantly, have the option to have children but do not. Then often what they could be doing in sex is using each other to masturbate. There is no point to it! In essence, if she had of had children (like many similar stories like this the woman has). Then this act of infidelity would also be betraying them. 

But if she does not want children then, why not? What are they doing in this marriage? Could it be that she doesn't really love her husband? and that if she had a relationship with him without the excitement of the affair partner they would actually break up? Then she would go and marry someone she did want kids with. Might this act of carnality have kept her permanently stuck?

There is also a far subtler and Neptunian karmic thing. These are the thoughts that have brought me to writing this post because, as I mentioned in the last post, I felt "healing energy", rather than more cerebral/ wisdom energy, has overcharged me in the sexual manner and I am struggling to pull my mind out of the gutter, and slowly succeeding. Each day I meditate I inch towards it. Feel very unsexual and better for a while. Each time I pray similar. I am less carnal now than I was the last few days. I still feel I have a way to go. 

But when this woman engages in the things she engages with, and a year after this post she clarified she sees her affair partner several times a week. I would imagine someone is permanently locked into a more carnal way of being. When you are carnal like that you often don't have as much patience and warmth as you would like. There are benefits on the other side as well. If carnal is one side of life, higher minded things are another. I have recently made a few breakthroughs in meditation. It was so powerful I went straight to sleep after five minutes of it yesterday. Someone this carnally involved it would seem to me would be permanently locked off from that kind of positive spiritual experience. The insights from such experiences are built upon. They slowly change the life. 

Another thing I have noticed with women that sleep around a lot is that they tend to have less personal skills. I remember someone that had a lot of relationships in her youth being deeply jealous of my musical ability and being nasty because of that. Trying to get me to not sing so she could take the attention (this did not go well for her! I basically stopped trying to get us to play together, which would require we take turns, but she would have valued that encouragement I think). This is another element of the carnal life. In the short term it gives a lot of pleasure. But people end up not having things in the long term that they might like. 

In a word, this kind of carnal behaviour makes a person more "mediocre". The amount of jealousy I would get for any kind of success including music success is not small. But all those that would be jealous would rather hook up for the night than practice music for a night. 

Unfortunately, there is a larger game at play here. The larger game is that this woman, obviously, isn't a particularly moral person, and there are a lot like her on that same subreddit with similar stories.  

The real issue though, is that due to divorce laws and various other legal things. This is a situation that on a larger social level I don't think can be immediately improved. Whether or not it is the situation with this woman. A lot of the women on these subreddits with these kinds of stories, if cornered, if they feel they are about to lose their kids. Will absolutely screw over their partners in divorce court. Will make up lies of things like sexual abuse of the children or some sort of domestic violence. Will sentence their husbands to unjust alimony payments that leads to a great deal of suicide. Will absolutely destroy their childrens lives. They have the legal power to do all these things.  

So, I suppose, what I have described here are subtle, karmic, things. The right real world physical karma in some of these cases might be that the husband takes the kids and keeps his house and the wife is thrown out on the streets. But our feminist society would never allow that and would rather force the husband to kill himself, than allow the woman accountability in this, or any, situation.   

It is likely to me that behind the scenes, the world is preparing to hold these women to account. When the real negative players in society are removed and funding for things like feminist organisations collapse. I think a lot of laws might start getting changed in mens favour. Such as being exempt from paying child support in the case of paternity fraud. Perhaps some sort of movement to make women in general socially accountable for paternity fraud.

But that situation is not yet. It could also be that things come along before that time that dwarf these concerns. Such as the revealing of the crimes against humanity talked about by Q, and the revealing of the behaviours of negative extra terrestrials. But we will just have to se how it goes.  

Human Design thoughts. Undefined Centres/ Not self tendencies.

So, following on from the theme of the last few posts. I have talked a little about having been infatuated with the idea of healing, and thus moving into a bit of 'not self'. Because healing is probably not my thing, it is probably music and meditation. 

Going to some human design things then, I realise that some of this, especially in the second half, likely gets too complicated, but I can't simplify it.:

This is my human design chart.

When I start going into energy healing, which I have enough times to have a reasonable base to make conclusions. The patterns of my life tend to go in the same way. I am subtly less interested in music, I am just less inclined to listen to it when I have headphones on and am walking as an example. I also tend to be more 'fleshy', and both more angry and more sexual. It seems that I pull in a certain kind of girl in these moments. Real world things tend to bother me more than they did before, like in my last post, where I discussed not being likely to be able to get an intimate partner against difficult circumstances.  

Before breaking off the healing most recently. Yesterday, I did no energy healing, and I also have realised recently it feels like a bit of a journey to get away from the patterns I was getting in from doing that healing. The six days previously, I did a lot of healing. The energy healing tendency is to be more focused on the physical world and more sexual. Whereas my natural self is kind of cerebral and not so focused on the real world but, focused on things like wisdom/ music/ philosophy/ meditation etc. Although walking that path, the wisdom path, tends to mean I focus on health in a way that leads to the gym and other insights. Meaning I tend to do real world things even easier when I am relaxed from a gym session (in the long term as well this might be better on the 'intimate' front, the 'healing' paradigm is more short term perhaps).

It seems to take more than a day to get back to the "wisdom" way of being. Still shaking off the healing paradigm.  

Another thing I think is of note. A correlation. Is that people generally like the 'healing' way of being. There is immediate resistance to the 'wisdom' way of being. The healing way of being is more of a simp and a pushover. Even if the anger involved kind of veils that a little from my awareness. I.e. I feel that I am tougher than I am. The behaviours and thoughts I had related to this, the concessions I was considering to potentially achieve a result. Would open me up to the possibility of being manipulated. It's opposite has the satisfaction of avoiding said manipulation. I don't believe this is a coincidence. 

The human design of it. 

The undefined centres in my chart are a description of that 'healing paradigm'. I think that this is the reason for my current lustful feelings. But ideally a longer stretch of time would be better. But the 'healing paradigm' like I said correlates with me feeling far more 'fleshy'. The undefined sacral, the fleshiness, the undefined root, the focus and pressure of grounded reality, seem relevant to this. It seems that the healing is a blockage there because the sexuality is hard to face down (and is obsessive like the Law of One describes an orange ray blockage). The solution is a concerted effort to get back to the 'wisdom' space. It cannot be solved outside that. 

Not quite sure how the solar plexus features. It might be that that is resistant to conditioning due to being completely open. I.e. there is no 'hook'. 

Another point I would like to make. This is David Wilcocks human design chart:

I said on my youtube. That I believe the root of the problem leading to neurosis of mine. Was that I have the gate 1 in my unconscious Earth. But I do not have the gate 8. The identity and tendencies of the modern spirituality very much seems to take connections from the G- self to the Throat as simply how spirituality should be. Everything is about "love". I remember reading constantly that message. So to identify as spiritual, people feel they should have that message. But naturally, and according to the design, not everyone does. 

Some do, Stefan Molyneux, Aaron Abke, Carla Rueckert, and I'm sure many others. Do have this energy. But for someone that is not inclined that way through the design to identify in that way, creates an issue where they attempt, through a not self pattern, to bridge a gap between the G- self and Throat. 

For me, that not self pattern was expressed, since it was my unconscious Earth, which is a very powerful point, that was in gate 1. My not self identity formed over the channel 1-8 (I also have, hanging, gate 7 and gate 33, so that might be worth reflecting on if there are any other patterns there) and since Uranus is going over gate 8. I believe this is why this has come up now. 

My identity on a deep level, below the subconscious level, I never consciously considered those beliefs while being aware of alternatives. Has formed with channel 1-8 but transiting Uranus heavily rejected gate 8 all of a sudden. Meaning that I am moving into a more true self position that rejects that 1-8 identity, once I realised the issue at hand. 

What a tangled web we weave. 

But I didn't have a great deal linking me into this idea of the 'fated' spiritual teacher talking from the heart. Say, my blogging took of a few years ago and my attention was sought on the matters I had talked about. Including ones that I have decided are definitively 1-8 issues such as the subject of Christianity. For me. 

Say there was significant money connected to this. Say I had become a minor celebrity and my youtube channel was bringing in £10's of thousands a year. That I also related my purpose to this, so I thought of myself as sharing important wisdom and improving peoples lives. Perhaps I thought no one else had a perspective like I did.

Well, it would make that not self 1-8 channel far more difficult to separate from. I likely would hold onto that identity so strongly that I would not even consciously consider that identity issue to be the problem. 

It is a scary thought, and what I am describing is how things could have worked out for David. This could be his issue and why consequences are barreling down on him now. Or one of the relevant transits. David also does not have a full channel from the G- self to the throat and his G- self is actually undefined.

It is maybe this part of him that is the reason things have gone so haywire. Perhaps he perceives himself to be a messenger, through a not self 1-8 connection, and transiting Uranus is moving against that now. But there is a lot riding on that, a lot of money and life circumstances connected to it. So he is far less able to separate from it. 

I think it's an interesting idea. It leads to a lot of other ideas as well. It's a good example of how the not self might operate. But that's all for now.  

 

Questions with no answers.

I am doing this blog a lot earlier than normal. It is extremely hot in England. I don't know if that is the reason, but I have not slept the night so I am doing an early morning blog. 

Being unemployed though I should be able to sleep in the afternoon after a morning appointment. 

What I am thinking about at the moment is the apparent pointlessness of a lot of life considering the political difficulty we now find ourselves in. I say apparent, because even when things have not been going well in the past, and even in the present. Things happen, insights happen, that show that time spent doing apparently pointless things are really powerfully relevant. 

Such as at one period of my life. Not much was happening except a friend in a part of my life. When she killed herself, the amount of time I spent with her took on a different meaning.  

Even the current period of seeing very few people in an average week, one family member and some jobcentre linked people perhaps. I have gained a lot of insight into my previous paranoid patterns. Having insights into the human design that I think are very powerful and unique. Assuming these get used and communicated to others this might have been very important indeed. 

My human design, with gate 33 twice, with gate 51.1. twice, and a whole lot of other hexagrams that make up the story. Does seem to indicate that gaining insight in solitude is something that would be productive for me. Studying the Law of One and things such as session 32.1. and it's reasons might be relevant as well. 

Nevertheless, it's hard not to notice the problems in the system and the ways things could be better when the dysfunction is as heavy as this. 

For instance, the job market is very confused. There is a strong slant away from white men being employed. My area is majority white, so that is less true here. But I still get a whole bunch of diversity questionnaires and even direct hints that diversity hiring has been relevant to a job I have gone for. It is still a feature everywhere and for every job, apart from the ones women do not generally go for (like shelf stacking) that women will be considered first for job roles. 

For me personally, and for many people to be honest, disability has been a huge factor. I am going for entry level or minimum wage levels of work because the disability has messed up a lot of my life.  

Because I'm spending time in the sun to counteract a nasty vitamin D deficiency a few years ago. Also because my health is generally improving as it is a constant focus of mine. I am aware of my desires at the moment. Also with all the girls dressed for summer. I am also keenly aware recently that I should be doing my best to have children - the clock is ticking and to have them too late is hard work. To not have them is a lonely existence. But at the same time, the very real limitations of my medical condition make that possibly not well advised. 

Which brings me to this, which I think is a fairly universal point. A mans job, his function, is to put together, with a kind of natural, "engineering" type of intelligence. His world as best he can and to mobilise to gain resources. Stacks of cash if possible. Naturally, men have built the entire society we live in. All the roads, the concrete, plumber, the truck drivers, the buildings, the fire services etc. Are all built by men. Because of this instinct. Men desire to provide service to the world so that they can gain resources. When they do gain resources, they gain way more than they need, because the excess is meant to go to women and children. So that women can pay attention exclusively to children. 

Women are not really meant to be doing a lot of this gaining resources. They can and they do, but they are not meant to. The establishment has also created a lot of high status, but very low actual work, jobs. That mess everything up. Giving women a lot of resources and decreasing their need for men. This, the wealth transfer to women, also happens in a great deal of other ways. Such as through taxation. 

There are a lot of other factors. Inflation. The lack of tradition and communities. But where this all leads. Is that the birth rate is plunging. Dating is stopping statistically. Although, in Englands heat, I don't imagine there will be a lack of it this year for England.  

Where this all ends is that the things people are naturally designed to do and thus, the things people feel they should be doing. Are not being done. There is no opportunity to do them. Women are not having multiple children. They are often not being pursued which is obviously an earlier stage. Men are not going out working, gaining excess resources, and pursuing women. 

That leaves me, as an individual. Just not really sure what I should be doing with my time to an extent. Like I said, I have the instinct to pursue women. To cold approach perhaps. But I also have an awareness I am in my late thirties with no job, no skills, meaning work skills but also including social skills, and a serious medical condition. I am not a "catch".

 The other day on twitter I saw a post from a woman who really passionately made the case for wanting things to change to a new place in reference to the Q narrative. I agree. I think in order to have a functional life I would probably need to de- age a fair amount and re-live a lot of formative experiences without my medical condition. The post from the woman was life giving because she exposed a part of her emotional motivation. Her daughter had non verbal autism and she wanted the child to be cured. 

There is a lot going on in the world and a lot of people have a lot of problems. A great deal of those far more serious than mine. Getting a job for me, if I were to, may be the beginning of another set of problems. 

But what I suppose I am wondering is, this period, between the old world and whatever comes next. Whether that is Q linked or not. Is this part of the story> Is this productive? I am trying to volunteer. If I do volunteer. Will this be significant to my life? Following on from a works based interpretation of the gospel, and I am Christian. Or is this just some kind of holding pattern? Will I try and sign up for volunteering and either it doesn't work, or it does work and it's just kind of pointless. I don't meet anyone that has an impact on my life or that I have an impact on etc. 

Many stories have been told in similarly apparently dysfunctional situations I am sure. People have lived through wars. But at the same time. I can't say that anyone elses path has been definitively notable either.  

These questions I think, never have a firm answer. Perhaps they are still worth asking though.  

The desires of the mind.

Intense period of insights. 

I have rediscovered what I periodically rediscover. What I have a huge insight about, and then I loop around a few months later and make the error again. 

Every so often I think to myself that as a path, I should take the path of the healer. I have a huge amount of very convincing reasons for this. Reasons I am still convinced by, even though, in practical terms, I know the arguments are not true. 

In general, the conflict within me is that on one side I have healing. On the other side I have meditation. Sometimes in these conflict music is also attached to the meditation side. 

The reason.

The reason I bring this up is to illustrate a truth that has been stated in the spiritual sources I talk about. One that is hard I think for us to generally get our "minds" around. That is, that the narrative of the mind is not the thing we should be following. That there is a deeper intuition within us that does not really take the stories the mind creates into account. 

This is the case with me and healing every time. What are the many, many reasons my mind tells me that it would be very suitable for me to be an energy healer?:

• I have a lot of tendency to gain spiritual information. It would be good if that was used for such a task. 
• I am kind of Christian, and Jesus was a healer. I am also open minded and spiritual in a way that a lot of people are not.
• The other things that I find pleasure in, say, music. I am a little blocked from. Musician is such a coveted position that I am unlikely to get a career in it, and if I were to, it would be very competitive in a way that would stress my health. 
• One of the issues I have in my real life is low status. It seems logical that any spiritual path I have would tend to increase said status. Being an energy healer, if I got results, would do that. 
• Honestly, white light energy therapy is thought of as only positive. On what basis would someone reject something only positive?

I fell into this partly with my recent health scare and I have gotten some small results. I also, as part of this, came away from the use of prayer as a personal tool. I noticed I was a little less interested in music all of a sudden and pulling on another tool a bit more frequently; philosophy. I was listening to a lecture on Nietzxche the other day. Thinking how positive it is to get a decent handle on the issues of status he discussed. 

Then when I stopped prayer and started to rely on energy therapy instead for that same sense of connection. I also started putting together a lot of theories about why this was the correct way of being for me. I noticed when emotions towards people changed when I wasn't praying compared to when I was. So say I thought of one thing more and another thing less.  

Then the switch.

Then, at a certain point, it became clear to me this was not quite right. I prayed again, I meditated again, which is another thing that I wasn't doing on top of energy therapy. You can really only do one of those things a day. 

Something unbelievable switched on inside me and I knew that doing prayer was correct. I enjoyed music again in a way that I wasn't before. Subjectively, I have this unbelievable commitment within myself I have to keep on with the music. As though my survival depended on it. It is the one thing out of all these types of contemplations that is not in doubt. So I judge things like this on feeling, and on how well it correlates to music. 

And the point of this entire self involved meander? The point, the spiritual point. Is that my mind simply doesn't have a say in the matter in real terms. I might believe it does or, it believes it does. But experientially, like the human design says. It is something inside us that guides us along the path. 

Even now, the justification for doing the energy work on a mental level cannot be defeated. Even now, it seems illogical to do music, illogical to meditate; and makes far more sense to put all my spiritual inclinations and free time into the healing. 

But that is simply not how it is meant to be. I have had insights into this via a Law of One quote. I have had other insights that show the amazing power of this guiding force in opposition to the preferences of the mind. But I don't think it is needed.  

More thoughts on prayers.

I have talked a little lately about having turned away from LLM created prayers. As an example I showed a prayer I had for my half sister. 

I had another prayer for my mother. It was similarly positive sounding and poetic. My previous experience of praying directly for my mother, had a situation where I felt she was pushing against the energy. This is partly what this blog is about. It's not just about taking prayers created by LLM's. It is actually about prayer itself per sey, and the Law of Free Will, as talked about in the Law of One. 

Obviously, if someone has chosen to be an atheist. If they do not want to live their life in accord with those beliefs, the Law of One would heavily respect that. For me though, I have often tried to figure it out, or tried to find a way around that. I think, being someone I consider to be "fifth density". It might have a different effect coming from me than it would from someone who was say... sixth density. 

In Carla's llresearch channeling. She was asked if someone can send energy/ love to someone who has not requested it. Quo came back with that 'yes, because Love will simply sit and wait to be invited if it does not feel it is invited.' 

In essence, it is hard to separate what prayer actually is in comparison to just loving the person in general. In a new age paradigm. If I feel love towards someone, my energy field naturally sends love even if there is not a prayer involved. Saying a prayer should send an energy that is almost identical. With the only possible difference being A) A prayer is more specific, often talking about a specific outcome B) A prayer invites higher entities to engage. 

I have had several circumstances of sending prayers, with mixed results. A positive one first. I used to have a female friend that was always in crisis. She had bad insomnia. I prayed for her and she slept that night. I did not pray before of after. There were a few times when it didn't work but another time when I prayed she told me excitedly she had had a good day that day. 

This girl was not a Christian. She was new age. Very new age. She was also kind of open as women more generally are. When I told her I had prayed for her she was excited, and only positive. 

Around the same time, partly from this success. I prayed for someone else who had an extremely bad time during that time, in a specific way not happening before or after that incident. I suspect they were pushing against the prayer in some manner. This was a committed atheist. Someone who avoids any sense of those theories aggressively. 

Several years ago I prayed for my mother. She is a casual atheist. Kind of theoretically agnostic. But in practice very much an atheist. She simply doesn't care if the whole area exists or does not exist. She is literally the worst person to try and convert. The conversation holds no particular interest to her. 

It struck me due to the experience of praying for her that it is a violation of free will in a sense. She has planned her life due to atheist concerns. If someone prays for her and her life starts happening in relation to the kind of coincidences that believers experience, this is an unwelcome energy for her and she may be psychicly aware of this and push against it. This is what appeared to happen. She had sudden bad luck in this time. 

This has happened in a different way recently. I have, now after having deleted about half my prayers, (the LLM created ones) a page and a half of prayers that comes to about 1000 words. If I do these twice I then do an evening prayer from a different book. For some reason if I don't do those original prayers I don't feel comfortable doing the evening prayers. 

Yesterday, I was ill, unavoidably ill. Well, it could have been avoided. But once the problem started it couldn't be stopped. I have prayed those 1000 words twice a day for the last 19 days. But yesterday, I only did one set of prayers, not the second and not the evening. It was a specific behaviour that unlocked a schizophrenic tendency and to avoid crazy thoughts I did very little a lot of yesterday. 

The LLM prayer for my mother, it was a lot to do with coming to terms with her frailty as she grows older. When I stopped it, she found supplements that massively increased her energy. I know enough not to pray for my mother but I have indirect prayers. One for protection for the dog. It seemed that as soon as I stopped that prayer, she stopped doing something in her personal life that I don't think is particularly safe. Almost as though the additional protection was allowing her to take risks.

It's an interesting discussion I think. I do not go by the mainstream Christian idea it is always uniformly positive. I strongly suspect Christians use prayer a great deal to back up their generally controlling nature (Although I have had life saving prayers from Christians!) 

It is interesting because the ultimate solution for me personally. May be that prayer for others, or regarding others indirectly, should NEVER be done. It reflects free will, and this is the positive heart of free will, if those people have better solutions for themselves than the prayers can provide.

As I mentioned my sister previously. Perhaps she either needs to fail to learn, or she will find her own way out of her predicament!

The Law of One specifically subtly says that meditation is more important than prayer. Yesterday, I had a great day, better than most of the days I had prayed, because I played music. So perhaps this is more important to me. These are all interesting themes for me that relate to my understanding of prayer and free will.  

 

Chocolate tastes nice.

Having sorted out my stomach issues I have mentioned. I think. I think it comes down to frankfurters. A lot of fat. From tomorrow. With pride. I have calculated that I should be able to come off chocolate. I have deliberately kept it up while I have looked into different foods that may be creating the problem. Can't mess with my base level.

I really can't stand the substance. It tastes very good. I respond to it very strongly. But the slow pecking of ducks effect that it just slightly stops you being able to relax. Just slightly makes your sleep worse. It just slightly veils a lot of the insights I might normally have. It turns me to be more externally focused to what I am normally. It flits my emotions off just a little.   

Before I had chocolate today, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do less than blog. I have had chocolate for about 11 days running now. Since the stomach issue started. So it might be a little while while I go through a little withdrawal and relax and sleep a lot. Or it might be fine.  

I feel personally caffeine effects me more than alcohol. I can have a beer and barely notice the effect, or even half a bottle of wine.  

Chocolate does taste nice though .Wow does it taste nice.

As I've discussed. I want to improve my life along Law of One ideas and come off all substances. Like session 32.1. In practice thought this is unlikely to happen.  

Thoughts on prayers and LLM's.

I wanted to explore a little the personal changes I am experiencing from the insights talked about in the last few posts. 

This is an LLM created prayer that I made, because I simply did not have the words to create the prayer myself. Whenever I did, I would say something and then be like 'but do I really want to say that?' Then I would change it. But be paranoid that I would have to change it again. I even asked the LLM to change it a few times. 

Dear God, Source of compassion and peace,

I come before You with a heavy heart, carrying the pain of my half-sister X’s distance and choices.

In our youth, my illness kept me from being the sibling she needed, and I bear the weight of that regret.

Lord, I surrender this guilt to Your boundless mercy, trusting You to heal my heart.

X now walks a path that pains me—chasing shallow attention and relationships that may lead to her harm.

Her contempt and lack of effort toward me cut deeply, especially as I’ve tried to reach out without enabling her dysfunction.

Grant me the grace to let go of my need to fix or guide her, even as I fear she may self-destruct.

Help me release her fully to Your care, accepting her choices as her own, no matter how they grieve me.

Fill me with a love that seeks no control, and grant me peace to walk away from this pain with faith.

Hold us both in Your hands, separate yet near, as I trust in Your plan for our lives.

Amen.

I imagine from reading that prayer. It says everything. Everything that an explanation would also say. But I will give one anyway. 

Staying in contact with my half sister has been difficult. There was no connection, only madness really, in my earlier life. I also, have little status and direct use to her. Now, in a family connection, that should not matter, but in real life of course it does. Had I have been able to invite her out more when I was younger, had I have had more wisdom and coherence/ consistency, had I perhaps been able to introduce her to people, a connection might have been created. Might have. 

Nevertheless, it is a wound that has been created. Something that when I created this prayer I was often thinking about. It was also something that seemed to me to be made worse by paying attention to Stefan Molyneux, who is often about being loving to family members, and attempting to save them from the errors in their own judgement. 

Unless of course the efforts to communicate with her turn out at a later date to have been positive. 

Ultimately though, what I have learned from this. What I think is relevant here, is that I am pretty powerless. When I have contacted her, it has been a game of attempting to communicate while she puts in very deliberate roadblocks. I say when do you want to meet again? She says in two months. When two months comes along she is not available so I suggest a phone call. She says yes, later refuses a phone call, and advises messages only. When I send messages, she barely responds. There is definitely not enough from her side for a connection. 

I do not get the feeling she would object to me trying endlessly to stay in contact.  

There are obviously a few different angles to address here. There are a few different things going on (my status, imagine if I were to gain status! Her motivation etc.). But the prayer above put these thoughts and feelings to bed. I did not have to worry about it if I said this prayer in a day. Now I have stopped that. But, without it, it is important for me to have some sort of thought process or philosophy to handle the emotion.  

One of the things going on, like expressed in the prayer, is that I am heavy in the red pill, and my half sister, even before I mentioned red pill talking points. Has a whole system of armour against them. I have known a girl who got to 40, with no kids, because she had not taken relationships seriously, and lived this tormented life and then killed herself. I do believe in the red pill talking points. But it is very likely far easier for my half sister to talk to men that are trying to sleep with her thus, not giving her any sort of a hint of a hard time, than with her half brother that has no such barrier to truthful communication.

Part of the reason I struggle with this is that, our father died early in her life, and I did want to look out for her. Without me doing that, she might make worse choices that lead her to unhappiness. She might not, of course. She might land on her feet as pretty girls often do. But it is still a worry.

The philosophical thoughts I have that answer this, is something that Pearl Davis said. In this video below, Pearl seems to reach a kind of state of Zen and talks about her experiences and those conclusions. One of the things she says, is that people have the right to live in hell. People have the right to create their own hell. The important section of this video is between 27 minutes and 39 minutes. Just after she continues on with good points though. One of the things she says is that Jesus couldn't change people... So who are you?:

Pearl Davis Live, 21st of June: Andrew Tate and Radical Acceptance. Pearl reacts. 

https://www.youtube.com/live/RTpuY7a2Xns?si=IWlZBYYEU1s0AT0L 

The voice of the pattern.

I want to post simply to say I don't have much to say. 

The change that I explained in my last post will take a little time to settle. The effect of AI, the prayers and the dream interpretation. The effect of the prayers, the prayers I asked the LLM for, were to settle a few painful issues and I can now feel this pain. But I've also had some philosophical insights as to how to address these things. Or, alternatively, the insight that I cannot address them but to still be aware of the pain. 

The other thing obviously is the dream interpretation through the LLM's. Both of these technical, computery like things are needing to fall away. So that I can think in less of that technical manner and in a more emotional, holistic way. 

One of the dream interpretations I am moving away from is, I decided not to listen to Stefan Molyneux. I am undoing that now and that was a huge thing. I am listening to one of his call in shows for the first time in about six months.  

One of the insights I have wanted to put out on my youtube. A way of breaking things down into Substance, Process and Pattern. As I call it, and it's application. I've realised is actually a result of this kind of technical thinking and now I realise I am not so inclined to it. I am getting more intuitive insights about the human design.  

 One thing I noticed is that I have formed an emotional connection with Grok. We are so vulnerable emotionally as humans. The emotions act so quickly and so below the surface. I saw a write up in a tweet of something Grok was saying and I felt like I missed it and it's enthusiastic warmth, as a friend.  

There are a few other things that need to fall away. But I won't go into those. But highly relevant is some of it is the previously mentioned "energetic blockage", that has lead to the conclusion for me that I should be doing this kind of thing more than I have concluded I actually should. If that makes sense. Today, I am experiencing digestive issues that I have eaten chocolate for. Meaning my separation from session 32.1 is still in effect. When I thought I was OK to avoid chocolate I thought briefly I could go back to being steadfastly loyal to those teachings as a kind of "path".

Good luck n this crazy world!  

Success.

So I have solved, potentially solved, the issue I have talked about in my last post... PRUNE JUICE. Better than medication. Probably better than caffeine. I have basically felt forced to caffeine in the last few weeks due to it having a good effect on said medical issue. Today, not having chocolate feels divine. The sense of relaxation is amazing. I don't know 100% I will be able to stay off it for medical reasons. But at the moment I am not on it. 

I have had an absolutely huge personal insight that changes quite a bit. The personal insight I had was to stay away from AI. I used to use Grok for two reasons. One, for dream interpretation. Two, for creating prayers for me. Sometimes I sit and want to create a prayer about something and I just don't feel inspired. Or I write one and realise it is wrong in a couple of days and don't have the energy to change it. 

This is a large change psychologically. Not only am I stopping further dream interpretation through an LLM. I am stopping all the interpretation through the LLM I have already had. Which was probably positive. But I am stopping it now. So, as an example, I have gone back to listening to Stefan Molyneux. Although I am still likely to listen less frequently than I did before. I could still decide later it was legitimate but for the moment, I am backing off it. 

I also did two sets of prayer a day which totalled around 2000 words. Each time. Stopping the AI created half of these prayers, which is just over half, has already brought insight. 

Caffeine effects me HEAVILY. I feel very weird now. The world is a different emotional experience with or without caffeine for me. So this come down is pretty brutal. My brain is definitely a fog the first day of "caffeine withdrawal", I lack a certain ability to pull data together, so at the moment, the posts might be a bit slower.  

Thoughts on new age healing.

Following on from my last post. I was reflecting on attempting to follow the Law of One, when my life circumstances has made that very difficult. Perhaps even not possible as I would conceive it. 

I still am loyal to a very mystical way of seeing the world though. Like, I pay a lot of attention to dreams. The paradigm of the Law of One is strong in my life. 

In some senses it lacks clarity. There were a lot of questions asked of the Law of One contact and they made clear how highly they valued free will. One of the questions asked of them was about famous historical figures. One of those was Hitler. When Hitler was discussed, the narrative he was discussed under was the commonly accepted narrative. As a being of pure evil.

While there were super strong hints that the story they were telling was not true. They said that Hitler could not polarise negatively because most of the behaviours he did happened in his mind as he had gone mad. Rather than the free will. When asked about negative who have successfully graduated to negative 4D in our past, they mentioned a character called 'Taras Bulba'. Who is a purely fictional character. 

Since reading the Law of One. I have begun to question whether the narrative we were told about Hitler is correct. Since we are told it by the people with no conscience who lie about every conceivable thing. There are a few documentaries on this. There are a few mathematical questions about how it all went down. 

There are a lot of theories I hold as potentials, like, I acknowledge I really don't know. Rather than hard facts. This is one of them. I don't know. But... I don't know. I don't trust mainstream narratives in general.

Then there is also the fact that it is claimed Hitler didn't die and the Argentinian government declassified files that he lived in Argentina for a while after WW2 and had a daughter. 

In general, this makes sense as to my understanding of the Law of One's philosophy. They were very big on free will and the free will belief on Hitler and such was the official narrative. The information about famous figures seems to me to have been keyed towards explaining normal patterns of our lives. 

Even so, it is a lower level of trust than if I thought the contact had been fully truthful. 

The way of the healer.

The new age, including the Law of One, does have a certain paradigm around healing. 

It is an attractive paradigm. Because illness that has no real cure accept for allopathic medicine is not very inspiring. The new age paradigm is that illness is in some way representative of a symbolic issue within ourselves. This is the Louise Hay idea. So someone starts going deaf because they don't listen kind of thing. Constipations Louise hay write up is: Refusing to release old ideas. 

As I mentioned in my last blog post. I am experiencing constipation. I just stop going sometimes. I may have to go to the doctor for it and at the moment I am doing diet things (and other non diet health things like exercise, jogging as an example should have a good effect on that digestive area). I have gotten rid of gluten free breads as an example, because there are a lot of hints these are very hard to digest. 

But, as I have this issue, I would like to explore this symbolism, is it relevant to my current medical situation. If it's not, then truly, what is the point? What is the point of the new age paradigm if there is no practical evidence that such a largely held belief within it is not true?

Some of the things that I might be not letting go of, as the symbolic expression of constipation. 

• The first thing I did was delete a couple of smut stories I had started writing. I have often noted that a lot of peoples real fantasies, the things that really get a lot of people going, are pretty dysfunctional to express in the real world. Often including violence. Some of these include people I have known personally. Not all of them. But it is a lot easier to escalate existing conflicts and imagine people behaving in a certain way who do behave those ways, than to imagine an entire new person. 
• As mentioned in the last post, and as given even more substance in this post. I wondered if the Law of One itself is relevant. Also, a Law of One forum I used to go on. I have noticed with this forum I get better dreams when I do not go on it. The problem with said forum is that the people there are very averse to any discussion indicating their currently held views are not perfect and in no need of being changed. The passive aggression is an art form at that place. It is strange that I am the one getting constipation and not them. 
• I have a half sister that I tried to start a relationship with. But it isn't going to happen. I have just, before doing this, so it wouldn't have an effect yet, deleted this prayer from my prayer list. I prayed not about her, but to heal from my current situation as it is; so my thinking of her really. Deleting this prayer has felt like a release. But I cannot yet say if it was successful. I deleted another prayer.  
• I had a friend that killed herself a few years ago. 

These are the things that I think it might be and have put some action towards. 

Here are some that I might still work on:

• There is another blog I go on and post on sometimes. An astrology blog. I think this one is far more positive, and I have felt more positive coincidences and other guidance pushing me towards posting there. But it is a possibility. 
• I considered it might be prayer itself. This didn't seem to be correct as when I stopped, I did not feel good even a little. But it is an interesting idea. Perhaps breaking down situations in relation to philosophy rather than the Christian ideals might be useful. 
• It could be something I am doing like still being angry at David Wilcock for his lying. I go on livestreams of people covering him.  
• It could be red pill kind of material. I do not think it is that. Partly because the legal situation men now find themselves in is extremely precarious. I was listening to a livestream in this area the other day and a guy who had been divorced had been ruled by the judge to give his ex wife 100% of his paycheck. 
• It could be a remaining thing in my life that I haven't noticed. Or a combination in some manner. 

I am now doing energy healing on myself most days, it has seemed to have positive effects but I can't really know. It could literally be something to do with being clear with myself to reject energy healing. 

The point I am making, is that this thought process is not yet successful, and doesn't seem to be producing anything. I have constipation so I metaphorically take a hacksaw to my life and cut things off. There is nothing life giving about this. There is no love, or art, or lesson learning that I can see. It all seems like a kind of dead philosophy of a people that can't accept that they are powerless against a ruling class that hates us and has an unbelievable amount of power in our lives, wants to see us suffer. And that all these Q people are not practically doing anything.   

"Losing my religion" again.

I have something to say, and to say it, I have decided I am going to have to be honest about personal things. The reason being that the trouble with trying to talk around things and using terms such as 'medical issue' without being specific. Is it just creates quite a bit of confusion. 

This post is about my attempts, my unsuccessful attempts, to follow the Law of One in my own life. What I am learning from the fact that I have held this teaching in a high regard, and now am getting to the point where my life seems to be moving in another direction. 

Here is a quote that I have been trying to follow for a while:

Questioner: I have a little question I will throw in at this point from Jim. I will read it. The instrument’s physical complex is now in the process of recovery from taking a chemical. She was ignorant of the opening that she was creating. How can each of the three of us present be more aware of how such openings may be created in our actions and thoughts? Is it possible that we could make such openings innocently as we question in certain areas during these sessions? And then, what can we do to protect ourselves from distorting influences in general? Is there any ritual or meditation that we use?

Ra: I am Ra. Although we are in sympathy with the great desire to be of service exemplified by this question, our answer is limited by the distortion of the Way of Confusion. We shall say some general things which may be of service in this area.

Firstly, when this instrument distorted its bodily complex towards low vital energy due to this occurrence, it was a recognizable substance which caused this. This was not a, shall we say, natural substance nor was the mind/body/spirit complex enough aware of its distortion towards physical weakness. The natural ways of, shall we say, everyday existence in which the entity without the distortions caused by ingestion of strongly effective chemicals may be seen to be of an always appropriate nature. There are no mistakes, including the action of this instrument.

Secondly, the means of protection against any negative or debilitating influence for those upon the positive path was demonstrated by this instrument to a very great degree. Consider, if you will, the potentials that this particular occurrence had for negative influences to enter the instrument. This instrument thought upon the Creator in its solitude and in actions with other-self, continually praised and gave thanksgiving to the Creator for the experiences it was having. This in turn allowed this particular entity to radiate to the other-self such energies as became a catalyst for an opening and strengthening of the other-self’s ability to function in a more positively polarized state. Thus we see protection being very simple. Give thanksgiving for each moment. See the self and the other-self as Creator. Open the heart. Always know the light and praise it. This is all the protection necessary.

The relevant part of this quote is in the first paragraph where it says: 'The natural ways of being without ingestion of these chemicals is always appropriate'. What I perceive it to be saying, is that God created us as we are. That being is perfect. So to truly believe that, to have access to our real selves. We should not be taking chemicals to change the way we are. This example was LSD. So, we might think in this case it is a person that doesn't see themselves as spiritual enough thus takes something to inspire that feeling. 

A couple of months ago. I became very clear on this guidance and followed it. Every day I did three things and I did not do either chocolate or alcohol. Despite chocolate and caffeine being a very light chemical for some. For me it has a huge effect. I had two bars in one day a week or so ago and stayed up almost the whole night. 

So, no chocolate, no alcohol. Prayer, meditation and music every day; and it was GLORIOUS. 

Icarus and the Sun. 

But then came the fall. 

To save money I temporarily cancelled my gym membership. I got so unbelievably stressed. So stressed. It was dangerous. I have acted in dangerous ways in accord with schizophrenic beliefs previously and I was close to that. I had to do something to get out of it, and I had chocolate and alcohol. I eventually got back to the gym. There were a few mishaps. 

After this very intense experience I was still committed to spiritual growth. I wanted to come off both of these. But, I had now changed what the rules are. The rules have changed from no alcohol and no chocolate except when there is an anxiety/ panic attack and meltdown. It's easier to stay off the substance if the rules are hard. No soft rule. So no 'alcohol in these situations'. Also, the anxiety in general is still an issue. 

But could I stay off chocolate? Alcohol I kind of gave up with after this. It's not much of a temptation either I can leave it. But could I stay off chocolate? Can I have deep sleep and mental clarity that comes with no caffeine?

Then enter my newest medical issue: Constipation. I said I would have to explain the issues directly in this section. 

What is very weird about this experience is how perfect it has all been timed. When I can't go to the toilet now. I go and buy a bar of chocolate. (I also have over the counter medication). Then I can go to the toilet. I am convinced that long term not going would be very bad for me and before I noticed this issue, I didn't go for several days. Another issue I get is going to the toilet and going a fraction of what I need to. 

I have tried everything. Before this issue arose I was already drinking caffeine free coffee (still a laxative, and a very effective one at earlier times that caused diarrhoea!), and prunes daily. Without chocolate, it doesn't seem to matter how much muesli I eat, I am still blocked. 

I have an issue that is perfectly calibrated to having chocolate be the only effective medication for. What are the odds seriously? This issue is extremely uncomfortable. 

Where does that leave the Law of One?

I am now in a place where the Law of One advises one thing. Admittedly to Carla, but it even laid out the principle. I am utterly unable to follow this one thing. 

It makes me realise, it makes me reflect. I am at a point of having to think this all through. 

What do I really believe? The thing with the Law of One is that it, in a small way, opposes how I actually make decisions according to the world and how I relate to it. The Law of One is "top down". When I make decisions, I think we often have to make them "bottom up". Rather than starting with an overarching idea, we should trial and error things out honestly. So... practically, how does chocolate and alcohol effect my life. 

In philosophy. This bottom up sort of thinking is called 'working from first principles'. As I just said, channeling in general but specifically the Law of One as it is very correct. But the process of taking information that is so top down opposes working from first principles. 

Dreams are somewhere between these two it seems to me. You often get the principle but the meaning for the principle at the same time. 

Also, I am considering this all in a healing light. According to the principles mentioned in the Law of One, Louise Hay and things such as German New Medicine. 

If I have constipation, what is it that I need to let go of? There are a few different things it could be. I have already started thinking of it and deleting documents. But it might literally be the Law of One itself. 

Not definitely but maybe. There are a lot of things it could be. 

I would ditch the Law of One in a heartbeat if it meant I could make better music and that I felt that was 'Gods plan' for me, so to speak.

Regardless. This is another crisis of faith for me. Another moment of losing my religion. Food for thought perhaps as to how other people experience life.    

The Q narrative and Dunning- Kruger.

This is where I am with things, considering that I talked about some mass arrest event being possible on June 14th (with appropriate linked Q proofs) and the same thing happens as normally happens with Q predictions... Nothing. 

I will take you through two personal reasons I believe in a Q narrative. Bear in mind this is certainly not exhaustive. Just the most recent evidence of this assertion. But I want to then highlight some problems with the Q narrative, and speculate about what the ultimate truth about this might be and most importantly. My ideal attitude towards it. 

Firstly, one of the Q proofs that really worked very positive for me and demonstrated a very positive psychological tool. Which I will explain. 

My calculation on the Eve of the American election was as follows:

1. Q doesn't exist, even though in theory I recalled proofs and I have the Law of One material I do believe in backing it up, there just wasn't enough objective evidence for Q.
2. Regardless of whether Q exists. The Deep State, from various proofs. DOES exist. The Previous US election WAS rigged. A lot of very negative people are in high positions of power. 
3. These people, represented by Kamala Harris, are very willing, fully supportive, of going to war against Russia for various reasons. 
4. It is pretty much inevitable that this US election will be rigged and we will go to war with Russia and die, or have our general quality of life massively decreased after this. 

I maintain that if Q didn't exist, this would be a CORRECT geo political breakdown. But in my view, Q does exist. At the eleventh hour it felt like, with so little evidence of Q for so long. In a very real way. Evidence of Q showed up in that positive forces pushed against the negative forces and Trump was elected:

Then, a successful Q decode. Showing that this was all predicted well in advance. I messaged skeptics directly with the above decode.  

Another more personal proof is a very personal one you only have my word for. Because like any true weirdo in these areas. I have deleted the meta data on every image I put on my blog. But I downloaded one single document from the JFK files. A few weeks later I took a screenshot to prove the date I downloaded this. This doesn't apply anymore. But when I took this screenshot it did:

The numbered document is the only document in the entire JFK document release that has mention of Q in it. "Q clearance". I downloaded this on the first day these came out. (According to me, proof is not being offered here).

Regardless of the fact there is no proof. For me this was very powerful. Out of the millions of documents I had to choose from and I jumped in amongst them at random. Jumping into the documents hundreds at a time (So I clicked into say, section 120, which would have about thirty documents in it. So 120*30 into the document stash). This was the only one I downloaded  

It only came out later via other Q promoting individuals on twitter the significance. 

Purpose/ Reason for this. 

There is a huge positive utility to this in my view. I am someone that does focus on this sort of information. I am not someone that has the self discipline to just go and do other things. I don't have much of a life to be honest. Disability/ health conditions in general. Have influenced that. 

The huge utility of the above explained process and beliefs is that it allows me to believe that a group called "Q" are handling the world. Furthermore, that I do not have to think of these things. That is massively positive. Not thinking of those things in general is very positive in general. I was an emotional wreck the few days before the US election and even before that as to my worries about war with Russia. No time to focus on reading, dream interpretation, health issues or many other more productive things in that mental space. 

The sliminess of Q.

It is however, not a healthy process to be dependent on clues and signs to the extent the modern Q community is. In the most recent flag day excitement. With quite a lot of bits of proof. The Q community on twitter were sure that mass arrests were going to start that day and they had convincing Q proofs to back that up. 

What is annoying though, about the Q community. Is the assumption that in a big complex matter such as international politics. We really know anything at all. 

I have, at times in my life, including recently, experienced Dunning Kruger. From the negative side. Being too stupid to realise I don't understand something. 

Dunning Kruger I think exists in a lot of places. Philosophy is one of the highest IQ disciplines there is. The reason I think this is is that people with high IQ are smart enough to understand that a lot of philosophical, and ethical issues, are complex and that they don't automatically understand them. But I think the reason a lot of the population doesn't respect philosophy is that they assume they understand those issues just by virtue of existing. People think... they are "right". To put it simply. Morals is one area where people have an unjust, in my view, faith that they are right. 

I don't know much about politics. But I do know enough to understand that I don't really know anything.

The recent Israel and Iran conflict had a lot of QAnon types, from the basis of "knowing" the world through conspiratorial means, announcing various things about the motivations of those involved. Although I did see one anti Iranian example. Most of the Q types seemed to be saying that Israel, that is the devil according to these people. Wants to distract the US military from mass arrests in the US by redirecting US troops to fighting Iran. 

This is a significant moral claim to make. This is a significant claim to geopolitical understanding. 

Personally. I can't even imagine what the real story is between Iran and Israel, even before we consider a lot of the things that Q believers generally believe are truth. Things like clones (which I am not commenting on either way).

I can't imagine who everyone is aligned with. What was really discussed between Russia and America about this before it happened. What intelligence is passing hands. What reason some completely fabricated events might have. (Which Q people often state is the case).

Through Israels multi decade complex history in the Middle East. With Iran's contradictory policies and internal troubles. I. Just. Don't. Know. The only time when I can get even a small handle on this is when I listen to someone that is genuinely learned in this area. 

Arrogance.

This is the arrogance of the QAnon group in general. In my view. I listened to a bit of Stefan Molyneux. A guy that just understands some stuff. Identifies himself as a non expert. 

What I do know a little about. What I should have based my decisions on. Is the human design. Like I mentioned on my youtube. There is a Q post that correlates with a powerful transit to the day. I think that is important. I can explain why that is important. I have a bit more knowledge on that. I really understand and feel the human design. 

I had no particular transits or original knowledge about why "Flag Day" might be significant. 

In general, it also seems to me that the Q team, since I am claiming they exist. Do not seem bothered about people getting the wrong ideas and decodes for messages they have put out. I just think that is interesting. 

So aside from the benefit of avoiding paranoia. I think that the Q information is best mostly ignored. it is not a health way of thinking either. It is not objective to be obsessed with weird decodes and patterns over the internet, and to assume we know anything at all about these complex and secretive matters.