Mad politics and philosophy.

I didn't give credit for a previous decode on my youtube community notes. Although I would need to check that it was the guy who actually made it. But I will for this one. This comes from a twitter account @Cowboyw2b2:

I think these decodes are pretty much daily, or if not daily, still often. Even though the timing of two twitter posts is a little weak. When you add everything together it is not weak. (As in other Q posts as well!)

It makes me wonder about hope in general. If there is some sort of military force that is able to leave clues and prophesize things in this amount of detail. Then higher positive spirits and such must be able to do it to a far greater specificity. 

That gives me hope, and at the moment there is not much of it. For me personally, it feels like I have been gathering together all these various esoteric practices for decades. Meditation, visualisation, dream interpretation, prayer, Christianity, etc. and there are FAR more. And now it is time to actually apply them to difficult real life problems. 

The real life problem I have is that now that my health is better, and now that I meditated which gave me a powerful entry into my emotions. I have found emotions that are inconvenient. Loneliness. In a person that has been comfortable with solitude for a long time, and has adapted their lives to solitude.

Low status.

Also, it has been a long time of not having a job and so not having money. Not having money for a while, when I was too ill to do much. Well there wasn't much option. But you need money to enjoy life once you are well enough to do so.

And the thing I most want is... A playstation! Even though it feels like a loser thing to get. But I suppose it makes me even more of a loser to not be able to afford a £40 second hand playstation. 

Anyway, it seems like my energy is not working. I seem utterly unable to get myself together enough to write a youtube video or make a more interesting blog... Shucks!  

Perhaps in the lounging around I will have enough thoughts to put something together. As I was writing this I had an idea for something that could be very interesting. For years, I paid a lot of attention to a philosopher named Stefan Molyneux. I got incredibly angry at something he said. This was influenced by my medical condition that has filled me with too much adrenaline for years and integrated this into my personality, because it was my background emotion. A very complex psychological thing to figure out. 

Anyway, he wrote a response to me and I stopped going on the telegram and commenting on his posts there. The podcast was FDR 5217: The truth about mysticism. When I started meditating this came up as something to pay attention to. 

Now that I have got more into QAnon, which is a distinctly mystical, and anti objectivist cognitive process. It might be worth doing a video breaking that down. And when I think of mentioning Stefan Molyneux, I might include certain astrological relevances to his chart. Just because those are at the forefront of my mind. I would not want to use those points directly to challenge his free will, but I do want to say them. So the video could be hours long. 

Anyway, I feel a bit ashamed when I try and listen to that specific podcast that I have downloaded, so I have not listened to it yet. The emotion is too strong. But I suppose once I have, I might be able to form a video on this subject.

That was a surprise part 2

Yes, it is still a surprise. I have not recovered from. 

Catalyst is an interesting thing as discussed in the Law of One material and how such teachings manifest organically in my life. Quite often, when I get to really intense personal periods is when I suddenly have a whole bunch of insights.

In the specific case, there are two parts of me which I use to deal with the world. This is all new personal information. One is that there is a kind of QAnon/ Law of One type of mindset. One that has a lot of faith in these kinds of things. Second is a kind of Stefan Molyneux/ philosophy/ my own general skepticism mindset. It might be difficult to imagine I have that second side since my general output is so spiritual and such. But it is there.

The second one that I have for a long time thought was more reliable, relating the first one to schizophrenic tendencies. Has kind of fallen by the wayside after the election. Sitting on election night having been scared a few weeks previously of a Democrat win, I checked the human design transits and saw 1.1. Then a few more synchronicities and I could not undo that feeling. 

The result of said election where there was simply no deep state presence at anywhere near the level it has previously been. Plus, I have noted it being missing even before that. It leads me to think that the QAnon narrative I originally understood. Many specifics in that area. Is correct. This is quite a fundamental rewiring of my brain. I never stated I didn't believe in it. But I have generally not been interested in pursuing any understanding in this area, and my faith in it has definitely emotionally wavered before November 5th.

I want to, as I said in my last post, get back to doing youtube vidoes and blogging. Even though there is no direct benefit for me to be doing those things. I'm not getting paid. So there is no reason for me to push myself to do it when it is not easily accessible as a kind of leisure activity. But I do still want to do it. 

Nevertheless though, I am still recovering from this sudden shift in my beliefs.

That was a suprise.

Damn,

Today has been very weird. Just weird hyper focused bad luck. Things that don't make sense. My health has been in danger but that is not really unusual. 

I did a second communion just now and decided after that that my thoughts on Tarot in a previous post called 'Schizo tarot' was just wrong. I just completely span out of control for some reason. I am still kind of breaking down why it went wrong. I just watched that womans most recent video and enjoyed it. Although from that same post I am still going to come away from personal tarot readings. I liked this womans political tarot readings though.

She says something that I am starting to believe is true after this election. Or starting to re- believe... "White hats are in control".

It is taking me a while to put my psychological health back. To get on with basic tasks that need doing. But hopefully it won't be too long. I want to get on with making youtube videos again but I think it is a little way off.

The unbelievable benefit of meditation.

Out of all my self improvement tactics. Meditation is the most reliably positive. I would have listed all of the other ones to show meditation is better than all these. But in truth, some of the other ones have helped me out of specific binds where meditation was not so effective. So, when I had a psychotic break I could not do meditation because the psychosis would return. So I did dream interpretation. And I pray before my meditation sessions so that self improvement tactic is inseparable from meditation in a sense.

But recently, perhaps massively improved by my improved health. Meditation has taken centre stage again. I have always wanted one single thing that I can do. One thing that if I do that then I will be going in the right direction. At the moment, meditation is that thing for me. 

This was one of the self improvement techniques really heavily pushed by the Law of One, which is my spiritual backbone. The first benefit, is that I struggle a little to access and articulate my own feelings. Perhaps this is due to having schizoid leanings or perhaps it is a very normal thing. Or I have it just a bit more than others. But, I feel normally in my life, I simply can't access certain emotions. Then when I meditate I can. For instance, after a meditation session recently I was far more affectionate. 

I have been trying to access that sense of new feelings and emotions for a while, and I thought it was something that disappeared with my youth! 

The positive effects can't really be described. No matter how things are going for me. No matter how bad I feel about lack of achievement or some other thing. Low status. That half hour of feeling good, of being away from the world will still be there. And I can look for ways to improve it. Should I stretch or do yoga ahead of it? Thinking about using a pyramid or something else. 

I have had unusual feelings that I am not sure what to do with but that I have an instinct are the route to improvement for me. I have had insights that relate to the meditation that explain things in my life. One of the things I have become aware of. Firstly I became aware of a deep fear that I talked about on my community notes and explains why my youtube video output has dried up. But also from that, as I become aware of my fear, I become aware of a kind of vulnerability. A delicateness of sorts. It's hard to explain because I don't really seem delicate.

But it is these kind of things that we avoid, that I believe are thought to be the route to our improvements. Even though in the short term it seems to be stopping me from doing one of my other goals which is music. Playing guitar.

It has started to shift my life on such a fundamental level it may change the direction slightly. I have the suspicion, that after a while of doing this there will just be a bunch of coincidences pushing me in a better direction. I can feel a sense of a part of me preparing that.