Reflections on lust and balancing.

In a way, I realise I am a kind of fundamentalist. Just not for mainstream Christianity. But for the Law of One. 

I don't really know what 'fundamentalist' means in this instance. But, a lot of the time, reading the Law of One, re- reading the Law of One. Seems to answer a question that I have at the time. Like, Christians say that all the answers are in this book, and hold up the bible. I feel that same way about the Law of One. 

So here's what I am thinking. There are two things. The second, the Law of One quote from session 34, of which I fully intended to write here. The first, the rest of the post, is something that has been turning over in my head from different perspectives for a long time.  

I will be honest about this even though any rational calculation would warn against it. This blog will be about handling feelings as a guy of that kind of lust for women. But moreso, more importantly, a kind of feeling that they are an aristocratic, untouchable, class. 

Two blogs ago I talked about this and I posted on that blog an image from twitter of a girl with her breasts out as an example. 

I have seen girls like that before and stopped thinking about them. It was not a compulsion for me to carry on thinking about her. But when I meditated, she did come up, and I wanted to in some way handle the situation and feelings with metaphysical tools. I wanted to finish with the energy rather than rehash it in my mind or suppress it. 

First thing I tried was seeing her 'as the One Infinite Creator'. I do this with everyone I have trouble with. This did not do much in terms of insight, but I did feel like it switched me on. Intuitively I felt more connected. 

But then I did the perfect thing for the 'balancing' of such emotions. As talked about by the Law of One (session 5!). As I have mentioned with other situations in my life. Doing a contemplation that involves two sides of an emotion. The emotion and its opposite. 

Which was VERY insightful. Before when I did it it was in relation to someone I know in real life. A family member. This was completely different emotions though, because it is someone I don't know at all. The first thing I did was incredibly idealise and 'love' this woman. The second thing I did, was the opposite of that emotion. It was to, as best I could, demonise the girl as 'trash' in my mind. To escalate the opposite emotion. 

I found that the results of this exercise was counter intuitive. The escalation of the loving emotions lead to a kind of manipulative simpiness. I realised the 'love' was not unconditional. It kind of expected something in return. It is a shame I can't remember that in greater detail. 

The escalation of the anger and condescension lead to an examination of the girls likely behaviours. "She probably has a hundred men in her DM's" and all sorts of thoughts about her carnal side, like, the carnality that she expresses from herself, not me towards her. Based on other similar girls I have actually talked to. But this then lead to an easy going and accepting... "Of course she doesn't want to talk to me and would be suspicious of me!" 

I would say that is a win. There is a little more contemplation on this, but now I am not interested in her. The emotion/ fascination seems to have been genuinely released. I think the exercise is effective.

What was interesting, and what leads in a far darker direction is that I did actually comment on her page. I looked for something interesting I could say and found a comment on music, what chords are interesting, and suggested an unusual and nice sounding chord that I have liked using. Then I liked one other of her tweets. 

She said something king of condescending and deleted it. Then she pinned the tweet I liked to the top of her twitter (and did not respond when I went back and commented on that one. I deleted them both after that). But interestingly, after the tweet response to her chords question, I got a strong, left ear ringing. Which from the Law of One tends to be a signal from the negative (session 44 or 45!). I have only experienced it three times in the left ear, in a really strong way, this is one of them, and each time from a woman. I have never experienced it from a man. I have only experienced the right ear in a really strong way, like sound completely hollows out and just a loud ringing. With a book I picked up. I have experienced low intensity of the same thing, both ears, many many more times, but those are harder to remember. 

Going around town today, getting on with my normal stuff. I do not think that women in general are more negatively polarised than men. I went in a shop today and two young girls were polite. Just polite, that's all I'm looking for. Not sheet ripping sex. In person though, I am kind of dorky and harmless, and I look quite good facially. Perhaps as a semi anonymous twitter poster it is not the same. 

I have wondered a little recently, on a global level, at the polarity of women in general. There are so many workplaces I have gone into where the men have been nice and sympathetic, and the women have been nothing but nasty. Gossiping. Socially excluding etc. It has got to the point where assuming positive polarity on their behalfs is less wise in general to my perception.  

But now, to the Law of One quote that actually 'squares all the circles' so to speak. It's the kind of thing you can read but only when you re- read the entire book and it hits the right note does it land:

Questioner: Thank you. Can you give me examples of catalytic action to produce learning under each of the following headings from the last session we had… Can you give me an example of the self unmanifested producing learning catalyst?

Ra: I am Ra. We observed your interest in the catalyst of pain. This experience is most common among your entities. The pain may be of the physical complex. More often it is of the mental and emotional complex. In some few cases the pain is spiritual in complex-nature. This creates a potential for learning. The lessons to be learned vary. Almost always these lessons include patience, tolerance, and the ability for the light touch.

Very often the catalyst for emotional pain, whether it be the death of the physical complex of one other-self which is loved or some other seeming loss, will simply result in the opposite, in a bitterness, an impatience, a souring. This is catalyst which has gone awry. In these cases, then, there will be additional catalyst provided to offer the unmanifested self further opportunities for discovering the self as all-sufficient Creator containing all that there is and full of joy.

This is a hard line to hold but it sets the direction. It answers a question that I have had for a while about what to do with those emotions and feelings. The lack of female company/ young women/ potential partners in general, and sex as a part of that. Is causing an emotional pain.

But this is the direction. To discover the self as all sufficient Creator containing all that there is and full of joy. 

As I have said before, thinking through what that actually means, that we are all the Creator. Is not something I believe I can easily explain. But perhaps, if I were to write an erotic story with women in it, I am able to quite well approximate that female sweet energy. When I have read it back, I have been surprised. I can imagine myself as a young woman. 

We are all things. So I am the both the nicest and most vicious person. Ruthless and sensitive. Strong and weak. Contain all those polarities. Every women I know, no matter how prim and proper, also has both those polarities.  

The point is though that the direction is to be legitimately happy in my life without female company of that kind. To be self sufficient and full of joy. This brings huge insight and a potential solution to the problem.   

General human design transit thoughts. Part 1.

So, me noticing general trends in the recent transits, and some of my thoughts behind this. This post is very twitter heavy I realise. 

About two weeks ago. Sun in gate 44, Earth in gate 24. 

Ah, I thought if I left this too long I might forget details and I have. So I simply scrolled back to find it. Joel Webbon, I don't know who that is. Made a comment that when he hears women talking to him in a nagging way. He will just comment the kind of pie he wants them to cook. So "Apple". 

This is following on from the Allie Beth Stuckey discussion of a bit earlier. But anyway, following on from that were several other things on this theme and responding to this theme. Lana Rhodes commenting that she wants to get the government to delete previous of her work in 'explicit imagery'. Because government power exists to serve female whims obviously. Also, there was something going around the internet about a woman whose boyfriend wanted her to get an abortion and she refused so he killed her. 

This, an discussions that followed on in response to it. Like a Rollo post. All brought up the same theme that aligns with the 44-24. I think that this is where the theme of 'forgiveness without contrition' sits. Or forgiveness in general. 

There are two sides of the discussion. One is the gate 44, which is a splenic gate. This talks about our ancestral memory. From this gate, you never forgive anything because you evaluate things carefully based upon whether they keep you safe, and in relation to social groupings. Venus just crossed my natal unconscious Pluto in gate 44. Giving me a bit of a push on that part of my energy! This red pill MGTOW stuff is right there in my chart! You don't forgive someone if you are worried they might kill you if you don't defend yourself.

Then on the other side of that is the gate 24. Which receives the information from the gate 61. It is called the returning. It is the psychological and mystical process. The idea of repeating cycles. When people say they repeat cycles for karmic reasons or repeat relationship problems for psychological reasons. 

In this gate is where we can take down those repetitive issues within ourselves and this is the line that can often reframe previous struggles as coming from our own behaviours. This is one of the only lines where there is some legitimacy to forgiveness without contrition. Or at least, letting go of the ideas surrounding whatever issue.

As an example, an insight might be that you never really love the girl you were obsessed with. But you lusted after her. Like, you might be trying to name a virtue of hers but it just comes down to sex. Then if you think that perhaps she knew this on some level, you don't feel so angry that it all went south. 

She is still morally responsible for her behaviour and you are not necessarily safe (gate 44) for an open stated forgiveness. But this gate 24 insight does start to chip away, especially at the bits of the problem that weren't actually to do with the other person.

But what does this have to do with all those tweets about women and how Christianity relates to that?

I believe, my interpretation there, from the theory. Is pretty much the truth. Outward statements of forgiveness are not usually necessary but the entire thing happens between those two polls. Safety (44), and personal insight (24). 

What we actually experienced though, was not any real insight into that. But the conditioning that exists in these places. Which was people aggressively trying to push the Paulian doctrine of salvation through faith.  

There was also the gates 2 and 1, and then the gates 43-23 that I will go through in another blog. 

The coming times. Q thoughts.

Second blog in one day. It is a bit of a weird day today. As stated with crazy sleep pattern and other things going on. 

Previously, in a blog before my last one. I mentioned that something that might be of interest is the idea that all this Q stuff might actually happen. Meaning A) The arrest of some deep state perpetrators B) The revealing of a universe a lot of people have not previously suspected. Aliens, technology etc. C) A situation where we ourselves live in this new reality. (Increased health, lifespan, global wealth etc.)

It was only a paragraph but I put forward some queries as to how this will go down. To me the question is not "if" this will happen. But "when". And also, what form it will take? Will it all happen at once or in stages over decades? 

But, what of the grudges we hold then? What of all the people we have not gotten on with, as truth seekers perhaps that were ostracised by others as an example? Is it going to be that the new reality will be so alien that all the grudges will belong to an old world. The people that have got on their left wing, pro vax soapbox, the issue is just forgotten about because it has no references in this new world?

This is the attitude that a lot of the Q people take. Q has said direction that the normies will need the care of the truth tellers to process having been lied to all this time. Indicating a kind of "forgiveness of past sins", policy? 

The other option is that of course those issues will not be forgiven but that grudges should be closely held. Just spitballing arguments on this side quickly. Firstly, the left wing lunatics never listened to the truth tellers anyway. They love their TV and their utter obedience to authority. So surely the TV will tell them the new reality? Another would be that it assumes a great deal that these brainwashed people will show some sort of humility in this situation. But people don't admit when they are wrong easily. They might try and weasel out of admitting what their previous perspectives were, rewriting history; and it might be kinder to bring them a bit of consequence so that they are somewhat accountable for their behaviour.

In the grand scheme of things this might be the lesson they are learning. To utterly commit to something in behaviour, and admit they are wrong. Because a lot of them don't do that. 

My thoughts on this though are simply to suggest a reframe.

Firstly. One of the things that has often seemed obvious to me. Is that if astrology is real. Then the astrological transits relate to both events on the global stage. Also events in our personal life. That there is a kind of synergy between the two. 

At the moment, Mercury has just gone retrograde and conjunct Mars. Things have happened in my personal life. But they are also happening on the world stage with Mercury (media) and Mars (masculine aggression). Being this Trump and the BBC argument. 

As well as that, even when the link to transits isn't so clean this might still be the case. The things happening globally are reflected in our lives. Pretty directly sometimes I think. In the lockdown for instance. There were broadly pro vax and anti vax people. Globally these were represented by two camps roughly stated. The globalist media being pro vax. The conspiracy theorists and other independent thinkers being anti vax. It reflected on the world stage. Those same dynamics precisely replicated in peoples personal lives. 

The way I see it is that the left, on a global level, but also on the personal although I am not seeing that. Nevertheless, the left is suffering consequences in a way that simply hasn't been the case previously. Trump is bringing in the National Guard and arresting anti fa. Deporting migrants. The BBC, due to a very feminine commitment to error, will probably be sued for $1 billion. With possibly a link to larger election interference issues from the UK. Those involved in the Russia Gate issue are getting Grand Jury Subpoenas. 

The era of BLM being able to ransack and burn down an entire town and escaping any accountability due to some nebulous reference to 'the moral highground', are over. While left wing people in real life, there should be some pressure starting to form on them as well. This strange belief that the left have that if they do things it is not as serious as when their opponent does. 

Stefan Molyneux has mentioned in passing that this might be a real moral issue for some people. Because their believed claim to virtue through leftism. That of being the underdog and victim. Will be evaporated, and they might realise that they were never virtuous! Or at least a large part of their lives that they outsourced to others to do their thinking and virtue for them, was not in fact that. 

This is, I think, the answer to the dichotomy I brought up earlier. When I casually imagine an ideal future. Like I do sometimes in that between waking and sleeping state as I wake up and my conscious mind is not yet engaged enough to quash this line of thinking. I imagine people around me having done well. People that were rabid leftists living in mansions and being basically unchanged from their current personality. 

But that, is ridiculous. It is a narcissistic kind of thought, that assumes a way that the world works that is simply not the case. It would be a godlike power to ignore reality as much as to create that situation. The incredible grandiose warmth of a lot of those people. Will likely be punctured. They will be different people. 

There is only so much shock that people can absorb before it effects them. Changes their personality. If it comes out the vax was quite dangerous. If the UK left wing government and BBC meets such legal pressure from the Americans that it ceases to exist. Opposing the previous pattern in life that the left is always dominant in a tribal sense. If the revealing of aliens reveals facts that are utterly terrifying. The people we once knew, the ones that had no truth telling ahead of time to buffer them. They will be different people. 

Which is an utterly unpredictable set of conditions. Which is why the question of how these things will be handled in the future cannot be answered at the moment.  

Alcohol. Lustful thoughts.

So I need to correct something I said yesterday. I said that I had come off caffeine but was fine with alcohol. No that's stupid. Especially with weight loss. I am not the kind of person that can casually engage with something. In my head, if there is a rule then it is a rule. Alcohol is in the on position or in the off position. I thought that I should be having wine on Sundays with a kind of make shift communion I do (Since the bible and Jesus said wine, and I started to get tired of grape juice). So if I'm having wine, then all other alcohol is fine. 

This, is not correct, I have decided. I have had four beers and my sleep pattern is a bit messed up at the moment. As in, I stayed up all night. But on balance I have to stop the beer and the wine. I have to just stop alcohol, so will be fully doing session 32.1 now, or at least the bit about the not having harsh chemicals. The appreciation bit following isn't massively relevant at the moment. 

This last section of having drunk is ending on a sour note, It did not get me drunk at all. I wasn't aware that it had any effect consciously. But my temper is just a bit frayed in a bad way. I realise, as my health increases, I will gravitate to handling things of more pressure, and my emotions will tend to become more coherent with clarity. Not having alcohol massively reduces the possibility that I will be unbalanced like I am at the moment, with the chemical also generally disturbing my balance. 

Anyway, this is another thing that has struck me. Another thing that has rolled into the recent self improvement thoughts I have been expressing:

This girl has become more well known by the algorithm for posting that she voted for the Muslim Democrat candidate in New York. After statistics based on that, how many young women voted Democrat in that election. We had, what I think, was an expression from Sun in gate 1 and Uranus in gate 8. That was, that there was suddenly a discussion on twitter about whether women should (be allowed to) vote. 

I am getting to a point here. 

About a week ago, the algorithm, for some reason, decided to show me the most stupid female posts on X that I have ever seen. I started bookmarking them and they were absolute poison. Feminist leaning. This casual bookmarking activity became many. Far more than I would have been able to use for a blog I was creating in my head. 

Anyway, I didn't write that blog. The time had passed for when I was likely to write it. So when I went through my bookmarks I deleted them all. But just now I found a tweet. It wasn't a truly stupid one. But it was one that I think demonstrates a part of the problem:

The problem here is that this is a nothing comment. What impact on any actual reality does it make that this woman thinks anyone should behave in any precise way. Let alone, being able to order what would be basically the entirety of creation. 

Are there any practical barriers to this womans stated ideal agenda? Are there people living in poverty? Or those that have to dampen their ideals in order to find a viable partner and not waste their time shooting out of their league?

There are a lot of very interesting tweets from women. I just logged on to X now and they were coincidentally fire. But, there are times when the same brain numbing opinions are expressed over and over again. When women argue against some red pill points. It doesn't matter how many times the womens simplistic viewpoints are disproved. They just repeat them without changing anything. 

What I am coming to, the emotional nub of the situation for me is this. The attractive nature of the first pic was highlighted for a reason. It feels to me, and it is, I think, practically. That a woman like that, and from the way a lot of women have treated me. Seemingly most women of that kind of age and attractiveness (going right back to when I was about that age). Have such a higher status than me that they might as well be royalty. 

It's just something to think about. Something to consider. I do not have a job at the moment and I have not progressed in a career as I should have as a guy my age, due to health reasons. Even if I was to socialise with women and possibly cold approach. When the girl asks something like 'what do you do?' I can already feel myself sink inwardly.  If I was to approach a girl that was drastically less attractive than that for whatever reason she was less attractive, including age. She would still expect me to have that kind of thing together. Often older women have this idea they are going to meet the perfect provider like guy, like happens in the movies. 

It is just something to generally consider. But also something I have been realising. Is that I never quite know what to do with that 'desire' within myself. Since it does not have an outlet in the world. I suppose, I am going to the gym, and I hope to have the kind of body that provides women with the excitement that a guy gets from looking at the photo above. 

One of the avenues of thought I have considered in the past, is that if I get an image like that. I bookmark it or save it and return to it. To appreciate the beauty and perhaps to create fictional stories of an erotic nature. To stimulate imagination about who the woman 'might' be ideally!

But, I think, it is way more positive to not do so. To delete all those bookmarks. The ultimate truth for a guy on one of these kinds of places like X. Is that you feel positively towards her. But she does not feel positively towards you. Because she has a billion other men telling her all that. I'm not even telling her all that. 

It is part of the issue that creates this feel of women like that, and in general, as inaccessible, and with a 'royalty' like aura. 

The ultimate truth it appears to me, of what to do in a positively polarised sense, with those kind of desires and thoughts. Is just to ignore them. OK, there is a hot girl. Scroll past. Because the hot girl, doesn't acknowledge my existence. She doesn't care that I exist. And that instinct I am getting to engage with her is not suited to the modern internet age.  

Another odds and ends post.

I don't know if the reader has been following some things I have generally discussed on here. Personal updates. But at the moment, it is all coming together well for me here. Thus I wanted to do an odds and ends post. Talk about things I generally think are interesting and would want to talk about, but since I am in a bit of a "transition" place in my life at the moment, have not put in the full energy to make a post about said subject separately. 

I said that I had a medical issue, an ongoing medical issue, that was making my life difficult and that I was trying to treat with diet. Namely, I was trying to treat myself with chocolate/ caffeine, that stimulated my digestive system. I was hoping that improving my diet in concert with this was going to work. 

HOWEVER, since my eye issue, I have discovered that using the medication for this stomach issue is far better. Due in part to overwhelm. Once I stopped having the chocolate, I realised the chocolate was also causing the problem. Meaning, coming off chocolate completely has solved said problem. My digestion is now OK without the addition of caffeine. 

This means, without this digestion problem, and with the added tool of medication if I need it. I can go to the gym. Oh my god I love the gym, and health problems that I have had in this life has often stopped me going. But it is not stopping me going anymore. 

With that addition. I can also change my diet. Since I have a bit of hope I can lose weight. Before I go to any complex formulas like calorie counting I am doing the basics. Cut out cakes and crisps, decaf, gluten free oatmilk lattes. My high when I started weight loss was 87.7kg. My target is 75 kg. My success, when I first started getting into weight loss was 81kg. My baseline when no real effort was given was 84kg. And my current is 86kg.   

But, I have not been able to really have a good go at it without being able to do regular gym and I am hoping I can continue gym every other day for a month or longer. 

This was all, I'm sure not that interesting personal updates. But it all has an impact on the kind of thing I talk about here. I fundamentally talk about using these different spiritual tools. Meditation, dream interpretation, the Law of One, the Human Design and others, for personal growth. 

Benefit of the gym.

The gym is fitting into my personal understanding of these things. Of the great path that we all travel to some extent as I understand it. What I have noticed previously is doing exercise, going to the gym, has allowed me to look at the negative things in my life that were previously hidden. 

The way these highly homogenised new age spirituality tends to look at things is that it assumes the person reading is in the place of general negative thinking. Then it tries to counsel things such as positive thinking or visualisation. 

For me, this is not the way to moving forward, to 'evolution' so to speak. For me, my default is kind of positive. My baseline is an incredibly positive state to the extent that I like to, (when I remember to!) Go on one youtube per day on the topic of 'narcissism'. Simply because, I am so reliably conditioned away from any kind of negative thinking, I need these reminders. 

I will give an example from a while back to illustrate this. When I left my last job, I did not think about it much, there was just a bunch of stuff that happened. However, after a good gym session, I realised that someone, a manager from another team, had sat next to me and listened to everything I was doing, in order to cast my behaviours in the most negative light. (Often offering to help but always taking the most negative interpretation of my actions.)

My manager at the time had my back. But I had not noticed this until I had gone to the gym. Several years after I had left. I figure it is something to do with not feeling like you can take on the confrontation. Me subconsciously calculating that I could not stand up to the group. But once I went to the gym and exercised that anxiety out, that insight was suddenly revealed to me.

This happens a lot. It feels like it could be an entire process. When I am wondering about some bad thing that happened. For instance, a friend of mine committed suicide a few years ago. To see the real negativity involved takes this level of exercise. 

Another thing that happens is just generally wanting to see people in a positive light. Perhaps because they are sweet in some way. A lot of young, attractive, women have this general protection that exists in the minds of people in general.

I suspect, that there are layers to this. An insight that leads to a general insight that certain people did not like me, on the following gym session might lead to an even deeper insight in this regard. So this is a powerful aid to the "great work" as the Law of One called it. 

One ring to rule them all. 

I am reading Lord of the Rings. Thinking through what the ring could symbolise. It is an interesting book to read and I had quite a lot of "synchronicity" so to speak, to get me there. 

Not much to say here. Stefan Molyneux said in his last podcast on this with Duke Pesta, that the ring might be propaganda and I might eventually agree with that. 

I have been thinking it could be a few different things though. It is made of pure gold as one. That could represent the corruption possible through wealth. When the ability to create value, takes that wealth and turns it to corruption making a person very hard to oppose. 

It is also a 'hole', a ring. Which could represent female reproductive organs. Also it is what is worn on the finger in marriage. This could mean the incredible power that women have when casual sex is a possibility. 

They pretty much run everything. Between money and that kind of female power that also relates to marriage, that is a lot. 

But my ideas on it are not yet complete. If I do finally decide on something it has to fit with every little detail about the ring. The fact it turns people invisible. The fact that it talks to people 'in their own voice' and tells them they will be the first ones to use the rings power for good. The fact that it takes the user into a different dimension of sorts. The fact that it allows you to understand languages you didn't previously understand when you are there. But importantly, the reason Tom Bombadil, Faramir, and to an extent Sam, were immune to the ring. As well as the Elves rings not being corrupted.

General Law of One thoughts. 

My big issue a while back was not being able to come off caffeine hence not being able to do session 32.1. This has changed now. I do drink alcohol. But not that often, and definitely even less when it might interfere with my gym session. But chocolate was always something that screwed me up quite bad. Screwed me up in a mental way and stops me sleeping after a while. I am very glad I have come off it. 

I had tried to follow Jades ideas previously, and had come away from it. Feeling that if I did affirmations to the Creator while tidying it was kind of maddening. I found another solution. After the gym I can just get on with tidying with no problem. I just feel good and hence 'just do it'. 

Healing:

I have mentioned my many attempts and issues with energy healing. Feeling previously that when I did it I felt like I was kind of 'dying inside'. I feel that not masturbating, the male sex drive, offers an alternative to this. I.e. even if I am healing if I have that energy there I will still feel alive. 

It is not healthy to not masturbate. I did manage 13 days. But it is not something that I've ever been able to do. It is also possibly not healthy. At the moment, as long as I have not masturbated for three days I will consider doing energy healing and I prioritise meditation in a big way. Because, spiritual teachings is very primary for me I believe on a deeper level. Way moreso than healing.  

The Human Design:

I have been following the transits recently. I had distinct experiences and perceptions that related to the 44-24, the 1-2, with the 1-8 channel being defined through Uranus, and the 43-23. These were big noticeable changes. But I am also at the end of this blog so I won't go into them now.  

Q stuff. 

A few interesting Q posts and other interesting things recently. What I also want to follow up on is reflections on the emotional implications on such big changes in our lives coming. I have had dreams specifically to this. Is it that all is forgiven because the world will transition so strongly? Or is it that we have the right to our feelings and it is good to hold people accountable to their previous behaviour? 

Conclusion.

As I said previously, I am so happy recently that it is becoming less obvious to me why I would blog at all. Not that blogging is bad at all. But these, and more, are some of the things going through my mind at the moment.  

I do imagine over the long term as well, things like consistent exercise will change my personality at what seems like a very core level. But we will have to wait and see. Perhaps this change would lead to a different output.  

The eye of the beholder.

I wrote a previous post saying that I would not be blogging anymore. It didn't take. The thoughts in my mind came together and simply demanded expression. 

What were those thoughts? Well, they seemed powerful at the time. I remember them just. But I also feel they are less important now.

I talked about a youtube series on the Law of One here previously. One the basis of that I started doing a kind of chant when I was tidying/ cleaning etc. I started saying things like 'As I tidy this up, I am honouring the One Infinite Creator'. 

It was not me. It required a lot of energy and just seemed a bit mad to me even though it was talked about in the Law of One. It had started to work. I had started to look forward to that period in my day as a legitimate spiritual practice. 

But, it also became something that was weird and I didn't like. A kind of 'repulsion of the magnet' so to speak. I prefer to just tidy my space from the perspective of just practically doing it. Not creating a ritual around it.

It made me think about something from a new perspective. I checked out that youtube channel with its spiritual teachings because it was there and I am always looking for ways to kind of move forward. I found it to be interesting partly because the woman reading it had a lot of perspectives on it. That she read it and emphasized parts of the text that I just skim over. Sort of how two people might watch the same movie and one remembers the action and another remembers the character development. 

But perhaps, that's not the point? Perhaps the additional knowledge is not useful to me and perhaps, everyone that reads the Law of One interprets it in their own way and... That's the point?

For me, I would skim over normally the parts like 'make a ritual of your tidying'. Because it is not relevant to me? 

This is what I am going with at the moment. It makes sense.  

An exploration of left wing types of people.

I am definitely questioning the value of blogging and making youtube videos. In my most recent medical issue, to recover from the shock. I have been listening to a lot of music. I have been low on energy and soberly reflecting on life. 

I have been motivated to continue my youtube for about three reasons: 1) The Law of One quote; 'Forget you the counting'. In relation to this 2) The fact that the Law of One group themselves started off in obscurity. Just recording the sessions. Only later was this published in a book 3) The fact that I have the free time and can do this stuff as a hobby. Also, to settle things like boredom and loneliness. 

But, I have to imagine there is a limit to this. I have to imagine that at some point the market. One of the fairly objective measures of value. Has valued my output as too low for me to practically justify continuing. 

Another set of thoughts I have though, that kind of indirectly relates. Is the intersection and reflection on two elements. 1) That the world and everyone I am surrounded with, even digitally, is very left wing and has a very determined dislike of me based on only that; and 2) That it looks like to me, that some sort of Q thing is about to happen. 

The tactic of the left of claiming victimhood and then doing all sorts of criminal things under that cover is actually meeting some consequence lately it seems to me. I thought SNAP being cancelled in America would never take. In my life so far on this earth, the people that vociferously claim victimhood, and no doubt a small percentage of those are legitimate victims. Have never had something just cancelled like this in the Western world. 

I think, on a global level. This power dynamic shift is pretty significant. It's like knowing someone that falsely claims some sort of illness your whole life and then a couple of your friends suddenly stop enabling this person. 

It suggests, that the common left wing bias of the normies in society is starting to meet friction. Even though these people are unchanging. They go on twitter/ reddit and wherever every day with the most incorrect takes but refuse to hear anything else. They just repeat them the next day. But while they have been doing that, the ground underneath their feet has been shifting. I know the difference between 2019 Trump and this Trump. I know that John Bolton has been arrested and the significance of US- Aid. But these people do not. 

I have had a lot of people in my life. A LOT. Articulate a lot of unpleasantness towards me for other than left wing views. I mentioned that a girl I had known had killed herself and she didn't like my non left wing views. She disliked them so much in fact that she kind of moved very hard towards friendships with people (family even!) with left wing views that did not like me. I was her strongest supporter though. I knew how to keep her in a mentally good place. This choice from her was not a good one from my perception. 

The consequences for people engaging in left wing habits/ friendships/ thoughts can be STEEP. These consequences do not seem to motivate change. 

It has been the revealed motivation I think behind a lot of bullying. I was even talking to someone on reddit the other day that was being extremely friendly until he realised I was not the person he thought he was talking to. He thought I was someone else he was talking with. It was interesting. Because for a few minutes I felt the normal connection that he would reserve for left wing people. He stopped completely talking to me when he realised who I am. Didn't even finish off the conversation. I had been very polite talking to him since it was a novelty talking to someone not sullen and hostile over reddit. 

I wonder how many interactions like that have been so motivated? How many people that WOULD have been nice and normal and pleasant; but chose not to for this reason. It is a very invisible thing. 

I do directly interact with left wing people and tell them they are wrong. Which I did on reddit recently. It usually starts with something pretty nondescript. Like this is the purely factual thing that I think relates to what someone posted. Just the facts. No emotion. No anything. 

But then I am met with just an unbelievably stupid response. It's because left wing people have all these delusions. Reddit is a place of a kind of agreed mass delusion. You state reality, that I wouldn't predict could be easily be denied and then they're like "No, this thing which is completely ridiculous and makes no sense is reality." Then I'm like... Wait what? No, this is why that's crazy. Do I ask questions about their worldview?

I will show what I mean in relation to the SNAP conversation. They say a federal judge agreed that SNAP benefits should be paid. I said that I saw a Trump truth social that said that he believed it could not be done legally and so had written to the court to ask them how it could be done legally. 

So what Trump is saying is that it can't be done legally basically. They didn't like this and they said to me. On top of quite a few comments like 'YoU sRe StUpId". Not much more than that and I find the left genuinely think the conversation can move on from a point they don't like upon that put down. They said that of course it can be done legally. It's just the way it generally happens in government. 

So many problems with this but the biggest one is it is a position of pure arrogance. Donald Trumps opposition is not small. It is well funded. He has been targeted by lawfare many times. If there was such an easy response to Trumps query, then the court would say so. They would also leak it to the media if they were ignored. It would be an absolute propaganda win for the Democrats. 

At the moment the left is going with 'A judge has ordered Trump to pay SNAP so he has to pay it'. In typical left wing fashion they haven't been acknowledging any nuance.  

The larger point is that the people that are engaged at this level of judiciary and politics are high IQ, the effective ones, and have decades of experience. There are MANY of these people. Highly paid. Highly connected. The general knowledge of a redditor is... just that.

But there are loads of redditors and left wing people in general, and they all uniformly seem to believe this. That their opinion, which I don't know where it comes from. Has some sort of seniority over what all these very capable people have put together. 

There have been rumblings of a Q nature. Some that are more interesting than I have heard thus far. If it were to happen that events did work out to shrink the left and put power in a more productive configuration. Meritocracy and a lot more right wing people. The disproving of the COVID narrative. I wonder if my life would improve and I would be somewhat vindicated at this time. If that were the case. The sacrifice of all friendships and most socialising, and even of a lot of other benefits. I would hope the positive change would be proportionate to that.

And no, I don't believe in forgiveness for these people. A lot of them have spent decades bullying everyone in their lives that falls out of conformation with left wing beliefs. Their first motivation. That of the leftist... Envy. With any luck it will be the hell they live in when meritocracy is restored and they are left to contemplate their own... infinite... mediocrity. Because who else but a mediocre person would believe those things?