Powerful Insights.

Had an extremely powerful insight. Extremely powerful. But also, one that distressingly feels as though it decreases my actual power and clarity in the world. But the world is this deeply unpredictable and magical thing.

I will go into my insight, what I think it generally means, and then I will fit my insight into my prevailing model. Which is built on the Human Design Chart. And some ideas I have about it's practical usage. 

Part of the questioning I have had for a while. One of the things just subtly working on me. Is that when I was younger. There was something, some energy, as to how things seemed to be going well. I have many times wondered what is now missing. This was in the people I met. But also, my energy being in a good place to be inspired towards music. 

I think I might have found what that thing is. It is reading up on astrology. Studying astrology. I have about ten Liz Greene books. The trouble is, when I used to read them, when I was first into astrology. I cannot remember a single thing from having read said books. It is likely that while reading them I had insights. But, I cannot recall them now. I do not remember anything about these books. So obviously, it is something that seems to serve no practical purpose. And something that it is logical I should get it out of my life. 

But no! I read a bit of Liz Greenes most recent book. On Jupiter. My life force returned in a way that I have not felt for a while and I went to playing my guitar. Aggressively! Determinedly. More than the scales I usually play.

I am more mature now. My physical health is better so I am less anxious. I have considered the value of culture and philosophy in a way that I didn't understand before. So I get how the astrology books are interesting. To talk about culture and mythology. Still though, the reason they are positive is for a reason that is not rational. A returning and increased power of my life force. Including even potentially synchronicities and other connected life things.

It also makes me think of something to do with the Law of One. In the Law of One book 4 perhaps, or perhaps late in book 3. There is a point made that people are tuned differently in relation to what they find interesting. So, people are either interested in the tarot, astrology, or the Kabbalah. Of course, the Law of One book 4 does discuss the tarot. And there is a feel with the Law of One book of engaging with that system of mythology/ symbology. 

And there is a difference to me with the tarot and astrology. Tarot has always felt as though it is an energy that engaged with others, that feels things are a certain way. Whereas astrology. Feels like it is tuning and improving the self. Astrology, to me, resonates more with the kind of insight that if you feel happy enough. Taking revenge on others is not necessary. Because the priority is yourself. 

The Human Design bridges/ combines each of these three systems. Astrology, tarot and the Kaballah. So even tarot insights might lead to further transferable insights. But the tarot has a different feel to it. And so, it might be that I stop reading the Law of One book 4. It might not be. I am not sure. 

But the journey of astrology is distinct and, for me, it is a lot more humble. Jupiter is one planet. There is so much information. With each point in the human design chart. It sits on a centre, that might be defined or undefined. It sits on a channel. It has an opposite in the I ching. That I ching is in an archetypal journey with a hexagram before and after it. It has a specific line. But also, it is highlighted by a specific planet. 

Learning the ins and outs of one single planet just seems like too much of a tiny bit of information to be working on. But, it feels good. It brings powerful insights. So even if it feels like that, perhaps it is in fact, the way,.  

The overall insight.

It is lucky, for me. That if I don't want to write a blog in a day, I just don't write one. My illness has taken a lot from me. But I do have a lot of free time. And I can spend most of the day in bed if I want (or have to!). But the fact that if I don't have anything to say, means I don't write. Means I don't have to be careful with my ideas. I would normally write this bit on another blog if I did have such a concern. 

I have a model I have worked on. In relation to the human design chart.

A lot of my thoughts on the human design chart has in some way correlated with Christian mythology. For instance, the cross of Christian mythology often feels to me like 'The incarnation cross' in the human design. 

But another idea of mine that relates to the human design chart is lightly correlated with 'the trinity'. 

Firstly, let us start with the concept from the Law of One, that people are either Wisdom. Power, or Love. 

I have taken that to mean that we have a fundamental thing that we are. So for me it is Wisdom. Then our North Nodes are the other two elements. So for me it is Love (Conscious North Node) and Power (Unconscious North Node)

This is what it is for me:

Incarnation cross. The Left Angle Cross of Refinement:- Wisdom. 

Conscious North Node: Love:- Gate 25.6. This basically correlates to meditation. If I do meditation this energy will be improved. And philosophy in general. Love of course is polarity on this particular density/ planet. 

Unconscious North Node: Power:- Gate 21.2. The reading of this is "Might is Right:- Powerful and Extreme reaction. Here the severest action will be most successful". For me. This is to do with music, I believe. It is a hard push to push forward with music. Part of this is because a lot of what I have to say with music. The way music simply summarises the direct truth of an emotional situation. Requires a bit of pushing. 

There is much to say about how this plays out, I have points connected to both of these. 51.1 and 45.4. There is interesting things to say about detriments here. But all that is not for now.  

But to the central point. The astrology.

I had assumed the incarnation cross is basically unchangeable. We do kind of end up doing our incarnation cross. It is just kind of relentless like that. Whatever social or personal situation we are in. The incarnation cross will work out. It is an energy that is always. Day in and day out. Doing its thing. 

I assumed it was kind of set. Kind of unchangeable. That my particular set of wisdom is tied to the Christian mythology. And to prayer.

But, I realised with this astrology insight, that it is more than that. There are behaviours attached to each thing. The way to move forward fastest I believe is the thing that your incarnation cross is doing (although we rarely get good insights here and spend a long time groping about in the dark!) I think, of all the points that might be effected by this. The astrology insight effects my wisdom. Effects the incarnation cross. 

I have more I am thinking. More to say. How it all fits in with the rest of the chart. How it is all practically applicable. But I have run out of the energy to articulate any further for today.  

Healing from evil.-

I am going to offer my opinion on something I am not qualified to talk about. But, I am not going to bother the girl that posted about it. This is just some general thoughts I have on healing and the way the conscious and subconscious mind work in general. 

I don't think X notifies someone when their post is "embedded" in a blog post. But it might do:

https://x.com/SamanthaTaghoy/status/2026364347115504075

This is a damn long post. It will not be necessary to read it all in depth to understand what I then say about it. Because I will summarise it's substance:

Post 1: 

Post 2:

Post 3:

Post 4:

 

Post 5:

 

A deep and painful part of existence. 

Horrors that most don't know exist and most can't imagine. Most of the population simply ignores the idea that anything like this is possible or happens. 

I was thinking here about what "healing" may entail in this example. I have had this idea for a while. That the subconscious mind is perfect in a sense, and it knows how to do the healing. 

That the goal then, in healing, especially when not really "healing", but having to remain alert and conscious. Is to push a lot of the pain into the subconscious, and then slowly bring elements to the conscious so that they can be processed. 

These are the steps in such a healing:

A) Step 1: The first step is to have faith in a high power. I have found this through the Law of One. There are many points to this. But part of this is prayer and a connection to higher positive entities. 

The reason for this, is of course many layered and specific to each persons psychology. But one of the benefits is that with regular prayer. A person gains protection from "something". The minds of the terrestrial and otherwise entities that would seek and send evil to people in general. 

B) Step 2: The focusing on what's good. 

Consider the Human Design Chart:

The focusing on the good is relevant, because one of the things that I am not sure is particularly good in psychology, is that it does not specifically do that. 

In this chart above. There are parts that are coloured in/ defined. There are also parts that are in white, they are undefined.

The parts that are in white, are not relevant for someone to engage in. They have no energy there. 

The problem with modern society is that it homogenises everything. The psychology of someone that has the solar plexus/ emotional centre defined. Perhaps with a link up into the throat. So this person NEEDS to express their emotions, to do otherwise would cause real pain. Is considered the same in modern psychology to someone who has an undefined emotional centre (as I do). Hence, does not need to engage in that kind of emotion.

Even knowing about this stuff. Staring at the chart for me. Has been enough to end extremely painful and compulsive emotional problems for me. I am emotionally undefined, (actually emotionally open). I have had times when emotional compulsions and connected problems. Where I have felt the emotion in the position of the solar plexus physically. Has ended by me being aware of the chart. 

C) Step 3: Alliance with the subconscious mind.

Through meditation partly. Keeping it under control. Bringing up what CAN be processed right now. But also, dream interpretation is good for this.

The Law of One mentioned that dreams are our higher self communicating with us. A problem so wide and malevolent in its scope I think, needs the direct feedback of the higher self. 

D) Step 4: Find meaning within this new set up. 

I will talk a little about my own situation and psychology. Which is nothing like this in its severity, but potentially something like this mechanically. 

But, like I talked about in a post dated 19th of February. There is a certain magic to finding out who we are and what we are here to do. A certain meaning that can perhaps be given even in these circumstances. But also, there are reliable habits that we can do pretty much every day as part of our 'path'. 

In the bible there is a phrase that the path is straight and narrow. Which, as I talked about in that other post. Means we are probably designed to do basically the same things every day. To choose a particular path and to go deeper and deeper on that. To maintain the same personal habits. 

Finding out what these are might be the solution given by "God" in a sense. To sort out even the most horrible problem like this. 

Summary:

My own experience that leads me to this, is that I have a medical situation. Which has effected my psychology. A lot of my life cannot be recalled easily and there was a huge sense of overwhelm. A lot of things are very confusing.  

It has meant that a lot of my life cannot be accessed through the traditional methods. I do not think things through and come to a solution like "Oh, because my mother said xyz to me as a child it lead to abc". Because my worst issue, is the illness. It is always first. And that cannot be analysed through such frameworks. 

It may be that this girl is doing exactly the thing that she is meant to be doing. Perhaps her straight and narrow path is fighting for justice. But a point here I wanted to mention. She has said that she cannot do the sexual abuse therapy. That it doesn't work for her. This could be a few things. A) It might be that she simply doesn't feel safe with the politics as it is and these things still happening. Which would be completely rational B) It could be that these things cannot be tackled head on. 

What I have talked about here, does not tackle things head on. It actually tackles things very slowly. After years of soft insights through meditation and dream interpretation. 

But if it is a workable healing formula. Perhaps it works. And that is quite good with a lack of alternatives.  

The "Inner Work".

This will be another personal post. I cannot, at the moment, produce thoughts and posts that "point the needle" in a specific direction. That discuss some sort of subject out there in the world. 

So this will be about my 'inner work'. And you are invited to read no further if that is not of interest to you. 

Inner work.

What I mean by inner work is that, as referred to in the Law of One. Although not quite like I am going ot talk about it. And as referred to in the everyday world even. The psychological world. How I would define "inner work" is the process of finding insight into yourself, into taking those sensations, memories, emotions, the substance of your life, and organising it for some use in relation to positive service to others purposes. 

So, an example might be... I have had xyz experiences with women. I go to therapy. Then I read about about women and talk to friends about them. Then I have a successful relationship. So the initial feelings of confusion and anger about the experiences with women is transmuted into something positive. 

But of course, that is a nice, clean, and (probably) unambiguously positive example. With no nuance. In real life, a lot of the inner work is taking things that are within us and just moving them, only a miniscule amount towards being somewhat more positive. Not all the way into a realised physical behaviour and change in your life. Just a bit more positive than it was before. It is also more messy than that in general. Generally the initial bad thing that caused a problem in the past. Branches out into a lot of areas not just one like this. 

But, this is the general principle. Take what is inside and manage it to produce a good result. The Law of One talks about a general guideline of 'accept thyself, know thyself, become the Creator'. 

What does that mean in practice? That means that all the crappy, resentful, angry, pathetic parts of ourselves. That these things are not just to think about mildly, then have a drink and forget about. But taking these parts of ourselves is the route to moving forward in a positive manner. 

Schizophrenic patterns. 

I originally had schizophrenic patterns of thinking. There was a physiological issue pushing this strongly. So I had no free will... Effectively. I sometimes think about times in my life when I have not appeared to have free will that I can identify. 

So there were two things I used in this place. A place where my mind was effectively not working properly. One was David Wilcock. Who only provided a certain amount of focus. The other, when I had difficult times with women. Was that I started listening to Stefan Molyneux. This was because I was heavily blue pilled at the time and needed some context for female behaviour. As I have stated in earlier blogs. I feel that red pill, with its more realistic take on female psychology. Can allow a guy to not be a burden to women by not having innaccurate ideas. (As an example, acknowledging women have a lot of options)

But also, another reason I went over to Stefan Molyneux. The world and its vastness. The relative isolation. My understanding of the negative polarity and conspiracy theory. I perceived this giant world and that I needed to 'fall behind' someone in a sense. Support someone. So that that person could push forward in cultural ways. 

The thinking is a little bit negatively polarised. Or, disciplined in a way that does not serve. Stefans world view is one that kind of dots all the i's and crosses all the t's. To listen to him regularly I can align my thinking along the lines of his world view and world meaning (Reason, leads to Virtue, leads to Happiness).

Collapse of structure.

But you can see how this all leads in a very structured direction. My feelings are kind of wrapped up in a bundle and placed behind these ideas. Funnelled into these concepts of meaning. 

But, now a lot of the initial catalyst has dissolved a bit. As my physical health has improved. Not all the way. But significantly. Dream interpretation is also a big positive for schizophrenic types of conditions (Ref Elinor Greenberg). So the initial catalyst that motivated me has now changed. 

Without an overarching viewpoint to put things together. What it leaves me with is a bunch of feeling that are unordered. To just sit with all of them until I can in some way order them myself. 

The Law of One does not provide a strong overarching idea. It does provide some. But it is all couched in the constant reminders that everything is a constant mystery. There are not so many real world grounded concepts in the Law of One. 

So each emotion has to be experienced and slowly placed into its meaning. 

Conclusion.

I feel that this is my Saturn- Neptune insight. The astrology is interesting at the moment. Saturn Neptune, and this is the eclipse month. Two eclipses. Saturn Neptune conjunct over my North Node. It is a small and subtle (Neptune) but powerful (Saturn) change. 

Reflecting on the left. Session 68.17

I said in a recent blog post, that I had fallen out with Stefan Molyneux's view of the world. He said, very explicitly. At about thirty minutes in FDR podcast 6303. If anyone of his followers chooses to "break bread" with evil doers/ the left, then they should not follow him. 

It was explicit, and passionate, and not something I needed to bring up again. But this morning, I woke up, and the subject is relevant to this morning. This exact subject turns up:

https://x.com/PWestoff/status/2027306364188389750

I am in a different position to Stefan. He has endured a lot. And the idea that he, with all his intelligence and power as an individual. A truly next dimensional intelligence. I think, according to his own ideas of life (heavily EvoPsych). It is unlikely he would have been able to avoid personal involvement in his philosophies and ideas. To have his emotional survival imperatives reflect into said philosophies. 

Stefan has had to endure all kinds of malevolent madness in this life. First his mother. That was a mad person, in and out of nut houses, that beat him. Then, as well as I'm sure many experiences that were not talked about. He had a lot of personal friends who tried to sabotage him due to his philosophies opposing their world view. And as he became famous. They became positively feral. Trying to shut down his speeches and such. Bomb threats. The works. 

Compromise: 

This was not my experience. I live in a sleepy, highly highly left wing town. I have known girls that look precisely like those in the dancing pic in the tweet. A lot of them look like that. With the crazy hair. The somewhat childish lack of seriousness even once they are "adults". The same body language. 

I also have a mother. Who is a nurse. Who is a casually left wing sort of individual. With the Boomer more casual left. They do not have a good grip on what the modern left have become. They do not have a good grip on modern woman psychology. The amount of degeneracy. That might have been growing in the 70's and 80's, but was nowhere near where it is now. The violence the modern left is willing to engage in was not understood by them, Life was simpler for them.

Another individual these sorts of thoughts refer to, in my view. Is someone like Carla Rueckert. Someone that the Law of One contact themselves stated was doing extremely well in her spiritual practice. In her Union with the Creator. But that was left wing. 

Discerning that the left is in fact evil. In it's true form. Is beyond the scope of this article. But what I am hoping to explain here is that the left is made up of two types of individuals. Those who, are somewhat motivated by it's more negative features. And those who, are simply not that aware of them, but whom remain good people. I would say that this quote in the Law of One explains this position partly.  

Questioner: I am interested in how the first distortion applies to the negatively polarized entity misplacing the mind/body/spirit complex. Why is the negatively polarized entity followed to the place of negative time/space? Why would one of us freely follow the entity?

Ra: I am Ra. The positive polarity sees love in all things. The negative polarity is clever.

"The positive polarity sees love in all things. The negative polarity is clever." 

I have seen reflections of this. Wondering if it has been casually expressed in fiction:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghSq2qlwrs0

So I am wondering if this is how the left is. The positive polarity sees love in all things. A lot of people that are otherwise positive people, especially women. Caring, friendly, warm. Are on the left. Because they are basically positive and have been 'tricked', in a sense. 

But this does not mean that the left in general are all like this. 'The negative polarity is very clever'. Basically means that negative people are extremely committed to practiceable methods of deception. This does not just mean higher etheric entities. Propaganda. Governments. The evil that exists in the sense of a kind of all seeing Satan. But also reflects the internal workings of a leftist group. Some of those people in the leftist group have chosen this philosophy because, they are what they are, and they are exactly where they have intended to be. Promoting a political system that leads to mass tyranny, torture and death of the population.

Here are two X posts that show that:

 

https://x.com/PlatoonPod/status/2027415587551412318

https://x.com/FreyaVanadiss/status/2027313633647092017

Conclusion:

For me, I cannot go along with Stefans rules, which he attaches to his entire philosophy. Of not interacting with the left in general (as he defines them, "evildoers"). Now I could justify this to myself. Try and find a way through the cracks. But to relate to people wishing that you could not be relating to them is to have an exploitative attitude towards them.

My best option as far as I can discern. Is to simply relate to people as they are whatever their political affiliation. While of course, being mainly focused on spiritual matters. 

Putting together philosophies.

My last post was wrong. I have had dreams about not deleting my own creations. Not specifically about blogs, but I imagine it transfers to that as well. So I have not deleted the last post. Even though I would prefer not to put out things I know are incorrect. 

But no, listening to a woman talk about chakras and things created the same 'energy blockage adjacent' kind of problems that trying to do it myself did. Like I said previously. I am not inclined to that kind of thing. What I am trying at the moment is to use a pyramid. Not linking it to any healing meditation or even regular meditation. Just use the pyramid. Doing thing in line with the Law of One in general does seem to work for me. 

I think the reason I am not tuned to "healing" in that way is something to do with having to have a certain alive/ fighter spirit as the central emotion throughout my day. Perhaps this links to music. In my natal astrology. Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, North Node and ascendant are all in fire. So that fire has to burn and I am lacking the air, earth and water perhaps needed for the caring necessary to be a healer.  

The reason this has all come up is that during a recent 'minor surgery'. I had to modify my health situation in ways that kind of opened me up to schizophrenic ways of thinking. So I went to the visualisations mentioned in the previous post for comfort. To push the delusional thinking into intense happiness and feeling of connection to everything, rather than whatever the alternative would be. But it was not a workable way of thinking.  

I am thinking now that relying more on musical types of things would be a better way forward in that state. 

I also have another thing that has become apparent in my awareness of my own psyche. Stefan Molyneux. I have mentioned before. I kept up with his work regularly. I think that absorbing it regularly has been part of what has allowed me to continue with this blog. To absorb energy and a way of thinking got me thinking. Even if on completely different subjects. 

But I have completely stopped with Stefan Molyneux. No checking his podcasts. Even their title. No viewing his X posts. Nothing. Stefans philosophy is strongly on objective thinking. For someone like me that really struggles to stay grounded and that can float off into the ether. It was a stabilising force for me. Rather like how a Christian keeps themselves in line with a church sermon. Now that I am not paying attention to any of Stefans information. It is less easy to grip onto it in general. 

I also notice that it is hard to really think through philosophy in the absence of other people to talk it over with. I imagine Stefans ideas were formed when he was in University talking to at least some people that were intelligent. Living real life. But for me I don't know if philosophical ideas will come together in a more secluded environment.  

Of course, I have planned strategies of making sure things are OK. I really need to do exercise. That is very grounding. Music is grounding. Meditation is grounding (doesn't sound true but it is!) There is other material that might serve as an inspiration to get me blogging. For instance, I am often re reading the Law of One and having insights. 

But it might be that while I am a bit confused like this, I am not putting out blogs for a while. I am not completely emotionally recovered from the surgery. My physical health has not stabilised.  

Healing affirmation and meditation video.

Started with this video today, as I was looking for affirmations:

Youtube: Melanie Beckier: Powerful HEALING meditation - Receive the blessings of Archangels now. (July 21st 2024)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAreD5ZrvyA

It's like another obvious step to take if you believe in the Law of One paradigm. Something that would obviously help life. But that just until recently I did not do so. Perhaps because until now, when I have got into the Law of One more heavily. I maintained a bit more of a sceptical paradigm in practice. Keeping a lot of this at arms length.

Yesterday, my health was bad. I had to deliberately make it quite a bit worse to maintain a fast, which my medical situation doesn't really allow for but that I needed to do for a surgical procedure. 

This, paradoxically, gave me a kind of enthusiastic 'swagger' and attracted a lot of female attention! Something I could never capitalise upon because that way of being is not a good thing at all. The only thing I want in that state is to get out of it. To return to better health and sleep it off. 

Anyway, I am thirsting for female attention a bit. As my health has improved, that area has taken on more interest for me. I used to think a lot during very dry spells that it would be good to get some sort of gel or energy that provided "female energy" in some kind of capsule or something. So that the need for sex and the energetic need for female energy was satisfied. Without having to bother one of those real world beings for attention and warmth that they generally don't want to part with. That is unaccessible for some reason. 

I wonder if, even though this is just a voice on a youtube video. Whether this is female energy just a little bit? I also wonder if, my extreme lack of success in this kind of area. That I attribute to me expressly NOT being a healer. Will not be repeated here. If I can have good results this way because even though it is only a very light presence. There is someone that is directing the meditation and such. Another person involved. 

Supernatural tools.

Started writing an article and it was dead boring. Usually I can just kind of channel an article. But this is an exception. 

Trying to get more interesting things into the articles since, when working on self improvement subjects in general. Meditation. The Law of One. Human Design. Dream Interpretation. The subject matter will revolve around my personal experience. That is not ideal, and perhaps, long term, I can change that style?

Anyway, I have had an insight, from something said in the Law of One. I think I excerpted the relevant passage in a previous blog post. 

It was said at some point. That one of the issues that Carla faced with her healing was that the problems had caused an increase in her 'positive polarity'. 

It is an insight I think is interesting into the way psychology works. I see it, in a way, like the unfolding of a tree. Where the earlier you go are lower down on the tree. Each choice points is a point that branches out into several effects. 

I am wondering if this gives me powerful insight into my own issues. I have, in the past, made choices based on my problems at that time. Those problems, were caused by medical issues. A physiological element. Which has been kind of solved. And a psychological element. Which is helped by dream interpretation and a few other things. 

So a lot of the ways I did handle said problems. Things that are still in my life. Can be let go of? An interesting idea. 

As things are let go of. In line with my last post perhaps. With the affirmations. I am feeling more connected to what is "up there". Strong synchronicities are precisely guiding me. Also, getting out the tarot cards. I can't believe the questions it answered for me. Which in turn solves issues in my real life. 

One of those issues was that something was missing in my understanding of a friend I had who committed suicide. I wrote to that girls friend, six months to a year ago. Wanting some insight into any reason for this. I figure girls tell their close friends a whole lot they would not tell a male friend. We will call this friend of hers Lesley. 

When I talked to Lesley, the last thing she said to me was something like "It would be my preference to not deal with you any longer". Which was kind of annoying. It was kind of a "wtf" moment. But it shouldn't've been. The girl has barely met me. 

I suppose if there was the normal funeral types of arrangements those kinds of things could be casually discussed. I was kept away from pretty much everyone there. Even though there was an initial funeral like four days after the friend jumped which I was invited to. There was meant to be a later service of ashes scattering in my town which never happened. And I imagine, I cannot prove. That all the people involved would prefer not to deal with me. My family member, Lesley, and the people that were close to the friend that jumped. Some of which there are bizarrely coincidences with spanning decades. Even before I met said friends.

So back to this message I wrote to Lesley. Like I said, the reason I wrote to her was a nagging question of why this happened. There were synchronicities I now remember after this girl jumped. I read the cards today, and the cards when I asked about this girl were Major Arcana. Very relevant patterns. A repeating of the same cards despite reshuffling. A general supernatural feel to the whole day. 

And the cards genuinely seemed to answer my questions about her. She was not the only subject I questioned on. This meant that my thoughts on "Lesley", suddenly felt released. The impulse to communicate with her was to communicate on this matter. But I got quite the shift from reading the Tarot cards on our mutual friend. 

As I apparently become more ungrounded and spiritual. Going into things such as tarot additionally to my general lifestyle. And abandoning very grounded content creators and one philosopher. I am also seeking to move strongly in a more grounded direction.  

My main goal for the next few weeks, and longer hopefully. My main, most important thing. Is to go to the gym regularly. I have found that I am having stomach problems due to atrophy of said stomach muscles. I have laid down too much for some health issues and my stomach has not responded well. Due to this, I need to carry on eating chocolate despite it gaining me weight, and screwing my psychological health, me now being overweight for the first time in my life. The priority is a real focus on the gym.