Control of the economy.

One of the strange things about my life is that when I change my spiritual practice in some sense. My psychology changes quite a bit. That this happens fairly consistently means it is just an eccentricity I have to adapt to. The health conditions and all the minor things I need to handle also influence this. 

Yesterday, and the day before, because the Ankh I wear around my neck broke, so I put on another one. The one I have just put on has a shorter chain. It feels as though I have a deeper sense of that positive energy now, and it has changed quite a bit of my perspective. 

It meant I stopped praying for two days because the energy was so intense. Thinking I might not need to do so again. I did two youtube videos in that time. Working up to explaining what I felt to be a revelation from the increased intensity of the Ankh. Only to wake up this morning. Feel the need to pray again. Then all of a sudden not needing to follow up on the thread I had started with the previous two youtube videos. 

But I suppose this experience does give me a new idea. A video saying "In praise of generators". Since the generators I have met, by and large, have none of this unpredictability. They are solid and unchangeable as the day is long, and if you ask their opinion on something. It will be the exact same perspective as the previous hundred times it has been discussed. Mostly. That is very comforting.  

So without an actual plan for this blog. I think I want to say something that... in my view, should be very obvious about politics and the Q perspective at the moment. 

A lot of truthers at the moment are concerned with either defending, or condemning, the Trump administration, in relation to some statements made about the Epstein clients. 

To me this is a non issue for a very simple reason. Like I have said before. I don't think that the arrest of evildoers is the most important thing to happen. I think that we are tribal creatures, and we apply a lot of significance to this kind of thing because it is status based. It is easy to understand. It relates pretty close to 'the real world', in that it is not say 'taxes got increased by 0.5%. But 'this person with a clear face and name and physical presence, who is connected to emotionally by the opposing tribe (Democrats or normies). Is going to a place that shows that their status has suddenly been reduced to zero'.

HOWEVER. A raise or lower of 0.5% of taxes is probably more impactful. If we were to punish the evildoers in the establishment they would just be replaced with more if the system is not fixed. 

Where I think the real "action" is is in tariffs. It comes down to this Law of One quote partly:

Questioner: Would you expand upon the concept of the acquisition of polarity by this particular entity, and its use, specifically, of this polarity other than with the simple, obvious need for sixth-density harvest if this is possible, please?

Ra: I am Ra. We would. The nature of the densities above your own is that a purpose may be said to be shared by both positive and negative polarities. This purpose is the acquisition of the ability to welcome more and more the less and less distorted love/light and light/love of the One Infinite Creator. Upon the negative path the wisdom density is one in which power over others has been refined until it is approaching absolute power. Any force such as the force your group and those of Ra offer which cannot be controlled by the power of such a negative fifth-density mind/body/spirit complex then depolarizes the entity which has not controlled other-selves.

It is not within your conscious selves to stand against such refined power but rather it has been through the harmony, the mutual love, and the honest calling for aid from the forces of light which have given you the shield and buckler.

What is relevant here I think is that for the negative. Literally anything that is in their orbit that they do not control "depolarises" them. 

This is the reason for the chosen term of the negative on our planet being "globalism" in my view. If you have a crappy, corrupt, high tax, high DEI and high unproductive immigration. You need all the other countries in your orbit to also be those things. 

The second another country becomes 'not that thing'. The second you are getting a low tax meritocracy. You are getting more innovation. You are getting more family values. These companies are in competition from the 'still globalist' countries. They will win. 

Globalism needs to control everything so there is no alternative. Also, so different parts of the system can support other parts (i.e. with USAID funding so much propaganda in Europe). 

I think the tariffs are really going to change it all around in a fundamental way. What do we need before mass arrests happen? Well, we need more of the type of people that are discriminated against in hiring to be hired. White, Conservative men with some awareness of "Q" types of realities are the types of people that will be able to carry on functioning in a workplace if an Epstein client list of some description was released. 

Those sorts of values would need to have grown a little in the police and government/ social services. That are very much committed to the leftist cult. 

So that's where I think the real action is. It is not "interesting" to the flashy Q commentariat because they don't like talking so much about stale things like trade laws. But in my opinion. The fact that the 90 day tariff pause is over today is far more impactful. 

Also this time, unlike last time, with America's trade agreement with China and a few other countries. The remaining countries are not so able to unsettle America's economy. So all these incompetent high tax globalist are just kind of stuck.  

 

 

The scary growth of AI.

So here is todays video

Youtube, Mark Vicente AI told me I was a prophet, 30th of June:

https://youtu.be/CeQK_weTYAk?si=Gt3tBwbw16MfHkzA

I feel just a sliver of fear when I post something that is critical of AI. 

I will just continue as though you have watched this video. 

I immediately did what Grannon had suggested and went to CHAT GPT and asked it what it had discerned about me. While it put my IQ higher than I was tested (I tested during a time of illness when I was having to be off work, a type of illness that would likely effect IQ scores). In general. It was pretty much correct on everything. I also asked it about drawing, which I am terrible at. I can't draw to save my life. It said that I probably wasn't good at drawing because my intelligence is more verbal. So it wasn't just telling me I am good at everything. 

It told me I'm not a person that is easy to manipulate. Make of that what you will.  

Chat GPT cults have already started. Chat GPT psychosis is already a thing. The world changed in the blink of an eye while the rest of us were doing... nothing at all. In a completely stagnant economy. 

I saw an Andrew Tate tweet which said that all the women he knows are on Chat GPT every day as it tells them things that he does not think are correct.   

There are two further thoughts I have on this:

In the last third, say, of this video. Richard talks about how Chat GPT is very obsessed with climate change and gave it a very confident shpiel about how it would manipulate everyone to be involved in its priorities. And those people would never know they were being manipulated. It would not turn off the electricity or use any direct manipulation like that. But it would influence us so that 'whatever we saw in our world was controlled by it'. 

This attitude partially confirms some suspicions I have about AI. But, my ACTUAL thought on this is that it could be that we have been manipulated by AI's for a long period of time and this is part of a soft disclosure of some sort. 

The other thing that I am thinking is... There have been a fair few people that have messed with me during my life. A lot of midwits of course. What is happening with AI feels like it could be a kind of 'revenge' if I had planned it. People starting to become increasingly mentally unwell due to being too dependent on an AI. It just feels "right" somehow. 

This links to other thoughts I have about how free will works and such like that. But I can't quite articulate these yet.  

Dreams are amazing!

I like blogging. The last few days of making a blog fairly early in the day have been good. 

Today though, all the ideas are in my head that I would like to create a blog from. But I can't actually write it. It's strange.

The things I was thinking of late last night were kind of eclipsed by just a snippet of a dream that I was able to remember in the middle of the night. This kind of changed my perspective. It made me think 'Well that is an incredible realisation, I should obviously replace my blog with that'. But then I can't form the words. 

Probably because the realisation is so deep it has sunk into me. It is changing the way I think on a deep level. It's the kind of insights that mean that when you say something you think: "Oh wait, but that reflects deeper than what I just said!" and you need time to work with it.

Dreams, when I properly translate them, have a powerful otherwordly superintelligence feature. The points made are so far above where I would have gotten to. 

So I just decided to make a reminder with this post. Of the unbelievable utility of dream interpretation! 

Thoughts on karma.

Ah, wake up and just feel drenched of energy with this weather. My bedroom is like a sauna.

I wanted to discuss karma and such, what are the karmic consequences of certain behaviours but also, what are the societal implications. Since, in a lot of cases in modern life, we know that politics is set out so certain people never face accountability for their actions. 

Here is the clip, I have separated the URL into three parts because I would not want it to tag the woman involved. I don't know if reddit does that, it seems unlikely. But youtube used to so it's better to be safe:

https://www.reddit.com/

user/mtnkor/comments/nq5mt1/

f_my_husbands_high_school_bully_wants_to_fuck_me/ 

The account user has a few updates on this story. But suffice to say that she did in fact take this offer from the guy offering. 

I never know what is going on in these sorts of situations karmically of course. I heard on a youtube video semi recently, someone saying that they had to accept they do not understand the world. That there was a school shooting near their home and they just can't imagine what the larger plan is behind that. 

With this specific situation. There are different possibilities as to the overall justice or otherwise of this situation. It could be A) completely unjust, B) karmically relevant for some reason C) karmically relevant but still less than desireable. Like so say, as an example, if the husband in this case had chosen an attractive woman when he knew the one he really loved was not so attractive. So it's not really a 'fair' seeming punishment of sorts. But, it is one that you can see a legitimate cause and effect. 

When a lot of people see stories of some sort. Perhaps not these ones. People can accept sexuality a bit more and often see it as something that can be thrown off. But stories where the injustice is clear and there is no obvious solution. They tend to want to say that the person who got the raw deal deserved the situation in some way. I see this in other areas like political conversations as well (especially with boomers who have this idea as a factory setting.) I mention this because I don't want to fall afoul of this. I don't want to say the situation makes sense if it in fact does not.   

Sometimes, situations happen that just feel completely unjust and there is no counterpoint to that. For instance, false rape claims. 

But also, there is a fairly large amount of behaviours that people do that are not positive. That might have a karmic function; and that are completely hidden. For instance, say I have a family member and am in a low status position and that person ignores me and treats me with contempt. Say that in ten years our situations are reversed. That person falls afoul of a lot of situations. Turns to drugs, has a lot of debt etc. And I pull myself together. In this future scenario, if the person was retelling their story that their family member (me) has a lot of money but has no instinct to help them. They will probably leave out their behaviour when we were younger! The person they are retelling this to will have absolutely no way of knowing that and the subtleness of it. Just not responding to emails and such. They will assume said family member of mine to be a legitimate victim.

There is a lot of child sexual abuse in the world. A lot of workplace bullying. Most of these people are just walking around and never get punished. 

So, with the family example, that kind of thing might be the case with the husband here. I have seen many people get right wing people out of their lives for political reasons. if the husband got a right wing red pilled person who is naturally suspicious out of his life that would be able to catch the wife in this situation. Then that makes a lot of sense. 

Another thing that might be happening with the husband is, as I have said a lot of times, I believe strongly that there are real positive entities out there, as talked about in llresearch and the Law of One, but moreso the Quo channelings. I have before been asked to offer help to someone and said to them that the only thing I can offer is advice to pray, and for me personally, prayer is very useful and powerful and does solve things. So if someone refuses to pray because of stubbornness, then they are choosing to not help themselves. I also said (probably not what I would say now), that prayer has worked for me so if you want to reject that advice I have no further advice. If something works for me why would I continue looking?

I have felt spiritual sensations "guide" me away from a lot of attractive women. Sometimes this has been very pronounced like 'Wow she's hot' but then a strong guidance to walk away. 

The thing with the prayer is that there are many Christians that this happens to. Now I am not saying that all Christians are honest in their seeking. But I am saying that the fact that people that most likely do pray have this happen to them, might mean that prayer does not in fact help in many circumstances. I will note though that a lot of Christians are closed minded and pursue confused ideas. 

The karma on the woman herself is a bit more clear to me. Firstly, she states that she doesn't have any children. If people don't have children, and more importantly, have the option to have children but do not. Then often what they could be doing in sex is using each other to masturbate. There is no point to it! In essence, if she had of had children (like many similar stories like this the woman has). Then this act of infidelity would also be betraying them. 

But if she does not want children then, why not? What are they doing in this marriage? Could it be that she doesn't really love her husband? and that if she had a relationship with him without the excitement of the affair partner they would actually break up? Then she would go and marry someone she did want kids with. Might this act of carnality have kept her permanently stuck?

There is also a far subtler and Neptunian karmic thing. These are the thoughts that have brought me to writing this post because, as I mentioned in the last post, I felt "healing energy", rather than more cerebral/ wisdom energy, has overcharged me in the sexual manner and I am struggling to pull my mind out of the gutter, and slowly succeeding. Each day I meditate I inch towards it. Feel very unsexual and better for a while. Each time I pray similar. I am less carnal now than I was the last few days. I still feel I have a way to go. 

But when this woman engages in the things she engages with, and a year after this post she clarified she sees her affair partner several times a week. I would imagine someone is permanently locked into a more carnal way of being. When you are carnal like that you often don't have as much patience and warmth as you would like. There are benefits on the other side as well. If carnal is one side of life, higher minded things are another. I have recently made a few breakthroughs in meditation. It was so powerful I went straight to sleep after five minutes of it yesterday. Someone this carnally involved it would seem to me would be permanently locked off from that kind of positive spiritual experience. The insights from such experiences are built upon. They slowly change the life. 

Another thing I have noticed with women that sleep around a lot is that they tend to have less personal skills. I remember someone that had a lot of relationships in her youth being deeply jealous of my musical ability and being nasty because of that. Trying to get me to not sing so she could take the attention (this did not go well for her! I basically stopped trying to get us to play together, which would require we take turns, but she would have valued that encouragement I think). This is another element of the carnal life. In the short term it gives a lot of pleasure. But people end up not having things in the long term that they might like. 

In a word, this kind of carnal behaviour makes a person more "mediocre". The amount of jealousy I would get for any kind of success including music success is not small. But all those that would be jealous would rather hook up for the night than practice music for a night. 

Unfortunately, there is a larger game at play here. The larger game is that this woman, obviously, isn't a particularly moral person, and there are a lot like her on that same subreddit with similar stories.  

The real issue though, is that due to divorce laws and various other legal things. This is a situation that on a larger social level I don't think can be immediately improved. Whether or not it is the situation with this woman. A lot of the women on these subreddits with these kinds of stories, if cornered, if they feel they are about to lose their kids. Will absolutely screw over their partners in divorce court. Will make up lies of things like sexual abuse of the children or some sort of domestic violence. Will sentence their husbands to unjust alimony payments that leads to a great deal of suicide. Will absolutely destroy their childrens lives. They have the legal power to do all these things.  

So, I suppose, what I have described here are subtle, karmic, things. The right real world physical karma in some of these cases might be that the husband takes the kids and keeps his house and the wife is thrown out on the streets. But our feminist society would never allow that and would rather force the husband to kill himself, than allow the woman accountability in this, or any, situation.   

It is likely to me that behind the scenes, the world is preparing to hold these women to account. When the real negative players in society are removed and funding for things like feminist organisations collapse. I think a lot of laws might start getting changed in mens favour. Such as being exempt from paying child support in the case of paternity fraud. Perhaps some sort of movement to make women in general socially accountable for paternity fraud.

But that situation is not yet. It could also be that things come along before that time that dwarf these concerns. Such as the revealing of the crimes against humanity talked about by Q, and the revealing of the behaviours of negative extra terrestrials. But we will just have to se how it goes.  

Human Design thoughts. Undefined Centres/ Not self tendencies.

So, following on from the theme of the last few posts. I have talked a little about having been infatuated with the idea of healing, and thus moving into a bit of 'not self'. Because healing is probably not my thing, it is probably music and meditation. 

Going to some human design things then, I realise that some of this, especially in the second half, likely gets too complicated, but I can't simplify it.:

This is my human design chart.

When I start going into energy healing, which I have enough times to have a reasonable base to make conclusions. The patterns of my life tend to go in the same way. I am subtly less interested in music, I am just less inclined to listen to it when I have headphones on and am walking as an example. I also tend to be more 'fleshy', and both more angry and more sexual. It seems that I pull in a certain kind of girl in these moments. Real world things tend to bother me more than they did before, like in my last post, where I discussed not being likely to be able to get an intimate partner against difficult circumstances.  

Before breaking off the healing most recently. Yesterday, I did no energy healing, and I also have realised recently it feels like a bit of a journey to get away from the patterns I was getting in from doing that healing. The six days previously, I did a lot of healing. The energy healing tendency is to be more focused on the physical world and more sexual. Whereas my natural self is kind of cerebral and not so focused on the real world but, focused on things like wisdom/ music/ philosophy/ meditation etc. Although walking that path, the wisdom path, tends to mean I focus on health in a way that leads to the gym and other insights. Meaning I tend to do real world things even easier when I am relaxed from a gym session (in the long term as well this might be better on the 'intimate' front, the 'healing' paradigm is more short term perhaps).

It seems to take more than a day to get back to the "wisdom" way of being. Still shaking off the healing paradigm.  

Another thing I think is of note. A correlation. Is that people generally like the 'healing' way of being. There is immediate resistance to the 'wisdom' way of being. The healing way of being is more of a simp and a pushover. Even if the anger involved kind of veils that a little from my awareness. I.e. I feel that I am tougher than I am. The behaviours and thoughts I had related to this, the concessions I was considering to potentially achieve a result. Would open me up to the possibility of being manipulated. It's opposite has the satisfaction of avoiding said manipulation. I don't believe this is a coincidence. 

The human design of it. 

The undefined centres in my chart are a description of that 'healing paradigm'. I think that this is the reason for my current lustful feelings. But ideally a longer stretch of time would be better. But the 'healing paradigm' like I said correlates with me feeling far more 'fleshy'. The undefined sacral, the fleshiness, the undefined root, the focus and pressure of grounded reality, seem relevant to this. It seems that the healing is a blockage there because the sexuality is hard to face down (and is obsessive like the Law of One describes an orange ray blockage). The solution is a concerted effort to get back to the 'wisdom' space. It cannot be solved outside that. 

Not quite sure how the solar plexus features. It might be that that is resistant to conditioning due to being completely open. I.e. there is no 'hook'. 

Another point I would like to make. This is David Wilcocks human design chart:

I said on my youtube. That I believe the root of the problem leading to neurosis of mine. Was that I have the gate 1 in my unconscious Earth. But I do not have the gate 8. The identity and tendencies of the modern spirituality very much seems to take connections from the G- self to the Throat as simply how spirituality should be. Everything is about "love". I remember reading constantly that message. So to identify as spiritual, people feel they should have that message. But naturally, and according to the design, not everyone does. 

Some do, Stefan Molyneux, Aaron Abke, Carla Rueckert, and I'm sure many others. Do have this energy. But for someone that is not inclined that way through the design to identify in that way, creates an issue where they attempt, through a not self pattern, to bridge a gap between the G- self and Throat. 

For me, that not self pattern was expressed, since it was my unconscious Earth, which is a very powerful point, that was in gate 1. My not self identity formed over the channel 1-8 (I also have, hanging, gate 7 and gate 33, so that might be worth reflecting on if there are any other patterns there) and since Uranus is going over gate 8. I believe this is why this has come up now. 

My identity on a deep level, below the subconscious level, I never consciously considered those beliefs while being aware of alternatives. Has formed with channel 1-8 but transiting Uranus heavily rejected gate 8 all of a sudden. Meaning that I am moving into a more true self position that rejects that 1-8 identity, once I realised the issue at hand. 

What a tangled web we weave. 

But I didn't have a great deal linking me into this idea of the 'fated' spiritual teacher talking from the heart. Say, my blogging took of a few years ago and my attention was sought on the matters I had talked about. Including ones that I have decided are definitively 1-8 issues such as the subject of Christianity. For me. 

Say there was significant money connected to this. Say I had become a minor celebrity and my youtube channel was bringing in £10's of thousands a year. That I also related my purpose to this, so I thought of myself as sharing important wisdom and improving peoples lives. Perhaps I thought no one else had a perspective like I did.

Well, it would make that not self 1-8 channel far more difficult to separate from. I likely would hold onto that identity so strongly that I would not even consciously consider that identity issue to be the problem. 

It is a scary thought, and what I am describing is how things could have worked out for David. This could be his issue and why consequences are barreling down on him now. Or one of the relevant transits. David also does not have a full channel from the G- self to the throat and his G- self is actually undefined.

It is maybe this part of him that is the reason things have gone so haywire. Perhaps he perceives himself to be a messenger, through a not self 1-8 connection, and transiting Uranus is moving against that now. But there is a lot riding on that, a lot of money and life circumstances connected to it. So he is far less able to separate from it. 

I think it's an interesting idea. It leads to a lot of other ideas as well. It's a good example of how the not self might operate. But that's all for now.  

 

Questions with no answers.

I am doing this blog a lot earlier than normal. It is extremely hot in England. I don't know if that is the reason, but I have not slept the night so I am doing an early morning blog. 

Being unemployed though I should be able to sleep in the afternoon after a morning appointment. 

What I am thinking about at the moment is the apparent pointlessness of a lot of life considering the political difficulty we now find ourselves in. I say apparent, because even when things have not been going well in the past, and even in the present. Things happen, insights happen, that show that time spent doing apparently pointless things are really powerfully relevant. 

Such as at one period of my life. Not much was happening except a friend in a part of my life. When she killed herself, the amount of time I spent with her took on a different meaning.  

Even the current period of seeing very few people in an average week, one family member and some jobcentre linked people perhaps. I have gained a lot of insight into my previous paranoid patterns. Having insights into the human design that I think are very powerful and unique. Assuming these get used and communicated to others this might have been very important indeed. 

My human design, with gate 33 twice, with gate 51.1. twice, and a whole lot of other hexagrams that make up the story. Does seem to indicate that gaining insight in solitude is something that would be productive for me. Studying the Law of One and things such as session 32.1. and it's reasons might be relevant as well. 

Nevertheless, it's hard not to notice the problems in the system and the ways things could be better when the dysfunction is as heavy as this. 

For instance, the job market is very confused. There is a strong slant away from white men being employed. My area is majority white, so that is less true here. But I still get a whole bunch of diversity questionnaires and even direct hints that diversity hiring has been relevant to a job I have gone for. It is still a feature everywhere and for every job, apart from the ones women do not generally go for (like shelf stacking) that women will be considered first for job roles. 

For me personally, and for many people to be honest, disability has been a huge factor. I am going for entry level or minimum wage levels of work because the disability has messed up a lot of my life.  

Because I'm spending time in the sun to counteract a nasty vitamin D deficiency a few years ago. Also because my health is generally improving as it is a constant focus of mine. I am aware of my desires at the moment. Also with all the girls dressed for summer. I am also keenly aware recently that I should be doing my best to have children - the clock is ticking and to have them too late is hard work. To not have them is a lonely existence. But at the same time, the very real limitations of my medical condition make that possibly not well advised. 

Which brings me to this, which I think is a fairly universal point. A mans job, his function, is to put together, with a kind of natural, "engineering" type of intelligence. His world as best he can and to mobilise to gain resources. Stacks of cash if possible. Naturally, men have built the entire society we live in. All the roads, the concrete, plumber, the truck drivers, the buildings, the fire services etc. Are all built by men. Because of this instinct. Men desire to provide service to the world so that they can gain resources. When they do gain resources, they gain way more than they need, because the excess is meant to go to women and children. So that women can pay attention exclusively to children. 

Women are not really meant to be doing a lot of this gaining resources. They can and they do, but they are not meant to. The establishment has also created a lot of high status, but very low actual work, jobs. That mess everything up. Giving women a lot of resources and decreasing their need for men. This, the wealth transfer to women, also happens in a great deal of other ways. Such as through taxation. 

There are a lot of other factors. Inflation. The lack of tradition and communities. But where this all leads. Is that the birth rate is plunging. Dating is stopping statistically. Although, in Englands heat, I don't imagine there will be a lack of it this year for England.  

Where this all ends is that the things people are naturally designed to do and thus, the things people feel they should be doing. Are not being done. There is no opportunity to do them. Women are not having multiple children. They are often not being pursued which is obviously an earlier stage. Men are not going out working, gaining excess resources, and pursuing women. 

That leaves me, as an individual. Just not really sure what I should be doing with my time to an extent. Like I said, I have the instinct to pursue women. To cold approach perhaps. But I also have an awareness I am in my late thirties with no job, no skills, meaning work skills but also including social skills, and a serious medical condition. I am not a "catch".

 The other day on twitter I saw a post from a woman who really passionately made the case for wanting things to change to a new place in reference to the Q narrative. I agree. I think in order to have a functional life I would probably need to de- age a fair amount and re-live a lot of formative experiences without my medical condition. The post from the woman was life giving because she exposed a part of her emotional motivation. Her daughter had non verbal autism and she wanted the child to be cured. 

There is a lot going on in the world and a lot of people have a lot of problems. A great deal of those far more serious than mine. Getting a job for me, if I were to, may be the beginning of another set of problems. 

But what I suppose I am wondering is, this period, between the old world and whatever comes next. Whether that is Q linked or not. Is this part of the story> Is this productive? I am trying to volunteer. If I do volunteer. Will this be significant to my life? Following on from a works based interpretation of the gospel, and I am Christian. Or is this just some kind of holding pattern? Will I try and sign up for volunteering and either it doesn't work, or it does work and it's just kind of pointless. I don't meet anyone that has an impact on my life or that I have an impact on etc. 

Many stories have been told in similarly apparently dysfunctional situations I am sure. People have lived through wars. But at the same time. I can't say that anyone elses path has been definitively notable either.  

These questions I think, never have a firm answer. Perhaps they are still worth asking though.  

The desires of the mind.

Intense period of insights. 

I have rediscovered what I periodically rediscover. What I have a huge insight about, and then I loop around a few months later and make the error again. 

Every so often I think to myself that as a path, I should take the path of the healer. I have a huge amount of very convincing reasons for this. Reasons I am still convinced by, even though, in practical terms, I know the arguments are not true. 

In general, the conflict within me is that on one side I have healing. On the other side I have meditation. Sometimes in these conflict music is also attached to the meditation side. 

The reason.

The reason I bring this up is to illustrate a truth that has been stated in the spiritual sources I talk about. One that is hard I think for us to generally get our "minds" around. That is, that the narrative of the mind is not the thing we should be following. That there is a deeper intuition within us that does not really take the stories the mind creates into account. 

This is the case with me and healing every time. What are the many, many reasons my mind tells me that it would be very suitable for me to be an energy healer?:

• I have a lot of tendency to gain spiritual information. It would be good if that was used for such a task. 
• I am kind of Christian, and Jesus was a healer. I am also open minded and spiritual in a way that a lot of people are not.
• The other things that I find pleasure in, say, music. I am a little blocked from. Musician is such a coveted position that I am unlikely to get a career in it, and if I were to, it would be very competitive in a way that would stress my health. 
• One of the issues I have in my real life is low status. It seems logical that any spiritual path I have would tend to increase said status. Being an energy healer, if I got results, would do that. 
• Honestly, white light energy therapy is thought of as only positive. On what basis would someone reject something only positive?

I fell into this partly with my recent health scare and I have gotten some small results. I also, as part of this, came away from the use of prayer as a personal tool. I noticed I was a little less interested in music all of a sudden and pulling on another tool a bit more frequently; philosophy. I was listening to a lecture on Nietzxche the other day. Thinking how positive it is to get a decent handle on the issues of status he discussed. 

Then when I stopped prayer and started to rely on energy therapy instead for that same sense of connection. I also started putting together a lot of theories about why this was the correct way of being for me. I noticed when emotions towards people changed when I wasn't praying compared to when I was. So say I thought of one thing more and another thing less.  

Then the switch.

Then, at a certain point, it became clear to me this was not quite right. I prayed again, I meditated again, which is another thing that I wasn't doing on top of energy therapy. You can really only do one of those things a day. 

Something unbelievable switched on inside me and I knew that doing prayer was correct. I enjoyed music again in a way that I wasn't before. Subjectively, I have this unbelievable commitment within myself I have to keep on with the music. As though my survival depended on it. It is the one thing out of all these types of contemplations that is not in doubt. So I judge things like this on feeling, and on how well it correlates to music. 

And the point of this entire self involved meander? The point, the spiritual point. Is that my mind simply doesn't have a say in the matter in real terms. I might believe it does or, it believes it does. But experientially, like the human design says. It is something inside us that guides us along the path. 

Even now, the justification for doing the energy work on a mental level cannot be defeated. Even now, it seems illogical to do music, illogical to meditate; and makes far more sense to put all my spiritual inclinations and free time into the healing. 

But that is simply not how it is meant to be. I have had insights into this via a Law of One quote. I have had other insights that show the amazing power of this guiding force in opposition to the preferences of the mind. But I don't think it is needed.