Thoughts on my design.

A post on various human design thoughts. 

Firstly, gate 33 is a big part of my chart. Two points on the conscious side. Gate 51.1 specifically is two points on the unconscious side and this comes up. Trying to remind myself this is all design based because it's manifestation is... a little disconcerting sometimes. 

I recall reading Ra Uru Hu saying something like the gate 33 is the abstract process and of note, at the end of an experience, the abstract process is at it's weakest. Only after that withdrawal of the gate 33 and reflection, does the abstract process start to gain strength again. 

I also have the gate 25.6. This means that the 51-25 channel, whole channel, is going from a first line to a sixth line and it is definitely a pattern of mine to attempt to find meaning in the most base experience. I also have gate 44.1 going to gate 26.4. 

With also the 21-45 both being ruthless sounding lines. Gate 21.2 which is something like 'hard action to oppose deliberate interference' and 45.4 in detriment something like 'The lack of spiritual expression on the material plane'.

Putting a lot of this together, also with my 11-56 and general tendency to pay attention to things like dream interpretation. It all leads to a kind of machiavellianism. Splenically defined and right minded means I really respond very quickly in the moment to things. The right minded doesn't lay out a plan and structure, it simply comes in with something that seems perfectly relevant to the moment, but that is kind of random. 

The 51-25 is quite gutteral and base. The initiation channel. The specific shock of the 51 often involves the insight that someone is not what they appeared to be. This sense of looking below the surface of things is like being followed by ghosts. Others want to believe a certain thing about a thing or person and the 51 is like 'No, that's not the case, because of x experience', and "normal people" are very willing to socially ostracise to avoid that information modifying the way they would prefer to perceive the world. 

I think interesting in the human design are those parts where people have a choice whether to hear someones channel and choose to reject it and ostracise the person instead. It's like, what is the difference between having the channel and people avoiding it and not having the channel? What is the energy difference?

Anyway, the whole chart put together like I said is incredibly machiavellian. It flies very much against the mainstream preference for a kind of lovey dovey - "enable-abusers-with-forgiveness-without-contrition" vibe. 

The entire energy stream starts out in the 44 which I have identified as kind of the 'anti forgiveness' hexagram. The 44 is ancestral memory which is retained for safety. So it is not going to say "Let's just let go of the fact that person is incredibly toxic - for group cohesion" - maybe the integration channel would do that. It's simply going to say "That person is a degenerate and I don't want them near me". 

I have also mentioned that I favour the teachings of one Stefan Molyneux. This, I think, comes partly from the gate 4.1 in my conscious Mars. This is Stefans reasoning process and it is so similar to mine that I like listening him to gain access to my own self. The fact of challenging what is assumed to be correct, what is stated as correct, perhaps for the same reason that links to the 51-25. But as with the defined G-self and Stefans incarnation cross, all 4 hexagrams being on the G-self. It also ends with moral discussion and reasoning the can really challenge others .Can really challenge things like passive aggression through moral reasoning. 

It eventually leads to this place where, due to a bunch of complex reasoning and spirituality, I have explained some deep psychological process but now I'm not going to see the person for a while. There is time for processing and withdrawal. The manifestor type means there isn't any particular "stickiness" to other people and the combination of moral reasoning as well leads to a kind of requirement on the part of the others person. Due to that normal sacral connection being missing, they need to independently take understandings in order to relate. All this is in there. The 51-25, maybe the 44-26, the 4.1, but then the 33 and other parts of the chart disconnect, and they have to DO something with that energy to remain in connection. 

In my life there have been many machiavellian movements. Such as having someone be passive aggressive, in a way that can't be immediately challenged, and feeling relief when their behaviour comes back to them in an extremely traumatising way. People ghosting and me not being happy with that or thinking its fair but... it is what it is. Moves like apologising for something, then saying I'd meet someone, only to have them ignore that and not meet. Then being able to call them on it six months to a year later. Like... I did everything required by the social ritual. It is yet again a long term process of drawing out subtle, unpleasant behaviour, that isn't easily challenged. 

Again and again these kinds of things happen and after them, all the pieces of the chess board have been set up. I have said the apology, I have my explanation of how I dealt with the person, I have given something of value, even if that is not acknowledged by the other. Everything is set up so the person can't deliver passive aggression without having to walk back their own amorality. 

There is one exception to most of this. One energy area and channel that delivers something else. Something different. That is the manifesting channel 21-45 which has as one of it's points the North Node. Ie. it isn't completely switched on until I've lived life.

Part of me fears that my position of low status will never change due to my health. Which has moments of improvement but is usually a grind. But a strict reading would say that what would be likely would be some material success coming from that. Some success of some sort of bringing that will power into the real world.

This would potentially change the game in quite a devastating way. All these people that have done crappy things and this long slow process of challenging that. Of challenging the passive aggression by bringing out, partly through coincidence, real moral principles as part of the discussion. 

People being able to treat me in a bad way due to the low status from- disability of all things. Then suddenly, after bad behaviour for years, find out that I am doing well in some way. Successful in some manner and them wanting to gain benefits from that but there being a struggle to make that a reality with all the subtle, deliberately unacknowledged crappy behaviour over years. I'll repeat as well, the reason this was gotten away with is due to disability. 

We'll see what happens. The process, this process that goes through the chart and tends to end with these periods of semi exhaustion so the abstract process starts a process of strengthening, is as exhausting as it sounds. But maybe, just maybe, the reasoning from spiritual sources has set up quite a chess board - and we are moving closer to a check mate!

The worlds catalyst and humility.

I saw a tweet a little while ago, that said that a guy had been dating and was really very sick of what he had been subjected to.

It gave me a strong feel of futility and that there must be some 'point' to all this crap. In general, I have found that when something negative is revealed, it is actually the positive forces revealing the thing and the negative that was done was when this thing was still hidden. So, as an example, now we might hear about horrible divorce cases, but for years those cases happened and people were not allowed to criticise women. There was no 'manosphere', so people suffered in silence. 

The global game.

It is an area of interest though especially as I think of myself and my own life. I am better, healthier, stronger recently. I have never had a problem of desire at getting myself to the gym. I have never not wanted to go because I appreciate being well enough to go a great deal, and I have a strong physiological tension that has been created from my medical condition, I am quite an angry person. People I know don't get the brunt of it unless I have to legitimately defend myself. But the anger is there, and getting it out at the gym is a true blessing. I don't think I will stop going for as long as I live.

But as I get healthier I am also dealing with the complete lack of 'normality' from a person that has spent so little time generally socialising and doing normal things, and is only just well enough recently, and only just. I am starting to be legitimately well enough to work. Not, as previously experienced, working and having to push through it fight or flight style. But legitimately able to work and be psychologically comfortable to do so. 

But "starting" to be well enough for work means I will start low in any heirarchy past my twenties. I have not studied to gain enough skills (aside potentially some of the spiritual things I talk about) and I have little experience socialising, and little experience with women, and I am not completely well, I still lose hours a week to my medical condition. I look OK, I can get my foot in the door, I am intelligent, quick witted and fun. But it is not practically likely that I will get a girlfriend/ wife, children and all that. 

The world according to Stefan Molyneux, and perhaps indirectly that according to the Law of One, is to be massively positive about dating, relationships and women. To seek marriage and family. But in practice, it is likely, like I said, that won't be an option for me. 

I wonder, like anyone who gets involved in spirituality and also has a health condition, what the meaning of some of my medical issues might be and I also wonder, if part of the reason I am the way I am is to fit in with some sort of "global war" in some manner. Like a spiritual war. Like, when higher self me was planning this life was it partly planned so that I make up a statistic to pressure society in a certain way?

This seems like the kind of thing I would do. I also think, referring to a system that I haven't massively explained on this blog and haven't explained well on my youtube channel, that the fifth density in general, and I believe myself to be a fifth density wanderer, is very on the ball with these strategic global decisions. I think that is a big part of why they accompanied the sixth density here. 

So what's the reason?

What is the reason then for this kind of global dissatisfaction and the many issues the manosphere talks about? I have spoken previously about not fully believing the manospheres issues but I do think, I do know, that some of them are very legitimate because of things I have experienced in the real world. 

When I look at people planning their lives (in the grand, godly, sense of the world) I can't think that they would not plan to be partnered up and push forward to achieve positive goals together. Nevertheless, this could very well not be what is planned. 

It seems to me interesting the amount of catalyst leading to a change in the way the genders and relationships relate. The number one way that women gain income is through divorce. Women own about 90% of consumer debt. Women vote left and would be the majority pressure for things like experimental medical treatments. Many women, break up 20 year long marriages because they want to buy a lot of things, the guy goes to work all the time to earn the money for that, then the woman feels like she is being neglected by him. 

The female need for resources and the entitled selfishness in absorbing them without giving anything in return seems like it is a very powerful energy at the moment. In America, one state in America decided to ban alimony. I learned that after divorce even when there are no kids involved women are receiving a lot of money into their 50's. Basically living for free due to alimony laws and that about 50% of the men in American prisons are there because they can't pay child support. 

Real world.

I want to say that this pattern is not showing up in my personal life. I had a twenty year old female family member the other day give me an honest and good apology. None of my male friends in their thirties have ever shown a sliver of that maturity, not one time in their lives at least to my awareness. There are other ways I have felt women in my life have shown themselves to do very well. 

Nevertheless, one thing most women show, even those that are moral, is loyalty to the establishment. Another thing is an absolute refusal to move in any way against their more amoral sisters. I think when things move forward, when push comes to shove, I think it is women that will be getting a lot of catalyst, a.k.a "shock" when learning the way the world really works. 

Maybe this is the reason for the dating troubles. The only way society crumbles enough that the deep state is weakened is if guys in general stop giving resources to women, that is kind of happening as men withdraw. This is partly because, men are happy without a lot of resources. If things look difficult they will go to work and live in a room and play computer games in the evening. Whereas, women need life. They want to experience things hence the 90% of consumer debt statistic.

It starts to creep in to giving them consequences for not reflecting on the effects of their behaviours (such as expecting a husband to be both present and earning money at the same time), including voting (i.e. probably voting to tax said husband so he earns less).

I have no firm answers here but it is an interesting thing to consider I think. 

The human design, at least one interpretation, predicts a massive baby boom soon ish. Perhaps this will happen once society goes through enough tension to get rid of the left wing elements. Men start earning, and women are put through enough shock to have a bit more humility.

The spiritual nature of work.

Ah.

For some reason even talking about 'work', I suddenly feel deflated. As though I suddenly had to work and to be fair, I have just stopped with a very "work" style problem. Where a lot of inconvenience has started, that doesn't feel really fair, and that I don't feel is due to my doing, but requires me to do a bunch of stuff anyway. 

Work.

But nevertheless, the way the world works is that with its many confusing areas. It is very easy for something that is actually very negative to be represented as a positive. One example of this I think, is what a lot of millennial children were subjected to. They grew up with a 'follow your dream' mentality, then the crash happened and it was like 'Oh, sorry chap, the place where you go to follow your dream is not in operation anymore, the lights have been switched out due to financial troubles'. 

While it's not clear if everyone 'following their dreams'. Which was the cliche put forward in the absence of boomer guidance. Is possible in good economic times. In practice, in bad economic times, we can say quite definitively that "following ones dreams" to be a musician or movie star or something, will probably land you with a heap of debt and a minimum wage customer service job. 

But anyway. What working life has now become is in a lot of cases bare naked exploitation. The high performers being exploited to substitute the lazy people. Absolutely incompetent managers, that know nothing of management because business isn't A) paying for said managers, B) training managers or C) giving managers enough leeway to actually make decisions and give concessions. 

But this, and working lifes many other problems, are not what work is 'meant to be'. They are, in a lot of cases the result of subtle globalist processes that change the economy. One example is small business taxes that keep new comers out of the market. These are deliberately pushed by corporations so they don't have competition. Another is, through some mechanism, very often immigration. Changing the employer- employee ratio to be very preferable to the employer. There are various other extremely destructive things that effect business.

Then you have a lot of things that are in competition with business, being in competition with business and being represented as better but this, because they are subsidized by taxation. Money is taken from the productive economy to the unproductive economy, where utter ineptness is promoted.  

'To live, to move and to work'.

But at it's heart, as a thing which starts from a spiritual principle, coming from the Law of One then that did have some quotes on this. Offhand remarks mostly. The general statement of 'work' is acknowledged to apply to the definition of work as we would see it. But it is also when people have done spiritual things. They have had the insights and such, and the positive forces. The 'Creator' or the spirits, reply and give something back in relation to that. Like, a new direction and meaning and such.

That is probably a very butchered understanding of the text, but it makes a little sense I think. 

I do a lot of things in my life that are not quite in the category of 'leisure' but don't, in any normally understood sense of the word, qualify as 'work'. For instance, pages and pages of dream interpretation. Years, and a many layered process of transcription, editing and interpretation to arrive at points I believe come at me from the higher positive forces and my higher self. 

Music. I love music. I really, really love music. But it's not fully "leisure" to play it. It involves digging up books about techniques. It involves really quite a lot of hard focus to create songs which, now that I am well enough to do so, has surprised me as to its effort. It feels wholly more productive to spend half an hour freestyle than to spend half an hour working on one of my songs. After which I will be lucky if I get one entire paragraph from and some accompanying riffs and such. But the latter is timeless in a way that the former might not be. It feels very much like a concrete achievement.

Money, money, money.

I suppose music is acknowledged as 'work'. But in general, there is another type of work which is the work that we do to get money. 

As I have said before in this article. I believe that work itself is a virtue; and that the invisible rules of life form around that truth. If I work and bring in money, it will effect those around me positively. It is also one of the only things that properly changes a guys status. If I work and get a lot of money this will effect people in my life that just were not willing to give me any respect. Just assumed, consciously or otherwise, that they were entitled to treat me badly. If I were to work and get money I know it will be one of the only things to palpably effect them (not that I will spend any time with them and re- meet them, but just something relevant).

This is one of the reasons that people who are disabled perceive a kind of unconscious disrespect coming from them from normal people in my belief. 

It is also one of the only ways to palpably change my life in relation to meeting people. The thing that will influence my life positively is most likely meeting others, as it always is. I might meet male friend and share some conversation, and/ or female friends/ potential intimate partners. As we've entered this amazing crash of society a lot of the social groups that meet outside work have disintegrated. If I were to go to one of those as well I would meet, probably nicer people on balance, but often people it feels like from the 'social reject' table in school. When I have gone to work I have been surrounded by mostly 20 year old girls a lot of the time. (Not that 20 year old girls are that interesting, but status wise, that is a very powerful social group!)

Work in some fundamental manner I believe, relates to the concept of 'power'. This is a spiritual and energetic concept.

Gender and reality.

The male need to 'work' is... It is painful. Even though there are male communists about and such, I would say the male need to work is as important and all consuming as the need for sex. I wonder, partly, if this message in itself relates to some part of my path, having astrological connections to one Stefan Molyneux, who talks a lot about the virtue of work and masculinity in relation to that. This links to concepts already discussed, but I don't know if I can go there.

The unbelievable toxicity of the left is, what I believe, is keeping society stuck based on a very fundamental and natural, organic expression of what would be an automatic positive social change if not interfered with. 

Namely, men work harder. They are driven to work harder, and once they have worked unbelievably hard and justifiably earned from that, they should ideally earn respect, status and money. This is the force that drives society forward to a more positive place. Because men have a lot of testosterone. Testosterone drives people to succeed and it also drives a state of constant improvement and men, are very technical thinkers. 

The problem for globalists comes when men are enjoying things. Are in a state of constant improvement, which is related to actually receiving benefit from the work they are doing. They then start working on what the problem is in their minds in a very deep way. Perhaps by publicising the problem, or forming political parties. Moving against where the globalists have acted in nepotism and theft. What globalists are doing in their various parasitical projects, is noticed, and the male mind and spirit starts moving to counteract it. 

Entitled women, taxation, DEI and MeToo throws off that eventual result. But most of these tactics are so incredibly effective that they not only prevent men from moving against parasitical dysfunction. But, actually, destroy and dissolve the entire society and that's what we are witnessing. A system either grows or it dies. There is no halfway. A lot of those in power want this halfway, and they do at least have the amount of power to make a good go of it. But they have mistaken their economic and political power for godly power, and god/ reality can't be mocked. Everytime they prevent movement forward they disintegrate a little further, and this is where we get things like Japans currency crisis. The middle ground cannot be held indefinitely.

Conclusion.

Let me be clear though, just mentioning one potential misunderstanding. Work is a virtue, but it is not a virtue that conquers all other virtues. As an example. One of the philosophies that 'boomers' in general seem to have is 'I go to work and come home, therefore I am as virtuous and innocent, and immune from accountability as anyone can possibly be'.

The boomer 'sin' is neglect of the world in general. It is watching disturbed people that would not be out of place in a hellraiser film, that want to convince young children to cut their genitals off, take positions of powers in schools and boomers doing NOTHING against it when... Whose responsibility is it to fix that kind of thing if not the boomers and when, if not when the problem actually started? 

The boomer sin is passivity and the refusal to stand against evil. To even define evil as evil because that requires active engagement. It is the sin that will cost an unbelievable amount as we as a society are made to realise that evil does in fact exist, probably through societal collapse.

Anyway though. This blog, in a way I think, is one of my forms of 'work'. It is the work I have constructed for myself since disability has lead to a lot of reading and not working in the traditional 9-5 sense of the term.

This specific article is less directed than I expected. So it will have to finish here without a really firm conclusion as to what the point of it is.

The psychology of Walter White. Part 3.

I watched a few of the interviews with the cast and crew of this show and it makes me want to scream a bit. The director, obviously a high IQ human being, says that when you watch it it is your interpretation and him and the cast only have their interpretation. Their interpretations are often quite pedestrian and don't feel correct to me. Which is bizarre. They are more likely to be right than me with their familiarity with the material.

It also brings me to a point about story writing in general. One of the early philosophers, when he wanted to find out the meaning of life. The first place he went was to writers of fiction of the day. He said after hanging out with them that they were morons. He theorised, that the reason their stories were so layered and insightful, is because that kind of creative work is a kind of channeling. 

The director made reference to different writers writing scenes so it is obviously a collaborative effort. There is no single vision for Walters character.

The road already travelled. 

My previous two articles on the subject have said this. Article one: That a lot of the drives that make up Walters life are adequately explained by a suppressed individual with high intelligence. Two: Three things impacting his behaviour. One is that he is more comfortable with violence than a normal person. Two is that he is obviously taking on a narcissistic mask in pretence for various agendas. Which I feel dismisses narcissism as an accurate consideration of his psychology. Three, the show makes reference to, and philosophy itself might bring light to, the idea that what Walt is doing isn't actually explicitly unethical, or at least not less unethical with a lot of common business practice.

On the narcissism aspect, I think the show tries to make us think that in some ways, but I don't think it is true. It is part of the general psychology of society I think, to try and explain normal relationship drama as "narcissism". 

The theory that I come back to with Walter, or the observation I make. Is that there are two strong parts of his psychology. I want to first state that it is just not part of how I think to believe that he went through some sort of mystical journey of accessing his shadow self, and desensitising to violence from being a normal person. I just don't go for that. Genetically, psychologically speaking, we do not go through a lot of those journeys in real life. Someone that is comfortable with a great deal of violence a year into a business like that, was always comfortable with it. 

It seems to me, and I think this might be shown symbolically by the choice of name given to the company that he originally started. "Grey matter technology". What is grey matter? Grey matter is the part of the brain that is responsible for empathy.

I wonder, if Walter is a psychopath. Or at least has a lot of psychopathic traits and a few ways that his character was less than perfect written in. 

Like I said in the last example. Things come to a head at the end of season 3 and to save Jessie, who is upset and wanting to take on truly hard individuals on a moral point. I.e. going to get himself killed. Walter simply runs down a couple of rival drug dealers and shoots one of them in the head. This scene is unbelievably violent. This combined with the other violent things he does throughout the show and very early in the show. Might mean that he simply doesn't have a conscience, and that he conforms to a psychopathic psychology in a lot of ways. 

We see for instance, he is uncomfortable killing Krazy - 8. But this is his first foray into (deliberate) violence. He might not have insight into himself that he is this unusual and he might have a sense of dread doing violent things because he does not yet know that it is not an issue for him. After that scene, where he kills Krazy - 8, he simply cleans up all the issues and leaves a pristine basement for Jessie. Walt is obviously comfortable with violence in a way Jessie isn't. He experiences none of the internal strife that lead to Jessie screwing up the dissolving of the other body. Where Walt would simply have sawed the body in half so it fits in the correct containers. 

This opens more questions. 

One scene that I think shows this well, and indicates that the writers must have had some idea that this was a possible explanation from Walter. Is the scene where the students were having grief over the plane crash and Walter comes in with loads of technical information. Firstly, the technical information he expresses is ONLY accessible in that way for someone with very high IQ.

High IQ and psychopathy seems to fit most of the boxes. 

But next lets go to morality. Because something incorrectly believed about psychopaths is that they are inherently, genetically, driven to be amoral - not just amoral but anti- moral. They have amoral tendencies sure, because of a lack of fear. But being amoral is a malfunctioning strategy. The higher IQ someone has more often, the less violence they will use. This is very true on a societal level. 

So how does lack of fear explain his other behaviours? Well, what is the moral argument against cooking? Is it the worst criminal undertaking in the world? It is, after all, consentual trade. Illegal and immoral is not the same thing (a statement definitely true as the UK government walks around jailing people for social media posts!) It is also not terrible in comparison to a lot of other standard industry practices. I.e. putting poison in food. Raising the prices of pharmaceutical drugs, and many other things. 

I don't have a good answer to this question I am just talking here. Let's say that cooking is NOT that amoral. Does that change our understanding of the situation?

Well, perhaps. His relationship with Skylar basically became she did not like him engaging with an illegal and dangerous business. But perhaps he does not respect that motivation. There are times in a mans life where he feels that a woman, women or general, and/ or his wife, has engaged in irrelevant neuroticism and he just kind of ignore and routes around it. 

This outlook might be relevant to a lot of the things that happened in the show. Hank didn't get the best deal when coming into conflict with Walter. But we see no real cruelty of Walter to Hank. Hank was just getting in his way in a sense. Hanks morality is very simple. If it is illegal then it is immoral. So Walt simply finds his way around Hank (remember Hanks eventual end - the killing of Heisenberg, was not Walters doing!)

Manipulation.

We do have to come to Jessie. Something that cannot be jettisoned from any understanding of Walt. To this I will admit that Walts behaviour towards Jessie was extremely unethical. 

But at the same time, if we take down the mythology of a super criminal mastermind away from his other behaviours. If we compare him to other normal behaviours in the world it might bring some light.

Two things that have influenced Walters behaviours. Maybe three. One is that Jessie is very skilled and has been trained by Walt. Remember that Todd was not able to pick up cooking like Jessie was, and Todd was eager and not specifically tagged as not intelligent. Jessie is probably quite intelligent as well, and that's probably what drew him and Walt together subconsciously. So Jessie represents a very valuable employee of sorts. 

How are valuable employees actually treated in the workforce in general? Are they exploited? Are they given false promises so they work hard for no reward? Are they sometimes tricked into staying in non preferential situations by managers who don't want to lose their working capabilities?

Second. Walters worst manipulation of Jessie, the poisoning of Brock, happened when he believed his family could be killed by Gus. A lot of us don't know what level we will stoop to if we were threatened with that kind of violence. 

Third, some of the last scenes with Walt and Jessie specifically when Walt hands Jessie over to Todds uncle. Well, that is because Jessie "snitched". It is not right, but Walt is now involved in a culture that sees things like that. Also, Jessie if allowed to live would have gone straight back to the DEA; and Jessie has caught Walt once before. 

Jessie was involved in this line of work before Walt came along. 

No excuses.

I am not saying that any of these things excuse Walts behaviour. The fact that high value employees are often exploited, does not make it suddenly moral to exploit them. But we can see a cause and effect here that does not take in some of the more ridiculous ideas floating around about Walters psychology. It does not mythologise his manipulative capabilities as the "narcissist" (i.e. Devil incarnate), or add in some irrelevant mythology about a normal person becoming a drug kingpin.

That's probably it for Walts psychology. There might be some other interesting things to not about other aspects of the show. I've been thinking of doing a youtube video with the actors human design talking about their characters. That is interesting. The human design shows heavily because... what else is there? If you are familiar Hal, the same actors character from another show, Malcolm in the Middle, had other very similar traits as Walter White. Which was used to explain why the kids in that show were such terrors.

But I can't see anything that needs additional explanation from Walter White himself per sey.

The psychology of Walter White Part 2.

So I wanted to finish this article. Or at least do part 2. I could always do another part.

But this is the video that will be the jumping off point for today, Youtube: Moon: Breaking Bad tried to Warn you:

https://youtu.be/ljQmp2TMamc?si=2UDQekSAR-cQHQW6

Summary:

This video was good and has come closer to what I have thought. But it is not the same. I have watched another video that says something to the effect that Walter White was the devil incarnate as well. 

One of the things the creator of this video says is that the symbology of the show shows that it is a metaphor for the corporate world. With Gus and his whole two face thing after he gets blown up! 

This is something that I have been thinking about lately. My previous article made the point that the male quest for status is very strong, and combined with the side effects of Walters intelligence, this is a large part of his motivation and what traps him on the course of action he took. 

But there is one barrier that I can see in considering Walter as a normal person that just got messed up in things. That is his comfort with violence. 

Violence.

Close to the end of season 3 the show is meandering through semi political mundane discussions. The action has wound down. Walter does not need to engage in violence because Gus is handling all the particulars of the business. 

But, as often happened in Breaking Bad, circumstances took an unexpected and brutal turn and suddenly, Walt has to act. He has to save someone from getting hurt and when he does. This is absolutely unbelievably violent.

While we see Jessies various forays with violence lead him to taking more drugs and cracking up psychologically. We see very little psychological distress from Walter at any point from his various forays into violence. Blowing up Tuco's building, it seems he just did it and then went home and went to bed. After discussing Todd killing a child with Jessie and saying that it was terrible and all that, we see him comfortably whistling while cooking a few minutes later. 

In my last article, I excerpted a video that threw around the term of 'narcissist'. But I don't know if I see that. We see clear indication in Season 5 that Walter is attempting to put up a false psychopathic front when he tells Skylar infront of the police that he killed Hank because Hank "got in his way", because Walter always wins. Walter is not comfortable saying something like this because, perhaps, morally, it is a bit sick, and he has shown a lot of care, flawed as it may (may) be, towards his family. 

It also seems to me as though the show is trying to indicate that Walter is a narcissist, giving us very easy recogniseable points such as the gaslighting with Jessie and Skylar. But in the small print making it clear that he definitely is not. When Walt tells Skylar at the end that he cooked for himself and gave her and the audience a kind of moral "out". A way to blame the "narcissist", and not have any deeper perspective on the situation. 

But does it agree with the facts? No, it doesn't. Walter was clear early on that he was cooking and then intended to get out of the business. He tried it a lot and it was only unpredictable elements of the situation that kept him in said business. Plus, his only motivation through a lot of the show and his stated motivation is in fact providing for his family.

But the narcissistic behaviours he does show. Skylar being trapped in the way she was. Does give an easy plot device of this being an "abusive narcissist". But what other explanations are there here?

Morality:

One thing in the video included from today, is to reframe the moral situation slightly. This also annoys me when talking about this subject in youtube comments with people.

When Walt started cooking he had to do it. I cannot think of a more moral position to take than to try and take care of your family, to prevent them falling into masses of debt and to look after your son with cerebral palsy. 

The moral framing is this. That pharmaceutical companies are doing exactly the same and they are not illegal. Or that they are generally amoral. 

This can go further in relation to something else I heard about philosophically. That if the government tells someone to do something it does not change the morality from if the government had not told them to do that thing. 

This goes for the army and the police. The society has a very enabling view towards the army in my perspective. But, well, I don't know if that can be morally defended. 

Finishing up.

Anyway, I have more to say but am going to leave it here. But this is the beginning of how to frame the conversation on Walter. Before we can say what is going on we have to say what isn't. What isn't going on, by my estimation, is that the business Walter is in is specifically more unethical than a lot of normal businesses. Also, I am not taking narcissism to be his motivation. Since we see a clear reason for him to falsify narcissism in creating the myth of "Heisenberg" (Werner Heisenberg? Going to come to some symbology as well later).

Do people change?

Todays video that I'm going to comment on: Dr Ramani, SCIENTIFIC REPORT: Data that Narcissists REALLY don't change:

https://youtu.be/fVO_pAsIeis?si=B7p-6WjgtKtUFCf-

So, my question:

My question here is... Do people ever really change? Does anyone ever change or are the patterns of our lives just too well worn and compulsive for all sorts of unseen reasons that we are just... What we are and there's not choice about that?

It reminds me of a borderline girl that I knew that killed herself who acted pretty mad while I knew her. It gives me some small insight into her choice when I consider that that bizarre thought process she had and that manifested in her life previously to me knowing her, was something she would have been stuck with every single remaining day of her life had she have lived. 

It also makes me think of myself. I have bizarre sexual fantasies. These are not going to change I know that. I also have a disability that has improved recently with technology. So my literal physiology is changing. But will my personality change along with that? I am already far more calm and such. Far more able to concentrate. But will that make me seem like a different person or just the same person who is calmer with more ability to concentrate?

It's an uncomfortable feel but I suppose it makes sense in a lot of ways. Like everyone, when people have been acting in a strange way I have expected them to see the illogicality of it and snap out of it. 

I suppose the only thing that can then change is... the sociology of it all. If divorce laws were suddenly changed so that women didn't get such an easy ride then some behaviour would change a little no doubt. A lot of economic incentives are perhaps set up so things don't change as an example. If things changed so more small business was allowed to flourish, then the people right now that are willing to make a small business, if the economic conditions are favourable, would go through a bit of a status change. Which in turn would change some peoples model of the world, and the behaviours of some people surrounding them. 

It brings me back to an earlier blog where I showed the human design chart in relation to some people and how some really unpleasant characteristics in others were just sitting right there. Not anything that could be defined as "not self". Like, the actual hexagams in the persons chart. 

That's all! A short blog today.

The psychology of Walter White. (Part 1)

Another post bouncing off a youtube video. This one is by a youtuber called 'Psychology with Dr Ana' and is titled 'Walter White, when narcissism lies dormant'.

https://youtu.be/MnXXglMXdoI?si=Cuh1wrRranMkgGk6

Inner wounds.

I have a little bit of a past wound in my life. The past wound was due to a behaviour within myself that I was not aware of at all before it happened, and it lead to, what might have been a positive behaviour that could have averted something negative. This is, that I underestimated the potential benefit a kind of 'female wisdom' can bring. There was someone in my life that needed the sensitivity of women, a sensitivity and ongoing focus on emotions that I explicitly DO NOT have, and I didn't think to alert the right people as to this situation. 

In some small manner this relates to this video. This womans run down of Walters behaviour, if you have seen Breaking Bad (and there probably will be spoilers in my write up here) is... fantastic. Until I got to the very end of the video, I wasn't fully impressed, I was still trying to work out Walters behaviours. But on her conclusion I realised, that she is "right enough" for me to give this viewpoint serious consideration. Like, to assume it is basically correct for the moment. 

What is going on with Walter?

There are still things that I am thinking of in relation to Walter though. Again, this will probably be more interesting if you have seen Breaking Bad. 

Firstly, the great male need for status. It is something I am reflecting on now my medical condition is improving. Is it not the need for status that has basically built the entire society we live in? Men, who wanted a family, and a position of status in the community, will work all hours god sends doing very difficult work. Of course, when the left comes along and decides that the result of your labour has to be taxed then that stops. Or that the guy in question can't even be hired then it definitely stops. But, nonetheless, that is a separate tangent; men, in general, have a carnivorous, all consuming, and desperate desire for status, which, if not met, tends to become anger and bitterness. 

In this manner, Walters behaviour early on in the series strikes me as though this is the mechanism at play. I think a lot of people would look at this need for status in a deeply feminised world we live in, and not recognise it as legitimate, but I think it is a legitimate drive. 

There is also another element that I think is very relevant to Walters psychology. Walter, is a genius. He is very intelligent. The show made some priority in making sure this was known. He cooks a better product than any other drug dealer because he is smart and we see that in his past, his focus on chemistry and obsession with it, that only genius' really experience over such a seemingly dry subject, is a big part of his person and thus his psychology. We can see he was smarter than Gus' other chemist who was no slouch.

So we can see someone that is very intelligent indeed, who likely did contribute to a multi billion dollar company at an earlier point of his life, living a life where he teaches chemistry and what does he do with that intelligence? Well, he has become a mundane person, he works in a car wash, he teaches chemistry to students that are not interested in the subject. His intelligence likely goes around in his head and drives him mad, but it likely strongly contributes to his negative feeling and his deep, malign, anger.

That's what's eating him.

The way I see it, this is the poison that is eating him. His cancer arrives, he cooks meth, it recedes, he stops cooking meth and it comes back on the dot. The suppressed potential, the "something to do with my brain" is the thing that is eating him, and the expression of all that anger in his criminal life, that allows him to be effective is what relieves the monster in him. It's what feeds it and satisfies that dark urge. It is allowed to feed on the world, rather than feed on him. 

Against that backdrop. There were a few decisions he makes that did not make sense or that might be labelled as narcissistic and are status linked, but they make sense to me and are, in fact, quite satisfying. (I really liked him being nasty to Gretchen, perhaps that's a bit cruel of me!)

We see that he rejected his ex business partners offer of assistance, of being given a job with health coverage. We see nothing in the show that indicates this was a status game or that it was anything other than kindness on the part of his ex business partners. They are rich and - good people. Something not always shown on the big screen. Very sheltered and naive. 

I think his business partners offer that showed Walter appropriate respect for his intelligence, was a good one. 

Nevertheless, Walter probably did not want to experience himself in a subordinate position since he is a genius. Even though this is destructive and illogical, and generally rejecting the, probably legitimate "love" of his friends, I understand that. He wanted to be a player in the difficult, dangerous, drug empire he was engaging in, that few others would be able to thrive in. He wanted to outsmart his brother in law amongst pretty much everyone else. . 

Computer trouble.

This will be the end of this article. There are more thoughts on his general psychology that might go in a part 2. But I have had computer trouble. It is fixed now but it massively broke my concentration and I can't go back to writing this article so it stops here.

Irredeemable malaise.

I can't quite get my mind out of the dump. I can't quite rescue myself from an apparently irredeemable malaise at the moment.

I'm talking about that here because, as a theme, it's a good jumping off place because as I discuss tools that might improve things or what might be happening, if others are interested they can apply it to their lives. 

Consistency.

I had the idea today to go back to main astrology a little bit. To go into the retrogrades and oppositions and such to try and bring out some pattern as to the current situation.

I used to be so into astrology and it is silly, now thinking of it, that I have now started to neglect that part of myself. Even though medical improvements and more advanced astrology has changed my perspective on these things. There is still something good about mainstream astrology. 

I wonder a little if everyone else is feeling the same sense of drudgery that I am. It's not just a sense of drudgery but, two things at the same time. One is a greater sense of connection. The other is a lack of connection in a different way. In that I feel I am becoming more connected to myself, my body, more grounded. But I feel also that some mystical positive "higher" thing, is suddenly less accessible.

Things went pretty crazy almost precisely on the Mercury retrograde. It is the first time I have had a Mercury retrograde and the manifestation is outwardly positive that I can remember. Previously, with eerie accuracy. Job and career based things that go wrong have happened on Mercury retrograde. Either I have got a bad job that didn't go well on the retrograde, Mercury retrogrades veil going over the interview process. Or, my employment has ended in some way related to said Mercury retrograde. It also tends to correlate with political machinations that are a bit depressing and I suppose this time is no exception. 

This time though the job stuff, although a bit grinding, is quite possibly positive. We'll see how it goes though.

Another issue is that, someone I believed in a great deal for about two decades, David Wilcock, whom I have talked about on my youtube channel, has turned out to be a really nasty person. I have mentioned David before in relation to transiting Saturn going over his Sun and a few other things in Pisces. Transiting Venus soon to oppose transiting Saturn might be expressive of this especially in relation to how Davids female following will handle the most recent news about David.

On top of that is health unpredictabilities that are a side effect of having increased my exercise. (Mercury inconjunct Neptune?) It is hard to manage with my condition although should be fine over the longer term. Also, fell out with my sister. Which wasn't particularly pleasant. 

I expect the sister thing is likely in relation to transiting Uranus and things transiting that (since I identified a Uranian area of discussion to be relevant in said conversation!). But, on a more basic level such a deep and personal thing will be many things, there are like, central moral points so it goes a bit deeper than transits perhaps. 

The world changing.

The thing that I have seen a lot of on twitter recently is discussion of conspiracy types of things. With the crackdown in England it excites and angers people in that direction. Not just discussion on immigration though but also, discussion on things like coming health crisis, and the ongoing results of previous ones.

The central frustration of the larger supernatural world not manifesting is still present. But also, the sure and certain knowledge that after some medical mishaps in the future are revealed it's going to be such a huge thing that the world will have to permanently change, and that is when I expect real world information on supernatural things to come forward. 

With that awareness though, especially when shown the true destructiveness of this. It makes me realise how a lot of people will not be able to confront this and I have had moments of real stress in relation to this. Like moments of "why can't the next few years be just a bit quieter?"

Anyway, that's all I am thinking at the moment.

Meandering.

Not sure what to write here, feeling strange. 

I am doing my communion late this week. Part of the reason is that I have "intuitively" not felt that it was right to do earlier but... I think sometimes pushing against what "intuitively" feels right is correct. Because intuitively can just be being very sensitive. 

I still don't feel it's right to do but I am doing it now. Sometimes some part of us just resists the higher positive forces. 

Anyway, so fairly recently I wrote a post where I aired my anger against various things in the world. I identified this post later as probably not correct and part of my kind of untuned week. Not having played enough music. 

But, there is some relevance to it but just, nothing that can gain the position of becoming manifest. Yes, I am annoyed at a lot of this passive aggression but bringing a voice to what it means just doesn't seem to flow correctly.

Clicking into place

The way I think it is best to process these things is through music and various other things. This is what has struck me lately. 

Things are kind of clicking into place. For one, I am exercising regularly. I have never been able to do this before and this will make a big positive difference. It is about basically increasing my energy so I can take on challenges. I am also playing music regularly. As something that is relevant, sometimes I play for an hour a day, and I can get to a stage where I am not thinking in words. 

My thoughts though are about how we handle the great amount of trauma that most of us are experiencing. Have experienced. I think, one of the first barriers is that, in order to gain any solidity to our wounds, especially the more abstract things that need to be articulated. The subtle things. We need to give ourselves permission to have them. 

As I have said before, the world likes to not give us a right to those wounds. Either by minimising them. Or by simply not acknowledging them, perhaps by putting them in a losing competition with someone elses pain. I remember having been bullied at an office job by women and the general attitude is that women are the victims so no one else can be a victim. 

The other one that I mention is forgiveness without contrition. If you are emotionally blackmailed and cajoled into saying you forgive something and the other person has not even acknowledged it. It is invalidation. 

On a basic level, in order to have your own emotions, in order to feel that you even have a right to your own emotions on an animal level you need to have strength. When we do not have strength and are reliant on others we have to yield our emotions to some extent. If I am living at someones house and not paying rent, and they want to borrow something of mine, then I have less leeway to say that it's mine and they can get bent, as an example. I might have some leeway. But since the other person has the power, the emotion cannot be solidified that something is my property. 

In the internal world.

The slight strengthening I get from doing music and such, from my health improving, allows me to feel that I have the right to some of my feelings and that feels GOOD. I can't describe the intimate feel pleasure this is. These are my emotions and I have the right to them. If a bunch of girls in an office job behaved to me in a disgusting way, I have the right to dislike them. 

It is, super comfortable. It is a cold feeling. Rage. But still comfortable. Like, I have noticed when I go to the gym, I get a physical sense of a grounded reality that is very strong. Not particularly pleasant but comfortable. I wonder if I have been processing things while I have not been so well in a very female way. 

But, the reality of the day to day. I am poor. I have few prospects. A lot of people have bullied me. A lot of people have treated me like dirt and I am not obliged to be any kinder to them if I am ever in the position of power. 

It is a journey, a process. I have started writing music. It is a surprisingly slow process. I have always written music but I am laying it out better. Organising it better. Working on the same song over a period of time and things. 

Many, many of these songs are unbelievably dark and I don't intend to sing them to others. I intend to use the playing of them as a mechanism to practice writing songs. I think maybe the songs that come later will be more presentable - my technical proficiency on the guitar is improving and with improvements these things get written into songs. Lyrically though, there is a lot of this substance. This rage. I do not feel like it is over yet. I feel like the next song I write or dredge up from an audio recording or physically written notes will probably be just as seething and dark. 

But, it is still healing. 

Articulation.

The process, the eventual end goal I assume is to express all this in a way that makes it positive. In a way that something that was irredeemable and dark becomes useful. Like a Johnny Cash song. It is also about strength. In this place can I work day after day in more of a thankless existence and just adapt to it? I wonder if it is what every man goes through at some point. 

And that's all I have to say. I wonder what Communion will bring in! 

These thoughts are part of a larger structure of things that I want to talk about. But have not put together yet.

Fitting in with life.

So, on my ongoing semi schizoid need to express myself, this is the next video that I thought I would chat on:

https://youtu.be/ndKdSEr0BrA?si=D8PR72I6s1Ei6Pyr

If it doesn't "embed" then the video was by a woman named KarolinaWrites and is called "You messed up, now what?"

Strange life:

It's a strange life we are currently living and as such, the things that seem to me to be valuable are... also a bit odd. A bit hard to explain. 

My past is too complex to explain in any depth so there will be a lot of shortcuts here. But, in my past, I was kind of in the manosphere. I say "kind of" and I mean "kind of", (I have had dreams for, against and somewhere in the middle with information related to such concepts), my life is that eccentric. But I remember talking with a woman and having a lot of my manosphere beliefs just taken down. Pulled apart by a set of cute ducks and several of those pieces pecked to death. (While admittedly some of the larger structure remains, or was even moreso proven.)

She wasn't trying to take down my "manosphere" beliefs. She wouldn't even be able to conceive of what they were, it just wasn't her headspace. But her frankness about her own experience showed me that a lot of what I had believed about women was just flat out wrong. Some of it was not precisely wrong, not technically wrong, but was not correct for a reason that couldn't really be articulated. 

But there is a lot of value I think, partly for this reason in women expressing what is going on with them. There is also something nourishing about that lifeforce. Now this girls immediate preceeding video as of this writing was called something like "I was a horrible person to my ex" and it got 2.5K views after three days. This video, has been up about four hours and has something like 20 views. The need for emotional outrage changes the conversation so much. 

Lack of life.

With this womans last video I had wanted to say something and I thought about it a bit. Finally saying that I have a disability so had not experienced treating someone crappy in a relationship. But trying to draw my own experience in, and in reaching for some way to connect used "I" in the paragraphs about fifty times. 

The reason this is is kind of simple. What is the best thing to do if you want to say something to someone: Connect directly with their experience. I don't have any experience to draw off so that was rejected. What is the next best thing to do. Perhaps to give thanks or analogies to your own experience that matches their experience. Like many of the other comments did. That is rejected as well. The next best thing to do is to draw off an experience that is similar but not the same and with all this reaching, reaching but without the experience actually being there, it becomes an excess of explanation of my own internal world. 

Which leads to a kind of "arrested development".

There are ways around this and this blog, the youtube video, music and a few other things do route around this for some reason. So I need to keep at these things. The music is a valuable skill and when practiced with enough intensity, changes my tendencies in communicating with others. The music becomes so intense that I am not quite thinking in words anymore, then when I go back to the real world I speak less. 

It also focuses my mind in some manner and allows me to engage in coursework type of activities. I literally stop blogging partly to engage with those more and end up doing it less because I'm in more of a fog!

Conclusion

I have determined blogging to be of value for this reason partly. But I am struggling to get the 'motor' and momentum running again. We will see how things go in general. So I just made this short post. 

I am intending to make a video soon I am very excited about, that talks about how many different sources seem to encourage a kind of 'psychotherapy' route and what we might gain from comparing and contrasting. Might be a little while before that is up though. 

Update.

I'm not sure what went so horribly wrong in the last week or so. I think what happened is that I had a choice, on a busy day, whether to go to the gym or to do some music. I chose gym. I think that was the wrong choice. My "channel" switched off thus the immediately last incredibly strange post.

After a lot of prayer, I realised I had to come back to making videos and blogging. Now I do exercise casually, and do music seriously. 

Not much to say as of this moment though. My personal "work", my attempt to change myself, is to focus on taking things less seriously in a sense and to make things less 'me' centric. Such as when I do a post on someones youtube. To 'grow up' you might say.

Music helps with that a lot. After an intense music session I am not so interested in talking in general because of the profundity of the music. Exercise has a good effect of making things feel more relevant and objective but, since it is so body based rather than spirit based, it feels kind of "young".

The "moral highground".

I have not been producing any information for a little while now. What is to be written has simply not been "there". Like, not having received a package. There is nothing to be written, therefore, I cannot write anything.

But I have pushed internally and this is all I have come up with. 

I am, in a small way, that I don't know if is accurate, thinking of hanging my hat up when it comes to this material. I will explain why in an analogy of sorts. One that revolves around some personal insights.

Global politics:

Global politics is happening and is about to kick off. This gives me a huge social advantage I believe which I will come to. 

The UK riots will not settle easily. There are hundreds of towns that have had a bad experience with Islam in general, and immigration secondarily, and the sex trafficking happening in many of these English towns. The global stock market is about to crumble to the point that the "normies" will find out. This is all starting in Japan and seems like it is pretty crazy. Global war has a real possibility of breaking out as well. Russia has been selling powerful weapons to Iran. 

The main point I will be talking about is the "moral highground" in much of this piece. A small examination of it. The additional insight that it is, in almost all of mainstream society, strategically confused with the idea of animal power. Like, the in group considers itself to have the moral highground that it enforces through numbers. But animal power and true virtue/ ethics/ morality do not belong with each other. There is animal power on the one hand, there is what is good/ ethical/ true on another. 

I will come back to how this global political situation changes my personal life. 

Destiny and this material:

Another issue that I have thought about for a while is; what is going on with this material and my personal destiny. I.e. the kind of things I would read in a chart, how does that apply to my life?

Well, I have often thought this kind of material is shown, metaphorically, by my south node in my normal astrology being in the sixth house. This is effectively my "service to others". Having gotten that concept from the Law of One material. 

"Service to Others" seems to be a concept that is so positive and illuminating that it can't bring against it any criticism. BUT, I have the south node in the sixth house and nothing else there of the main planets (I have Eros and Nessus there as well, not conjunct the South node!) I have described, on my youtube channel, my attempts to apply this material in the real world to the concept of "healing". Despite as positive as the concepts seems to be, it might turn out to be kind of codependent and useless to me. As in, I will still practically be "service to others" but with a huge awareness that I cannot be that in a lot of the practical ways I imagined and that the concept itself suggests. 

Individual linkage to this material:

Now, I'm going to get to the crux of this matter. 

Something is happening that is deeper than the shallow way we might have envisioned, been taught, since we were young, about how the world works. The fact that the global situation is changing is somehow deeply linked to our personal lives I believe. 

For me, I will explain something personal to illustrate this. In the past few years, I have, not consciously, mostly by coincidence and aided very heavily by socially significant events I have no control over; been manoeuvering myself into the position of the moral high ground amongst the people I have been in communication with. 

This feels like, in a way, an immune response to a certain situation out in the world. I will do a little separating out of connected concepts here. As I surmised earlier, in a lot of our society animal power, and the moral highground go together. This is enforced and often, not challengeable, or not easily challengeable, in all sorts of subtle ways. 

But the two concepts as they connect to me that need to be separated is this: A) The moral high ground in the personal and relating to the political sense. I.e. the assumption amongst main stream individuals that they are morally superior and you are "weird" because they follow the mainstream viewpoint. This is pushing against a campaign of gossip where you try and be nice to people, and they are kind of a little positive but they make snide comments and are always above you in some subtle unacknowledged way.

B)  The lack of personal animal power that I have: I have a medical condition. That is getting better now finally, for perhaps the first time in my life. Due to this, due to a lack of money, relationships etc. It gives more tools to those seeking to subtly, or even quite openly, minimise and disrespect me in relation to the concerns in the last paragraph.

The snide upper hand:

There are a few interconnected manipulation tendencies with this that would be worthy of a game theory style explanation. For instance, one tactic that is used in this subtle game is to put the other person on the back foot by constant subtle disapproval. It's things like, you are communicating with someone and sometimes they just stop communicating with you and you are always on the back foot and trying to kind of guess where you went wrong. The goal of this tactic, I believe, is so that you only express what is acceptable to said individual in order to be 'let in' to their social life. But as with many of these tactics, it is never stated outrightly, but often, they want the person on the backfoot to accurately guess. It is against their power games and self image of themselves to say "Do x or we are not friends". But communicating 'intermittantly' and getting you to guess is within their reach as a manipulative tactic. 

I was working on a theory once upon a time on how this effects the chart by switching off the "projector channels". But that is not for now. 

Another is 'pleading to emotions'. Like, no accountability is taken. Just 'you change this behaviour because it effects emotions'. Then it's like, in response, a response that will be ignored: "but there are practical, logical considerations here, you are ignoring".

Another is, just a kind of invalidation of your being and an absolute conviction that they are right. Like, you wouldn't bring up the thing that is 'off the wall' because it would find no purchase. If this happens again and again over a range of subjects you just deflate before you even bring it up. But it might be relevant.

Another is playing the victim more directly. Just always having a victim story and being uber sensitive all the time and not communicating. This tactic is a kind of gaslighting in a way. Or, it's not gaslighting actually but it has the effect of gaslighting. This tactic can only be used if there is something on the table. People have to motivate towards the person with this tactic because it's presence in a way forbids the 'victim' from being over active in initiating contact. They are always reacting never, with positivity and strength, reaching out. 

All of them.

But imagine every single one of these tactics being used in support of a left wing mainstream narrative. It would require quite a long time to individually challenge these and other tactics. Quite a force of intellectual rigor to set up defences against it. 

But that is what I have done. 

In the long term of being dragged down and tired from interacting in these ways and a kind of constant eggshell walking. Bear in mind, that these tactics are all passive in a way. They all have a common theme that gives them strength. Out of those tactics, if the person relating the 'snide' individual, is outward and positive and with less secrecy and agenda. The person using the 'snide' tactic is not like that. They gossip. They benefit from things not being said. The mainstream narrative of course benefits from things not being said. It's where "I don't want to talk about it", strengthens the snide individual. It's where lack of challenge benefits them.

There is a strong weakness to this though. The weakness is that the 'snide' individual, will be unethical, and they will think more short term. In the moment they might gossip about someone and use this to justify being unpleasant towards them subtly, but one or two years down the line perhaps, or longer, if that person sends back a long list of things the snide individual has done. They won't be able to justify everything. Because a lot of it felt morally righteous in the moment when given the benefit of gossip. But over the long term and with the evidence of these things all laid out on a page; it is not defensible. 

This means that if the other individual does have a stronger position on the 'ethics' front then they will eventually win said battle. 

Both of these points are very important because they carry over two separate areas of relevance. One is politics and that's why stuff going on globally has impact. The other is the personal life and the discussion of ethics and such. Which is such a strong part of life that it is everpresent. Since evasion has been referenced as a tactic here, it can be done in the latter case, but the former can be tricky. I will come to this as well. 

The amount of intellectual work that has gone in this article I feel is similar to how much must go into these real life battles.

So down to real life. 

Personal story time then. Over the past few years but the story really reaching back a decade or further in some cases. I have eventually putting together a framework to deal with this. This is more than 50% the benefit of the work of Stefan Molyneux. 

It is relevant like I have probably stated a few times that I have had an illness and part of this illness has caused massive anxiety. It has also greyed out my memory a little. Probably due to difficulty in replicating without the medical condition, the emotions I have had in the worse states. 

But really, the crux of what I am talking about is this. In relation to individuals I have dealt with, I have put myself into a position of moral highground in several ways and importantly, I have blocked the door to interacting with people unless they change. The way I have done this is to ask them to justify, ethically, their decisions in order for me to interact with them. This is not something they are in the habit of doing. 

There is, a really difficult and what sometimes feels like a nasty element to this. As an example. If this process had been done with an individual. If you good naturedly ask them to justify their ethics, and they don't or can't, but they don't like the situation emotionally. Then you might be tempted to ignore that, but it is obvious that it is completely illogical to ignore that as well. Like, you don't have the freedom, in a sense, to go with your own emotions at all. 

It is yet a long time before I can get to why this links to global politics changing my desire to do blogging. But I will continue. 

The thing with this 'nasty logical element' I just mentioned, is that even if there is a lot of temptation to not go with the logic. The logic is kind of unflappable. So if the person has some sort of power and status, charm or whatever, most people will not be refusing them. But someone that is following this process will be. So there is a potential for an ugly response, or realisation, here.

The tactics:

So, like I have just mentioned but will go back to. Due to my bad health. I have kind of been through this process with people twice. Once when I was not that well, in the more intense way. But just to be sure that it wasn't me I tried to recontact a bunch of people. Many of them behaved exactly the same.

But these are the kinds of things I am talking about. With the reason for them. 

The people with 'snide' tactics can only interact if people are coming towards them. Trying to be nice and help them... "Service to others" even, you might say. The reason for this comes down to justification. If they are going to judge the "giver" (let's say). They can't be that active in the relationship. The snide individual can't phone the giver a couple of times and go out for a drink with them because if they do, their usual subtly judgemental tactics the giver can then say: "Hey mate, you were the one who called me, it wasn't the other way around". So they need the giver to do a lot of the work. 

Really sounds like I have been dealing with the dregs of society. 

But they can still protest if the giver stops putting in any effort.

The tactics largely involve interacting with them, until they reach the point where some positive good thing is requested from them that they are unwilling to provide. An ethical justification is one. If you are going to behave in xyz manner then what abstract moral principle do you submit to? Otherwise, are you not only your emotional preferences? That are not ethical and have not served us well, so far.

Another is apologising. You apologise to them, they don't apologise to you. Then six months down the line, where you have apologised and have evidence they haven't changed their behaviour, (on the implication it was your past behaviour that was holding everything up!) you can call them on that if you need to. 

Another, which is coming for someone that is very flakey and slimey. Simply holding accountable. If I said x and you said y, that means you are saying z. Not forgetting, not budging. Making it clear that if someone is to behave like this they have virtually no utility. 

Bringing it all together. 

Might be the longest article I have written on this blog. (2439 words up to, but not including, this sentence).

I have felt like I am 'the giver' in a lot of situations. One of the things that happens, and how this links to politics and one of the common patterns in this. Is that the 'giver' is trying to communicate and talk about things. Philosophies, power, freedom etc. And the other person - (I won't go as far as saying snide for this example, I will call the mainstream person). Is not contributing anything, but taking the mainstream position and dismissing the givers perspective. 

So this might be a conspiracy example. When the conversation come up the giver explains their research. A video they saw, evidence of some sort. The mainstream individual puts it down and does not want to talk about it. This means though, that the information the giver is trying to impart, doesn't see the light of day. 

This can extent to a lot of different areas. Immigration is an example. You won't get a mainstream person to acknowledge statistical facts about it. But it goes into personal areas as well. We all know, for example, the mainstream narrative is that women do no wrong. In certain situations, bringing up things women have done in your actual life, will be shunned in this manner.

So this, over a long period of time. It has collided with me in different directions. One is pretty amazing and positive in that I tend to not focus on conspiracy too much which is kind of toxic for me and I enjoy things like playing guitar and focusing on my own life instead. It has gotten so advanced that I genuinely don't want to talk about these situations often, I feel it would be difficult for me if I tried. This is very positive.  

There is an interconnected non positive feeling though. The kind of rage of not being acknowledged when you have something legitimate to say. The knowledge, and a small awareness, of deliberate pushback from the other to prevent you from bringing these things up. The 'mainstream person' will get increasingly sensitive, not less sensitive. They won't discuss the area in a muted way one day and then six months later be able to discuss it a bit more. They will grow more sensitive. The six months later, they will stop the conversation earlier, because they cannot defend against the givers points and are wound up about it.

A few other bits. 

I think, my health is a holistic thing, and the 'design' side, the side in red in my chart, is the side effected and 'switched off' in a sense, with very bad health. Now that I am switching back "on" more, I think the red in my chart, the complete channels all below the throat, is pushing me to go more animalistic in a sense. To relate to real life more. 

When I started blogging I was blogging at llresearch and I was young, and far ahead in Law of One terms. I was well received and was given status in a sense. Perhaps, probably even, illusory, but status nonetheless. I am not getting status from this anymore. 

I have wondered a little bit if my blogging and youtube have a bit of a sunk cost fallacy to them. Thousands of blog posts and at least hundreds of youtube vids. Coming away from it, not continuing on it is admitting that I have wasted time in a sense. Not in an accurate sense since I was ill that time would have been wasted no matter what. But in an emotional sense all the same. Justifying what I have been doing with my time is something I think about. 

There is more to this though.

Not all 'mainstream' individuals I would classify as 'takers'. A lot of losers I have known take the most mainstream perspective, but within the number of mainstream individuals, are what I perceive to be fairly good, productive and intelligent people. 

Even so though, in the paradigm conflict I have discussed. The people with the most mainstream view are "giving" less to the conversation. Oh, that thing you experienced with women? I'm sorry that doesn't exist. Oh, you are interested in global politics? I have no idea about any of that. The medical treatments were nothing but positive. 

The steps to get people to discuss the possibility that there might be a political change that would change our lives is just not there. That perspective would also includes a lot of optimism and such, rather than resigned misery of the mainstream.

At a certain point, there needs to be some sort of response to my material. Acknowledgement of the paradigm of this infinitely complex and mysterious universe with positive higher forces. 

I DO NOT think people that have read thousands of words in these blog posts are like that. But I do think, that is partly the case with my youtube channel. 

The problem with democracy in general, is that sometimes, people are idiots. Just stone cold morons. I have heard it said by Chris Williamson that male self help material is all about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and female self help material is that you are a special princess and the world should adapt to you. The latter being extremely ineffective and essentially harming the people that subscribe to it. BUT, they are the ones that choose it, buy the material. And anyone advising young women of any hard truths will probably be shunned and have to go over to the manosphere, if that's their perspective they don't want to part with. 

One of my most popular youtube videos was about the dream rave. The dream rave is something that I recall that Reddit human design 'A wretched hub of scum and villainy' was not able to get easy answers on. Not able to download anything on for free. 

I think the way people are absorbing that information is to just take it in, and not have it change anything about themselves. Their viewpoints remain completely mainstream. I also think that, on a subconscious level, I have wanted to change the viewpoints of people as my 'service to others' to move our society into a better place. But, I do not think that that will happen through my videos, or output in general, anymore. But I DO think it will likely become a thing, now that we have all this global political turmoil about to happen.

Financial Crash.

I don't know how legitimate this is, as I have said I try to stay away from this kind of thing. But as I have been writing this article (for two hours now I think!) Twitter has been alert with pretty big news of financial crashes. It might have "arrived", the world changing event. 

In exactly the same way that with my personal situations with people, I put others on the backfoot by the stuff talked about under the 'tactics' heading, I finally wrestled peoples arrogant belief they are right, that is linked with their political beliefs so that THEY are on the backfoot. But in a larger sense it is not me that is going to do that. In a larger sense for the remaining glut of normal people, they will be more strongly influenced by real life events.

No more carrot, now some stick. 

To conclude. I have before written about not doing any of this anymore. But it strikes me being inspired to write a complex, about 4000 word article on it might be indicative that, this is a deeply held and real sensation to me. 

It is my birthday later today (5 am here!) The only thing that really makes me interested (potential Freudian slip there though "interesting) is music related things. Manuscript paper, pages of manuscript to write my songs. I like raw milk cheese. I have, in my meditations, had insights recently that a kind of remaining narcissistic perspective (but probably a defence mechanism against illness) needs to fall away. The statement was "As you accept your mediocrity, you lose your mediocrity". 

These blogs and such, this output linking back to when I was on the llresearch forum believing I was Don Elkins. Are a way for me to deny that. That I am really not that special. Or even if I am special. I am not particularly capable, and will unlikely become a famous genius from doing this kind of thing. 

Anyway, so that's that. We'll see how it goes. I might write another article tomorrow knowing my normal compulsivity. But I don't think so. I might not ever write again. 

But I don't think so.

But these are some thoughts nonetheless.