I have a problem. That for most people would not be a problem.
Part of the reason I do all this is that the paths that I originally felt were good for me. Music, meditation etc. Have been blocked off. The reason they have been blocked off is that I met someone who I believed (and they told me very distinctly was true). I believed was on my life path as a 'soul mate'. But who preferred to use that wisdom to harm me instead of help and the situation involved was very unpleasant.
But, yesterday I met an attractive girl. A REALLY attractive girl. I have not met a girl so attractive in about ten years. Not just attractive but intelligent too. I felt very much that there was an openness and pleasantness not there with most girls I have met. Who was pursuing who? I don't know. But I was delivered in casual conversation a time when I would be able to meet her again when there would be less people around.
Why is this a problem? Well, the reason I stay away from music, deep personal astrology, meditation, spiritual teachings etc. Is that I have to keep the parts of me down that are related to the original situation which some people would consider schizophrenic and probably have me committed for (but would end up positively if allowed to run its course with the acceptance of those around me). This is every bit as unpleasant as it sounds and the 'soul mate' involved is complicit in this and would also like to see me committed I believe (whom also got others to threaten physical violence against me)... Horrible human being.
My model thus far is that I need to gain a position of higher power over this person before I can relate to them again. (So if telepathy or truth detection was admissable as evidence in some sort of court, that relates to these things, I would be in a good position.) I can prove absolutely disgusting behaviour allying herself with negative entities if I was given the chance to do so! If I can't gain a position of higher power than her then just waiting it out until I die and using the space between lives to do some of the justice of some sort. Things really have gotten that unpleasant.
Regardless of that, the reason I don't do meditation etc. Is not to unlock that part of myself. It is very unpleasant not being able to do the thing I love in this world: Music.
However, it is likely I will ask this girl out (the attractive one I just met). I have not had that button in myself previously that holds back these sorts of things. To me though, sex, and love, are likely the same as all this meditation effects. It might unlock the unpleasant situation I still need help with. Either that or I won't be able to do the sex because of energy reasons. Regardless, it is difficult to fight your biology. I have not had so much as a smile from a girl in years, and my patience with their endless games is at its end point. So this morning I have thought of nothing else. Not politics. There is a positive feeling and a feeling of dark dread overlaid, since I can't control my situation.
Woe is me huh?
Synchronicity in all this related to 'negative density'!