Ah, a bit broken.
Because partly medical difficulties, having a knock on effect, I have lost discipline in an area that I feel gives me extra lifeforce and have masturbated, something I do not do.
I admit that on this blog because it is a spiritual teaching of mine to not do it. Each time I believe genuinely it will be the last time and now I am marking the date and time, 20th of May at 01:10 (Ah, that's now 16:03 on 20th May, and honestly, while the medical knock on does have an effect it is not the reason which is about me, have to take responsibility!). That I will not masturbate again.
Feeling a little hopeless in relation to world events but that's nothing new for me or many others.
(I also looked at a few porn memes I also will stop).