Narcissism in the HDC

I definitely need to write everyday, this is ridiculous.

The "mind" in human design terms keeps telling me there is no practical reason to do this. But there is an overpowering urge so I do it.

Todays video, as always if it doesn't embed, Youtube, Richard Beaumont, "Are you a narcissist according to human design?":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1_1QdciYKg&t=10s

Narcissism:

There was a time when this video would have annoyed me quite a bit. 

But that day is not today. Things move on. 

My experience with narcissism came when I left my 3rd line phase as a 6/2. I had been working in an office job and been bullied there but subtly. Bullied by women. The way this had happened was that anyone that I tried to talk to was directed not to talk to me. The group had socially ostracised me right from when I started working there. I was not invited out with the group for the first six months when they were having weekly meet ups, and everyone else that worked there would go to those within the first week. 

This went on for two year.

I suspect a manager that saw this this was part of the reason she left. After I went out with them once then the bullying went right back to how it was for one and a half years. When I left I discovered the term "narcissist" and it not only explained those women. But it also explained other childhood friends and other things I had been strategically socially ostracised from.

As I grew older, sometimes these individuals would state the reason they disliked me was to do with politics because later on I did get into politics in a very fanatical way. But, the ostracism begun before I got into politics. "Narcissism" made a whole lot of intuitive sense. 

Scrambling to make sense of my world now that my physiology has so completely changed, for a while I completely discarded the idea of narcissism. But as I write this, I am wondering if it should be returned to? I do have the 12.5 after all: Which counsels to "not abandon the lesson learnt when the phase ends".

Real life.

 

I liked the term "narcissist" to the idea of the "wicked" man from the bible. It is a symbolic word. I do not think it is a coincidence that the dominant word we have for an abusive personality is an extremely archetypal and symbolic word. I think there is a huge part of our lives, our unconscious, that is metaphorical and symbolic. I understand that psychologies attempt to "sciencify" itself is not considered correct by some very intelligent and knowledgeable people. Psychology is more of an art than a science. 

The term 'narcissist' is based on Narcissus. An ancient Greek figure who stared in the lake, at the beauty of his own reflection so much, that he didn't attend to his other bodily functions and died. Like I said, narcissism is a metaphor, it is not always discussed in its characterisation as an actual pathology.

My experience after leaving the office that I just mentioned, is the attempt to justify within myself the absolute malice that I had been subjected to. This was something that I found hard to process and that I have found no real answer for. There is no answer to evil! Especially with someone like me.

But what I did find was a way to interact with individuals that have these kinds of behaviours. A somewhat unkind way of dealing with the world but a functional one. That is part of the question I think. The fact that there are people like this in the world, how does this impact our behaviours?

Bringing it together.

So what are we looking at when we look at narcissistic behaviour though?

Firstly, there is no individual signature that makes a person a narcissist, and there can never be? Why? Because you can't find a metaphor in the chart. The chart, for all its abstract mysticism, actually explains quite objective things. Does a person have the "work and sex" grounded energy (sacral)? How do they function with health concerns (spleen)? Do they know when and how to express themselves (throat)?

Narcissism exists in a place between a lot of these questions because, narcissism is about what's hidden. Narcissism is not about what is mysterious, because mystery is something that unfolds and is usually a positive thing. Narcissism is about what's secret because no one will admit to negative intent and evil mind games. 

The not self

And what I would be looking at is the not self in general. When I say not self what do I mean? Well the not self in the normal human design is a concept that is altogether too abstract and nonsensical but I believe I can add in what it really is. The not self is when the individual, in some undefineable way, starts to change their intent from the good of those around them and from good in general, down to some self centered and destructive aim.

Then what happens is that various parts of the chart are twisted, not to serve the whole, not to serve "god" whatever we conceive that to be. But to self the self in some way that is hard to articulate. 

Which makes it hard to find in the chart obviously. Like I said there can be no individual circuitry that shows a narcissist, because narcissism is such a "broad church" in descriptive terms it can mean almost anything. Grandiosity (pure generator) Gaslighting (Projector) Discard (Manifestor). It is a term that people use to process either, in the positive, harms with negative intent done to them, or in the negative, their own narcissism and inability to admit fault.

But some things that might be relevant to the chart:

A) Sacral types, the defined sacral, generally likes to be "right". If they are right about an empowering philosophical concept then this might be a very positive thing. They might be a light unto others. If they are right about an interpersonal conflict, or even right about EVERY interpersonal conflict, then this will become toxic. 

The sacral is very much about "who is the bigger animal". To the narcissist, this is always them. But there are many positive applications of this thought process.

B) Gate 18. In the positive these people are kind and are better at advising without actually obviously advising than anyone you are every likely to meet. In the negative this is a crab in a bucket mentality where any expression of positivity by others is dragged down and "corrected". 

Channel 53-42, and gate 36; the incredible need for experience leading often to those individuals being callous with those around them, not being there for the difficult times. 21-45 - The ability to articulate if someone is not offering anything of value in trade terms in a sometimes unpleasantly jovial manner. 60-3 The intense focus on the self that can obliterate an awareness of the relevance of other individuals other than the self. High sex drive is rarely an aid to ethics in my view and the format channels do have high sex drive.

Gate 45, a shallowness and party like personality. Projectors in general and their slimy indirect way of dealing with things. Because if you are beholden to the groups energy you have to make compromises. Emotional authority in general and all it's self obsession. The undefined G and the inability to generally understand and apply moral concepts in ones life.

There are also transits. Chiron and Neptune I have mentioned previously in relation to cultural narcissism.

It goes on and on, because we are not describing narcissism we are describing the "not self" and it's ability to twist everything good about the chart and redirect it towards its own agenda. Which is often driven by conformity and need for status and/ or sex. 

There are a few points that will make someone less likely to be narcissistic in certain ways though. Single definition means someone will have less internal conflict and thus less need to project onto others. Not having too much energy will make someone less likely to be narcissistic in the intense and carnivorous way. Subtle mind games are always an option though.

Strong G Self function perhaps with parts of the incarnation cross in the G- self will make someone ethically focused. Defined ego is more likely to mean someone can fight the world and does not attempt to handle their pain by leeching off others.

But no matter how positive the chart is. There is always an option for bad behaviour.

Conclusion:

I am having a bit of a dark moment with myself recently. Health problems, physical health problems might be pushing this.

It's a weird sensation. I have been having extremely intense dreams for a long time now. One of them I might have mentioned was a literal "hell" dream with torture implements not even imagined in a Hellraiser film. But it feels like I am trying to process and articulate just unbelievable darkness. 

It might be several things. If I believe this is useful to others in general I might blog about it, but as such, as of this moment, a lot of the thoughts I feel would be overly self centered to communicate. Like using my blog for therapy. 

But the reason I am mentioning this now is that after my health improved and I realised I had been unbelievably stressed (and distinctly paranoid) in my life before that time, I jettisoned this learning on narcissism. I used to feel bad about myself the many hours I would spend on Quora reading about narcissism. But now I look back on it I feel a positivity to that as thought it was time well spent. 

But personally, I don't know. The thoughts and questions on peoples behaviour are starting to come up again. Now I am more healthy of course, I can message people and try to interact with them, and if I am met with the same behaviours I got upset with before, even though my behaviour has changed and become less anxious, then I know that it is actually them, it is not just me.  

Prayer is almost always an aid in these kinds of questions.