The Significator.

The material I am about to talk about is so profound it is something I am mindful not to discuss directly because there is a risk for violating free will. 

But, the people that are following me, if there are any and it is not google algorithm fixing (as has happened previously with google blogs and viewcounts), The people that have followed me know they are getting some stuff of this kind of spiritual vibration. The constant processing of the human design chart and Law of One, so that might in some small way alleviate the pressure of assuring free will. Also, as I say every time I am quite the flawed individual in comparison to the Law of One channel, not nearly as "angelic" and with no authority. So that also pushes back against that issue. 

The Law of One archetypes. 

That what I am about to say is not more widely discussed and known is something that is quite the mystery to me. If people are in fact intent on learning things such as the human design. But in 1981, there was a powerful channeling system known as the Law of One. It was deeply theological and was an unconscious channel so more correct. It also had the same name that the founder of the human design changed his name to and was likely the same angelic source, so it stands to reason that things in the Law of One would explain things in the human design.

Alas no dice, no one is interested, except me. Perhaps this is my message! 

Anyway, in the last book, where the Law of One system was left. Was that the highest thing that we can do to increase our spiritual progress is study archetypes and to do that one would use the tarot, astrology or Kaballah. The human design adds additional power to this by not only unifying those three systems but adding in far more depth and context, such as the I ching and bodygraph. Truly, it seems likely to me that if you are studying the human design properly, like having insights often, spiritual progress is not an option. You are going to progress.

Nevertheless, going back to the tarot, this is, I think, from memory, the hexagrams 35, 45 and 12; This is the significator of the mind:

 

Before the "veil" there were only three of each archetypes. The matrix, the potentiator and the significator. That is, the conscious mind, the subconscious mind, and this, the answer. There is too much to explain here. Now, after the veil, there are seven of the mind, and the significator is not even the end point. I won't go into any of the myriad of other sets of information that might apply here. I will only talk to the significator and how I think it is relevant to life.

Each of these cards, these bases of the tarot cards, has a lot of metaphor within it to talk about some aspect of life. I will talk vaguely in terms of what the Law of One said about the significator but it is a violation of free will to be too explicit about this I believe. There is reference in this card to Christianity, or at least a bases for some of Christianities beliefs (I.e. the system and knowledge before it became part of Chrisianity). 

But, what it essentially means I believe is this, at least what I have taken from it: Before people find something that brings meaning to their lives (this could be religious or not), they will tend to persecute the things that are good in their life and be positively improved by the things that are negative. 

Negative catalyst.

This is, uncomfortable, and it makes a huge amount of sense. It almost justifies a kind of quote unquote "psychopathic" approach and pushes back hard on any codependent tendencies. Bear in mind here that this is partly my interpretation. It only hints, it does not say in this card that this reversal tendency stops at all when a positive viewpoint is discovered.

But I think that, Christianity as an example encourages appreciation.

But this is what I think it might mean in practical terms. Amongst a lot of 'normies' in life that haven't discovered a coherent philosophical framework that brings a meaning to life. The natural tendency will be to respond more strongly to negative catalyst and to take advantage of, and respond negatively, to positive catalyst. 

Examples abound but I won't go there. 

It is also possibly true that amongst the normies, it is unpleasant negative experiences that improve them. If what we are doing here is attempting to grow in service to others polarity. That would make sense. 

Letting go.

It solves a lot of real everyday problems. Have you ever had someone that you tried your best with, tried to care about but they just didn't really like or respect you? Eventually, you will separate from these people and potentially, they will go through difficult experiences as they meet the results of their own actions. We have all seen this behaviour. 

In general, as someone that was once politically and conspiracy inclined, I used to experience quite a bit of upset over the fact that negative things in some manner are likely coming (market crashes and stuff) and people are utterly unprepared. They have not stood up and investigated the lies told to them. 

This also is the case when it comes to finally telling people that you are not going to see them anymore when they have screwed you over. Of course, negative catalyst might not always be the thing. There comes a point where it traps people if there is no way out. But, to think of it like this I think is a little helpful. In the "unawakened" person with no moral framework, experiencing crappy things might be very good for them. While we can set boundaries in a sense for ourselves and perhaps go no contact, we do not want to be the ones providing the negative catalyst; and the world is only too happy to oblige in that space.

It's just something to think over. No contact, for me, in a lot of cases has been the only option. Perhaps because it is other people initiating it, even if not directly. The only thing likely, or the only thing that might, just might, change this, is an increase in wealth and status. Illness might prevent that. 

But it is something to consider, something to think about, in our many interactions.

Narcissism in the HDC

I definitely need to write everyday, this is ridiculous.

The "mind" in human design terms keeps telling me there is no practical reason to do this. But there is an overpowering urge so I do it.

Todays video, as always if it doesn't embed, Youtube, Richard Beaumont, "Are you a narcissist according to human design?":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1_1QdciYKg&t=10s

Narcissism:

There was a time when this video would have annoyed me quite a bit. 

But that day is not today. Things move on. 

My experience with narcissism came when I left my 3rd line phase as a 6/2. I had been working in an office job and been bullied there but subtly. Bullied by women. The way this had happened was that anyone that I tried to talk to was directed not to talk to me. The group had socially ostracised me right from when I started working there. I was not invited out with the group for the first six months when they were having weekly meet ups, and everyone else that worked there would go to those within the first week. 

This went on for two year.

I suspect a manager that saw this this was part of the reason she left. After I went out with them once then the bullying went right back to how it was for one and a half years. When I left I discovered the term "narcissist" and it not only explained those women. But it also explained other childhood friends and other things I had been strategically socially ostracised from.

As I grew older, sometimes these individuals would state the reason they disliked me was to do with politics because later on I did get into politics in a very fanatical way. But, the ostracism begun before I got into politics. "Narcissism" made a whole lot of intuitive sense. 

Scrambling to make sense of my world now that my physiology has so completely changed, for a while I completely discarded the idea of narcissism. But as I write this, I am wondering if it should be returned to? I do have the 12.5 after all: Which counsels to "not abandon the lesson learnt when the phase ends".

Real life.

 

I liked the term "narcissist" to the idea of the "wicked" man from the bible. It is a symbolic word. I do not think it is a coincidence that the dominant word we have for an abusive personality is an extremely archetypal and symbolic word. I think there is a huge part of our lives, our unconscious, that is metaphorical and symbolic. I understand that psychologies attempt to "sciencify" itself is not considered correct by some very intelligent and knowledgeable people. Psychology is more of an art than a science. 

The term 'narcissist' is based on Narcissus. An ancient Greek figure who stared in the lake, at the beauty of his own reflection so much, that he didn't attend to his other bodily functions and died. Like I said, narcissism is a metaphor, it is not always discussed in its characterisation as an actual pathology.

My experience after leaving the office that I just mentioned, is the attempt to justify within myself the absolute malice that I had been subjected to. This was something that I found hard to process and that I have found no real answer for. There is no answer to evil! Especially with someone like me.

But what I did find was a way to interact with individuals that have these kinds of behaviours. A somewhat unkind way of dealing with the world but a functional one. That is part of the question I think. The fact that there are people like this in the world, how does this impact our behaviours?

Bringing it together.

So what are we looking at when we look at narcissistic behaviour though?

Firstly, there is no individual signature that makes a person a narcissist, and there can never be? Why? Because you can't find a metaphor in the chart. The chart, for all its abstract mysticism, actually explains quite objective things. Does a person have the "work and sex" grounded energy (sacral)? How do they function with health concerns (spleen)? Do they know when and how to express themselves (throat)?

Narcissism exists in a place between a lot of these questions because, narcissism is about what's hidden. Narcissism is not about what is mysterious, because mystery is something that unfolds and is usually a positive thing. Narcissism is about what's secret because no one will admit to negative intent and evil mind games. 

The not self

And what I would be looking at is the not self in general. When I say not self what do I mean? Well the not self in the normal human design is a concept that is altogether too abstract and nonsensical but I believe I can add in what it really is. The not self is when the individual, in some undefineable way, starts to change their intent from the good of those around them and from good in general, down to some self centered and destructive aim.

Then what happens is that various parts of the chart are twisted, not to serve the whole, not to serve "god" whatever we conceive that to be. But to self the self in some way that is hard to articulate. 

Which makes it hard to find in the chart obviously. Like I said there can be no individual circuitry that shows a narcissist, because narcissism is such a "broad church" in descriptive terms it can mean almost anything. Grandiosity (pure generator) Gaslighting (Projector) Discard (Manifestor). It is a term that people use to process either, in the positive, harms with negative intent done to them, or in the negative, their own narcissism and inability to admit fault.

But some things that might be relevant to the chart:

A) Sacral types, the defined sacral, generally likes to be "right". If they are right about an empowering philosophical concept then this might be a very positive thing. They might be a light unto others. If they are right about an interpersonal conflict, or even right about EVERY interpersonal conflict, then this will become toxic. 

The sacral is very much about "who is the bigger animal". To the narcissist, this is always them. But there are many positive applications of this thought process.

B) Gate 18. In the positive these people are kind and are better at advising without actually obviously advising than anyone you are every likely to meet. In the negative this is a crab in a bucket mentality where any expression of positivity by others is dragged down and "corrected". 

Channel 53-42, and gate 36; the incredible need for experience leading often to those individuals being callous with those around them, not being there for the difficult times. 21-45 - The ability to articulate if someone is not offering anything of value in trade terms in a sometimes unpleasantly jovial manner. 60-3 The intense focus on the self that can obliterate an awareness of the relevance of other individuals other than the self. High sex drive is rarely an aid to ethics in my view and the format channels do have high sex drive.

Gate 45, a shallowness and party like personality. Projectors in general and their slimy indirect way of dealing with things. Because if you are beholden to the groups energy you have to make compromises. Emotional authority in general and all it's self obsession. The undefined G and the inability to generally understand and apply moral concepts in ones life.

There are also transits. Chiron and Neptune I have mentioned previously in relation to cultural narcissism.

It goes on and on, because we are not describing narcissism we are describing the "not self" and it's ability to twist everything good about the chart and redirect it towards its own agenda. Which is often driven by conformity and need for status and/ or sex. 

There are a few points that will make someone less likely to be narcissistic in certain ways though. Single definition means someone will have less internal conflict and thus less need to project onto others. Not having too much energy will make someone less likely to be narcissistic in the intense and carnivorous way. Subtle mind games are always an option though.

Strong G Self function perhaps with parts of the incarnation cross in the G- self will make someone ethically focused. Defined ego is more likely to mean someone can fight the world and does not attempt to handle their pain by leeching off others.

But no matter how positive the chart is. There is always an option for bad behaviour.

Conclusion:

I am having a bit of a dark moment with myself recently. Health problems, physical health problems might be pushing this.

It's a weird sensation. I have been having extremely intense dreams for a long time now. One of them I might have mentioned was a literal "hell" dream with torture implements not even imagined in a Hellraiser film. But it feels like I am trying to process and articulate just unbelievable darkness. 

It might be several things. If I believe this is useful to others in general I might blog about it, but as such, as of this moment, a lot of the thoughts I feel would be overly self centered to communicate. Like using my blog for therapy. 

But the reason I am mentioning this now is that after my health improved and I realised I had been unbelievably stressed (and distinctly paranoid) in my life before that time, I jettisoned this learning on narcissism. I used to feel bad about myself the many hours I would spend on Quora reading about narcissism. But now I look back on it I feel a positivity to that as thought it was time well spent. 

But personally, I don't know. The thoughts and questions on peoples behaviour are starting to come up again. Now I am more healthy of course, I can message people and try to interact with them, and if I am met with the same behaviours I got upset with before, even though my behaviour has changed and become less anxious, then I know that it is actually them, it is not just me.  

Prayer is almost always an aid in these kinds of questions.

Men, women and loneliness.

Maybe I will just continue using youtube as a jumping off springboard for blogs. It is my "curse" in that I just have too much to express in general. I think that as I engage more in technical endeavour that will start to receed a bit. But at the moment, this was the video that I saw recently and had thoughts on

I did comment on her video but after predictively getting no likes or responses, I deleted it. I do that a lot now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybhHfHEgwpY&t=1s 

The video if it doesn't embed is "Women choose to be alone and men don't?" by a channel called "GirlfriendGuide4Guys"

The woman, in my view, is trying to bring in an altogether too profound viewpoint to the subject matter. She basically tries to bring in the larger theological viewpoint in things like "Do we really have free will?" Variations on this is something I've wanted to talk to people about before but have not been able to.

So, the argument that she is kind of working against I suppose is the one in the comments. That women have a bunch of men in their DM's and can settle down whenever they want, and a lot of guys simply don't have any option. Women give them no attention. Because they perhaps are not attractive or some other perceived personal flaw. 

It is interesting I think to bring up the free will argument in general. One of the things that I would take to bring up a proof against a female perspective, perhaps when they are lambasting some male trait they don't like. Is to outline female hypergamy and ask the woman if they have any free will choice against that? It's not a loaded question. I don't quite know. But the woman does not have the "free will" to not like the muscly brute and to instead like the nerdy accountant if that is what gets her going. She may have the free will to choose said accountant. May, again I can't see inside her. But she does not have the free will, at least I don't think, to actually on an animal level prefer said accountant. 

It was interesting I think, that the comments section focused precisely and only on intimate heterosecual relationships when defining "loneliness". I think this shows precisely the problem with men in general.

Mens problems.

The manosphere has some legitimate, very powerful grievances. Some that are legitimately bad things and are a result of state power. Such as DEI hiring and unfair divorce laws. Some that are biological realities. Such as that a low status guy will get no attention whatsoever. No respect from either gender often. Whereas a pretty girl of any particular status can get a lot of views and likes for truly pedestrian viewpoints on social media. 

The latter I think is a significant area of relevance in these discussions. Not only in it's relevance to the low status man but what happens when a low status man does gain status and succeed? Often, in my understanding, the hypocrisy of dealing with the change in behaviour of those around him can make him extremely hard and unpleasant. An unpleasantness that is in my view perfectly justified and that the world often deserves. But it is not functional.

But that's not for now. The thing I notice about the manosphere and it's expression of its various problems is that it is very efficient. It is well explained and presented. It is very good. But that's because men are technical thinkers. They look over a problem, even a global problem, and unconsciously form in a kind of army like strategy to handle it. Thus you have different individual creators carving out slightly different niches in the same area. All under a kind of unified umbrella and having incorporated impressive features such as Pew research statistics and such. 

Then you have an army on men on social media that parrot these things. 

And the women?

Now contrast this with women. What do they have? Feminism? The French feminists running around cleaning naked. These people are not just an embarrassment to feminism. They are an embarrassment to humanity. 

Do they form into a neatly strategic group like men when wanting attention given to said problems? No, they really don't, they go on Tiktok and make themselves look stupid with exaggeration.

Women do not have the same problems as men and perhaps, with the globalists prioritising women so strongly they don't have as many problems of the same intensity as men. But they do not have zero problems. Female competition is ruthless and cruel. Female instinct towards caring can be exploited very cleverly. Their problems are NEVER placed into a global significance like mens are.

I have some ideas on what their legitimate issues might be but it is not for me to day. Suffice to say though. That one of the problems I think women face is of their legitimate problems; they can't articulate said problems. And against an army of aggrieved men who can and have and have theorised preferable female behaviour into their world view. There is not much defence that can be had. 

Where am I going with this?

The point I am coming to here, is that, despite all the many complaints of the people in the manosphere and comment sections on videos like this. In my everyday life I have not been impressed by men in general. 

I have had mostly male friends in my youth. In fact, in my teens I had ZERO female acquaintances (but my other male friends did). As someone with a disability who has been in and out of hospital, how many times do you think I have been visited when I did go into hospital by said "male friends"? I don't even need to give you the number. You already know. That should tell you something. 

They're not even interested if I had a medical issue and went into hospital or a dodgy blood test. I would be, if a friend or family member was in and out of hospital.

I have generally been treated with an ongoing lack of respect by men. I have an old school friend who had a divorce recently and we met up and I kept trying to arrange things with him and he kept flaking on me. This guy is left wing so he supports the very system that would fleece him in divorce courts. 

Most of my "male friends" and even male family members, have been utterly useless, and I genuinely hope I never see them again. They are either not inclined, or not capable, of apologising and relating like an adult if there has been a conflict. 

I don't just see this in my personal life I see this online as well. I remember a woman saying that her boyfriend gets deflated after he puts a lot of effort into Christmas and then people getting him pedestrian presents like shower gel and such. Then you get all these nasty old male boomers (not a single woman would say this kind of thing) saying how pathetic this is and that men are meant to be tough and not be appreciated and such. 

Boomer old males on these Manosphere comment sections: You are the weak men that created hard times.

Walking back?

Are women much better? Are male grievances illegitimate?

Well, on the male 'loneliness' epidemic. Cry me a river, seriously. The men that act like my examples in the previous section deserve to be alone. They deserve to be lonely if they are nasty individuals like that. 

I believe there are legitimately a lot of good men out there who are probably stuck in this system. But they are far fewer than the men out there voting left and cowtowing to nasty women and screwing over their male friends. 

But, yes, that statement indicates there are nasty women. I don't really know with women. But I can say that when I hear actual stories of their relationships there is more to it than the manosphere represents. I knew a woman who couldn't orgasm with one of her partners and - he didn't care. He just didn't care about that. This is the kind of thing that doesn't "fit" in this extremely narrow worldview. 

In general, I feel and find with women, that a lot of the time there is just this ongoing deathly shallowness with them. It's the kind of thing that leads to loneliness because the things that we have to do to give ourselves long term benefit, are not shallow. They are a little boring and require work. The shallow girlfriend, that is a lot of fun to be around, will not be around with you after you reach a certain age and she can't take you to parties (because she has to put her best foot forward with the chads she wants!). But the kind of boring guy, that you could have hung around with, has a good possibility of yielding long term benefits. Also, to reject this possibility is to reject a kind of heartfelt 'goodness'.

This does not even have to be romantic. It could be friends, family etc. Also, this "boring" guy, especially if, like in the earlier example, he becomes successful and less boring, has every right to ignore the girl if she needs something later... Hence, loneliness. She doesn't have the female friend, or the guy friend, at that time. - and relationships are transactional. She did not give anything to the transaction at the earlier time.

Conclusion.

The essential conclusion to this question is that I really don't know. But I have summarised why I think that the world probably is as it's meant to be. I fret a bit about things I don't feel are fair. Horrible diseases and such. But I can't honestly say that if men and women are to show these kinds of behaviours that there shouldn't be a consequence to them. 

As to the free will aspect. Is it possible that a lot of women that follow this strange pathway have no free will to be otherwise? No one is educating them and it's not clear that one can "unshallow" themselves? Well, that is a question that is beyond me. It's one that I can't answer and hence, that I don't care about.

Healing games.

So I watched this podcast and I had some thoughts on it. Really as much 'thoughts on this podcast' and also, a jumping off point for my own blog. This is planned to be too long to comment on the youtube video which was my first instinct:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHLaxz8OQDQ

If the embed isn't successful then the podcast is youtube: Human Design Coffee Talk: Episode 17. Everything is on fire. 

To my thinking. This is quite a 'good quality' podcast. It connects very spiritual concepts, like the human design and various other things. With practical, even mundane, grounded reality. Non sacrals it feels, often, to their detriment, can float away from that, and I make it a priority to appreciate this aspect of generators.

Before I begin with what I want to say, like my jumping off point. I just wanted to note that at the beginning, the brunette (visually far easier than Theresa and Abbie is Brunette and Blonde respectively!) Mentioned that she had gone to a Teal Swan event where Teal had made a prediction that Trump would be 'the last American President'. This was yesterday I think and on twitter today, there are multiple clips of Trump saying to Christians: "Get out and vote, this is the last time you have to do it I promise. We are sorting it out so you don't have to do that".

Of course, the term after the coming 2024 elections is 2028, which is one year after 2027, and the human design has a lot to say about 2027!

The puzzle.

My thoughts on this area have been so intense that I am going to divide them into separate "puzzle pieces" and put them together at the end.

Puzzle Piece #1

The first puzzle piece, and I suppose I should express this partly for just relateability reasons is I have had an absolutely horrible day. During the night I had a medication mishap. Which put a lot of additional pressure on me as I slept. As a result of this I felt I was in actual hell. Rife with torture devices not seen in a hellraiser film! This is not the first time my imagination in that area has shown a rather brutal creativity. I was spending time with victims of these torture devices. As a result, I feel pretty bad at the moment. As well as this I have been trying to get back to a positive baseline spirituality. Which I seemed to have moved away from due to a bad health habit I yielded to. I did a communion on Friday planning to do another tomorrow and it will be the first time I have done two communion in a week.

I have never had a problem with alcohol though (in normal non university halls of residence, amounts!), so I might crack open a beer while I write this!

I will be mentioning this though in relation to a Law of One commentary on 'entropy' as an energetic construct. Stay with me here! 

Puzzle piece #2

Wow I have had a weird life. Lacking in almost all the markers of a "normal life". When I was young, I remember being quite frustrated and during a spiritual moment when I felt "connected". A kind of prayer moment I asked what the point of all this is? What am I doing here?

The next day something was different and everywhere I went I had a vivid awareness of peoples auras. This was very strange to me. Completely unusable since I had no use for it. I was not yet able to articulate, like I have done on my youtube, precisely why I don't feel I am suited to being an energy healer. I did not see a use for auras outside energy healing and I was getting distressed. So I closed the ability down. 

I did confirm this accuracy a few times with people. Sometimes by predicting things people did. Sometimes by direct conversation and confirming things with people. 

One type of person I could not see into often though was attractive women. It would just switch off and I would see nothing, no energy field, on a woman in my own age range. I will come back to this. 

Puzzle piece #3

My health condition has a gritty animalistic side to it. It encourages unbelievable anxiety, mood swings, and is known to mess up the brain a bit - I believe it was related to literal schizophrenia as alluded to in puzzle piece #1. A lot of my younger life has been spent in feelings of unbelievable anxiety and not being able to articulate this. But also, my youthful testosterone got mixed up in a very stuck animalistic sense and one of the things I recall well is not being able to separate things in my mind. Everything was mashed up together. 

This is also related to/ shown by perhaps, I have the gate 58.2 in my human design. A line which produces endless perversity. This is in an undefined centre. It was also mixed up with some real events I won't go into. 

A big problem with this was how compulsive it was. I certainly was not in a good enough place to pull myself together and go out and get a sexual partner. Nor the inclination. I worked and slept a lot of the time and had no idea why I could not function. 

Puzzle Piece #4

As I have mentioned before, I used to follow a guy called "David Wilcock" back in the day. However, even though this guy has done a true service to the world in promoting the Law of One. He is also a con artist and scams people out of money as documented in some detail by a man named Steven Cambian. 

There is a frustration here for me in that I take the work of James Randi, for instance, to be correct. There are some things that are legitimately supernatural. But there are many, many more claimed to be supernatural that aren't and I have been lamenting on various outputs that it is really "distressing" in a sense to not be able to get any actual evidence of the supernatural. I have looked a bit into healers and I find them inspiring. Rather like that fictional healer Sean Farrell in "The 4400". I feel that this is the best avenue to find this proof but, at the same time, I suppose, I realise that I have to rely on higher positive forces for this aspect of life. I.e. the actual proof.

Last few puzzle pieces.

Two other things. First is that I am worried that I may have problems with my eyes. I see a health specialist for this. I need to have an appointment soon. Another is that I have someone, a friend of the family, I have contacted again recently, where, before I lost contact in part due to her extraordinary flakiness. For "reasons" there is good reason for me to be in contact with this person. 

Putting it all together.

This whole puzzle piece style is how a lot of my material works. Especially my youtube channel. But I realise people might not have taken it in. 

So why the video? How does this link? Let's start here. In this video, the brunette was talking about something called 'German New Medicine'. Which sounds like a kind of Louise Hay but with the added education of evolutionary psychology and trauma expertise. Louise Hay has come up recently on twitter. This modality of looking at physical symptoms and such as a nudge to spiritual life was discussed in several channels of, I believe the same entity. But I'll only highlight one of these. The Law of One. 

It was also talking about having mega insights and I suppose this is my mega insight.

Any ideas on how these all link? We can see skepticism and Auric seeing. So there's a link. We can see eye medical problems and auric seeing. But I suppose beyond that it is not obvious. How does this 'flakey girl' fit in? Where does the hell dream fit in?

I have one more thing to mention before I put it together. In the transits at the moment. There are a few exacting points actually. But the one I am going to mention here is that the south node is in gate 18. This links to the gate 58 for those familiar with human design. I will come back to this. 

The story:

Let's start with "Flakey". As something that is factually going on in my life at the moment. Have you ever dealt with someone super flakey? It's like... I sent you a message and you did see it, and I will out passive aggressive you if you are going to expect to not have that acknowledged. I don't know if that will be how our conversations go but, that's the kind of feeling you get. 

It's strange. As I get less intense and obsessed with everything, per puzzle piece 3, I kind of value not getting annoyed about that kind of thing. But it is still an issue. 

Well, to start with, those dark feelings I got in puzzle piece 3 have linked me with flakey. Not that I have gotten fantasies about engaging with her like that. But, there is a link. Many stories have secondary characters not engaged in the action per sey, but perhaps adding to the perversity. All those stories are deleted now. Have been for a year or so. 

The hell dream though is where it all comes together really. Puzzle piece one is what happens when puzzle piece three is escalated to the point of entropy! This is how energy can be handled in the Law of One. Because those fantasies I mentioned. They are hell. At the normal level they are a bit perverse but those things always escalate. That's where they escalate to. They escalate to hell! This is how I stop them becoming an issue. I process that.

I believe having this darkness in me was what prevented me from auric seeing attractive girls! I have not seen one yet which I have been attracted to now I am experimenting with the ability again. But it's my suspicion. 

This is the link then. The darkness I talked about has been stimulated out of the 58.2. Up to the transiting south node where it has been dismissed to hell!

And what I think the eyes thing is about is that, it could be that a physical problem with the eyes is a result of suppressing the ability, to "not seeing" with the spirit. Followed by not seeing in the physical. 

The sick darkness has kind of been driven out by having been escalated to the point of entropy/ hell dream. Then with that lightness I am less bothered about "flakey". No guilt, less connection. And keeping my energy at a high level and seeing auras all the time becomes a valued strategy. 

The conclusion.

In the video, the blonde was talking about how, when we get an insight, we can start to feel pretty bad about not having had it sooner and I suppose I felt a little like that with this. But not really. My earlier life has been chaotic. But the fact that the 'answer' was there so much earlier is kind of annoying. 

But, a lot has changed. With the schizophrenic episode and related madness I have interpreted many years worth of dreams now which I have felt aided me in a mega positive way. I have been through enough to realise I have to pray regularly. I pray regularly now. I miss prayers here and there but I really value at least three prayer sessions a day and this is IMPORTANT for auric seeing. There is an incredible energy drain in auric seeing I can't really describe. 

I also, with all I have experienced, being harassed over eccentric political views and researching things like "narcissism" and "grey rock". Understand completely now it is preferable to keep secrets. I could see aura's every day and never tell anyone now, whereas my young self didn't have a sliver of that secretive tendency.

So that's my insight. I believe we will probably all be getting insights. Adding it with point #4 is that I suppose, I have wanted to find a healer or something that does supernatural things. But, the auric seeing was fairly accurate. Having this ability. I might not ever prove it in a scientific setting. But it will have SOME utility. Perhaps to increase my understanding of the human design. And if there were anyone that could prove psychic ability in a scientific setting. Well, why not me?

The meaning of gate 41.

One day... ONE DAY and I am back here. This indicates a strong lack of inner knowledge that I would not be able to stay away for one day despite saying yesterday I don't expect to be back for a long time.

Health stuff is going well, but it is a chore, it requires effort and when I am low energy, effort is not forthcoming. I need rest. But I can blog even in a rest state in fact, that seems to be where the blogging energy comes from best. 

 

Gate 41

 

Gate 41 then! What's it about?

 

One of the things I don't think people get about the human design. One of the parts of its perfection. Is that the placement of the hexagram is very, very relevant to the hexagram. People learn the hexagram first and that's what it is that has meaning for them but there is huge variation and significance to the placement. EVEN within the same centre.

 

Take the gate 41 as an example! It is at the very bottom of the root chakra. Whereas gate 60 is at the top. Even in reference to another hexagram on its own centre, gate 41 is far more earthy, and gutteral, and deep, and Gate 60 is far more cerebral and meaningful.

 

Gate 41 is where my mind is at at the moment. It's where I am now. It is a gate that both Stefan Molyneux and Pearl Davis have and it seems to me to be very tied to "Evolutionary Psychology". When that decrease comes where is your meaning? Does your meaning actually connect to the real world? Is it abstract spiritual concepts that will collapse at the first time of real stress? (Such as a lot of the poisonous ideas highlighted by the Chiron Neptune conjunction in the gate 30!) Because gate 41 and it's follow up in the gate 30 won't put up with that. It wants something real. 

 

Real life.

 

So real life then, can we do that? 

 

I got on the bus yesterday and saw one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. I actually don't say that often. Blonde hair tied up. I avoided eye contact though and thought it through how unlikely it would be that I would get anywhere with her (unemployed etc.) and as she got off the bus she gave me a very strong and intentional glare as I was avoiding her eyes. 

 

A 20 year old ish girl started a conversation with me yesterday and followed me along the street. 

 

Children, that's what women are really for. I'm not thinking much about casual sex. As you grow older it really does seem less important. 

With a disability and having not gotten on the employment ladder to any respectable degree. This whole thing seems less likely though. Low relationship experience although - I did experience a female borderline that I feel was rather an intensive course on female psychology. I know what to be on guard for to some small extent. But definitely low skillz in relation to women.

These are the gutteral every day realities that we can't, essentially, escape. Health problems are usually in other parts of the chart depending on the individual, like the splenic. But the emotional problems you get from it will be somewhere in the solar plexus probably gate 30. Which will probably also only contain that which can actually be changed ref "burning". 

I would like to have had the wife and kids and such - I probably won't have that, and I do have a spiritual message of sorts that who knows if I still would have had had I have had that? Lot's of people have been and will be very jealous of my various talents (such as music to a high degree, both playing guitar, writing songs, and ability to sing!) Many would like to have this unique spiritual message I seem to have. Maybe these things will get me some sort of status and family and such. But also, that hasn't happened yet and time has gotten on. Other people already have the family and many of them will be jealous of my gifts without thinking it through.

Pluto transit:

Pluto's transit into the gate 41 on January 30th I'm expecting to be BIG. But I don't usually get my predictions right so there we go.

The gate 41 doesn't solve anything. It just says this is the objective reality you can't avoid. The gate 30 might change something but who knows really?

Personal plans.

Just a short one here.

I have just had a meeting with a health professional and it has scared me a bit. The point is is that I have decided that I have fallen short of my health goals and I must focus on that. This is going to have to become a huge priority.

Thinking about the amount of things that health improves this should make a great deal of sense. If you want to study, having good health will help. If you want to go for a job interview, having good health will help. It is literally at the centre of everything, and if I don't improve my health now then I am leaving an open goal against me in a sense. I have been saying a lot to people that I plan to become 'the most unbelievable health nut' when I have a job and can fund this (also food and supplements) but... well, that is the trap, I have to do that now. I have to make do with jogging in the park if I can't afford the gym.

I am going to be prioritising this over all other things including the things that I have been talking about on youtube and this blog so there might be less output than usual. I hope that is zero output to be honest. I really want to feel healthier and better.

On a separate note I have made some decisions about the direction of my youtube channel. I'm going to get rid of a lot of things that aren't relevant to strictly the mechanics of human design. But that is for later not now. 

It might also become relevant to my human design narrative because I don't technically have the design to do loads of exercise. I only have 1/4 energy centres. But I did it when I was young and it needs to be done so there's that.

Movements of power.

Meditation is such a subtly powerful and deeply surreal experience. Finally got back to it after a few days and am really feeling that, what feels like a slight 'shift' into a positive dimension.

I have had a really profound video I wanted to do for a while but am now in this twilight zone where I don't know exactly how to continue with my youtube channel. So it's not getting made. It comes down to session 17.17 in the Law of One and I was going to tie that to the QAnon 17 mythology. Tying it all together in a very exacting explanation of a spiritual reason for a lot of political events. 

The takeaway is this. Starting from the perspective of the QAnon ideas that there were a bunch of truly evil people in power but now these forces have been weakened to the extent that the positive forces are able to manipulate most of what is happening. The idea is that we are being forced to watch the natural result of a lot of amoral leanings in the population (i.e. voting left and such). For the QAnon/ Christian types the spiritual lesson is one that is summarised in that session. Which is about the crucifixion. For the normal people that are going out and doing such things as voting left, they are actually being shown the consequence of their actions. 

Emboldened fifth column individuals in England today are going around and rioting. In one English town the police fled. 

The transits.

 

Starting on a bit of a different strain in order to come back to the point. Recently we have had the transit of a hexagram I have talked about a bit, gate 61. In true form I have had spiritual experiences in relation to this. Especially, a powerful dream that felt more significant and possibly somehow "prophetic".

 

But that is gate 61. I have never known what gate 62, it's opposite has to do with anything. 'The Preponderence of the small'. But in this transit of a few days ago, it begun to make sense. This gate I think is about making manifest the types of things happening in gate 4. It is about bringing doubt to bear and actually making that manifest. So an example is when someone has been coasting a little while on the presumption of good intention then someone else questions that properly. In practice there is almost always a social element to this and the 61-62 do always seem to have that kind of energy to them. The 61 - 24 has a lot to do with some mystical way that grudges get sorted out I think. Not forgiveness, not not forgiveness but a kind of reframing and "Gods justice". 

The left.

This has literally just come together as I have been perusing twitter on another tab between paragraphs. Kind of synchronistic. It's in a way not a direction I would like to go but it seems relevant. 

I think events that happen on the globe sometimes are metaphorical for events happening in our daily lives. Like a kind of 'readout'. I see that at the moment with the Donald Trump almost assassination, which, if it had been successful would have put to sleep this change in power. The right is winning the culture war and looks like it is going to conquer. Libs of Tik Tok just got a liberal fired as liberals have loved doing to Conservatives and individual thinkers for years. It is getting to the point after a long period of time where people are getting actual consequences for those beliefs and behaviours. 

England votes left and suddenly has the third world on its streets. Those people could have voted reform, they voted left. I know some unbelievably left personalities in London that have given me grief. In my personal life as well, I recently was having a conversation with someone and I challenged this persons "lack of" an ethical framework. I also highlighted the behaviour of one of those London liberals. 

The personal challenge was important to me. For years, the left have been above reproach. The majority. The mainstream. But now that is starting to crumble. People satisfied in that position finally getting some challenge is very satisfying.

Crisis of faith.

Lately, I am having a bit of a crisis of faith in a sense. 

Part of the reason that I feel I have made insights into the human design, and I think, at least from my perception, these insights are kind of original. Is that I have such a 'vicious' tendency to question things. Like, millions of people believe their strategy from the human design perspective is absolutely correct and they would know. It's their own life after all. But questioning the strategy was one of the things I did in human design. There are many different questions I have had though, many of which have yielded real fruit. When I am told something my default position isn't necessarily to believe it in general. 

One of the things I doubt a little is the entire concept of the human design as a tool for life improvement. Let's take an example. What is the falsification hypothesis for the idea that the human design improves peoples lives? A further refinement of the question, since "improves peoples lives" is far too vague and open to misinterpretation. Can we say from real world evidence the human design has improved the world in a way that is a net benefit to society?

Instinctively this would seem to be yes. But, on closer evaluation, the argument COULD be made there is a delusional aspect of human design. As an example, if someone decides they are a generator, becomes a human design reader, then teacher, then a popular teacher and 'leader'. The people they are getting money from are all in the same paradigm so, is there any evidence that the human design is relevant to the "real world" or is it only relevant to the echo chamber?

I do not really believe that, but I do wonder about 'something' in that area. I think the strategy and stuff is likely true but... why? What is the grand plan to all these people walking about doing their strategy?

In the Law of One, in session 14, Don asked the contact about a device called an 'integratron'. Created by a new age figure:

The Law of One contact/ channel said that this device was not created properly and will not work for the function it was intended. That the contactee that created it had originally been in touch with positive entities but had "de-tuned" and got in touch with negative entities. Who had then given the contact the wrong information and thus created a device that did not work for the intended purpose.

What was the purpose?

This was originally, before detuning, meant to be a device that creates immortality!

Then why?

There are many other areas of interest for me in this discussion. But my overarching point is... What is the POINT of all this "enlightenment"?

I understand completely the point of creating an "integratron", or the kinds of things Nicola Tesla created. But I just can't justify the pretence that I believe human design will actually solve things.

Maybe this is 'hubris'. - To me that is the greatest sin. There is no bigger sin than hubris. Not lust, not pride or vanity, not greed. 

Because before I commit my energy to something, whatever that is; 'What is the point of all this enlightenment?' seems like an important question right? If I were to work in some sort of thing that solved peoples personal problems like a human design reader, but why?

I mean, it seems obvious that if I were to give people tools that solved their personal problems it would be beneficial in general. Like, it's a great idea to give people human design information that then improves their marriage say. But, the question of 'why' still won't leave me.

Deconditioning.

Going into an area now that is just as off the wall as what I have previously talked about with the 'integratron'. I am not in conspiracy anymore. There is far too much said in conspiracy that never reaches the real material world. But I have my ear to the ground a little. I gravitate towards those sorts of people on social media and the algorithm learns that I don't shun that material. 

Stew Peters did an absolutely fantastic documentary in which he put together, with good evidence it seemed to me, that the very architecture of a lot of our buildings and various other things show us that it was only a few hundred years ago that things were VASTLY different on this planet, and a lot of our history has been a lie. I am talking about 'presence of extra terrestrials on earth' level lie.

That's not like, one or two wars or something were described inaccurately, that is that EVERY SINGLE THING is a lie about our history; and there has been a massive falsification of records. Some of the things said in this documentary were just... weird. Like, this is not what was said, but imagine someone produced historical evidence that an entire lake didn't exist one day but did exist the day after, and no one has any idea why but authorities wouldn't let it be investigated or discussed, so the lake became normalised, and was assumed to have always existed; that would be weird right? That kind of weird. Weirder even.

This is what true deconditioning is to me. Because what is history? What effect does it have on us now? The effect is that it underwrites every single thing. There are many that refer today to anyone who expresses opinions they don't like as 'Nazi'. I am not saying there is anything remiss about WW2 history, that is more recent, but I am pointing out that history in general has a HUGE effect on how we perceive the world. 

"Women have been enslaved for thousands of years".

"Aliens have not visited us."

"People are an insanely violent species."

"We have reached the heights of technological sophistication not seen previously".

How many human design readers know about this perspective? How many of them believe and base their identies and emotions on "historical events". How many of them subscribe to some form of feminism? I have seen Gloria Steinem listed as a famous manifestor. 

Against this kind of thing, this pervasive hypnosis. I don't know if I even believe that people are deconditioning. If they even can 'decondition' against the backdrop of so much lies. It's like, if you get up in the morning and you walk on lies, if they are beneath your feet, how can you decondition?

The purpose?

And what is the purpose of us in all this? How are we to navigate any of this to improve anything?

I think these are really good questions and I can't see any good answers.

That which effects morality.

In youtube comment to someone a few things have come together. A few things I have known but talked over but didn't "come together" until just recently.

David Wilcock - unbelievable new age con artist who, in my view, has some legitimacy to some of what he has talked about in the past. He also seems to genuinely believe a lot of what he is saying and talks about alien abduction and such like that - His Personality Sun is in gate 22.2 - The capacity of the self to delude oneself and others. 

Friend of mine from back in the day. Went unbelievably weird when I went a bit too right wing for his liking. Sent messages to family and such. He literally became strangely "bigoted" in his promotion of "moderation". Sees himself as a centrist. His design Venus - 13.2 - Moderation as the most acceptable form of bigotry.

A family member of mine whom has always been someone that has seemed self destructive, to quite a degree actually, and nothing seems to "stick" to him. His personality Earth is in 4.5. The evasion of responsibility. 

Someone I have reconnected with recently. Partly on the good news that my health condition has improved. But that I am a little worried is doing some things that are self destructive. It's a maybe not a definitely I really need to connect more and ask more questions. But I get the feeling that if I overstep her defined 'mark' then she will disappear into the wind as she has done before: Design Mars in 54.5: The personality that can have fruitful relationships with the disadvantaged as long as they are in service and make no demands. She has other interesting lines in her chart that interact with her situation in interesting ways.

It's weird, a lot of these things would be considered "not self". But here they are in the chart. Another is 18.5. The personality with problems so intense that they can only be moderated, (not solved) through general socialising. 

It's all just weird. If you are in human design for a while you get all these strange coincidences that describe the perfection of everything just as it is. I also have lines in my human design that, like I might have talked about recently on youtube community notes, talk about things like being comfortable with the idea of holding a grudge or 'revenge' and others that suggest selfishness.

It's strange because the moral thing to do is often to try and alleviate these things at least as I see it. But, the obvious reality as it is shown is that these things, as dysfunctional as they might be, are absolutely perfect. To just live with the dysfunction.

Weird huh?

Status concerns.

Girls and status

 

I am thinking a lot about status recently. Having a recently improved health, I am trying to engage with the world more and having the experiences one would expect by reaching a 30+ age and not having done anything with my life (due in a large part to illness).

I recently did a video where I discussed and lamented on some of these themes:

https://youtu.be/4YhOlj8BW_U

The post of a mudslide is perhaps not the correct title post for this video. This could mean anything. It could mean literal angels. Like, coming down on a spacecraft or something! This video focused a lot on this woman below. Had I used her thumbnail it likely would have got more views but it just felt wrong somehow:

A mans man:

 

This is Alex Hormozi:

A massive buff guy that talks constantly about self improvement topics. 

 

This is Alex Hormozi's chart:

 

 

I have wanted to do something on people with masses of defined energy centres like this guy. But let's keep it short. This guy is capable of getting up and working all day every day. From his chart and evidently backed up by his life choices. He also likely has a similar view on status as I do with the 21-45.

This is a recent tweet from Alex Hormozi:

 

I perused the comments of this guy. They went on and on. All we can see from this is 270.1K views. There were some really intelligent comments for and against. One of the points was from someone who ran a twitter site promoting meditation who said he nearly died when he did that. Probably a projector type. My point was that if things were run like that in the past there would be no Leonardo Da Vinci, Neitzsche, Freud etc. Because these people needed a lot of time for contemplation. 

Someone else said that... do you really want your firefighters and doctors to work like that? It's all very good for a job of sitting infront of a screen but that you don't want an exhausted firefighter crashing his truck on the way back to the depo. 

There were also a fair amount of comments that talked about it all far more positively. 

 

But he's right.

But, Alex is right in a way, in a very provable basic way. Why? Because Alex has 270.1K views on this tweet and thousands of people responding to him and liking all his tweets. Alex has status. The rest of us there are virtually invisible to the world.

There are arguments against this. It might turn out one day if it can ever be measured that some basement dweller that posts conspiracy stuff all day ended up doing more good for humanity. Alex is apparently opposing the establishment and it's many crimes exactly zilch. But probably, Alex is practically right in what he is saying. For most men, unless they work like an absolute dog from a young age, they won't have any status and any real life.

 

It is the way of the world. There is quite a bit more to say about this from many different angles. But basically, it is the way it is. The QAnon prophecies and various things are not coming true or effecting us in any real way. It is not just that people should give all their lives to the establishment. But it is true that if they do they will gain advantage and no one, not one soul is apparently doing anything to change that. 

Psychological theory of Cognitive Dissonance.

Here is a video that is unlisted on my youtube page. The reason that it is unlisted is that it is not watchable in my view without some written clarification as to what I feel is incorrect in this video:

https://youtu.be/iooMamI8PBQ

In the first part and later on I talk about prayers. Specifically not doing the "Armour of God" prayer. This is wrong and it was only when I came back to myself significantly that I was able to see that. I don't know if the force pushing against the sensible daily habit of saying this prayer was "negative" or it was just something internal to me. But I have now gone back to these badly needed prayers. 

The rest of the video though I still value greatly and might put into another video. I basically explain a psychological process. A powerful psychological process. One powerful enough to brainwash people without torture. And how it can kind of twist us up into a pretzel in our daily lives. But how, in my case, it is jettisoning the "conspiracy mindset" and paranoia from deep within my being. 

I also believe this process underlies a lot of our daily psychology.

A long time. Redoing this blog.

It has been a long time since I posted on this blog.

There was not even any real reasons that I stopped using it. It was just that I was getting paranoid at this time about Google having control over everything. I changed blogs but did not change my gmail or all the other things that use my google account, such as my phone and such, so this was a passing thought really. Although I suppose it is a legitimate worry that I might get in trouble with the establishment for controversial views and this kind of blog might be taken away from me. 

Blogging as lifestyle choice.

I have had two other blogs. The wordpress one noted below. This one was used by a group of office women to make my life hell. When I realised it was sending emails to someone of the posts, and I could not control that, at least couldn't figure it out. I stopped that. Then I used substack for a while. Substack has just banned me from posting and made my blog invisible for no clear reason. This seems a bit temperamental. They might sort it out. But I think I am going for this Google blog. The thing with substack is that I simply put too much personal stuff on there. Deeply personal stuff that I did not want anyone to see. So I could then not post the blog if I ever did a serious one. 

This is what I am hoping this blog will be. I have realised, upon reflection, pushed by the sudden substack banning. That at almost all times of my life I have had a blog or some sort of outlet. I also have done youtube or bitchute videos. I have a MASSIVE need to express myself and the spiritual things I understand about the world. 

A personal fact I have had to talk about more and more recently due to it's urgency in my personal life is that my medical condition has now become a HUGE part of my life. There is a fair amount of complexity here about how it has effected my psychology that I will forego. But it features a fair amount in my decisions so I needed to mention it. For instance, why have I not tried to monetise through various routes such as becoming a human design reader? Partly this is to do with the health condition and the massive energy loss I suffer. I lose hours a day or whole days to this. I am too constantly exhausted to read peoples charts regularly. It also means that I am stuck in this position of stagnation. I have a small amount of money and a lot of time. I have enough to eat but not to improve in any other way really. So with that comes a lot of time to reflect and such. 

Eventually I am hoping and I believe something will shift. Like, I will get well enough to work and such perhaps, or something will take off. Any money increase I do get I can perhaps fund exposure for my ideas or at least look into that. At least I consider this a notable and positive opportunity. But what 'will' happen is not now and this is what I am doing now. 

 

The point.

So the point of this specific blog. Rather than fall into the trap I have done a fair few times now. Of getting overly personal. (Which I think is an emotional thing partly from my medical situation). I am hoping I can keep a relatively professional tone to this blog. I sometimes talk about transits on my youtube channel and I hope I can excerpt interesting things from the community posts (that have started to become almost daily). Since a lot of what goes on community posts falls back into the ether. 

One last note. I am posting on this blog despite the last few blogs being from when I was more notably paranoid and such. I have separated from these conspiracy ideas and only take the bare bones skeleton of some red pill ideas now. So feel free to disregard everything that has been said before this post here. 

I don't just want to talk about the human design though. I do plan this to become a post about everyday thoughts about life. For instance, I am just now watching a Sam Vaknin video where he talks about people feeling very angry and resentful about people that do things for them for various reasons. Some coming down to "narcissistic injury". I hope I can do well with this blog.