Fitting in with life.

So, on my ongoing semi schizoid need to express myself, this is the next video that I thought I would chat on:

https://youtu.be/ndKdSEr0BrA?si=D8PR72I6s1Ei6Pyr

If it doesn't "embed" then the video was by a woman named KarolinaWrites and is called "You messed up, now what?"

Strange life:

It's a strange life we are currently living and as such, the things that seem to me to be valuable are... also a bit odd. A bit hard to explain. 

My past is too complex to explain in any depth so there will be a lot of shortcuts here. But, in my past, I was kind of in the manosphere. I say "kind of" and I mean "kind of", (I have had dreams for, against and somewhere in the middle with information related to such concepts), my life is that eccentric. But I remember talking with a woman and having a lot of my manosphere beliefs just taken down. Pulled apart by a set of cute ducks and several of those pieces pecked to death. (While admittedly some of the larger structure remains, or was even moreso proven.)

She wasn't trying to take down my "manosphere" beliefs. She wouldn't even be able to conceive of what they were, it just wasn't her headspace. But her frankness about her own experience showed me that a lot of what I had believed about women was just flat out wrong. Some of it was not precisely wrong, not technically wrong, but was not correct for a reason that couldn't really be articulated. 

But there is a lot of value I think, partly for this reason in women expressing what is going on with them. There is also something nourishing about that lifeforce. Now this girls immediate preceeding video as of this writing was called something like "I was a horrible person to my ex" and it got 2.5K views after three days. This video, has been up about four hours and has something like 20 views. The need for emotional outrage changes the conversation so much. 

Lack of life.

With this womans last video I had wanted to say something and I thought about it a bit. Finally saying that I have a disability so had not experienced treating someone crappy in a relationship. But trying to draw my own experience in, and in reaching for some way to connect used "I" in the paragraphs about fifty times. 

The reason this is is kind of simple. What is the best thing to do if you want to say something to someone: Connect directly with their experience. I don't have any experience to draw off so that was rejected. What is the next best thing to do. Perhaps to give thanks or analogies to your own experience that matches their experience. Like many of the other comments did. That is rejected as well. The next best thing to do is to draw off an experience that is similar but not the same and with all this reaching, reaching but without the experience actually being there, it becomes an excess of explanation of my own internal world. 

Which leads to a kind of "arrested development".

There are ways around this and this blog, the youtube video, music and a few other things do route around this for some reason. So I need to keep at these things. The music is a valuable skill and when practiced with enough intensity, changes my tendencies in communicating with others. The music becomes so intense that I am not quite thinking in words anymore, then when I go back to the real world I speak less. 

It also focuses my mind in some manner and allows me to engage in coursework type of activities. I literally stop blogging partly to engage with those more and end up doing it less because I'm in more of a fog!

Conclusion

I have determined blogging to be of value for this reason partly. But I am struggling to get the 'motor' and momentum running again. We will see how things go in general. So I just made this short post. 

I am intending to make a video soon I am very excited about, that talks about how many different sources seem to encourage a kind of 'psychotherapy' route and what we might gain from comparing and contrasting. Might be a little while before that is up though.