Do people change?

Todays video that I'm going to comment on: Dr Ramani, SCIENTIFIC REPORT: Data that Narcissists REALLY don't change:

https://youtu.be/fVO_pAsIeis?si=B7p-6WjgtKtUFCf-

So, my question:

My question here is... Do people ever really change? Does anyone ever change or are the patterns of our lives just too well worn and compulsive for all sorts of unseen reasons that we are just... What we are and there's not choice about that?

It reminds me of a borderline girl that I knew that killed herself who acted pretty mad while I knew her. It gives me some small insight into her choice when I consider that that bizarre thought process she had and that manifested in her life previously to me knowing her, was something she would have been stuck with every single remaining day of her life had she have lived. 

It also makes me think of myself. I have bizarre sexual fantasies. These are not going to change I know that. I also have a disability that has improved recently with technology. So my literal physiology is changing. But will my personality change along with that? I am already far more calm and such. Far more able to concentrate. But will that make me seem like a different person or just the same person who is calmer with more ability to concentrate?

It's an uncomfortable feel but I suppose it makes sense in a lot of ways. Like everyone, when people have been acting in a strange way I have expected them to see the illogicality of it and snap out of it. 

I suppose the only thing that can then change is... the sociology of it all. If divorce laws were suddenly changed so that women didn't get such an easy ride then some behaviour would change a little no doubt. A lot of economic incentives are perhaps set up so things don't change as an example. If things changed so more small business was allowed to flourish, then the people right now that are willing to make a small business, if the economic conditions are favourable, would go through a bit of a status change. Which in turn would change some peoples model of the world, and the behaviours of some people surrounding them. 

It brings me back to an earlier blog where I showed the human design chart in relation to some people and how some really unpleasant characteristics in others were just sitting right there. Not anything that could be defined as "not self". Like, the actual hexagams in the persons chart. 

That's all! A short blog today.

The psychology of Walter White. (Part 1)

Another post bouncing off a youtube video. This one is by a youtuber called 'Psychology with Dr Ana' and is titled 'Walter White, when narcissism lies dormant'.

https://youtu.be/MnXXglMXdoI?si=Cuh1wrRranMkgGk6

Inner wounds.

I have a little bit of a past wound in my life. The past wound was due to a behaviour within myself that I was not aware of at all before it happened, and it lead to, what might have been a positive behaviour that could have averted something negative. This is, that I underestimated the potential benefit a kind of 'female wisdom' can bring. There was someone in my life that needed the sensitivity of women, a sensitivity and ongoing focus on emotions that I explicitly DO NOT have, and I didn't think to alert the right people as to this situation. 

In some small manner this relates to this video. This womans run down of Walters behaviour, if you have seen Breaking Bad (and there probably will be spoilers in my write up here) is... fantastic. Until I got to the very end of the video, I wasn't fully impressed, I was still trying to work out Walters behaviours. But on her conclusion I realised, that she is "right enough" for me to give this viewpoint serious consideration. Like, to assume it is basically correct for the moment. 

What is going on with Walter?

There are still things that I am thinking of in relation to Walter though. Again, this will probably be more interesting if you have seen Breaking Bad. 

Firstly, the great male need for status. It is something I am reflecting on now my medical condition is improving. Is it not the need for status that has basically built the entire society we live in? Men, who wanted a family, and a position of status in the community, will work all hours god sends doing very difficult work. Of course, when the left comes along and decides that the result of your labour has to be taxed then that stops. Or that the guy in question can't even be hired then it definitely stops. But, nonetheless, that is a separate tangent; men, in general, have a carnivorous, all consuming, and desperate desire for status, which, if not met, tends to become anger and bitterness. 

In this manner, Walters behaviour early on in the series strikes me as though this is the mechanism at play. I think a lot of people would look at this need for status in a deeply feminised world we live in, and not recognise it as legitimate, but I think it is a legitimate drive. 

There is also another element that I think is very relevant to Walters psychology. Walter, is a genius. He is very intelligent. The show made some priority in making sure this was known. He cooks a better product than any other drug dealer because he is smart and we see that in his past, his focus on chemistry and obsession with it, that only genius' really experience over such a seemingly dry subject, is a big part of his person and thus his psychology. We can see he was smarter than Gus' other chemist who was no slouch.

So we can see someone that is very intelligent indeed, who likely did contribute to a multi billion dollar company at an earlier point of his life, living a life where he teaches chemistry and what does he do with that intelligence? Well, he has become a mundane person, he works in a car wash, he teaches chemistry to students that are not interested in the subject. His intelligence likely goes around in his head and drives him mad, but it likely strongly contributes to his negative feeling and his deep, malign, anger.

That's what's eating him.

The way I see it, this is the poison that is eating him. His cancer arrives, he cooks meth, it recedes, he stops cooking meth and it comes back on the dot. The suppressed potential, the "something to do with my brain" is the thing that is eating him, and the expression of all that anger in his criminal life, that allows him to be effective is what relieves the monster in him. It's what feeds it and satisfies that dark urge. It is allowed to feed on the world, rather than feed on him. 

Against that backdrop. There were a few decisions he makes that did not make sense or that might be labelled as narcissistic and are status linked, but they make sense to me and are, in fact, quite satisfying. (I really liked him being nasty to Gretchen, perhaps that's a bit cruel of me!)

We see that he rejected his ex business partners offer of assistance, of being given a job with health coverage. We see nothing in the show that indicates this was a status game or that it was anything other than kindness on the part of his ex business partners. They are rich and - good people. Something not always shown on the big screen. Very sheltered and naive. 

I think his business partners offer that showed Walter appropriate respect for his intelligence, was a good one. 

Nevertheless, Walter probably did not want to experience himself in a subordinate position since he is a genius. Even though this is destructive and illogical, and generally rejecting the, probably legitimate "love" of his friends, I understand that. He wanted to be a player in the difficult, dangerous, drug empire he was engaging in, that few others would be able to thrive in. He wanted to outsmart his brother in law amongst pretty much everyone else. . 

Computer trouble.

This will be the end of this article. There are more thoughts on his general psychology that might go in a part 2. But I have had computer trouble. It is fixed now but it massively broke my concentration and I can't go back to writing this article so it stops here.

Irredeemable malaise.

I can't quite get my mind out of the dump. I can't quite rescue myself from an apparently irredeemable malaise at the moment.

I'm talking about that here because, as a theme, it's a good jumping off place because as I discuss tools that might improve things or what might be happening, if others are interested they can apply it to their lives. 

Consistency.

I had the idea today to go back to main astrology a little bit. To go into the retrogrades and oppositions and such to try and bring out some pattern as to the current situation.

I used to be so into astrology and it is silly, now thinking of it, that I have now started to neglect that part of myself. Even though medical improvements and more advanced astrology has changed my perspective on these things. There is still something good about mainstream astrology. 

I wonder a little if everyone else is feeling the same sense of drudgery that I am. It's not just a sense of drudgery but, two things at the same time. One is a greater sense of connection. The other is a lack of connection in a different way. In that I feel I am becoming more connected to myself, my body, more grounded. But I feel also that some mystical positive "higher" thing, is suddenly less accessible.

Things went pretty crazy almost precisely on the Mercury retrograde. It is the first time I have had a Mercury retrograde and the manifestation is outwardly positive that I can remember. Previously, with eerie accuracy. Job and career based things that go wrong have happened on Mercury retrograde. Either I have got a bad job that didn't go well on the retrograde, Mercury retrogrades veil going over the interview process. Or, my employment has ended in some way related to said Mercury retrograde. It also tends to correlate with political machinations that are a bit depressing and I suppose this time is no exception. 

This time though the job stuff, although a bit grinding, is quite possibly positive. We'll see how it goes though.

Another issue is that, someone I believed in a great deal for about two decades, David Wilcock, whom I have talked about on my youtube channel, has turned out to be a really nasty person. I have mentioned David before in relation to transiting Saturn going over his Sun and a few other things in Pisces. Transiting Venus soon to oppose transiting Saturn might be expressive of this especially in relation to how Davids female following will handle the most recent news about David.

On top of that is health unpredictabilities that are a side effect of having increased my exercise. (Mercury inconjunct Neptune?) It is hard to manage with my condition although should be fine over the longer term. Also, fell out with my sister. Which wasn't particularly pleasant. 

I expect the sister thing is likely in relation to transiting Uranus and things transiting that (since I identified a Uranian area of discussion to be relevant in said conversation!). But, on a more basic level such a deep and personal thing will be many things, there are like, central moral points so it goes a bit deeper than transits perhaps. 

The world changing.

The thing that I have seen a lot of on twitter recently is discussion of conspiracy types of things. With the crackdown in England it excites and angers people in that direction. Not just discussion on immigration though but also, discussion on things like coming health crisis, and the ongoing results of previous ones.

The central frustration of the larger supernatural world not manifesting is still present. But also, the sure and certain knowledge that after some medical mishaps in the future are revealed it's going to be such a huge thing that the world will have to permanently change, and that is when I expect real world information on supernatural things to come forward. 

With that awareness though, especially when shown the true destructiveness of this. It makes me realise how a lot of people will not be able to confront this and I have had moments of real stress in relation to this. Like moments of "why can't the next few years be just a bit quieter?"

Anyway, that's all I am thinking at the moment.

Meandering.

Not sure what to write here, feeling strange. 

I am doing my communion late this week. Part of the reason is that I have "intuitively" not felt that it was right to do earlier but... I think sometimes pushing against what "intuitively" feels right is correct. Because intuitively can just be being very sensitive. 

I still don't feel it's right to do but I am doing it now. Sometimes some part of us just resists the higher positive forces. 

Anyway, so fairly recently I wrote a post where I aired my anger against various things in the world. I identified this post later as probably not correct and part of my kind of untuned week. Not having played enough music. 

But, there is some relevance to it but just, nothing that can gain the position of becoming manifest. Yes, I am annoyed at a lot of this passive aggression but bringing a voice to what it means just doesn't seem to flow correctly.

Clicking into place

The way I think it is best to process these things is through music and various other things. This is what has struck me lately. 

Things are kind of clicking into place. For one, I am exercising regularly. I have never been able to do this before and this will make a big positive difference. It is about basically increasing my energy so I can take on challenges. I am also playing music regularly. As something that is relevant, sometimes I play for an hour a day, and I can get to a stage where I am not thinking in words. 

My thoughts though are about how we handle the great amount of trauma that most of us are experiencing. Have experienced. I think, one of the first barriers is that, in order to gain any solidity to our wounds, especially the more abstract things that need to be articulated. The subtle things. We need to give ourselves permission to have them. 

As I have said before, the world likes to not give us a right to those wounds. Either by minimising them. Or by simply not acknowledging them, perhaps by putting them in a losing competition with someone elses pain. I remember having been bullied at an office job by women and the general attitude is that women are the victims so no one else can be a victim. 

The other one that I mention is forgiveness without contrition. If you are emotionally blackmailed and cajoled into saying you forgive something and the other person has not even acknowledged it. It is invalidation. 

On a basic level, in order to have your own emotions, in order to feel that you even have a right to your own emotions on an animal level you need to have strength. When we do not have strength and are reliant on others we have to yield our emotions to some extent. If I am living at someones house and not paying rent, and they want to borrow something of mine, then I have less leeway to say that it's mine and they can get bent, as an example. I might have some leeway. But since the other person has the power, the emotion cannot be solidified that something is my property. 

In the internal world.

The slight strengthening I get from doing music and such, from my health improving, allows me to feel that I have the right to some of my feelings and that feels GOOD. I can't describe the intimate feel pleasure this is. These are my emotions and I have the right to them. If a bunch of girls in an office job behaved to me in a disgusting way, I have the right to dislike them. 

It is, super comfortable. It is a cold feeling. Rage. But still comfortable. Like, I have noticed when I go to the gym, I get a physical sense of a grounded reality that is very strong. Not particularly pleasant but comfortable. I wonder if I have been processing things while I have not been so well in a very female way. 

But, the reality of the day to day. I am poor. I have few prospects. A lot of people have bullied me. A lot of people have treated me like dirt and I am not obliged to be any kinder to them if I am ever in the position of power. 

It is a journey, a process. I have started writing music. It is a surprisingly slow process. I have always written music but I am laying it out better. Organising it better. Working on the same song over a period of time and things. 

Many, many of these songs are unbelievably dark and I don't intend to sing them to others. I intend to use the playing of them as a mechanism to practice writing songs. I think maybe the songs that come later will be more presentable - my technical proficiency on the guitar is improving and with improvements these things get written into songs. Lyrically though, there is a lot of this substance. This rage. I do not feel like it is over yet. I feel like the next song I write or dredge up from an audio recording or physically written notes will probably be just as seething and dark. 

But, it is still healing. 

Articulation.

The process, the eventual end goal I assume is to express all this in a way that makes it positive. In a way that something that was irredeemable and dark becomes useful. Like a Johnny Cash song. It is also about strength. In this place can I work day after day in more of a thankless existence and just adapt to it? I wonder if it is what every man goes through at some point. 

And that's all I have to say. I wonder what Communion will bring in! 

These thoughts are part of a larger structure of things that I want to talk about. But have not put together yet.

Fitting in with life.

So, on my ongoing semi schizoid need to express myself, this is the next video that I thought I would chat on:

https://youtu.be/ndKdSEr0BrA?si=D8PR72I6s1Ei6Pyr

If it doesn't "embed" then the video was by a woman named KarolinaWrites and is called "You messed up, now what?"

Strange life:

It's a strange life we are currently living and as such, the things that seem to me to be valuable are... also a bit odd. A bit hard to explain. 

My past is too complex to explain in any depth so there will be a lot of shortcuts here. But, in my past, I was kind of in the manosphere. I say "kind of" and I mean "kind of", (I have had dreams for, against and somewhere in the middle with information related to such concepts), my life is that eccentric. But I remember talking with a woman and having a lot of my manosphere beliefs just taken down. Pulled apart by a set of cute ducks and several of those pieces pecked to death. (While admittedly some of the larger structure remains, or was even moreso proven.)

She wasn't trying to take down my "manosphere" beliefs. She wouldn't even be able to conceive of what they were, it just wasn't her headspace. But her frankness about her own experience showed me that a lot of what I had believed about women was just flat out wrong. Some of it was not precisely wrong, not technically wrong, but was not correct for a reason that couldn't really be articulated. 

But there is a lot of value I think, partly for this reason in women expressing what is going on with them. There is also something nourishing about that lifeforce. Now this girls immediate preceeding video as of this writing was called something like "I was a horrible person to my ex" and it got 2.5K views after three days. This video, has been up about four hours and has something like 20 views. The need for emotional outrage changes the conversation so much. 

Lack of life.

With this womans last video I had wanted to say something and I thought about it a bit. Finally saying that I have a disability so had not experienced treating someone crappy in a relationship. But trying to draw my own experience in, and in reaching for some way to connect used "I" in the paragraphs about fifty times. 

The reason this is is kind of simple. What is the best thing to do if you want to say something to someone: Connect directly with their experience. I don't have any experience to draw off so that was rejected. What is the next best thing to do. Perhaps to give thanks or analogies to your own experience that matches their experience. Like many of the other comments did. That is rejected as well. The next best thing to do is to draw off an experience that is similar but not the same and with all this reaching, reaching but without the experience actually being there, it becomes an excess of explanation of my own internal world. 

Which leads to a kind of "arrested development".

There are ways around this and this blog, the youtube video, music and a few other things do route around this for some reason. So I need to keep at these things. The music is a valuable skill and when practiced with enough intensity, changes my tendencies in communicating with others. The music becomes so intense that I am not quite thinking in words anymore, then when I go back to the real world I speak less. 

It also focuses my mind in some manner and allows me to engage in coursework type of activities. I literally stop blogging partly to engage with those more and end up doing it less because I'm in more of a fog!

Conclusion

I have determined blogging to be of value for this reason partly. But I am struggling to get the 'motor' and momentum running again. We will see how things go in general. So I just made this short post. 

I am intending to make a video soon I am very excited about, that talks about how many different sources seem to encourage a kind of 'psychotherapy' route and what we might gain from comparing and contrasting. Might be a little while before that is up though. 

Update.

I'm not sure what went so horribly wrong in the last week or so. I think what happened is that I had a choice, on a busy day, whether to go to the gym or to do some music. I chose gym. I think that was the wrong choice. My "channel" switched off thus the immediately last incredibly strange post.

After a lot of prayer, I realised I had to come back to making videos and blogging. Now I do exercise casually, and do music seriously. 

Not much to say as of this moment though. My personal "work", my attempt to change myself, is to focus on taking things less seriously in a sense and to make things less 'me' centric. Such as when I do a post on someones youtube. To 'grow up' you might say.

Music helps with that a lot. After an intense music session I am not so interested in talking in general because of the profundity of the music. Exercise has a good effect of making things feel more relevant and objective but, since it is so body based rather than spirit based, it feels kind of "young".

The "moral highground".

I have not been producing any information for a little while now. What is to be written has simply not been "there". Like, not having received a package. There is nothing to be written, therefore, I cannot write anything.

But I have pushed internally and this is all I have come up with. 

I am, in a small way, that I don't know if is accurate, thinking of hanging my hat up when it comes to this material. I will explain why in an analogy of sorts. One that revolves around some personal insights.

Global politics:

Global politics is happening and is about to kick off. This gives me a huge social advantage I believe which I will come to. 

The UK riots will not settle easily. There are hundreds of towns that have had a bad experience with Islam in general, and immigration secondarily, and the sex trafficking happening in many of these English towns. The global stock market is about to crumble to the point that the "normies" will find out. This is all starting in Japan and seems like it is pretty crazy. Global war has a real possibility of breaking out as well. Russia has been selling powerful weapons to Iran. 

The main point I will be talking about is the "moral highground" in much of this piece. A small examination of it. The additional insight that it is, in almost all of mainstream society, strategically confused with the idea of animal power. Like, the in group considers itself to have the moral highground that it enforces through numbers. But animal power and true virtue/ ethics/ morality do not belong with each other. There is animal power on the one hand, there is what is good/ ethical/ true on another. 

I will come back to how this global political situation changes my personal life. 

Destiny and this material:

Another issue that I have thought about for a while is; what is going on with this material and my personal destiny. I.e. the kind of things I would read in a chart, how does that apply to my life?

Well, I have often thought this kind of material is shown, metaphorically, by my south node in my normal astrology being in the sixth house. This is effectively my "service to others". Having gotten that concept from the Law of One material. 

"Service to Others" seems to be a concept that is so positive and illuminating that it can't bring against it any criticism. BUT, I have the south node in the sixth house and nothing else there of the main planets (I have Eros and Nessus there as well, not conjunct the South node!) I have described, on my youtube channel, my attempts to apply this material in the real world to the concept of "healing". Despite as positive as the concepts seems to be, it might turn out to be kind of codependent and useless to me. As in, I will still practically be "service to others" but with a huge awareness that I cannot be that in a lot of the practical ways I imagined and that the concept itself suggests. 

Individual linkage to this material:

Now, I'm going to get to the crux of this matter. 

Something is happening that is deeper than the shallow way we might have envisioned, been taught, since we were young, about how the world works. The fact that the global situation is changing is somehow deeply linked to our personal lives I believe. 

For me, I will explain something personal to illustrate this. In the past few years, I have, not consciously, mostly by coincidence and aided very heavily by socially significant events I have no control over; been manoeuvering myself into the position of the moral high ground amongst the people I have been in communication with. 

This feels like, in a way, an immune response to a certain situation out in the world. I will do a little separating out of connected concepts here. As I surmised earlier, in a lot of our society animal power, and the moral highground go together. This is enforced and often, not challengeable, or not easily challengeable, in all sorts of subtle ways. 

But the two concepts as they connect to me that need to be separated is this: A) The moral high ground in the personal and relating to the political sense. I.e. the assumption amongst main stream individuals that they are morally superior and you are "weird" because they follow the mainstream viewpoint. This is pushing against a campaign of gossip where you try and be nice to people, and they are kind of a little positive but they make snide comments and are always above you in some subtle unacknowledged way.

B)  The lack of personal animal power that I have: I have a medical condition. That is getting better now finally, for perhaps the first time in my life. Due to this, due to a lack of money, relationships etc. It gives more tools to those seeking to subtly, or even quite openly, minimise and disrespect me in relation to the concerns in the last paragraph.

The snide upper hand:

There are a few interconnected manipulation tendencies with this that would be worthy of a game theory style explanation. For instance, one tactic that is used in this subtle game is to put the other person on the back foot by constant subtle disapproval. It's things like, you are communicating with someone and sometimes they just stop communicating with you and you are always on the back foot and trying to kind of guess where you went wrong. The goal of this tactic, I believe, is so that you only express what is acceptable to said individual in order to be 'let in' to their social life. But as with many of these tactics, it is never stated outrightly, but often, they want the person on the backfoot to accurately guess. It is against their power games and self image of themselves to say "Do x or we are not friends". But communicating 'intermittantly' and getting you to guess is within their reach as a manipulative tactic. 

I was working on a theory once upon a time on how this effects the chart by switching off the "projector channels". But that is not for now. 

Another is 'pleading to emotions'. Like, no accountability is taken. Just 'you change this behaviour because it effects emotions'. Then it's like, in response, a response that will be ignored: "but there are practical, logical considerations here, you are ignoring".

Another is, just a kind of invalidation of your being and an absolute conviction that they are right. Like, you wouldn't bring up the thing that is 'off the wall' because it would find no purchase. If this happens again and again over a range of subjects you just deflate before you even bring it up. But it might be relevant.

Another is playing the victim more directly. Just always having a victim story and being uber sensitive all the time and not communicating. This tactic is a kind of gaslighting in a way. Or, it's not gaslighting actually but it has the effect of gaslighting. This tactic can only be used if there is something on the table. People have to motivate towards the person with this tactic because it's presence in a way forbids the 'victim' from being over active in initiating contact. They are always reacting never, with positivity and strength, reaching out. 

All of them.

But imagine every single one of these tactics being used in support of a left wing mainstream narrative. It would require quite a long time to individually challenge these and other tactics. Quite a force of intellectual rigor to set up defences against it. 

But that is what I have done. 

In the long term of being dragged down and tired from interacting in these ways and a kind of constant eggshell walking. Bear in mind, that these tactics are all passive in a way. They all have a common theme that gives them strength. Out of those tactics, if the person relating the 'snide' individual, is outward and positive and with less secrecy and agenda. The person using the 'snide' tactic is not like that. They gossip. They benefit from things not being said. The mainstream narrative of course benefits from things not being said. It's where "I don't want to talk about it", strengthens the snide individual. It's where lack of challenge benefits them.

There is a strong weakness to this though. The weakness is that the 'snide' individual, will be unethical, and they will think more short term. In the moment they might gossip about someone and use this to justify being unpleasant towards them subtly, but one or two years down the line perhaps, or longer, if that person sends back a long list of things the snide individual has done. They won't be able to justify everything. Because a lot of it felt morally righteous in the moment when given the benefit of gossip. But over the long term and with the evidence of these things all laid out on a page; it is not defensible. 

This means that if the other individual does have a stronger position on the 'ethics' front then they will eventually win said battle. 

Both of these points are very important because they carry over two separate areas of relevance. One is politics and that's why stuff going on globally has impact. The other is the personal life and the discussion of ethics and such. Which is such a strong part of life that it is everpresent. Since evasion has been referenced as a tactic here, it can be done in the latter case, but the former can be tricky. I will come to this as well. 

The amount of intellectual work that has gone in this article I feel is similar to how much must go into these real life battles.

So down to real life. 

Personal story time then. Over the past few years but the story really reaching back a decade or further in some cases. I have eventually putting together a framework to deal with this. This is more than 50% the benefit of the work of Stefan Molyneux. 

It is relevant like I have probably stated a few times that I have had an illness and part of this illness has caused massive anxiety. It has also greyed out my memory a little. Probably due to difficulty in replicating without the medical condition, the emotions I have had in the worse states. 

But really, the crux of what I am talking about is this. In relation to individuals I have dealt with, I have put myself into a position of moral highground in several ways and importantly, I have blocked the door to interacting with people unless they change. The way I have done this is to ask them to justify, ethically, their decisions in order for me to interact with them. This is not something they are in the habit of doing. 

There is, a really difficult and what sometimes feels like a nasty element to this. As an example. If this process had been done with an individual. If you good naturedly ask them to justify their ethics, and they don't or can't, but they don't like the situation emotionally. Then you might be tempted to ignore that, but it is obvious that it is completely illogical to ignore that as well. Like, you don't have the freedom, in a sense, to go with your own emotions at all. 

It is yet a long time before I can get to why this links to global politics changing my desire to do blogging. But I will continue. 

The thing with this 'nasty logical element' I just mentioned, is that even if there is a lot of temptation to not go with the logic. The logic is kind of unflappable. So if the person has some sort of power and status, charm or whatever, most people will not be refusing them. But someone that is following this process will be. So there is a potential for an ugly response, or realisation, here.

The tactics:

So, like I have just mentioned but will go back to. Due to my bad health. I have kind of been through this process with people twice. Once when I was not that well, in the more intense way. But just to be sure that it wasn't me I tried to recontact a bunch of people. Many of them behaved exactly the same.

But these are the kinds of things I am talking about. With the reason for them. 

The people with 'snide' tactics can only interact if people are coming towards them. Trying to be nice and help them... "Service to others" even, you might say. The reason for this comes down to justification. If they are going to judge the "giver" (let's say). They can't be that active in the relationship. The snide individual can't phone the giver a couple of times and go out for a drink with them because if they do, their usual subtly judgemental tactics the giver can then say: "Hey mate, you were the one who called me, it wasn't the other way around". So they need the giver to do a lot of the work. 

Really sounds like I have been dealing with the dregs of society. 

But they can still protest if the giver stops putting in any effort.

The tactics largely involve interacting with them, until they reach the point where some positive good thing is requested from them that they are unwilling to provide. An ethical justification is one. If you are going to behave in xyz manner then what abstract moral principle do you submit to? Otherwise, are you not only your emotional preferences? That are not ethical and have not served us well, so far.

Another is apologising. You apologise to them, they don't apologise to you. Then six months down the line, where you have apologised and have evidence they haven't changed their behaviour, (on the implication it was your past behaviour that was holding everything up!) you can call them on that if you need to. 

Another, which is coming for someone that is very flakey and slimey. Simply holding accountable. If I said x and you said y, that means you are saying z. Not forgetting, not budging. Making it clear that if someone is to behave like this they have virtually no utility. 

Bringing it all together. 

Might be the longest article I have written on this blog. (2439 words up to, but not including, this sentence).

I have felt like I am 'the giver' in a lot of situations. One of the things that happens, and how this links to politics and one of the common patterns in this. Is that the 'giver' is trying to communicate and talk about things. Philosophies, power, freedom etc. And the other person - (I won't go as far as saying snide for this example, I will call the mainstream person). Is not contributing anything, but taking the mainstream position and dismissing the givers perspective. 

So this might be a conspiracy example. When the conversation come up the giver explains their research. A video they saw, evidence of some sort. The mainstream individual puts it down and does not want to talk about it. This means though, that the information the giver is trying to impart, doesn't see the light of day. 

This can extent to a lot of different areas. Immigration is an example. You won't get a mainstream person to acknowledge statistical facts about it. But it goes into personal areas as well. We all know, for example, the mainstream narrative is that women do no wrong. In certain situations, bringing up things women have done in your actual life, will be shunned in this manner.

So this, over a long period of time. It has collided with me in different directions. One is pretty amazing and positive in that I tend to not focus on conspiracy too much which is kind of toxic for me and I enjoy things like playing guitar and focusing on my own life instead. It has gotten so advanced that I genuinely don't want to talk about these situations often, I feel it would be difficult for me if I tried. This is very positive.  

There is an interconnected non positive feeling though. The kind of rage of not being acknowledged when you have something legitimate to say. The knowledge, and a small awareness, of deliberate pushback from the other to prevent you from bringing these things up. The 'mainstream person' will get increasingly sensitive, not less sensitive. They won't discuss the area in a muted way one day and then six months later be able to discuss it a bit more. They will grow more sensitive. The six months later, they will stop the conversation earlier, because they cannot defend against the givers points and are wound up about it.

A few other bits. 

I think, my health is a holistic thing, and the 'design' side, the side in red in my chart, is the side effected and 'switched off' in a sense, with very bad health. Now that I am switching back "on" more, I think the red in my chart, the complete channels all below the throat, is pushing me to go more animalistic in a sense. To relate to real life more. 

When I started blogging I was blogging at llresearch and I was young, and far ahead in Law of One terms. I was well received and was given status in a sense. Perhaps, probably even, illusory, but status nonetheless. I am not getting status from this anymore. 

I have wondered a little bit if my blogging and youtube have a bit of a sunk cost fallacy to them. Thousands of blog posts and at least hundreds of youtube vids. Coming away from it, not continuing on it is admitting that I have wasted time in a sense. Not in an accurate sense since I was ill that time would have been wasted no matter what. But in an emotional sense all the same. Justifying what I have been doing with my time is something I think about. 

There is more to this though.

Not all 'mainstream' individuals I would classify as 'takers'. A lot of losers I have known take the most mainstream perspective, but within the number of mainstream individuals, are what I perceive to be fairly good, productive and intelligent people. 

Even so though, in the paradigm conflict I have discussed. The people with the most mainstream view are "giving" less to the conversation. Oh, that thing you experienced with women? I'm sorry that doesn't exist. Oh, you are interested in global politics? I have no idea about any of that. The medical treatments were nothing but positive. 

The steps to get people to discuss the possibility that there might be a political change that would change our lives is just not there. That perspective would also includes a lot of optimism and such, rather than resigned misery of the mainstream.

At a certain point, there needs to be some sort of response to my material. Acknowledgement of the paradigm of this infinitely complex and mysterious universe with positive higher forces. 

I DO NOT think people that have read thousands of words in these blog posts are like that. But I do think, that is partly the case with my youtube channel. 

The problem with democracy in general, is that sometimes, people are idiots. Just stone cold morons. I have heard it said by Chris Williamson that male self help material is all about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and female self help material is that you are a special princess and the world should adapt to you. The latter being extremely ineffective and essentially harming the people that subscribe to it. BUT, they are the ones that choose it, buy the material. And anyone advising young women of any hard truths will probably be shunned and have to go over to the manosphere, if that's their perspective they don't want to part with. 

One of my most popular youtube videos was about the dream rave. The dream rave is something that I recall that Reddit human design 'A wretched hub of scum and villainy' was not able to get easy answers on. Not able to download anything on for free. 

I think the way people are absorbing that information is to just take it in, and not have it change anything about themselves. Their viewpoints remain completely mainstream. I also think that, on a subconscious level, I have wanted to change the viewpoints of people as my 'service to others' to move our society into a better place. But, I do not think that that will happen through my videos, or output in general, anymore. But I DO think it will likely become a thing, now that we have all this global political turmoil about to happen.

Financial Crash.

I don't know how legitimate this is, as I have said I try to stay away from this kind of thing. But as I have been writing this article (for two hours now I think!) Twitter has been alert with pretty big news of financial crashes. It might have "arrived", the world changing event. 

In exactly the same way that with my personal situations with people, I put others on the backfoot by the stuff talked about under the 'tactics' heading, I finally wrestled peoples arrogant belief they are right, that is linked with their political beliefs so that THEY are on the backfoot. But in a larger sense it is not me that is going to do that. In a larger sense for the remaining glut of normal people, they will be more strongly influenced by real life events.

No more carrot, now some stick. 

To conclude. I have before written about not doing any of this anymore. But it strikes me being inspired to write a complex, about 4000 word article on it might be indicative that, this is a deeply held and real sensation to me. 

It is my birthday later today (5 am here!) The only thing that really makes me interested (potential Freudian slip there though "interesting) is music related things. Manuscript paper, pages of manuscript to write my songs. I like raw milk cheese. I have, in my meditations, had insights recently that a kind of remaining narcissistic perspective (but probably a defence mechanism against illness) needs to fall away. The statement was "As you accept your mediocrity, you lose your mediocrity". 

These blogs and such, this output linking back to when I was on the llresearch forum believing I was Don Elkins. Are a way for me to deny that. That I am really not that special. Or even if I am special. I am not particularly capable, and will unlikely become a famous genius from doing this kind of thing. 

Anyway, so that's that. We'll see how it goes. I might write another article tomorrow knowing my normal compulsivity. But I don't think so. I might not ever write again. 

But I don't think so.

But these are some thoughts nonetheless.