I am doing this blog a lot earlier than normal. It is extremely hot in England. I don't know if that is the reason, but I have not slept the night so I am doing an early morning blog.
Being unemployed though I should be able to sleep in the afternoon after a morning appointment.
What I am thinking about at the moment is the apparent pointlessness of a lot of life considering the political difficulty we now find ourselves in. I say apparent, because even when things have not been going well in the past, and even in the present. Things happen, insights happen, that show that time spent doing apparently pointless things are really powerfully relevant.
Such as at one period of my life. Not much was happening except a friend in a part of my life. When she killed herself, the amount of time I spent with her took on a different meaning.
Even the current period of seeing very few people in an average week, one family member and some jobcentre linked people perhaps. I have gained a lot of insight into my previous paranoid patterns. Having insights into the human design that I think are very powerful and unique. Assuming these get used and communicated to others this might have been very important indeed.
My human design, with gate 33 twice, with gate 51.1. twice, and a whole lot of other hexagrams that make up the story. Does seem to indicate that gaining insight in solitude is something that would be productive for me. Studying the Law of One and things such as session 32.1. and it's reasons might be relevant as well.
Nevertheless, it's hard not to notice the problems in the system and the ways things could be better when the dysfunction is as heavy as this.
For instance, the job market is very confused. There is a strong slant away from white men being employed. My area is majority white, so that is less true here. But I still get a whole bunch of diversity questionnaires and even direct hints that diversity hiring has been relevant to a job I have gone for. It is still a feature everywhere and for every job, apart from the ones women do not generally go for (like shelf stacking) that women will be considered first for job roles.
For me personally, and for many people to be honest, disability has been a huge factor. I am going for entry level or minimum wage levels of work because the disability has messed up a lot of my life.
Because I'm spending time in the sun to counteract a nasty vitamin D deficiency a few years ago. Also because my health is generally improving as it is a constant focus of mine. I am aware of my desires at the moment. Also with all the girls dressed for summer. I am also keenly aware recently that I should be doing my best to have children - the clock is ticking and to have them too late is hard work. To not have them is a lonely existence. But at the same time, the very real limitations of my medical condition make that possibly not well advised.
Which brings me to this, which I think is a fairly universal point. A mans job, his function, is to put together, with a kind of natural, "engineering" type of intelligence. His world as best he can and to mobilise to gain resources. Stacks of cash if possible. Naturally, men have built the entire society we live in. All the roads, the concrete, plumber, the truck drivers, the buildings, the fire services etc. Are all built by men. Because of this instinct. Men desire to provide service to the world so that they can gain resources. When they do gain resources, they gain way more than they need, because the excess is meant to go to women and children. So that women can pay attention exclusively to children.
Women are not really meant to be doing a lot of this gaining resources. They can and they do, but they are not meant to. The establishment has also created a lot of high status, but very low actual work, jobs. That mess everything up. Giving women a lot of resources and decreasing their need for men. This, the wealth transfer to women, also happens in a great deal of other ways. Such as through taxation.
There are a lot of other factors. Inflation. The lack of tradition and communities. But where this all leads. Is that the birth rate is plunging. Dating is stopping statistically. Although, in Englands heat, I don't imagine there will be a lack of it this year for England.
Where this all ends is that the things people are naturally designed to do and thus, the things people feel they should be doing. Are not being done. There is no opportunity to do them. Women are not having multiple children. They are often not being pursued which is obviously an earlier stage. Men are not going out working, gaining excess resources, and pursuing women.
That leaves me, as an individual. Just not really sure what I should be doing with my time to an extent. Like I said, I have the instinct to pursue women. To cold approach perhaps. But I also have an awareness I am in my late thirties with no job, no skills, meaning work skills but also including social skills, and a serious medical condition. I am not a "catch".
The other day on twitter I saw a post from a woman who really passionately made the case for wanting things to change to a new place in reference to the Q narrative. I agree. I think in order to have a functional life I would probably need to de- age a fair amount and re-live a lot of formative experiences without my medical condition. The post from the woman was life giving because she exposed a part of her emotional motivation. Her daughter had non verbal autism and she wanted the child to be cured.
There is a lot going on in the world and a lot of people have a lot of problems. A great deal of those far more serious than mine. Getting a job for me, if I were to, may be the beginning of another set of problems.
But what I suppose I am wondering is, this period, between the old world and whatever comes next. Whether that is Q linked or not. Is this part of the story> Is this productive? I am trying to volunteer. If I do volunteer. Will this be significant to my life? Following on from a works based interpretation of the gospel, and I am Christian. Or is this just some kind of holding pattern? Will I try and sign up for volunteering and either it doesn't work, or it does work and it's just kind of pointless. I don't meet anyone that has an impact on my life or that I have an impact on etc.
Many stories have been told in similarly apparently dysfunctional situations I am sure. People have lived through wars. But at the same time. I can't say that anyone elses path has been definitively notable either.
These questions I think, never have a firm answer. Perhaps they are still worth asking though.
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