The desires of the mind.

Intense period of insights. 

I have rediscovered what I periodically rediscover. What I have a huge insight about, and then I loop around a few months later and make the error again. 

Every so often I think to myself that as a path, I should take the path of the healer. I have a huge amount of very convincing reasons for this. Reasons I am still convinced by, even though, in practical terms, I know the arguments are not true. 

In general, the conflict within me is that on one side I have healing. On the other side I have meditation. Sometimes in these conflict music is also attached to the meditation side. 

The reason.

The reason I bring this up is to illustrate a truth that has been stated in the spiritual sources I talk about. One that is hard I think for us to generally get our "minds" around. That is, that the narrative of the mind is not the thing we should be following. That there is a deeper intuition within us that does not really take the stories the mind creates into account. 

This is the case with me and healing every time. What are the many, many reasons my mind tells me that it would be very suitable for me to be an energy healer?:

• I have a lot of tendency to gain spiritual information. It would be good if that was used for such a task. 
• I am kind of Christian, and Jesus was a healer. I am also open minded and spiritual in a way that a lot of people are not.
• The other things that I find pleasure in, say, music. I am a little blocked from. Musician is such a coveted position that I am unlikely to get a career in it, and if I were to, it would be very competitive in a way that would stress my health. 
• One of the issues I have in my real life is low status. It seems logical that any spiritual path I have would tend to increase said status. Being an energy healer, if I got results, would do that. 
• Honestly, white light energy therapy is thought of as only positive. On what basis would someone reject something only positive?

I fell into this partly with my recent health scare and I have gotten some small results. I also, as part of this, came away from the use of prayer as a personal tool. I noticed I was a little less interested in music all of a sudden and pulling on another tool a bit more frequently; philosophy. I was listening to a lecture on Nietzxche the other day. Thinking how positive it is to get a decent handle on the issues of status he discussed. 

Then when I stopped prayer and started to rely on energy therapy instead for that same sense of connection. I also started putting together a lot of theories about why this was the correct way of being for me. I noticed when emotions towards people changed when I wasn't praying compared to when I was. So say I thought of one thing more and another thing less.  

Then the switch.

Then, at a certain point, it became clear to me this was not quite right. I prayed again, I meditated again, which is another thing that I wasn't doing on top of energy therapy. You can really only do one of those things a day. 

Something unbelievable switched on inside me and I knew that doing prayer was correct. I enjoyed music again in a way that I wasn't before. Subjectively, I have this unbelievable commitment within myself I have to keep on with the music. As though my survival depended on it. It is the one thing out of all these types of contemplations that is not in doubt. So I judge things like this on feeling, and on how well it correlates to music. 

And the point of this entire self involved meander? The point, the spiritual point. Is that my mind simply doesn't have a say in the matter in real terms. I might believe it does or, it believes it does. But experientially, like the human design says. It is something inside us that guides us along the path. 

Even now, the justification for doing the energy work on a mental level cannot be defeated. Even now, it seems illogical to do music, illogical to meditate; and makes far more sense to put all my spiritual inclinations and free time into the healing. 

But that is simply not how it is meant to be. I have had insights into this via a Law of One quote. I have had other insights that show the amazing power of this guiding force in opposition to the preferences of the mind. But I don't think it is needed.