The path of faith.

Damn, I have just finished watching a show, and it was just absolute crap. I enjoyed it as far as it goes, and am deeply appreciative that it existed because I have spent a few days now engaged in a lot of tidying. So much so that I have had no "me time". An area that was filled with junk is now clear and I am continuing to clear. Hopefully to keep this level of cleanliness in general. Dismissing my previously more slovenly state as a potential symptom of my, previously more severe, illness. 

But despite needing it as a respite from - actually doing something productive with my time. It was absolutely hollow. There were no values in this show. There were no interesting characters or character development. I also watched the last season of a simpler, more fun show which was kind of meaningful. A good contrast. 

This is mentioned partly as a reflection on the world as we experience it now. What is the value of watching this kind of thing, seriously?

Not the main thing that is on my mind though. 

My posts over the last few weeks, a bout of about five days a few weeks ago. Had me questioning Christianity. This was partly inspired by my love of philosophy. That I wanted to get my answers more from that. Things that could be reasoned from "first principles". But it was also the result of an internal battle that is waging, has been waging for a while. That is admittedly often so confusing that I might be wrong about it. I might question the things said in this post at a later date. 

Anyway, the battle was between two contradicting positions. One is the faith that has been gained from the Law of One where my reasoning cannot even pretend to be taken from first principles. This position takes in a whole continuing path in the continued study of archetypes. The second is a kind of harder skepticism that I was building on. I am not quite sure precisely what the boundaries of this path are because it would be kind of new; but, it would involve letting go of the Law of One to an extent and relying more on the work of Stefan Molyneux. I can recall a specific example that was relevant here. Where session 19.17 described good and evil in a very basic way, and then Stefan described something very similar in a far better way over about twenty minutes or more. Might have been like 45. 

The departure from the faith that I had earlier was the result of the Stefan perspective winning out. But I found walking that path to not be possible. So I am starting to realise that following his work as closely as I do. And I have followed his work very, very closely. I can articulate his positions very well I think. Some of them have become indistinguishable from my own. 

This is an insight that feels as though it is very much expressed directly from its root. The actual root of a confusion in my pathway is pro archetypes or pro Stefan. The articulation of that in any deeper detail. Thoughts on how it fits into my human design or specifically, things I don't agree with about Stefans viewpoint or, even sometimes subtler than that. Places where he might be right, but that it doesn't serve me to study or articulate his message on that specific area. 

I might have some of these points in the future. But for the moment, I just wanted to put forward that for me, choosing the path of faith going forward seems quite functional to me.  

Insight on the acceptance of self.

This entry might be a little disorganised. I do, at least, have an insight though into things I have previously discussed. For me, chocolate and caffeine are not good. I might still have them sometimes, specifically the powdered Cacao I have. Since it is a super food with large amounts of potassium, magnesium and iron. 

But the substance is a chemical for me at least. I have eaten it for eleven days. Partly to get myself through days where I had to spend every hour tidying. Today, not having it. I have a headache and an emotional feeling of grief that I was consciously aware stops getting processed when I have caffeine.

Acceptance of self. 

I have become aware of a fundamental reality today. Because of a few different elements.

The first element is that for many years I was absolutely obsessed with conspiracy theory. I did make a video with studies I had found on how anxiety works, hypothesizing that conspiracy gives people a low level of a trauma bonding kind of thing. Which I maintain. When you are reading about Bond villain levels of evil, I felt at least, that I was prioritising shallow connections with others out of a sense of false comeraderie. Trying to find allies against such a villain. Obviously this false affection was not a good thing to do. 

The second element as I have mentioned is the caffeine. The third element is that on Pearls livestream yesterday she brought up an insight that is powerful for me. She has said that women getting angry at men being "porn brained" tends to be when those same women are doing something like advertising themselves with a cross on and their boobs out doing Christian content. That this is a clearly sexual thing. But they are trying to gaslight men by claiming they are 'porn brained' and pushing off criticism. 

These three together have lead to an unusual insight this morning. I realise that being absolutely soaked in thinking about and yearning sexually, is actually quite productive. We have a huge thing in our society where this is shamed and shamed and shamed again. I would venture for the same reasons as described above. It is the mens 'porn brain' that stops relationships happening. Rather than, as the data shows, women not wanting to settle down before 30. Men always have to be blamed women are always above reproach.

But personally, in comparison to conspiracy or distracting myself with caffeine. The feeling I get at the end of allowing myself to obsess over sexuality a bit is thinking over how I could actually meet women, or get into a relationship. Or even improve others of my relationships. Part of this might be attempting to raise my status through say, work or hobbies. The whole thing might stimulate a creative outlet. 

It's just an insight I thought I would share. Also, one of the things I have thought is that if I stop "releasing" energy (NoFap0, then perhaps this would give me more energy for productive things. Such as the gym. I find that chocolate and alcohol are overstimulating in this regard. My NoFap is already a few days longer having stopped caffeine. 

I have more to say. But not that I'm able to articulate right now.  

Human design thoughts. G self to the throat.

A few fairly complex ideas to work through here. To begin with, I am going to show my chart without the side numbers. I have not planned out this article beyond a basic outline but I know that this is going to come up. So here it is:

Finding my footing in my spiritual beliefs. 

Recently, I have talked about on my youtube a realisation while Uranus was transiting gate 8. That I had a certain not self behaviour in feeling or believing I was a 1-8 individual and acting like it in small ways. But as you see from my chart in fact I only have the 1. 

This is all very complex things I am working on and is likely linked to my recent confusions and resultant clarity on my faith that is "lightly Christian". But as part of this, I have done a lot of introspection on people and the message of the G-self through to throat connections. And this is definitely one of those. 

This is a chart of a person called Aaron Abke, who does teaching based upon his interpretation of the bible and Christianity. What Jesus originally meant and how that message has been twisted etc.

 

The relevance of the 1-8 is something that I wanted to point out but not more specifically focus on. The point being that Aaron Abke's ideas on Christianity is what I now follow and Aaron supports a very works based idea of Jesus' original teachings. Matthew 25:37 describes what Aaron sees as Jesus' message. That if you love God you must actually be loving in the real world and also, as a secondary point of relevance. Jesus did not ever say anything about insisting others believe in him or the resurrection. Those messages were all coming from people that came after Jesus often. When asked, Jesus gave two messages. Love god with all your heart and love your neighbour as yourself. No accept that Jesus has risen. 

It is the message that I attempt to follow and find value in. With my last dog, I used to find that putting on a lead and actually walking with him just had more real world relevance than reading about the spiritual message of being loving. 

This is what I have experienced over the past week. From Saturday through to Friday I was run off my feet with having to prepare the house for a new dog. I took Saturday off, thinking it was over. Then today had to do a bunch more stuff. I have reached a level of deep exhaustion. I did not eat very well over most of this time. I did not pray, meditate or play music; activities that usually give me energy. I tended to eat multiple chocolate bars to support my energy. Gained weight. Very often tidied or did other tasks from the moment I woke up. A few hours here and there some days to watch TV and get back to myself a bit. Some days bad sleep. Some days hardly any, like, three hours or so. 

I felt pretty crap about this. Pretty resentful. But I realise. It is what I have asked for. If we want something then when it arrives I don't think it right to complain internally about how unfair it all is. I did stuff in the real world that leads in a loving direction. 

Alex Hormozi's chart.  

Stefan Molyneux, Carla Rueckert, Aaron Abke as mentioned and quite a few more, all have G- self to the throat connections. The message of these centres/ channels and how I differ from them is an insight and message that I am slowly learning how to understand and articulate. 

It has come up here. I have been quite surprised by a change in my understanding of Alex Hormozi. This was the chart I originally had for him due to his currently listed birthday on a lot of websites:

So one of the reasons I mentioned Aaron Abke and the way I am attempting to understand and experience the world. Is that the process I am about to describe is all so completely abstract. It's a strange process. Most of astrology, most of the human design, is fundamentally subjective. It lacks objective measures that we can use for support. It does not seem to be able to be explained from first principles. 

The point of all this information is to use it in the real world. So there is always a risk with the kind of thing I am talking about here. Taking one subjective set of understandings and finding fault in them, only to substitute another subjective set of understandings. It does lie on the barrier of mental health in my view. To apply too much weight to subjective understandings is to risk insanity. Literal insanity.

With that proviso I will continue though. 

Even when I first ran this incorrect chart of Hormozi's, something just did not sit right with me. Interviews with Hormozi do not to me, reflect, the almost maddening, often semi theological understandings of the 64-47 channel as shown in this chart. Below is the chart of Stefan Molyneux:

 

This is the energy of the 64-47 for real. Also, as might be relevant on the individual stream, please notice that Stefan has the 14-2.

Nevertheless, I was convinced by the correctness of this chart. The video I will draw off for both of these Hormozi based examples is Youtube: Chris Williamson: 24 Harsh Truths about Distraction, Motivation and Focus - Alex Hormozi. Dated: August 26th 2024.

36:40:- That guy showed up, unannounced or whatever, and he said "Hey man, can we do a podcast?" And I was like; Um, I'm just in town, gonna hang out with Laila for the next few days, like, not really trying to do that". And he asked again, and he was like "Hey, it will be like 20 minutes, we can just rock one out" And I was like, well, let me show you my calendar, and I pulled out my calendar and it was all empty. And I said, "See, there's nothing on there, I just want to keep it that way". And, I didn't think anything of it. But, apparently, he left, and my friend just started just crying, laughing, just thinking how hilarious he's like; "I can't believe you said that, that was so boss," and I was like "What is he talking about?" He was like "You just showed him your calendar, you had like nothing and you were like, you're STILL not gonna get any of my time". 

I realise that I have done an English literature no no here and used a full stop before an and several times. But that is just how he talks. He pauses and then starts a new sentence with "and".  

The thing is with this, is it fits for me, quite precisely, the reality, as expressed by the 21-45 in the incorrect chart that I posted. It is a pure manifesting channel. My theory was that the 21-45 communicates very clearly, as per the will power. That you are over there and I am over here and you have to provide value for me to interact with you. 

I (as a person with the 21-45) once had an experience very similar to this. I was walking down the street with a friend and was vaguely aware of a person bothering me. After my friend had told this other person I was not interested he was surprised that I was actually not listening to the individual that had been following me trying to talk to me. I wasn't pretending to ignore them, I was not listening. Who was some sort of charity worker I think. It is a similar thing to what Hormozi has described here. 

I think this is a problem in general with something like the human design when we notice things like this. Even though Hormozi's incorrect chart did not feel right to me for reasons described. I found, what I think is convincing evidence it is correct, and if I had been inclined might make a whole set of theories about that. 

Alex Hormozi's real chart.

Credit to this goes to a woman who teaches the Human Design called Kelsey Crookshanks. Who snipped for ma a facebook post from Hormozi where he discusses his real age. This is likely his real chart, this is a better guess based on current knowledge:

 

It feels a relief to look at this chart. But what is that emotion really? Am I really refining a kind of intuitive emotion with these things? Something completely lacking in any objectivity. 

Anyway, so here is the man himself. As mentioned previously, I have some thoughts and experience around G-self to the throat channels. So perhaps I can capture how this is working in Alex's life. 

Firstly, as we saw with Stefan Molyneux. Who has the 14-2 and the 8-1. Which is a sacral going through the G- self to the throat. We can see a similar drive, success, and that the sacral energy is being plugged through an entire set of values. 

Unlike Stefan however, in correlation with Ra Uru Hu and Aaron Abke, we see the 10-20 going from the G-self to the throat, and I think this channel often wants to communicate in a way that isn't excessively meaningful, or morals based. It wants to get down to the basics, the mechanics. Like Aarons explanation of biblical quotes. 

The individual channel going from 14-2 does tend to be entrepeneurial. I have yet to meet a person with the gate 14 who doesn't stack resources. Even if they have pretty much no other redeeming qualities. That individual stream starts with resources and goes into taking those resources and creating a message.

I have also noticed in the human design that parts in the stream talk about the same story even if hexagrams are missing. For instance, I have the gate 58 and the gate 48. I am missing the gate 18. Nevertheless, even without gate 18 things that happen in gate 58 reflect strongly in the themes of the gate 48. The gate 18 still exists and the collective fills in the story. 

Connecting it to a speech. 

Anyway, about five minutes later in that same video, we get to this:

45:13:... and so, I think, all of it comes down to when you change yourself, you will change the world, because you'll change how you see it. 

46:15:... So if I say, is there a version of yourself that is better than you are right now? Most people, hopefully, would say yes. It's like right, accept THAT person. And I think that, to me, when we talk about the authenticity, accepting yourself is accepting the ideal we can live up to.  

So, connecting this to Alex's chart. We can see that this is your classic G- self to Throat kind of theme. The kind of things Stefan talks about and Carla channels. It seems to me no coincidence that this channel (either 8-1 or G-self to the throat generally) shows up very often in some of the people whose destiny has very strongly given them a wisdom based platform. That they express to others something about the way the world works. It is this channel that wants to be understood and expressed. 

The higher forces decided that the love theme going through the new age and psychology community was not enough. We need it everywhere so we want this bro's bro businessman saying it as well. 

Conclusion:

This has been a long post with a lot of energy expenditure. As though I had some powerful message to communicate and for the life of me, I don't know what that is. 

I must have been wrong about the 21-45 or perhaps Alex was expressing something of that theme even though it was not in his chart for some reason (transit, or synastry from someone involved perhaps?) Donald Trump, Tom Cruise and Al Pacino are the first people that come to mind with the 21-45 but none of them have a particular theme linking how they express themselves as far as I can see. I suppose they are vaguely intimidating. It is not clear that ignoring people and transactional relationships is in fact the 21-45. Perhaps I am just weird.  

Working through 3 forums.

A bad moment right now but at least it has motivated me to blog. I have type 1 diabetes. It is the health condition that I refer to, but it has come with a few complications. I am a long term diabetic. 

I won't go into what some of the complications are right now. But in this moment right now. I am not able to go to the gym because I got something a bit wrong with my bloodsugars. They are now on their way to the stratosphere and I have to wait them out to see if they will stop, go high and fall, or go high and I will need to do more insulin. This will probably take me to later than it is likely I will go to the gym. I don't think it is practical to do weight work at high bloodsugars. 

It is a constant daily balancing act where bouts of hours at a time are just taken away. Due to say, a hypo or high bloodsugars. Excess sleep and other things. I slept from 4:00 to 14:30 this morning. With about a one hour waking time at 11:00.

I want to rehash a very petty grievance I have though. I think, that this might motivate a higher message. But there is a strong likelihood that it does not. 

I had a dream a few days ago. Just a snippet. That indicated that going off certain forums and such was misjudged in some manner. The specific nature of the misjudgements was highlighted to me. I found this unlikely, because I thought of most of those people as not particularly pleasant or productive. This has proven to be largely right as I will go into. In one case perhaps. 

There were two candidates initially. The Law of One forum connected to llresearch. The ElsaElsa forum, which is an astrology forum. Then, I remembered later, perhaps the Reddit forum "Law of One Philosophy" run by an llresearch affiliated individual called Jeremy. 

The Law of One forum. I went back on it. But after I logged in I was not able to go any further without committing to "two factor identification". This is interesting and has come in because of the UK Online Safety Act that has had the gall to message American companies and say, in writing, that they will be sent to jail. 

Many companies, many individuals. As shown by the actions of people in 2020. Really enjoy submitting to this kind of authority. I can imagine middle managers that get this kind of message feeling like they are important, like they are secret agents. They probably generally agree with the idea of suppressing free speech, because they are mediocre people with no ideas, and they don't like that other people are exceptional, and do have ideas. 

Llresearch is one of those. Unlike Rumble or 4Chan. That just told the UK gov to get lost. Llresearch's forum caved and set up two factor identification. They want your phone number so if you say any hurty words on their forum, they can report that to the UK government. 

It feels good. It makes me even appreciate the negative polarity a bit. That absolute cowards that preach goodness and virtue are put under pressure by such forces. I recall thinking this earlier with office bullies. How people, had their not been vicious gossip about, could have gotten away with seeming to be virtuous by being ultra passive. 

Had I decided that the guidance was for llresearch, that would have been a bad feeling for me. I found them very parasitic. An absolute refusal to discuss things even when clearly spelled out in texts they are apparently committed to. They seemed largely of the persuasion that they could idealise their own hedonistic, emotional desires; and call them enlightened without reading the source text, and that is why they were there. It was very draining trying to communicate with them. 

So that was not the first one I chose. I thought initially it might be ElsaElsa. I have put a lot of effort into some of my posts on Elsa's blog. I have clearly outlined a few planetary transits, and I did that with the view of supporting her. I feel the mission of supporting astrology is good. I feel a little for her medical situation. I have even communicated positively with other people on her site. Outside of a few political posts which her followers did not like. I think my posts would generally have the effect of said followers enjoying my posts and hopefully, it being a positive motivation in returning to the site. 

Elsa though, is absolute scum. She is a scum human being and I am sticking with that. Again, the next few paragraphs of me stating my case will probably be boring and petty. So just a heads up. On August 18th, 2025; she wrote a post with the term 'high level negotiations' in the title.  

The conversation started out because, high level negotiations on the date that Trump and Zelensky meet. Pretty much the exact day. Seemed to have a political link to me and I said it's a strange title for someone that wants to avoid politics. 

There were others of her points here that I would also want to push back on but will not do for time. But this post of hers is a lie. It is vicious crap. I have not been repeatedly banned. I was banned once and she did not tell me that she had banned me. I literally emailed her and she did not tell me she had intentionally banned me, I thought there was a software error. So she banned me one time and then unbanned me. 

If it had repeatedly happened that she had banned me. Then how could I return? I have not emailed her outside that one time. Nor would I want to. I donated once and brought one of her products once. She emailed me though when I first went on her forum. It was a paranoid email about not stealing her business because I had posted my blog on her site. There was no paid services from my blog. I had a job at that time, I was not interested in pursuing astrology.

It doesn't make sense on it's own merits. If I was banned then I, by definition, could not return. So I would not experience arguing and being banned again. And if I was, doesn't that seem more like it would be on her not me? If I was banned and unbanned and rebanned infinitely like she is implying, would that not be her issue?

Wonder how many of her followers will put those 2+2 together? 

There are a few other small events. I think I was banned twice actually and I never returned to the forum after the second banning, when I was told I was banned, because... Why would I? 

Notice also the ridiculous victim card on this post... "Oh I was just trying to make a post and this horrible person bothers me. I have a family situation. Wah wah, woe is me". It is the same every damn time with this woman. That kind of victim card would be far more effective if she was 20 years old, not a 60 something full grown adult. 

Scum person. But yes, the fact that I have gone back to her website every so often. That was on me. I actually left it last time just because. There was no argument. I just didn't particularly like it. But the error came from attempting incorrectly to follow the dream guidance. 

The only lesson to draw from that is don't try to extend an olive branch to a loser. These people are good at making you feel like you are the only problem due to their constant distress calls of being a victim. So you are more likely to try and correct it by being pleasant. But the time is unproductive to try and be nice to these sorts of individuals.  

The last one, was one that I had gotten into an argument with about the correct interpretation of the Law of One, which I might go into at another point. Jeremy from Bring4th, who is working through the spiritual lessons of the early Q'uo readings. I also looked at his own channeling and I felt that it had been influenced too strongly by his clear and stated leftist leaning. The Law of One does not support a super nurturing attitude from my understanding. 

However, I think this is probably the forum I had judged wrongly and the dream was asking me to correct. I will not likely post or comment on this forum, it feels strange to not like and comment appreciatively when someone provides something positive. But I think it is for the best. The insights that come from the Q'uo (et al.) readings are good, and I continually use some of the insights I have already gained from what is posted there, and so it might be worth paying attention to every so often. 

There is more I actually have to say here. I had a whole brainwave earlier when Stefan Molyneux was using economic analogies for the term "respect" in a recent podcast. But, I feel like this entry is long enough already. 

(Quick edit after finishing. My bloodsugars only went up to 12 and then flattened at 10... PERFECT for gym. So life is good at the moment! So I'll go to the gym now.) 

Reflections on a difficult society/ situation.

I have been thinking lately about how incredibly stuck I am. Unemployed and not likely to be employed soon. That is only one hurdle. EVEN before getting to the job and facing any issues once I get there (such as them ignoring any health concessions I might need). Which, going from my last job, such issues will likely not be insignificant. But I am in a constant state of applying for jobs and getting responses like: "We are looking at your application but please understand we have received many for this role". These numbers are HIGH when I have inquired at interviews. I do not see myself as the best candidate most of the time, just from the law of averages and not being twenty years old, and to be honest, in a lot of customer service roles, not being female. 

I am also ill. I have had entire days unproductive due to this. Nursing a painful stomach. My health is slowly improving. Lack of money isn't helping here. I had a fantastic gym session yesterday. But even if it is improving, it is not good or even average. It obviously impacts, practically and potentially. On friendships, potential relationships and intimate encounters, jobs etc. 

On the subject of friendships and relationships. These are a no go. I am thinking of sex more as my health improves. It was certainly peaceful on the intimate front not having much sex drive. Or having a confused sex drive. Therefore, not even desiring to risk anything to achieve that aim. A lot of women are all sorts of manipulative, toxic and/ or... left wing. Sometimes kind of deluded in a way I can't interact with.  

Also, especially after a certain age. Experience I don't have is really needed. Having little experience I would not settle for a woman that was trying to 'lock down a provider'. I could not live without any spontaneous relationship fun that women have before they become super controlling around 30. At least to have experienced that a little. I do not want to engage with only the bad parts of a relationship, with a woman who uses sex for control ("Not looking for a hook up"), and has a timetable as her biological clock runs out. But I am at an age, and certainly at an income level, where getting anything I would desire, from women at least, would be practically impossible. The only thing that I can afford, or even potentially afford if things were to improve, is "second hand", so to speak. If that. Sometimes buying something second hand that you will have to pay a lot of money to fix and won't run very well is simply not worth it.  

Friendships, and even some family relationships are also fraught with these problems. I have been ill and dysfunctional. A lot of anxiety and attention paid to non conformist politics. People don't like me. They avoid me. But also, I can't do what a grown man, a grown individual of either gender in truth, has to do as an adult. I cannot provide value. Or at least, any value I do provide is likely not going to be received well for a host of reasons. 

People have been, and are, dismissive and rude. They have no time for me as I do not have any status. In the future, if I were to gain status, which is obviously what would happen if my goals were achieved, or I got lucky. It would present an interesting conundrum. What value is someones positive attention (if I were to have "made it" and had status). If, when I had low status, they ignored me? The value of their attention would be at zero it seems to me currently. Perhaps if that were to happen things would seem different, there might be elements I have not accounted for. But I can't think of an alternative to that value number.  

That is obviously "if" I were to gain status. If I do not it's not even an option. They will just carry on ignoring me.  

It is certainly not all hopeless in my view. I use a lot of extremely powerful metaphysical tools and if my situation can be improved. Those metaphysical tools would do so. I know that the Law of One is awesome and I study it. I meditate. I have musical talent and a high IQ. I pay attention to dream interpretation, and I do have a spiritual life which means I am not alone in a way that many people are. 

In real terms. I am not the only person to be experiencing difficult situations in this economy and in the current social and political situation. There has been a sustained campaign, to reduce the power of men. Through DEI and various other things. At a point, men have no leverage, no power, and hence, nothing to negotiate with. Women have all the legal power in marriage and most of the social power in most situations before we even get there. So men don't engage in dating and such. 

I do have a disability. It's not a terrible one. It is invisible. I don't have a wheelchair or a severe mental health issue. But I do have a disability, and I suppose this is the existence that disabled people have. Being casually ignored and condescended to in general. Not able to earn a lot of money. 

I do though, also, believe in the QAnon narrative. That things are on the way to getting better and that there is a possibility that things will transform a great deal. So really, it is what it is. 

Back to Christianity.

So yeah, a couple of days without doing communion and prayer, without committing to Christianity, and I soon went back. 

The demonic emotions/ sensations were very intense. I will not be going off Christianity again I don't expect. This is it now. And all the paraphernalia I have attached to it that I was disattaching from. The Law of One and the Q'uo readings. 

It changes my perspective in a few fundamental ways. Before I was kind of pushing against my own Christianity. I was unsure. But now I have decided I am running with it. It has brought into clarity a few of the things I would like to articulate.

But that is not for now. I just wanted to update because it is not honest to have my last post being against Christianity and to have my actively practicing it. 

Following ones own path.

Been having pretty big insights.

Only a short entry today. But the main insight I have had is a realisation of a kind of entropy. In my brain a few things are grouped together. The Quo readings, the Law of One, Christianity and communion and Prayer. 

These things I have decided are not useful to me, and I am no longer identifying as a Christian.

I still do believe strongly in the Law of One. Which submits to a kind of new age mythology. But I realise since I became Christian, to myself. I have kind of tried to shoehorn Christianity into my life and it has never fit. 

There are many different things going into this. But stopping with the Christian mythology has allowed me to be far more clear than I was. It is far more easy to motivate myself and to see clearly without having to rewire around this conception of myself in this quasi spiritual, heart chakra'd, way. 

Even though I have taken some of the bare bones of the Law of One as legitimate. Further looking into the Law of One. Reading about it or thinking of it any further. Well, I definitely get a certain repulsion from the concept of doing so.

I'm thinking, to understand meaning in my life philosophy is a better direction for me at this time.