I have been thinking lately about how incredibly stuck I am. Unemployed and not likely to be employed soon. That is only one hurdle. EVEN before getting to the job and facing any issues once I get there (such as them ignoring any health concessions I might need). Which, going from my last job, such issues will likely not be insignificant. But I am in a constant state of applying for jobs and getting responses like: "We are looking at your application but please understand we have received many for this role". These numbers are HIGH when I have inquired at interviews. I do not see myself as the best candidate most of the time, just from the law of averages and not being twenty years old, and to be honest, in a lot of customer service roles, not being female.
I am also ill. I have had entire days unproductive due to this. Nursing a painful stomach. My health is slowly improving. Lack of money isn't helping here. I had a fantastic gym session yesterday. But even if it is improving, it is not good or even average. It obviously impacts, practically and potentially. On friendships, potential relationships and intimate encounters, jobs etc.
On the subject of friendships and relationships. These are a no go. I am thinking of sex more as my health improves. It was certainly peaceful on the intimate front not having much sex drive. Or having a confused sex drive. Therefore, not even desiring to risk anything to achieve that aim. A lot of women are all sorts of manipulative, toxic and/ or... left wing. Sometimes kind of deluded in a way I can't interact with.
Also, especially after a certain age. Experience I don't have is really needed. Having little experience I would not settle for a woman that was trying to 'lock down a provider'. I could not live without any spontaneous relationship fun that women have before they become super controlling around 30. At least to have experienced that a little. I do not want to engage with only the bad parts of a relationship, with a woman who uses sex for control ("Not looking for a hook up"), and has a timetable as her biological clock runs out. But I am at an age, and certainly at an income level, where getting anything I would desire, from women at least, would be practically impossible. The only thing that I can afford, or even potentially afford if things were to improve, is "second hand", so to speak. If that. Sometimes buying something second hand that you will have to pay a lot of money to fix and won't run very well is simply not worth it.
Friendships, and even some family relationships are also fraught with these problems. I have been ill and dysfunctional. A lot of anxiety and attention paid to non conformist politics. People don't like me. They avoid me. But also, I can't do what a grown man, a grown individual of either gender in truth, has to do as an adult. I cannot provide value. Or at least, any value I do provide is likely not going to be received well for a host of reasons.
People have been, and are, dismissive and rude. They have no time for me as I do not have any status. In the future, if I were to gain status, which is obviously what would happen if my goals were achieved, or I got lucky. It would present an interesting conundrum. What value is someones positive attention (if I were to have "made it" and had status). If, when I had low status, they ignored me? The value of their attention would be at zero it seems to me currently. Perhaps if that were to happen things would seem different, there might be elements I have not accounted for. But I can't think of an alternative to that value number.
That is obviously "if" I were to gain status. If I do not it's not even an option. They will just carry on ignoring me.
It is certainly not all hopeless in my view. I use a lot of extremely powerful metaphysical tools and if my situation can be improved. Those metaphysical tools would do so. I know that the Law of One is awesome and I study it. I meditate. I have musical talent and a high IQ. I pay attention to dream interpretation, and I do have a spiritual life which means I am not alone in a way that many people are.
In real terms. I am not the only person to be experiencing difficult situations in this economy and in the current social and political situation. There has been a sustained campaign, to reduce the power of men. Through DEI and various other things. At a point, men have no leverage, no power, and hence, nothing to negotiate with. Women have all the legal power in marriage and most of the social power in most situations before we even get there. So men don't engage in dating and such.
I do have a disability. It's not a terrible one. It is invisible. I don't have a wheelchair or a severe mental health issue. But I do have a disability, and I suppose this is the existence that disabled people have. Being casually ignored and condescended to in general. Not able to earn a lot of money.
I do though, also, believe in the QAnon narrative. That things are on the way to getting better and that there is a possibility that things will transform a great deal. So really, it is what it is.
