For those of you who don't know I started off doing a lot of very interesting spiritual work, kind of channeling almost things from deep inside, with a side interest in politics.
Then some stuff went crazy into my life and these two split into poles. I was either very intensely talking about myself and my emotions, or talking very focused on politics and astrology, but the two didn't really meet. There had been a split.
Then I slowly transitioned talking less about myself, as these emotions and intuitions would come up but their intensity would find no expression and no return energy. I would then talk more about politics.
However, politics is always a cover for other emotions.
Things have gotten pretty dark. As I have previously summarized I had felt that all my intuition lead me to a result in the real world and in the real world, someone whom my life path 'depended on', was extremely, deliberately and with full knowledge cruel towards me, and I cannot travel my 'real path', the path that gives me my natural energy from the creator, since it will lead me back to attempting to interact with several of these people who are i) lacking kindness ii) fanatically angry and hateful of me of iii) nasty liars... All supremely weak human beings.
So what now?
My health is declining. Since I can't travel my natural path, I can't relax and use the love and intuition to guide me along routes that would be good for me and avoid pitfalls. I am living in a world where I have no purpose and no place and where the world doesn't really attempt to make me one. I volunteer at a place where I know I am not needed. I don't get on well with people socially a great deal, I can't ever, not even for a moment relax, and, obviously, it is difficult to motivate myself when my 'raison d'etre' must be consciously avoided!!!
Needless to say this is all taking it's toll. I have not slept for a while and my diabetes is raging. It is causing real distress. The totalitarian governments are preventing the normal 'fixing' mechanisms from occuring that would normally perhaps aid my survival in this situation... Perhaps.
Day after day passes and the only thing that motivates me anymore is seeing some sort of justice against the people that originally harmed me... Because I have wholly given up on any hope of love from such people.
How long will I survive? Will I survive?... Probably. I don't know. I am trying to survive, it is not all important but I am at least trying.
I find it difficult to imagine I would gain justice since even though the behaviours involved are wholly unjustified, cruel, and the person who had the most influence did so because they believed they would be able to get away with it with no repercussions. I have grown tired of not seeing any material karma show itself ever so much so that I'm starting to doubt it exists. Bluntly stated... These people deserve to suffer in intensities far beyond that which would make them contact me and attempt to do anything and everything only so the suffering would end.
But, as I write this, and writing is another small way in which I contact the creator. I know it actually will be so and can motivate myself through this exhaustion and insomnia to make sure of that. When the stock market crashes and karma is in some ways 'restored' things will naturally set in the way that they should.
It's just that I need to constantly re- remind myself of this with the facts of how difficult it has been, for me and indeed the whole world, with this Satanic regime at the helm that just won't give up.
They can't win, it is not possible. They are just keeping people suffering for the pure sake of it!