I've had a dream talking to me about session 69 and suicide etc.
It strikes me that if something like the awful stuff that happened to the wanderer in session 69 was likely to happen to you, suicide would be a good option. The world wouldn't understand, but it never does. As I said I'm not completely convinced by hypnosis research on afterlife.
It is also clear to me that the situation for me is very negative, In real terms this is almost no negativity, like, nothing really, only small things that actually effect me in real terms, the rest happening on more psychic levels. But to recap I have been in touch with extremely positive entities and ideas, tried to use these and been blocked by the outside world (by someone that originally overwhelmingly confirmed this idea and that I can holistically understand and trace feelings with). This is quite a negative things obviously, not the only time when guidance from positive entities has been agressively opposed.
Which means that intent behind this negativity must be pretty strong.
The dream also contained guidance to stop arguing on twitter, I had originally been ignoring 666 signs there. Probably the stock market too (with 666), and other dream guidance has been pushing me to at least listen to music.
I have been worried that listening and engaging with music again may open my feelings enough to make it difficult me to refuse guidance to call the girl. But at this point, with so little understanding about what is going on in my life (since I don't have an LoO contact telling me in such simple terms the way things are, or, I suppose I do, but the negative stuff is more vague and doesn't allow for contingency plans), I can't see how I can make decisions in an informed way, so I have to do my best with this kind of guidance.
Also, the situation has resembled a little bit, probably because it is related to my energy field, the 'crucifixion of Esmerelda Sweetwater'. I'm glad this bit is coming out because I didn't get the energy backing me up at the early point of the blog.
In tces, the negative took the girl out of the way and the guy had to follow her through unconventional means, stuff he would not plan to do because of course these events are... unplanned. In metaphor form if the same thing is happening here (not the actual displacement but as metaphor), then perhaps, just perhaps, I won't experience too much pain, I mean, I can live without romance/ sex/ friendship (where blockages lead) certain things, I can stay relatively unpolarised I think. However, the 'other side' has different energies and I suspect there are more 'hooks' to force this person into polarity after the positive polarity has been rejected. (Remember this person has the power to end the problem at any time, therefore, I do not accept complete moral responsibility.)
My spirit kind of 'screams' when I say that, because it is really not very nice. Beyond this world we are all one and that kind of thing is not acceptable. However, in this world I have a personality with a certain need for self preservation and I can hold a bit of a grudge in order for that self preservation.