Alcohol. Lustful thoughts.

So I need to correct something I said yesterday. I said that I had come off caffeine but was fine with alcohol. No that's stupid. Especially with weight loss. I am not the kind of person that can casually engage with something. In my head, if there is a rule then it is a rule. Alcohol is in the on position or in the off position. I thought that I should be having wine on Sundays with a kind of make shift communion I do (Since the bible and Jesus said wine, and I started to get tired of grape juice). So if I'm having wine, then all other alcohol is fine. 

This, is not correct, I have decided. I have had four beers and my sleep pattern is a bit messed up at the moment. As in, I stayed up all night. But on balance I have to stop the beer and the wine. I have to just stop alcohol, so will be fully doing session 32.1 now, or at least the bit about the not having harsh chemicals. The appreciation bit following isn't massively relevant at the moment. 

This last section of having drunk is ending on a sour note, It did not get me drunk at all. I wasn't aware that it had any effect consciously. But my temper is just a bit frayed in a bad way. I realise, as my health increases, I will gravitate to handling things of more pressure, and my emotions will tend to become more coherent with clarity. Not having alcohol massively reduces the possibility that I will be unbalanced like I am at the moment, with the chemical also generally disturbing my balance. 

Anyway, this is another thing that has struck me. Another thing that has rolled into the recent self improvement thoughts I have been expressing:

This girl has become more well known by the algorithm for posting that she voted for the Muslim Democrat candidate in New York. After statistics based on that, how many young women voted Democrat in that election. We had, what I think, was an expression from Sun in gate 1 and Uranus in gate 8. That was, that there was suddenly a discussion on twitter about whether women should (be allowed to) vote. 

I am getting to a point here. 

About a week ago, the algorithm, for some reason, decided to show me the most stupid female posts on X that I have ever seen. I started bookmarking them and they were absolute poison. Feminist leaning. This casual bookmarking activity became many. Far more than I would have been able to use for a blog I was creating in my head. 

Anyway, I didn't write that blog. The time had passed for when I was likely to write it. So when I went through my bookmarks I deleted them all. But just now I found a tweet. It wasn't a truly stupid one. But it was one that I think demonstrates a part of the problem:

The problem here is that this is a nothing comment. What impact on any actual reality does it make that this woman thinks anyone should behave in any precise way. Let alone, being able to order what would be basically the entirety of creation. 

Are there any practical barriers to this womans stated ideal agenda? Are there people living in poverty? Or those that have to dampen their ideals in order to find a viable partner and not waste their time shooting out of their league?

There are a lot of very interesting tweets from women. I just logged on to X now and they were coincidentally fire. But, there are times when the same brain numbing opinions are expressed over and over again. When women argue against some red pill points. It doesn't matter how many times the womens simplistic viewpoints are disproved. They just repeat them without changing anything. 

What I am coming to, the emotional nub of the situation for me is this. The attractive nature of the first pic was highlighted for a reason. It feels to me, and it is, I think, practically. That a woman like that, and from the way a lot of women have treated me. Seemingly most women of that kind of age and attractiveness (going right back to when I was about that age). Have such a higher status than me that they might as well be royalty. 

It's just something to think about. Something to consider. I do not have a job at the moment and I have not progressed in a career as I should have as a guy my age, due to health reasons. Even if I was to socialise with women and possibly cold approach. When the girl asks something like 'what do you do?' I can already feel myself sink inwardly.  If I was to approach a girl that was drastically less attractive than that for whatever reason she was less attractive, including age. She would still expect me to have that kind of thing together. Often older women have this idea they are going to meet the perfect provider like guy, like happens in the movies. 

It is just something to generally consider. But also something I have been realising. Is that I never quite know what to do with that 'desire' within myself. Since it does not have an outlet in the world. I suppose, I am going to the gym, and I hope to have the kind of body that provides women with the excitement that a guy gets from looking at the photo above. 

One of the avenues of thought I have considered in the past, is that if I get an image like that. I bookmark it or save it and return to it. To appreciate the beauty and perhaps to create fictional stories of an erotic nature. To stimulate imagination about who the woman 'might' be ideally!

But, I think, it is way more positive to not do so. To delete all those bookmarks. The ultimate truth for a guy on one of these kinds of places like X. Is that you feel positively towards her. But she does not feel positively towards you. Because she has a billion other men telling her all that. I'm not even telling her all that. 

It is part of the issue that creates this feel of women like that, and in general, as inaccessible, and with a 'royalty' like aura. 

The ultimate truth it appears to me, of what to do in a positively polarised sense, with those kind of desires and thoughts. Is just to ignore them. OK, there is a hot girl. Scroll past. Because the hot girl, doesn't acknowledge my existence. She doesn't care that I exist. And that instinct I am getting to engage with her is not suited to the modern internet age.