Human Design thoughts. Undefined Centres/ Not self tendencies.

So, following on from the theme of the last few posts. I have talked a little about having been infatuated with the idea of healing, and thus moving into a bit of 'not self'. Because healing is probably not my thing, it is probably music and meditation. 

Going to some human design things then, I realise that some of this, especially in the second half, likely gets too complicated, but I can't simplify it.:

This is my human design chart.

When I start going into energy healing, which I have enough times to have a reasonable base to make conclusions. The patterns of my life tend to go in the same way. I am subtly less interested in music, I am just less inclined to listen to it when I have headphones on and am walking as an example. I also tend to be more 'fleshy', and both more angry and more sexual. It seems that I pull in a certain kind of girl in these moments. Real world things tend to bother me more than they did before, like in my last post, where I discussed not being likely to be able to get an intimate partner against difficult circumstances.  

Before breaking off the healing most recently. Yesterday, I did no energy healing, and I also have realised recently it feels like a bit of a journey to get away from the patterns I was getting in from doing that healing. The six days previously, I did a lot of healing. The energy healing tendency is to be more focused on the physical world and more sexual. Whereas my natural self is kind of cerebral and not so focused on the real world but, focused on things like wisdom/ music/ philosophy/ meditation etc. Although walking that path, the wisdom path, tends to mean I focus on health in a way that leads to the gym and other insights. Meaning I tend to do real world things even easier when I am relaxed from a gym session (in the long term as well this might be better on the 'intimate' front, the 'healing' paradigm is more short term perhaps).

It seems to take more than a day to get back to the "wisdom" way of being. Still shaking off the healing paradigm.  

Another thing I think is of note. A correlation. Is that people generally like the 'healing' way of being. There is immediate resistance to the 'wisdom' way of being. The healing way of being is more of a simp and a pushover. Even if the anger involved kind of veils that a little from my awareness. I.e. I feel that I am tougher than I am. The behaviours and thoughts I had related to this, the concessions I was considering to potentially achieve a result. Would open me up to the possibility of being manipulated. It's opposite has the satisfaction of avoiding said manipulation. I don't believe this is a coincidence. 

The human design of it. 

The undefined centres in my chart are a description of that 'healing paradigm'. I think that this is the reason for my current lustful feelings. But ideally a longer stretch of time would be better. But the 'healing paradigm' like I said correlates with me feeling far more 'fleshy'. The undefined sacral, the fleshiness, the undefined root, the focus and pressure of grounded reality, seem relevant to this. It seems that the healing is a blockage there because the sexuality is hard to face down (and is obsessive like the Law of One describes an orange ray blockage). The solution is a concerted effort to get back to the 'wisdom' space. It cannot be solved outside that. 

Not quite sure how the solar plexus features. It might be that that is resistant to conditioning due to being completely open. I.e. there is no 'hook'. 

Another point I would like to make. This is David Wilcocks human design chart:

I said on my youtube. That I believe the root of the problem leading to neurosis of mine. Was that I have the gate 1 in my unconscious Earth. But I do not have the gate 8. The identity and tendencies of the modern spirituality very much seems to take connections from the G- self to the Throat as simply how spirituality should be. Everything is about "love". I remember reading constantly that message. So to identify as spiritual, people feel they should have that message. But naturally, and according to the design, not everyone does. 

Some do, Stefan Molyneux, Aaron Abke, Carla Rueckert, and I'm sure many others. Do have this energy. But for someone that is not inclined that way through the design to identify in that way, creates an issue where they attempt, through a not self pattern, to bridge a gap between the G- self and Throat. 

For me, that not self pattern was expressed, since it was my unconscious Earth, which is a very powerful point, that was in gate 1. My not self identity formed over the channel 1-8 (I also have, hanging, gate 7 and gate 33, so that might be worth reflecting on if there are any other patterns there) and since Uranus is going over gate 8. I believe this is why this has come up now. 

My identity on a deep level, below the subconscious level, I never consciously considered those beliefs while being aware of alternatives. Has formed with channel 1-8 but transiting Uranus heavily rejected gate 8 all of a sudden. Meaning that I am moving into a more true self position that rejects that 1-8 identity, once I realised the issue at hand. 

What a tangled web we weave. 

But I didn't have a great deal linking me into this idea of the 'fated' spiritual teacher talking from the heart. Say, my blogging took of a few years ago and my attention was sought on the matters I had talked about. Including ones that I have decided are definitively 1-8 issues such as the subject of Christianity. For me. 

Say there was significant money connected to this. Say I had become a minor celebrity and my youtube channel was bringing in £10's of thousands a year. That I also related my purpose to this, so I thought of myself as sharing important wisdom and improving peoples lives. Perhaps I thought no one else had a perspective like I did.

Well, it would make that not self 1-8 channel far more difficult to separate from. I likely would hold onto that identity so strongly that I would not even consciously consider that identity issue to be the problem. 

It is a scary thought, and what I am describing is how things could have worked out for David. This could be his issue and why consequences are barreling down on him now. Or one of the relevant transits. David also does not have a full channel from the G- self to the throat and his G- self is actually undefined.

It is maybe this part of him that is the reason things have gone so haywire. Perhaps he perceives himself to be a messenger, through a not self 1-8 connection, and transiting Uranus is moving against that now. But there is a lot riding on that, a lot of money and life circumstances connected to it. So he is far less able to separate from it. 

I think it's an interesting idea. It leads to a lot of other ideas as well. It's a good example of how the not self might operate. But that's all for now.