Judging mental health, and the perversion of spiritual energy.

Second post for today.

Went for a bit of a walk and even though it is not exactly 'gym' kind of stuff (I so so so want to go back there but I got indications I should take a longer break this time). A walk does get rid of that kind of "angsty" energy. Maybe like ten minute aerobic I will do next.

There are two completely separate points I want to make here. One that I might have made before. But I want to say it again, just because it is becoming relevant in my life. The other is, I think a kind of new point where I talk about the damage that David Wilcocks kind of material does to a person. And about growing up as well. 

Firstly, I want to state what I have discerned about dealing with people that might be genuinely sick. But might be lying (as many do) when it comes to mental health disorders and ideological madness. (Like, are they fooled by the arguments or are they actually committed to negative ideals?)

This video has informed me on this. I like this girl a lot. I admire her passion on a subject I also have passion on. The correctness of right wing beliefs and the madness of left wing beliefs. And the importance of a commitment to spiritual ideals. She's also very pretty. Actually pretty facially not just a good body. This helps with spreading such a message I think:

Youtube: TaylorIsOnline0: Degeneracy and leftism#: January 27th 2026:

https://youtube.com/shorts/CV_h4Bs4WU8?si=Kgoo02lz3iCfr_TX 

This is a good example of someone that made a choice to be ill in a sense. Not like the case of someone that pretends to be ill to gain resources. But someone for whom mental health was not a legitimate thing. That the mental health issue was a cover for a disturbed conscience.

I think many issues like this are contained within these two Law of One quotes:

Questioner: I am interested in how the first distortion applies to the negatively polarized entity misplacing the mind/body/spirit complex. Why is the negatively polarized entity followed to the place of negative time/space? Why would one of us freely follow the entity?

Ra: I am Ra. The positive polarity sees love in all things. The negative polarity is clever.

This is where I sometimes place it when say, someone you know personally and is not overly intellectual commits to left wing beliefs. Left wing beliefs, which are of course, completely malevolent. But this is how I justify that they do not deserve in the deeper sense. The natural consequence of their actions. Which would be to be violated by one of the refugees they are so desperate to bring into the country. (Which has happened to other individuals because of their wilful blindness and voting choices).

This is the second quote that might apply to these situations though:

Questioner: Can you tell me what bias creates their momentum toward the chosen path of service to self?

Ra: I am Ra. We can speak only in metaphor. Some love the light. Some love the darkness. It is a matter of the unique and infinitely various Creator choosing and playing among its experiences as a child upon a picnic. Some enjoy the picnic and find the sun beautiful, the food delicious, the games refreshing, and glow with the joy of creation. Some find the night delicious, their picnic being pain, difficulty, sufferings of others, and the examination of the perversities of nature. These enjoy a different picnic.

All these experiences are available. It is free will of each entity which chooses the form of play, the form of pleasure.

When I talked about this before, the example I gave before was from the dark recesses of reddit. On a reddit sub where women talk about cheating and making it as cruel as possible to their husbands to get off on it. This is a clear example of something that isn't something they are fooled into. Sex is very much a choice. I would argue. These are behaviours taken on for hedonistic pleasure. With awareness of their consequences. 

Bear in mind this kind of behaviours 'karma' in a sense, might reach into another part of their lives. Say their husband, being unsupported, had something negative happen that the woman then complains about but had she not been like this, he would have had the energy to maintain a positive life?

There are hundreds of deliberate little choices people can make which are choices. A lot of ways their own negative choices which they will never reveal would impact them negatively. To which they would then play victim. But also times when good people fall on hard times. 

This is where I put these kinds of moral decisions. There are both people that genuinely have mental health disorders (I have a best friend I knew since I was about 4 and I have seen that he was genuinely very off when he was young, none of it came along due to problems with his conscience and he was committed to therapy from an early age). There are also many whom do not, some of which convince themselves they do. For their own personal convenience. 

When you add it all up it comes to a kind of selfishness, I think. You cannot know what is going on inside someone else if you have known them for less than about a decade. So not knowing, it is hard to judge. And we do need to judge in this life I think. But for me personally, it is also good to realise that there are things that cannot be known.

Bearing in mind, the people that are lying about this kind of thing are the ones most fanatically committed to the lie. They will never admit they are making it up for their benefit. 

Thoughts on transcient material. 

I mentioned a friend I have had since I was young. I reconnected with him recently. It added to thoughts I have already built on. Since I can see how I have changed.

This is my human design chart:

When I am showing people that are new to the chart the human design. I show them that the whole thing adds up to something very intuitively correct. People with energy higher in their centres are focused on higher energy things, the same with lower energy. My father, who was sex obsessed, a very grounded person, has the five lower centres defined. 

With my chart you can see that there is a lot in the higher energy centres. Perhaps not as much as say, a mental projector. But quite high. 

This means that my energy is keyed to thinking of and discussing the kinds of concepts I discuss here. Cerebral things. 

What this comes with, what that kind of awareness also comes with. Is a need to understand free will. Since most people are not interested in such things and it would even be a violation of the law of free will in a lot of cases to tell them. 

In the positive, let's say this is a commitment, as it is with me to music, spirituality and philosophy.

To hold this energy, like I have said, requires a certain awareness of free will. It means, that if I am thinking of a dream interpretation or a quote from Nietzsche; that I do need to keep that to myself, no matter how fantastic I think that is (I do also have "censorship", 26.4, in my unconscious Saturn!)

This is the pattern of energy then. Having energy to focus on this kind of stuff, and with the Law of One. The pressure to bring in an entire paradigm that is otherwordly. Which the everyday world argues against. In a way by it's very existence. But it is all deeply positive and loving. Praying every day, meditating, and knowing that philosophy and ethics are important. Are deeply enriching to life. 

The perversion of the energy. 

But what David Wilcock did. Is he took the bones of the Law of One. But then added in a lot of 'wordly' things to add legitimacy to it. He said he had a secret insider that told him about Roswell. A secret insider that told him that soon enough, the Alliance was going to take over and we would all live in paradise. That David Wilcock alone had the science to create anti gravity hover cars etc. 

What I think this does, is it speaks to a persons desire to overcome free will. Which I think we all constantly desire. The One Infinite Creator laid down free will, and none of us have really accepted it. We all look at the world and want to reorder it in our own image. 

It converts the spiritual energy that invests in things like the Law of One and says: "Look, you do not have to be the only one paying attention to this. The only one that believes this. There is real world evidence it is going to be relevant to the real world soon. It is only fair you warn others".

It brings up in people the conversion of that spiritual energy into a kind of real world material energy that can be used as a weapon in our fight against... reality, in a sense. The world that will not let its secret be known and stubbornly insists that the way of matter is the truth. 

Maturation.

It also prevents the naturally positive and maturing aspects of the energy when it was still positive. For me, philosophy and these kinds of things are interesting. I want to be able to look at the world and understand it through a lens that adds benefit to me psychologically, spiritually etc. This, I would say, is a fairly mature instinct. 

When you are talking about David Wilcock stuff and the more mad parts of the Law of One. It does not have that maturing effect. It is essentially stuff that is not relevant to anything and can be, and perhaps needs to be, written off as crazy. It is a separate part of a persons being. 

What I have noticed as I have met up with old friends again. Is that the conversion of that David Wilcock kind of thinking, into a more philosophical kind of thinking. Means that the positive thing, cannot be dismissed in the same way. It becomes a part of your actual being and thus, it becomes solid and real. If a person liked the you that wasn't into that, they are suddenly confronted with the you that is into that. It provides change to the real world, and people might simply not be interested in that. 

There we go. Got all angsty earlier today which was why the shorter blog post earlier. But that's what I have for today.  

Gym and human design theory.

So, successes.

A few nights ago I went to the gym. I will probably have to take a break from it. My medical condition is known for not being as quick to recover. This feels bad but it is what it is. 

I am get insights from the gym. Often. Insights it does not feel I would normally have. Insights like 'so on so is jealous', when the evidence was clearly there I just didn't want to see it. I have very often mentioned that exercise gives me these kinds of insights and my theory is that, in a man, maybe in a woman too, but I can't speak for women. But in a man, stresses create a mental building block of a kind of information that allows a person to conform in a sense. So, the stress will give me a commitment to not seeing that a bunch of people don't like me as an example. That I am in a room with a bunch of people that dislikes me. This is a danger to me, perhaps not in modern times but in our ancestral past. 

Then when I do exercise. I will suddenly realise all the little signs these people did not like me. Because all the anxiety that is wrapped up in my muscles. All the adrenaline in my blood (even if this is years later) is suddenly cleared. 

Considering my background, and it is not completely pleasant. It is a bit dysfunctional. I have a medical condition that was badly controlled for years. I have a commitment to right wing politics even though I live in a very left wing area and I have been socially ostracised from pretty much every job and social group I have ever been in. Several workplaces they have arranged huge get togethers and invited everyone, (about thirty people), but me, and exclusively me. 

Human Design Theory.

This is probably why I started blogging to be honest. This is probably why I still blog. I have identified that a part of why I became so intense with that kind of information is because I was seeking a belonging in those communities to offset the constant bullying in my real life. 

I am not saying that these emotions are not the standard thing for people to experience given these experiences. But, the perceptual filter of the human design not self being anger, fits with my understanding of my mentality here. I am angry about this. And the anger, has become "layered". I got this term from Ra Uru Hu when he was talking about Projectors and the layering of their bitterness. For me, I think I have the same kind of layering, but it is not bitterness, as I am not a Projector. It is the layering of anger. 

So my way forward is the gym! Sitting at those weight machines and pushing forward to transfer that anger. Psychologically into insight, and physically into muscle. It would make sense if that, on a sociological level men experience a lot of stress from low status. That this is a good route for many men. 

The way it works for me then is that I go to the gym. I have insights into things that I am avoiding. Insights into why a person who screwed me over does justifiably deserve to be avoided, a bad thing about them when I have only seen good things. That kind of thing. But the point is to draw all the anger out of my subconscious. This is my process. 

So the process involves me feeling... More angry. More clarity at the anger I have always known is there and maybe, just maybe, I will unblock myself enough that I can actually create music again. That I will have something to sing about! 

At the moment, it might be the heat. I have been thinking of stuff to say. I have some stuff I want to say. But this subject is all I am going to talk about in this blog. As the anger is still too powerful. 

Ethics and the Law of One.

The video today:

Youtube: Melissa Dougherty: I went to a psychic fair, it was NOT what I expected. August 7th 2026.

https://youtu.be/btihYK4wWbE?si=ZK8-bRtGv5Ohz7jX

Firstly, before I go into this. I want to say that I will not, and would not, seriously engage with this woman. I feel that if I were to I would have strong ideas and would engage and debate like men do. Whereas, this is a soft creature that you do not do that with. I mean, technically writing in a blog I might bring some points in that would be confrontational. But it will be in the style of explanation and thoughts. Not opposition. 

The kind of person I would engage with seriously is someone like Ryan Gable. Who I wrote about before. I covered his Law of One video critique but I covered it barely. I have an affection for skeptics since Steven Cambian at Truthseekers, kind of singlehandedly saved me from David Wilcocks schizophrenic ramblings.

This person though, Ryan Gable, is not a good natured skeptic. He is not doing a legitimate search for truth in this area. I believe he is making bad faith and stupid arguments and I covered him very softly before. But I think I should do a more strongly opposing video. He has made certain claims in the notes I have made so far. Such as the idea that 'you have to be super high to write this stuff', which he says at 20 minutes. This was a comment I put on his video.

On the Law of One main website. They do give an explanation of that statement in session 1.0: We communicate now. We, too, have our place. We are not those of the Love [density] or of the Light [density]. We are those who are of the Law of One. This was what they wrote: The word “density” was added here to add clarity to what we believe to be Ra’s intended meaning. The fourth density is the density of love and understanding. The fifth density is the density of light. Ra is of the sixth density where love and light are unified. https://www.llresearch.org/channeling/ra-contact/1 So in the way they see things, the contact sees things. There is a very specific set of densities. Which is repeated a lot throughout the text itself. And they wanted to clarify which one they were from. Even though the statement didn't make a lot of sense when it was first heard. From my understanding I am fifth density, so my signature, if this were the way people were commonly speaking would be: "I am not of the love, I am of the light, I am not of the Law of One".

There we go. I think that is youtube formatting. I have directly referenced what he was complaining about in the Law of One. What happened? He deleted the comment. In about half an hour. Since he has proven bad will, I think that necessitates a more thorough response.  

Anyway, Melissa's video was; well, it had a female easy going style of everything just flows. She talks about talking with an 'aura reader', who is like a classic Law of One type of person. Like the people at Bring4th. Just a messy, not committing to anything kind of person. You bring up a concrete issue or problem you have, even linking it to the Law of One texts. And they. very disrespectfully, ignore you. Just won't engage.

The woman Melissa was talking to would make no commitment that there are things like objective moral rules. The interaction ended with the woman apparently accepting Melissas idea that Jesus is the answer to all these things. Which of course, she just went passive and let Melissa say whatever she wanted, so Melissa says she feels good, but the womans views are unchanged because nothing really gets her. She is totally numb and dissociated; hiding behind a commitment to mysticism and the Law of One.  

It is a very female mindset not dissimilar to a communist. Or the female judges letting criminals walk free to kill again because of some vague attachment to a sense of spiritual egalitarianism. 

I wanted to say, firstly, to praise the video a bit; then what I think of as moral rules. Or how I would answer some of these questions - moral rules and such. Also, how I would handle this 'aura reader'. And then I will move onto challenges to Melissas position. She mentioned at a points he asked the aura reader if they knew the bibles claims. 

So firstly, Melissa offered a very intelligent, in my view, deconstruction of what was wrong with the aura readers views. She makes a case that ethics are objective. If the aura reader was talking to someone doing evil things would she offer any opposition to this? The aura reader said something like everyone is on their own journey. So Melissa said... OK the Nazi's then? Were they objectively evil? They believed they were doing things that were good, at least they stated that. Are the Nazi's on their own journey? Or are they in need of moral correction? The woman offered a kind of vague non answer. 

What I would have said, is what way do you vote? We know, 100% this aura reader woman votes leftist. Then I would say, OK, so you believe we should give infinite resources to immigrants as part of the Law of One to show compassion and such and you are willing to vote, do an action in the real world, to support that? To which she would agree. I would then say that this is against the Law of One. Because it is initiating violence on the taxed native citizens. Many of which were extremely angry when they heard about USAID and recounted stories of not being able to afford their kids food. 

It is against the Law of One and evil in itself to tax said citizens. The taxed citizen is of equal worth to the migrant under the Law of One. Also, women like this are supporting an extremely violent oppressive government regime. Which they are not karmically free of, in my opinion. 

She would ignore this too of course. But this would hit more of a nerve than any of what had happened previously. They sometimes offer an "apology" at this point, for any distress the discussion caused or something like that. But what the apology is is a moral highgrounding apology. "I am sorry you feel that way" (the implication being I am sorry you were unable to accept my more enlightened point of view). I would not accept the apology and inform the woman that her offering it has caused me further offence. It is directly condescending.

Nevermind really. Escalating the conversation to a confrontation might have made a bit more of an impact, but it wouldn't have changed anything. These leftist women sometimes get raped and carry on supporting the left. Women in Sweden have been known to accuse white men because they do not want to be racist by saying a refugee raped them. 

But that is where I would go with the ethical question.

Stefan Molyneux would no doubt hate this. But I see Stefan Molyneuxs Universally Preferable Behaviour as very consistent with the Law of One. One of its first principles is that of universalism, which states that moral laws apply in every circumstance. There is more to it than that but I can't go into this for length reasons. One of the relevant principles is that moral laws are applicable to all situations. We cannot have exceptions in moral laws meaning that they apply sometimes and not others. Because if they apply some times and not others, then there is another thing that supersedes them. Likely a persons will. If their is another persons will superseding them. Then that is more important than the moral law. If it is more important than the moral law. Then the application of the moral law is one of control, not morals.

This applies to a great deal of things and it opens up the conversation to a lot of deconstruction. The government bans violence in its citizens but commits violence, as an example. God in the Old testament, bans murder, and yet he murders. 

Then I would turn on Christianity. The 'claims that the bible makes' and such as she referenced. I don't know specifically what this woman believes. But in my view, mainstream Christianity does not have a leg to stand on.

Even though I am kind of Christian, as in, Christian enough for my own definition. But not from a mainstream Christians definition. I am also critical of Christianity and have a little knowledge on these areas built from people like Aaron Abke, Paul Wallis and Bart Ehrman. 

My essential position and point on the bible is that it is extremely inconsistent. That there is good evidence of it being changed and of non canon books having more validity. That Christianity itself relies on an appeal to authority fallacy. That Christianities moral precepts involve forcing others to submit to its rules when they might not believe in God, and that a true moral system has to be secular in order to get around this issue. 

But like I said, I don't know this womans positions so do not know what conversation I would be facing in this position. 

Anyway, that's all I have for the moment! 

Working with catalyst.

I wanted to do a kind of run down of my understanding of the balancing process given in the Law of One. Understanding (mind), acceptance (body) and forgiveness (spirit).

I am a kind of angry resentful person. And I do not disagree with that part of myself. Of that way that I have become. Following the Law of One. A person experiences "catalyst". Which is that stuff out in the world that we use to change ourselves. So, we see in the world there is something to strive for and we strive for it. Changing ourselves in many ways, including an increase of discipline. 

That is an example of positive catalyst. It could be something more negative. Like we get bullied or something. Each catalyst can give us more positive or negative tendencies and specific weight is given, in the archetypal system. For when we respond to positive catalyst with negative tendencies and vica versa. 

I have started reading Nietzsche recently and I am very happy doing so. It feels incredibly profound. Feels like it is just 'something else'. I wanted to get his work for an understanding of some basic concepts of his that I have thought over. But, I feel now I have the book that it is gaining entry into another thing completely. 

One of the things he says, not even in the text yet, it is excerpted in the introduction. That he dislikes the binary between true - false, good - evil etc. He says that it is very possible that something in between these poles will be life affirming and good. This reminds me of something I have recently begun to feel and understand. I have realised that seeking truth 'in every area', is a bit too much of an energy drain. It came to me as I was thinking over these mental health issues that people have. Autism etc. I had originally believed that a lot of these people were kind of making it up to cover for hedonism and the negative psychological effects of a bad conscience. This was partly from Stefan Molyneux. I do not recall if he said this precisely. But I think I got the idea from listening to him. 

Eventually though I realised, when confronted with people that strongly believe the mental health reasoning, and various other things I have experienced. I realised it doesn't really help me to think of it like this. Whatever the ultimate truth of these peoples issues are. It is easier for me to just accept what they say. It doesn't effect me. I am not going to feel sympathy for their mental health issues or make a whole load of concessions I wouldn't otherwise make. But the additional energy to attempt to prove to myself either that these are legitimate, or that they are spiritual problems. Is not something worth my time; and life will eventually sort that kind of stuff out anyway. As society changes and people improve and add more light to situations like this. 

The reason I took the circuitous route to explain that last paragraph. The idea of accepting a maybe lie, or accepting 'confusion' as a kind of easy way out sometimes. Is that it is directly relevant to my spiritual movement forward I believe. I will have to explain something else first then come back to this.

My current catalyst.

I have travelled a very strange route in this life. As I have explained here before. I have an illness, a physical illness. Which is kind of subtle and invisible. And causes massive amounts of stress and even schizophrenia through effecting brain chemistry. There has been better medical technology recently. Which means for the first time in my life I am kind of clear headed and normal. I can carry a conversation without going off into some weird, highly alienating, thing. 

Nevertheless, my catalyst. I.e. the information I have received from the world. Is a certain way. I have been socially excluded from every single social group I have ever been a part of. I had a group of male friends for a while in school. Before the medical situation really progressed. I was a bit odd and overly stressed then. But it started to grow really bad from my mid twenties on. 

I worked in a supermarket as my first real job. I was completely socially excluded from everyone in the entire, very large, supermarket. They arranged entire outings strategically ostracising me. I then went to Uni. Where I neither got on nor didn't get on with anyone there. I then volunteered in a Buddhist cafe. I then worked in a fast food place, and office for two years, back to fast food, this time with people that could barely speak English, because the bullying at the office was so intense, then I worked in a call centre. 

At each one of these. Every single one. I was socially ostracised. The call centre actually this was not the case technically. They were very big on arranging outings after work for everyone. But I was kept in a team where the only thing I could do was work because the work load was heavier. Even though everyone else managed to socialise in that team (although no one was in the team more than six months while I was permanently there!) I just worked. But outside that. I was socially ostracised everywhere I went. Like, people going for entire social events deliberately excluding me and only me.

This was NOT the extent of the social ostracism. Even in other things in my personal life I have also been ostracised. 

Like I said, and I am also bringing this point out for a later point. While there may be very good reasons for this. I could have said or done things weird that got me socially ostracised at these places. My experience is that I have been socially ostracised. That is the catalyst that I have had. Now my emotional reactions to the world are that of a person that has been socially ostracised constantly. 

A natural dynamic. 

In the world I notice a pattern. If I am in contact with someone. I try and put my best foot forward. My best foot is that I have found value in the kind of things I blog about. The constant pains of the social ostracism has driven me more strongly into spirituality. The amount of catalyst to get me to pray everyday, or at least intend to. Was not small. 

Now, I think I have adapted so well to these things that I am unrecogniseable to the original person I was who wanted to 'fit in'. I recall in a moment where I had felt socially ostracised in my personal life. An additional example. A friend of mine was meeting up with another friend and I was not only feeling socially ostracised but was starting to go into a kind of psychosis. It is something that was a part of my schizophrenic break in 2014. The pains of all this started to get me that badly. (I have mapped out this single thing being responsible for a lot of my psychosis).

But as I was starting to feel this. Actively getting weird with people. I stared at my human design chart. Something I had separated from a little. And it sorted itself out. I connected to something of myself that is higher, and I was suddenly unbothered with the social event I had been very deliberately not invited to. (The person involved here actually tried to involve me in the future and suffered socially for this in a big way. At least in my understanding).

But it goes even further than this. Now that I am interested in the subjects I am interested in. Now that I have started to carve out a life where I am, basically happy largely on my own, and without these larger social groups. In essence, with enough prayer and meditation, reading the Law of One, now philosophy and the gym. I have become, somewhat immune, it feels to me. Either that or the emotion is suppressed. I do not feel bad if I am not invited and I also, do not want to be invited. The smallest incling of disrespect and I am happy to go home, watch Star Trek, and have an early night. I also have the general tendency to avoid the social situation in the first place. To not want to be invited.

Obviously this does not seem healthy. It is hard to even want to spend time with women (it is anyone really, but I use women as an example because they are seen as desireable, they are important for my "biological need to reproduce"). So I must have destroyed a part of myself in some manner. But I cannot make myself want what I don't want. I cannot afford therapy either. 

Everytime someone does try to interact with me, or I with them. In some manner. I kind of do my best. I provide what I think is a good addition to the conversation. But often, this is discouraged or ignored. If someone talks about xyz and I think Law of One type stuff, or Stefan Molyneux type stuff is useful or relevant. I will talk about it. The person will show a bit of interest. Then not be interested somehow. To forget about it. I might also make jokes. 

Eventually with enough ignoring me from the other person. I have to withdraw. This is obvious. You make a joke and someone takes more than 24 hours to respond. Frequently. Then obviously it is logical to withdraw. Without a casual conversation going over Whatsapp, for example. I cannot then casually say does someone want to meet up? I might even doubt myself and say, perhaps I should not be talking about philosophy with people? But, it is in my human design. Personality Mercury 56.2. Design Mercury 24.6. That is just me, what I am about. Sometimes the world/ people, give us feedback that we should change in some manner. But if what it wants us to change is a fixed attribute like that. There is not much we can do. 

The solutions. 

I have noticed one of the biggest changes in my psychology recently. I think this is due to working out in the gym a good deal. Since I have been working out at the gym. There is just something about all this I have begun to accept. 

For years, especially before I went to the two year office job. I just thought that things were going badly from bad luck. The people in the supermarket were an exception etc. I thought it was super strange I had not been out in a mixed gender group my whole life. Not gone out for a drink with say, three women and three men (including me). That because it was so strange that that hadn't happened. It was liable to happen. 

For a while I went through various crazinesses. But I always kind of desired that. Kind of desire that socialising or something in that entire area. But recently, since the gym, all of a sudden I do NOT desire that. I do not look around when walking in town hoping I can strike up a conversation with some chick. It feels like a deep and fundamental acceptance that that has not happened, and it probably isn't going to happen now. And I'm not sure I even want it to happen!

Since the gym though. I have gone from kind of desiring that and still thinking about it. To not thinking about it at all. Just love of gym. Nothing else.  

During the period Mid - late June to Mid - late July where I temporarily went off Communion. I did feel far more emotionally raw. I made this song:

I have the right to resent you. I have the right to feel,

The sun reveals everything, every little piece of you.

And you are love, maybe poison love,

And I am need, that is true.   

I have not been able to make music for a long time and I do not know why. This song was honest about that angry resentment I feel. Which, it exists for a reason and I don't see a problem with it. Like the song says, I do have the right to my emotions and when I was bullied at various workplaces. It was always women doing it. Every single time. 

Since I have gone back onto Communion though. These kinds of words are not coming. I wonder if it is because part of me wants to make a song with higher, more positive or more complex lyrics? Something meaningful in a different way? 

But to be honest. I don't really know the reason for it. When I went off Communion. I could make a song showing how I really feel. When I am on it. No song is made up. I'm just into playing scales and such. 

Perhaps it is a refinement to make a better song later? One with more of the scales that I am practicing? 

The decline of entertainment media.

It's been six days since my last post. I used to post daily! I suppose from one perspective, it is good that because this is set out like it is. Like, it is not attached to any sort of revenue stream. When I don't have anything to say I don't speak. 

Recently, I have really enjoyed some of the older TV shows I have been watching. Star Trek Deep Space Nine. Watched the entire series. Now onto Star Trek Voyager. Watched a bit of Star Trek the Original Series which might be where I go next. Previously rewatched The Mentalist. Older series. 

I recall watching the first Scream and how good it was. For my birthday I watched Scream 7. It was OK. But I didn't really feel anything watching it.

It brings me to this tweet:

There has been a lot of discussion of this kind of thing. There was a paid article by Adrian something or other. Perhaps Adrian Winters. That showed how this has happened. How a lot of Hollywood writing rooms have gone from 80% to 10% white males. 

It makes it harder to find things to watch on TV because a lot of these things are written by women. And women, as leaders of these kinds of things. Have never produced anything that is obviously interesting to me. These women are likely all liberal as well. Recently, as well, even things made by men, such as 'The Boys'. Is so infected with woke, it is unwatchable. 

Scarpetta is a good example. It has a good vibe of a female investigator going for a serial killer and a serial killer from thirty years ago also used the same tactics. There is a LOT of soap opera kind of stuff in this show. Which, might be OK. I watched it thinking perhaps there would be a payoff. Perhaps really engaging with the characters would be relevant as the plot unfolds. 

But, as it ended. As the plot solved. I realised that the soap opera element of the show was really all it had to offer. The serial killer element was clearly an after thought and even though the show was set up to imply that there would be some great relevance to the thirty year gap and the memories. There was not. It was literally a soap opera with a bit of serial killer stuff involved to engage people. The main character for the Mentalist was in this show to further imply an interesting detective angle. 

Another with a similar issue I just started watching yesterday. But have realised now is also terrible in the same way. I watched either one or two episodes of "Walker". I started watching it and there was again, a subtle serial killer plot happening and an emotional angle that might be interesting, provided it is not the only draw of the show. 

So I look up the reviews on youtube. Universally bad and I found just a single guy with low production quality. A source I can trust. Just a guy. Who literally labelled it "Woker". Then I look up who is running it. A woman named Anna. It will be the same thing. So I am not watching it. 

I think this is the problem that has infected basically all of modern screenwriting. I have watched a bit of Walker, and what is it missing? Being that I am in the category of the kind of person banned from the modern writing rooms? Well, it misses a strong male antagonist. Walker, Jared Padalecki, needs someone that could possibly beat him. It would immediately add that adrenalised, distinctly non soap opera like energy. 

But it is written by a woman, so it will just be an ongoing soap opera. Even shows with a lot of emotional stuff in them. Like Star Trek Voyager, that I am now watching. Produced by Rick Berman. But with a female captain. There is a lot of fairly deep emotional themes. But they don't make the show completely lose direction. 

What this has all added up to is that all modern TV is just kind of dull. Wokeness; liberal, female heavy writer rooms are just filled with a kind of directionlessness. It is hard to describe quite what has gone wrong with modern TV. But it is like the life has somehow been taken out of it.

Scream 1 had a very nail biting tension to it. Scream 7 just... didn't. It had all the pieces technically in place. But it just didn't really grab attention.  

In corners of the internet. Various male personalities have carved out a space for themselves best they can by doing things like writing science fiction ebooks. But none of that creative energy can find expression in the actual media that is available for casual viewing. None of it has any support. I also suspect this same problem is the reason why a lot of fields have a similar 'dullness' to them. That until 'God makes his will known' in a sense. Until there are consequences to the liberals for their many crimes. Things will carry on just as they are. 

Insights into a changing world.

This is an important post to me. But a personal one. I am doing what I often do on this blog. I am using introspection to gain insight into what are effective methods to move forward and improve ones life. 

Recently, I have noted a few times. A strong sensation that something has just "worked out" recently. Just flowed. Things just fit. There is a sense of treading water that I had for a long time that is gone.

Now, there are a lot of physical things that could be. I will likely go into these. But the thing that made the most sense was when I looked into the astrology at the moment. We have been undergoing, in mid - late July; this is the Jupiter - Pluto opposition. 

There are a few more specific transits. Jupiter is very soon to cross my natal Sun. From 4th of August it is in the same hexagram as my natal Sun. When this happened before, sometime in or after August 2014. Was when I had a strong schizophrenic episode. So it feels like this time I have navigated that energy properly. In that, I am not a raving madman on this pass. 

The physical reasons I am better. Well it could be one of many, many things. It could be that I had a surgery (biopsy) and got a result that was an OK one, considering how bad it could have been. Maybe that was hanging over me. It could be that I had a few weeks off jobseeking to recover from it. And jobseeking causes a lot of stress. And it never stops. There are no holidays from jobseeking. Every week you do it. I have been unemployed for more than three years. 

It could be that I met up with friends recently. It could be that I have reached a good point in health things like drinking water and going to the gym. It could be that I have properly stayed away from 'transcient' material and I have got the benefit. As my dreams indicated. It could be that some of the things I have talked about here I have properly applied. I am thinking of the first archetype. The Matrix of the Mind. 

Nevertheless, the transit is very compelling. Between dreams and transits of both astrology and human design. It provides a lot of good insight and direction into things. I have not had a great deal of insights outside those resources.  

Reflections on mental health issues and IQ.

Video for today:

Youtube: Shelby Exists and Makes Stuff: My IQ is 135 and I hate it. July 29th 2026:

https://youtu.be/Zk0Zeqy7q1w?si=jhsYb-omKzhxTelh

OK, so what is my IQ firstly? I don't want to reveal it. But I will say two things. One is that when I did take an IQ test, I have only taken one. In person, with Mensa. I was quite ill at the time and I remember intentionally throwing one of the questions because I thought if I answered it correctly the intelligence services might "get me". The second is that, vaguely, my IQ is somewhere between the top of 'average' IQ. So what is thought of as about 110. And the Mensa level. Which is 130 or 150 depending on the test.  

I have kept that vague enough I think to not claim the status of high IQ in this blog entry.  

Idiot in the comments saying that his IQ is 160. It is mid wits that say this kind of thing. Because mid wits keep saying they have 170 something IQ. People think that 130's is not high. But it is in fact, very high. 

The point of this video I think is not IQ though. Two things I have found recently, one of which is shown in this video. Firstly, there is a kind of myth around that mental health disorders like autism are not a real thing. This woman shows that very strongly. I have known people personally that are well acquainted with therapy culture. That also claim these kinds of mental health disorders, suggesting they are a real thing. I do not take the argument, I can see no evidence of. The idea that mental health disorders are the side effects of evil doing. Whose source is being concealed by the person with the disorder.  

Also, not mentioned at all in the video. But I have been told before by such people that marijuana was the only thing to have solved their autism (or similar). I used to not believe that. Partly this was because of my ongoing experience with passive aggressive stoners. But it is something that I have come to accept as... they tell me that's what their experience is. So I am not going to argue with it. 

I got those two viewpoints partly from Stefan Molyneux. Or I had them anyway and his podcasts confirmed what I thought to me. It is really not consistent with the Law of One to be so resistant of what is obviously infront of a person. To assume that amount of lying. Of course there are things that a lot of people lie about. But there is not enough personal information to oppose the idea that these mental health disorders are simply, as the people that claim them, claim them to be. 

I should not continue to think through if the themes of this girls video are relevant to me. I played it through in my mind but I do not think it is interesting for a blog. One small thing that I have noticed about high IQ people that this woman has mentioned. An incredible speed of motion. I knew one guy who was Mensa level IQ at a fast food place. And he was just so incredibly fast.